Akatsuki Cosplay Cafe
by Infinite Vibrance
Summary: Come join the land of cosplay and pastries! Naruto and Sasuke are brought into a world where it's okay for men to dress up - as long as it brings in customers! While immersed into this new enviroment, love sparks in just the right places. SasuNaru AU
1. Wasted On a Backstory

Hiyah everyone! I'm Fallen :D. This is my first Naruto fanfiction... one that randomly came into my head one stormy Tuesday afternoon while I was cowering in the corner for dear life as the thunder rang through the city of-

Sasuke: Fallen.

Me: Hm?

Sasuke: Shut up.

Me: ... -ignores- Anyway! I wanted to try something totally different, and by different I mean - I'm going to break the fourth wall! :D. It won't be constant breaking, but at least once or twice in a chapter... I will bring down the wall, or at least put a dent or crack in it. You're more than welcome to skip over that part if you want, but some of you might actually** want **to read it. So who am I to stop you?

Also... hm... characters ages? Well... I'll just mention the ages of whoever's mentioned in this chapter.

Naruto: 17

Sasuke: 18

Sakura: 17

Itachi: 25

Hidan: 25

Fangirls and Fanboys: Ranging from ages 13 to 64. Hahahaha (:.

NOW FOR THE DISCLAIMER! (WHICH I'M ONLY DOING ONCE SO YOU BETTER IMPRINT IT INTO YOUR SKULLS AND DRIVER'S LICENSES!): **Seriously... do you think I really own Naruto? Do you see hot men making love on the streets of Konoha? Do you see little Naruto and Sasuke babies running amuck? If your answers to these questions are no, then good we're on the same page. If they're yes... then I'm torn between giving you a hug for even suggesting I own Naruto, and or sending you to a mental clinic (:**

**Let's stick to the hug.**

Now then... Warnings... It's M so... that's warning enough.

And Pairings...

ItaixHidan

SasuNaru

And more to come when new characters come in... (:. (It's called leaving the reader in suspense! ;D)

I think that's all that needs to be said here... so enjoy chapter one! I'd love some feedback please (:. OH! And sorry if sometimes my humor lacks... it comes and goes like a bullet train, like the wind, like a good orgasm... like a... okay... I'm done.

Read, Review, and Enjoy -makes heart with hands-.

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**Akatsuki Cosplay Cafe**

**Chapter One: Wasted on a Backstory**

"I love you," the man smiled crookedly, his lips twitching in a sad attempt at a smile.

"Relax your muscles," the other scolded.

He took a deep breath, calming the bundle of nerves that just felt like going haywire today, "I love you." he purred seductively.

The blonde shivered, "Oooh, that gave me the chills! Now say it in Japanese."

"Watashi wa anata o aishite," he ran a pale hand through his onyx black hair, brushing the bang away from his face in a way one might describe as sexy.

"Now in French!"

"Je t'aime."

The blonde snickered, obviously enjoying all the effort the raven was doing in saying such simple words. "Now Mandarin Chinese!"

"Dobe!" the raven snarled, giving the blonde a good smack to the head.

"Itai… Sasu, that freaking hurt, you bastard!" the blonde rubbed the back of his abused head, pouting at the slight dull pain that pounded against his skull.

"I don't need your childish attitude right now, Naru." Sasuke walked over to the mirror, eyeing himself, making sure not a hair was out a place, no stains, no shirt left not tucked in, and heaven forbid there be a button left unbuttoned!

Naru laughed, it was a beautiful and infectious laugh, and fell backwards on the raven's king sized mattress. "You're going to do fine, Sasuke, how could someone _not _hire you? You're hot!" Naru added in, erupting in a batch of giggles.

Sasuke smirked to himself, even though Naru could tell it was most definitely a smile. A warm fuzzy feeling started to form in his stomach, the feeling always appeared when he saw the raven smile. Maybe it was because the blonde knew only he could cause emotions to grace that perfectly defined face.

"Tch, Dobe, I don't need to hear things I already know." yet he smiled anyway as he examined himself in the full length mirror again. He had to make sure everything was perfect, that when he walked through those tinted doorways and stepped into the room where you're instantly attacked with the fresh smell of gingerbread, the workers there would take just one look at him and say, 'He's the one.'

Sasuke ran his hand down his shirt, smoothing out the wrinkles. His outfit was okay, in his opinion anyways, Naru just thought it was sexy. His long sleeve, crew neck, black t-shirt, fit his frame perfectly, showing off his toned muscles underneath. The raven's dark jeans hung nicely against his hips, toning his butt in a way, that Naru so plainly described, would make all the women jealous and turn all the men in the Tokyo area gay. Really… Naru had a weird way of explaining things.

"Stare at the mirror any longer, Sasu, and it's going to break." the blonde joked, scoring points by getting the raven to scowl at him.

"You're one to talk, Naruto. You know how many times a day you gawk at yourself in the mirror?" he folded his arms across his chest, leaning against the cool glass of the mirror. "Ever heard of the word vain?"

"I resent that!" the blonde pouted, chucking a nicely fluffed pillow at the raven's head. The raven chuckled, fluffing up his hair so it stood up just right. Naruto shook his head, completely lost on why Sasuke was taking this thing way too seriously. In the beginning, he was the one that was complaining the most about going to this thing! Now he was acting like his life depending on this. It was just a job interview for heaven's sake! No need to be all fancy! Hell, Naruto was going to the exact same one, and he wasn't even as formally dressed as Sasuke.

'Must be an Uchiha thing…'

While Sasuke dressed nicely, Naruto decided to go on the laid back style, wearing a pair of black and orange Adidas flip-flops, light washed, destroyed skinny jeans and a nicely fitting orange and black plaid shirt. His hair was disheveled, like it was almost every day of the year, sticking up in all different directions. Different band bracelets ran up and down his arm, and he was wearing his lucky dog tag necklace that he received from his father before he left.

"Teme!" the blonde sang his name to the heavens, "You're trying too hard."

"You're not trying hard enough," the raven retorted, buttoning, then unbuttoning, the top button of his shirt.

Naruto scoffed, noticing the frown that appeared on the raven's face, walking over to the indecisive raven and choosing what to do with his dilemma for him. He grabbed the two pieces of fabric, and unbuttoned the first three buttons of the shirt, giving a nice view of Sasuke's chest. Then, he ruffled up the raven's hair, receiving a very nice growl from the raven, until it looked like the raven just got out of bed.

"Perfect," Naruto gave the raven an Uzumaki like grin.

"Tch." Sasuke examined himself in the mirror one final time. Yes, he just took at least fifteen minutes to get ready for the interview, making sure every single detail was perfect. No, he wasn't going to take another damn fifteen minutes to get everything perfect again.

"Fantastico!" Naruto giggled and winked.

"Are you sure you want to go to the interview looking like…," he gave Naruto a once over.

"Like a very hot blonde?" Naruto finished his sentence. "Yes, Sasuke, I do." and skipped out the room before anything more could be said.

"… Dobe."

+Akatsuki Cosplay Café+

Sasuke changed lanes, merging with the evening traffic. Naruto was fiddling with his dog tag, his mind somewhere off in the clouds, not really focusing on anything. The radio was playing some soft rock music, that quickly filled up the car with noise instead of the painstaking silence.

Now, Sasuke would never say no to a silent car drive, since the chances of it every happening were a slim chance, but this time the silence was killing him. Not even the radio could help ease his bundle of nerves. His face was a blank canvas, void of emotions, but on the inside he was literally freaking out!

His fingers tapped on the steering wheel, anxiously waiting for the stoplight to change from red to green.

"Someone's antsy," Naruto giggled at the slight frown on Sasuke's face. "Oh, c'mon! You act like it's the end of the world, or something."

"Well excuse me for actually taking this thing seriously," the raven sneered.

"You're excused!" the blonde smiled lazily.

"Aren't you the least bit nervous?" Sasuke asked as he drove through the downtown district of Tokyo.

"Didn't me being silent not tick you off?" Naruto countered with a question of his own, fiddling with the radio buttons.

"I'd like an actually answer for my question, Dobe."

"And you got one, Teme. What more are yah looking for?"

"I'm looking for a: 'Fuck yeah, I'm nervous!', not a damn cocky response." he smacked Naruto's hand away from the radio dial, any longer and the blonde would have put something atrocious on the radio. Atrocious meaning Lady GaGa of course.

"Fuck yeah, I'm nervous!" Naruto mimicked, breaking out into laughter that slowly died down from the intense death glare he was getting from the raven. "Okay, okay… I'm nervous. Happy now?"

The raven smirked for his answer.

"Teme…," Naruto mumbled, slumping in his seat as he watched the vibrant colors of the Tokyo buildings pass by.

"Oi, Dobe, are you prepared?"

Naruto gave him his sexiest smile, that proudly brought out his whiskers and made his cerulean blue eyes sparkle, "Of course, Sasu-chan!"

"Got a name picked out?"

"Nope!" the blonde replied cheerfully.

Sasuke sighed, "Naru, you know that's going to be one of the first questions they ask you, and you don't even have a name chosen yet?"

Naruto pouted, "Well… none of mine were any good." he mumbled.

Sasuke looked at him from the corner of his eye, "They couldn't be that bad?" Naruto nodded, dug into his front pocket, pulling out a crumpled piece of notebook paper. The car had stopped at a red light, so Sasuke took the paper and read through the list of names. He raised an eyebrow at some of the names, "Really, Naruto? McShizzle Drizzle Fo Sho, really?"

"It was cool at the time!"

Sasuke just shook his head, rolling down the window and throwing the paper out. "How about Naru? That's cute, right?"

"No!" Naruto folded his arms across his chest, "You call me that so… no one else can."

Was that a blush on the adorable idiot's face?

Sasuke smiled despite himself, Naruto, his idiot of a friend, could truly be cute at times. Of course, he'd never say it to his face, in public…or in broad daylight. "Dobe, then what about Kit?"

Naruto ran a tanned hand across a whisker, out of many whiskers, on his face. He cringed slightly, shaking his head back and forth slowly. "Not going to happen."

"Tch… you're so stubborn," he pulled into the parking lot of where they were going to be taking the interview. The bright flashing sign on the café clearly stated: Akatsuki Café. Except the 'u' was in the form of a rose. 'That's… kind of tacky.' Sasuke cringed from the bright light the sign radiated.

"What's wrong, Teme? Scared of a little light?"

"Tch," was all he said before pulling the blonde towards the double doors of the café, "let's just get this over with-"

**Fourth Wall is Now Broken (:D)!**

Sasuke: Fallen!

Fallen: -turns around from desk in mid-type- What the fuck do you want, Duck-Butt? Ha! Duck and fuck rhyme… -giggles-

Sasuke: I would maim you right now if my character's development story wasn't in your hands…

Fallen: -Grins triumphantly- Now seriously, what do you want?

Naruto: Fallleeeeen! Don't you think the readers deserve a back story?

Fallen: Um…

Naruto: Give them a damn back story, Fallen!

Fallen: -Jumps up and wields light saber- What if I refuse to meet your demands, Naru-chan?

Naruto and Sasuke: Then we walk out.

Fallen: I could easily change the pairing to like… a SasorixDeidara fan fiction…

Sasuke: -Takes out cell phone- So you know that guy you like… what was his name again? -searches through contacts- What if I just… oh… I don't know, send him a little text message declaring your undying love for him?

Fallen: You wouldn't dare…

Naruto: Evil grin- Try us.

Fallen: ON WITH THE BACKSTORY! -sweat drops-

**Ha… I Fixed the Fourth Wall… No Worries.**

Naruto and Sasuke were sitting at their usual table underneath the sakura tree. It was just that time of the year when the petals of the tree were in full bloom. The light-pink petals falling everywhere and on everyone who wasn't lucky enough to escape their bombardment.

Ha… attack of the sakura petals… couldn't you just see the movie title now?

"You know… I've been having this weird feeling all day," Naruto stated, taking a bite out of his sandwich pretending that he _wasn't _getting stared down by millions of girls today.

Sasuke raised an eyebrow, "And that feeling would be…?"

"That's someone's been staring at us all day! But not just someone, a lot of someones!" Naruto exclaimed, all day for the past week and a half, every where he and the raven went eyes were always on them. Now yes, they were quite appealing to the eyes, but there was a line between admiration and done right… creepy stalker staring.

"What's makes you think that?" No, Sasuke wasn't oblivious to the stares, he just wanted to hear what type of reason Naruto would spring out.

"My spidey senses of course!" Ha… Spidey senses, that's just as crazy as being a ninja with the ability to make complete replicas of themselves…

"You have no spider senses, Dobe."

"Oh really!" Naruto challenged, ready to start a fight with Sasuke any moment.

"Yes, really, because if you did have such things you would have sensed that I was about to steal your sandwich."

"Wait, Wha-" but he couldn't finish his sentence because Sasuke was already leaning across the table, snatching up the damsel in distress!

"Sasuke! Let go of me sammich!" Naruto whined, reaching over the table to grab back his stolen food.

"Dobe, speak properly. You're never going to get any girls in your pants with that crude way of speaking." Sasuke chomped into the sandwich, munching on the contents loudly and rudely just to get the blonde's heart printed boxers in a knot.

Yes, Sasuke knew exactly what type of boxers Naruto had on today. And no, it's not because he spent the last few hours the previous night taking them off to have mind blowing sex. It was a Thursday… Naruto always wore his heart printed boxer collection on that day.

Naruto's whiny pout transformed into an evil smirk that could rival the raven's own. "I hope you enjoy that sandwich… it's your favorite. A BLT with all the works drowned with a hearty and healthy amount of mayo! Bon Appetite!"

Sasuke gagged, literally throwing up his sandwich, eyes bulging out, face turning red, blue, pink, indigo - to save time let's just say rainbow. Spitting out the contents of his sandwich, he let out a lethal, animalistic growl directed straight at the blonde. "You fucking moron!"

Naruto fell off the bench, doubled over in laughter. "See! This is why they teach us not to steal each other's food during kindergarten, Sasu-chan!"

Sasuke's eyes narrowed to slit, the normal onyx irises bleeding into a scarlet red, "I'm going to tie you to the end of a Mac Truck and laugh as your body hits all those various cars, trees, stray puppies that just happen to be unfortunate enough to be in the way of your onslaught." he smirked maniacally at the paled expression from the blonde.

"… You're a monster…"

"A monster with great hair."

"Ha! Great hair my ass! You have a duck-butt, Duck-butt!"

"…" Sasuke snapped. Now, let's use our imaginations for this little bit. Say we're looking at the inside of Sasuke's head, where we get a nice view of that thick, large cranium stored all up in there. Then, we examine the image closer, only focusing on one part of the brain where the Uchiha's nerves are all stored and controlled. For this, imagine that they're all in a line, like guitar strings. Finally, we add in the Duck-Butt comment and one of those, very thin, strings snaps.

Thus, we have an angered Uchiha on the rampage.

"Ahh! No, stop! Not in public, Teme!"

"Fucking shut up, Dobe, and let me finish this!"

"Nooooo! Gah, don't fucking touch me there, Pervert!"

"Quit squirming. It's going to hurt even more if you don't relax."

"It's lunch time guys, don't you think you can keep a little bit of self-control?" the two looked up from their struggle, which from anyone else's viewpoint it would look like Sasuke was trying to rape Naruto. Not like he would ever do that…

Green eyes that contrasted well on fair skin and light pink hair danced with mischief as she eyed her two friends up and down, a knowing smirk proudly etched on her face. "Please, save it for the bedroom guys. Or even better! You two should fuck in an alleyway in the middle of a crowded city! That would be so hot."

Sasuke slowly arose from the whining and grumpy blonde, smirking at his handy work. The scuffle from earlier was just him trying to retrieve Naruto's sharpie from his front pocket, nothing so scandalous and lemon-induced as trying to make sweet love to our little idiot blonde. Sorry yaoi-fan girls and boys… not today. Naruto's black, very intoxicating, sharpie was needed so that our little snapped raven could draw all sorts of obscenities on the poor idiot's face.

For example… a monocle was drawn over Naruto's left eye, and a nicely shaded in goatee was located underneath his bottom lip.

"Sakura, go find someone else to live out your yaoi-induced fantasies on, alright?" he asked, brushing the dirt off his pants.

"It's not a fantasy, Sasuke! You're just too blind to see it right now, but there's definitely a love blossoming between you two. Naruto; the number one, hyperactive, knuckle-headed person in Konoha High! And Sasuke; Konoha High's resident heart throb!"

"What the fuck, why is Sasuke the heart throb?" Naruto screamed, glaring slits at his pink haired friend. Seriously, you'd think she'd have more compassion for him since they were best friends from diapers! 'Once you share graham crackers with someone, you'd think that things would change between us!'

"Oh shush, Naruto. That language will never get you anywhere with the ladies." Sakura scolded the blonde, choosing to sit across from the pair at the lunch table. She held her laughing to a minimum, wait… no… that was a lie, she fell off the bench laughing at what Sasuke had drawn on Naruto's face. "Y-You look so-!"

"-Say one more thing and you're going to feel a lot less top heavy than usual, Sakura-_chan_." Naruto threatened, the whiskers on his face become more defined and fierce.

Sakura gave Naruto a wary glance that clearly stated, 'I'd like to see you try', but she opted on the chance on not getting the blonde pissed off anymore then she had to. Besides, she only came to find the two so she could actually _tell _them something!

"Good news, guys! I'm getting you a job!"

The two looked at each other, then raised an eyebrow back at Sakura, then back to each other, then Sakura, then each other. This lasted for about forty seconds before Naruto broke out in laughter and Sasuke stuck to his ever-popular smirk.

"You can't be serious, can you, Sakura?" Naruto said through laughs, "Me… and… hahaha… job! Sasuke… and… hahahhaa… a job!"

"Dobe's got a point. He's too lazy to even reach for the remote that's less than a foot away from him." he turned his smirk into a pout, scrunching his face up the way Naruto would if he was about to whine. "Ahhh, Sasuke! Grab the remote for me! It's so far away!"

"Teme!" he punched Uchiha right on the arm, taking it to the man! "I don't sound anything like that! Besides, it's even more outrageous for _you _to get a job, since you're filthy, stinking rich!"

He had a good point…

Sakura's visit was becoming more and more of a waste of time.

"Hey, guys, mind doing me a huge favor and shutting the fuck up? Please? Thanks." she smiled wickedly when the two abruptly quieted. Over the course of high school, Sakura had gained this superhuman strength from God knows where. Everyone said it was steroids, not to her face of course, but it was more or less true since the pink-haired super woman didn't tell anyone how she acquired such strength.

"Okay, now that I have your undivided attention," she shifted through his messenger bag, pulling out a flyer then handing it to the two. "See! It's this awesome new café located in downtown Tokyo. It's called Akatsuki Cosplay Café, and all the people that work there are hot, GAY, men!"

"Sakura… how many times do we have to tell you; we're _not _gay!" Naruto screamed, causing a few heads to turn around.

"Tch," Sasuke leaned forward, moving a piece of hair that was covering the dobe's ear, and licked the tantalizing flesh, "I could prove you wrong on that…," he purred seductively into Naruto's ear.

Cue the nose bleeding fan girl…

"See!" Sakura exclaimed moments after plugging her nose up with tissues. It always came handy to carry a couple around with you in your pocket, you never know when two attractive men will start going at it (so if you learned something new today, it's to always carry absorbent tissues)! "This is exactly why you two should apply for the job, you'd both be perfect!"

"No thanks." Naruto sipped his drink while humming a happy tune.

"I'll pass myself," Sasuke pulled out a book, pretending to actually be interested by the words on the page.

"Jesus, you two are insufferable!" Sakura grabbed the paper again, reading over the poster from top to bottom. Her eyes landed on the small print at the bottom of the page. Scanning over the words, a Cheshire like grin spread across her face like wildfire. "If I can't change your minds… maybe this will." she pointed the idiot blonde and the brooding raven towards the small set of words.

_Dear Otouto, _

_I have high hopes that you've found this flyer, since my last resort of contacting you seems to have failed. Really Sasuke, stop having a social life and check your email once in a while. _

_Anyway, if you're wondering why I'm indirectly addressing this to you then here's your answer: I need labor. Easy, manageable, cheap labor, hence the job flyers posted around city. Now I know, since Tokyo is such a huge city, the chances of you finding this flyer are very slim. However, since I've taken the liberty of posting a picture of what you look like, along with a 'Wanted' sign, on our Facebook page, I'm pretty sure someone crazed and deranged will bump into with this message sooner or later. _

_Hopefully you get off your lazy ass and come help your dear older brother out. And by help I mean, yet again, labor._

_Itachi._

_P.S. Bring that blonde idiot of yours too._

"That… fucking…," Sasuke started to say, grinding his teeth in anger at his brother's brash way of doing things. Seriously? Facebook, Itachi? Low blow… devious… smart… but low blow.

"Bastard!" Naruto ripped up the paper, the little pieces of its remains fluttering into the wind, only to get attached to the eyes of unfortunate civilians. "He hasn't seen me in years and he still has the damned nerve to call me an idiot!"

_'Because it's true…,' _the thought ran through both minds of Sakura and Sasuke.

"How the hell do you think I feel, Dobe." Sasuke crossed his arms in defiance, "Bastard… like hell I'm going to work at his damn café." he muttered.

"Um… guys, I really don't think you have an option." Sakura said, motioning to the looming shadow above them.

"Hola! Wie gehts?" the looming shadow boomed. Okay… so it wasn't a shadow, more of a confused man with no sense of where he was, or what language to use for that matter, gray hair that was slicked back and brushed his shoulders and really beautiful purple eyes. He leaned forward, eyeing the smaller raven up, before breaking out into a smirk. "Oh, so you're little raven! Nice to meet you Raven-san!" the man bowed, "The name's Hidan!"

_'Druggie…,'_ Naruto thought.

_'Hitman…,'_ Sakura thought.

_'My damn brother…,'_ Sasuke clenched his fists.

"Please don't tell me my brother sent you…"

"Fine, then I won't tell yah!" Hidan chirped, plopping himself in-between Sasuke and Naruto. "So are you going to go work for yah brother then?"

"No." Sasuke replied emotionlessly.

"Bummerrr… because Weasel-san said if you don't compromise, I get to go straight to your bank account and take away all of your fortune. Oh, but what's even better is that I get to post all your personal information on our Facebook page for the whole world to see! Apparently, you're a fan favorite among the fan girls; so adding in stuff like, size, weight, favorite place to go, favorite brand of underwear, will just generate a bigger pool of customers! Isn't that great!"

Sasuke didn't know what was worse: Hidan's cheery smile at basically wiping out someone's fortune (even though half of it was Itachi's), or the fact that his brother would steep so low as to endanger his general welfare.

Money… was something Sasuke loved dearly. Touching his money was your one way ticket to a lifetime of hell.

Fan girls… should come with their own restraining order and straight jacket. Nuff said.

"When do the interviews start…" Sasuke asked, keeping his voice under control.

"In two days! Weasel-san will email you all the details. Au revoir!"

"Ohhhh… this should be fun." Naruto deadpanned, taking another long sip of his water.

* * *

Oh geez, what has Itachi gotten his brother into!

Sasuke: -Attempts to jump out window-.

Me: No, No Sasuke don't do it! -runs up and gives you a parachute-. Okay, good ahead. You're clear for takeoff!

Naruto: SERIOUSLY?

Me: No hatred towards Sasuke whatsoever! Anyway, This chapter was pretty long.. (8 to 9? pages..., well that's long for me anyway) and I'm pretty sure it was sort of humorous... -nervous laughter- Anyway, this story is going to be 47 chapters (:. I know this because I am magical. No... I kid... I know this because I spent thirty minutes to an hour using the Notes App on my Ipod to type out plots for the chapters (:. So here's a little sneak peek so you know what to expect ;).

**Next Chapter: That Lucky Finger**

**Summary: It's interview time! And Itachi's questions turn a little... suggestive? Afterwards, our resident idiotic blonde and stoic raven act out a lovely romance scene to a regular costumer... **

I suck at summaries, I know, but I hope you all find it somewhat exciting to read on (:. Reviews and feedback would be great! Tell me if you'd like this story to continue ;D.

_~Peace and Love - Fallen.~_


	2. That Lucky Finger!

**Warning: Some mild fluff, some words in french, some words in korean, and possibly some coarse language. Also, the fourth wall will be broken two times Just think of them as line breaks (:, if you don't want to read them then feel free to skip over them.**

Not many characters unless you count Karin... but I'm not counting Karin (:. But for anyone who wants to know Karin's age it's 19. And yes I know, early update, no reviews, but that's okay (: they'll come! So I'll talk more at the end.

Read, Review, and don't forget to Enjoy (:

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**Akatsuki Cosplay Cafe**

**Chapter Two: That Lucky Finger!**

**The Fourth Wall Has Broken! I Repeat: The Wall is Broken! **

Naruto: Today's weather, partially cloudy with a slight chance of precipitation from Monday to Wednesday. The rest of the week seems clear with a high of 69 -cue immature giggle- and a low of 57. Now here's Sasuke with the traffic report.

Sasuke: Thanks, Dobe. Over the past two days, it seemed like we had a lot of traffic going past the Akatsuki Cosplay Café. It gives the impression to be a really popular spot, even though it's relatively new, where traffic just seems to clog up. As you can see here -points to graph- Over 90 people have stopped by and checked out Akatsuki Cosplay Café, and the number of readers just keeps growing. My guess is that we'll be getting a steady flow of traffic for the next couple of days, with a chance that many will review along the way. Back to you, Dobe.

Naruto: Go fuck yourself, Teme! -cue bright and innocent smile-. Now we have Hidan with the sports.

Hidan: Konichiwa! Hidan-desu! Happy Easter everybody, -gets an interruption through headset-. What…?… It's not Easter?… The Easter Bunny isn't real?… Well what about…?… Him too?… You're shitting me! -Throws headset to floor- Absolute bullshit! I'm going to my dressing room, Areviderci! -stomps off-

Naruto: Um… -nervous laughter- we'll be back right after this commercial break. Since we all know people don't pay attention to commercials, right now read Chapter 2, ne? -Beautiful smile-.

**False Alarm… The Wall is Still Standing…**

"Favorite color?"

"Orange!" the blonde piped up.

"Dark blue," the raven studied the imaginary dirt under his nails, the interview already boring him to death and beyond.

"Favorite food?" the man asked, taking notes every once in a while so it looked like he was _actually _paying attention.

"Ramen!"

"Whatever I'm in the mood for."

"Hm…," imaginary notes, "favorite sex position?"

Naruto blushed, sputtering over his answer. Seriously, who the fuck asks someone what their favorite sex position was? Well no one other than Itachi Uchiha himself, that's who.

Sasuke smirked, not only could he fuck around with his brother, he could even mess around with the dobe as well. It was all too great. "Isn't that obvious, Aniki?" he wrapped a loose arm around the blonde's shoulder, pulling him close so that his head rested on the raven's shoulder. "The blonde here obviously loves it doggy style. I, on the other hand, prefer something simple but pleasurable enough so I can ram my hardened dick directly into the prostate and-"

"Oh. My. God. Stop, Teme!" Naruto gagged, releasing himself from Sasuke's grip and wrapping his arms around himself. "Never do that while we're in the same room with somebody else again! We don't need to scare people with our sex talk." the blonde grinned lazily, playing along with the raven in his own twisted way.

"But Naru-chan, I want everyone to know all about our nightly escapades."

"Then write a book. Draw a manga. Make a fan fiction. Whatever! But I don't want to be around when you start spewing out your guts on our nightly activities!"

Itachi raised a silent eyebrow at the bickering duo. He had expected this, more or less. When the two were growing up, they fought all the time, but their innocence helped them to get over problems quickly. 'And now that innocence is gone,' Itachi tapped the pen against the bridge of his nose, as if he was lost in thought. He really didn't want to get involved with their bickering, all he really cared about was getting through this interview so they could move on.

"Kinky, Otouto, very kinky." Itachi added in his own opinion, jotting down imaginary notes. "Next question: Sex toy of preference?"

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Naruto jumped out of his seat, the poor chair toppling over and hitting the plush, dark carpet. "I'm not fucking answering that bullshit of a question." Really, Naruto's swearing could make any sailor blush and make all the moms in the world cry.

"Embarrassed on what your answer would be, Dobe?" Sasuke smirked, the comment just added more fuel to the fire; just the way Sasuke liked it.

"No, Teme, the question is just so incredibly stupid; there's no point in answering it! Why the fuck would I have a preference in what sex toy I use?"

"So you're admitting to the fact that you do use a sex toy, but you don't want to choose which one you prefer to use more?" Itachi cocked his head slightly, jotting more imaginary notes down, "Interesting."

"Sasuke! Tell you're brother to stop!" he nearly whined. Seriously! This interview was supposed to be sweet and simple. The sad reality was, it was nowhere near sweet, and just as far away to being simple as it could possibly be.

"I prefer the vibrator," Sasuke ignored Naruto's feeble plea for help, staring at his finger nails that showed he was more concerned if there was any dirt under those crisp, manicured nails rather than his blatant response.

"Oh?" Itachi quirked an eyebrow, "And why, dear Otouto, do you prefer the vibrator?"

"There are a couple of reasons," Sasuke crossed his legs, relaxing himself into the chair. "For one, it gives you the completeness of a dick," that comment made Naruto almost head out the door. Sure, he was use to being around Sasuke when he had, what Naruto liked to call: "His Fruity Moments". And hell yeah, Naruto was always happy to play along because it always got a kick out of him on how people reacted to them. But, this was just getting ridiculous! Sasuke was so composed on answering such… personal… questions to his brother that neither two had seen in years.

What… the… fuck…

"And?"

"It vibrates, bonus."

"Hn," Itachi grunted in approval, making one more imaginary note on his sketchpad. "I think I have collected all the information that I need." he stood up from his chair, gracing his little brother and companion with a smile that would cause a rupture of nosebleeds to erupt all over Japan. "You two have got the job."

"Yes!" Naruto pumped his fists in the air. The first mountain has been conquered, kicked, and blown into smithereens!

Too bad that was only the first…

The three stepped out of Itachi's cozy office, emerging into the world of Cosplay. Everywhere Naruto turned there were men in different outfits that all coexisted with their general theme for the day. Women, and even men, lined up by the door, waiting for their number to be called so that they too could bask in the wonderful pastries and hot men the café had to offer.

"Your Mille-feuille (1), mademoiselle," a man only to be known as the great Hidan, bowed respectfully as he placed the fresh, French pastry underneath the blushing girl's nose.

The woman delicately placed a piece of brown hair behind one of her pierced ears. Her eyes closed and a delightful moan escaped her lips while she took a whiff of the pastry below her, "It smells heavenly, Dan-chan!" she graced the man with a wide smile, "Is this another one of your magnificent creations?"

"Mais oui!" 'Dan-chan' replied with a chuckle before moving back to the kitchen. He walked passed Itachi, Naruto and Sasuke, stopping in his tracks with a wild grin on his face that Sasuke claimed to be insane. "Ah, Blondie, Lil' Raven," then he turned to Itachi and glomped the living daylights out of him, "WEASEL-SAN! I missed you so much!"

"Yes, Yes," Itachi nonchalantly patted his friend's back, ignoring the tear stains that were appearing on his cashmere sweater. Don't worry, each tear stain was just another dollar out of Hidan's pay. "work seems to be going well." he motioned towards the crowd of people that were coming in along with the hustle and bustle of his workers.

"Like you wouldn't believe, Weasel-san! Apparently people love the European feel, being French just gave us the extra boost we needed to bag all these customers."

"Hn," Itachi nodded, which was also a signal to Hidan stating to leave the three alone. With a slight wave of the hand, a good-bye in some language foreign to both teens, Hidan went back to his persona, Dan-chan, and pleased the masses.

"How many languages does that guy know…?" Naruto asked dumbfounded, still caught up in the orchestrated chaos the café seemed to create. "Is it always this-"

"Hectic? Chaotic? Full?" Itachi finished the blonde's question, pleased to see Naruto nod afterwards. "It's like this everyday. Our busiest days are Wednesday and Friday and our busiest times are the Lunch Rush and Evening hours."

Sasuke nodded to his brother's explanation, it seemed plausible enough - not that he would deny it anyways, there wasobvious evidence that this café had never seen an empty day once in it's life. "So, when do we start working?" Sasuke turned to face his brother, their eyes meeting in a silent challenge that Naruto scoffed at.

'They're always looking for a fight with one another,' Of course, that was the complete opposite of Naruto always looking for a way to best the raven.

"Not so fast, Otouto. There's still one more, minor, thing you have to do."

"You're shitting me right?" Naruto said a little too loudly, causing some heads to glance their way. 'Ohhhh fuck on a table,' Naruto mentally cursed, waving the people off with an Uzumaki like smile. It seemed to work because most of the girls just giggled and blushed, turning back to their conversations, while others just glared (minus a giggle or blush), and resumed their talking as well.

Naruto looked back to find a smirking Itachi and a head-shaking Sasuke. "What?" Naruto asked innocently.

"You're such an idiot, Dobe."

"Take that back, Teme!" Naruto snarled, just about ready to grab those boxing gloves and start an all out brawl, but it probably wouldn't help the publicity of the café that much if they saw Naruto landing fists on Sasuke and vice versa.

"Can you two every go a day without fighting?" Itachi raised an eyebrow slightly.

"No." the two replied calmly, without even giving it a second thought.

"Hm…"

"So, this thing we have to do. What is it?" Sasuke raised an eyebrow of his own.

This… is where things get scary. Itachi smirked, no… more like gave the two an insane and mental smile that sent vivid shivers up and down the boys spines. For some reason… some strange and unrealistic feeling… was telling them to run while they still could.

Too late to run now, boys…

**Temporary Crack in the Fourth Wall.**

Itachi: Welcome to Akatsuki Cosplay Café. Before reading on, I would like to inform you that what you are about to read may cause your nose to start bleeding uncontrollably. I would advise that you have a box of tissues handy, just in case. Now enjoy the rest of chapter 2. -Handsome smile-

**Don't Worry, the Wall's Been fixed.**

"Madam, I must say… you look very beautiful today." Sasuke purred into the red-head's ear, eliciting a slight purr to escape her lips.

"Oh, Sasuke-kun, I don't look that great!" she tried to laugh it off as if it were nothing, but Sasuke knew better. The compliment had hit home, just like Itachi said it would since the girl he was talking too, named Karin, was such a sucker for cheap pick-up-lines and loads of compliments.

Just like the rest of the female population…

"Seriously, you're beauty is like a rose, and your name is just as sweet." Naruto winked, hoping to gain favor with the red-head, but sadly - she didn't really care much for the blonde. Sure, he was hot as Hell in his little French Waiter get up, but then there was Sasuke, who looked just like her old crush ,Itachi, so she chose the raven over the kit.

Sorry Naruto…

"Mhm," Karin mindlessly nodded, to enrapt with the comfort of Sasuke's shoulder and the warm sense of his arm lingering on her waist. 'If only it was a little bit lower…'

"Um…," Naruto fidgeted in his seat, biting his bottom lip as if he were in deep thought. 'She's not paying attention to me at all!' Naruto screamed, on the inside. 'But it's just like Itachi predicted…' he let his thoughts trail off, he had to perform well because only a few feet away Itachi and his crew were watching from the shadows… one little mistake and he'd probably end up dead. Not much of a joke really.

"You look a little thirsty, Karin-chan. Mind if I pour you some tea?" without waiting for a response, Naruto began to pour decent amounts of tea into everyone's cup. Just as he was about to pour his own tea, his hand slipped, causing some of the tea to splash on his index finger.

"Itai!" Naruto screamed out in pain, sucking on this throbbing finger.

"Yes, that's it Blondie! No pain no gain!" Hidan whispered from his hiding spot. It was always fun to write out story lines for the workers to act out. Not only did it give Hidan the chance to put everyone in awkward situations, it also got customers begging for more - a big plus!

"Could you be anymore louder, un!" a very feminine blonde asked, whispering just as loud as Hidan.

"Deidara, Hidan, kindly shut up." Itachi quietly instructed, taking more "notes". The three were all kneeling behind a counter that gave them a great view of the performance before them. They've seen the same storyline play out millions of times, but somehow seeing his little brother and his childhood friend act out the scene made

"Ah, Naruto-kun, are you alright?" Karin faked concern for the injured blonde, truthfully she didn't really care much for him, she just wanted to gain some brownie points with Sasuke, apparently the two were best friends. So, she concluded if she was nice to the blonde, Sasuke would find that appealing and fall head over heels in love with her!

It's scary what type of things run through a deranged person's mind.

"Hn!" Naruto happily nodded, slightly avoiding eye contact with the raven's questioning glare.

"Naru," Sasuke's voice rang through his ears, sending a mini-blush across the blonde's face. He hated when Sasuke used his seduction voice, it was so… seducing! The raven was clearly flaunting his sexuality right in the blonde's face, knowing Naruto could never stand up to it. "let me see your finger."

"No, Sasu! Really, I'm fine!" but Sasuke didn't listen to his protests and walked to the other side of the booth, sliding in next to Naruto. He gently gripped the blonde's hand, examining the damage. 'Itachi said he wouldn't make the tea so hot,' he looked at the tiny blisters that were forming on the blonde's finger, 'why did I even believe him…?' he silently asked.

Now here's where the nosebleeds start…

"Dobe, you should have let me handled the tea."

Naruto avoided eye contact, forming a slight pout on his lips, "But I wanted to do something… I couldn't just sit there…"

Sasuke slightly snorted, bringing the injured finger to his lips. Sucking and nipping, and gently kissing the tanned appendage, causing a slight moan to escape the blonde's lips and the tea cup Karin was holding to lifelessly fall back on the plate - don't worry everyone, the cup wasn't too high up so nothing was broken…

'I don't know if I should feel threatened by the blonde… or completely swooned by the MOE that's being played out in front of me.' Karin thought as she stared at the raven's pale lips continually sucking on that same finger. A slight dribble of blood ran down her nose, a blush on her face and her eyes glued on the slight shonan-ai scene in front of her.

That damn lucky appendage!

"Mon petit kit, ne rien faire aussi sot que vous blesser à nouveau. Promets-moi."(2) Sasuke gently whispered into the blonde's exposed ear.

"Je vous promets."(3) Naruto whispered back, placing a ghost kiss against the raven's cheek.

Now, while you're reading this scene being played, just imagine Hidan mouthing the words along with them, trying to get Itachi to follow suit - only to receive a cold glare and a swat of the hand from Itachi.

Hidan's spirit was crushed… only slightly of course.

Karin sat dumfounded. How could she compete with a French speaking blonde! 'Oh yeah… he's definitely a threat.' she thought, but smiled anyway. She couldn't lose her control again over jealousy, not like the last time. The last time… well… that's a story for another day…

Maybe.

"I'm terribly sorry for the interruption, madam," Itachi graced the three with his presence and a beautiful smile, "but it's time for us to close up shop. If you would like, before you leave, you may designate one of these fine and lovely hosts as your personal one for whenever you decide to return."

"Sounds good," she stood up, fixing the wrinkles on her pencil skirt. Karin flipped her hair back, adjusting her black-square rimmed glasses. "I'll be choosing Sasuke-kun as my personal host." and with another flip, and a wayward glance to a less than happy blonde, she was out the door.

"Karin-chan… and… Otouto," he wrote the little note done for later. The first piece of actually writing that ever graced the yellow, blue-lined note sheet. Score!

"Did she really have to choose me…?" Sasuke grumbled but was slightly happy, nonetheless, that Naruto and himself were able to go through that entire act without a hitch.

Yup… it was all an act, a rouse, a sham, based on one of the many scripts stored in the café's PlayBook. It was basically a huge binder with various scripts that paired the different workers of the Akatsuki Café with one another, acting out in different, gay-themed, scenarios.

Some were light, only involving a couple of flirting pick-up lines, hugs, and kissing cheeks. Then there were the "M" rated files containing… well, just let your imagination wonder on that.

Sasuke and Naruto had gotten the lucky script: Uke spills tea on finger and Seme attacks the pour little appendage.

"At least she liked you! It was like I was the damn third-wheel on a date!" Naruto whined, loosening the bow ties grip from his neck. 'If I never see a bow-tie again, I'll die a happy man.' "Can someone get me a fucking band-aid here! Preferably Scooby-Doo!"

"Oi! Lil' Raven, Blondie! joh-eun jigjang(4), you totally rocked it!" Hidan congratulated them in Korean, running up to give the boys two bone-shattering hugs. "You even got a little blood dribbling down that poor girls nose."

"Congrats on a job well done, Otouto, Naruto-kun." Itachi slightly nodded.

"Score!" Naruto fist pumped, a little too excited on getting the job. Sasuke stayed silent, even though he was happy to actually get a job - one where he got to work very closely with a certain blonde…

"Sasu-chan!" Naruto glomped the raven from behind, grinning wildly from ear to ear with a child-like gleam in his eyes. "Let's celebrate with ramen, 'kay?"

"Not so fast, Blondie. You guys still need a nickname." Hidan pulled up a chair and faced it backwards, so that his feet sat on either side of the seat. "I don't think Blondie and Lil' Raven will cut it though, but they work just fine for me!"

Itachi raised an eyebrow at the cackling man, 'Sometimes I wonder about his sanity,' he turned towards his two new workers. "Anything in mind?"

Naruto opened his mouth to speak but Sasuke quickly closed him off. "Don't. Say. Anything." Sasuke hissed and Naruto quietly nodded. Releasing the grip he had on Naruto's mouth, he turned to his brother, "I've decided on the name Raven."

"Ohhh, mysterious and sexy! Dos points!" Hidan held up two fingers, "and you, Blondie?"

"Um… well.. Gah… ahaha," he rubbed the back of his head nervously, "I haven't really thought of one yet."

"Well hurry it up, Blondie! We can't send you out into a sea of overly perfumed women without a nickname."

"Uh… well, maybe… I-"

"-Ru." Sasuke quietly added. "Your name will be Ru, Dobe." and walked off to the changing room leaving a confused blonde and a smirking Itachi.

"Ru it is then."

* * *

I'm sorry if the last part seemed a little rushed, but I was hitting my limit - so I thought that would be a good place to end it.

Now here's where the numbers come in! :D -throws confetti

(1) - A french pastry I googled (:

(2) - My little kit, do nothing so stupid as to hurt yourself again. Promise me.

(3) - I promise.

(4) - Good job.

Woot, that's out of the way. I'm doing a double update this week of this story... because I have like the first five chapters already typed out, so I'm being a little bit of a... um... speedy (?) updater and getting this out quicker. Mostly because I'm antsy T^T, but I'm toning it down so I can work on other stories. I think that's all that needs to be said... get's more humorful as time progresses.

Also, I googled what cosplay meant, just to refresh my memory. And I learned it was dressing up like a favorite anime character. For some reason I thought it was just dressing up in general, so for the future chapters I have regular dress up themes, but if you have any ideas of anime themes, or regular themes in general you'd like to see the characters go through... I'll be happy to incorporate them into the story (:.

So far I have, School, French Waiter (already used in this chapter) Gothic Lolli, Emo-Neko boy, Circus, Japense Kimono.

Review and tell me what you think (:.

**Next Chapter: New Characters FTW**

**Summary: We meet the rest of the Akatsuki Cosplay Workers, and to say they're interesting would be the least of it. **

_~ Peace & Love - Fallen.~_


	3. New Characters FTW!

When you mix generosity with boredom and add in a sprinkle of Saturday Night jitters... you get chapter three (:. Hopefully it's void of spelling mistakes and grammar mistakes T^T, Lord knows I have issues with those... anyway, on to the warning!

**Warning: Some minor... fluffy lemon (is that what you would call it O_O). Either way it doesn't go into major detail. Some very... coarse language from our resident blondies, and hm... a couple of nosebleeds? Either way... keep tissues handy. And finally, I break the fourth wall at least three times. If you don't like that, then feel free to skip over that part when it comes.**

New Pairings:

SasorixDeidara

New Characters:

Sasori - 28

Deidara - 26

Pein - 29

Kisame - 26

Zetsu - 24

Enjoy (:**

* * *

**

**Akatsuki Cosplay Cafe**

**Chapter Three: New Characters FTW!**

**OH NO! The Wall's Broken Again… Whatever Shall We Do?**

Hidan: Oi, Fallen-chan, you need a nickname.

Fallen: Ehhhh? -Looks at you funny- Why?

Hidan: Because, I don't feel like calling you Fallen-chan anymore.

Fallen: That's a really stupid reason.

Hidan: Yeah? Well you're mom's a stupid reason! -superior smirk- Now pick a name, any name, no one will judge you for whatever name you pick!

(Obviously he's lying…)

Fallen: Princess Fluffy Unicorn of the Rising Sun… Twice Removed.

Hidan: O_O.

Fallen: o.O?

Hidan: -Walks away to a closet-. -Closes the door-. -Bursts out laughing- That's so stupid! Ahahahaha! What the fuck! Hahahahaha!

Fallen: I hope you choke on you're on laughter… -death glare- Anyway! I gotta go fix up the fourth wall… so go on and read chapter 3 while I go fix up this mess… and kill the laughing fool.

**After 10 Hours, The Wall Has Finally Been Fixed.**

"Please, do come again." Itachi bowed respectfully, his long, light blue flowing kimono brushing the ground.

"Oh please, just one more minute?" the girl whined, tugging on the sleeve of the kimono. She was just about to sneak in for a kiss when closing time came around, but nooo, Itachi was a man who was constantly restrained by time.

Stupid punctuality fetish.

"Oi, Girlie, Weasel-san said it's time to leave. Get your ass out of here and scram," Hidan smiled kindly, but his eyes were glaring slits, challenging her to say something else.

The girl scowled, unlatching herself from Itachi's sleeve and stomping her way out, but not before she "accidentally" kicked Hidan in the shin and ran away.

"You little son of a-!"

"-Manners, Hidan," Itachi soothed, patting his cursing friend on the shoulder. "Really, you should have learned by now. Most of the women who come here are less than sane."

"Still! You'd think they'd have the fucking decency to at least flick me off, but nooo - they think it's proper to kick a man in his shin!" he sneered, rubbing his abused shin, "It was my bad shin too, Weasel-san!" Hidan whined, pouting, looking for sympathy.

"I still don't see why you're so popular," Sasuke mindlessly added in, cleaning off the tables with Naruto's help.

"Yeah! You're mean to like any girl that stays in here after hours." Naruto added in his two cents as well, growing accustomed the Hidan's weird behavior. Wait, Hidan was, _always _weird but there were times where the purple-iris man could really outdo himself.

"Correction, Blondie: I'm only mean to any girl after _Itachi_, that stays after hours." Hidan shrugged like his explanation made perfect sense, which it probably did if you actually knew him.

"Ohh, someone has the hots for Itachi," Naruto waggled his eyebrows, only to get attacked by a flying… plate?

Poor plate… it missed it's target and smashed into a light-pink, colored wall. Shattering, it's pieces falling to the floor one by one.

Seriously… what did the wall every do to Hidan?

**Temporary Crack**

Hidan: I never liked that wall…

Sasuke: Well obviously. -snorts-

Itachi: I have to agree, that wall is pretty… horrifying.

Hidan: See! I'm not the only one who thinks that wall is possessed!

Naruto: Hello! Have we all forgotten the fact that the plate was meant to hit me! -whines-.

Sasuke and Hidan and Itachi: No. -states blankly-.

Sasuke: Besides it's not like you wanted to get hit by the plate, causing your head to bleed uncontrollably leading to you becoming unconscious, maybe even suffering from a concussion.

Naruto: -Gulps- I didn't need the full story, Sasuke.

Sasuke: -Shrugs-.

**Crack Kills! So the Wall Has Now Been Fixed.**

"And that's three hundred and fifty dollars out of your paycheck this week, Hidan." Itachi smiled casually. The small gesture made Hidan's blood run cold, and his body start to shake. Sometimes, the older raven could be such the devil… especially when it came to money.

Hm… guess that's where Sasuke got it from.

"Oh, c'mon, Weasel-san!" Hidan whined, hugging the raven around his waist, "Don't do this to me! I have two kids and a wife at home that need to be fed! Can't you give me another chance, mate?" somehow, a British accent seeped through his words, Hidan's bottom lip jutted out into a pout.

Itachi glanced down at the pleading man in front of him that was so carelessly hanging around his waist. Now see, if this were anybody else trying to beg the man - or even touch him - let's just say… things would get a little messy.

"Wow, Hidan, for a minute there you almost got me to feel something. Good job." Itachi shoved the man off gently, fixing the wrinkles that appeared on his shirt after the hugging onslaught.

Ha… wouldn't it be funny if Itachi was thinking: 'Die wrinkles die! How dare you try to imperialize my shirt! Oh, you're bringing in your lint enforcements? Ha! They will die by the hand of my lint roller!'

… Moving on…

"Wow, Teme, you're brother's like… the devil." Naruto whispered, glancing towards Sasuke's smirking brother and a crying Hidan, picking up the last few plates on the table.

"No, Dobe. He's not just _like _the devil, he _is _the devil. Major difference." Sasuke carried the plates over to the back where they would be washed later.

Naruto quickly followed after the raven, in a skip, run, walk, mixture trying to balance the twenty plates in his hand. He already saw how much Itachi was willing to deduct Hidan's pay just because he threw a plate at the him, he really didn't want to see how much the older raven would deduct if he was careless enough to let all twenty plates fall to the floor.

But of course, fate's just a big pain in the ass sometimes.

_Crash_!

Went the plates as they collided to the floor one by one. Each plate shatter ripped at Naruto's heart strings because he knew each and every shattered piece was just another dollar getting subtracted from his pay.

"WHYYYYYY!" Naruto fell to the floor, throwing his arms in the air dramatically as he held back sobs. It was only his second week on the job, even though he didn't do much - just cleaning up and helping out with the pastry baking, and he was already going to lose half his pay, "WHY, GOD, WHY!" he screamed up into the heavens, a waterfall of tears streaming down his face.

He turned to look at the person he bumped into, glaring slits at the taller blonde who's hair was pulled back in a ponytail, one bang covering his right eye leaving the other one visible. Naruto glared slits at the other man who was staring down at the million tiny pieces on the floor.

"Itachi's going to kill you, un. That was his favorite dining set." the blonde made a tsk tsk sound, shaking his head in dismay.

"It's all your fault, you bastard!" Naruto screamed, pointing an accusing finger at the eyebrow raising blonde, "If you just watched where you were fucking going none of this would have happened!"

"Hey, I wasn't the genius who told you it was okay to carry twenty plates at a time, un. That's your own act of stupidity, un." the blonde smirked at the reddening Naruto. Taking his time to study the enraged blonde beneath him. "Oh, you're the newbie aren't you!" he leaned in closer, causing Naruto to lean back, grinning like a fool, "You have whiskers on either side of your face. You look like a fox, un!" the taller blonde snapped his fingers, as if he just experienced an epiphany, "That's it! I'll call you Kit-chan! How does that sound, un?"

Naruto blinked up at the idiotically smiling man, 'He's… on something. Crack maybe?' he thought as the taller blonde rambled on and on about his whiskers and how much he resembled a cute little fox. 'How I got these scars…,' his hand traced one of the whiskers, 'not much of a cute story.'

"Itai! Sari! Stop pulling on my ear! It hurts, un!" the blonde whined, as his ear was forcibly pulled away from Naruto and into the arms of a redhead.

"Deidara," the emotionless voice called, sending shivers up and down Naruto's spine. Seriously… his voice just dropped the temperature in the room by thirty degrees. "what the fuck did I tell you about messing with the newbies?" Oh, he had a sailor's mouth too. What joy!

"But, Sari-!"

"Don't call me that, dumbass."

"Why not! You're real name is such a drag, un. I mean really, Sasori? Who names a kid Sasori, un?"

'Is this guy an idiot!' Naruto thought, fearing for his own life and he was just sitting there on the ground cowering on the floor. The fear that Itachi would doc his pay flew out of his mind just as fast as Sasori appeared. 'This guy has to be apart of a gang! Oh geez, oh geez, oh fuck on a table, oh my rainbow - I'm going to die!'

Please do ignore the blonde's inner rambles… he gets like that from time to time.

The anger that flashed through Sasori's brown eyes didn't seem to faze Deidara, who was still going on, and on, and on… and on, about what a weird name 'Sasori' was.

'He's gonna get killed!'

"Deidara," Sasori's voice was smooth, breaking Deidara out of his ramble.

"Hm?" Deidara didn't get a word in edge wise as a pair of lips were pressed against his own.

Naruto sat shell-shocked, 'Are they... making out?' from the moan that escaped Deidara's lips, Naruto could only assume his guess was correct, 'I bet his tongue is like, laced with poison,' another moan and a buck of the hips, '… or… an aphrodisiac,' Yeah… he's a real funny kid; that Naruto.

"Dobe, what do you think you're doing?" Sasuke knelt down next to the sitting blonde, eyes surveying the damage of the poor little Peacock Dinner Plates that just couldn't survive the impact. Really, it was like Sasuke was looking at a war field where there were just random bodies lying around.

"Well obviously I'm watching those two make out, Teme." Naruto snarled sarcastically, following the direction of the raven's gaze.

"You broke the plates," Sasuke pointed out in a straightforward way.

"I know."

"Those were Itachi's favorite."

"I _know_."

"You're screwed."

"I KNOW DAMMIT!" Naruto yelled.

Itachi raised an eyebrow, tuning out Hidan's long story about how he owed a man his life for saving him off the streets of Britain (Hidan grew up nowhere near Britain) and how, every since then he promised to pay back every cent he made to the man so that he too could live a life of wonders, turning his gaze turning towards his brother and Naruto. 'Why are they on the floor…' then he turned to Sasori and Deidara who were pretty much making love in the middle of the café. 'Idiots.' Itachi thought as he made his way over.

Footsteps…

"Oh God, please don't tell me that's your brother I hear coming," seriously, Naruto's hearing was way too good for any normal human to have.

Sasuke looked up, having an eye-to-eye contact with his brother that was looming only a few feet above him. He glanced back at the shaking blonde beside him, who obviously grasped the fact that Itachi was right behind them, "Alright, then I won't tell you."

Cue wide smirk from Sasuke.

"Naruto-kun," the emotionless voice that resonated through Naruto's ears made him stiffen. Goosebumps ran up and down his arms, the little blonde hairs standing up and he was sure as hell he probably peed himself a little. "are those the shattered remains of my very expensive plates?" Naruto didn't have to look to sense the older raven raise an eyebrow.

"W-What?" Naruto glanced down at the pieces on the floor, laughing nervously as his eyes scattered left and right, "Are these your plates? Seriously? Man, they just don't make them like they used too…" Naruto bowed his head in remorse, "I am so sorry for your lose."

"Naruto-kun,"

Naruto raised his head.

"Four hundred dollars." Itachi made the note into his sketchpad.

"NOOOO!" Naruto grabbed onto the older raven's ankles, "You can't do this to me! I have a wife and two kids to take care of!"

"Ha, nice try kid. If that bullshit of an excuse isn't going to work for me, it sure as hell won't work for you." Hidan pulled the blonde off the floor, wiping the dirt off his shirt.

"Save yourself the trouble now and clean up the mess you made, Dobe."

"I'll clean up your face, Teme." Naruto mumbled as he started to pick up piece… by piece… by piece.

"_Aaah… Aahhh! Oh f-fuck yes…! R-Right there, S-Sari!"_

"I'm presuming you've already met Deidara and Sasori," Itachi motioned toward the naked couple. Really, those two stripped their clothes so fast… "Have you two met the others yet?"

Naruto shook his head, "Are they all like… those two?" he pointed towards the couple who were completely in heat.

"Nah, they just have the decency to fuck when they're not in public." Hidan smirked.

"Oh…"

+Akatsuki Cosplay Café+

"Kisame," Itachi pointed to a fish-like man with razor sharp teeth and creepy eyes.

"Yo, hos!" Kisame greeted them with a sharp-toothed smile.

"Sasuke… have you seen his teeth?" Naruto whispered to the raven, who also couldn't stop staring at those sharp, shark-like, teeth.

"Hn."

"He probably eats people with those things!"

"Hn." Sasuke wordlessly nodded, even though the utter thought of someone eating another human being was completely preposterous.

Besides, Kisame had only eaten someone one time, and that was only because he forgot to check the label on a meat package.

"Tobi," Itachi pointed to the next worker, who was wearing some weird orange mask that all swirled together into one black eye hole.

'Creeper,' Naruto and Sasuke thought.

"Ello, Tobi here!" the orange masked man cried out, bringing the two into a hug.

Naruto liked Tobi, anyone who had the balls to wear that sort of mask - especially an orange one!- was a friend of his.

Sasuke, on the other hand, just found a new reason why he should strengthen his dosage of pain medication.

"Zetsu,"

The half black, half white (not racially, but his face was painted that way…) man with soulless green eyes wordlessly nodded towards the two.

"Is that…," Naruto began to whisper.

"I think so…"

The two were staring at the Venus Fly Trap that surrounded Zetsu's head. Kind of like one of those plastic cone things the doctors give your dog so people can laugh as your poor little Chihuahua trots down the sidewalk.

**Minor Crack**

Sasuke: It's not meant for that, Fallen.

Fallen: It's not! -gapes-

Sasuke: No, idiot, it's meant so the dog doesn't gnaw on it's neck.

Fallen: Then why don't they put a cone around the dog's rear end?

Sasuke: Did you seriously just ask me that…?

Cue nervous giggle.

**Crack Fixed**

"You already know these two," Itachi motioned to Deidara and Sasori. "Along with Hidan," Hidan did some crazy salute towards the two.

"Nice to meet you, un!" Deidara happily waved like he _didn't _just get finished having sex with the red-head beside him.

"Newbies," Sasori nodded towards the two. He was never a man of words really.

"And finally, we have Pein."

The orange haired man, wait no…. let's go back to his hair description. It resembled Naruto's in a way, jutting out in different directions - so that was sort of normal. But his hair color, it looked like someone just dumped his head into a bucket of carrot juice. Soaking the hair for thirty minutes, lathering, then repeating the process.

All in all his hair was abnormally bright.

Pein nodded slightly, holding onto something wrapped in his arms.

"What's that?" Naruto cocked his head, trying to get a better look.

Pein looked towards Itachi, who gave a small, apologetic, smile. "My apologies, I forgot to introduce you to our final member. Otouto, Naruto-kun, this is Mr. Snuggles."

Pein held out his small, pink, bunny that seemed to have gone through Hell and back. His left ear was torn off, and it had random blotches of dirt stains all over it's body. For some reason, that neither Naruto or Sasuke could comprehend, Pein held onto that bunny like his life depended on it.

"Mr. Snuggles says hi," Pein smiled softly.

Some blinking from a blonde and a raven…

"Oh. My. God! He's so cute!" Naruto cooed, playing with one of the ears that didn't look like someone ripped it off with their teeth.

Pein just stuck to his soft smile, petting the top of Mr. Snuggles head lovingly.

"Why is he so fond of that thing?" Sasuke raised an eyebrow, wondering how in the world someone like Pein, who by the way - his face was covered with piercing of all different sorts - would cherish such a thing.

"I don't know, Otouto. Why not ask him yourself?" Itachi smirked, writing some more things done in his sketchpad.

The raven growled at his brother. Did everyone have to answer his question with a question of their own? "Can't you just answer me straightforwardly?"

"Can't you stop growling?" Another snarl, "Really, Otouto, your constant growling and snarling are going to cause wrinkles. Women don't like to see a man with wrinkles so clearly plastered on their face."

"Are you saying we get to actually work tomorrow?" Naruto jumped into the conversation, eyes gleaming with eager enthusiasm to please the masses.

"Oh you guys are going to _love _working tomorrow. The Panties here are so easy to please, and just as fun to tease." Deidara winked at the gaping mouths of Naruto (his jaw was on the floor) and Sasuke (who had more a bemused look than one of shock).

"Excuse me?" Naruto squeaked. Nice going, Blondie.

"What?" Deidara shrugged, walking over to the huge glass window that overlooked the city and all its civilians walking by. He motioned the blonde over with a hand and pointed at the girls that walked by through the glass. "See that Panty over there?" Naruto nodded despite his confusion, "That's a regular customer, been coming here since the beginning. She likes it when you play with her fingers. Oh and that Panty," he motioned to a girl wearing a yellow shirt who was clearly oblivious to Deidara's pointing. "she likes it when you call her cute pet names, so be creative with her. Oh, oh! And don't even get me started on that Red-headed Panty over there!"

"… Aniki, please tell me I'm just hearing things…"

"I'm sorry, Otouto, but I was brought up in a household where lies are deemed as sins." Itachi smirked at the blushing blonde who was eagerly nodding along to Deidara's Panty ramble.

"Why-?"

"-Does he call girl's Panties?" the older raven brought the pen to the bridge of his nose, pretending as if he were deep in thought, "Well, I honestly couldn't answer that. Why not go ask him yourself, Otouto?"

The younger raven took a weary glance at the taller blonde, who was now making more of a commotion than he was earlier, "I'd rather not…"

"Fair enough," Itachi shrugged. All eyes were on the two blondes near the front-view glass and it seemed as if they were bringing a crowd of woman to the front, banging on the door and glass, begging for entrance. However, Deidara was still caught up in teaching the little blonde all the quirks of each and every woman that crowded by the glass.

"That Panty has a chocolate fetish." another point, "Oh! And that one likes soft rock, un."

"They're starting a riot," Kisame pointed out the obvious.

Gotta love the Captain Obvious in the group.

"They're going to break the glass." oh another Captain obvious! Zetsu nodded at his own statement, but didn't make any attempts to stop them.

"Mr. Snuggles says those women are scary," Pein whispered, rocking the bunny back and forth.

Itachi let out a sigh. And women wonder why so many men were gay… "Sasori, if you will?"

The redhead nodded, wasting no time walking over to Deidara, wrapping his arms around the taller blonde's waist. Sasori pressed against Deidara, thrusting his hips in an upward motion. Deidara moaned, letting his head fall back onto Sasori's strong shoulders as a cold hand gripped his hardening member.

They didn't even realize there was a awestruck blonde and a sea of crazed women watching their actions.

"Oh God, Sasori… faster!" Deidara moaned, bucking his hips to meet with Sasori's thrusts.

Cue a sea of nosebleeds and a passed out blonde…

Itachi, Kisame, Zetsu and Pein smirked at Sasuke's expression. It was pretty hilarious. His eyebrows skyrocketed upwards, and his face was fully red with his eyes bulging out of his head. Kind of like the face one would have if you were randomly kicked in the crotch.

"And that's why Sasori's our employee of the month," Itachi wrote some more notes on his sketchpad before pointing into the direction of Sasori's Employee of the Month plaque… he was employee of the month _a lot. _"Lets see if you and Naruto-kun can meet up to those standards," and stridden away with a perky Hidan behind him.

"… Mr. Snuggles says you should go pick up Naruto-kun." Pein said quietly, still petting that bunny. "I'll go clean up the mess outside."

Sasuke stared at the dazed blonde beneath him, his eyes set in swirls and his mouth hung wide open. "Dobe, acts like he's never seen two men get hot and bothered before." carrying him bridal-style, Sasuke walked to the back of the room, leaving Sasori and Deidara to their intense love making_. _

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Ha! Sasori and that sailor's mouth...

Aww, Pein has a stuffed bunny named Mr. Snuggles (sorry... I couldn't think of anything better D:, I could change the name later on if you have any suggestions...)

So we have new characters, and new pairings (: - just what any great story needs!

And just in case you're wondering... Mr. Snuggles is an old geezer of a bunny! Mwahaha like at least... 19/20 years of age... but there's always a wonderful backstory on such things, and these things shall be mentioned later (:.

I don't know about you, but I absolutely love Deidara calling girls Panties - it was hilarious writing this chapter out :3. I hope you guys didn't find it too vulgar, but instead find it highly comical :D.

**Next Chapter: First Day On The Job, Is It Too Early To Quit Yet?**

**Summary: Naruto and Sasuke have their first offical day on the job playing out their new roles. (Short, I know, but it's still as sweet... eh...)**

_~Peace and Love - Fallen.~_


	4. First Day On the Job

I'm feeling so generous on this fine, Tuesday afternoon, that I'm going to update rather quickly with this story :D. But after this I can't promise you that I'll be as speedy as I am now.

BEFORE YOU READ! Thank you to all the people who have reviewed/ added this story to their favorites and story alerts so far :D.

**To rokudaime09 - Thank you for the manga suggestions! I'll be looking into them very soon (I've read and watched Ouran High School Hostclub; best. anime/manga. ever! I've also read kaicho wa maid-sama but i stopped half way... T^T. I'll pick it up again though!) Naruto dresses up as a girl in this chapter - and the next- actually, so I hope you like it! :D.**

**To Boo I scare you - Here's chapter four for you since you were so sad when you reached the end of chapter three! In time my reviews will come, I know it, so thank you for being so supportive of this story - I really appreciate it!**

**To XMistressDevilx - Oh geez, when I read your review I started to do a happy dance in the middle of my bedroom, then my mom walks in and she's like... "Are you okay?" and I'm like "Just dandy!" I'm so glad to hear you're enjoying my story and you actually find my humor hilarious! It brings me to tears to actually know I am funny after all, hahaha :D.**

**To DarkKitteh: Ohhh, "Ms" clause, what a wonderful, brilliant, and sexy idea! Just in time for the holiday seasons! I'll see what I can do - if it fits into my story, I'll probably turn it into like a filler one shot or something, even though I think I might know where to incorporate your idea!**

**And finally To greywindfalcon - BONDAGE! BRILLIANT, DARING, SEXY, HOT! -Rambles- Oh geez, now I seriously have to do that for a chapter, and I know just what chapter I'm going to use it in a future chapter. Thank you for your idea!**

And of course, before you read there's always a warning...

**Warning: Crossdressing blonde, always foul language, a dirty math joke, some pervy thoughts from a lovely Uchiha actual SasuNaru (while in character and while not in character...), KisamexZetsu, ItaHidan, SasorixDeidara fluff - if you could call it that... haha...- it's to please the customers ;D ,and I break the fourth wall only two times - so feel free to skip over it if you like but that doesn't mean you shouldn't read it :D!**

Enjoy chapter four, I'll talk more at the bottom!**

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**Akatsuki Cosplay Café**

**First Day On the Job, Is it Too Early to Quit Yet?**

"What do you suppose the theme for this week should be?" Itachi rested his chin in his palms, scanning his group of workers who were all stuck in thought - asides from Deidara and Sasori who were doing God knows what underneath the table.

"We should do a School theme," Pein quietly answered, his hands occupied by playing with his bunny's ears. "The theme was always held off for a long time, since we didn't have the sufficient amount of people. So…"

Itachi smiled graciously at the orange haired man. Really, that was probably the most Pein ever spoke in a day. "Brilliant idea, Pein." said man smiled softly. "I'll start putting in orders right away after everything's taken care of. Now then," the older raven reclined in his leather chair, so tempted to spin around a couple of times before continuing. But that wasn't apart of his image, so he painfully decided against it. "Who is being paired with whom?"

"I call Sari, un!" Deidara exclaimed excitedly, latching himself around the red-head's arm.

"Is that okay with you, Sasori?" Not like Itachi needed an answer, the two were always paired together for whatever theme it was that week.

The red-head silently nodded, running his painted black finger nails through the blonde's luscious hair.

"I guess I'll be pairing with Zetsu," Kisame sipped his coffee, relishing the aftertaste of the beverage. "Just don't touch me with those thingies on either side of your head. I do not want to get surgically removed again like last time."

"Then don't try to be funny and throw paper balls into my accessory." Zetsu hissed, glaring at the fish man across from him. "My head garment is not a basketball hoop _or _a trashcan."

"Could have fooled me…" Kisame mumbled under his breath, taking another sip of his coffee.

Zetsu growled, but refused to let his anger get the better of him. There were always after hours to extract his revenge on the blue faced man.

"Alright…" Itachi scribbled their names down, staring at the only two people who were left unpaired. "Otouto, Naruto-kun, I'm presuming that you two will be paired together?" he raised an eyebrow.

"Ew, I don't want to be paired off with the teme! His emo vibes will rub off on me!"

Just like the saying goes, too much of a good thing is bad.

"And I wouldn't want to have your over-the-top, obnoxious, annoying personality to deal with, Dobe."

"Gah, Tachiiii~" Naruto whined, his bright blue eyes sparkling in hopes to gain sympathy, "Can't I be paired up with you?"

"No can do, Blondie." Hidan slyly smiled, twirling a piece of black hair in-between his index finger and his thumb. "Tachi's already been claimed."

"Then… I'll go with Pein!" Naruto nodded enthusiastically at his decision.

"Sorry, Naruto-kun, but Mr. Snuggles and I are always paired."

"Suck it up, Dobe. It was evident we were going to be paired up in the first place," he leaned forward, casually resting his chin in one of his palms, smirking at the distressed blonde. "If it makes things go a little smoother, just pretend we're a budding couple."

"TEME, that'll only happen when pigs fly!" he folded his arms across his chest and harrumphed, satisfied with his retort.

"Ohhh lookie here, un," Deidara scrolled down the news article on his iPod, a devilish smirk on his face that just sent shudders up and down Naruto's spine. "Rural farmer just discovered his pig trying to fly off his rooftop, only to fall to its untimely demise." he held out the iPod so everyone could see the article for themselves.

Naruto's face reddened, sputtering out incoherent babbles that only increased the raven's growing smirk.

"Well then, I'll guess we'll be pairing up, Honey." he let the word roll of his tongue, purring seductively and adding in a good wink for measure.

Seriously, the Uchiha could be such a pervert when he wanted to be.

"Someone kill me now!" Naruto screeched, throwing his hands into the air. It's not that he hated the Uchiha - even though sometimes he couldn't stand being in the same room as the raven - it was just that, he felt it was his job to blow things way out of proportion today. Along with that, the two were always together… with everything!

The blonde needed his space.

"Would you like to die by gunshot, knife stabbing, or hand to hand combat?" Sasori raised an eyebrow, not even blinking, cracking a smile, nothing to show he was joking.

That scared the living shit out of the blonde.

"Before things go way out of hand," Itachi stood up from the table, already dialing numbers into his cell phone to order the costumes he needed. "I'll start placing in orders for what is needed tomorrow. Hidan, I leave the situation of getting everyone's roles ready to you." without another glance towards the group, Itachi walked out of the room with his phone snuggled nicely between his shoulder and his ear.

"Utter Sweetness!" Hidan cheered the power of being able to decide which pair played what was coursing through him. An evil smirk appeared on his face, and his eyes twinkled with mischief as he scanned the room before him. "Deidara and Sasori!" he pointed straight towards the two, "You two will be the wimpy gym student and the burly gym teacher! Love blossoms everywhere!"

"Eh?" both Deidara and Sasori raised an eyebrow. They really didn't like where this was going…

"Kisame and Zetsu!" Hidan pointed towards the blue-faced man and the black and white man, breaking the two out of their routinely argument.

"What do you want?" Kisame growled.

"Your guys' role will be the librarian and the janitor! A zesty and steamy love story on how two unlikely people, with unlikely jobs, meets to have hot, sweaty, sex after hours!"

"Did you take your medication this morning?" Zetsu asked truly concerned.

"Pffft, I don't need such a thing." Hidan waved off the question. "Pein and Mr. Snuggles! You will be the teenage boy that has a fetish for cute things!"

Pein glanced down at Mr. Snuggles, fiddling with its ears. "Is that okay with you?" he stayed silent for a moment, waiting for those wise words to appear. "He said its okay."

"Really? I didn't hear a thing." Naruto muttered, throwing the pen in his hands upwards, and then skillfully catching it. But he didn't have enough balls to say it out loud. Who knows what sort of things Pein could do. Or worse… what could Mr. Snuggles do?

**The Wall Came Down Because of Humpty Dumpty.**

Fallen: Ahahahahah, beware Mr. Snuggles! He'll eat your babies! Ahahahaha!

Pein: …

Sasuke: Fallen, this is the time where you shut up so you _don't _get killed.

Fallen: What's the worst a tattered bunny can do? Love me? Give me hugs? Be my bedtime pillow! Look at it! It's so-

-Get's a rock thrown at her head-

Mr. Snuggles: -Evil smile-

Fallen: D-Did you guys see that! -No one pays attention- Guys! Mr. Snuggles is evil!

**And Then The Wall Came Back Up.**

"Don't think I've forgotten about you two lovely people back there." he grinned wickedly and the blonde and the raven who seemed to be having a glaring contest over who-knows-what. "Blondie, you'll be the inexperienced school girl that's oblivious to the world, clumsy, and a novice at love. Oh! You even get a nice rack too! Do 38C's work well for you?"

"Are you fucking serious? I'm not going to cross-dress just to fulfill your backwards fantasies!" Naruto threw the pen towards Hidan's exposed forehead, only to have it caught by his target.

"Naruuu-channn~!" Hidan sang his name, twirling the pen in his hand, "It's not for my backwards fantasies - it's for the hundreds of thousands of women that step in and out of this café's backward fantasies. Duh." he smirked for emphasis, "And before I forget, Lil' Raven you'll be the popular playboy that everyone just can't help but fall in love with. You've bedded a million and one people, and now you're on the hunt for new prey. That's where Blondie over there steps in."

Sasuke nodded, pleased with his role to an extent. Sure, the playboy thing was a little… out there - not matching his personality at all. Hell, nothing the silver-haired man said made any sense. But, it was all worth it to see Naruto in a girl's costume.

'I wonder how short the skirt will be…'

"Oh, Kit-chan! I can't wait to see what you look like as a Panty!" Deidara cooed.

Is it strange that everyone cracked up to that comment? Minus Naruto, of course, who was fuming with embarrassment and anger.

"Well what are you and Itachi role playing as?" Naruto asked a little too loudly.

"Isn't it obvious?" Itachi chose this moment as the perfect time to walk in, placing himself by the side of Hidan's chair and resting his elbow on the head of the seat. He leaned in close enough so it looked like he was about to nip at Hidan's ear. "I'll be playing the strict, yet somewhat perverted, math teacher that preys on his fellow students."

"And I'm one of the many students that have fallen head over heels for Tachi-sensei! We have mind-blowing sex and bask in the afterglow together." Hidan sighed dreamily, his thoughts churning on how he could get the mind-blowing sex and the beautiful afterglow to become reality.

"Do Itachi and Hidan have a… you know… thing?" Naruto leaned in casually towards the raven, whispering to him as his eyes darted back and forth between Sasuke and his brother. The atmosphere around them sent the vibes of: "Love Struck."

Sasuke, however, found the atmosphere to be more of a… sickening feeling then a lovie dovie feeling. In his opinion, love was a worthless thing that you live much better without.

Sasuke inadvertently took a whiff of the blonde's perfume. The smell sent signals to all the right places, biting his tongue in order to keep him from moaning. 'Jesus, he smells delicious,' just inhaling the scent of Naruto's intoxicatingly, delicious perfume was enough to send shivers down his spine and a little twitch to his groin.

"I wouldn't know," Sasuke merely shrugged. His eyes were starting to close as that delicious smell wafted through his nostrils.

"But I thought you and Itachi were close-ish…," Naruto kept on sparing glances towards the, now bickering, couple just a few seats away.

"Ish?" Sasuke raised an eyebrow. He gave the blonde an amused smirk, "Is that a new addition to the Uzumaki Dictionary?"

"Of course…, not!" Naruto grinned lazily, chuckling at the frown that found its way on Sasuke's face. "The word was always there; just not many people use it."

"Hn."

"It seems like I've kept you here long enough," Itachi finally broke off from his flirting with Hidan, turned his attention towards his co-workers. "Naruto-kun, Otouto, I expect that you two will be here around seven a.m. to make sure that everything is delivered safely to the café; everyone else - you know when to come in." He nodded to everyone a goodbye before turning on his heels and walking out the door, a puppy-like Hidan right behind him.

Everyone got up and stretched, unknotting all their tensions away while the invader-like sunrays crept through the window blinds and striking the faces of our lovely hosts.

"Gah!" Kisame screeched, throwing a pair of hands over his eyes. "The light: it burns!"

"You're a drama queen, Kisame. Or should I say… Kisa-chan," Zetsu smirked. He highly enjoyed seeing the noticeable vein pop on Kisame's face. Oh how he loved to get Kisame all riled up, it was the only time the man's regularly blue and pale face actually gained some color.

Red, flushed cheeks mixed together with blue skin equaled a purple blush!

"Hey, Zetsu, you know that pet fish you asked me to baby-sit for you? Yeah well, I ate it for dinner last night. Hope you don't mind!"

"KISAME, YOU BASTARD, THAT WAS MY FAVORITE ONE!" Zetsu screamed, along with a series of curse words that Naruto and Sasuke never knew even existed, as he chased after the laughing Kisame out the door and to the parking lot.

"Come on, Dobe. I'm leaving before traffic picks up." Sasuke glanced over at the blonde who seemed to be caught up in thoughts that were, more or less, thoughts of the rambling variety. He quirked an eyebrow when he saw the blonde cast occasional glances towards him. "Idiot, if you have something to say; tell me."

Naruto jumped at the sudden pair of onyx eyes on him. Holy fuck on a table could Sasuke's voice do strange things to Naruto that he didn't even understand. The way those eyes… just gazed at him waiting for an answer (in Naruto's mind it was more like undressing…). And the voice… has the seducing voice been mentioned yet?

"I-I'll tell you in the car, Teme!" Naruto rushed out the door before Sasuke could say anything else.

"After seventeen years… the dobe is still a mystery to me." Sasuke stuffed his hands in his pocket before starting his uber sexy walk out the door.

A walk he spent many hours in front of the mirror practicing before unveiling it to the world.

Sasori glanced by the door when the last person stepped out, enjoying the solidarity he finally had with his lovely Deidara. He turned his glance towards the said snickering blonde who seemed to be playing around with something on his iPod. 'I should have never given him that damn iPod for his birthday…'

"Ha… rabid Barbie dolls. Where do I come up with this hilarious shit, un?"

"… Deidara, what the fuck are you doing?" Ahh… wonderful sailor's mouth, what would we do without you?

Deidara snickered as he passed the cell phone sized music player over to Sasori. The red-head glared at the screen, scanning over the small printed words in the form of a news article. "Rabid Barbie dolls were recently spotted in the Kyoto area. All civilians should stay in doors, lock all windows, and hide all the sharp objects." he raised an eyebrow towards his blonde, who was know holding his sides in laughter, smirking a little to himself.

"There never was a news article about that suicidal pig…"

Deidara nodded wordlessly, still caught up in his bubbles of laughter.

Sasori just shook his head, pulling his blonde in closer so that his head rested casually on that soft mop of blonde hair. "You bring a new meaning to the word, 'insane'." he kissed the top of Deidara's head softly, "And that just turns me on…"

+Akatsuki Cosplay Café+

"Awe, Mr. Snuggles looks so cute with that bow in his hair!" a regular customer at the café, TenTen, squealed as she felt the fabric of the crisp, black bow that adorned it's , not torn off, ear.

"Mr. Snuggles thought that too," Pein nodded, smiling softly at his stuffed animal while TenTen continued squealing at the utter cuteness of it all.

_Moving forward…_

"Dee Dee, you really work those gym shorts well," a very perverted regular customer, Temari, purred as she took sneak peeks at the blonde's clad tush. She fanned herself to keep her blush from scaling to new heights on the color spectrum scale.

"Blech, Temari, you're pretty much hitting on family." Her brother gagged, rolling his eyes and folding his chest just to show how pissed off he was. Why oh why did his little sister had to drag him out on a Saturday morning (where he should have been watching Sonic X, Dragonball Z Kai and Yu-Gi-Oh on his couch where he wore nothing but the socks on his feet), just so she could come visit this damn café. _Just _to see her soon to be relative in tight gym shorts that left nothing to the imagination.

"Oh, Kankie, don't be jealous that I can work this shorts while you can not," Deidara shook his clad tush for emphasis. A move that, not only, gave Temari a nose bleed but got Sasori's little buddy up and ready for action!

"Deidara, I'm going to have to give you that physical soon." He played with the blonde's long and elegant blonde hair, loving the feel of the soft and silky tresses running past his fingers. "I'll make sure to give a _very _thorough checkup."

Oh, my, fluff!

_Moving onwards…._

"Tachi-sensei, how did that math problem go again?" Hidan leaned a little bit too close to Itachi. His breathe fell upon Itachi's exposed neck and his fingers were playing with the metal chain that held the older raven's reading glasses.

"Hm," he snorted and smirked, a dangerous – yet somewhat suggestive – gesture. "Just think of math as sex. You add the bed, then after that you subtract the clothes. With that completed, you divide the legs and just when you're about the finish the problem you pray to God that you don't multiply." He drew a simple sketch of the image on his notebook, tilting the collected sheets of paper in such a way that both Hidan and his customer for the day would see his perfectly detailed image.

"That makes much more sense now, Tachi-sensei!" Hidan pressed a quick and simple kiss on the raven's pale cheek. "Gracias, I can't wait to practice this one out!"

_Just keep moving… moving… moving…_

"You're always checking out books from the adult section, Su-chan." Kisame wrapped an arm loosely around the black and white painted man, trying his damndest to not get his arm lodged into that Venus death trap again. "A book can never really teach you anything hands on experience can," he purred, running his cold hand up and down Zetsu's arm.

"Interesting," Zetsu closed the book shut before pulling Kisame by the collar for a mock kiss. "Meet me behind the bookcase then," he licked his dry lips seductively, only causing the girls across from the table to keep their eyes glued to the act, praying to God that they get to see a kiss full of lots of tongue ensue any time now.

"I'll make sure to control myself tonight then, I wouldn't want to make your job any harder, Janitor-san."

Cue fake three second kiss, minus the tongue.

_And now you've hit the wall…_

"Sasu-chan, I made the chocolate cake today. What do you think of it?" Naruto blinked his bright blue eyes eagerly at the raven that was making googly eyes towards the two giggling girls – completely ignoring Naruto's question. 'I know he's just acting but… this is some what pissing me off.' Naruto bent back his plastic spork just a little too far back…

"So, Raven, how long have you been working here in a place like this?" Tayuya battered her, fake, eyelashes at the smirking raven. The minute she walked through those double doors of the café her eyes landed on the handsome and delicious looking raven, designating him almost immediately.

"For about… three weeks now," Sasuke replied calmly.

"How do you like it so far?" Kiki, a very preppy blonde, smiled brightly. A smile always drew people in, but her smile was more of a… full of braces and other abnormalities that almost brought Sasuke out of his act for a cringe.

"It keeps me entertained and the pay is good," Sasuke kept on peeking glances at the fidgeting blonde beside him. He had to admit… Naruto looked pretty good as a girl – scratch that, he looked down right _sexy _as a girl. The blonde was wearing a wig with two long, blonde ponytails. His makeup was a rich and bright foundation – pink eye shadow, black eyeliner, a light pink blush on his scarred cheeks and his lips… oh god those rosy, pink glossed lips were driving the raven insane.

Then he stopped his perverted thoughts when he realized he was just imagining his best friend _without _the short, skimpy, skirt on and the tight, revealing , white shirt that showed off those "38C's".

Naruto played around with his chocolate cake, stabbing the pastry from time to time, mentally snickering to him as he conquered each and every piece of the cake one by one. 'Ha! Take that you delicious morsel of cake! I dub thee Naruto Land!"

"Ru," Sasuke leaned forward, raising a curious eyebrow at the blonde's actions. "What are you doing?"

"Ahh!" the spork dropped from his hands, hitting the brightly decorated plate with a soft clatter. "Sorry… I was in my own little world, Sasu."

"Don't call me that, it's so… so childish." Sasuke scoffed, following his lines for his character perfectly. "Call me Raven, Ru." He purred into the blonde's ear, dragging his hand slowly up the blonde's exposed thigh. His acting couldn't hide how turned on he was getting though. Sure, the two would act like they were homosexual numerous times, only to laugh out loud at the funny reactions they'd get from people. But now they were acting that way because they were getting paid…

And this time Naruto couldn't break out of character because things were turning frisky…

'The things I could get away with…'

"But… I don't want to call you, Raven!" Naruto cried out, a wild blush on his face as he stared deep into the raven's eyes. "That's what everyone calls you! I'm calling you Sasu!"

"Why…?"

"Because… I'll be the only one who calls you that so… I'll feel special." Naruto replied innocently, using the whole 'Don't look the seme in the eye but play with the hem of your shirt' routine Hidan had drilled into his brain the night before.

'Too… cute…' Sasuke caught a glance at the two girls across the table. Kiki had pretty much fainted from the scene while Tayuya was eating the whole play up. 'Her eyes… are scaring me.'

"Sasu-?"

"-Dobe, if that's all it was… then fine; you can call me that ridiculous pet name." Naruto broke out in a smile that was supposed to show how cheerful he was, thus in turn, causing the raven to break out in a perverted smirk. "However… I get to have my way with you for the night."

"What do you mean by, 'Your way with me', Sasu?" Naruto cocked his head to the side, innocence gleaming in his eyes.

Sasuke just blinked… staring at the blank expression he was receiving from the blonde. Faking a sigh, he ran his hands through his hair, "Nothing… never mind. Forget I even mentioned anything."

+Akatsuki Cosplay Café+

**The Fourth Wall is Falling Down… Falling Down… Falling Down…**

Naruto: I hate skirts! They give you no freedom and you have to cross your legs while you wear them! I'm a man, men don't cross their legs! We widen them and flip people off because we don't give a fuck!

Sasuke: You're just angry because you work that skirt well.

Naruto: W-What?

Hidan: Ja, das ist muy caliente!

Fallen: You're all crazy…

Everyone: SAYS YOU!

Sasuke: Pot calling the kettle black…

**And Then The Wall Came Up…**

"FREEDOM AT LAST!" Naruto cheered, whooping and hollering as he ripped of his skirt and ran around the café in his underwear. It was his cloud set collection today, so Naruto's undies were a very nice shade of sky blue with white puffy clouds printed on them.

"Blondie, I don't know what they teach you at schools nowadays, but it's not very polite to strip your clothes off randomly and parade around like the world can't see you half naked." Hidan grabbed the blonde by the waist and pinned him too a table to keep him from running into anything fragile… and expensive.

"Have you been wearing a skirt since eight in the morning? Have you been dealing with the constant riding up of pink, frilly undies? Have you had to deal with an itchy wig? **Did you have to have a perverted Sasuke randomly grope your fake 38C boobs at random times of the fucking day?**"

"No but-."

"-**Did you have to suffer not eating a mouth-watering chocolate cake for the past twelve hours so you could maintain a conversation with horny women? NO! I DIDN'T THINK SO!**"

"Naruto, you're going to strain something if you keep yelling like that. So shut the fuck up," Sasuke growled, taking his time to get out of his costume while he tried to fix his hair.

"Just wait till you have to wear a damn miniskirt, Uchiha, then you'll see… you'll all see!" Naruto laughed maniacally before receiving a good smack on the head from Sasori.

"Thank you…" Itachi pulled out his cell phone, checking the time. It was currently five minutes to eight, the store was finally closed and all they had to do was clean up the remaining plates and cups. After a decent fifteen minutes of cleaning everyone said their goodbyes and went their separate ways home. However, Sasuke had to stay and wait for the blonde to wake up from his beating.

"Dobe," Sasuke shook the sleeping, and drooling, blonde with about as much grace as an ice skating pig. "I'm not staying here all night with you, wake up." He poked the blonde's cheek, laughing at how comically Naruto looked when he was knocked out.

With a final shake, more like a push off the table; Naruto was awaken and yelling every curse word under the rainbow and stars towards the less-than-interested raven.

"Just get your clothes on, Dobe; we're leaving in five minutes. If you're not ready by then be prepared to sleep here for the night." With that said, Sasuke walked off to the back room in search of his clothes.

"Tch, that bastard always has a fucking ten-foot pole up that gosh darn ass of his." Naruto mumbled as he began to search for his own clothes. In his search, he found an iPod lying carelessly on the table. Being the nosy blonde that he was, he picked up the device and turned it on. His curiosity enlarged when he started to read over the news article that was left on the screen.

"Rabid Barbie dolls… their war attacks are moving closer to Tokyo… hide all sharp objects?" Naruto gasped, dropping the music player on the table, and ran to the back for Sasuke. "Sasuke, I told you Barbies would attack us one day, I told you!" he screamed.

Just as Naruto was entering the back room, Deidara and a pissed off Sasori were entering the café.

"I know I left it here somewhere…" the blonde muttered to himself.

"Just find your damn iPod and let's leave."

"Ah, here it is, un!" Deidara cheered, plugging in his headphones to the device then blaring his music to all new levels.

"You're going to loose your hearing like that," Sasori deadpanned.

"EH?"

"Nothing… let's leave…"

* * *

I made Naruto's ranting bold because I thought it would add more effect to it all and all that jazz... and yeah o.e.

Also! Temari and Kankuro will appear again - so of course I must give you their ages.

Kankura - 19, Temari - 17.

Tayuya will probably never come again... same with TenTen and my OC Kiki, but if they ever do I'll make up some fake ages! (I say the ages because if I don't I'll probably mess myself up later... IDK, just happens XP. Me and my horrible sense of time... and ages... and seasons... and -rambles-.

HA! Naruto has 38C's! Mwahahahaha, I'm so evil (:. Have fun lugging those around! -gets hit with a book- DAMN YOU NARUTO, YOU'RE WORSE THAN MR. SNUGGLES AND THE RABID BARBIES!

Anywho...

I hope you all found this chapter as humorous as I did :D.

**Next Chapter: Who Said Men Can't Pull Of Frilly Dresses?**

**Summary: Gothic Lolita Day! Naruto is forced into a dress once again, and just when he thought no one he actually knew would see him in a dress... well... things just don't go the way he hoped, wished, dreamed and prayed they would.**

Reviews would be lovely, fuels the creativity and makes me all giddy inside (:, I hope you've all enjoyed chapter four! See you next time ;D

~_Peace and Love - Fallen.~_


	5. Who Said Men Can't Pull Off Dresses?

Alrighty, so I was bored, and I had this typed up... so I'm posting this :P B/C I can do that! OH. MY. FLIPPING. RAINBOW. FISHIES! 11 REVIEWS! EEPPPP! -faints from being happy- I kid... I didn't fate... but I am happy :D. We've passed the ten review mark... and that makes me as giddy as a butterfly ;D. Anywhoooo... Ik this is wayyy tooo early butttt... if anyone can draw a perfect straight line, and really good fan-art... do you mind drawing me some for this story please :). Not anything major major, just sometimes a few little pieces of fan-art that corresponds to the theme of the chapter.

If you wouldn't mind doing that for me, tell me in a PM or a review :D.

Thanks to people who have reviewed/ added this favorite stories & story alerts so far :D. I think I might make it a thing to reply to reviews on here... or PM from time to time. :D. So... Ima reply to them right now!

**To XMistressDevilx: I love how you share your favorite lines from the chapter with me, because then I go back and read it... and I laugh! If you don't mind I might use your nickname from Mr. Snuggles from time to time :D. Thank you for your idea! I'll be sure to use it, for Fallen has a plan... a very good evil plan... muahahaha (: (if this doesn't show it's an evil smiley :D)**

**To Boo I scare you: I made your day? Well my story anyway but... YAY! BANZAI! FELIZ NAVIDAD! I MADE YOUR DAY (:. I always strive to make at least one person happy everyday, and it makes me happy to know that your enjoying my story and the funny moments that randomly appear P:.**

**To Ciel-sama: New Reviewer! Fallen Likes :D. I'm glad your liking my comedy (it's a weird one i'll tell yah O.o) and that you like where this story is heading. I like it tooooo ;). Pein is very cute in this story, I will admit, he just looked like the type of person that should carry a stuffed bunny around... soooo... Mr. Snuggles was born (:.**

**To greywindfalcon: tears up- You like my fourth walls? Eeeeeppp I could smother you in a hug right now! Hahaha (:, maybe you should let your boyfriend read this too... just for the heck of it ;D. Naruto is my little play toy... that I must abuse at least once a chapter for ultimate usage :P.**

**To rokudaime09: I think I used your idea for gothic lolita, if I did YAY! I DID IT :D, if not then I'll definitely go into more detail with Naruto's cosplay outfit! I love Purvy Sasuke... it's like... "Just take me now you hunky blob of a man!"... or something like that xD.**

And now onto the warning... b/c you all love it very much :3

**Warning: I changed what "Jashin" religion actually means b/c really... what's comedic about killing ppl o.e. Unless like.. they die by teddy bear mauling... Crossdressing blondie... I kinda use the plot of Naruto in here... you'll see what I mean... but I don't necassarily bash it. I break the fourth wall maybe three times... ehh.. i lost track but I'm pretty sure it's three. There could be some grammar and spelling mistakes, Lord knows I try my hardest to avoid them... but their little boogers they are! And finally... you'll laugh so hard you'll pee your pants and roll on the floor (:.**

Read and Enjoy my lovelys! :D**

* * *

**

**Akatsuki Cosplay Café**

**Chapter Five: Who Said Men Can't Pull Of Frilly Dresses?**

**Yeahhh! Tearing Down the Fourth Wall and sticking it to the Man!**

Fallen: -Snickers as she types-. Ohhh this is going to be good, I can just feel it!

Naruto: -Peers over shoulder-, -Gasps and looks at you-. Why is it always me? You just hate me don't you!

Fallen: Of course not, Naru-chan, I put you in these situations because I love you, silly.

Naruto: You mix up love with hate. Why don't you do these things to Sasuke!

Sasuke and (Fallen): Because I'd (he) kill her (him). –Deadpans-.

Deidara: And because you're cute in just about anything you wear, Kit-chan! Are you sure, you're not actually a Panty?

Naruto: STFU! Gahhh, whatever, I'm out of here –walks away-. Enjoy chapter five, everyone! I surely won't. –Slams door dramatically-.

**The Man Grew Balls and Stuck it to Us, Hence, We Put Up the Wall.**

"No, I'm not going out there like this! You can't make me damn it!" Naruto screamed behind the self-made barricade he constructed using chairs, books, a shelf, a table, and an unlucky lamp that just happened to be thrown on top of the pile randomly.

"Dobe, you're making a fool out of yourself more than usual. Just get out of there so we can actually get to work." Sasuke wasn't too pleased with how Naruto was acting today. He honestly couldn't see why the blonde was making such a huge fuss over it. Naruto was getting paid, a huge sum of money, so he should just suck it up and bear with it for a few hours until closing.

"That's easy for you to say, Teme! You're not the one who has to wear this dress _all _day!" Naruto scratched at the itchy fabric created by his orange Lolita dress he was forced to put on today. The theme for the whole week was Gothic Lolita and Naruto was the priceless and fragile porcelain doll thrown between the likes of handsome men. His hand flew to his hair, where his long blonde wig was making his scalp even more irrated than normal. And don't even get the blonde started on that orange frilly headband he was forced to wear! "You'd be hiding and snarling behind this fortress, too, when you're forced into this ridiculous costume!"

"I think you look very becoming in that dress, Ru-chan." Itachi was scribbling some more "notes" down into his sketchpad. More or less he was probably deducting the amount of pay Naruto would loose if he kept on acting like this. 'Let's see… that chair was fifty dollars, and the table was around two-hundred… then add that to the minutes of work Naruto is missing times ten…'

"Dobe, don't make me go in there and drag you out." Sasuke threatened. He was getting sick and tired of Naruto's childish behavior. Grow up and wear the dress with pride! Not like anyone from school would ever see him like this…

"I'd like to see you try, you damn dirty ape!"

Oh… that last comment really struck a nerve. If you refer back to the mental image of Sasuke's bundle of nerves, that are all aligned like guitar strings, then just imagine that another four strings just snapped.

"No, no, no! Teme, you're grabbing awkward places! Nooo! You can't make me go out there; I'll kill myself I swear!"

Sasuke pushed the blonde out into the café area; Naruto only stumbled once due to his platform boots, smirking with an all-might attitude when the blonde turned around to face him with a blushing scowl.

"Something you'd like to share, Dobe? I don't think I'm receiving the message from that scowl of yours." Oh how that annoying (SEXY!) scowl increased with each second that passed.

Some wise-guy decided to walk up and squeeze Naruto's butt cheek before walking off to meet with a host nearby. Naruto squeaked, in a manly fashion of course, blushing even more than he was five seconds ago. "…I hate you, Uchiha." He spat. Stomping over to Hidan and Deidara who were currently arguing over what design, they should put on the store window.

"Dude, are you shitting me, did you seriously just suggest that?" Deidara threw his hands in the air, flailing them around as he spoke. Naruto vaguely remembered Itachi mentioning something about the taller blonde being part Italian, hence why he spoke with his hands from time to time. "No one wants to come into a store with a picture of that backwards god of yours plastered on our window with rhinestones and diamonds, un!"

"I don't make fun of your ridiculous idea art; don't make fun of my Jashin!" Hidan retorted, sticking his paintbrush into the air for emphasis. "Everyone loves Jashin! It's a crowd favorite!" some more shaking of the paintbrush and random blotches of black paint were flying everywhere.

"Yeah… if that crowd was full of mentally insane people, un!"

"You're just jealous!"

"Of what, un!"

"Of Jashin's wonderful promise to the world – that's what!"

"A promise where the world will one day split up into five nations that represent the five elements of nature. All being lead by a group of people called 'hokages'? Yeah, sure, of course that's going to happen, you psychopath, un!"

"Are you trying to say that Jashin is a liar?"

"Do Panties have boobs? Does a monkey hang from a tree? Are my eyes blue?"

"Well actually, in a certain light your eyes look sort of green…" Hidan pondered, rubbing his chin thoughtfully. The smartass remark just fueled the blonde-haired person's anger even more.

"That's besides the point here, Hidan! We're not decorating our store window with Jashin. We're going to decorate in honor of my wonderful muse!" Deidara folded his arms across his chest and stuck up his nose in the air. He was going to win this battle if it killed him, and or if he got to kill Hidan in the process.

"Ew, Deidara, no one wants to see a picture of Sasori naked!"

"I won't go into details this time, I promise, un!"

"What are you guys arguing about now?" Naruto could never fully raise one eyebrow, so when he asked the question both his eyebrows went up instead of a solitary brow.

"Blondie, you've came just in time!" Hidan cheered, hugging onto the little blonde before him. He was finally going to get the upper hand in this argument – Naruto looked like someone who could easily be swayed to the Jashin side!

"Oohh, Kit-chan, orange really is your color, un. You should wear dresses more often; they work really well on you." Deidara cooed, pinching the smaller blonde's cheek with such force that Naruto was whining and groaning from the small squeezing. "Ahh, you look just like a little doll! I just want to eat you up!"

"Please don't," Naruto whined. His face muscles being stretched to an unnatural length. Damn, Deidara had one hell of a grip.

"Deidara, buttering Blondie up won't get him on your side." Hidan placed his hands on his hips and glared at the taller blonde who was still holding a death grip on Naruto's whiskered-cheek.

"Oh, and you think a few hugs and a couple of smiles will get him on your side, un?" Deidara countered, placing his own hands on his hips and mirrored the same glare to Hidan.

"No, but with the power of Jashin on my side, I'll win Blondie over!"

'Honestly, I don't think I want to be a part of this…' Naruto's curiosity was getting the better of him. So, against his better judgment, he asked Hidan what he was blabbering about. "What's a Jashin?"

Hidan gasped, his eyes widening while tears were forming in his eyes. This poor little boy… he didn't know the wonders he was missing out not knowing about Jashin! "Blondie, I can't believe you've been living the in the dark for so long!" Hidan cried; Deidara shook his head in shame, deciding to sit this conversation out until he felt the need to incorporate himself later. "First off, Jashin is not a what; it is a person, a great being!"

"Oh… who's Jashin?" Naruto reworded his question. He still didn't understand what Hidan was getting so worked up about…

"Jashin is a god, the one who promises all his believers a new and prosperous life if we follow in his footsteps!" Hidan explained proudly. "Soon, the world will divide into five nations: earth, wind, lightning, fire, water, and these wonderful nations will all be guided by the five hokages that will once again rise up to take over this misguided world of ours!"

'I always knew Hidan was insane… but this is just ridiculous.' Naruto glanced over to Deidara, tuning out Hidan's rambles on how Jashin will go about created these five nations, who was currently sitting on a chair staring at his black-colored fingernails. Obviously he's heard this story way too many times; most likely each time was even more crazed than the next.

"Oi, shut up, can't you see you're scaring Kit-chan? Un," Deidara finally added in his own two cents.

"There's nothing scary about Jashin!"

And once again Deidara and Hidan were engaged in battle.

"And that's why, Otouto, if you really want to dominate someone in bed, you practice with a stuffed animal or pillow to perfect your skills." Itachi and Sasuke had finally walked out onto the café floor, somehow getting into a conversation about how it's best to practice your sex techniques before you actually perform the pleasurable act.

Maybe it happened that way since after a certain blonde left, Sasuke was having very detailed images of the blonde without the dress on…

"Are you trying to tell me that you've practiced on pillows and stuffed toys?" Sasuke raised an eyebrow at the suggestion. He could never picture his older brother doing something so… awkward (and utterly hilarious) as humping an inanimate object.

"Of course not, Otouto, practicing on objects are for the lower class. I, on the other hand, have practiced with the real thing."

"… You're a pimp…" Sasuke bluntly stated. What more could be said to that statement anyways?

"Pimp is such a dirty word that should never, ever, escape your lips. I'm just a man that believes it's okay to have casual sex, as long as no feelings are involved into the mix."

Sasuke just shook his head, his brother was a genius – test scores and the world's elite have told him so – but really; Itachi's logic was that of a crazed sex maniac that would say just about anything, twist any words you threw at him, just to hide who he really was.

A pervert.

"Then what about you and Hidan?" Sasuke raised an eyebrow again, questioning his brother. "He's more than just a casual fuck buddy, isn't he?"

"I never said he wasn't." Itachi countered, making his way to the bickering duo and a confused blonde.

"If you say one more foul and disrespectful thing about my Jashin-!"

"-Your Jashin is a load of horse bull! Your backwards religion was probably created by some lonely, middle-aged man that lived in his mother's basement and watched porn all day!" Deidara threatened to throw his paintbrush at that fool of a man who was being so stubbornly persistent.

"Hidan, what did I tell you about preaching concerning that backwards god of yours?" Itachi glared coldly at the man before him. Hidan instantly shut up when he felt those icy, black, empty eyes peer into the back of his neck. "I warned you, the next time you start to preach about Jashin I'm going to drag you to church again and teach you about our real God, understand me?"

Hidan understood very well. He nodded his head furiously and ran off to a corner of the café to start working on the pastries in the back. Itachi smirked to himself; he had gotten his message across very clear.

"Now please tell me what you and that buffoon were arguing about this time, Deidara." It wasn't a question; it was a clear and concise statement. Deidara and Hidan arguing was nothing new, just about everyone had a partner they bickered with constantly around here. Hidan would pick fights with just about anyone, only for the sole purpose that he was bored out of his damn mind.

"Oh, you know the usual." Deidara casually placed his arms behind the back of his head and looked upwards towards the ceiling. Geez… it was such a bright and obnoxious colored ceiling. A ceiling that Deidara just wished he could rig with a few explosives and, _boom, _down goes the wall!

"I see," Itachi sent a cold glare towards Hidan's back, smirking at the visible shudder that ran through the man's spine.

"Yup, but I totally won this time, un! Now I can draw my lovely muse on our store's window." Deidara smiled goofily. He was itching to start painting; it was something that took his mind off all the crappy things in the world.

"Deidara, for the last time: You are not allowed to draw Sasori butt-naked on our windows. How many times must I say this before it becomes fully registered in that thick skull of yours?"

"But, Itachi~" Deidara whined, he was already dipping the paintbrush into the red paint can!

"No 'buts', Deidara. If I see even one butt-cheek drawn anywhere on my walls, windows, ceiling, floor, _anywhere_, I will throw you out faster than you can say 'un'. Understood?" Itachi glowered slits at the taller blonde before him. Just one look into those dangerously scary eyes was enough to get Deidara to drop his paintbrush, and run off somewhere to find Sasori. Itachi smirked; a smug and arrogant aura quickly surrounded him. Man did he love being in charge.

"Have you gotten the hang of walking around in those boots yet, Naru?" Sasuke was actually concerned at one point. Those heels were way too high for any normal human being to walk in. He was worried that Naruto might actually trip and hurt himself during the day.

Now normally, Naruto would have probably said some rude remark that added with a 'teme' then stormed off somewhere again to sulk, but this time he actually felt genuine concern from the raven. So, against his bad judgment, he lowered his guard and actually answered Sasuke sensibly. "Not really, it's going to be such a bitch having to walk around like this all day." He lifted up his dress just a little bit, his face red with anger, "They even made me shave my legs, Sasuke! They're monsters; all of them!"

Cue evil eye glint…

"There, there, Dobe." Sasuke rubbed circles on Naruto's back. The blonde was weeping uncontrollably at his lost leg hair. Really, the Akatsuki pretty much wiped out Naruto's pride as a man.

"How can I go out in public with shaved legs?"

"You wear jeans most of the time. Not a big deal."

"But what if I forget and wear shorts? Then what will I do?"

"Say they blew up in a freak accident."

Are you serious...?

Naruto broke out into more tears, slumping onto the floor as a pool of water started to surround his shaking body. If Sasuke didn't know any better, he probably would have said that Naruto was drowning in his own tears.

Oh how the blonde wished it were true…

"Someone please pick up Naruto-kun off the floor before more people start to arrive. That dress is a one of a kind Cosplay costume; if there's one stain on it I won't give you your pay for the week, Naruto-kun." Itachi walked by the weeping blonde, stepping over his body as he went over to greet more people.

"Get up, Dobe… you're embarrassing yourself."

"Noooo, I don't wanna!" but of course, Sasuke had dragged Naruto in all his Lolita Cosplay goodness out into the central part of the café for the whole world to see…

**I Take a Sledgehammer and Break Down the Wall!**

Fallen: You made Naruto shave his legs…? Is that even… legal?

Itachi: I didn't _make _him, per say, I merely forced him into a chair while I got Hidan to shave his legs against Naruto's will.

Fallen: You're a monster…

Itachi: -Shrugs- It gets me business, so really, who am I to care?

Hidan: You know… your stand-off-ish attitude makes you kind of hot… -drools-.

Fallen: Okaaaaaayyyy….

**Gah, I Got Arrested for Breaking the Wall Again.**

+Akatsuki Cosplay Café+

"Are you sure you're not a girl? You look too cute in that dress!" Person Number One squealed. She was playing with the strings that hung off Naruto's headband, fascinated by its bright orange color. It took all of Naruto's will power to not smack away the annoying body part.

"When do you get off of work, baby?" Person Number Two winked, trying to get it on with the blonde for the fourth time today. It took all of Sasuke's willpower and common sense not to tackle and beat the living shit out of the fool.

"Can I get your number? Please? Can I have it? Can I have your number?"

"No, now fuck off!" Naruto screamed, effectively scaring away everyone around that was around him except Sasuke. He sighed when he finally felt inner peace swarming through his body – that is until… he got a wedgie.

"Naruto… what the fuck are you doing?" Sasuke watched the oddity before him. Naruto was doing his best not to reach up under his skirt to pick the wedgie – because that would just cause more attention on him than needed.

"I'm… picking… a… wedgie." Naruto said in-between lunges. Seriously… he looked so funny lunging and talking then trying to wriggle around so his wedgie would stop bothering him.

"Just pick the damn thing, Dobe, so we can get back to work."

"Gah, Sasuke pick it for me!" Naruto almost whined.

Whoa… pervy thoughts…

A few more hilarious banters later…

"I wanna go home!" Naruto whined for, what seemed like, the millionth time today. Over the course of his day, Naruto had been groped about fifty times, got kissed around thirty times, dry humped about seven times, pushed against the wall about three, asked out on a date around eight-nine times, and finally, the worst of it all, he'd been man-handled (in the front not back!) around… oh… twice… three times if he considered the freak accident…

**Minor Crack (No Worries).**

Naruto: Is this funny to you? Hm, is it Fallen, is it? Do you find it entertaining to dress me up in frilly skirts with long, blonde wigs for your sick entertainment?

Fallen: Well if you're putting it that way… then yes: I do, Naruto, very much.

Naruto: -Silence-.

Fallen: What? You asked…

**Remember… Crack Kills, So the Wall's Fixed.**

"There's only two more hours left, Naruto. I think you can handle wearing that dress till then." Sasuke adjusted his black tie so that it loosened around his neck. He wanted to go home too, all day the girls were stepping into his private box (he liked his box!) trying to "have their way" with him. Honestly, all women were annoying to him yet he was forced to act out these ridiculous role-playing games just to please the masses.

Sometimes life is just too cruel…

"That's two hours too long, Sasu! I wanna rip this dress into little tiny pieces than laugh insanely while I watch every, single, piece of this stupid dress burn in a make-shift fire that I create using sticks, newspaper, and one of Deidara's explosives."

Wow… the blonde took _a lot _of time planning this out…

"Naruto-kun, I'm going to be blunt with you: either suck it up and wear the dress, or get suspended and be benched for the week –receiving no pay- and having to listen to Hidan's speech on how you can become one with your inner Jashin." Itachi warned the whining blonde. He was sick and tired of hearing Naruto complain about how his wig was too itchy, or how his dress was too short, or how everyone in the damn café was a complete pervert.

Itachi couldn't really fathom Naruto's distress – cross-dressing wasn't _that _bad.

Naruto gulped, he really didn't want to see Itachi come through on that warning. So mustering up all the pride he had left, he latched himself onto Sasuke's arm and let the raven escort him out onto the floor where they would be meeting their last guest of the day.

'Please God; don't let these people be someone I know.' Naruto prayed silently as he slowly approached the table, slowly… slowly… even slower…

But, sometimes, God can have one awesome sense of humor.

"Welcome to Akatsuki Cosplay Café. I am your host for today, Raven, along with my little doll, Ru." Sasuke performed flawlessly, nodding slightly to the familiar pair before them.

"Sasuke-kun, you work here?" oh geez… Naruto could recognized that voice anywhere. He didn't dare to look up into those dark brown eyes of his father figure and teacher, because he knew that, when they made contact, Iruka would either:

Flip out.

Laugh his ass off.

Make fun of Naruto while laughing his ass off.

Or… All of the above.

"Ma… this place is really nice," the silver-haired man beside the brunette, Kakashi, complimented the interior décor of the café. It had a very nice, homey feel, to the place that made Kakashi want to just lounge around all day and read his Make Out Paradise novels. "Don't you think so too, Iruka?"

"Yes, I like it a lot. I knew we made the right choice in coming here to eat." Iruka nodded, taking in all of his surroundings.

'Wrong choice! Wrong bloody choice!' Naruto mentally screamed, biting onto his lower lip. His eyes didn't make contact with anything; they were always shifting around from a wall, to a table, to Sasuke, to the table again – but never to Iruka.

'So Iruka's here today, oh man is fate a kick in the ass.' Sasuke mentally smirked. Was it wrong that he was so happy on how things were turning out?

Everything seemed to be going smoothly afterwards. Naruto seldom talked, leaving the conversation up to Sasuke. Sasuke nodded at the appropriate times, added in his two cents, and even cracked a minor joke once or twice. Time went pretty quickly, and Naruto thought he was home free; Iruka still hadn't caught on, however Kakashi might have because he was just that much of a know-it-all to have noticed, and the blonde could leave the café with just enough dignity left to make it through the day at school tomorrow.

Of course… like stated early… life and fate is a bitch.

"Naruto-kun, before you leave today I need you and Otouto to wash up the plates and silverware." Itachi calmly stated as he walked passed the table. Somehow, Naruto could read from that smirk that Itachi knew _exactly _who the couple was – and how they directly related to Naruto.

Itachi really is the devil…

"Did he just say…?" Iruka raised an eyebrow, confusion in his eyes as he stared down the girl in the orange dress. "Naruto…?"

"Um… hi… Iruka, fancy seeing you here!" Naruto nervously laughed, still avoiding eye contact with his father figure. Oh geez… he was going to get his ear yelled off by the man for sure.

Kakashi eyed Naruto up and down; a happy and sick gleam is his uncovered eye. "Cute, Naruto, very cute."

* * *

Oh Kakashi... what in the name of all that is colorful are we going to do with you...

Iruka found out about Naruto's Cosplay Fetish! Oh No!

Naruto: It's not a damn fetish, Fallen! I'm forced into this shit!

Me: Riiightttt... I DON'T BELIVE YOU! (Ha... LK Yu-gi-Oh Abriged reference... FTW! :D)

Anywho, I hope you all found this as humourous as I did, and I apologize now if in the early chapters romance is lacking, but perviness is... well.. not lacking. It'll all come in due time, so stick with me please till then! :D.

Now for a little looookkkk intoooo the futureeee -weird music plays o.o- -stares into crystal ball.

**Next Chapter: It Runs in the Family**

**Summar: Naruto get's interrogated by Iruka, Kakashi enjoys being the good cop, Iruka LOVES being the bad cop, and Itachi usues Iruka and Kakashi for his own personal game - just like any normal Uchiha would.**

Until next time my lurvelysss :D.

_~Peace and Love and RAINBOWSSS! - Fallen.~_


	6. It Runs In the Family

I'm only posting this chapter now because I love you all... so... so much. So... VERRRY much. Feel my love? I'm feeling it (:.

To all of you that have reviewed, telling me to update faster, well here you are! I hope it's comedic enough for you, and have enough M-rated SasuNaru and or other Pairing shizz to make your day all warm and fuzzy and... yeah o.e If not... it'll come soon, I promise!D:.

I'm typing random stuff-fa-fa because I'm supposed to have gotten off... but the Mom's asleep so she'll never known -evil grin- SO I'M MAD TYPING FOR MY LIFE! Also, I would reply to your reviews but I'm kindaaa running out of time, very sorry, I'm rushing this A/N thingy o.e

**WARNING: Naru's still in the dress, I only break the wall once (maybe twice... IDK and IDR), Iruka's probably OOC but that's okay because he's my wittle Iruka. Hidan gets injured - comically - and Mr. Snuggles comes back! Oh oh, and Iruka sings a little dirty song (:**

Read and Enjoy my lovelies :D. I apologize now for any spelling/grammar mistakes that appear out of nowhere... I am my own beta for the moment (:.**

* * *

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**Akatsuki Cosplay Café**

**Chapter Six: It Runs in the Family**

"Hey, how long do you think those two have been in there?" Hidan whispered, his ear pressed against the oak-colored wall. Right above him was Deidara, his own pierced ear pressed against the door, and below him was Mr. Snuggles, informing Pein on anything Iruka was saying to Naruto.

"I don't know… it's been a while. Like, five to ten minutes, un." Deidara nodded to his own statement, pressing his ear harder into the door so he could make out the mumbles coming behind the entrance.

"You imbeciles, it's only been thirty seconds." Itachi leaned against the wall, notebook in head, sketching some more drawings into his notebook. Lord only knows what type of drawings the older raven could be outlining in that note pad.

"Thirty seconds too long, Weasel-san!" Hidan whined, standing up from his crouching position to get a better look at Itachi. "Normally, when it's past the thirty second mark, yelling breaks out like the plague! There should be yelling coming out from those doors! Curse words, dirty comebacks, and your mom insults – anything! But none of those has come out yet… Itachi… what's wrong with these people?"

"The only person who's having issues right now is you, Fucktard." Sasori deadpanned. The black string that was hanging from his turtleneck amused the living rainbow out of the redhead. So, of course, he just had to twirl the lifeless string in-between his index finger and thumb.

"Oh really, Sasori, really? Well, your mom's having serious issues… in bed… so you should help her out!" Hidan grinned triumphantly. Ha! Take that, Sasori. How's it feel to be outsmarted by a "your mom" comeback?

"My mom's dead, moron." Oh… and there goes the superiority complex and in comes the awkward silence.

"Sasori, don't worry, Deidara's here for you, un!" the tall blonde whined, anime tears falling down his face, as he hugged Sasori tightly around his waist. He buried his face into Sasori's chest, totally forgetting that the turtle neck was 100% cashmere and that Sasori would probably keep him up all night, doing all sorts of things, just to get revenge for damaging an expensive piece of clothing – not that he would mind anyways.

"Mr. Snuggles says to 'Shut the fuck up please, I can't hear what's going on'." Pein stated quietly, sitting cross-legged on the floor while he held Mr. Snuggles on his lap like a child.

Really… who were they to defy Mr. Snuggles wishes?

**Minor – I Lie – Huge Crack in Wall.**

Fallen: Ahahaha, Mr. Snuggie has you all whipped!

Naruto: I'm just surprised Mr. Snuggles said the f-word.

Sasuke: You act like you're a saint compared to him.

Naruto: Well, people expect me to drop the bomb continually throughout the story. Mr. Snuggles is the cute, OC, bunny rabbit that doesn't have a flaw in the whole damn world!

Fallen: Why do I feel like there was some sarcasm laced in those words…?

Naruto: I don't know, you're the one who typed out our lines. You should know, Fallen!

Fallen: Maybe I don't know…

Naruto: Maybe you're more stupid than I thought…

Fallen: Maybe you'd look cute as a bondage slave…

Naruto: Maybe you'd look cute tied to a Mac Truck!

Fallen: Smooth… real smooth…

**Because You All Don't Want to Read the Arguing… I Fixed The Wall.**

+Akatsuki Cosplay Café+

Naruto sat, ankles crossed, in a folding chair opposite from Iruka. The only source of light was from the small table lamp that was perched upon the table. It was like Naruto was sitting in one of those interrogation rooms where the bad cop, Iruka, would spew out a string of questions with only one right answer – if Naruto would answer wrong, then he'd be screwed for life. The good cop was Kakashi, obviously, but at this stage in the interrogation Naruto decided that the silver-haired man was enjoying this way too much to give any unbiased opinions.

The light bulb didn't shine on anything else but Iruka's fiddling thumbs, so he couldn't see anything on his father figure's face. Hence, the anxiety of not knowing whether or not he was going to get an earful out of the dolphin (Iruka could give one hell of a lecture when he wanted to. Maybe that's why he decided to take on teaching as a profession), or, if Iruka was just playing a façade, waiting to see Naruto snap from the pressure and come clean, only to laugh in his face and give him a pat on the back for being a good kid and telling the truth.

Naruto wasn't going to go with the latter…

"Naruto Uzumaki," oh fuck on a table, he used Naruto's full name! The blonde was going to get it now. Iruka leaned over casually, resting his chin on his clasped hands, glaring holes into Naruto's skull – he could swear he felt the skin burning from the intense glare! "I-,"

"-I'M SORRY IRUKA, I DIDN'T MEAN TO GO BEHIND YOUR BACK AND CROSS-DRESS TO PLEASE THE MASSES OF HORNY WOMEN! I WAS FORCED I TELL YOU AND IF I DIDN'T FOLLOW THEIR DEMANDS I WAS GOING TO BE THROWN IN THE RIVER AND DROWNED SO I COULD SWIM WITH ALL THE FISHES – even though that would be pretty cool, swimming with fishes and what not -. I WAS GOING TO TELL YOU SOONER BUT THE THOUGHT FLEW OUT OF MY MIND AND OUT THE WINDOW AND I WAS GOING TO JUMP OUT THE WINDOW TO GET IT BUT THEN I BECAME LAZY AND-!"(Just pretend all of that was typed together like Naruto was really saying that all in one sentence.) Naruto took a huge breath of air. That really took a lot of lung power to say all that. "I'm sorry!"

Kakashi smiled behind his blue mask, body shaking with silent laughter as tears ran down his uncovered eye. There was something about seeing Naruto crack, without even one single threat, prodding, or poking, from poor little Dolphin-chan that made Kakashi want to laugh. Iruka barely had to say a word and Naruto could break just like that.

Oh… what an advantage.

Iruka sighed, fiddling with a straggling piece of hair. He had know idea where that confession had come from, he was just going to ask if Naruto was having a good day, and if his newly acquired gender confusion was something he had to sit down and have a talk with him later. He didn't expect Naruto to crack under "the pressure" – whatever pressure was being implied upon him anyway – it made it seem like Naruto really _was _having a problem.

Then again, Iruka was amazed by the huge amount of power he had over the blonde, dress-wearing boy. Just the mere thought of how easy it was to get Naruto to spill out his guts brought a small smirk on his face.

Power really did turn people psycho.

"Wellll…," Iruka leaned back in his chair, drawling out the word. He felt like egging this whole thing on a little further… but really, that would be the wrong, uncharacteristic, way to handle things. Yet, Iruka couldn't stop his evil side from coming out just a little bit. "It's really none of my business on what you do after hours, Naruto. If you feel the need to cross-dress, as in means to express yourself, who am I to stop you? But really… couldn't you have told me, Naruto? I'm your guardian and yet it feels like you have no trust in me… that hurts." He added another long, dreadful sigh for effect. Oh man, he just dropped the guilt bomb all over the place!

Kakashi stood there, beside his faithful lover, a Cheshire grin on his face. He was getting too much sickly pleasure from this but really – Iruka was so sexy when he played the little devil.

Is it weird that the whole time, the masked man was getting turned on by Iruka's act?

"It's not like that, Iruka! I promise you, I don't cross-dress at all; I was actually forced into wearing this thing! I like pants, Iruka, pants! Ones that hug close to my manhood and allow me the privilege to spread my legs as wide as I want to!" Naruto tried his best to defend himself, but Iruka just couldn't take the blonde seriously when he looked so damn cute in that orange, gothic Lolita outfit with long, flowing blonde wig that was adorned with a orange and black frilly headband, clasped together in a skull and crossbones skull-clip.

Honestly, it was taking all of Iruka's will power not to fall off his chair laughing. But oh nooo, he was the serious character in the group, the one who yells at everybody when the need arises, and is bashful to all things that pertain any sexual affection.

But not in this story… Iruka's a full, grown, NEW, man!

"Naruto, you honestly can't expect me to believe that you're willing to wear a dress just because you're getting paid." Now, some of you may be saying (if you're male) 'Hell yeah, I'd wear a dress if I'm getting paid!' but remember, this is Naruto… so he's a little different from the rest.

Must be from some… traumatizing childhood? Hm… back story perhaps…? Eh…

"Ruka, you've got to believe me!" Oh… pet names… things are getting serious. "You know I'd never wear a dress like this unless I was bound and gagged and forced into one, with the threat of being deprived of ramen for a week if I take it off!" Naruto was almost whining now, on the floor, grabbing onto Iruka's ankle's for dear life.

Itachi was going to kill him when he saw those dark brown stains on the bright orange dress.

"Wow… a whole week?" Iruka feigned concern, like the issue of Naruto not getting his weekly supply of ramen was a bad thing. "That long?"

"Uh huh!"

"Without ramen?"

"Yeah!" Naruto whined he was hoping Iruka was finally seeing it his way.

"Eh," Iruka shrugged his shoulders, relaxing into the back of his chair, "I've seen you gone off ramen longer than a week."

"Iruuuuka," Naruto was clinging desperately to his guardian's ankles once again, holding onto his little speck of manhood that he left. "You know for a fact that was because my virginity was on the line!"

"What's the difference between losing you virginity to a guy, and wearing a dress? Either way you're stripped of your pride as a man." Iruka casually played with Kakashi's fingers, humming a little tune to himself that went a little like this:

_This little finger played with my balls._

_And this little finger was shoved up my ass._

_While this little finger went to town with my dick._

_And, oh my, we can't forget the thumb that sent me climaxing all the way home!_

Pervy, eh?

That's Iruka in a nutshell really…

"There's a huge difference! You lose your virginity forever, you can't just go up to the person and be like 'Hey, can you hand my back my v-card? I need it for tonight', it doesn't work out like that! But when I wear a dress people see things… things that I don't want people to see…"

"Naruto, I'm pretty sure everyone's seen their fair share of leg hair before." Iruka really was good at playing the dumb card…

"I'm not talking about that, because if I haven't told you already: The bastards shaved off my leg hair!"

"What?" this time Iruka seriously was curious and lifted Naruto's leg up to eye level. Just like the blonde had declared, there wasn't a single hair in sight. "Whoa…," he ran a hand over the naked leg, "it's so… smooth."

"That's just great!" Kakashi keeled over in laughter, not only had they forced Naruto into a dressed, they stripped him away of all his leg hair! He seriously had to meet up with these geniuses!

"Kakashi, it's not… it's not that funny…" but Iruka was laughing himself, laughing so hard that his sides were about to burst.

"It's not funny, dammit! My leg hair, my beautiful leg hair that I've taken pride in growing since the fifth grade is now gone! Gone! Like it was never there to begin with," Naruto whined, why did Iruka have to choose now of all times to present his sadistic side?

"You're right, Naruto, this is nowhere near funny… it's hilarious." And once again the two men roared with laughter. Seriously, Naruto was just about to pout, turn on his heel, and sashay out of the room if they were going to make his situation seem so… laughable.

Which, in reality, it was _really, really, _laughable.

"Alright, Iruka, I think we've tormented poor little Naruto enough." Kakashi sat at the edge of the desk, beside Iruka, playing with the brunette's hair. He was so tempted to just release the brunette's hair from that annoying pink hair tie Iruka always worse. Really, he looked so much better when his hair was sprawled out… and he was panting… while Kakashi rammed into his tiny body over and over again…

Oops sorry, got off track.

"You're right," Iruka's last few giggles died down, and he was finally going to be serious with his pouting, flushed, 'son'. "Look, whatever your reasons are for working here are your own, as long as you're safe that's all I really care about. But you could have told me, Naruto. All this time Kakashi thought you were coming home late because…"

…Becauseee?

"Actually, Iruka thought you were coming home late because…" the two shared an eye to eyes conversation, one challenging the other in a silent debate that, till this day, Naruto will never know.

"Because, _we_," the stressed the word 'we' together in unison, "thought you were having sex with Uchiha." They deadpanned, saying the whole sentence in unison.

Naruto's chin literally dropped to the floor, "What in the name of all that is ramen makes you think I'm having sex with Sasuke?"

"Ahahahah, did you hear that Lil' Raven? Blondie's parents thought you guys were getting it on after school!" Hidan and Deidara fell over with laughter, their sides ready to explode at any moment. Pein was chuckling softly to himself as he played with Mr. Snuggle's ears.

Itachi stood in the back with his brother, a proud smirk spread happily across his face. So he wasn't the only one who thought his litter brother and the blonde where having… sexual relations. Or, from the wise words of Hidan: "Getting crunk after school!"

"Otouto-,"

"-Don't. Say. A. Fucking. Word." The smaller raven bit out, stomping over towards the door that was separating him from the three in the back, and his highly predictable rage.

"Oh, Lil' Raven, are you going back there to declare your undying love and elope with Blondie?" Hidan laughed out loud, he was really pushing it… the smaller Uchiha's nerve strings were only so thin.

One evil death glare, along with a direct kick to the crotch, and Hidan was down on the floor, cupping his abused manhood while he rolled on the floor in pain. Sasuke stuffed his hands in his pockets, a satisfied grin plastered on his face as he went to open the door.

"In America, they would call that a 'GOOOALLL!'" Deidara cheered as he ran around the café with a wild grin on his face, who could have blamed him? Hidan's face was just so funny; you couldn't keep a straight face longer than five seconds if you looked at it.

"That fucking little – WEASEL-SAN, KISS MY ACHING MANHOOD AND MAKE IT BETTER!" Hidan whined as he looked up pitifully towards the, slightly pouting, raven.

'Stupid, Otouto, I wanted to have sex with Hidan later… guess this ruins my plans.' He ran a soft hand through his hair before giving Hidan a cold stare, "Sorry but I don't eat bruised bananas," and walked off to the back where his little brother and resident blondie would be.

"WEASEL-SAN, YOU MONSTER!"

Itachi closed the door shut. Truthfully, he didn't want to hear any of Hidan's complaints; they would just give him a wicked headache later on. He turned his attention to the four that were just standing in the middle of the room… glaring. Naruto and Sasuke on one side of the table, Iruka and Kakashi on the other – even though Kakashi wasn't really glaring more like… he was smiling? Yeah… Itachi didn't get it either.

Now, if the older raven were any one else, he'd probably scream some randomly, inappropriate word like 'PENIS!', but Itachi was way too mature and sophisticated for such childish things… (SCOFF!), so he just chose to make his presence known by clearing his throat.

Good call, Itachi.

"Ah, Itachi, long time no see." Kakashi nodded towards the older raven, signaling to the other two that Itachi really was there, standing by the door, and that the throat clearing didn't just randomly appear out of nowhere!

"Same to you," Itachi nodded, glancing over to the three who were still holding on to their glaring contest. "I'm guessing my Otouto's plans of eloping with Naruto-kun have been rejected."

"We're not eloping!" Sasuke was about to rip someone's head off their body if this continued. Jeez, did everyone think him and the blonde were getting it on after school?

Apparently so…

"Yeah, men can't get pregnant, you dumbasses!" Awww… Naruto had a case of the sailor's mouth too. It's spreading like the plague!

"Actually dear Naruto-kun, men can get impregnated; all you have to do is go through the surgery. If you would like, the café can sponsor your surgery… at a cost." Itachi grinned from ear to ear, probably his first smile in years, as he readied his almighty pen and holy paper; prepared to write down the desired amount of money and other silly requests Naruto and Sasuke would need to fulfill if they were going to seriously ask him for help. "You won't regret this, Naruto-kun." Ahh… Itachi really did have a sexy smile…

"What the fuck, why am I the one that has to go through the damn operation? I like my male parts you know; I like 'em a lot!" Naruto folded his arms across his chest and pouted while glaring at his so called "friends and family". The glare kind of lost its effect because he was still wearing the gothic Lolita dress… and the blonde wig with the pretty, frilly headband. The pout though, the pout was still mega-cute on his face.

"Because you're on bottom," everyone in the room, minus the cute pouting blonde, deadpanned.

"There's no way I'd let you top me if we were actually having sex, Dobe. You'd probably insert it in wrong and get us all fucked up." Sasuke smirked at the growing pout on the blonde's face. He really did enjoy making the blonde angry. In his mind, Naruto looked his cutest when he was flaming red with anger.

"That is complete and utter-,"

"-bullshit, absolute bullshit I tell yah!" Hidan screamed, tears forming at the sides of his eyes as he glared down towards his still throbbing manhood.

"What's the matter now?" Pein raised an eyebrow, stroking the top of Mr. Snuggles head lovingly. Mr. Snuggles liked to be stroked; a lot, so don't hesitated to pet him!

"My dick, it's limp, I can't get it up no matter how intently I watch Deidara and Sasori have sex!" Hidan whined, yelling at his dick to stand up! He wanted sex later, sex with his Weasel-san, and that wasn't going to happen if his weapon wasn't properly cocked and ready for action!

"Mr. Snuggles says that maybe you should watch Sasori and Deidara have sex in a different position."

"… Brilliant idea, Mr. Snuggles! If I wasn't so afraid of you – or Pein –," he added in softly, "I'd glomp you!" Now why would Hidan be afraid of Mr. Snuggles hm…? "Sasori, Deidara, change from position missionary to position doggy style!"

Itachi glanced towards the door that separated him and his imbeciles he called workers and sometimes… friends. Even though the entrance to the backroom was closed, he could still hear Hidan whining and complaining about how he probably wouldn't be able to fuck, or even jack off, for a day or two.

He moved his eyes back to the four, who were still arguing about getting Naruto's imaginary operation done; they were already picking out names for their little bundle of imaginary joy.

"I think we should name the baby Emi if it's a girl," Kakashi added into the heated discussion, apparently Naruto was turning down any name his guardians would bring up, while Sasuke decided to be an emotionless child and brood. He's definitely the guy would want with you at parties.

"Oh, or even better, if it's a boy we should name it Haru!" Iruka was getting just a little too much into this whole baby situation…

"No, the name for our baby will be decided between me and Sasu got it!" Oh wow, Naruto finally came to terms with having the operation after all… not. The blonde was just too caught up in the moment to even consider the fact that Itachi was analyzing the conversation inside and out, looking for ways to turn the blonde's own words against him.

"So you're going to get the operation done then, Naruto-kun?" Itachi smirked and Sasuke glared at his brother. Seriously, he was enjoying this way too much for his own good!

"Hell no, what the fuck would make you think that?"

"Because you just clearly stated that your baby's name will be decided by you and Otouto. Hence, you've fully considered the option of removing your male parts for female parts." Itachi replied bluntly, scribbling God knows what onto his notebook.

Naruto looked over to Sasuke helplessly, hoping that the raven would get off his lazy ass and actually save him from the situation he had just dug himself into. But of course, the raven merely smirked and stuffed his hands in his pockets. What could he really have said anyways? Anything he said would and could have been turned against him by his devil of a brother, so he chose to sit this argument out.

"Teme… I hate you," Naruto snarled.

"Love you too, Wifey."

"Gah!" Naruto looked over towards his bickering guardians who were deciding on the name for baby. "Irukaaaa, why don't you put a stop to this bullshit? You should be on my side, against, this whole thing!"

"What can I say, Naruto, I've always wanted grandchildren and now I have the opportunity to be a grandfather when I'm older." Iruka beamed proudly towards his glaring son, he couldn't wait to bring out that old rocking chair he kept hidden in his attic – the man came prepared.

**Minor Crackage.**

Fallen: Naru-chan, can I be the aunt! Please, please, pretty pleaseeee?

Naruto: I'm not having a baby, dammit! Can't you people get that through your fucking thick heads?

Sasuke: Aw, Wifey, you're hurting my feelings. You know how long I've wanted a child, are you really going to deny me that?

Naruto: Sasuke… we're not even dating…

Sasuke: -scoffs- Says you.

Naruto: Teme… you're delusional…

Sasuke: Dobe, just because you don't want to admit to the viewers that you love me and want to see me shirtless-

Naruto: - Because I don't want to see you shirtless!

Fallen: But you love Sasuke, right? You didn't deny to that.

Naruto: I don't love love, the teme; I just love him… like a brother. You understand?

Fallen and Sasuke: Understood.

Hidan: He totally wants in your pants, Lil' Raven.

Naruto: Gahhhh!

**Sorry… Wasn't Very Minor; Fixed the Crack Though.**

"I hope you all burn in Switzerland." Naruto stuck out his tongue childishly as he opened the door and attempted to stomp out of the room.

"Dobe, you can't burn in Switzerland, it's mostly snow over there. And you're wondering why you're failing Geography."

"You're failing Geography?" Iruka raised an eyebrow, glaring slits at the back of Naruto's head. Oops, someone let the cat out the bag. Nice one Uchiha, bonus points for that.

"What, I'm failing? Since when…?" Naruto laughed nervously trying to open up the door before Iruka could pounce on him, demanding to know why he wasn't informed about this earlier. 'Open, open, open, open, OPEN GOSH DARN IT!'

"Naruto-," but Iruka couldn't get out his threat because just then Hidan burst through the door, causing Naruto to fall on the ground only to be caught by Sasuke before any minor damage was done, sporting an insane grin on his face.

"Weasel-san, it's up, my dick is up! Look, look!" he pointed to the humongous tent that was pitched in his pants. Whatever Sasori and Deidara did to make it go up must have worked like a charm because Hidan was ready and raring for action!

"Oh… that's nice… that's real nice," Kakashi gazed down at the mountain in Hidan's pants before snickering – this place was becoming weirder and weirder by the second.

"I'm so happy for you Hidan!" Naruto feigned excitement as he eased to the door slowly, "Well I'm just going to go back and change from this ridiculous outfit. Teme, I'll be in your car, kay? Bye!" the blonde added in quickly, running at the door at top speed before Iruka could do, or say, anything to stop him.

"NARUTO UZUMAKI, STOP RUNNING IN THOSE BOOTS AND COME BACK HERE, MISTER!" Iruka screamed, running after his son at top speed. Guess speed ran in the family eh?

"Ma… they never change." Kakashi stuffed his hands in his pockets, searching for his keys absentmindedly. 'He's says their nothing alike but I swear Naruto got his loud side from Iruka. That and his feminine looks…,' he pulled out what he was looking for and gave a slight head nod towards Itachi and Sasuke.

"I'm hoping you will be back?" Itachi raised an eyebrow, ready to write down their names on the notepad – one of the first actually writing that has ever graced the sheets of paper.

Kakashi just grinned underneath his mask as he walked out into the main room of the café, straight passed Sasori and Deidara who were still on the table doing… well… the act, and Pein who was dressing Mr. Snuggles up in a cute, black, gothic Lolita dress. When he reached the glass door, he could just make out Iruka's and Naruto's running forms as the brunette chased the blonde around the parking lot.

"Eh… we'll see," and walked out of the café.

So technically… it was a yes.

* * *

Did you like Iruka's song? IK I DID :D.

Sorry if the last part seemed a little rush, my time limit on the computer was coming to an end (it's coming to an END now in like... three more minutes). I'll reply to your reviews next chapter if you'd like!

Also... I was going to have Iruka and Kakashi help out in the cafe (Because Itachi just couldn't let these two go without using them a little...), Iruka dressing up and what not being all cute in his wittle outfit (hence where the title - It runs in the family comes from) but I was hitting my limit... writing wise and time wise so I'm holding that off till later.

**Next Chapter: Emo Neko Boys, Every Girls Dream.**

**Summary: Well... basically the title sums it all up, so... whatever goes;goes! **

Short summary, Ik, but you'll hopefully love the next chapter anyways :D. Till Next time!

_~Peace and Love and RAINBOWS with Panda Plushes - Fallen.~_


	7. Emo Neko Day

I love you all... so much... so VERY much, so I'm posting this for you guys while I should be technically off the computer... Ha, mom still thinks she has power over me... hahaha.. :D.

ANYWHO! Somethings I'd like to adress

1. I never intended this to be a Mpreg story, hell, the thought never even crossed my mind. Last chapter, the whole mention of Naruto's surgery was just my random sense of humor kicking in. So, I'm sorry to all of you that were expecting little Naruto and Sasuke babies running around like mad... even though I did plan on them... never mind, what happens happens, eh? :D

and 2. This story is actually going to be a little bit longer than I expected, instead of 47 chapters, proabaly around 50 or more... who knows :D.

Now then, time to reply to reviews.

**To chynna18rawr: No, there is no Mpreg in this fanfic (like I stated earlier) but I hope that doesn't convince you to delete this story off your alerts list D:. That would be very sad... T^T, but I understand if you do decide to remove it, thank you though for taking your time to review my story - I appreicate it!**

**To MikaUchiha: NEW REIVEWER! Yes, Mr. Snuggles is very fluffy, evil, but fluffy nontheless. Here's my update, hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it P:.**

**To rokudaime09: Perverted songs are the way of the future! :D I legit made that song up on the spot, I guess I was just having one of those... perverted moments, you know? Anywhoooo I'm glad you found the interrogation scene funny (It seemed like a lot of people did - SCORE!).**

**To XMistressDevilx: DUDE, YOU WERE (ARE) SICK? NO, FEEL BETTER RIGHT NOW, THAT'S AN ORDER O.O. Anywho, hahahaha, thank you Devil for replying to my reivew since Mistress is... MIA O_o. Who knew Naruto sucked at Geography? I surely didn't... ANYWAYYY, enjoy this next chapter and I hope it makes you laugh (:.**

**To Boo I scare you: Dude, late night updates are the shizz fer sure! Hahaha, I love lying in my bed, reading fanfiction on my iPod b/c I always find reading a good bedtime story helps me get to sleep faster haha, :D. I'm glad my last chapter made your day - I hope you enjoy this one too!**

And lastly our ever-popular warning:

**WARNING, STOP IN THE NAME OF LOVE!: Some SasuNaru/NaruSasu (the only NaruSasu you will ever read in this fic hopefully! That was only because of the roles they play). New characters, deliciousness everywhere, and I break the fourth wall two times.**

_'blah blah blah' _Naruto/ Sasuke's Chibi conscience talking.

'blahhh blahhhh blahh' them responding.

With that said, Read and Enjoy :D.**

* * *

**

Akatsuki Cosplay Café

**Chapter Seven: Emo Neko Boy Day, Every Girl's Dream**

**To the Window, To the Wall – HA! There Is No Wall Sillies…**

Deidara: You know what's the best movie of like… all time?

Hidan: The Hangover!

Naruto: Rush Hour 1, 2, and 3!

Sasuke: Inception, hands down.

Pein: Toy Story 1, 2, and 3. –Fixes Mr. Snuggles suit-.

Itachi: Most definitely Marley & Me.

Fallen: -Looks at Itachi funny- Are you serious?

Itachi: I'll have you know that Marley & Me is a classic that will be handed down through generation to generation till the end of time. That… and it has a dog.

Fallen: Riigghttt… -turns to Deidara-. So, what's the best movie of all time?

Deidara: … The Lion King, that's a really good movie…

**Now You Can Go To the Wall…**

"Sasu, do you know how long it's been since I haven't worn a bra!" Naruto exclaimed loudly, jumping on Sasuke's back as he brimmed with overflowing happiness. Finally, the Cosplay for the week didn't involve him having to wear a dress, or stuff a bra, or even wear high heels.

Naruto had finally died and gone to heaven.

"Naru, get off my back you're messing up my tail. It took me forever to insert it in right," Sasuke, less-than-gently, pushed the annoyingly whiny blonde off his back. Adjusting his ears and tail, he brushed off whatever imaginary dirt that was foolish enough to still cling to his shirt. Lint was an Uchiha's worst nightmare, that and losing money… they really had a fetish for their money.

"Teme, you could have dropped me off more gently! I probably sprained a butt cheek," the blonde rubbed his abused tush, mumbling curse words under his breath towards the stoic raven. Why must he always be so… so grumpy? No, why did Sasuke always have a ten foot pole up his butt?

… Because he likes it!

Anyway…moving on.

"Dobe, it's not like you're using it for anything anyways," Sasuke smirked, walking over casually to the blonde who was still pouting and mumbling small curses on the floor. He stooped down so that he and Naruto were at eye level, giving him time to glance over his friend's neko outfit.

Naruto's highlights were bright orange, contrasting really well against those pointy (and very sharp… power of the hair gel) blonde spikes. Somehow, Itachi had magically gotten Naruto an actual bang that covered a very good portion of his left eye. Kind of like Deidara's but this bang was more… defined, and somewhat sexier than Deidara's bang – sorry about that, Deidara… Naruto just owns epically. His outfit had a lot of orange too – black and orange striped long sleeve t-shirt with a black vest that had its own orange buttons, his gloves was black as well. The vest was practically the only thing that _didn't _have any orange splashed, added, sewn, engraved anywhere on it.

But wait, Naruto's outfit gets even better!

His shorts that showed off his baby bottom smooth legs were black and held up with a black… and yes, orange studded belt. And finally, his shoes were checkered black and orange… Naruto's color spectrum is very wide if you haven't noticed that already.

Oh, and we can never forget about the accessories! It wouldn't be Emo Neko Day without the almighty accessories.

His hair was transformed in such a way that, when Naruto turned his face at a 90 degree angle facing towards the sun, yes… they even practiced this…, you could see a very nice black stud pierced onto Naruto's left ear – oh my that was one hell of an experience getting the blonde to pierce his ear; sorry no flashback though. And finally, without any cat accessories the theme for today would probably just be Emo Day… and that would just be too bloody boring. Naruto's black chocker held a very nice, golden bell at the edge that, if you were tempted enough to touch it, sang a very pretty little chime. Of course, Naruto's head was adorned with black and orange cat ears, the color orange will never escape you… sorry about that, and an orange and black tail.

Let's just say that, if you were to sum up Naruto in using one word and one word only, you'd probably say: "I WANT THAT KID IN MY PANTS, PRONTO!" but you'd most likely say all of that really fast so it "counted" as one word.

Sasuke, on the other hand, kept his thoughts simple and concise: 'He looks yummy…'

**Craccckerrrrrr….**

Naruto: Don't you _dare _get any ideas in that mental institution you call a head, Uchiha!

Sasuke: Oops… too late… -licks lips.-

Fallen: GUYS, save the smut for later. Geez, you're going to cause all these fan girls to die from blood lose… HA! Oh my rainbow… can't you see it now? On like the news, you'll see it flashing on the screen: "**BREAKING NEWS – Boys and girls around the world, raging from the early ages of adolescence to adulthood have unexpectedly died from lack of blood resulting from too much exposure to… wait what? Yaoi? What the hell is a Yah-oh? Anyway, the main cause of death has been proven to be from SasuNaru Ya-oh… whatever that is. **Can't you just imagine the mass hysteria? Hahaha… oh my…

Naruto: … Fallen, you scare me… but that's cool too because you always make me laugh.

Fallen: Awww, Naruto I could just glomp the living daylights out of you – but only after you and Sasuke are done getting crunk!

Naruto: Kay – Wait, what? No, no getting crunk!

Sasuke: Oops… too late…

**Craccckerrrrrr and Cheeseee…. Eh… IDK, Either Way the Wall's up.**

"Sasu, is there something on my face?" Naruto cocked his head to the side, his hair falling beautifully against his face. Oh geez, if Sasuke was anyone else he'd probably be rowing down the stream of his own drool right about now. "Or am I just so pretty you can't take my eyes off me? Well sorry, Uchiha, I'm taken!"

Sasuke quirked an eyebrow, even though you couldn't see it since his bangs were covering his eyes. "By who, Dobe?"

"By Mr. Snuggles, of course. That's who, Teme!" the blonde broke out in a wide smile, he really did like teasing the Uchiha – it was so much fun. Besides, we all know Mr. Snuggles is Pein's property anyways…

"You're an idiot," Sasuke deadpanned, grabbing Naruto by the arm and dragging him out onto the café floor. Seriously, he almost had a freaking heart attack when he heard Naruto was taken, only to be relieved to hear that Naruto was just being… well, Naruto, and teasing the living day lights out of him. 'But why the fuck was I so jealous? Who in their right mind would want to date that loud-mouth, obnoxious, idiotic, adorable… cute… funny… _idiotic _blonde!' Aww… the mind of a hormonal teenage is such a wonderful place is it not?

While being dragged by our, always confusing, mind-rambling, raven, Naruto took his fine and dandy time observing the raven before him. Sasuke's Cosplay was the exact opposite of Naruto's – unlike the blonde's outfit that had a nicely bright, blinding, could-be-classified-as-neon, orange, Sasuke's outfit consisted of black and purple colors. His hair had vibrant, purple streaks that worked really well against his onyx hair – that Naruto could have sworn grew darker in color. His eyes were covered by his nicely framed bangs, they were tipped with the same vibrant purple as well, and on the bottom of his lip was a snake bite.

Yes, that's right, a snake bite… you may squeal now…

When Naruto wore his, leg baring, shorts – Sasuke wore black skinny jeans with white chains on the pockets. While the blonde's studded belt was orange and black – Sasuke's was black and purple. If Naruto's shirt was orange and black, of course Sasuke's shirt had to black and purple! When Naruto had the balls to wear a black vest, Sasuke had even more balls and went vest-less. And, oh my, when Naruto's hands were nicely fitted into pure black gloves, Sasuke had to be the one with the cute, laced, fingerless gloves. Since Naruto's shoes were slip-ons, Sasuke's just _had _to be high tops with purple laces. Don't even get this narrator started on the cat accessories that were the complete mirror opposite of the blonde's.

If you haven't caught on yet… little Naru and lil' Sasuke are cute kitty twins – a wonderful idea from the minds of the Cosplay PlayBook and Itachi and Hidan after their "exercise".

'He looks really good…,' Naruto's eyes scanned over the length of the raven's body. Since when was he this tall? And when has the raven's touch ever made him want… want more? Why did his eyes unconsciously fall on that annoying snake bite, the one he wanted to play with and toy with his tongue while he plunge his tongue into the raven's – '_Wait, what? Where is this going, no Naruto Uzumaki you are _not _gay! Do you understand me?'_

'Am I really going to have an inner battle with the little Chibi in my head?'

Well of course you are, Blondie.

'_I'm not a Chibi, I'm your fucking voice of reason-,'_

'Ha! You said fucking, what a sailor's mouth you got there little Chibi.'

'_Just shut up and listen to me! Whatever you do, do _not _fall for that damned Uchiha, aiight?'_

'Yeah, yeah, yeah…'

Obviously Naruto wasn't going to listen to his voice of reason, that's completely laughable. Hell, he pretty much just realized he had one of those "conscience" that everyone always warned him to listen to, all this time he thought it was that magic 8 ball you bought at stores that when you shook it, all your questions would be answered.

Yeah, he's a strange kid; that Naruto.

"You wlook very delectable today," Itachi was perched on the top of a humongous scratch post. How he was able to ever get that massive thing into the café, without any hilarious injuries involved, was beyond our little blonde and raven's comprehension. But of course, we have to go into some detail with Itachi's outfit. He had a long trench coat, lined with red fur that opened up enough at the top and bottom so that you could see his exposed, pierced, belly button and some of his chest. Pants-wise he was wearing black slacks and shoe-wise he chose on a classic, refined, pair of ankle boots lined with red straps. For his cat accessories, he just wore the same thing Naruto and Sasuke were wearing but they were black and red.

Not a long description, right? Right.

"That's creepy coming from you, Aniki," Sasuke's eyes went all the way up to top of that skyscraper like scratch post where Itachi was scribbling God-knows-what, in that sketch pad he always carries around. Seriously, that sketchpad's probably his pride and joy… his little bundle of baby joy!

"Be lucky Weasel-san even _gave _you a glance; be even luckier that he complimented you!" Hidan whined, the whiskers on his face drooping with his pout. "Weasel-san just gave me a once over then walked off towards the back room; I've never felt so rejected!"

"Maybe, you were just too hot for words to describe you?" Naruto could be a kind fellow, and actually give words of encouragement and advice when the need arose – either that or when the topic of ramen ever came up into a conversation.

"Or maybe, Aniki got a hard-on looking at you and went off to the backroom to relieve himself," Sasuke smirked at the slow spreading grin that was appearing on the purple-iris man's face. It only took so little to get Hidan overexcited… sexually and emotionally.

Kind of like a blonde we all know and love. That's right, Deidara…

"Ah, Weasel-san, I knew you still loved me!"

"What the hell are you going on about?" Itachi raised an eyebrow, awe, he had sailor's mouth too – well hell, most likely everyone's infected with sailor's mouth…

"You don't have to lie; I know that sometimes not even I can not control the pheromones that are released from this gorgeous body of mine!"

"Hidan, did you take your medication this morning like I told you to?"

"You mean those little blue pills that were placed beside the glass of water on the bedroom dresser?"

"That would be the medication I'm talking about, Hidan."

"Eh, I fed them to the dog."

Itachi growled, 'No wonder that damn dog was making a mess, _everywhere_, this morning. I'm going to kill the idiot…' with the grace of a cat – why yes, that _was _a pun! - Itachi dropped from the scratch post, landing on his feet, and walked straight over to Hidan – whose arms were spread wide open to receive his long awaited hug and kiss from his wonderful weasel-san.

"Ow, ow, ow, Weasel-san I just got my ear pierced, let go!" Hidan whined while he was getting dragged, by the ear, by a less-than-happy Itachi. He knew he wasn't getting dragged away to have mind blowing sex, if that were the case Itachi would have taken him by the hand, fingers intertwined, towards the backroom. Oh no, Hidan was going to be poorly, and horribly, and maybe somewhat laughably, abused by our pissed off older raven.

Hidan, we salute you.

"Well, he's screwed," Naruto deadpanned, placing his hands behind his back. Any minute now the two would have to step onto the floor, suffer through long hours of squealing girls and drooling boys that just couldn't take their eyes off the Cosplay clad teens. However, there was a bright point to Naruto's day; it was so bright that Naruto couldn't stop the smile that was growing on his face, or the bubbles of giggles and snorts that escaped his lips.

"Has the insanity of this place gotten to you as well?" Sasuke asked truly concerned. Even though Naruto rarely acted like it – he was probably the sanest person in this place, asides from Pein but he was always preoccupied with Mr. Snuggles to ever strike up conversation unless needed.

"Pfft, you act like I've actually been sane for the past seventeen years of my life, Teme." He grabbed the raven by the hand, dragging him off into the mass of people that filed into the café. "I just have a feeling that today's going to be a good day, Sasu-chan. That, and my spidey senses are telling me that afterwards, you'll be buying me ten bowls of ramen!"

"How many times do I have to tell you, Dobe: You have no spidey senses?"

"That's the words of denial talking, Sasu-chan."

'Forget what I said – Naruto is far from sane…'

+Akatsuki Cosplay Café+

"So, do you have any pets at home?" Ru pulled on his most interested face he could possibly muster as he played with the red head's strands of hair. Seriously, his hair was just as bright as Sasori's – the only difference being that this guy's hair was more vibrant than the other's one.

"No, they're a waste of time," he replied stoically, his hand following the movements of the blonde's fingers as he casually touched his hair.

"That's not true!" Naruto whined, forming his lips into a nice pout. He was going to win this guy over if it killed him! "You know, I could show you the joys of having a pet." Naruto moved so that he was straddling the red head's lap and that his mouth was only a few inches away from that ridiculously pale ear. "I don't make a mess, I'm easy to clean after, I'm potty trained, and well hell, I can show you a good time – if you know what I mean," and of course, where would we be if we didn't follow up a suggestive line without a little nibble to the ear?

All the while, Sasuke sat on the other side of the table, brooding, pissed off, that the blonde was the one getting all flirty with the customers today. The blonde was strictly his and no one else's! _'Wait… what? No, he was never yours to begin with Sasuke!'_

'Says who?'

'_Says your damned voice of reason; that's who!'_ Well isn't that just spiffy, Sasuke had a voice of reason too. Looks like everyone has one of the "consciences" that people randomly go on about.

'So I actually have one of those… nice. You're pretty short though.'

'_Leave my chibi-ness out of this, Uchiha! Listen to me and listen good, the blonde is not yours – nor will he ever be if you just sit around here and brood!'_

'Are you saying I should do something about this?'

'_Yes- I mean, wait, no! I'm saying you shouldn't do anything about it!'_

'You really suck at this, do you know that?'

'_Whatever… go get screwed over for all I care!'_

'I tend to be the person who does the screwing, thank you very much.'

Now doesn't that sound like something Itachi would say? Too bad he's usually on bottom… oh well; beggars can't be choosers, eh?

"Something wrong, Raven-kun?" his doppelganger asked, plastering that all-too-fake smile on his face. No lie, this kid looked exactly like the raven, only difference was that his hair was shorter and his skin was probably a lot paler than Sasuke's.

'Of course I'm not okay. Does it look like I'm fucking okay?' Sasuke wanted to bite out, but he had to follow his scrip to the letter, or else - well, he really didn't want to dwell on the negatives too much. "No, the dobe's hogging up all the attention… we were supposed to get adopted together." A dramatic sigh and a flip with the bangs, "I guess I'm going to be alone again…"

What? Sasuke's showing actual emotion? Oh gee, this Cosplay PlayBook is an utter genius!

Naruto glanced over towards the raven who was acting like the emotional, black neko who's sole reason of living was for his younger's brother's sake. Yet, he did get jealous from time to time when his younger brother always got the attention rather he himself. Or, if the humans were getting just a little too close to his brother – he was the eldest, he had to protect him! His expanse love for his brother wouldn't allow him to see him hurt, used, abused just like he was when he was just a little kitten. Sometimes, his younger brother would mistake his sibling love… for something more, and tease and make him jealous because of it.

Yup, that was basically the synopsis of their play acting in a nutshell. They even found the DVD to this play tucked away in the back of the play book – the Akatsuki members had _a lot _of free time on their hands.

"Ru, what's the matter?" the red head encircled his arms around the blonde's waist, burying his head into the crook of Naruto's shoulder. He smirked, Sasuke was just getting angrier and angrier, just like that person told him he would…

"Don't pay them any mind, Raven, I'm much better company than that dickless blonde over there," Sai's fake smile grew even faker as his fingers casually graced up the length of Sasuke's arm. That comment really struck a nerve with the blonde, he could actually see his body bristle – like when a cat gets freaked out, or has water poured on its body… you get where this is going right? – with complete fury that he was almost certain Naruto was going to spring up and attack him with razor sharp cat claws.

"Don't you dare say that about my little brother!" Sasuke jumped up from the table, grabbing Naruto's arm in the process, and pulled him out of the red head's grasp. Their body's collapsed into one another so that Naruto was looming over top of Sasuke, hands planted on either side of the raven's head, legs entangled, and their breathes were slowly coming out in pants.

This definitely wasn't a part of the script. They were most definitely _not _supposed to end up in this predicament like they were in now – not like this is a bad situation of course but any other day Sasuke would, without a doubt, be on top.

Anywho…

"Geez, Raven, if you wanted to do _that _you could have just told me," Naruto smirked, or as close to a smirk as he could possibly do, he could never do it as perfectly as Sasuke or Itachi could.

"Shut up,"

"Were you jealous?" this time Naruto changed his tone of voice to one of mocking, to an actual worried voice.

"Of course not, Dobe, what reason would I have to be jealous?" Sasuke didn't look him in the eye, thank God for the bangs or Sasuke's façade would have probably been exposed – not like it really mattered anyways, he just wanted to be really convincing for the audience.

"You don't have to lie, Teme."

"I'm not lying,"

"Liarrrr," Naruto sang to the heavens.

The red head and Sasuke doppelganger sat at the table, highly amused by the little scene that was being played out before them.

"I am not, now get up off of me, Ru, you're heavy"

"Nah, I don't think I will," Naruto whined lazily, lying on top of Sasuke's unmoving body, making himself very comfortable as he snuggled into the raven's chest. On any other day, Naruto would have never dreamed of being this close to the raven. Sure, they've shared a few hugs from time to time, but there were more of those "hey best friend, let me give you a pat on the back" sort of hug. This time, he really didn't want to leave Sasuke's body, it felt so right to be pressed up against him…

Awe, Naruto's thoughts were so cute… and just in case you were wondering, Sasuke was pretty much thinking the same thing.

Thoughts of budding love; how adorable.

"Ru, please… you're really heavy…"

"No I'm not,"

A low sigh escaped the raven's lips; he really wasn't in the mood to argue. Instead, he wrapped his arms around the blonde's waist and held onto him tightly, his character hoping and praying that no one would ever come in-between them, not now, not ever.

"See, I knew you didn't want me to get up, you liar." Sasuke just scoffed, tightening his hold on Naruto's back and burying his face into the crook of Naruto's neck.

"Awe, don't they look so adorable, Gaara?" the doppelganger crooned, flashing his all too fake smile. Seriously… that smile probably made little children want to cry and run to their mothers – just kidding, it was a very becoming smile…

"I would say, do you think we gave them the right push, Sai?" Gaara twirled a spoon in his hand, fascinated by how it spun around and around in his fingers, while a smirk broadened across his face.

"Looks like it from the way Uchiha's grabbing onto him for dear life. They're so cute like that I want to torture them senselessly and drive them insane with pleasure," his smile turned into a smirk as he gazed down at the two on the floor – by now they were listening very intently to Sai's and Gaara's conversation and they really didn't like where it was heading…

"I want the blonde," Gaara deadpanned, dropping his spoon the plate as he gazed at the blonde's back.

"No fair, I wanted Ru-chan!" Sai whined.

"Tsk, could have fooled me by the way you called him dickless."

"But he looks so feminine; he couldn't possibly have a dick beneath all of that."

'You're an idiot…,' Gaara thought, glancing over towards an oncoming figures that were approaching their table, "Oi, Itachi-san, we got them together just like you asked."

"Wonderful, I'm sorry to have asked you this on such short notice, but it was the only way to push this two in the right direction – I hope you don't mind," Itachi thanked graciously, smirking at the now-broken apart- blonde and raven on the floor. His plan worked absolute wonders – who said jealousy a few script changes, could spark a romance?

"Our pleasure, Tachi-san," Sai nodded, his all-too-fake smile plastered on his face once again.

"Itachi, what the fuck is going on here! Did you hire these people to… to…-," Sasuke let his voice drop; his eyes underneath his bangs caught the glance of the blonde who was sporting a very nice blush on his face. Was he embarrassed? Sure, Sasuke was pretty damn embarrassed himself, he allowed himself to get caught up in the role too much. He just got lost in the acting, that's what he kept telling himself over and over again…

Sorry, Sasuke-chan, you're just going to live with the facts: You absolutely loved cuddling with Naruto!

"Well of course I did, Otouto, why wouldn't I hire our new employees?" Itachi rolled his eyes at Sasuke's stupid question. You know how there's a saying that goes: "There's no such thing as a stupid question, just stupid people,"? Yeah, well… sometimes that quote didn't apply to Sasuke. "Good job, Gaara-kun, Sai-kun."

"Thank you, Tachi-san!" Sai sang, geez, did this kid ever stop fake smiling? Gaara just stuck to his ever-popular nod, his gaze leaving marks, and sending shivers, on Naruto.

Itachi really was the devil, might as well hand him a pitchfork right now.

* * *

Itachi, you coniving, little, sexy, son of a rainbow fish - you can see right through Naruto and Sasuke can't you? Hiring people to push these two budding love birds together... aww... how sweet (:

Remember kids: Use jealousy to your advantage - it will get you far! HA! I kid, don't do that... it's bad...

Anywho, sorry if the endings a little rushed, I was low on time and the mom was rushing me and GAHH o.o it was not fun.

**Next time on the Akatsuki Cosplay Cafe Variety Show: New Workers, New Rivals, New Love!**

**Summary: It seems like everyone wants a piece of our idiotic Naruto, but Naruto really doesn't want any of them... except for one special little raven - too bad he's too dense to tell the difference between love and infatuation... oh well...**

Did I do a good job on the summar? I hope so :D, Reviews would be lovely, helps fuel my creativity and all that jazz. Till next time!

_~Peace and Love and Roses and Skittles and all that jazz - Fallen.~_


	8. New Workers, New Rivals and New Love!

Hello everybody! Fallen is back and ready for some SasuNaru buisness! :D Now last chapter, I probably rambled **alot **on Naruto's and Sasuke's outfit and for that I'm sorry because that probably took up the majority of the chapter D:. That won't happen again - I pinky promise :D.

Next chapter, I'll do some responding to reviews so don't hesitate to leave any (:. Even a "Good Job" is highly appreciated. Thank you to everyone who has reviewd so far! (: Everyone's reviews always make me smile and want to get up and dance in my underpants! But I only did that once... no worries P:.

Now then... since Gaara and Sai will be reoccuring let me lay down the ages... fer sure ;D.

Gaara: 19

Sai: 18

Done, done and done done done!

And of course... there's always a warning... so hold onto your little stuffed animals while I lay down the law!

**WARNING WARNING...: The wall gets broken at least two times, maybe more (lost track). There's some smut... ish... and alot of fluff! And alot of SasuNaru, some GaaRu (Gaara/Naruto) and just so much fluff you'll all glomp me for it! There's ItaHidan stuff that mingle along to... that you'll also all glomp me for :D. Sorry, Sai gets nothing... this time around ;D. I think that's all you need to be warned about... o.o.**

Read and Enjoy my Lurvelies :D.**

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**Akatsuki Cosplay Café**

**Chapter Eight: New Workers, New Rivals and New Love!**

"Everyone, these will be your new employees Gaara and Sai. Let's do our Cosplay best to make them feel all safe and warm and welcome." Itachi read off his light blue index card word for word, scanning over the material that was written on the small, rectangular paper.

**Then flash a smile. **

Cue a bright and warm smile from our lovely Itachi.

"Hi," Gaara was not one for words, he mostly liked to stare you done until you cracked, and or, nod or 'hn'ed.' Either way the teenager freaked the living rainbow colors out of you. With a slight wave towards the crew, and a lustful glance towards the blonde – who squirmed and inched a little bit closer to Sasuke involuntarily – he took his place next to his cousin, Sasori.

**Naruto, STOP BREAKING MY WALL, GOSH!**

Fallen: Naruto, WTF, why the hell are you breaking the wall, now?

Naruto: Because! You never told me Sasori and that molester was related!

(Honestly, you'd think he'd notice this by now…)

Sasuke: She's not obligated to tell you, Dobe. So shut up so we can continue the story.

Naruto: NO! Not until I get some straight answers, dammit!

Fallen: Naruto, instead of being a dumbass and _breaking _the fourth wall for _stupid _reasons, you could just – in character – voice your surprise and shock, and ask Sasori – in character - about the family situation.

Naruto: … Seriously?

Everyone minus Naruto: YES!

Naruto: … Sweet…

**Sorry For the Blonde's Stupidity – the Wall's fixed.**

"Nice to see you've finally got the balls to come here, Gaara." Sasori nodded to his cousin. Who, at the moment, was getting one hell of a glomp from an over-enthusiastic Deidara. The blonde always had a fetish for men with vibrant red hair… and Gaara's was just so red, he always had to do inappropriate yet funny gestures to the smaller boy to show , his love, and his over-all fetish in general.

For example, one time Deidara had completely stripped the two red-heads completely bare and used them as models for his sculptures. Till this day, Gaara and Sasori-like sculptures scatter the grounds of the property where Deidara and his lover live.

Finally prying himself from Deidara death grip, he coaxed the blonde off by using Sasori's baby pictures as a bribe. They were the two years old collection! With them, the blonde's photo album of his lovely red-head would finally be completed!

Anyway…

Gaara just nodded, he could have said something along the lines of: "I've always had balls; I just didn't want to work in a place with whack jobs." But this job paid well, and he needed the money for things. "My father sends his regards."

Sasori quirked an eyebrow, an amused smirk appeared on his face. "That old geezer's still alive? I thought you would have killed him by now."

"I've tried," Gaara shrugged, picking off some imaginary dust fairies that clung to his sleeve.

"You failed again?"

The shorter red-head nodded.

"What did you use this time?"

"I tried choking him with the string on the windows you use to pull the blinds up and down."

"Amateur-ish mistake, my little cousin," Sasori shook his head in disapproval. Jeez, did he not learn anything from Sasori's long and hard years of 'How to Kill a Bastard 101'? "I thought I taught you better than this. You want to kill him quick and easy, so there are no remains of blood or evidence behind."

Gaara nodded wordlessly, listening intently to his older cousin's wise words of wisdom. "So what do you suppose I use?"

"Overdose," was his deadpanned answer. Gaara slowly nodded, before smiling softly to himself and leaning against the wall.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, pause, rewind, and stop!" Naruto held a hand in the air, his lips pursed together in a frown. "Sari-chan," Sari was just a cute nickname; the little blonde just _had _to call Sasori that. Especially since Sasori would do nothing but growl at him and send dirty glares – the most painless form of punishment you could receive from him. "You never told me you had a cousin!"

Isn't it strange that Naruto was more concerned about Sasori's personal life, rather than the fact that he just sat through two people conversing on how to kill someone…

Yeah, he's a strange one; that Naruto.

"It's none of your business, Runt." Sasori scoffed, and then walked away in search of his blonde. He was craving some action right about now. Nodding to his little cousin, and Itachi, he left the room to find his blonde – wherever the hell he ran off to.

"I guess I'll introduce myself next." Sai smiled that ridiculously fake smile towards the rest of the employees. "My name's Sai and I have a thing for dickless blondes." He licked his lips towards Naruto and winked seductively.

Man, oh man, did Sai know how to make Naruto pee his pants (In fear of course...).

"Sai-,"

"-Sai, lay off," Gaara growled, wrapping his arms protectively around the blonde's waist. He sent a death glare challenging the paler raven to make anymore dickless jokes at the blonde's expense.

Wait, what? No, that was not how that was supposed to go down. _Sasuke _was supposed to act all cool and stand-offish. Becoming Naruto's knight and shining armor and saving him from that blunt man named Sai. 'My arms are supposed to be around his waist!' Sasuke growled glaring holes at the red-head who was getting a little _too _close to his blonde.

Yes, that's right, _his _blonde. He could argue that he was still suffering from the affects from his cuddle with said blonde from earlier, but you could always argue back that Sasuke was just being ignorant to his feelings and what have you…

The argument would probably last a couple of days.

"Oh ho ho, Lil' Raven's getting jealous! Look how cute he is when his cheeks get all flared and red!" Hidan cooed. Since he was one of the many general idiots that worked at the café, he had the balls (and the stupidity) to grab a handful of Sasuke's cheeks and play and torture them as he pleased.

A few seconds later and Hidan was on the ground, holding onto his kicked member for dear life. Dear God, Sasuke Uchiha strikes again! This time, Itachi took some pity on his abused friend, and gave him a pack of band-aids hoping it would ease the pain. They were even Hidan's favorites: Ni Hao Kai Lan, so hopefully they helped to ease the searing pain that was coursing through the older man's lower regions.

Ha… probably not.

"You know, now that I think about it… you're really soft Gaara-nii! Like a stuffed bear that I just want to hug the living daylights out of!" Naruto pinched one of Gaara's cheeks and giggled while the piece of flesh effortlessly flopped back into place. He could be entertained for a few hours at the most with this, unless, Gaara got sick of it by then and decided to kill the blonde for it later – which he would never do! So no worries, our little blondie is safe and sound… for now.

Ha… epic foreshadow.

"Poor, Sasuke-kun, I know how hard rejection can be," Sai placed an "apologetic" hand atop of Sasuke's shoulder, slowly kneading the tense muscle in hopes that it would "ease the raven's stress". Technically speaking, he just wanted to feel up Sasuke; go figure.

"I wasn't rejected!" Sasuke growled, his fingers clenching and unclenching as this, _jealousy_ flew through those tiny veins. Yes, our little raven was in fact _very _jealous that this stranger was already marking his newly found territory! Even though, yet again, Sasuke could have argued that Naruto was his from the beginning, then you would probably retort that he never even realized his dormant feelings until _now_.

The power of hormones is such a strange thing indeed…

Speaking of lovely hormones…

Itachi raised his head from his sketchpad when he felt a pair of huge arms wrap around his torso. He sighed mentally, before turning his bored gaze onto his attacker, "What is it now, Hidan?"

"Weasel-san~ I'm hungry," Hidan whined. Pouting, he buried his face into the back of Itachi's neck, nuzzling into the warm skin of his "lover", but Itachi also had that annoying arguing jean tucked in somewhere in that sexy strand of DNA of his, and would probably say something along the lines of this:

"I beg to differ. Hidan is just one of the many lovely toys I play with at my disposal."

Just think of it like those Barbie and Ken dolls you used to get when you were younger. And once you got older (and a hell of a lot wiser) you started to use them to act out "scenes".

**Cracker Be Trippin'.**

Naruto: Ew, Fallen, I'm pretty sure only _you _did that with your dolls.

Fallen: HA! That's where you're wrong, Blondie! I never had a Ken doll growing up.

Naruto: So this means…

Fallen: Ohhh yeah… I butchered some of my other doll's hair so they could be a make-shift Ken doll.

Naruto: O_O" Ohhhh… oh…

Sasuke: Wow, Naruto… you're a dirty blonde…

Fallen: Fer sure…

**You Be Trippin' All the Way to the Wall… IDK… Wall's fixed.**

"And what am I supposed to do about your hunger?" Itachi raised an eyebrow, trying to wriggle free from Hidan's clutches. However, the silver-haired man's breath upon his exposed skin sent shivers up his spine, and the hair on the back of his neck to stand on end. One thing Itachi couldn't deny was the fact that Hidan could probably have his way with him… if he allowed him too of course.

"Feed me!"

"My dick's not open for service," Itachi deadpanned.

"Not like that!" Hidan whined, gripping onto Itachi's waist a little bit tighter. 'Even though I wouldn't _mind _having Itachi's dick for dinner…' he smirked devilishly to himself, snickering mentally at all the perverted images of Itachi that were floating around in the wide expanse called his mind. "I mean, take me to the kitchen! Pleaseeee~"

"Take yourself to the kitchen. You have two legs, two feet, use them you lazy ass." The older raven glared slits at the man still holding on to his waist – he was getting his coat all wrinkled up, dammit! Just then… a little tongue crept up and started to make its way slowly up from Itachi's neck to the outer-edge of his ear.

Gosh darn it! He just had to whip out the tongue, didn't he? That little stinker…

"We could play with the whip cream…" Hidan blew air onto the older raven's pierced flesh before giving the ear a little nibble. Screw getting dinner, somewhere along the lines Hidan started to get a little too horny for comfort. Probably because his hand was sneakily creeping up Itachi's coat to grasp one of those cute, hidden, pink little nubs.

"… Lead the way."

Score for the Hidan!

Sasuke was still as pissed off as ever, but even with his built up rage that was stored within the confines of his little body…he still did _absolutely nothing _about the situation! What the hell, Uchiha? Get out there and fight for your Naruto! But of course… everyone needs a push in the right direction at times…

This was one of those times.

"Gaara~, don't be a selfish brat and hog Naruto-kun for yourself!" Sai whined, pouting just a little for added effect – an effect that sadly backfired since Gaara's grip on Naruto's own waist tightened slightly.

"No way, get your own cute blonde," and just because he needed to finalize his point, and piss of Sasuke _and _Sai – even though Sai probably could have cared less – he nuzzled his face into the crook of our little blondie's neck.

Now… some of you may be wondering: Why the hell is Naruto letting Gaara get away with this? Well maybe, _just_, maybe our little blonde fellow was waiting for a certain stands-in-the-corner-sulking raven to get off his lazy ass and do something about this! To pry him away from Gaara's death grip and bring him safely into his own pair of arms. But nooo! Sasuke was such the stubborn ass that he was, that he'd probably stand there for another two and a half minutes until something was actually done!

But, Naruto could just be as lazy, and stubborn, and such a damn tease in general, that he'd probably just stand there for another couple of minutes until Sasuke finally decided to come to his rescue. Until that lovely time would arrive, he snuggled in closer into Gaara's touch and mewled slightly at the sudden warmth that crept through his body.

"Gaara-nii is so warm! I could hug him all day!" Naruto declared, a little too loudly and obnoxiously that if anyone was deaf they'd probably still hear him – not perfectly, but a sort of random mumbles -. Anyway, his comment was directed right towards the stoic raven, whose own pair of lips were set in a tight line and his eyes were glaring daggers into the blonde.

Naruto mentally cheered! 'Hooray, he's getting jealous!'

No duh…

"I'm just as warm as Gaara, if not warmer," Sai pouted even more, his voice taking on an annoyingly nasally whine…

"Suck it up, Sai. He wants me," and yet again, Gaara smirked towards Sasuke's little corner of depression and anger. Pretty much everyone was out to get Sasuke – and admit that the raven was in fact jealous of all the snuggling that was going on with _his _blonde at the moment.

(A/N: I'm not going to crack the wall for this – no reason to. But just so you all know, Naruto and Sasuke are not dating _yet_, they're just very slow at developing their feelings… but after our little cuddle last chapter… let's just say their hormones are going a little out of whack)

"You're practically groping him, Gaara! Be a little more discreet with where you place your hands!" Oh my, even Sai was casting glances towards Sasuke. Making his voice as loud, and obnoxious, and as hint-induced as possibly, he made sure that his voice and wording was just enough to get Sasuke riled up to stomp over here and… well… who knows what he would do. Either way, just watching (or stirring up trouble) was enough to sedate our little devil of a Sai for a couple of hours.

Yeah; Sai's a regular devil.

Oh hell to the no, that was the absolute, _last_, bendy straw for the Uchiha! With the rage of a maddened bull, he stomped over to the trio in the middle of the room and forcibly yanked the blonde out of Gaara's, unprepared from the sudden intrusion, arms and into his own pair of appendages.

Naruto sputtered, blushing fiercely as his face was buried deep into Sasuke's upper body. He could have argued it was getting red from the lack of air he was receiving being crammed into Sasuke's chest, then again… we could always argue the contrary.

Ha… we could even have our own little court scene with the bailiff and everything!

"Sasu, what the hell, you're squeezing the rainbow colors out of me!" Naruto whined, but his blush still increased (from lack of air… haaa…) and he was subconsciously _glad _that he had finally managed his way into the stoic raven's arms – God even knows how hard that was to accomplish.

"Just shut up," Sasuke replied, even though it sounded a little less harsh then Naruto expected it to be. So, being the somewhat smart fellow he was, Naruto immediately closed his mouth and just allowed himself to be embraced by Sasuke. Why? He honestly didn't know. Maybe, it really _was _from that intense cuddling they did only a few hours before. Or maybe, just maybe, Naruto actually enjoyed being in the strong, comforting arms of Sasuke.

Eh… either way, Naruto was in those arms and he sure as Hell wasn't about to leave anytime soon!

Aww… what a wonderful, and fluffy, plot development we've got here.

"Lookie what we have here," Sai crossed his arms across his chest; a knowing smirk was plastered on his face. "Sasuke's the possessive one in the pairing. Who would have thought?" Yet, we all knew that Sai was already aware of Sasuke's strange, yet always hot, possessiveness.

Gaara just stared at his empty arms. It was like… someone had just ripped out his cute, little, puppy out of his arms so that it could be ran over by an incoming car (which actually did happen, why do you think Gaara always attempts to kill his father?). Instead, the puppy was Naruto and the incoming car was actually a normal, stick up his ass, Sasuke who was currently burying his face into Naruto's own neck.

No worries; Sasuke won't be killed by Gaara anytime soon, or in the near future. But that doesn't mean Gaara can't send him death glares that could probably freeze over Hell and make the Russians fear for their own lives towards him.

"I guess our little blondie has already been claimed! What a tragedy really," Sai feigned sadness, raising the back of his hand dramatically to his forehead while he faked a long and dreadful sigh. See? Sai was born for the theatre! But, he'd rather work in Cosplay instead… weird kid, but who could blame him?

He's hot… so it's alright.

"Not if I have a say about it," Gaara growled, fuming silently beside our ever-so-dramatic older raven. He was craving something… something delicious and satisfying that would send his body into all sorts' tremors from all the pleasure that it caused.

That's right… Gaara needed… ice-cream.

"Come with me," Gaara commanded emotionlessly, grabbing Sai by the arm and dragging him towards the kitchen. That probably wasn't a very smart idea on Gaara's part since Hidan and Itachi were getting very familiar with a specific bottle of whip cream right about now…

"Does my banana taste better with whip cream, or without, Weasel-san?" Hidan panted as Itachi's slick tongue moved up and down his throbbing member. Good God, Itachi had such a way with using that slimy appendage!

Of course, Itachi was too full with… Hidan's "banana" to say anything logical, and or coherent, so he made his answer clear by taking in our lovely Hidan's organ all the way into his mouth. Which of course, lead to Hidan's hearty, raspy, full out animalistic scream that, of course, was heard from the other side of the door that, obviously, was where Gaara and Sai were just a few mere inches away from getting some delicious ice cream.

"You know… I don't really want ice cream anymore," Gaara dropped Sai's hand without warning and stomped back over to our lovely hugging couple. Who –since then – hadn't uttered much of anything while they were still hugging the living daylights out of each other.

Yeahhh, they were strange kids; that Sasuke and Naruto.

Sasori and Deidara finally walked in from God knows where, and just around that time Itachi and Hidan made their appearance – Hidan zipping up the fly of his pants and Itachi just smirking as usual.

"Who said whip cream wasn't a man's best friend! It's the best topping in the world!" Awe, wonderful suggestive comments… what would we do without you?

"You guys played with the whip cream?" Sasori raised an eyebrow; an amused smirk was currently being played across his face. "I hope you didn't use the real one." What? There were two bottles of whip cream? Then what could the other can possibly be?

"We couldn't since it was empty, thanks to a certain someone!" Hidan glared daggers at Sasori and Deidara, who liked to play dumb in these situations when the time arose.

"What can I say? Deidara loves his toppings," Sasori just shrugged like it was the most natural thing in the world for a can of "Sex Time Whip Cream" to be emptied on a regular basis.

"Hey! Look over there, un! Lil' Raven and Kit-chan are finally embracing!" Deidara cooed, pointing his black fingernail over to our snuggling couple. Who still probably haven't even registered that they were still hugging… awe, young, ignorant love… how cute you are at the early stages of a relationship.

"About time my brother grew some balls." Itachi stated frankly. He pulled out his sketchpad (thank God it didn't get dirtied by the whip cream…) and started to jot some random things down. Most likely, it was all the possible situations he could place Naruto and Sasuke in now with their new, slow as a turtle with a limp, growing relationship.

"Lil' Raven, Blondie, are you two finally going to get crunk?" Hidan asked with a little more enthusiasm than was necessary.

"You guys should definitely do it on the table, un!" Deidara added in his own piece of advice into the conversation, "But do it over on table 13, that's the best place to fuck!"

"We'll even video tape it for promotional needs," Sasori obviously had to add in his own two cents as well.

"Hey, Gaara, we should get them to video tape us having sex!" Sai winked and wrapped a cool arm around Gaara's shoulders, which was rudely shrugged off with a growl.

"Like hell I want your dick shoved up my ass."

"That's not what you said to me the first time!" Sai sang, skipping away merrily as he was getting chased around by Gaara.

Aren't those two just plain adorable? Don't you just want to pinch their wittle cheeks?

Pein finally appears, with Mr. Snuggle placed neatly on his head, as he walked over to his fellow workers. "Mr. Snuggles wanted some cookies… so I thought I'd come out here." He turned his gaze to the ever-oblivious, hugging Naruto and Sasuke. Seriously… they've been hugging for about… ten, fifteen, minutes? "Sasuke finally grew some balls, huh?"

Everyone nodded.

"About time… that's what Mr. Snuggles is says."

Praise the Lord that Sasuke _finally _lifted his head from Naruto's neck to look up at all the commotion! Five out of the eight original workers were staring at them, wide-eyed and expectedly, waiting for anything worth-whiled to happen. While, Sai was running for his life, more like laughing off his ass, while he was being chased around the store by Gaara.

Confused as he was, he didn't say a word, but instead peered down at Naruto, who was still clutching onto his shirt. Sasuke hadn't realized that since he pulled Naruto out of Gaara's hold – they were still hugging! Standing in that exact spot, and never moved an inch until then.

No wonder his legs were cramping…

"Otouto, are you going to kiss Naruto-kun now or later?" Itachi voiced the question that was swimming away idly in the ponds of the Akatsuki members minds. Everyone looked over at the two eagerly; even Mr. Snuggles was getting highly amused by the situation.

"What?" Naruto, finally, stuck his head out from Sasuke's chest to send evil, and powerful, death glares to the freaking bastard that even _insisted_ on Sasuke kissing him! Who the hell did they think they were anyway? The two were only hugging, in Naruto and Sasuke's mind, and there was nothing more about it! Pffft, of course there were never any hidden feelings that were slowly surfacing, and it was absolutely ludicrous to even suggest kissing Naruto's warm… pink… luscious lips…

'… I'm screwed,' Sasuke deadpanned to himself. 'Absolutely, on the fucking dining table screwed.' Woohoo! Two points for some wicked sailor's mouth!

"Oh c'mon, kissing Naruto won't be too bad, Lil' Raven! If you're lucky, you'll probably even slip in some tongue while you're at it!" Good job, Hidan, always give wise words of encouragement to little teenagers.

"All you need is the push in the right direction, un!"

Maybe Deidara was a physic – hardly likely – or maybe, just maybe, he had seen Sai and Gaara coming closer and closer to the embracing couple. And maybe… he had already noticed that Gaara was going to push Sai into Sasuke, resulting in Sasuke being pushed over and on top of Naruto, leading their lips together into a fumbled kiss that left the two absolutely breathless.

The room went silent… too silent, as everyone, even Naruto and Sasuke (who were staring at each other), were gazing at the two that were currently caught in a lip-lock. Nobody moved, time stood still, and the rapid, thumping, rib caging, Jamaican Steel drum of a heartbeat pounded against both the raven's and the blonde's chest.

For a few more minutes… they two stayed there, sharing an unexpected, yet highly enjoyable – even though they'd never admit it – first kiss.

"Well, Mr. Snuggles still wants his cookie," Pein was the first to break the silence, since he had to keep Mr. Snuggles full and satisfied. "So I'm heading off to the kitchen. Tell me when Naruto-kun and Sasuke-kun every break from that kiss…"

"W-Wait, Pein-chan!" Hidan finally gained over his initial shock to run over towards Pein so he could warn the orange-haired man before he opened up the kitchen door. "Whatever you do, don't use the whip cream canister!"

"Why not? Mr. Snuggles loves his cookies with whip cream…" Pein slightly pouted. Now what was Mr. Snuggles going to do?

"Just… 'cause…" Hidan mumbled underneath his breath. He was trying pretty damn hard not to meet Pein and Mr. Snuggles question gaze.

"… Ew, Hidan… just ew…" Pein shook his head in dismay, before opening up the kitchen door and closing it shut behind him. Leaving a blushing Hidan, three shell-shocked Akatsuki members, one blushing Itachi Uchiha, two crazed teens running around the shop, and one pair of lips clasping happily against the other.

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So... Naruto and Sasuke share a kiss, after being "pushed" into it.. HA! Lame, stupid pun! :D. I hope you all enjoyed this chapter, I kind of jumped around a bit but I think that's okay... ishhh...

**Tune in next time for another Episode of Akastuki Cosplay Cafe!**

**Next Chapter: Too Shocked to be Bothered With!**

**Summary: Just likt the chapter implies, Naruto and Sasuke were so shocked from their kiss, they don't want to be bothered with next chapter (EXCUSES!) Soo... we're going to divert from them a little bit. We find out that Itachi lovesss tooo (insert thingy here) and also wants to drag Hidan into (inserts here!) No... nothing pervy children... or is it pervy? *WINK WINK!* Alsooo... Sasori and Deidara go on a date... :3.**

Lots of fun, eh?

Till Next time!

_~P.E.A.C.E! What does that spell... PEACE! LOVE! CONFETTI! AND JOY! - Fallen~._


	9. Too Shocked to be Bothered With!

I WANT TO SUCK YOUR... lollipop 8D. No really, give me that blue lollipop in your hand. I'm serious... hand it over ._.

Wherever that came from... who the hell knows :3. But ik where I came from! From my momma :D!

Alrighty, enough with my weird rambles. I have finally updated Akatsuki Cosplay Cafe, and this chapter is probably the biggest filler of them all o.o. But it is pretty interesting I'd say (:, but it doesn't go into all that much detail on some things - b/c there's always going to be a wonderful backstory later on to fill you in :D.

Now then, with that said, on to some replies!

**To MikaUchiha: Thank you for always reviewing! I'm glad you liked the kiss and here is your wonderful update :3.**

**To XMistressDevilx: You know, I always like reading your reviews - because they're always so entertaining for me! Hahaha. I'm pretty sure I've told you this before, but I love when you present your favorite line to me, because, well hell, it was my favorite line too when I was typing it :D. I hope you enjoy chapter 9 :D!**

And there's always a warning...

**WARNING, WARNING, INFESTATION OF YAOI! LEAVE NOW OR PREPARED TO SUFFER SEVERE NOSEBLEEDS: Crossdressing, Kissing, Rambles, Fluff, SasuNaru, Mr. Snuggles evilness, I break the wall about two times, and well... eh.. you'll see when you read o.o.**

'_Blah blah blah italicised words' _= Sasu & Naru's inner rants

Read and Enjoy my lurvlies :D**

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**Akatsuki Cosplay Café**

**Chapter Nine: Too Shocked to be Bothered With!**

"So, how long do you think they've been kissing like that?" Sasori raised an eyebrow as he gazed at the two teens that were still sharing one intense lip-lock floor.

"What does it matter? As long as they don't make a mess out of things, I say let them go wild," Itachi shrugged off the question and dropped it like a bad habit. Really, as long as Sasuke and Naruto didn't jizz up his floors, or got any form of drool anywhere near the blue and pink tiled ground – they could go as far as they wanted to in his opinion.

Not like it was the first time any of the employees had done something stimulating on these very floors. It also wasn't the first time Itachi had threaten anyone with the fact that if they were so lost in their crazy passion of their love-making that, by some horrible chance of fate, they got at least one dirty body fluid on Itachi's beautiful floor – they'd be suffering Hell.

If you don't believe it, just ask Sasori and Deidara. They're always at the wrong end of the stick when dealing with Itachi's horrible wraith. Apparently, the two were very messy in terms of their love-making but eh, who could blame 'em?

Anyway, Hidan stared down at his very nifty and convenient stopwatch that was currently timing how long Naruto and Sasuke were really going at it. They've been kissing for a very long time… "Stopwatch says: One minute and fifteen seconds. One minute and sixteen seconds. One minute and seventeen seconds." And so on and so forth Hidan goes until someone – mainly Sasori with the threat of ripping off his dick, and Itachi with the threat of ignoring his sexual urges – threatened him to stop.

Good thing Hidan doesn't take such things seriously, eh?

"Seriously, they've been going at it for one minute and seventeen seconds?" Deidara raised an eyebrow and glanced at Hidan's stopwatch that currently read one minute and thirty seconds. "Whoa, that's even longer than me and Sari-chan have kissed, un!" he looked at his lovely red-head with a wicked grin and a twinkle of mischief in his eyes, "Sari-chan~ we can't let these kids beat our record!"

"Are you proposing we start kissing as well?" Sasori raised his own amused eyebrow and smirked. He loved it when his blonde wanted to get frisky with him – which was pretty much all the time but it never got old every time Deidara tried to come on to him.

"Hell yeah, I'm not letting these inexperienced newbies show us up!" he cheered with such gusto, and probably a lot of insanity, as he grabbed Sasori by the collar and pulled him into a deep and passionate kiss. One so full of tongue and all that wet, sucking, noises you know you'll never forget. You know the ones, the type that just stay in your brain forever and will randomly pop up from time to time when you least expect it.

**C.R.A.C.K!**

Naruto: Oh, I totally know what you're talking about, Fallen! Like, one time I accidently walked in on Kakashi and Iruka getting it on in the living room… and the noises were just… GAH!

Fallen: Naruto, what the hell do you think you're doing? You're supposed to be kissing the living rainbow colors out of Sasu-chan right now!

Naruto: I got bored. –shrugs-

Sasuke: And I was getting tired of ramen breath being shoved up my airways every five seconds.

Fallen: Does this look like the face of an authoress who cares? –Points to my face- No, it sure doesn't, so get back there and start kissing!

Naruto: -whines- I don't wanna! You can't make me!

Fallen: Oh, ho, ho, you really want to challenge me?

Sasuke: Naruto, if you're as smart as I hope you are, you'll stop talking right now and kiss me.

Naruto: … Fine, but I'm only doing this because I was forced! Not because I wanted to kiss the teme anyways!

Fallen: Riiiight, could have fooled me there, Naru-chan.

Naruto: Gaahhhh!

**N.O C.R.A.C.K F.O.R Y.O.U**

"Hm, Deidara and Sasori have been going at it now for… three minutes and fifteen seconds." Hidan nodded approvingly to the couple that was still sucking face. How they ever gained the lung capacity to keep at it for that long, Hidan will never know. However, what he _did _want to know was how to increase his own capacity so he could kiss Itachi for as long as he liked – without the need of air getting in the way.

"What about Naruto-kun and Sasuke-kun?" Sai asked, like he was just standing there the whole time watching and wasn't just being chased by Gaara a few moments ago. His eyes never left the frozen two on the floor and if his mind had mistaken him, which it probably did, he thought he saw a little flash of tongue dart in-between the little gap where their lips connected. 'Eh, I'm just surprised no one's shirt has been flung off yet,' then he turned back to Deidara and Sasori who were the complete opposite of the shell-shocked two on the floor. 'And then there's those two…'

Just so you know, Sasori and Deidara were completely butt-naked and already in the midst of make love right about now. Everyone else was pretty sure the two had dropped the idea of trumping the newbies, and picked up the idea of making hot, steamy, love to one another.

Then again, who could blame them for choosing the latter?

But, how are our two lovely main characters faring? They couldn't possibly be oblivious to the world around them, could they? Why yes, yes they could. In fact, their minds were so wrapped around the fact that they were kissing each other that… well… it might be better if you say what was actually going on in their minds for yourself.

First up, we have Sasuke's wonderful world of rambles!

'_We're kissing… Oh my God, we're kissing! Me and Naruto, that dobe… and now… how did this happen? I mean, yeah, I thought he looked cute when he was wearing all those dresses but I never thought about kissing him! Okay, no, I have thought about kissing him, numerous times, but I didn't think it would happen this soon! Dammit, I'm going to wring Sai by his neck, then attempt to give Gaara one of my 'Has the power to freeze Hell over' stares only because I can't kill him! Then, I'm going to murder my brother for even making this damned Cosplay café in the first place! And maybe if I get bored I might slap Hidan upside the head a couple of times.'_

'_Oh God, his lips feel really nice…'_

'_And he fits so perfectly against my own body…'_

'_Were his eyes always that shade of blue?'_

'_Why am I still talking to myself?'_

'_Why hasn't anyone of moved yet?'_

'_Why do I feel eyes boring into the back of my skull?'_

'_Why am I so suddenly hungry… for a blonde – NO! No blonde, bad Sasuke! I should have listened to my damned chibi…'_

This is the part where Chibi Sasuke goes: "HA! Told you so, bitch."

Now, of course, we have to focus in on Naruto's inner problems as well. Tis only fair.

'_I'm really hungry…'_

'_Is the sound of my stomach rumbling as obvious and loud as it is to me, to the others?'_

'_Why isn't anyone moving? And why the hell am I still on the ground with Sasuke…'_

'_Oh GOD, Sasuke's… Sasuke's… LIPS! They're on top of mine!'_

'_They taste really good – WAIT WHAT? No, bad Naruto, you can not be fantasizing on how good it is to have Sasuke's lips pressed against yours. Or how good it is that his body is really comfortable, and how good it feels to have his hair tickling your face and –NO! Bad, bad, bad!'_

'_See what hunger does to you? Makes you insane I tell you, insane!'_

'_But wow… Sasuke looks really pretty up close…'_

'_I wonder if I could just get away with running my fingers through his hair… it looks really soft.'_

'_SEE! Hunger is driving me insane – but I really do want to run my fingers through that hair…'_

'_Dammit all, I should have listened to that freaking chibi…'_

And, obviously, this is the part where Chibi Naruto would say: "Told you, now suck it!"

You just gotta love those chibis, they're good people.

Sasuke and Naruto were still enrapt in the world of their kissing, that honestly everyone else was getting pretty bored of just watching those two. If they weren't going to go any farther than one, frozen in place, kiss then what's the point of watching it? Sure, they could have turned to Sasori and Deidara for any form of entertainment but they've already seen about every sex position possible from the two that watching them would only seem like those annoying reruns that always appear on TV.

Sai started to stare at his stead-fast growing fingernails – they really needed a trim in his opinion. Gaara was formulating all the various ways he could kill Sasuke for stealing Naruto's first kiss because obviously the red-head was planning on taking that himself. So far, Gaara had already figured out 375 to take out our resident raven.

Hidan was on the verge of heading back into the kitchen, as well as dragging Itachi along with him, so they could start playing with the whip cream again. Tobi would probably strangle the living daylights out of him for wasting, yet again, another can of whip cream, but Hidan would just make it up by giving Tobi a brand new issue of Skip Beat.

Sasori and Deidara… well… we already know what _they _were doing at the moment. So obviously they weren't really concerned with Naruto and Sasuke's dilemma.

Pein was still in the kitchen, feeding Mr. Snuggles some more cookies while he petted the pink, little bunny. His smile was so pure – so innocent, that he would only shed that sort of smile to his beloved bunny, and the person who even gave him Mr. Snuggles in the first place.

Itachi, of course, was using such a moment to his advantage. Pulling out a sleek, top of the edge, new black camera, he started to take various pictures at different angles of the teens on the floor. Not only that, but he even set some of the pictures to monotone or sepia just for the added affect. Of course, he had to get in a few shots of Deidara and Sasori getting it on – the customers would absolutely love to see some of that in the café's upcoming catalog.

However, after about ten or fifteen shots later, Itachi was getting pretty bored of this all. Along with the upcoming surge of boredom, he could feel something else tugging at the ends of his mind as his eyes landed upon the lovely and beckoning Cosplay closet of magical wonders.

Insert rainbow appearing above the door, now.

'I shouldn't,' but he was still walking step by step, slowly, towards that magical door. 'I don't need to do this,' but his hand was already grasping the cool metal door knob. 'Dammit, I thought I got over this…,' but obviously he hadn't since he was already stepping into the wonderful world of costumes galore. Gulping down his last reserve of common sense, he allowed himself, only a little, to gaze upon the many frilly dresses that hung from the hangers just ready to be put on!

"Itachi Uchiha, you are not going to put on a dress," he told himself but his hand was already clasped around tightly on a sky blue, maid dress. "Itachi Uchiha, you will _not _– you will not… - oh screw it all," he threw away his last piece of common sense as he started to strip of his own clothes and place that pretty blue dress on his own body.

'This will be fun…'

**Intermission!**

Fallen: Soooo… Um… Pein, wanna share some cookies with me? –smiles sweetly-

Pein: No, they're Mr. Snuggles cookies.

Fallen: But Peinnnnn~ I'm hungry, and I need to waste some space while I'm typing this so I can strike up some creativity! I can't make my magic on an empty stomach –whines-.

Pein: Well… you have to ask Mr. Snuggles. If he says yes, then you can have one.

Fallen: YUS! –turns to Mr. Snuggles- Mr. Snuggles, can I have a cookie!

(Five second pause).

Pein: Mr. Snuggles says no.

Fallen: WHAT THE HELL? No, I didn't hear that from the rabbit's mouth!

Pein: Are you saying Mr. Snuggles is a liar? –Glares-

Fallen: -nervous laughter- Whoa, is that a spark of creativity I'm feeling? Whoops, guess I won't need that cookie after all… haha… -runs-.

**Sorry For the Intermission…**

"Hey everybody, Tobi is back!" the orange-masked man cheered as he broke down the doors to the doors to the lovely café! He had gone off for a few weeks so he could learn more international recipes to share and use at the café. Now that his long, fulfilling, life changing journey is completed, he can now resume to his lovely life surrounded by Cosplay.

Every man's dream come true.

"What? No welcome back for – are Naru-chan and 'Suke kissing?" Tobi asked the obvious as his eyes landed upon the two boys that were _still _kissing. Seriously, how long has it been now? At least ten minutes – good thing they can breathe through their noses!

"Yeah, for about ten minutes or so, they're still going strong," Hidan smiled brightly at his friend, as he latched onto him in a great, big, hug. "Jeg har savnet deg, TOTO!" the purple-iris man wailed as he glomped Tobi as hard as he could – ignoring the protests and hilarious death threats he was getting from the masked man to get off of him.

"I'm glad at least _one _person missed Tobi," he turned to great the two newcomers that were staring at his mask quite bluntly in his opinion. "I'm guess you two are the new newbies?" the two just nodded their heads nonetheless. "AH! You're going to love it here! Tobi can't wait to have you two test out Tobi's new pastries!"

You would have to be one hell of an idiot to deny a chance to try out new desserts.

After getting that introduction out of the way, Tobi barely even glanced over at Deidara and Sasori – who were still going very strong – and turned his attention back to Hidan. "So, where's Tachi? I haven't seen him in three weeks and he isn't even here to greet me!" he pouted, but obviously no one was going to see it behind his mask, and let out a whining tone. "I feel so unloved!"

"Oh, that's easy, Weasel-san is –," he stopped short when he realized his beloved Weasel-san was nowhere to be found. "What the – where the hell did he go?" he looked frantically, left and right, for his lost love before something dawned on him. 'Oh no… don't tell me,' without another word, Hidan rushed off towards the Cosplay closet, ripped open the door – almost ripping it off it's hinges – and glared deeply at the man dressed in all blue from head to toe.

"Itachi Uchiha, what the fuck do you think you're doing?"

Itachi raised his head, the cigarette in his mouth dangling lifelessly at the edge of his lips as they curled into a smirk. Hidan was just the man he wanted to see, he was in the mood for a good lay anyways. Adjusting the blue and white ribbons that he tied into his hair, he gave Hidan his most beautiful, and drop-dead gorgeous, smile in his arsenal as he blew a puff of smoke into the air.

"Nice to see you too, Honey." His dress was just short enough that, if Hidan were to look (and he was), you could see just about everything that was underneath the dress – leaving absolutely nothing to the imagination. "By the way," Itachi blew another ring of smoke, "the name's ChiChi, honey, not Itachi."

Hidan just kept on glaring, even though his eyes were more directed on the lovely package underneath the dress, rather than staring at "ChiChi's" face where he _should _be directing that glare to. "How long have you been dressed like that?"

"Eh, about thirty minutes or so, I lost track of time."

"And how long have _you _been out, ChiChi?"

"Pffft, that's a stupid question to ask," Chichi flipped her long, black hair over her shoulders and flashed Hidan a suggestive smile. Actually, there really was no ChiChi at all, nothing so complicated and cliché as an alter ego that likes to cross dress in their free time. Itachi just had a fetish for all things frilly and dress like, and whenever he was bored, or highly tempted, he'd just pull on a dress and go about his day. Mind you though, it didn't happen very often – but a long time ago… well, that's always a story for another day!

Moving on, Itachi leaned back against the wall putting out his cigarette in the process. "You know, you'd look really hot in that blood red tutu. You should try it on, Honey."

"No, no… I don't think I will."

"Oh c'mon, Babe, haven't you ever wanted to try something daring?" chucking his unlit and smashed up cigarette away, Itachi sashayed over to Hidan, wrapping his long yet muscular arms around the man's neck. He pressed his lips against the side of Hidan's jaw line and gave it a quick nip before bringing those lips to Hidan's pierced ear. "Let yourself go and dress up with me!" Chichi nearly whined as he gave a gently nip to Hidan's ear.

'He's pushing it… he's fucking pushing it! Screw ChiChi to Hell, I am not, and will not – oh what the Hell? I've always wanted to try on those black fishnets in the back anyways…' depending on how you look at it, you could argue that Hidan was going along with his better judgment as he allowed Itachi to drag him away into the world of dresses and frills and a whole lot of make-up.

Let's just say… they stayed in that world for a few good hours.

Turning our direction towards a different couple – no you silly people, not Naruto and Sasuke for they are too shocked to be bothered at the moment – we look onwards towards Sasori and Deidara, who are happily basking in the afterglow of their much needed sex.

"I love you, Sari-chan, un!" Deidara nuzzled his face into the crook of Sasori's neck and gave it a warm kiss.

Sasori brought his blonde closer to his chest, so he could get more of a feeling from his blonde and bury his face into those beautiful, blonde locks of his. "I love you too," he replied softly as he placed a loving kiss on top of Deidara's head.

Aww, aren't those two just plain adorable? Makes you want to draw countless fanart and fanfiction of them, doesn't it?

"Ah, Sari-chan," Deidara suddenly jumped up, as if he was just struck with an epiphany. "We should go on a date today, un!" he ended his statement with a firm, yet excited, nod.

"Sure," Sasori smiled at his love's enthusiasm and kissed him passionately on the lips for a few minutes before drawing back to stare at Deidara's gorgeous face. "When do you want to go?"

"Right now, un!"

"Sounds good to me," Sasori quickly grabbed both their shirts, pants, undies, socks, any unopened condom packs, and their car keys before the two headed out the door. Before walking out though, Sasori looked back and called out for Tobi.

"Where are you guys going?" Tobi asked as was in the middle of spiking up Sai's hair. How the little raven got anywhere near those hyperactive fingers – he'd never know.

"Break," Sasori effortlessly lied to his co-worker.

"Oh okay – wait, hold on! It's not break time yet!"Ha, there is no such thing as break time here. Poor Tobi, the door was already closed and Sasori and his love were already making a beeline towards their car before the orange masked man could say anything. He stared dumbfounded for a minute but he quickly shook that off, it wasn't his money that was coming out of their paychecks – so who was he to care? Whistling a happy tune, Tobi resumed his work with Sai's hair.

Pein finally emerged from the kitchen with a huge smile on his face and a contented Mr. Snuggles safely cradled in his arms. At just about the same time, Itachi and Hidan decided to emerge from the closet as well. Each sporting fairly amusing expressions of their own – Itachi had the widest smirk imaginable and Hidan had on the biggest and goofiest grin on his face. You could say that both men were pleasingly satisfied with whatever shenanigans they got themselves into while they were in that closet…

Yeah… just let your imagination run while with that thought in mind.

"Ah, look, Sasuke and Ru has come up for air," Gaara pointed towards the blonde and the raven that were finally breaking apart. 'About damn time to,' the red-head glared daggers towards Sasuke, who looked like he was smiling down softly towards the blonde, stroking away a few stray pieces of blonde hair from his face.

"Aw, don't those two just make a lovely couple!" Hidan cooed, his mind's gears were churning and turning a mile a minute – just thinking of all the new, hot, yaoi-filled, situations he could place the two in! What absolute joy the mind of an insane cosplayer could be!

"Hn," Itachi nodded absentmindedly as he gave the room a quick scan, only to find out he was down two men. "Where are Sasori and Deidara?" he asked with a slight frown. Tsk tsk, Itachi, don't frown – they cause massive wrinkles.

"Oh! Sasori and Deidara told me they were going on their break!" Tobi smiled widely. He knew that any minute now, Itachi would flip his lid knowing the two had run off – yet again – to some unplanned sex rendezvous.

Itachi raised an eyebrow, "Break? There's no such thing as – oh hell no." biting his bottom lip in anger, Itachi quickly fished for his cell phone and started to angrily push random buttons on his cell phone pad. Placing the phone to his ear, he waited impatiently for the other end of the line to pick up. When he got no response, he growled and nearly chucked his phone at the wall.

"No response?" Pein asked nonchalantly, playing with Mr. Snuggles ears yet again.

"I'm going to rip off their dicks and shove them up their asses! Then I'm going to laugh hysterically as they suffer and cower in fright as I take off each and every penny out of their paycheck," he grinned maniacally. A red tint flashed over his eyes and the whole room dropped about thirty degrees. Everyone seemed unfazed – especially the blonde and the raven because they were pretty much in a world of their own – from Itachi's suddenly twisted, and cruel, threatening demeanor.

Not like that was anything new, anyways.

"Gosh dammit, Weasel-san you're so hot when you get all evil!" Hidan cooed once more as his knees started to turn to jelly.

Yeah… Hidan was one weird man – but you have to admit… he's got a point.

* * *

There you have it folks :D Itachi is a crossdresser named ChiChi and everything else you knew about this story is a lie!

No... I merely kid about the last part.

Anywho. Sorry if this chapter rambles, I'm just so excited to work on chapter ten that I wanted to get chapter nine out as soon as possible :D!

**Next time on ACC - Closets Can be So Kinky**

**Summary: Naruto and Sasuke get trapped in the Cosplay closet. Let your imagination run free ;D.**

Till next time :D Peace & Love - Fallen~.


	10. Closets can be so Kinky

My lurvely readers, welcome back to Akastuki Cosplay Cafe :D! In this lovely episode, we build up to the wonderful scene you've all been waiting for - THE CLOSET! So just bear with me till then, and your kinky closet scene will come :D.

Thank you all for the reviews, story alerts, and favorites - I love them all uberly! :3

Now on to the warnings - EH?

**WARNING, IF YOU DON'T READ THIS YOU'RE SCREWED - NUFF SAID: Sasori and Deidara are just sexually bunnies on the prowl. We skip ahead two weeks. ACTUAL SMUT HAPPENS IN THIS CHAPTER! You can't say I never warned you (:, however, I will indicate where the smut starts and ends in this chapter, and if you would like me to do that for future chapters - just tell me. If not, I'll just let the readers read :D.I'm sorry, but I don't break the fourth wall this time - next chapter I'll make up for it ;D.**

**And finally... Eh, just read and be amazed.**

Italics represent the conversation between Naruto and Sasuke early on, then later Italics stand for the conversation between two characters - you'll see what I'm babbling about ;D

Read & Enjoy! :D.

* * *

**Akatsuki Cosplay Café**

**Chapter Ten: Closets can be so Kinky**

"Sasori, Deidara, since you two find it worth your while to ditch work just so you can go off and have sex; I am banning the two of you from banging in my store for two whole years." Itachi glared slits at his two, mate-like-bunnies, idiot workers that were sitting right across from him, completely ignoring his threat.

Now normally, you would think one would start to pee his pants in fear after receiving the rumored death glare for Itachi. But one can only presume that, by the way Deidara and Sasori were still groping at each other, giving the occasional eye roll or scoff towards the older ravens way – they could honestly care less about it all.

Either that, or they had one hell of a death wish - and Itachi had the Death Note to make it true. A.K.A: His notepad!

"I love how you think that banning us from sex for two years is going to change anything, Itachi." Sasori commented with an air of nonchalance as if his hand was not even on Deidara's crotch at the moment – which it was.

"Oi, Tachi~" Deidara cried from his, very sensual, spot on top of Sasori's. Hands mindlessly playing with the bright red tresses of his lover's hair. He gave Itachi a goofy grin that held more sexual innuendos than you could count. "If Sari and I can't have physical sex, can we do it over the phone then?"

"As long as it doesn't get my - wait, what?" Itachi raised an eyebrow at the sudden, inappropriate, question. His normally cool and calm demeanor cracked for that slight fraction of a second. Leave it to Sasori and Deidara to shatter Itachi's mask of sexy indifference. "What in God's name makes you think I want you to have sex over the phone?"

"Because it's kinky?" Deidara raised an eyebrow.

"Because it's fun?" Sasori added in his own quirked eyebrow as well.

"Because it's basically the safest form of sex?"

"No, Deidara, actually the safest form of sex is abstinence." Itachi tried his best to remain bored in this situation - but that was proving to be very difficult now.

"That may as well be true, but I sure as Hell don't practice such a thing." The redhead placed small kisses along the blonde's neck, causing Deidara to moan while Itachi's glare just kept on increasing and increasing… and increasing.

Oh yeah, they were most definitely going in the Death Notepad of Doom.

And jeez, Itachi, haven't you heard that glaring causes higher spikes in your blood pressure?

"It's super easy, Tachi! You just _have_ to try it, un!" Deidara beamed proudly towards his higher-up. Fishing through his front pocket, he pulled out his android cellphone - apparently, working at a Cosplay Café pays you _very_ well. "If you don't believe us, we could always _show _you the wonders of phone sex."

"What a brilliant idea, my love." Sasori agreed, his smirk ever widening as he fished out his own cell phone.

By now, the older raven's blood pressure was through the roof and he could most certainly feel his eye starting to go into spasms. "No. No, no, no. I'd rather _not _see you two have phone sex," Itachi replied with a growl, but sadly, it was already too late. Sasori and Deidara were already caught up in their sexual activities for the day.

The moans from Deidara, followed along by the obvious couch rocking that was supposed to represent - well… yeah - were giving the older raven one hell of a headache.

"A-Ahh, Sari it feels so good!"

"Moan for me louder, Babe. I want to hear your voice reverberate through the speakers - the sounds go straight to my -"

"-ENOUGH!" Itachi threw his holier-than-thou sketchpad on the floor, his last few bars of sanity were rapidly plummeting to the ground.

About time, though.

"What? Did we rock the couch too hard?" Deidara grinned madly, "Or maybe you wanted to join us in our phone sex escapades?" he waggled his eyebrows suggestively at the fuming raven. Oh my, Deidara when are you ever going to learn? When are you ever going to realize that fueling Itachi's anger more than necessary will result in you losing a very important part of your male anatomy?

Apparently never at this rate - ohhhh well… moving on.

"You know, if you ever wanted to try it out we could get Hidan involved as well," the redhead casually leaned back on the couch and started to thread his fingers through Deidara's hair again. Did you know that this whole time Sasori's hand never left Deidara's crotch? Must be a hormone thing…

"Oh, brilliant idea, Sari! Hidan's always up for new things!" Deidara cocked his head to the side and grinned lazily towards the still fuming raven. "A little tidbit of information for yah: When you're going to have phone sex, you have to act like it's really happening! So don't be afraid to get really kinky and make those moans come from the diaphragm!"

"And tissues, don't forget to always have at least three boxes of tissues nearby," Sasori added in, once again, very casually.

Itachi gazed at his two workers with complete and utter astonishment. 'Did I seriously hire these two idiots…?'He thought as he rubbed his temples soothingly in circles. Even though, if you really thought about it, you could say that the majority of the customers stopped by the café just to see two hot guys getting it on - for a mere fee of $36.69! Thinking more about the, limited, but highly effective benefits of the pair, Itachi's anger dwindled down - slightly.

"Just go check on the inventory in the Cosplay Closet and get out of my sight before I make it _very _difficult for you two to do your job."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're getting on it, Tachi, un." Deidara lazily waved his hand; effectively waving off the older raven's threat like it meant nothing at all. Which honestly it probably didn't since the pair were probably getting warnings like that all the time. Leaving Itachi with a grin, the taller blonde grabbed his partner by the hand and dragged him off towards the magical closet of wonders.

Insert magical rainbow appearing over closet door, and pretty music.

"And don't you fucking dare touch the metal chains and whips! They're meant for next week's theme!"

"Aww, you're no fun, Tachi!" Deidara whined, even though he had every intention to use the chains and whips to their hearts contents.

Don't you just love having workers that listen to every single thing you say?

"I swear, if I see one metal chain out of place…" Itachi mumbled to himself, a new headache was already rearing its ugly fangs and gripping onto his skull. Bending down to pick up his notebook, he winced slightly at the new throbbing pain that was splitting through his head. "Those two are going to make me overdose…"

"Weasel-san, I thought you stopped the drugs!" Hidan, Itachi's "knight in shining armor" - even though Itachi might have said otherwise - appeared to help his fallen lover up. Aww, what a true and honorable man you are, Hidan. That or he was looking for sex - either one worked in this situation.

"No, Hidan, not drugs. I meant my damned medication," Itachi leaned against his lover and idly played with the buttons on Hidan's jacket. "Is there something that you wanted?" he asked raising a tired eyebrow.

Oh God, the insane grin full of happiness could have sent any former military sergeant peeing in his pants - due to absolute fear! Yes, Hidan's "I've done something" face was quite a terror to behold.

Ha… you could probably make a whole movie with nothing but Hidan's "I've done something" face playing for about two hours and thirty minutes. If it doesn't scare the living rainbow out of you - you would at least get your money's worth out of staring at a good-looking person's face for two hours.

"Weasel-san, you'll be begging to kiss my feet after you hear this!" Yeah… highly unlikely to happen, but a person could dream couldn't he?

"Continue," Itachi said almost wearily. On the other hand, maybe it was just his overall stressed out demeanor that made the word seem weary.

"I've gotten Blondie and Lil' Raven to talk! You may now commence with the feet kissing, thank you," Hidan stuck out his foot, shaking it around for good measure while he winked at his raven - only to receive a cold glare and shove that resulted in him landing on his ass. Poor Hidan, no feet kiss for you.

"Curiosity over powers my annoyance that I'm currently holding back on you. So humor me, Hidan, how did you manage to get the two imbeciles to converse?" Itachi leaned against the armrest - not even bothering to sit on the couch that has probably been abused more than once by our lovely redhead and his blonde. Folding his arms across his chest, and biting back every curse word in the book he could throw out at his throbbing headache, he gave Hidan a bored expression. "Well?"

"Listen, and be amazed!" Hidan searched through his jacket, his shirt, then finally - the smartest place to look - his back pocket, he pulled out a tiny little tape recorder with cute little stickers adorned on its side proclaiming the wonderful benefits of Jashin!

Buy one Jashin sticker; get the other one free - what a steal!

"What in the world-" Itachi began but was automatically shushed by Hidan. Oh no, was that the sound of another vein popping? Jeez, Itachi might as well consider you one of the walking dead by now.

"_Ah, H-Hi, Naruto." *random foot shuffle*_

"_SASUKE!" *squeaky voice that shows that someone is lacking masculinity* "I mean…, yo."_

Smoooth….

"Hidan, I repeat: What the -" No, no, no, Itachi - we can't have you trying to interrupt the recording again! Hence, the always-considerate Hidan loudly shushed him.

"_You look…," *obvious pause* "nice." *obvious sexual innuendo laced in-between*_

"_You too." _

_*Awkward pause that lasts ten minutes - no lie*_

"Hidan, what the fuck-"

"Shuuuushhhhh!" Hidan's spit when flying everywhere from his shushing, and Itachi was lucky enough to get a little shower from the hush.

'That's it, I'm making you number three on my hit list - right after Sasori and Deidara who share number two.' They only share number two because Itachi couldn't decide which one he wanted to kill more - go figure.

However, who, you ask, shares the privilege of being number one on Itachi's List of Hits? Hmm… you will all find out another day. Moving right along then…

"_Naruto! (Sasuke!)" *obvious unison*_

"_Uhh, you go first, Sasuke."_

"_No, you go first, Naruto."_

"_I insist, Teme, I want you to go first!"_

"_No, Dobe, I'm giving you the right to go first - so go first!"_

"_But I don't want to go first!" *Whineeee*_

"_Well neither do I!" *Stubborn*_

"_Ladies fist, Teme!" *Hits the raven right in his pride*_

"_Age before beauty, Dobe!" *Hits the blonde right in his… is it in his stomach? Nah, right in his pride*_

"_If the shoe fits!"_

"_My shoe is actually a size bigger today than it should be…"_

_*Touché*_

"Hidan, where is this going? I have -"

"-It's coming!" Once again, Hidan rudely interrupted Itachi. The older raven was holding back on ripping that voice recorder out of the silver haired man's hand and laugh as it breaks into a million tiny, black pieces.

He might even stab Sasori or Deidara in the chest a couple of times for good measure - of course that would only happen if this were a horror fanfic.

'_You're an idiot." *The blonde mumbles something incoherent*_

"_Takes one to know one, doesn't it?" _

_*You don't even have to be there to see Sasuke's smirk - you could very well feel it*_

"_That's it; you're going down, Teme! Put up your mother fucking dukes, Bitch!"_

_*EPIC FIFTEEN SECOND FIGHT SEQUENCE!*_

"_Blonde, Lil' Raven, glad to see that you two have gone back to normal"_

Hidan smirked proudly when he heard his voice come on the recorder - it was finally his time to shine, fuck up, and laugh about it proudly!

"_Get your fucking arm off me. I'm going to punch him!" *Sounds of a struggle*_

"_No can do, Blondie. We need Lil' Raven's face all pretty and unscathed for the women today. Afterwards, then you can beat the crap out of him." *You can literally feel his cheesy grin*_

"_I. Hate. You. So much." *Epic pout and glare from a blonde!*_

'_Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like I haven't heard that one before." *sounds of something being exchanged.* "We can't waste too much time - Itachi's probably deducting money from my paycheck as we speak! So quickly, I want you two to go over your lines."_

"_Right now?" *Do you hear that? That's the sound of a sexy eyebrow being raised*_

"_No, next year." *Eye roll* "Yes right now, Lil' Raven! Your slowness is my money being subtracted from my pay!"_

_*Sighs from both teens*_

"_Ru, you're so tight…" *You can hear the crackling of skin come alive from a rampaging blush*_

"_Ah, you-you're going so hard - AH!" *Oh, Blondie's catching a blush himself*_

"_Just a little while longer." *Sexy grunt* 'I-I'm almost-"_

"_Ah! So hot - WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?" *The paper is on the ground now - you really didn't have to throw that, Naruto* _

"_NARUTO, YOU NEVER INTERRUPT IN THE MIDDLE OF A CLIMAX - NEVER!" *Hidan is a scolding bitch, he is*_

"_No, screw this! I am not working with this Teme and I sure as hell am not going to make fake sex sounds!"_

"_If you feel awkward, you guys could do it over the phone."_

"_NO!" *said in unison*_

_*Sasuke says something that is muffled, but they obviously can't be lady like*_

_*Naruto curses up one hell of a storm*_

_*The two both stomp off in form of rage confused with awkward love*_

Hidan pressed the "Stop" button on his tape recorder. His whole face was glowing with a feeling that he had done a very good job in getting the two to interact with one another. (Yeah, he basically had no involvement in that whatsoever). Looking over at his lover eagerly, obviously waiting for some sort of reward for his achievements, Itachi gave him nothing but a cold hard glare.

"You're an idiot," he deadpanned.

"Wow Itachi, I knew you were never one to be friendly, but the least you could do is give me a kiss for a job well done!" Hidan whined, giving his love his most decent puppy eyes. Itachi's cold glare cut those things down to size - they didn't even stand a chance.

"Not only did you have no involvement in the two interacting, you also made their situation even worse than it was before!" Itachi growled, not from anger but more from the fact that the recent increase of his voice caused his headache to pound at his head even more - kind of like those sale's reps that keep knocking at your door so they can sell you those tiny little crappy shampoos or other products you don't really need.

Yeah, you know which one I'm talking about.

"It's not my fault Naruto has a short fuse," Honestly, Hidan, I think everyone would blow a fuse if they were forced to act out a sex scene with the person they were currently having an awkward situation which.

Itachi just sighed, holding his throbbing head in his hands and cursing himself for not putting his pills in his pockets before hand. "Do you know where they are now?" he asked in a very exasperated tone.

"Well, Naruto's being coddled by Gaara at the moment over there," he pointed over to the corner where Naruto was, in fact, sitting in the lap of an overly pleased Gaara while he told out his sob story. Obviously, Gaara was enjoying this predicament - more Naruto for him, less Sasuke for the rest of the world. It was scary how much Itachi saw Deidara and Sasori out of the two - only they didn't fuck anytime they got the chance.

"And my Otouto? Where is he?"

"Oh, Sai's currently groping him for all he was worth over there," Hidan once again pointed his thumb over to the opposite corner to where Naruto and Gaara was and of course, there Sasuke was. The younger raven was obviously brooding over something - most likely the fact that Naruto was in the arms of another and he didn't understand why he was feeling so jealous over it - while Sai took it as his chance to make his moves on the raven.

You gotta love that Sai; cool kid, he is.

"Hidan, if you manage to do this one thing right for me - I'll take you out on a date tonight." Itachi continually rubbed his temples, only to be interrupted by Hidan who replaced the raven's own pale appendages for his own. Itachi calmed down reasonably, enjoying the soothing motion of Hidan's fingers moving circles against his skin - his headache was already toning down considerably.

"Sure, anything for you, Weasel-san." Hidan placed a quick kiss on Itachi's forehead. They could be so cute at random times of they day when Itachi wasn't currently going at Hidan's throat.

"Bring the two idiots to the Cosplay Closet in thirty minutes - I've got a plan"

+Akatsuki Cosplay Café+

"Welcome to the Cosplay Closet. This will be your lovely new home for the remainder of the day." Itachi replied as cheerily as one Uchiha could. You have to realize, that you could never really put the words "cheerful" and "Uchiha" together without receiving a cold glare from the ravens. But of course, for the sake of business, Itachi had to become _very _friendly with the word.

What a fun and life changing experience that was.

"It used to be called the Closet of Kinks back in the day," Hidan added in absentmindedly. He was always the sort of guy that felt like he should add in a fun fact about random things every once in a while.

"I could really care less about whatever messed up name you gave to a closet," Sasuke was getting more or less annoyed with the situation. First of all, he was forcibly removed from his corner of brooding, only to be told that he would have to house in a closet of Cosplay with the exact same blonde he was brooding over not so long ago!

Why is the world so cruel at times?

"Ah, ah, ah," Hidan wagged a nagging finger a the raven, who irritably slapped it away. "The question you should be asking here is: 'Oh, Hidan, why did you change the name of this wonderful closet?'"

"But we don't care why you changed the name!" Naruto blurted out. He was pretty much in the same mood as Sasuke was at the moment.

"Oh, silly children. You must first seek to understand before you seek to be understood." Hidan gained the air of a wise old monk that teenagers and parents scoff at because of his ridiculous attitude.

"What does that have to do with anything!" Sasuke was just about ready to deliver another blow to the man's crotch if things kept on going like this! And don't think he wouldn't do it - because he would! Sasuke's a wild teenager on the loose!

Anyways…

"I said ask the question, dammit!" Hidan snarled.

"Alright, alright. Why did you change the name of this damned closet?" Naruto asked nearly exasperated.

"That's a great question, Blondie!" Hidan grinned from ear to ear as he started to explain the wonderful, and quite short, history of the closet. "Before, about 99.9% of the women who come here tried to drag us into that closet at least once a day - twice if you were looking really good, and feeling very unlucky, that day."

"That and the fact that Sasori and Deidara were always having sex in here. I'd rather have my horny bunnies fucking in public - at least we'd make money that way." Itachi added in bluntly, adjusting with the strap of his suspenders.

"TAAACHIII!" Deidara cried from inside of the closet. Good God, that boy was most definitely a screamer! "Where's the dark blue vibrator and leather whip set again?"

"In my office," Itachi replied calmly. Hidan looked barely phased from the question, but Naruto and Sasuke were going into squeamish fits! You'd think that after a month of working at the café - they'd be used to all of this by now.

"YOU MOVED THE TOYS?" Deidara almost whined from the other side of the door.

"Of course I moved the toys. First of all, I blatantly banned you from having sex in my café. Second of all, I warned you about using the metal chains - which I know you are using because I can here them clinking away over there! And lastly, you children never clean up after yourselves. Thus, I took the appropriate action and confiscated the toys." Itachi said all of this, calm, cool, and composed as he jotted some things down in his notebook - most likely all the money that was going to be subtracted from their pay.

"You're a monster…" Deidara muttered loud enough for the older raven to hear. Itachi just shrugged it off carelessly and opened the door, revealing two, very exposed, workers.

"Hey there," Sasori waved a casual hand at the four, two calm, two blushing, group before them. It's always natural to see people walk in on you while your lover was riding on top of you lewdly - what's more normal than that?

Nothing, that's what - well, that's what in the minds of Sasori and Deidara anyways.

Yeah, they're a weird pair; those two.

"Did I not just tell you an hour ago that you were _banned _from having sex in my café?" Itachi was about ready to snap his pencil in half due to anger. Of course, this is where Hidan steps in so he can help calm down the older raven's nerves - slightly.

Were all his threats being brushed off today by these two?

"You guys still have sex in here?" Naruto asked dumbfounded, even though he really shouldn't have been surprised by this at all. Over the past month, Naruto and Sasuke had walked into Sasori and Deidara doing it so many times - they practically knew every sex position by the book.

"Blondie, me and Deidara have sex _every_where." Sasori replied calmly as he lifted his hips upward to make Deidara throw his head back and moan.

…Good point.

"Ugh, just finish up here before I completely lose it," Itachi groaned, rubbing his throbbing temples once again as he leaned his head against Hidan's chest.

Even though you could hold up a valid argument that Itachi had already lost it a long time ago - but that's pretty sexy in a way.

+Akatsuki Cosplay Café - Now with less Fourth Wall Breaks! Ha… that was a lie+

After a lot of coaxing, cursing, the occasional slap to the rump, Naruto and Sasuke were safely locked - even though the raven and blonde would say they were trapped - inside the Cosplay Closet of wonders! Funny how this little closet has so many names. It just urges and grips at you to wonder: Why is this closet so wonderful!

Well, let's hope this enlightens you all somewhat. You see, the closet is basically one, big, walk-in closet with a full-length mirror that houses all of the café's costumes, make-up, the accessories to go with the outfit, sex toys for personal and working affairs, and of course the almighty Cosplay Café Playbook... of wonders.

This would be the time where you bow down before the majestic door - but that would just be plain silly.

So, the two sat in complete awkward silence. It was heavy, lying on their shoulders and causing them to fidget every once in a while. Someone would finally grown a left pair and try to strike up conversation, only to get lost or distracted by something else.

For example, Naruto was going to start talking about how Deidara and Sasori should really find an actual hobby rather than fucking the living rainbow colors out of each other. The words were almost out of his mouth, dancing along his tongue, until his bright blue eyes landed on those captivating onyx eyes.

'They're beautiful,' he thought, unconsciously leaning forward to get a closer look.

"Dobe, what do you think you're doing?" Sasuke casually raised an eyebrow, but his insides were doing summersaults, back-flips, handstands - all that circus jazz - that it was an absolute wonder that he kept his voice so calm.

"N-Nothing, Teme, you just had something on your face! Don't get too cocky," Naruto scoffed, scooted away, and harrumphed in fake contempt.

Yeah… you're not fooling anyone, Blondie.

More and more awkward silence, more and more boredom. Never, ever, had the Cosplay Closet of mystical kinkiness experienced such a thing as boredom! The closet was starting to get pretty miffed at all of this. If they're not going to try on clothes, or even get it on, then something must be wrong with the duo! So of course, fate, and the magical Cosplay Closet of delicious awesomeness had to take matters into their own hands!

'Wow, actual manga!' Naruto did a little happy dance in his mind as he hummed a joyful tune. Without even bothering to look at the cover - or read the back for that matter - the blonde started to flip through the pages, ending at one spot where the two main characters were currently in the midst of a talk.

'_No, I'm sick and tired of this, Seji! How can you expect me to be happy when I don't even know what we are! We're friends, but we're more than that yett you do nothing to establish that connection! You have all the balls in the world to kiss me in public, but once we're at school you act like I don't even exist! Don't even fucking go around and start saying 'I love you'! It's bull crap, utter bull crap!'_

'Wow… seems pretty intense,' No duh, Naruto-kun. Flipping once more through the pages, Naruto's keen little blue eyes landed onto a page where the two main characters were lying on a bed. Only thing was, the guy that used to be biting off the dude's head was now spreading his legs wide and proud - begging for entrance.

'_Ah, Seji, I want you inside of me!'_

'_As you wish, my love.'_

Cue insane hard-on and a raging nose bleed from our wonderful blonde.

"WHAT THE HELL IS THIS!" Naruto threw the manga towards the wall, the poor little book connected with a loud thud before dropping to the floor lifelessly. Our little blondie kills books…

"Why are you yell - Naruto, do you know you have a hard-on right now?" Sasuke couldn't help himself, or his raging curiosity, and against his better judgment his eyes landed upon the nicely pitched tent that was Naruto's dick.

"Shut up, don't look, Teme!" The blonde was horribly flustered. Not only did he just get hard reading a yaoi scene, he also had to sit through Sasuke's blunt staring! 'Yes, Sasuke, I have a fucking hard-on, yippie! Now can you please stop staring? Oh God, this is so embarrassing…'

But strangely erotic, eh?

"Naruto…," Sasuke's breath played against the blonde's exposed ears, sending jolts and shivers to all the right places. "What did you just read?"

"N-Nothing… Sasu," Naruto mumbled, hoping that the pet name would had it's hopeful affect - sadly, you are screwed, Blondie.

"Nothing my ass, Naru. I'm pretty sure whatever you were reading was erotic enough to produce that," he pointed at the Mt. Naruto - it's a natural landmark that erupts every 5 - 10 minutes. Please, no flash photography. "Tell me before I pin you done to the ground."

"No, I'm not telling! You can't make me, you can't make me, you can't freaking - Oh screw it all to Hell," Naruto, against his will, was now forced underneath a smirking raven. Arms pinned at his side, and a raging hard-on rubbing against Sasuke's inner thigh - Naruto felt like he was going to melt into a pool of… pleasure, perhaps? Or maybe just melt from the sheer amount of embarrassment from all of this.

"Naru," Sasuke's calm voice reverberated through his ears, his chest, his heart. "what happened to us?"

"What do you mean?" Naruto was highly confused. There were so many things that happened to them over the span of a month that the blonde couldn't narrow it down to one simple thing! That was like trying to summarize an encyclopedia in five paragraphs!

"I mean this, Naruto. We're best friends, yet we're acting so awkward with each other. Do you really think that was the first time we've kissed?" when his question received a rather slow head shake from the blonde, he continued, "Then why is it that, now, we can't even look each other in the eye! It's ridiculous, Naruto! I liked the kiss so damn much, yet -"

"-Wait, you liked the kiss?" Naruto could feel his heartbeat speed up just a little bit faster than normal. All the blood was being pumped to various places of the blonde's body- like Mt. Naruto for example; that thing was going strong. "You never told me… that you liked it."

"Because it was so, so-"

"-Awkward?" Naruto finished with a lopsided grin.

"Exactly," Sasuke replied with a small grin of his own. "I don't know why but this time was just… different, from the rest. It could have been because prior to said kiss we were cuddling like mad, or maybe it was because I was so pissed off that Gaara was hanging all over you like some sort of… leech." he grimaced at the thought - how dare that redhead snuggle with his blonde! Yes, that's right, Sasuke was now somewhat in tune with his feelings enough to state the blonde as his.

That or maybe it came about because Naruto's hard-on was still pressed against his inner thigh.

"Pffft, I never would have thought," Naruto said with an eye roll, laughing at the scowl that played across Sasuke's face. Only to have that laugh turn into a surprised yelp when Sasuke grounded his hips into his. Oh God, the friction felt absolutely amazing to the blonde! But, he'd never admit that aloud… yet.

"This position could work out very well for me," Sasuke's smirked just increased at the expanding blush that was spreading across Naruto's face like wildfire. "Now then, where was I? Oh right," the raven leaned his head forward, until it was resting atop of Naruto's own. "I know this sounds out there but, the kiss we shared, it sent a spark all through out my body. I started thinking how beautiful your eyes are, and how your body fits so well against mine. Maybe, I was acting so distant the past two weeks because I didn't know how to handle the situation… but now I do."

"Sasuke, wait, before you say anything… I have something to say as well." the blonde took a deep breath, calming down his nerves and praying to God this would come out right since he still had that hard-on up and ready for action. Sasuke's breath against his skin wasn't helping him out much either. "First off, I have a hard-on right now and your body on top of mine really isn't helping the situation out here - thought I'd share that first." Sasuke just rolled his eyes and scoffed, but allowed Naruto to continue anyways. "Second of all," Naruto laced is fingers through Sasuke's hair, stroking it every once in awhile - enjoying the feel of those silky black tresses. "the kiss we shared - was great! Better than great - it was amazing! I probably felt so awkward because it was so weird - kissing my best friend and it feeling so… right, you know?"

He smiled softly as his hands continued to stroke Sasuke's hair, "I will admit, I do flirt with Gaara to get you jealous."

"I knew it!" Sasuke grinned playfully - a grin he would only show to no one other than Naruto.

"Of course you did," Naruto rolled his eyes again before continuing, "But anyways, I always mistook the jealously for like, hunger or something - I never really paid any attention to it. Actually no, I normally went out for ramen, devoured like five, ten bowls maybe - they were really good by the way, and -" Naruto was broken off from his ramblings when a pair of warm lips graced his own.

The kiss was wonderful, simple - and sorry, not as comical - like the last time. It sent sparks, shivers, excitement to every single cell of their body - they felt like they could explode! Naruto, of course, in more ways than one. When they finally came up for air, Sasuke wore a mighty smirk on his face and Naruto just pouted.

"You're so cute when you ramble," the raven placed a chaste kiss against the blonde's forehead.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah… I was going to finish sooner or later!"

"Knowing you, Dobe, you'd probably end up doing the latter rather than the former," Sasuke leaned back a little so he could clearly inspect every inch of the blonde's face. The fox-like whiskers that adorned either side of his cheeks, his beautifully tanned skin, the hard-on that was rubbing hungrily against the raven's thigh - it wasn't anywhere on his face, Sasuke knows that very well, but it was a _definite _matter that needed to be presented - and those eyes, those gorgeous blue eyes.

If it wasn't against everything the Uchiha family stood for - Sasuke would have happily allowed himself to drown in those blue eyes.

"And if you were going to finish your rambles later… I would never get the chance to say this."

"Say what, Sasu?" Naruto's eyes shined with eagerness and childlike innocence - like when the kid is so excited to open Christmas presents they almost pee themselves. The only difference was - Naruto wasn't really going to pee himself in eagerness at the moment…

"Naruto, I like you."

The blonde's eyes widened for a few seconds, before dimming down while his lips curved into a smile, "I like you too, Sasuke." Yes, they said like - not love. It's too early for love, too fresh, too new. Like all plants, we must allow them to grow and bloom into beautiful little flowers.

***This is where the smut happens ;D***

Sasuke smirked returned as his fingers danced across the clothed torso of his new boyfriend. "What are we going to do with this hard-on, hmm?" his fingers ghosted across the blonde's confined member as they playfully tugged at the zipper.

Naruto's hips unconsciously bucked into the touch - obviously wanting more - while the blonde took a more, frantic, approach to the matter. "Sasuke, what the fuck are you doing!"

"Dobe, don't struggle - I'm just going to make you feel good," the raven shrugged like it was no big deal. Screw being nervous, ever since he pinned the blonde down he wanted to grab onto that pulsating flesh that was teasing him - rubbing against his thigh! He was going to fulfill his last-minute perverted fantasies even if he had to chain Naruto to a pole!

Funny how Sasuke's eyes landed on a pair of metal wrist chains… interesting indeed.

"Teme, what the fuck are you doing to my hands!" Naruto struggled against the cool metal chains that imprisoned his wrists, growling in frustration when it seemed like they weren't going to be removed anytime soon.

Funny how Naruto was getting even more turned on by these metal chains… interesting indeed.

"Don't talk," Sasuke's cool hand dipped beneath Naruto's waistline - plunging into unknown territory. Naruto gasped at the new, and highly arousing, sensation that just a mere brush from Sasuke's fingers could create. "Just feel," the raven's lips pressed against the blonde's ears, whispering sensually into the reddening flesh.

Slowly, the raven's hands rubbed up and down the blonde's leaking shaft, stopping at the top to rub small circles at the tip. Each buck of the hip, each moan and whimper, every time Naruto's hands would pull at Sasuke's hair just encouraged the raven to keep on going, but really who would stop in such a situation?

His fingers teased with Naruto's fruit at the bottom of his tree, enjoying the low groan that escaped Naruto's lips and went right to Sasuke's own groin. After a couple more teases, his fingers went to quick work, playing with Naruto's twitching and leaking shaft, stroking up and down, rubbing circles and giving small squeezes.

The blonde couldn't take it anymore, throwing his head into Sasuke's collar bone, he bit onto his lower lip to hold back the moan from escaping as he climaxed into the raven's hands. His body trembled from the aftershocks of the pleasure, and he felt his body go limp as his heart kept on pounding and pounding in his ears.

***Aww, the smut's over - no fun! D:***

Sasuke unlatched the blonde's wrists from his captor and brought Naruto into his chest, kissing the blonde's head gently. "Oh look, hand wipes - very convenient indeed." the raven chuckled to himself as he quickly wiped off Naruto's essence from his hands. 'This closet certainly did live up to its past names - not only did I obtain Naruto, I gave him a hand job too… this seems a little bit too perfect.'

"That felt really good," Naruto mumbled, face still flushed from their earlier activities and new shyness.

The raven chuckled and placed a soft kiss on Naruto's warm, awaiting lips. "Glad you liked it," For now, who could give a fuck if all of this was planned by his older brother and lackeys? In all honesty, he should probably give his brother the biggest, and probably the most awkward, hug of his life - and bragging rights for whenever something goes in Itachi's favor - when they got out of there.

Not like they were in any rush of course.

"Things seemed to have gone well," Itachi stated calmly, scratching notes here and there in his notebook with a pleased look on his face. You could say that Itachi had planned this from the beginning - sending the two horny bunnies to the closet to "check inventory", sending Hidan to the, used-to-be-awkward, blonde and raven to make things even more turbulent between them. Only to force them into the closet where the two horny bunnies, after they finished having sex, planted the necessary ingredients that would be in Sasuke and Naruto's line of vision when the time came.

And then again, you could just rejoice that something smutty with detail finally happened between Sasu-chan and Naru-chan.

"How you do it, I'll never know, Weasel-san," Hidan laughed, smiling at his happy-looking lover. He loved it when his raven easily smiled - it made his heart feel so much lighter.

"It's just a gift I suppose," Itachi shrugged before grabbing his love by the arm. "Speaking of gifts, there's still the matter of yours, Hidan." he flashed the man a brilliant, Uchiha-like, smile. "Where would you like to go for dinner?"

"Oh, I wanna try out that new restaurant that just opened up that week! I heard they had the most amazing view."

"If that's where you want to go, then so be it," Itachi started to walk towards his office where his coat and car keys were.

"Wait, Weasel-san! What about Blondie and Lil' Raven?" Hidan jogged up until he was walking side by side with Itachi, "They're still in the closet."

"Eh," Itachi passed a bored glance over towards the door, "there should be some food in there… maybe," he shrugged carelessly. "Come on, let's go get some dinner."

* * *

Was my smut scene okay? I sure hope it was!

Are Naruto's and Sasuke's relationship moving too fast? Hmm, well, the feelings were always there - they were just too stupid to act upon them! So this just means... there will be a wonderful backstory to their relationship in future chapters ;D

Speaking of future chapters...

**NEXT TIME ON THE MIGHT MORPHIN POWER RANGERS! Ha... I kid... this is Naruto, sillys.**

**CHAPTER ELEVEN: Mission Impossible-ly Screwed!**

**Summary: OH NO! Is that a new cafe lurking around? Send in the Akatsuki Spies to snuff out the competition!**

Thank you all for reading, hope you enjoyed chapter ten!:D Till next time~

Peace, Love, Buttercups, Jellyfishes - Fallen~


	11. Mission Impossiblely Screwed!

This was like 16 pages when I typed it up and it took me all Friday afternoon into Saturday Afternoon (I slept inbetweened and went shopping - no worries) to type this up for you all!

If that's not love, then I don't know what is.

So, Mission Impossible-ly Screwed doesn't happen right away because I believe that one must build up for the unexpected o.o. If you get confused by the mission I'll explain more about it at the bottom.

Next chapter, I'll reply to reviews and what not, but thank you one and all for your Reviews/Added to Favorites/Story Alerts - you all make me wanna get up and do a happy dance! And when I happy dance the creativity flows :3.

**WARNING: New Characters! Mr. Snuggles has competition! Sabatoge! Rambles - maybe o.o. Stuff that's so funny you might twinkle a little. And no, not as much smut/ SasuNaru because this chapter was more focused on comedy this time, but in times to come more SasuNaru will appear so please stick with me :3. I break the fourth wall TWICE!**

Now then, what are you waiting for!

Read and Enjoy (:

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**Akatsuki Cosplay Café**

**Chapter 11: Mission Impossible-ly Screwed**

"Um, Itachi, tell me again why I'm dressed up as the skanky version of Mrs. Santa Clause with my own set of bondage chains?" Naruto lifted the metal chain that was connecting him to his "master", Sasuke. The blonde couldn't really wrap his brain around the thought of combining two, very contradicting themes for a whole week.

First of all it wasn't even Christmas! They were well into January by now, so the whole Kinky Santa thing was just a little bit too weird for the blonde's taste. That and something as innocent as Christmas was being defiled by something not as innocent like bondage slaves.

Itachi, your mind is a scary place – mixing those two sorts of things together; for shame!

"Because due to certain events that had occurred that will probably never be recognized," good job at confusing the readers, Itachi. "We were not able to go about our Christmas plans as scheduled. So basically, we're doing it now since it seems like the majority of our customers enjoy the oxymoron theme," the raven smiled at his newest and greatest creation. If hot, gay, men in Santa outfits and chains didn't turn people on – then what would?

"Oh, okay, that makes perfect sense!" Naruto rolled his eyes and crossed his arms over his "38C's". Blondie, you should really leave the sarcasm to professionals – less ass-whupping that way. "By the way, I just have one more question!"

"Ask away, Ru-chan."

"Why isn't Sasuke wearing the dress?" the blonde whined, finding this situation highly unfair. It was like every Cosplay theme they had, Itachi found _some_way to dress our hyper-active blonde in some short of revealing dress. He got lucky on the Emo Neko Day but it would seem that said luck was running out…

Ha… you're absolutely screwed, Blondie.

"In my opinion, Sasu-chan looks way better in the color red! And he totally looks like the sort of guy who could sport fake boobs with pride!"

Whether Sasuke should have chocked Naruto with the metal chains, or make some snide remark about how the blonde was merely in denial about his new love for cross dressing.

Hm, choose the latter or the former – the decision was very difficult for the raven to make indeed.

**Minor Break – No Worries.**

Fallen: I think it would be very funny if you made a comment about Naruto's love of fake breasts.

Naruto: I don't like breasts! I mean I do, but not on me!

Sasuke: That's hard to believe –scoff-.

Itachi: And why is that, Otouto?

Sasuke: Because last night, Naruto was admiring his new rack. It was actually pretty funny. He was cupping his boobs and calling himself Naruko – I thought he had gone mad.

Naruto: -Stutters and blushes- You were supposed to be in the shower!

Fallen: Apparently he took a quick a shower –shrugs-.

Itachi: Apparently.

**Sorry, I Lied.**

"Although that may be true – my Otouto does look very dashing in red," Sasuke just rolled his eyes at the statement. Oh my, a compliment from his older brother – the little raven could now die happily! "The dress I ordered wouldn't have flattered him at all," Itachi shrugged like that answer made all the sense in the world.

Which in some world – it might have.

"Besides, I think you look very sexy in that dress, Ru-chan," the younger raven gently pulled Naruto closer, brining his lips across the exposed flesh of Naruto's lips. "I especially like the accessories."

"Teme, as much as I love having a budding hard-on pressed against my ass, I'd really appreciate it if you gave me my space!" as much as Naruto tried to push away his sexy aggressor, the raven just kept on coming back using all his force – and most likely rubbing his hard-on up against Naruto's backside a few times – to get what he wanted.

"That's not what you said last night," Sasuke smirked triumphantly. Let's see what comeback you have to that, Blondie!

"Um, Sasuke, the only thing that happened last night was me falling asleep during Jeopardy on your shoulder. What the hell are you on, Teme?" Ha, beautiful comeback Naruto.

Sasuke couldn't really say anything to that, because basically the blonde had literally called out on his bluff, rubbed it in his face, then stuck his tongue and sashayed out – but of course, we can't forget the epic hair flipping that went on!

So, after that spiel of events, Itachi and his dumbfounded little brother stood in the mass of crazed fangirls and fanboys alike. While Sasuke was still trying to wrap his mind around the diss he was never truly expecting – Naruto was a wild one – Itachi was trying his damn hardest to try to stifle all the bubbles of laugh that were pooling in his stomach.

You see, Uchiha's don't really laugh unless in the privacy of their own room. Even then, they may just laugh on the inside, rather than the outside, for fear that someone could be listening in on them at the very moment. Yes, they were a very paranoid bunch – those crazy kids.

"You two watch Jeopardy?" Itachi asked, not even bothering to hide his amusement in his voice. Who would have thought that his little brother and his boyfriend had such a fetish for late night game shows?

Even though, you could honestly argue with the older raven that watching game shows late at night can't really count as a fetish. But then again, would you really want to argue with Itachi?

Sasuke just shrugged, "It was my turn to choose last night."

"Ah," Itachi nodded with fake understanding.

"And, I really didn't want to watch whatever the hell Naruto offered," the younger raven just shook his head at the memories last night. What in the name of all that was beautiful in the world was the blonde even thinking suggesting watching "The Fuji Mountain".

'Six teens, living in one mountain cabin all alone, partying all night with the goats…' Sasuke was already getting a migraine just thinking about the sheer stupidity of it all!

"Was it porn? Because I can recommend some for you –,"

"-No, Aniki, I don't need your suggestions for porn…"

"But what he wanted to watch last night was indeed pornography?" Itachi smirked knowingly. You can't hide anything from you're all-knowing aniki!

"You know what… I'm not even going to finish this conversation," with that final statement, Sasuke started to strut his way out for his blonde just so he could sexually vent on him – just another one of the great benefits he had gained from dating Naruto.

Now it's up to you to list all ninety-nine of the other benefits – have fun!

Just as Sasuke had spotted his blonde, he had found Naruto perched upon the lap of his arch rival, enemy, and person he wanted to severely run over with a Mac Truck a couple of times until they were perfectly flattened with the word "PWNED" on their forehead.

If you didn't notice who that was referring to – let's just say the unlucky person who is currently subjected to the Uchiha's wrath has one hell of an insomnia problem.

"Naruto Uzumaki," Sasuke snarled at the blonde who was happily cuddling with his enemy. You'd think that after you give a hand job to someone while trapped in a closet – things would change between the two! But oh hells no, Naruto was still very content on making the stoic raven squirm in anger and jealousy.

"Yes, Sasuke Uchiha?" Oh ho ho, Naruto could play this game just as well, Lil'Raven.

"Why I-,"

"-Everybody stop! Nobody move, nobody even breathe," Kisame burst through the door in all of his black-cloaked beauty! Showing off to the world his designer cloak adorned with red puffy clouds and his own bandaged sword – our regular old fish guy was ready to take on the fashion world!

That, or a group of rogue ninjas – whichever came first on Kisame's 'Top Ten Things To Do Before I'm Arrested By the Police'.

Anyway, getting back to the actually plot of the story that has finally reared it's beautiful head, nobody dared to move, nobody dared to breathe, and nobody had the damn balls to scratch their itchy nose.

'Gahhh, it's itchy!' Naruto tried the whole 'bunny nose twitch', but that thing never worked in getting rid of an itch anyways – tough luck, Kid.

"Hey, I said no moving over there!"

"Kisame, for the love of all that is Cosplay – what the hell do you think you're doing!" Itachi glared slits at his idiotic employee of the day. If it wasn't Kisame causing a riot, it was Sasori and Deidara taking "breaks" to go out and fuck. If it weren't the mating bunnies, it was Zetsu trying to search funny videos on YouTube – that really weren't that funny to begin with. And, God forbid, if it wasn't the man with a venus death trap mounted on his head, the rest of his employees would just get themselves involved in stressing – yet always hilarious – situations.

Situations, mind you, that always seemed to send Itachi's blood pressure through the roof.

"Don't you smell it?" the big ol' fish guy flared his nostrils, dramatically taking a big whiff of air through his breathing passageways before exhaling a disgusted snarl.

"Yes, I'm currently smelling you're ass about to get fried in thirty seconds if you don't drop this," tsk tsk, Itachi, you're clutching onto that mechanical just a _little _too tightly there.

"Now is not the time for sarcasm, Uchiha," oh snap, the pen just broke – along with Itachi's sanity. If it wasn't for the fact that Hidan had stepped in – thank God – to hold back the fuming older raven… let's just say the menu for today would be freshly baked piranha grilled to an even crisp with a side of lemon.

**B-B-B-B-BRRREAK!**

Kisame: Did you just refer to me as a piranha?

Fallen: Pffft, what? No, of course not Kisa-chan. You're obviously just seeing things…

Naruto: You're a liar!

Fallen: Naruto, you're supposed to be frozen right now! How dare you break into my fourth wall!

Deidara: -walks in- Oi, Fallen-chan~ you ran out of whip cream!

Fallen: Please don't tell me you used that whip cream for…

Sasori: A delicious banana split –grins-

Fallen: Oh good God…

**I Only Put Up the Wall Because I Love You All Uberly~**

"Kisame, you might wanna hurry up here! I can't hold the beast back for long!" Hidan grabbed the older raven by the waist and held him _very _close to his body. Not only did he get to spoon – if you could call the position they were in that – in public, he was also saving his dear friend from the wraith of Itachi and his foul temper.

"How do you guys not smell it? It's worse than the blonde and psychopath's after-sex smell," Kisa-chan contorted his face once again in a way that one would say "Damn, I just smelt something funky!"

"Our after-sex smells amazing, thank you very much!" Deidara retorted from his spot on top of Sasori's hips while they were in the middle of… "things".

"Can we please just get on with this; my legs are starting to cramp up!" Naruto whined. Any minute now he could see himself toppling over and landing hard on the marble floor. The blonde was a fragile creature – he bruised so easily!

Kisame just pointed a, very blue, finger towards the store window. His face was sent in stone while everyone else's eyes were staring intently at the new, darker compared to the light pink, café across the street.

"Competition," the word dropped from his lips and fell to the floor like a heavy stone. Nobody moved as they let that one sentence sink into their minds, hearts, souls, and all their other body parts.

Itachi, who was considerably calm now, cleared his throat and gracefully removed himself from Hidan's clutches. "Emergency meeting in thirty seconds!" and swiftly turned away in all of his aloof glory towards his office.

"Good God, he's so hot when he gets like that!" Hidan drooled, happy to follow his lover anywhere.

+Akatsuki Cosplay Café+

"How long has this shop been there?"

"Sources say: Since yesterday afternoon."

"Why wasn't I informed the minute they even started to make blueprints for the café?"

"Sources say: The owner was very discreet in hiding their plans – sneaky bastards."

"Interesting…" the older raven reclined in his spinning chair, elbows propped on the armrest and his fingers clasped together in gun formation. The tip of his nose lightly brushed against the pale appendages as he got himself lost in thought.

"Right now, we have no idea who owns the café, or what their purpose is in general." Kisame leaned forward, his lips set in a tight line with the edge of his teeth poking out only slightly. "Sadly, Sources came up dry in that area of the investigation though." Our regular fish dude growled slightly.

Never again will he hire his fresh-out-of-college cousin to dig up dirt on new competition.

"Then I guess it's up to us to find that information out," Itachi turned his gaze towards his two bunnies. "Sasori, Deidara – plan of action, teams, and secret codenames if you will."

"Hai~, briefing for Mission Impossible will now commence!" Deidara happily brought out a large scroll and placed it on top of the table. Sasuke and Naruto exchanged worried glances – they seriously questioned the sanity of most of the people who worked here. The blonde and raven would have been lying if they said they weren't scared to hear the sex crazed bunnies' plans of operation.

"I guess we'll start with the groupings," Sasori began calmly as he read over the list. "Deidara and I will be Team 69," a lot of scoffs, eye rolls and 'go figures', spread across the room like wildfire.

Sasori couldn't help but smirk, "Pein and Mr. Snuggles will be Team Fluffy, Zetsu and Kisame will be Team Bite Me, Itachi and Hidan, you guys will be Team Hard to Get, the two newbies will be Team Newbies, Raven and Blondie, you'll be Team Diversion -,"

"-Wait one minute! Why are Teme and I named Team Diversion?" Oh Naruto, of course you're the one who must ask all the stupid and obvious questions.

"You'll see," was Sasori's cryptic reply. A reply so mysterious, laced with so many hidden meanings that Naruto and Sasuke were highly regretting their decision not to quit earlier on…

Damn those many tiny zeroes on their paychecks – damn them all!

"Now on to the plan of operations, un," Deidara ran his finger along the soft surface of the worn out piece of paper, "For this plan to work we need to have some role playing, awesome ninja outfits, and a hell of a lot of luck."

"Ninja outfits. Done," Itachi nodded.

"Great, un! Alrighty, so Team 69 – me and Sari – are going to handle the back entryway here," his painted finger nail tapped mindlessly at the, highly artistic – do you sense the sarcasm here?- picture of the backdoor and two stick figures cloaked in black and colored with bright orange and yellow hair.

"Then, Team Fluffy will act as our look out in case we're spotted," Sasori nodded towards Pein who was holding onto Mr. Snuggles for dear life. Poor Mr. Snuggles, wouldn't it be a shame if he did?

**CRACK!**

Pein: Don't you dare.

Fallen: It was just a joke! You know haha!

Pein: -evil death glare-

**KILLS!**

"Team Bite Me will be crawling through the vents and doing surveillance," Deidara smiled coyly at his two, now angered, friends. Hm, could it be that Deidara was exploiting Kisame's fear of tight spaces and combining it with the fact that Zetsu's headpiece would probably take up more than half the space in said air vents?

Who knows…

"Get bent," was Zetsu's always-lovely comeback.

Deidara just waved it off like it didn't matter – which in his mind it probably didn't – and went about the rest of their plans for the infiltration.

"So everyone knows what they're doing?" Itachi asked, fixing the neck on his cloak so it fitted just right – hiding his face so all that you saw were deep, blood red, eyes. Don't worry everyone; they were just contacts to give an appeal to it all.

If you're going to infiltrate a building, might as well go all out for it.

"I still don't see why I have to wear this bright orange jumpsuit if I'm supposed to be discreet," the blonde eyed his own outfit – a black and orange jacket with orange pants and a very spiffy blue headband. "I'm going to stick out like a sore thumb!" he whined.

"I think you look very cute," Sasuke smirked at increasing pout that appeared on his blonde's face as he leaned forward for a kiss that seemed to ease the blonde's distress slightly. The raven's own outfit was a tad more discreet than the blonde's was - giving everyone a very good look at a portion of his chest. "Besides, if anyone asks just say you're a foreigner."

"Because of course _that'll_ work just fine," Naruto was the absolute king of sarcasm! You must all bow before the Sarcastic King!

"So, is there any reason why there's a big gourd of sand tied to my back?" our lovely insomniac motioned towards the big, gourd-like, container that was tied all nifty like to the back of his outfit. He honestly didn't have a clue about what he was going to do with a whole gourd of sand!

Maybe he'd find an empty sandbox and fill it so children could play? Or maybe some lonely stray cat was in desperate need of a litter box?

"Ru-chan~ come feel my abs!" Sai happily grabbed Naruto's hand and ran it along his well-constructed chest. The blonde had to admit – Sai had a pretty good physique.

"Hey, Sai, do me a big favor and don't grab my blonde like that," Sasuke, in his princely fashion, grabbed Naruto by the arm and pulled him into his chest possessively. No way was some copy cat raven with washboard abs going to take away his blondie! "Kay, thanks."

"Anyway," Itachi rolled his eyes at their childish behavior. One does not get ready to snuff out the competition by working up on petty jealously. "Deidara, I'm hoping you have the goods ready."

"Oohhhh Yeahhh, let's do this, un!"

"Good," the older raven turned his attention to the other members cloaked in black with little red clouds on their coats, "everyone knows what they're doing"

"Hai!" was everyone's universal reply.

With a satisfied grin, Itachi pulled out a pair of black, cop glasses and placed them over his eyes, "Then let's do this."

"Ah, Weasel-san I told you not to wear the glasses," but Hidan laughed anyways as he faithfully followed his love out the door and into unknown territory.

May the force be with you.

+Akatsuki Cosplay Café: Takedown!+

"Is the coast clear?" Deidara whispered to Sasori who was currently standing on the other side of the door. With a quiet head nod from his faithful companion, Deidara pulled out a red, too thick to be a candle, object and quickly lit the end of it aflame.

"Fire in the hole!" the blonde half whispered, half yelled, before throwing the stick of dynamite towards the door and ran like hell away from it before it could explode.

"I love it when you play with sticks," Sasori kissed his blonde roughly on the lips before running inside. Once the two had reached the basement – which was where the backdoor leaded to in the first place – they both reviewed their plans one more time, just to make sure they didn't miss anything.

"So if all goes well, we blow everything up from the inside out?" Deidara cocked an eyebrow towards his lover.

"Or, if everything goes wrong we blow it up," Sasori nodded as he looked over their plans.

"So either way things are going to go up in flames?" the tall blonde asked with a wicked grin.

"Oh yes."

Fishing through their bags, Deidara pulled out about ten or fifteen sticks of dynamite while Sasori looked for his own pile of sticks and the detonator. Once they found all that they needed, the sex-crazed bunnies walked a little bit further into the basement before their eyes landed upon a very interesting looking door.

"Hm… my curiosity is telling me that we should open up this door. What do you think, Sari-chan?" Deidara smiled that attractive and wicked grin towards his red-head who seemed to be having the same thoughts as he was at the moment.

Eh, blowing up the competition could wait till later…

Opening up the door, that was suspiciously unlocked, Sasori and Deidara were literally blown away by what they found. Sex toys and Cosplay outfits that could make any self respected, sex-crazed man or woman fall to their knees and cry for joy.

The sex-crazed bunnies were in complete and utter Heaven.

"I think," Deidara swallowed a long and slow gulp, before regaining his composure somewhat. "I think it would be best if we investigate this suspicious, yet appealing, looking closet, don't you think?"

"Couldn't agree more," Sasori was already pulling his blonde by the arms and dragging him towards their ultimate playpen.

"Oh my God, they have the new XL Vibrator in blue!" Deidara squealed before the door closed behind them and their obscenities.

Two down, ten more to go…

+Akatsuki Cosplay Café: Now with more Humor+

"Stop touching my butt!" Zetsu screamed as the two wriggled through the air vents.

"Get your butt off of me hand!" was Kisame's well thought out reply. Sorry honey, but butts can't really go out of their way to touch hands – nice try though. "Ugh, I can barely breathe in here, and did something just crawl down my leg!" Wow, who knew the normally obnoxious and tough Kisame to freak out over a tight, cramped air vent?

Haa… what a wimp!

"If you don't stop squirming I will turn this operation around, mister!" Ha, looks like Zetsu get's a little crazy also when it comes to tight spaces.

"Look, if one more thing fucking crawls up my leg -," before he could finish the sentence though, Zetsu quickly quieted him by giving the fish-man a good kick to the leg.

"Shut up and look!" he whispered, pointing his fingers through the vent.

Kisame mumbled a very colorful word, but nevertheless gazed down the vent airway to see what had grabbed Zetsu's attention in the first place. All he could make out were the black marble floors and the small part of a white table decorated with a black, gothic table top. From the corner of his eye, he noticed a man with long black hair with a silver, odd-shaped earring pierced on left ear.

"Is that?" Kisame quickly turned around, jostling the vents only slightly, with confusion and slight panic seeping through his voice.

"I don't know, but I sure as hell hope that Itachi doesn't find out…"

But of course, Itachi's going to find out silly people…

+Akastuki Cosplay Café: Don't Play In Vents – They're Dangerous+

"Excuse me, but what do you think you are doing?" a man of, not-so-average height loomed over top of Pein, peering down at his form while our resident carrot top played with his stuffed animal to his heart's content.

Pein just raised a quiet eyebrow. Nobody, literally nobody, interrupted Pein and Mr. Snuggle's playtime! Oh fuck on a table, something was about to go down right here.

Adjusting slightly from his sitting spot against the wall of the café – not really a good look out point if you really thought about it – Pein quietly tried to stare down the beast of a man with his ringed eyes and many piercings, but the man didn't budge!

"Can't a man play with his bunny outside of a café without being questioned?"

"I never said that," was the beasts blunt reply.

"Then I guess I'm playing here," was our cute little Pein's reply.

"Mr. FooFoo wouldn't approve of that."

Excuse me, Mr. FooFoo? What the hell is a FooFoo? Just then, over the horizon – the horizon being the beasts shoulder – a cute little stuffed panda with a missing eye and a scuffed up paw, and a cute little pink bow adorned his left ear appeared.

All in all, Mr. FooFoo was a cutie, and possibly Mr. Snuggles might have fallen in love... maybe…

Nah, more like Mr. Snuggles has competition.

"Mr. FooFoo?" Pein raised another perfectly arched eyebrow and gave a quick, very boring, once over towards the tattered panda. "He doesn't look to frightening," was the carrot top's analysis.

"Neither does your sorry excuse for a bunny rabbit," oh no, oh fuck on a table – holy jizz in your pants! He did not just go there? Did the beast just diss Mr. Snuggles?

Oh, it's war.

Pein was always the sort of person that was quiet, but when angered had a temper of a raging bull on caffeine. Literally wincing at the throbbing vein in his temple, Pein's grip ever-so-slightly increased on Mr. Snuggles arm.

"Look, you mother fucking bastard, youdon't want to get me angry, because when I get angry, Mr. Snuggles gets upset, and when Mr. Snuggles get upset, people DIE!" The carrot stop looked at the beast in front of him with a bored expression, but his eyes were daring this orange-haired man in front of him to say otherwise.

"Do you really want to see people die?" was Pein's final expression.

"… Depends on who dies and how many people we're talking about."

What a fun guy that beast-man is!

+Akatsuki Cosplay Café: Don't Diss the Bunny+

"Gaara, what are you doing here!" Naruto staged whispered as he dragged the smirking red-head aside. What part of "covert" did these two not understand? After all, as Team Diversion, Naruto and Sasuke were the two that would act like ordinary costumers and try to find out anything about their competition.

Well they can't really do that if Gaara was trying to get it on with Naruto, Sasuke was trying to kill Gaara for getting it on with his blonde, and Sai was trying to video tape everything that was going on.

Oh yeah, these four would have made _great _ninjas!

"I got bored," was Gaara's stoic reply before he brought the blonde closer to his chest and snuggled into his neck. Aww, Gaara, you don't have to lie – in reality you missed your blonde little snuggle toy didn't you?

"Gaara if you don't move your damn lips off of my blonde's-!"

"-Is there an issue here?" the same man Kisame had spied through the air vents appeared in all of his… creepy and pedophile like manner. Seriously, Naruto almost peed his pants at the spot when his eyes landed upon this, kind of snake like, man.

His skin was pale, white like snow, with eyes accented with light purple eye shadow. He probably would have been handsome if it wasn't for the fact that every five seconds his inhumanely long tongue flicked out of his mouth – licking around the dry areas of his lips.

Was it strange that Sai found Orochimaru's tongue highly attractive? Hmm…

"Why yes, there is a problem, Sir!" the obnoxious blonde pried himself from the cuddly red-head and put on his most offended face. "My friend and I have been sitting here for the past two hours, thirty-five minutes and seventeen seconds and counting with no one coming to serve us! Not only that, when we finally got our food there were worms on the top of our cakes!"

Good job, Naruto, you tell that freaky snake guy what's what! Tell him off, get this café under suspicion and finally shut down due to health hazards!

Ha… like that's going to happen.

"Sir, those are gummy worms," the freaky snake guy's consort pushed his rounded glasses up the bridge of his nose. The light glinted over the lens that totally signaled to everyone that this guy was stuck up and smart – a dangerous combination.

"Oh…" was Naruto's lame reply before he sat back down defeated. This Mission Impossible was starting to get screwed over big time.

"And about no service, my top worker should be coming from his break right about now," just as the freaky snake guy mentioned his best employee, the orange-haired beast, along with Pein, walked in the door both with unreadable expressions on their faces.

"Mr. Snuggles would look much cuter in a bright yellow sundress."

"I believe you are mistaken. Mr. FooFoo would look much cuter in such an outfit."

'Oh dear God… they have another Pein!' No, Naruto, obviously there's a huge amount of difference between the two – but nice try though.

"Good to see you've finally come back, Juugo."

"Thank you, Orochimaru-sama," The four couldn't believe their eyes. Not only did one of their workers highly resemble on of theirs – but they also had respect for their employer! The one thing Itachi could never really get out of his workers.

Oh… these people were good.

"Oi, Rochi-san~ we ran out of cherry flavored condoms and the women are restless!" a teen with about the same pearly white Kisame bore, ran into the group with about as much enthusiasm as Naruto would have every other day.

"Suigetsu, I thought I told you that you can't make love to any customer you deem attractive!" the glasses-wearing guy shook his head with mocking shame, "Our brand of condoms do not come cheap, you know."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever you say, Kabu-chan," Suigetsu waved his hand off the statement absentmindedly. Oh my, this café even had a sex-crazed bunny – who knew? "Just be glad I didn't touch the pack that you and Rochi-san use."

"If you did I would have to kill you, Sugetsu," Orochimaru smirked, a gesture that sent Gaara, Sai, Sasuke, and Naruto into shivers while Sugetsu just yawned it off.

What was with these people!

"So, since everything seems to be okay now, would you four like to resume your session?" Kabu-chan's question was directed to the dumbfounded four whose only response they could manage was a shake of their head.

"Um, actually, I kind of have to get home and… clean out the litter box!"

"And I have to follow the Dobe and get my daily exercise afterwards," Sasuke winked at the blushing blonde before grabbing his hand and quickly try to drag him out, only to run into his brother and lover…

"Otouto, what in the world do you think you're-!"

"-Ah, Itachi, long time no see," the words dripped off his tongue like venom and froze Itachi to the spot.

The one person he hoped he would never see again was now his competition and staring him right in the face with a sick gleam in his eyes. Those same eyes that used to sent vivid nightmares to the normally stoic raven every night.

Itachi slowly gulped down any forms of weakness that were about to bubble out of his throat. "Orochimaru," was his whispered reply.

"Oh crap!" Kisame screamed from the vents, trying and failing to reach into his front pocket for the walkie-talkie. Once he finally found it, he radioed in Sasori and Deidara with a frantic scream, "Code Blue, I repeat it's a Code Mother Fucking Blue!"

'_Ah, w-wait a minute, I'm about to-'_

"This is not the time to be fucking like bunnies! Itachi and Orochimaru have made contact, do you not understand what serious shit we've just dug into!"

"Kisame, stop moving around or else-," but Zetsu's warning came a little too late as the vent already collapsed and the two were already falling onto the floor in the middle of stunned costumers and friends.

"Uhh…" was Hidan's reply. The only thought that was going through everyone's mind was that they were all horribly screwed now.

"Hm," Orochimaru didn't even attempt to hide his amusement as he raised a curious eyebrow at the befuddle group of men before him. 'What an interesting turn-out indeed,' the freaky snake guy raised his head and smirked at Itachi, whose body was unconsciously leaning far closer into Hidan's chest than he had intended.

"Did you really think your plan would have worked?" Orochimaru let out a laugh; it was one hell of a creepy one at that.

'It was worth a shot,' that thought also ran through most of their minds at the moment.

"It's a shame that this infiltration was the best you could do," Kabu-chan quietly pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose once again. "We were expecting more from the notorious Akatsuki Cosplay Café, but if this is all you guys could come up with," he gave them all a feral grin, "then prepared to be pounded into the dirt."

"Why you-!" wow, there were a lot of interruptions today. Before Hidan could finish off his threat, a very loud, very explosive, boom came from underneath them followed by a very minor aftershock. When everything was all calm and peaceful and what not, the only sounds that could be heard were insane cackling and footsteps.

"I'm guessing Deidara finally came," was Kisame's blunt reply while he stood up and brushed the dust off of his pants. "Everybody make a run for it!"

"You don't have to tell me twice!" Naruto and his posse were already out the door, just like Hidan who had to carry Itachi princess style out the door, and Pein who had to effectively knock off Mr. FooFoo from Juugo's shoulders before running out the door with a triumphant grin.

When everyone had left, Orochimaru brought his pale appendages to run small circles against his temples. "Those idiots…"

"Orochimaru-sama, should we check the damage downstairs?"

"… I suppose we should, Kabuto." Orochimaru through a tired gaze towards his two employees, "Make sure that all the customers have calmed down and aren't starting a riot. And Suigetsu, if they haven't started a riot – don't make an idiot of yourself and cause one on your own."

"Aww you're no fun!" but Suigetsu was already being dragged by Juugo anyways.

+Akastuki Cosplay Café: We're Almost Done!+

"I don't believe this," the basement that housed their Cosplay outfits was in complete ruins. You couldn't make out the sex toys from the costumes and vice versa. It was like someone just went wild and dropped a bomb for the hell of it!

"Well, at least these were the back-up clothes. A minor loss," whoa, Kabuto's the optimistic one isn't he!

"I wasn't talking about the clothes, Kabuto, I'm talking about this," Orochimaru pointed a bony finger towards a very detailed image of Sasori giving the bird, and Deidara with his pants between his ankles and his fingers pointing towards his dick with a nice little speech bubble that said "Suck It!"

"They do know this means war, right?" Kabuto raised an amused eyebrow. Not only was he optimistic – he was a war fanatic too!

"Oh hell yes,"

Score right now: Akatsuki: 1, Orochimaru: 0.

So, Mission Impossibly Screwed wasn't so screwed up after all.

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Done, done, and done! I hope you all enjoyed chapter eleven:D.

To **StardustSings** I used your quote and I'm glad you shared it with me! This was the perfect chapter to use it (:.

To anyone else who has any quotes, ideas, or cosplay themes you'd like me to use - don't hesitate to ask and I will gladly include them and make a mention of those quotes at the bottom.

**StardustSings Quote: "You don't want to make me angry, because when I get angry, Mr. Snuggles gets upset. And when Mr. Snuggles gets upset, people DIE!" **bahaha it was hilarious :D.

**NEXT TIME ON ACC: Let's Play A Game**

**Summary: We learn why Itachi was so freaked out over Orochimaru - besides the obvious - and to take his mind off the gang has a game night at someone's house! Who's house it is you'll never know. Actually I don't even know, so I'll make a poll and put it on my page, and the one with the most votes wins! (:**


	12. Let's Play a Game

I'm sorry! This chapter is _way _over due and I apologize! School has been keeping me busy... but I had a snow day, so I whipped myself into getting this chapter done for you! Now, I'll break up the reviews, some at the beginning, and some at the end.

**Special thanks to Monounoke for your quote: "Homosexuality is God's way of insuring the truly gifted aren't burdened with children." - Very funny xDDD!.**

Now onto replies.

**XMistressDevilx: Your reviews make my days, as always! I think I understand what you mean, with the whole Kuroshitsuji stuff... maybe o.o. If not, do you mind explaining it to me, if you can? :D Haha - I'm such a slow person at times T^T.**

**Musicgirl1796: No worries, Kyuubi is expected to visit the cafe in a few more chapters - so stick with me then! I actually have this sort of... idea formulating in my mind right now, and it's going strong 8D!**

**YamiPimpster: Sorry, my fourth wall's are probably annoying o.o, but it was my way of being different. You can skip over them if you want :D No worries though - there are no breaks or cracks in this chapter today :P.**

**Boo I scare you: WHOA! BOO! YOU'VE COME BACK TO ME~ -RUNS UP TO YOU IN SLOWMO- I thought you either died or didn't want to review anymore D:! I thank the Lord you didn't die :D.**

More replies later... and now on to the warning.

**WARNING: SMUT FROM ALL SIDES! I'll let this one be a surprise this time 8D. The first part is told in Itachi's POV just for the hell of it, then it's in my turn. We turn Monopoly into a sex game and well... you'll just have to read on to find out (:.**

Read & Enjoy!

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**Akatsuki Cosplay Café**

**Chapter Twelve: Let's Play a Game**

It's bright. It's annoying. And it's blinding my vision. It's Hidan and that damned flashlight shoved in my face!

"Hidan, get that fucking flashlight out of my face," the lethal growl that escaped out my throat did nothing to erase that goofy grin off of the idiot's face. I should have never gotten him that survival kit for his birthday – stupid, idiotic, non-Uchiha-like, mistake Itachi.

"Not until you tell me what's wrong, Weasel-san!" yes, because the last 458 times you whined to me about being uncooperative worked out _so_ well the last time. Growling in annoyance, and shoving him out of the way, I attempted to make it towards the door – away from the whining idiot – only to be stopped short when I feel Hidan's hand blocking me from my escape.

Damn you.

"Get out of my way," attempting to, at least, level my voice into a more calmer one than the other, more annoyed and snappy one, that tried to slither out my throat, Hidan still doesn't budge. Now I know this guy can be as thick as a wall, in built as well as brain, but that rare, intelligent and stubborn gleam has placed itself in those purple irises of his.

They're pretty sexy now that I've actually gotten a closer look at them.

"Not until you tell me what's with you, Itachi."

"Do you really think suddenly calling me by my first name will cause some cliché shock, thus issuing me to start telling you about my fucked up past?" when he doesn't move, but his lip twitches in that – somewhat cute – way of his, I knew I was dead on. "If that's what you're hoping for; then I'm not sorry to say that you are screwed trying to further your investigation."

Oh good God, Hidan was the only man alive – even though I'd never tell him this to his face; you readers are very lucky – to ever make me freeze on the spot just by a smile. To all of you wondering: "Didn't Orochimaru make you freeze on the spot last chapter?" Your answer to that is: Yes, he did – sadly and horribly unlike me – but that was because his smirk could pretty much make anyone's blood run cold and their heart scream for forgiveness.

Hidan's smile, however, made me freeze for different reasons that I probably know as of now, but I really don't want to acknowledge.

"I anticipated this, more or less." Oh, anticipated, big word for you, Hidan. "That's why, I have a Plan B!"

"And plan B would be…?" was that weariness that just seeped into my words?

And there he goes, using that weird, crooked, yet highly seducing, smirk again – the bastard. "Allow me to introduce you to Plan B!" he pulled out what seemed to be a very long piece of rope while wearing that cocky smirk of his. I recognized that rope instantly, mostly because we had used it for our bondage theme a few days ago.

I tell my workers not to use the Cosplay items for their own perverse enjoyment and what do they do? They disobey my strict orders and go ahead and use them anyways! Is it my glare, has it lost its effect over the past few years? Or maybe it's the color of my eyes. I probably should have invested in those red contacts I saw in the Demon's R Us catalog last spring.

Sighing as I am now tied with rope, sitting in my own swivel chair with Hidan holding me for dear life on my lap, I wonder where I went wrong with my life. It's a random thought, one I've never really took into too much consideration over the past few months, but after my Otouto and Ru-chan came, it seemed to me like my workers were using that as a chance to goof off and pollute the minds of young people.

It seemed like it was working fairly well, since I caught Ru-chan and Otouto making out in the closet the other day – their hands were literally grabbing _every_where; it made me want to manhandle Hidan – which I did.

But I'm getting off topic, most likely because Hidan's strong and gentle fingers started to massage my temples soothingly while whispering softly in my ear. Once again, damn you Hidan for using that technique against me.

"You know I'd never force you to tell me anything, right?"

You say this _after _you've tied me with rope and held onto me with a death grip. "…Yes," I reply almost reluctantly.

"And you know the only time I _do_ ask you to tell me something, it's only to help you, right?"

"Where the hell are you going with this, Hidan?" don't give me that brief look of pain – you should be used to my random outburst of rage and indifference by now.

"I want you to tell me what's been biting you in the ass so much today, and yesterday, and the day after that, and the day after that-,"

"I think I get your point," was that just the sound of a vein popping? I suppose it was.

"Then please, tell me so I can help you." He gently placed his forehead on top of mine and smiled softly. "A smiling Weasel-san is much less scary than a frowning one," with those corny, yet somewhat loving, words, Hidan firmly pressed his lips against my own for a soft and gentle kiss – most likely one of the few gentle kisses that have ever been exchanged between us.

It was that same soft, accepting, goofy smile of his that made me fall in love with him, and it would be the same smile that got me to spill – some – of my dark past to him.

If I haven't already reiterated this: Damn you, Hidan. Just damn you.

"You're a persistent pain in my ass," I mumbled softly, leaning back so that my head was placed on his shoulder. Of course, since we were in the privacy of my own office, I would happily lay my head on Hidan's shoulder without a moment's hesitation. That and I checked to make sure Sasori and Deidara didn't wire-tap or bug my office once again…

"It's not my fault my cock's too big for you to handle," comments like that will get you punched in the face, Hidan, but I let it slide for now. The ever increasing migraine that presented itself was slowly gnawing away at my common sense as we speak.

"Do you want to hear about my 'dreaded' past, or not?" Because I'd highly prefer that we went with the 'or not' option, if you ask me.

"I do, I do!" Damn it! "You know I'm always up for story time!"

I know I can't deny his eager, and somewhat helpful, puppy-like attitude, so against my better judgment I decide to let him in on a _little_ bit of my past. Like Hell was I going to become an open book an actually have a sentimental moment with this buffoon.

"Back in high school, I had this night shift at a club. And no, it wasn't that sort of club – all infested with drugs, hookers, alcohol and what have you. It was one based on Cosplay, sort of like this."

I couldn't really see Hidan's expression, it was currently buried in the crook of my neck, but I could tell by the slight wetness on my skin that he must be smiling – for whatever reason, I'll never know – at my sudden introduction.

"I already knew that, Weasel-san." The readers didn't know that, "Now stop beating around the bush and tell me what the deal between that pedophile man and you is!"

Ha, Hidan, you are truly funny. Actually thinking that Orochimaru was a pedophile…

"I am not beating around the bush, you idiot, I'm trying to build up dramatic tension. Think of it like sex, building up to a climax that you wish could last forever." After a, very, enthusiastic, nod from Hidan, I went on with my wonderful back story. "I worked there for about, two, three years perhaps? Who knows who really gives a fuck? Anyway, while I worked there… Orochimaru taught me something I'll never forget."

"That humping stuffed animals will make you become a better expert in bed?"

Yes, "No, Hidan, that's not it."

"That women are suckers for gay men in tights?"

Yes, "No, that's not it either."

"Then what in the world did that man with a snake fetish teach you!"

"These ropes are starting to itch…"

"Itachi!"

"Don't get your dick all caught up in your zipper," glaring at my pouting lover, we're actually able to hold somewhat of a gaze as the seconds ticked by in an agonizing pace. "Orochimaru taught me…" and there goes that eager spark being lit in his eyes, "that Homosexuality is God's way of insuring that the truly gifted aren't burdened with children."

Hidan was silent for a few moments, probably contemplating what I had just said. After a few more seconds of repressing the urges to gnaw at the rope with my teeth, my buffoon finally said something that I probably should have expected from the beginning.

"That's complete bullshit, Weasel-san," well then, "You know that Jashin is the only _real _god out there." He scoffed and playfully ruffled my hair. Hidan, I love you, I really do, but you are by far a complete idiot for thinking that.

Growling in annoyance as my migraine had significantly spiked and how now, my perfectly luscious hair was now messed up, I bite his fingers before he can attempt to fix the damage he had caused.

"Ouch! If you're going to bite me, bite my cock, not my finger!" isn't it strange that we made a reference to a very important male anatomy more than once? Sticking to a scowl, I refuse to make any eye contact with this idiot of a man! "Oh come on, Weasel-san, don't be like this," I will once you stop whining, you annoying buffoon.

A sigh was released from his lips, before he buried his face into the crook of my neck again. "The bastard didn't… touch you, right? Because if he did, I'm borrowing Deidara's explosives and shoving those sticks up dynamite right up his ass!"

"That would be nice… but not needed," since my arms were obviously immobile at the moment, I rested my head on top of his and smiled softly – Hidan would know that was my sign of affection for the day. "Orochimaru and I never had that sort of relationship… just that, working there opened my mind up to a lot of things as all," before he could voice out anymore questions – they were starting to get really annoying – I kissed the top of his head softly, "Now will you please untie me? We left Sasori and Deidara alone with the kids for over thirty minutes… that is not a smart thing to do."

"Oh shit, you're right!" _finally_, he unties me and brings me into a bone-crushing hug before heading out to do damage control, leaving me alone to my own thoughts.

I do not know how the others are able to handle allowing the readers into their thoughts, while being bombarded with questions regarding their troublesome past. Shaking my head slowly while I popped some of my medication pills into my mouth, I raised my shoulders up high and sauntered over to the locked door – ready to meet whatever awaiting horrors were on the outside.

Like hell you are going to hear what happened in my point of view.

+Akatsuki Cosplay Café: Itachi Can Be Such the Charmer+

+Normal POV+

"We are going to play Strip Poker, and that is final!" Deidara roared, he was just about ready to argue the pants off of Naruto if he had too. How dare he even consider the fact that Monopoly was a better game than Strip Poker!

"No! You've already corrupted us enough. What more do you want?" Naruto did have a point, Sasori and Deidara had fairly corrupted the young couple, yet they still wanted more – those evil sex crazed bunnies! "Besides, Monopoly's a _much _better game than poker!"

"You're acting louder than necessary, Dobe. Now shut up and let's just play Strip Poker," Sasuke slightly scowled at his fussing boyfriend. Honestly, what's wrong with playing a game which involves one taking their clothes off in front of a group of people, anyways? In Sasuke's opinion, it was just one more chance to see the object of his admiration naked.

"What part of 'No!' do you people not understand?" most likely the 'No' part, Naru-chan. "I will not, and am not, playing Strip Poker with you drugged-up bunnies!" Naru-chan, their _sex_-crazed, not chocked up on drugs…

"The part where you want to be a wet blanket and _not _strip with us. That's what we don't understand!" Deidara sighed in exasperation. He just didn't get today's youth at all. Weren't they supposed to get all hot and bothered even thinking about the word strip? Or maybe, Naruto was just one of those weird people you find ever 500 years that don't appreciate good, sexual, games.

Yeah… Naruto's most definitely a "weird" one.

"I have better things to do on a Friday night than playing Poker with you people!" with that last, final statement of reluctance, Naruto grabbed Sasuke by the arm and preceded to drag the stoic raven away to some corner to rant. However… the raven wouldn't budge.

"I wouldn't mind playing Strip Poker," in one foul swoop, Naruto was being dipped in a sexy and romantic tango position with the raven looming over him, proudly wearing a delicious smirk on his face. "Wouldn't you love to see me naked?"

"First of all, Teme: You have a pimple on your face," Sasuke's mask of indifference almost cracked at that statement – almost – but he knew Naruto was only being a pain in the ass because it was a Friday and he wanted to go home and probably scarf down those bowls of ramen he tried to "hide" from Sasuke. "And secondly, I could ask you any day of the week to strip for me. Why would tonight be anything different?"

Blondie's got a good point…

Deidara was finding his Game Night idea going down the drain.

That was until…!

"Otouto, practice your dance moves on your own time. I am not paying you to seduce Naruto in private." Itachi was paying Sasuke to seduce Naruto in _public_, there's a difference you know. "Now what was this about Strip Poker?" the older raven asked, his pen tapping idly on his notebook of hidden wonders.

"Naruto's being a wet blanket," Sasori replied calmly, intertwining his fingers with Deidara and ignoring the death glare he was getting from Naru-chan.

"Not a cute wet blanket either," the taller blonde faked pouted, hoping to –at least – get some sympathy from his boss.

"Someone actually turned down Strip Poker?" Itachi couldn't stop himself from revealing the slight shock and awe that seeped through his words as he stared at the blushing blonde dumbfounded. He couldn't someone would actually turn down such an opportunity like that?

Perhaps Naruto was more of an idiot than he had originally suspected…

"We're thinking Kit-chan might be… 'special'." Deidara made air quotes around that word. Once again, Naruto could feel his blood boil, as those tiny little canines started to rear their pretty little heads.

He was completely normal – sort of! Yet everyone was taking jabs, sticks, pointing fingers towards him and his lack of cooperation. So what if he just wanted to spend Friday night with Sasuke instead of playing Strip Poker with his co-workers? Was that so wrong? Was it!

Why yes, Naruto… yes it was.

"You know… Hidan and I were just conversing about when to hold our annual Game Night," Itachi began slyly as Hidan took his rightful spot beside him. "And I do believe that no one has anything planned for the night…"

"Itachi, you wouldn't dare!" Naruto started to snarl. Thank God Sasuke was there to hold him back or else who knows what would have happened.

"Weasel-san, are you thinking what I'm thinking?" Hidan raised his eyebrow in an amused manner.

"Tonight, eight o'clock, we'll be having our Game Night. We'll pick names out of a hat to see where the event will be held at, and if you fail to attend we will hunt you down and drag you there ourselves." The older raven's devilish smile was directed towards Naruto.

The blonde stiffened slightly before swallowing a loud gulp. He wouldn't dare try to blow off that concealed threat because he was pretty sure Itachi was quite capable of fulfilling it. Turning his gaze helplessly to Sasuke, he threw himself into his boyfriend's arms and whined for protection.

"You moron, get off of me! You're fucking heavy!"

"Protect me~!"

"What's going on over here?" Pein, Mr. Snuggles, and Tobi suddenly appeared out of nowhere in all of their wonderful glory! Pein was currently munching on a cookie – thanks to Tobi's wonderful cooking, Mr. Snuggles was enjoying the view from on top of the carrot top's head, and Tobi was well…. Tobi was Tobi pretty much.

"Why aren't you three working?" Itachi avoided the question with a question, and a glare, of his own.

"Because no one else is," Pein added in nonchalantly, and everyone else – minus Itachi – had to admit to that.

"And no worries, Tachi-kun, Gaara and Sai are holding back the fans as we speak." Tobi happily piped in, smiling behind that ridiculous orange mask of his – even though you'd never be able to see it.

"So, Game Night's tonight?" Pein asked to no one in particular.

"Yup!" Hidan answered.

"Whose house is it at?"

"We're picking names out of the hat now," Itachi replied with his hand rummaging around said hat that just randomly appeared. After he felt that magical slip of paper just calling out to him to be grabbed, he passed the hat over to Hidan and read the name. "Well then, tonight we'll be having the party at Mr. Snuggles house."

"Ha! That's funny. I just thought you said that the party would be at that stuffed bunny's house." Naruto's laughter quickly died down after he was assaulted by serious glares from the rest of his co-workers – minus Sasuke, of course, who also found it very humorous but did not voice it.

Had he said something wrong? Most likely knowing how big his mouth could be…

"Just so you know, Kit-chan, Mr. Snuggles house is actually quite nice," Deidara replied calmly, placing his hands behind his head and whistling some annoying tune.

"It even has an underground pool!" Tobi replied, with the same amount of enthusiasm as before. Did you know he used to be a cheerleader? Most likely why he's all peppy all the time…

"Pein, your face is going to freeze like that if you keep glaring!" no matter how much Hidan waved his hand back and forth, Pein's glare never left Naruto's head…

Oh my, is he plotting the blonde's death perhaps? Only time would tell…

"Well then, with that awkward cliff hanger now in place," Itachi started to walk towards the doorway, heading for Sai and Gaara so, they too, could learn all about the fun stuff that was going to happen tonight. "I'll see you guys later tonight, then." He looked back towards Naruto – who was still straddling Sasuke – with a bored expression, "Oh, and Naruto, make sure not to push anymore of Pein's buttons, or you might just end up sleeping with the fishes."

"… But I like fishes!"

Moving on then…

+Akatsuki Cosplay Café: Tonight we're going Hard!+

"No fair! I want to be the doggy!" Tobi whined, as Deidara happily snickered and too his play piece. What point of, 'I called dibs', did that artistic blonde not understand? The orange-masked man already made it very clear the minute he walked into those French, double doors of Mr. Snuggle's mansion that he wanted the silver dog!

But what did Deidara do? He took the doggy anyways! The blonde had one hell of a death wish over his head…

"I can't believe I came here," Naruto mumbled under his breath a whole string of curse words while he placed his cavalier on the board.

"Why are you still complaining? We're playing Monopoly, aren't we?" Sasuke pulled his blonde into his lap, resting his head on the top of the blonde's shoulder. "Isn't that what you wanted?"

"Well, _yeah_, I did, but not when it's S_trip _Monopoly! Who in the world has ever heard of strip Monopoly?" apparently it's all the rage in Paris…

"Oh shush, Blondie. We get to strip, and you get to move your tiny game piece around a square board, hoping to earn paper money in the process," Sasori leaned over his lover to grab some popcorn before popping them into his mouth. "If that doesn't make you happy, then I'm not sorry to say that you're a lost cause."

"Your mom's a lost cause," was Naruto's oh-so-witty response.

"My mother's dead, Fucktard." And there's that wonderful hint of nonchalance that Sasori was so heavily none for.

"Alright then…" Sai laughed nervously while rolling the dice. "Nice, I rolled doubles."

"Take off the shirt, newbie!" Deidara roared.

"Alright – wait, what?" Sai's hands stopped at the bottom of his shirt, while his face proudly showed a 'WTF' face. Did Deidara just say what the raven thought he just heard? Apparently so from the way the insane blonde was grinning like a madman from ear-to-ear.

"You heard me! Roll doubles and you have to take off an item of clothing. Roll three in a row and you're out of the game and completely butt naked."

Way to go, Deidara. You just turned a family-oriented game into a perverted lifestyle… kudos to you.

Moving on…

"I wanna go home!" Naruto whined after his fiftieth roll. He was, somehow, stripped down to his boxers and only his boxers. Sasuke was also in the same condition, but he was the lucky bastard with a pair of socks on as well. Itachi and Hidan had been stripped down to their shirts, boxers, and necklace – the works.

Pein and Mr. Snuggles were still going strong. Somehow they managed to avoid getting stripped in this family-oriented game gone right. Tobi was just shirtless – nothing too bad. Gaara gave up after the fifth round because he kept landing on people's properties and turned bankrupt; now he was sulking in the corner, plotting his revenge on everyone except for Naruto.

Sai was pretty bad off though – he rolled so many doubles that he was thrown in jail, and forced to strip down into nothing but his birthday suit. The man felt a breeze every so often…

Kisame and Zetsu were also very lucky. They were the bankers, meaning that they didn't have to suffer through the some what-embarrassing stripping. Their excuses were that they didn't trust anyone else with handling the play money.

And finally, Sasori and Deidara barely even managed the first round before they took the stripping into their own hands. By now, the two were fucking away on the floor like crazy bunnies in heat – moaning and trashing around on the floor, completely lost in ecstasy.

"Sasori, stop knocking down my fucking hotels!" Itachi growled, taking his turn. After moving seven spaces and realizing he had landed on Hidan's property – he happily knew what was coming next.

"Your rent's due, Mr. Weasel-san," Hidan purred into the older ravens' ear before giving it a gentle nip. Slender hands snaked up Itachi's shirt, grasping and tweaking at the already perked and ready nipples. Itachi bit back the moan that threatened to escape his lips as he was slowly being back down onto the floor.

"What do you want as compensation?" Itachi happily played along as he felt those same cool hands slip beneath the waist band of his pants.

"You," was Hidan's reply before his fingers started to work on Itachi's leaking member.

Yup, Hidan and Itachi were pretty much out of the game now…

"I saw this coming," Naruto mumbled in blatant disgust as he took his turn. Sasuke and Naruto were pretty much the only competitors in the game so far. Kisame and Zetsu left because they were getting bored watching people strip – weird people, they are. Sai was jacking off because… well… he's Sai. Gaara was still in his 'Corner of Sulk and Revenge'.

Tobi was in the kitchen doing his thing. Pein and Mr. Snuggles were re-watching Toy Story 3. And by know we already know what Sasori, Deidara, Hidan and Itachi were up to – those crazy kids.

"You landed on my property," Sasuke chuckled at Naruto's loud groan while he, very slowly, started to take off his boxers albeit reluctantly. "Here," the raven whispered into his blonde's ear, grabbing the fabric with his own hands, "let me help you with that."

In one awesome ninja move, Naruto was pinned – without his boxers – underneath of Sasuke while being thoroughly ravished from head to toe.

"Ah, S-Sasuke!" Naruto whined as his boyfriend playfully pulled on one of his hardened nubs before attacking the other one with that same, skillful tongue. "Do we have to do this in public," Naruto whined as slim fingers tickled his sides mercilessly.

"Do you really think anyone's paying attention?" Good point, Sasuke.

Now on to the ravishing!

"D-Don't touch there – Ahh!" Naruto's head fell back as Sasuke started to play with his balls. Rubbing and pinching them before stroking his leaking shaft hard and fast. The blonde couldn't think straight from all the pleasure he was feeling from such simple touches. No matter how many times Naruto came by a hand job – the pleasure, the feeling, the funny feeling in his stomach, never felt so well.

Sasuke's fingers rubbed Naruto's tip, while his other hand was working on the bottom of Naruto's tree. Before the blonde realized it, he was already climaxing into Sasuke's hand, panting hard as the last few syllables of the raven's name fell from his lips.

The raven smirked, licking his fingers and relishing in the taste of his lover, before he freed his own throbbing member from its restraints. He melded their hips together in an erotic, tango, as their hardened members rubbed up against one another. Naruto gasped at the pleasure-filled friction that was suddenly created between the two, and started begging for more.

Who was Sasuke to deny his lover, anyways?

Their moans were their orchestra that mingled in with the sounds of the others on the floor. Sasuke latched his teeth on Naruto's collarbone and started to kiss, suck, and nibble on the delicious skin that was offered to him.

But of course, _some_one has to come in and ruin all this smutty goodness.

"We're all out of popcorn," Pein added in calmly, but loudly enough for the others to hear, as he watched the three couples and one single teen freeze in their actions. Was that a smirk on his face as he walked into the kitchen to refill the bowl?

"Fuck, I came too early! I'm sorry, Weasel-san!"

Pein, you will most likely pay tomorrow for allowing Itachi to get cum on his face. For now, do enjoy that popcorn for Mr. Snuggles – for it may be your last.

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Good Job, Pein! :D Ruining the moment just like I taught you~ Once, again, Thank you Monounoke for your quote! If anyone else has any quotes they'd like me to use, don't hesitate to ask :D.

MORE REPLIES!

**To Monounoke: Your quote is... the best -bows down to you-. It was pretty hilarious :D! And I'm repeating myself probably likee... 2348382384 times, but thank you! Hahah, and I think I understand what you mean by the whole sex-crazed animal themes... and I might be able to incorporate it later on :D **

**To Jillkun-ness: NINJAS NEVER DIE! -FIST PUMP!- I hope this smut was good for you as it was for me to write it - awkward pause- lmfao... And in my opinion, I have no idea who's cuter either D:! Only time will tell!**

**And Finally To Stardustsings: Your reviews are very random and laugh-inducing! Maybe, I might steal some of what you said and randomly put them in future chapters 8D! Mwahaha -evil smile- o.o**

NEXT TIME ON ACC ADVENUTRES!

Chapter 13: RUZILLA!

Naruto has a crappy morning that turns into a crappy day that then turns into him flipping out on a customer! The Cosplay was too much for him! Hahaha, Itachi flips out and then we'll actually get into a backstory o.o! (:

Till next time~


	13. RUZILLA!

Of course, Chapter 13 has to be the unlucky chapter, mwahahah!

Guys, I'm so sorry for the delay, but I've been attacked by plot pandas on the move! And I have a new Naruto Fanfic in the works.

I'll talk more about it at the bottom! :D

**WARNING - READ BEFORE CONTINUING!: NEW CHARACTER! Implied smut (silly people, you got smut last chapter, so of course I must tease you). Course language, as always, and my wonderful sense of humor is always a force to be reckoned with! ONE CRACK IN THE WALL :3.**

Read and Enjoy :D**

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**Akatsuki Cosplay Café**

**Chapter 13: RUZILLA!**

You can always tell when you're about to have a shitty day because there will always be warning signs in the morning before your impending doom arrives.

The sun – your first warning – will splash against the golden plains of your face at a ninety degree angle.

Your shirt – the second warning – which you picked out the night before will most likely be an over-sized t-shirt. Further more, it will be the _only _thing you have on, along with a small pair of froggy boxers.

Now, some of you may be wondering: "What in the name of all that is yaoi does an oversized t-shirt, and a pair of boxers has to do with someone about to have a shitty day?"

Well, if you just shut up and stop asking questions, and perhaps even read on, you will find your answers silly people.

Moving on then.

Said t-shirt in observation should only be ridden up between 1-3 inches above that cute, little, innie belly button you're so proud of. (Unless you're an outtie, than your shirt should only be between .5 – 2 inches).

Anyway, anything above three inches that exposes your delicious looking, rosy pink nipples, along with the wonderfully vast expanses of your stomach… is not a very good sign at the least.

And, in regards to your boxers, if you wake up with that weird, sticky mess feeling, which you _know _came from a wet dream…

Well, you can connect the dots…

Speaking of wet dreams let us travel into the land of Naruto's subconscious, shall we?

+Akatsuki Cosplay Café: Nosy People+

+Naruto's Wonderful POV+

How did we ever end up like _this_?

The teme and I are completely stark-naked, grinding the living daylights out of one another – not that I'm complaining about that. Every time our cocks would rub against one another, back and forth, in some sort of drunken dance routine, I would see flashes of white blind my vision, and I couldn't control the animalistic growls from escaping my lips.

Oh God, this feels _really _good!

"S-Sasuke~" I cried out when his mouth attached itself to my nipple. He sucked, and he nipped, and he licked at it without any mercy – and it was driving me fucking insane!

I'm so close to cumming…

I want Sasuke inside of me…

Ahh… this feels so – BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!

And thus, Naruto's wet dream has concluded, and his shitty day begins.

+Akatsuki Cosplay Café: Back to Normal+

Naruto skyrocketed out of bed, his face ablaze in a beautiful – in his words, embarrassing if anyone ever saw it – blush.

"Fuuuuuck," the blonde drawled as the rays of sun titled at a ninety degree angle blinded him, causing his eyes some serious too-early-in the morning- for this, pain. "Dammit!" he screamed while he attempted to get out of bed, but due to the fact that his over-sized t-shirt was currently up to his eyes now from all his struggling, and how tangled his feet were with the blanket, Naruto's attempts to get up ending with him falling flat on his back onto the floor.

And that's when he felt the stickiness…

"Fuuuuuuuck!"

Indeed, this was just the beginning of Naruto's shitty day.

"Good morning to you too, Dobe," Naruto groaned at the sight of his boyfriend leaning against the doorway. That annoying smirk on his face was being worn just a _little _too proudly for the blonde's tastes this morning.

"You're upside down," the blonde grinned madly from his new point of view on the floor. Everything was so much better when you're sprawled upside in Naruto's opinion.

Isn't it weird, though, that Naruto wasn't concerned that someone randomly appeared in his room?

Yeah… that blonde is one weird kid; he is.

Sasuke ignored the blonde's weird observation, because his eyes were too busy exploring the, now exposed, chest of his boyfriend. He had to admit – Naruto had one hell of a body that much was for sure.

The blonde's tanned, well defined, chest glistened from the sun's rays grazing over him at a ninety degree angle – making it even more beautiful to Sasuke than he could have ever dreamed of… and he has dreamed about it quite often.

Continuing with his lewd examination, half-closed, onyx eyes slowly walked across the vast plain of Naruto's stomach until they landed on that delicious dip where the blonde's waist disappeared into the unknown territory of Naruto's stained boxers.

If it weren't for the fact that the raven was so consumed with his – very dirty – thoughts, the obvious signs of a shitty day approaching would have been much more obvious, and hopefully prevented (HA!).

But alas, dream sex makes even the smart people oblivious to the most obvious of things.

"What are you staring at, Teme?" although his words were meant to be bitchy, Naruto couldn't stop the raging blush from conquering his cheeks from the raven's blatant staring.

"Are you going to get up?" Sasuke completely ignored Naruto's question, because he's eyes were just so glued on the, slightly erotic, view that was being presented to him so easily in the morning.

"Nah, I think I'll just chill here for a while until the blood rushing to my head knocks me out." You should really watch that annoying sarcasm of yours, Blondie.

Sasuke scoffed, "You had a wet dream, didn't you?" he motioned towards the stains on Naruto's boxers. Leave it to the raven to turn an awkward situation even more awkward.

"No!" Naruto screamed, outraged that Sasuke could make out such accusation like that! Maybe the blonde just had issues with wetting the bed after eating too much ramen the night before? Or maybe the stains were from dropping his boxers into a puddle of water that randomly appeared on his bedroom floor?

Silly blonde…

"You suck at lying," Sasuke chuckled when he was met with a glare, and a colorful rainbow of curse words. "Just change your boxers so we can go already."

"Why should I?" did you really just ask a stupid question, Blondie?

The raven sighed, feeling those tiny little strands of nerves snapping one by one. "School starts in five minutes. I was supposed to be there half an hour ago to go over something with Kakashi. But obviously I can't do that when I'm waiting on my idiot boyfriend to gain some common sense."

"Hey, I have_ a lot _of common sense, Teme!"

"Bull," the raven deadpanned, folding his arms across his chest in arrogance, and possibly agitation and the blonde's stubbornness. "If you had any, you would have taken your ass off the floor and into the shower already."

"Maybe I don't want to take a shower," Blondie, don't play a game you know you don't have a chance at winning.

"Just take off your damn boxers, Naruto!" Did you guys hear that? That was the sound of Sasuke's nerves finally snapping, one by one, like a domino effect.

"Take 'em off for me if they bother you so much!" Before Naruto even realized what he had just suggested to the raven, the blonde was already pinned on the bed, with skillful hands tugging at the hems of his boxers.

"Remember," Sasuke breathed into Naruto's reddening ear as he gave it a gentle nip, "what's about to happen to you is all your fault." He warned before his hands traveled down into Naruto's boxers, grasping the blonde's awakening manhood.

"Nngh," any logical retort the blonde could have made, was quickly being forced down by Sasuke's tongue.

Oh well, the two could be a little late for school after all…

Maybe the signs for a shitty day were all just a hoax… yeah, not likely.

+Akatsuki Cosplay Café: It's approaching!+

"Teme, get the fuck off of me!" Naruto growled, trying his best to push his attacker off from his waist, but to no avail. Sure, the blonde may seem pissed on the outside, because once again he was lead astray to the wonderful world of orgasms, but in reality, Naruto truly loved the feel of Sasuke's protective arms wrapped securely around his waist.

Just not while he was trying to go down the stairs with only his over-sized t-shirt on, no boxers – poor things got thrown away somewhere – and the urge to eat before stepping into a hot, and needed shower.

"But you're so comfy," Sasuke mumbled into the crook of Naruto's, his hands slowly making their way to Naruto's thighs…

"GAH!" the blonde froze in terror – or more like, confusion – at the sight of fiery orange hair sticking out from his refrigerator making horrible munching sounds.

"What's the matter – who the fuck is that?" Sasuke stopped in his molestation of his blonde at the sight of those horrible munching sounds, like some savage bear was eating away at Naruto's food.

"Get the fuck out of my fridge!" Naruto ran up and kicked the refrigerator door on his intruder, earning a growl and a beautiful curse word to be thrown at his face like a sharp weapon.

"Dammit Kid, don' sneak up on me like that." The monster in the fridge slowly stood up from his bent over position and yawned out the kinks in his back, while munching on a turkey thigh he found in Naruto's fridge.

Sasuke stood in shock at the massive creature in front of them. He had to be at least six feet tall, and those scars on his face made him look like some ex-hit man. The man's fiery red hair looked more like a lion's mane, sticking up in all directions that could probably never be tamed with a single hair brush.

And then there was how the man talked… which sent Sasuke into a cringe every other syllable.

But, probably the strangest thing Sasuke couldn't wrap his head around, was the fact that Naruto seemed so calm staring into the face of this fiery red-head, beast of a man.

"Well maybe if you wouldn't shove your head into my fridge, you freaking pig, I wouldn't have to kick you!" Naruto snapped right back, even though the crazy grin he was sporting was telling Sasuke that the blonde wasn't mad in the least.

Actually, it looked like the blonde was enjoying this more than he should be…

"Oi, who the fuck bought yah this house in tha first place?" the monster red-head grabbed Naruto into a headlock while giving him one hell of a head rub with his knuckle.

The blonde squealed with laughter as he allowed this man to ruffle his hair like that. And all the while, Sasuke was standing near the doorway, pissed beyond belief that yet again, _another _red-head was having his way with _his _blonde.

Maybe it's the raven that's going to experience the shitty day rather than Naruto.

Then again, we still need to find out who the hell this red-head is in the first place!

"Ah, Teme, meet my pain in the ass, Uncle Kyuubi." Naruto finally introduced the two after his daily harassment was taken over.

Kyuubi didn't waste a moment giving Sasuke a once over before allowing a smug smile to creep on his face – revealing a, very sharp, pair of canine teeth.

"Is this your new bitch?" did you hear the sound of Sasuke cringing? It can be quite loud at times. "He looks pretty scrawny if you ask me." Kyuubi roared with laughter even while being stared down with glares from a raven and pouts from a blonde.

"You're such an ass, Kyuubi!" Naruto punched his uncle in the arm, and Kyuubi merely looked at him with mock shock.

"Me? An ass? You must be kidding."

Naruto growled, before walking over to Sasuke and linking their arms together. "Look, I may look over the fact that you came into my house uninvited – even though I still don't know _why_ –,"

"- I was hungry," Kyuubi interjected, picking some imaginary lint off of his black, fitted, long-sleeve shirt.

"Right," Naruto rolled his eyes. "Anyway, I won't overlook you making fun of _my _teme. That's my job," he ended with a goofy smile before bringing his lips together with Sasuke's.

Well then, one point for Sasuke today.

"You gave the bitch a pet name?" Kyuubi asked, pretty much ignoring Naruto's and Sasuke's spurts of affection and smirked, "I have no problem with you and the emo kid over there dating, just that your father might think, otherwise."

Naruto's grip tightened at the sound of his father being mentioned. He should have known that seeing his uncle out of the bloom wasn't just because the overgrown beast was hungry – that was only partially correct.

Oh my, perhaps this day really was going to become shitty after all. Oh ho ho…

Sasuke completely confused about what problems Iruka would have with their relationship, considering the dolphin was pretty much gay as well. Oh Sasuke, how does it feel to be out of the family loop?

"Where is he?" Naruto asked, actually attacking the situation head on.

"Not here," Kyuubi deadpanned.

"Dammit, don't beat around the bush! Where's my old man?"

"That's classified information, Kid."

"You're uncle's a bastard, Naru." Sasuke added in mindlessly, smirking at the lovely little finger Kyuubi was happy to show him because of the statement.

"And you, bitch, look like a scrawny little girl," was Kyuubi's oh-so-mature retort.

"You're driving away from the subject," Naruto grumbled. My oh my, this really is turning to be into a shitty day! His beloved uncle and boyfriend are about to lunge at each other's throat. And now, Naruto was feeling a strange throbbing where down in his foot area… which was really turning out to hurt like a bitch.

"Your father is coming, I'll tell you that much," Kyuubi stuck his head back into the fridge for another turkey leg – damn those things tasted good!

"Get your head out of my fridge!" Naruto kicked his uncle again with his throbbing foot, "And when will he be here?"

"Fo nows, fo da fhuck 'ares," Naruto's uncle mumbled with a mouth full of food. It was such a pleasurable sight to see.

"If you're not going to be any help, get out of my apartment!"

"Fine, fine, fine," Kyuubi mumbled after swallowing his last bits of food, "Oi, before I forget," he said while being pushed to the door by his irate nephew, "your old man says to go to school and stop having morning 'exercise' with your bitch."

Naruto said nothing as he slammed the door on Kyuubi's face, but his blush spoke a thousand words. His father was close, apparently so close that he had gotten a good view of what Sasuke and the blonde did this morning.

This only added on to Naruto's anger… that, and the fact that his foot was now throbbing immensely, and he had to limp back to his boyfriend while cursing his brains out.

"Let's just go to school," the blonde mumbled darkly, walking past the raven to grab his book bag.

"Alright, but I don't think the teachers of school will allow you to go in _that_," the raven made a notion towards Naruto's over-sized t-shirt and delicious looking butt cheeks. "Not that I would mind though," Sasuke growled huskily, sending vivid shivers up along the blonde's spine.

"Teme," the blonde couldn't really think of a comeback, mostly because he was trying to fight down his hard on. So instead of making some form of witty comeback, the blonde stalked upstairs ready to handle another fun-filled day of school.

Ha… like that was ever going to happen.

**CRACK.**

Fallen: I shall not bore you one and all with Naruto's shitty day at school! So, we are skipping to the café were you can see all your sexy, gay men in one spot! If you'd like to know more about Naruto's shitty day, the information shall be at the bottom.

Kyuubi: Enjoy the rest of the chapter, bitches!

**FIXED**

+Akatsuki Cosplay Café: It's a Shitty Day+

"Get your hands, off my ass _right _now!" Naruto screamed, punching his attacking in the gut before making a beeline to Gaara. Hiding behind the red-head, Naruto stuck out his tongue in an immature way as his perverted attacker retreated once Gaara gave him a death glare that could even scare the devil away.

"Why don't you hide behind me, Na~ru~chan~?" Sai purred, wrapping an arm around the blonde's exposed neck.

Today was Genie Day at the café, and all the customers had a chance to choose a random lamp at random. For an hour, whoever had your lamp was your master, and the workers at the café had to do whatever their masters told them to do.

Of course, there were always guidelines to what the genie's could and couldn't do, but we shall not dwell on those boring details and head along with Naruto's shitty day.

"Get the fuck off of him, Sai," Sasuke growled, pulling his boyfriend away from those perverted monsters the blonde called 'friends', and into his arms.

"You're no fun," Sai faked whine. Oh how Sasuke wanted to give Sai one hell of a kick to the crotch.

"Blondie, what are you doing dilly-dallying?" Hidan walked up, swaying his hips back and forth for much needed affect. He was the belly dance for the day, of course. "Your customer is not happy, and we can not have an angry customer on our hands."

"Well, that bastard over there can just kiss my ass for all I care." Oh Blondie, if only you knew how many people actually _wanted _the chance to kiss that nice ass of yours…

Moving right along, then.

"Someone has a stick shoved up his butt today, un." Of course, Deidara also had to make himself known by riding on Sasori's back with a crazy grin on his face. "Did you wake up with the sun on your face at a ninety degree angle?"

"Was your shirt above your belly button at more than three inches?" Hidan inquired, fairly amused.

"Or did you wake up from a wet dream?" Sasori was the last to finish the interrogation.

Naruto's face was dumbstruck. It was like _every_one was there this morning! Or, maybe, they also read the book on "How to Know When Today's going to be a Shitty Day".

The two were highly probable of happening.

"Does everyone know what I did this morning!" everyone, including Gaara and Sai, nodded and mumbled the words 'Yeah, pretty much' at the blonde. Well then.

"It's pretty obvious," Itachi also had to make his appearance, and decided to place himself next to Hidan for good measure. "That and you've been limping on your foot all day," Itachi pointed towards Naruto's foot, "Deranged relative stopped by for a visit, I see."

Now Naruto was certain that these psychos had bugged his apartment.

"They're dead on, Dobe," Sasuke couldn't help but smirk at the situation at hand. It was just _so _funny to him – the sadistic little raven.

"Ugh, fuck this!" Naruto threw his hands in the air in exasperation, stopping off to the Cosplay Closet to; hopefully, get away from the madness of it all. On his stomp, Naruto bumped into a girl who couldn't have been more than thirteen years old – already exploring the world of gay man – and scowled as the two collided.

"Oh, I'm sorry!" the girl hastily helped Naruto to his feet, only to get a growl in response.

"Watch we're you're going," my my, Naruto, you should never be mean to a thirteen year old girl – it's just not good.

"Sorry!" the girl blushed, nervously biting on her, pink, chipped nails. She was pretty much astounded by the beauty of the blonde looming above her, and she was bouncing on walls on the inside at the pure luck she ran into.

"I picked your lamp," she started off eagerly.

"So?" wow Blondie, way to be a bastard.

"Sooo," she moved back and forth on her feet, "I was wondering if I could have a kiss as my wish!" the girl slightly puckered her glossed lips, hopefully awaiting a kiss from her loyal service.

Well, sorry to say, but reality can be a bitch sometimes.

"You want a kiss?" Naruto couldn't help but scoff. "You girls are all the same. You come here because you have no _real _love life of your own. So you all indulge yourself in seeing us perform embarrassing acts of homosexuality day in and day out. Well you want to know something girly?" he leaned into the girl's quivering face and smirked, "If you really want a kiss, go find your self a fucking boyfriend! He'll give you all the damned kisses you want!"

"Naruto!" Itachi's voice froze the blonde in his mini rant. His shitty day at school, mixed in with his weird morning, his throbbing foot, and his perverted attack had already gotten the better of him. "You will _not _talk to _any _of the customers like that, _ever _again. Do I make myself clear?" the older raven had to level his voice, clenching his fists to hold back a yelling tirade he wanted to give to the blonde.

Naruto really pissed off Itachi this time. Ignoring the stares he was getting from everyone else, the blonde ran into the Cosplay Closet with a worried raven hot on his heels.

"There, there, princess," Deidara cooed, bending down to the girl's level and flashing a smile. "King Deidara will grant all your wishes!"

"Then… would you strip for me?" the girl asked, wiping her tears away after receiving a chaste kiss on the cheek.

"Of course I can!" he cheered along with the ecstatic girl who was finally going to view her first gay man strip! What joy!

"Weasel-san…" Hidan whispered, trying to reach out a comforting hand towards his lover.

"I'm going outside," Itachi mumbled darkly, brushing off Hidan's hand and stalking outside.

If only the blonde had paid attention to the warning signs…

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1.) Naruto's shitty day at school may as well just become a oneshot to this story one day. If you'd like that, tell me, and I'll see what I can do :D.

2.) My new Fanfics in the works will be Kick/Start and J.U.M.P. K/S is the first story, and here's the summary I've been working on that sums it up.

**Naruto runs because it makes him free. Gaara runs because it makes him feel alive. Kyuubi runs to escape from his past. Neji runs in defiance ot his parents. And Kiba runs to feel accepted. **

That's all I have so far, but it's basically a story about freerunners. And I'll leave you in suspense there 8D.

J.U.M.P is the second story, and it'll be based more on Sasuke coming into the group - and actual romance will be sparked.

When these stories will be published, I have no idea, probably after STI is done.

Anyway!

**NEXT TIME ON THE WONDERFUL WORLD OF COSPLAY!**

**WE'RE ENTERING A BACKSTORY ARC!**

**Chapter 14: Itachi's Story**

**Summary: Basically a backsory on Itachi's past with Orochimaru, ChiChi, and how the Cosplay Cafe idea even started.**

Till Next Time! Please don't forget to review - they make my day all bright and warm (: And I sort of need to smile right now.


	14. Itachi's Inception

LMFAO! 69 REVIEWS 8D!

-Keels over from laughter-

-clears throat- Anywho! Quick update, right? Well, I sat myself down to right this, because I love you all very much. And love makes the writer grow stronger ;D.

Or something along those lines...

**WARNING: This is in Itachi's POV for the WHOLE time. We've entered the backstory arc. So for like, the next six chapters, we learn about how the Cosplay Cafe came to be. Its such a touching story, really -sniffles T^T. Some, minor violence. Crossdressing, and ChiChi returns! Also, I'm quickly posting this as my time on the computer runs out, so sorry for any spelling or grammar mistakes that occur D:.**

**I changed the original title for this chapter! The backstory arc will have alliteration titles now haha :D.**

Read & Enjoy!**

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**Akatsuki Cosplay Café**

**Chapter Fourteen: Itachi's Inception**

**(Backstory Arc Begins!)**

"This cigarette tastes horrible." I gagged as the harmful – yet strangely uplifting – chemicals entered into my body. Yes, I may be complaining about the cancer stick in my hand now, but we all know I wasn't about to put it away anytime soon.

The red ribbons from my headband fall in my eyes and I growl, swatting the annoying things away. They were obscuring my lovely view of the hazardous, gray, wispy, tendrils floating into the air – possibly heading to destroy the ozone layer as we speak.

God I'm so irritated, but not by the blonde. I, more or less, expected such an outburst from Ru-chan. The signs were annoyingly obvious from the get go. Oh no, I was severely pissed off for more, pertinent, reasons.

Hidan was nowhere to be found at the moment, and I wanted a fucking flashback! Of all the times for the idiot to _not _use his dumb luck to find me, he chooses _now _when I'm having major flashback cravings.

Does he not know that this is a back story arc? Or does he choose to just be an idiot and ignore the pleas of a flashback running through my mind?

Cigarettes always seemed to bring those out of me. That and my – very sexy – emotional side come out to play as well.

"Where is he?" growling once more, I snubbed out my fourth cigarette, itching to start fifth one – and tell my flashback, dammit!

"Weasel-san!" was that the sound of my annoying lover running towards me? Why yes, indeed it was. About time the buffoon got here.

Running towards me with a big grin on his face, I'm holding back the urge to slap him once he leans against the wall with me. It was just one of those grins he had that always brought out the sadistic side in me – the side I'm always happy to let loose.

Instead of smiling – like my red-stained lips wanted to – I tilted my head to the side – the black mini-extensions I added in earlier falling along my shoulder – with the cigarette dangling from the corner of my lips, as I casted a bored glance towards Hidan's way.

He was still panting, and somehow I found that strangely erotic… Especially when he's panting after we've had sex.

"It's ChiChi, Honey." I blow a puff of smoke towards his face along with a 'Too-stressed to-give-a-damn' attitude.

That's right, gag as the toxic smoke clogs your system. Maybe you'll even lose a few brain cells while you're at it.

"Fuck, Weasel-san-!"

"-ChiChi," I corrected.

"Itachi," Oh my, we're on real name basis, now. Who would have thought things would have turned to this?

"Yees?" I drawled, leaning my head against his shoulder and batting my fake eyelashes. My words were like honey, sticky and sweet, obviously sending Hidan into tiny spasm of pleasure.

Sort of like an orgasm…

"What's biting you in the ass this time?" seeming to have recollected himself, Hidan wrapped an arm around my thin waist and pulls me close. Nuzzling his face into my neck, he hums softly before giving the exposed skin a gentle kiss.

Damn him and his affectionate side, sometimes.

So instead, just to play with him, I scoffed at his question. "Can't someone got out for a smoke without being interrogated?"

Alright… so apparently I was playing with him _too _much by the glare he was giving me.

"Don't play dumb with me, Itachi-,"

"-ChiChi," I warned stubbornly, scowling to add in a more, menacing – and highly sexy – affect.

The buffoon just rolled his eyes. Have I mentioned that they have that sort of… mysterious drawing power to them when the silver-haired man decided to become serious for a speck of his life?

Hmm… I haven't? Well then, glad to throw it out there now.

"You _never _bring out ChiChi unless you're either really bored, or really stressed out." His warm breath tingled along my pale skin. Of course, I had to choose the red maid's outfit with the halter top feature…

"What makes you think I'm not the former?" I'm highly intrigued by what sort of possible answers could come out of his mouth. Even though I know Hidan is smarter than he'll ever lead on to be – I've seen his other side more times than I'd like to count – but why he never shows it, I'll never know.

It must be for kicks.

"Because you're smoking." He deadpanned.

Well then. "Your point being?"

Hidan sighed. Once again his warm breath was tickling my skin, causing the hairs on my pale plains to stand on edge, ready for a kiss that probably won't come till a midnight romping session.

"You're really difficult as ChiChi," he murmured quietly, shaking his head, and causing his hair to rub up along the small crook of my neck where it meets with my collar bone.

"Honey, I'm difficult all the time," I smirked, burying my face into those soft tresses that teased my skin. "Not just while I'm wearing flattering dresses."

"The apron was a nice touch," Hidan nodded along, fingering the fabric of my apron.

"I know," I grinned lazily into Hidan's ear, loving the sound of his chuckle.

Too bad things changed from lighthearted to serious in only a few moments.

"Anyway," he dropped the fabric from his hands, and spun me in his arms until we were staring face to face. "Back to the smoking thing," of course we head back to that, "you never do that unless you're seriously pissed off about something. So talk to me, Weasel-san."

The concerned look in his eyes nearly warmed my heart. But since I was ChiChi here, and obviously not Itachi, the concerned look sent all those warm, tingly feelings down to my groin. It still got the same affect, though.

Sighing, I decide I'll give into his pleas for once, and place a wet and sloppy kiss on his forehead. "Flashback," I whispered into his pierced ear.

"Eh?" oh, don't give me that confused look. I didn't just whisper sensually in your ear to be misunderstood.

"I want a flashback." I replied stubbornly, fixing the man beside me with an Uchiha glare.

"But Weasel-san…"

Did he not hear me the first time? Or did he willingly allow the nervousness to slip into his words just to piss me off – because it was working. Jabbing my unlit cigarette in his face, I let my words show about every bit of malice I've been holding back since my flashback cravings began.

"Look, I've been standing here for ten minutes, smoking and pissed off as hell because I've been waiting for a flashback to take over." I glared at the man beside me, and I inwardly smirked at the shiver that danced along his body. "If I want to have a flashback, then dammit, I will get one!"

"This doesn't make any-," is that a retort I'm sensing? Well then, I will have none of that, mind you.

So, being the resourceful raven that I am, I grabbed Hidan by the neck, and pulled him in for a chaste kiss that lasted a mere three seconds. When I pulled back, our breaths were intermingled, and even though it was such a simple kiss, Hidan's face was still ablaze, and his eyes were half-closed in want.

Yeah… well you're not going to get anything since I've been deprived of a flashback for so long, you buffoon.

Smirking, I leaned in again, only to pinch the fool's cheek with a mad grin plastered on my face.

"It's flashback time."

+Akatsuki Cosplay Café: Let's Go Back a Few Years+

It was sickening having to watch those two get all hot and bothered in front of a crowd of horny women and leather-clad men. Honestly, I'm starting to think that these people only come to see real-life porno playing in front of their eyes, rather than relaxing from a hard day of work, and sipping fancy tea in pretty cups.

But no, they come here to release sexual tensions for a – in my opinion – heinous fee of 59.99. If it were me, I would have most definitely bumped up the price to at least sixty dollars per sex position my workers got into.

Sadly, this isn't even my café; I just worked here for the sheer pleasure of dressing up, and the wonderful feeling of pissing off my father.

Instead, Orochimaru-sama was the lucky bastard of this café, but he still wasn't milking all of it's worth! Instead, he spends his time devouring that lackey of his, Kabuto. He should be getting _Kabuto _to do inappropriate things for the general public, and charge extreme prices for them to watch – prices that the people would have looked over because they were so entranced by Kabuto.

But now I'm rambling, and normally when that happens, some wise-guy gains a pair and tries to make a 'smooth move' for my ass.

Unfortunately for him, though, he looses the pair he just grew, and whimpers away at my glower – the fool.

Sighing at my, now wrinkled, Lolita dress, I place the platter I was holding on some nearby table and start to obsessively fix my outfit. Smoothing out the wrinkles seemed to ease down my annoyance at how simple my boss could be at times – especially those times that involved money… and lots of it.

Alright, my dress is all in order, but I can't say the same about my stockings. So, letting my OCD take over, I hike up my stockings with a flare that only an Uchiha could pull off, and scowled at any bastard who thought he could try pulling them down again.

If they wanted a freaking freebie, they could take their asses to Orochimaru – the idiot would have happily accepted a sex friend.

"ChiChi," I cock a bored eyebrow towards my boss – apparently he finished his onslaught on Kabuto's neck quicker than I expected – and couldn't help but scowl at how unprofessional this buffoon could be at times.

"Hai, Ro-sama?" Ugh, the sickening sweetness in my voice nearly made me vomit. I couldn't really say it had the same affect on my employer.

"I would like you to report in my office in five minutes."

"But I'm on break," I deadpanned, leaning casually against the table – my stockings fell a little, but whatever, gave the man and all the other horny people around a nice view – and smirked smugly.

Not only was I difficult towards my boss, I could also still show off my sexy sides towards customers and hopefully bait them into my trap of sexyfine goodness.

Smirking at my scowling boss, I nod my head absentmindedly at his order and turn my attention to more, pressing, matters. Like how the hell did Kabuto appear at my side so fast? Unless he too, wanted a chance to obtain my sexyfine, in which I couldn't really blame him.

My beauty was flawless, you know.

"You shouldn't get on his nerves like that, Itachi." The lackey pushed his ridiculously small glasses up the bridge of his nose. Okay, so he didn't want a piece of my sexyfine. If not, then why the hell is he bothering me with information I already know.

"And he, my dear friend Kabuto, shouldn't be wasting the golden opportunity placed at his feet." I calmly replied, toying with the frills on my dress.

"What are you referring to?" You really think I don't realize you're playing dumb right now? Glasses are meant to help you see, not impair your vision even more. But alas, the fool was humoring with me, and dangerously treading on thin ice.

Glaring slightly, I have no time to sit here and argue with him since Orochimaru-sama wants me in his office soon; I pick up my empty platter and hand it off to him as I walk off.

"You're smart enough to figure that off for yourself. Now if you would excuse me." Smirking at the scowl I've managed to rouse from him, I – almost happily – sashay my way to Orochimaru's office.

If you thought I didn't catch the looks pointed to my ass before the door closed behind me, you were wrong.

_Moving on…_

"You wanted to see me, Ro-sama?" I had to admit, even though the man didn't know how to milk in a cash cow, he did have a very nice office. Plush, dark green carpets accented the black walls very well, in my opinion. What turned me off though – and will still send me into shivers, even till this day – was that while some men showed off their prized trophies on the walls: deer heads, elk, the works, Orochimaru had a strange fetish for snakes…

And well… let's just say he proudly showed that on his walls…

"Drop it, Itachi," he growled out, glaring those golden yellow eyes towards my way.

If I were anyone else, I'd be shaking in fear at the pure malice those words possessed. But, I'm not anyone else, and his threats were mere empty words in my mind. Banters like this were common between the snake freak and I, so you could say those words have grown on me after the few months I've been working here.

"But I thought you liked it when I called you Ro-sama, Ro-sama."

"You're pushing your limits, boy."

"It's ChiChi, not boy, Ro-sama."

"I still don't see why you were so keen on choosing that _ridiculous _name as an alias." Shaking his head, I silently chuckle at the man before me counting to ten and taking deep breaths to come himself down.

I found ChiChi to be a wonderful name for someone of my stature. That and it was highly original with a nice ring to it. The name really rolls of the tongue.

"It's a good name," I stated stubbornly, really not seeing where this meeting was going – other than sending the man's blood pressure through the roof. "Now, is there something that you wished to converse about, or can I leave to sedate the horny urges of men and women alike?"

"You make it sound so tedious, Itachi." Because it was – but I kept that little tidbit to myself: no need to send Orochimaru to the ER _yet_.

"Well, when they're charging us ridiculously low fees to only lift up my apron, the job becomes quite dull."

"Itachi, for the last time, you can not charge people twenty dollars for every inch above your waist you lift up that accursed apron of yours!"

"You're absolutely right," I shook my head in mock shame. "I should be charging them thirty dollars for every centimeter I raise up my God-given apron."

A lethal growl escaped Orochimaru's throat, and I knew I must have seriously pushed some buttons here and there. Oh well, they were highly enjoyable to push.

"Why are you so concerned about money, pray tell?" instead of blowing up like I expected him to, the snake freak just leaned in closer, twirling that stupid feather pen in his hands. "If I remember correctly you are the heir to the Uchiha clan's thriving empire, yet you treat money like its some valuable resource that claims to be accepted and worshipped."

Not worshipped, revered. There is a difference.

"Your point being, Ro-sama?" Ah… the wonderful sound of a vein popping - music to my sinful ears.

"What's your purpose for working here, Itachi? You've never actually gotten around to telling me, so let's use this time now for you to talk."

Alright… so the snake freak just slipped into therapist mode. Okay, I can easily evade any sub-plots full of angst and resentment with some mild humor on my part. So, I reclined into my chair just as he reclined into his, and brought my fingers to my temples in a thinking position.

"My father isn't exactly the 'generous' type. Hence, I happily defy his wishes and work here just to spite him." Smirking, I twirled the end of my dress with my index finger. "I especially like being paid to wear dresses. It's quite nice really."

"Is that all?" Orochimaru cocked an intrigued eyebrow.

Why yes, it was. What more did he want, a freaking back story? "Yes it is. Were you expecting me?"

"Actually, I was." The snake freak deadpanned, playing with the ends of his hair.

Well then.

"If it were up to me though… I'd change a few things around here."

Orochimaru groaned, "Itachi, don't change the subject."

Too late, "For instance, invest in more, expensive and better quality, lines of dresses."

"The one you're wearing right now is pure Egyptian cotton!"

I checked the tag on one of the dresses I wore. It was only 99.9% pure Egyptian cotton. Hence, I've been wearing a lie for the pass five months.

"Another thing!" I leaned forward, enjoying the buzz I was getting from going on a much needed tirade.

"Itachi-,"

"-ChiChi," I corrected him with the same amount of warning in my voice, that was in his. "Another thing: We should charge more for anything above the PG-13 rating."

Orochimaru slammed his fists on the mahogany desk. Apparently he heard enough about my complaints on the pricing. About time he finally lost his cool, anyways.

"What I charge now is just fine! The customers are happy, and my workers get paid a quarter of the price for their performances." Orochimaru chuckled darkly, those golden eyes of his twinkling with mischief. "If you really want to change things so badly, then why not open your _own _café. Do what you want, charge your own ridiculous prices, anything your little black heart desires."

You know… the man could make a whole deal of sense when he wished to. The thought had crossed my mind before. Numerous times have I woken up during the night, only to jot down small ideas for Cosplay themes that would pop into my mind. Hearing Orochimaru actually _suggest _such a thing to me, only confirmed my choice into chasing my dreams.

Opening my own Cosplay café, and charging the _right _prices for sex.

"That doesn't sound like a bad idea." I chuckle when I see his face drop at my unexpected eagerness. "I've always wanted to have a business of my own."

"B-But." Did he just stutter? "From what you've told me, your father would never approve of such a thing! And what about your family's' company? What will you do if its success plummets because of you?"

"I have a twelve year old brother. He can take over for me." I waved my hand at the thought. In all honesty, I could always take over the company as a side job, but I don't see that coming anytime soon.

"You're so difficult at times, Itachi." Orochimaru grumbled, searching for something in those many drawers of his – most likely his pain medication.

"It's ChiChi," I smiled smugly.

"So, It's safe to presume that you're quitting." It surprisingly hurts me to hear that somewhat happy tone slip into his voice. I thought we had some sort of kinship after the few months I worked here.

Apparently, I was wrong.

So, of course, to jab needles into his side, I must be as annoying as I could possibly be. "Of course not, are you mad? This is the only job I'm actually able to tolerate. That, and you do give me a decent pay." I slowly rose up to my seat, the forms and blueprints for my new café were already spinning through my mind.

"I don't have enough money on my own to start a business. And like you said, my father would never support me. So allow me to say: It will be my pleasure to work with you for the next couple of months."

Smirk proudly plastered across my face, I hummed happily at the stunned look I received from my boss. Ahh… what a wonderful feeling it was to mess with my boss as much as I could.

"You do know I have the right to fire you." It wasn't really a question, but more of a statement as my hands reached to grab the metal doorknob – I was so close to freedom, dammit!

Alright, compose yourself, Itachi, as you think of a witty comeback to throw at your boss for the finishing blow.

Ah… the perfect comeback just fell within my grasp.

"You won't fire me, because I'm sexyfine." With that last statement hanging proudly in the air, I made my way out into the sea of men and women a like, ready to share my sexyfine with the world.

_Moving on even more…_

Alright, so the last few hours of work were boring enough. A few times, a customer tried dragging me into the supply closet, only to be escorted out by no one other than Asuma Sarutobi. He was a pretty chill guy when he wasn't craving for a cigarette.

I can thank him happily for getting me hooked on the stuff in the first place.

Moving back and forth between tables, showing off my legs, and overall being indifferent had nearly wiped me out. But our last pair of customers was slowly walking through the door, and it was my job to be the greeter to day.

Grumbling a nice strew of curses, I took my dandy time walking to the door before having to place another fake grin on my face.

"Welcome, my dears, to the House of Dolls. How may I serve you today?"

"Itachi, what the hell are you doing?"

Uh oh… lifting up my head slightly, I'm face to face with the eyes of my furious father and my overly amused mother. What the hell were they doing here in the first place? They weren't supposed to be here!

"Ah, Fugaku-san, nice to see you've finally arrived." That freaking snake bastard was right by my side, bowing respectfully to my fuming father. It was _him_ that brought them here, I should have known. But how in the world did he ever get his phone number?

"Phonebook," Orochimaru chuckled darkly while my parents were being seated.

I now have an irrational hatred towards phonebooks till this day…

"Itachi, you look so pretty in that dress!" my mother cooed, pinching my cheeks while I brought out their cakes. It was hard to remain pissed off and indifferent when you were being showered by affection from your mother.

But, the angry vibes I was getting from my father easily neutralized my mother's loving coos.

"Would you like to say something, Father?" the sooner I get things out in the air, the better.

"I have nothing to say to a man who doesn't know his true gender." Was his gruff reply.

Alright, that one pierced my heart quite a bit. I knew my father would never be happy with my choices, but he could have at least tried to accept it a little. Oh how I wished I could wipe that irritating smirk off of Orochimaru's face right now…

"I know what gender I am father. I'm only doing this for the money."

"Bull!" my father roared, skyrocketing from his seat. His face was flushed in anger, and I'm pretty sure I heard a few veins pop hear and there.

"Dear!" my mother warned. She pouted at his sudden outburst, but not really doing much to stop him.

"We have all the money you could ever wish for, yet you still wish to work at some… some… tranny café!" Tranny was such a dirty and low term to use… "I'll have nothing off it!" Pulling my mother from her seat, my father gave me a cold glare and spoke with such anger I never thought was possible from him.

"I want you in the car in five minutes, with news about your early release from this job." Stomping away, his nearly at the doors before my voice reached his ears.

"No."

"Excuse me?"

Did I stutter? No, I don't think I did. "I said no, Father. I'm not going to follow you when my heart's screaming to live a life a Cosplay." I set my father with a cold glare of my own. "You were the one who taught me to do what makes me happy, and this is it."

"Yes, but I wasn't referring to skipping around in a revealing dresses."

Really, Father, really? Have you've ever seen me skip a day of my life?

Shaking my head, I rub my newly throbbing temples before sucking in a deep breath. "Father, I'm sorry to tell you this, but I will not be following you in your footsteps. Instead, I plan to live a life of frilly dresses and overpriced pastries. What do you think of that?"

I raised an amused eyebrow, only to have it lowered when the tingling sensation of a hand marked itself on my face. Was I just slapped? Apparently I was by the shocked faces I was getting around the room, and how flustered my father looked at the moment.

Without much of a word, Father stormed out of the café, leaving my mother to come forward and console me the way any mother would.

"Don't let your father get to you, Tachi." She whispered softly, raising a dainty hand to my, now bruised, cheek. "He's just shocked that his son looks very beautiful in a dress." I couldn't help but chuckle at that. "I'll see you at dinner tonight, alright?" she kissed me on the cheek and left with a nod on her way out.

I couldn't really move afterwards, and I didn't want to see the look on that snake bastard's face at the moment. So I just stood there, trying to process my thoughts on what had just happened.

Snake bastard wasn't happy, so he does a low blow and call my parents. Father wasn't happy, so he slaps me and storms out.

What a lovely end this has been.

"You were so cool…"

Eh? I turned my head towards the direction of that voice, and my own onyx eyes fell upon a pair of glistening purple ones. They sparkled with recognition and awe, and I couldn't help but be drawn in by their allure.

_This was the day I met you, Hidan._

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Last line was italisized (however you spell it) for a reason!

I borrowed Monounoke's word sexyfine 8D lmfao! Hope yah don't mind ^^

**Short AN I know.**

**Next time on ACC: Hidan's High**

**Summary: Told in Hidan's POV. Just all about his love with Itachi and how he gets involved in this Cosplay Madness 8D.**


	15. Hidan's High

**WARNING: I tease you all with smut. This is in Hidan's POV. Chapter 15 is a long one~. Um, I overuse Hidan's messed up religion, but no worries, I dont believe in speaks in Dutch, so have a Google Translater handy. My humor comes and erupts like an orgasm, but that's pretty cool. Oh, and you'll probably pee your pants laughing, so read this chapter while in close proximity to a toilet.**

**Thank you, and have a nice day.**

Read and Enjoy (:.

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**Akatsuki Cosplay Café**

**Chapter 15: Hidan's High**

"_This was the day I met you, Hidan."_

Wow, I'm actually sort of shocked that Weasel-san remembered our meeting all those years ago, yah know. It wasn't the most _memorable_ experience. Hell, it was pretty average to be honest. Nothing amazing happened like Jashin arising and spreading his glory around the world, or some dude in his mid-sixties finding out the cure to cancer.

You see, that day started out like any other day. I was walking along the streets of downtown Tokyo, around the busiest district where the most people would be. Yah see, I was on a mission – a _very _important mission.

One that would change the world!

"Long live the almighty, Jashin!" I raised my picket sign tall and proud, marching around my little sidewalk area. I beamed with pride when I actually got some people to look at me. They were actually taking notice.

But then they had to go and be bastards by laughing at me. Thanks guys, thanks a bunch.

People were so ignorant nowadays. I mean really! Who doesn't want to live a life where there is such a thing as a yellow brick road and a wizard of oz. I don't know about any of you guys, but I'd be skipping down that road all day.

But that's just me though. Other people don't find the idea of skipping appealing enough to let go of their bastard ways.

Anyway, the bloody sun's hiding behind the skyline and the crowd of people either starts to shrink, or grow bigger, as time goes by. You'd think that with a city as big as Tokyo, you'd have more people open to other religions! But, oh no, they'd rather sit in their nice little homes and pray to some sacrificial ashes that will never turn into a full, human body.

So, to put it sadly, my hunt for new Jashin recruits was a failure, and now I was starting to get seriously hungry.

"Dammit," I mutter into my hands as I sit on the sidewalk. My feet are killing me, my ass is throbbing – the hard sidewalk doesn't help at all – and my stomach is rumbling like a hungry lion. I need food! Food, food, food!

"Jashin, since you're up there watching your faithful disciple, please help some food cross this way!" I'm pretty much on my hands and knees right now face on the floor as I go through the motions of praying to Jashin. You'll understand it better if you do the motions as I explain it to you all, fellow readers. First off, you get in turtle position – or even better, doggy! – and you place your face on the ground with all five fingers spread out – sort of like if you were showing off the number five. Alrighty, after all that's done, you raise your head up slowly, and start to bring your hands closer to your face until their on both sides and start to wiggle them.

After that, open your mouth in the form of an "O" and proudly declare what you want! If you _really _want to get into it, don't forget to roll on the ground a few times, and maybe even get creative and make up some of your own moves.

Jashin likes a creative pupil.

"Young man, what the hell is wrong with you." Eh? Who the hell said that? So I looked up from my position on the ground – I was currently on my back, legs bent and arms up like a dog ready to be petted – and blush all the colors of the rainbow when I see this stiff-upper lip guy staring down at me.

Alright, so he had nowhere near a British accent, but he had that air around him that screamed: "I have money, bitch, so suck my wealthy cock". If that wasn't bad enough, he looked just like a little raven I know… only the raven I knew was way hotter.

"Obviously I'm meditating here." I somehow manage to roll up and sit Indian style on the ground. The older raven growled at me, and I can't help but replace his face with the younger raven I know and smile.

Joshing Jashin was my imaginary raven smexy!

Anyway, I'm heading way off topic here. The older raven above me is still trying to burn my skin with his onyx gaze, but I already put on my bastard repellent before I left the house, so I was safe for another six hours. Instead, I try to use to a peaceful switch of operations and search through my messenger and pull out a plastic bag of Jashin pins.

"Here you go, sir!" I jump up and happily place the pin on the man's shirt. "Top van de lijn, Jashin pinnen! Gereserveerd voor deze ontluikende volgers!" Ha, it's so funny switching langauges on other people. Because their faces go into that "WTF" mode and it's a riot seeing them trying to figure out what I just said.

You see, follow Jashin and you become multi-cultural! Actually... I have my parents to thank for that, but I could really care less about them, so yeah.

Older raven dude grimaced, "Speak English." He growled and threw my pin on the ground with a loud smack.

Did he just throw that? Yeah, yeah he just did. That fool! How could he tarnish Jashin property like that? Let me fucking at him, I'll punch out his fucking lights!

"Hey you!" Oh wait... he just stormed inside the building behind of me, looking pretty pissed off, I might add. Alrighty, next time I put a button on someone, I'll ask permission first. I couldn't help but wonder what could have pissed him off like that so much.

"Sorry about that, sweetie, my husband can be such a prick." Wow, so even his wife had foul things to say about him. Smiling a little, I can't help but feel my breath was just taken away when my eyes landed on the petite raven in front of me. I mean, seriously, this lady was freaking beautiful!

My eyes trail down her body, and she's perfectly proportional. I can't help but drool and wonder if this would be what the little raven I knew would look like if he was a girl. I can't say I'd be disappointed.

"Oh, no worries!" Why the hell am i feeling so self-concious? Alright, Hidan, we've already established that she was gorgeous, now can we act a little more like a man and do our job? I go down to pick up the wrongly abused button from the ground when my stomach starts to rumble.

My stomach was a funny one. It starts of quiet, but then – as it grows hungrier – it starts to get louder and louder, until it starts its own freaking percussion movement! Don't believe me, just start humming the Lion King along to my stomach, and you'll be truly amazed.

"I'm guessing you're hungry?" she giggles when my stomach does all the answering for me. "Well you're one lucky guy, me and that prick were about to go in for some dinner. Would you like to join us?"

"Um, actually I don't know if I should-," okay, so I really didn't have much of a choice since my stomach decided it would like to be an answer and rumble like a freaking earthquake.

"I'll take that as a yes." The prick's wife grabbed my hand and dragged me into the cafe. I was literally taken aback at this frail woman's strength. She was humming some random tune easily dragging me along with her through the café like it was nothing!

I have finally met the female Hulk – even though I would never call her that to her face.

"Sit right here sweetie, and whatever you order's on the house." She smiled down at me, carefully throwing me onto one of those sofa-like chairs meant to house a rambunctious family of six.

Now who was I to say no to free food?

So now I'm sitting here, bored out of my mind, waiting for someone in a dress to come take my order. Five minutes later, no one has come out yet, so I'm forced to let my eyes wander throughout the floor. Okay, so there's an elderly couple eating a parfait, two teenagers sharing a Lady and the Tramp moment, and two guys in dresses getting it on in the floor.

Yup, everything was pretty bor – what the fuck! Why were those two guys in dresses? And how come they were so open with their gay affection?

But the question that haunts me the most is…: Where could I get some of that?

"Ah, I see you're interested in the raspberry, vanilla swirl." The gray-haired man with glasses smirked at my lustful gaze. Eh, so that's they called what those two guys were doing? Kinky…

"I'll have what he's doing…" did those words seriously just come out of my mouth! Oh dear Jashin! Slapping my hand over top of my mouth, I can tell by that amused look on the dude's face that he's heard people say those exact lines before… and more.

"I was referring to the ice cream, sir."

"I knew what you were referring to…" just sink a little bit closer into your seat, Hidan, just a little bit further…

SMACK!

Heavy panting, mixed in with a red faced father, and of course, an indifferent looking younger raven, brings up everyone's attention to the cause of the sound of flesh on top of flesh.

And no, I was not referring to the couple who were making love on the table…

There he was: my raven! The person who was currently the object of my lust, crush, affection, adoration – you name it! Itachi Uchiha, K University's sex god of the year, and dammit, did those stockings look like such a tease to take off…

He most definitely lived up to his reputation of being calm, cool, and collected because it was like the slap he just received from his father didn't faze him at all. Instead, it looked like he could have taken on fifty more smacks and just smirk them off like nothing.

Oh my Jashin… he was so cool…

After that, the same prick who threw my button on the ground, stormed out of the café with Itachi's mother shortly following after him. I probably would have never noticed this if I wasn't so intently staring this sex god down but… Itachi looked sort of sad.

And something was just tugging on my heartstrings to change that.

Before I even realized what I was doing, my feet were already walking towards the beautiful raven in front of me. I was so close… I wanted to reach out and cup his face in my hands, and just kiss him mercilessly…

Gosh… my throat was so dry. Breathe, Hidan, just remember to breathe and not twitch nervously and he might even look in your direction.

My breath catches in my throat when my eyes get a better look of the man in front of me. It was like Itachi was living in a different world – one I wanted to be apart of badly. He was fixing his stockings that kept on falling from his thighs. If it were up to me, I'd yank them right off, just so I could see those gorgeous legs of his…

Joshing Jashin, now I'm getting a boner. That's not a first impression someone would want to make on the person they were currently crushing on.

"You were so cool…" the words escape my lips before I could even stop them. Itachi turned towards me, and for a moment it was like Time was standing still. It was just Itachi and I, no one else could bother us as cool onyx collided with nervous purple.

My breathing was turning shallow, and the room was sort of spinning on its backside. Just calm down, Hidan! The worst he could do would be ignoring you outright and walk away…

"Who are you?"

Or, he could do that.

+Akatsuki Cosplay Café: HA! That's Not the End of This Chapter+

I feel like someone went off the deep end and kicked me in the gut a couple of times.

Then, took a few more sips of beer and went for my heartstrings – ripping at them one by one.

Fuuuck, this orange juice tastes terrible!

It's like, noon, and I'm supposed to be in class right now (learning about how the alphabet somehow mixes in with math) but I'm not. I can't stand sitting there, hearing the clock tease me and tick on slowly, while my professor drones on and on about stuff I'll never really need.

When Jashin arrives, there will be no such thing as math. Hence, I refuse to indulge in it.

So instead, I'm sitting in the quad sipping the shittiest tasting orange juice in the world, and completely heartbroken. What was I expecting, really? For Itachi to smile at me, those drop dead gorgeous onyx eyes sparkling, and just run into my arms?

Well yeah, I was, but a guy could dream, right? Only to have those dreams crushed under the big foot of reality. Just damn it all…

You know, I really wish that the sun would just evaporate right now. Its brightness was mocking me – like I wasn't already depressed enough – and I would find it extremely hilarious if that big, ball of sappy sunshine just imploded.

Man… that would be great…

"Do you normally smile to yourself?" why yes, all the time, but – wait, who just said that? And why was there a shadow looming over me? Did Jashin really hear my prayers and extinguish the sun for me? Oh what joy – oh holy shit.

The looming shadow above me was none other than the mean who cut out my heart and fed it to rabid iguanas. Alright, so he didn't flat out reject me, but Itachi didn't even know who I was! That's close enough to rejection in my book.

But what I couldn't wrap my mind around was the fact that Itachi was standing over _me_. Starting up conversation with someone like _me_. Don't get me wrong, I'm not some hopeless loser destined to have no friends, I'm actually pretty popular. Just that, I don't have close friends, just acquaintances.

Get what I'm saying?

Anywho, let's get back to the gorgeous shadow looming above me.

"Sometimes," I shrug nonchalantly. I gotta play cool. I gotta play cool! "You should try it." And we can't forget a sexy, yet alluring smirk…

… One that gets shot down by a glare and a scowl. Fuck.

"What are you trying to say?" he's still looming over me. Scowl in place, eyebrows scrunched together and eyes slit as they peer deep into my soul. Sometimes I truly wondered if Itachi was part devil by the glares he could give.

"That you should smile more as all." Just keep shrugging, Hidan, he's almost halfway to being convinced!

"I smile enough." Was his lovely retort, and before I knew it he was already sitting next to me, moving so that I could get the perfect view of his perfect face. "See, I'm smiling right now." He pointed his finger up to his sad attempt of a smile, eyebrows quirked in amusement.

Oh sweet Jashin, he Itachi just looked so funny then! One part of his lip was twitching, and you could see he was straining to maintain his smile for more than three seconds. I couldn't last for a good five seconds before I was clutching to my sides and laughing.

Itachi's "smile" turned into a frown, then a mini-pout, and finally into an all out scowl once I was finished with my round of laughter. "What's so funny?" he asked when the last bubbles of giddiness left me.

"You are!" I laughed once again at the lovely little finger he gave me. Jeez, he was so cute when he pouted… "No offense, but your smile seemed highly forced."

I didn't expect to see what happened next. A tiring sigh fell from the raven's lips, as he ran a steady hand through his midnight hair, before hanging his head in slight shame. Alright, I honestly don't see what the issue here is. Big deal, he can't smile, I can't do a split, but I'm not hanging my hand in shame, am I?

"Dammit, I thought I finally got it to at least an acceptable grin." He muttered under his breath. Did I just hear that correctly? Because to my ears it sounded like Itachi had took valuable time to actually _practice_smiling.

I guess the raven really did strive for perfection in absolutely everything. I found that quality of his highly attractive, and somewhat warming in a way. Now my heart's hammering in my chest, and I feel sort of breathless, but I thank Jashin for giving me this moment with Itachi…

"Here, let me help you then." I didn't mean the words to come out as a whisper, and I _know_ I didn't mean to cup his chin to bring it upwards. But now, I couldn't stop what I was doing, and it looked like Itachi wasn't going to stop me either, so what the hell?

Go with the flow, I say.

Bringing my fingers to either sides of Itachi's perfectly, red-tinted, lips, I slowly manipulated them into a small smile – all the while I was trying to hold back the tempted urge to faint. My heart was beating so loud and hard, and I'm pretty sure I was sporting one hell of a blush.

My eyes were solely trained on Itachi's lips, that even when I had gotten them set just right, I let my fingers brush against the skin before finally releasing him from my grasp.

No one moved, no one breathed, and that annoying sun was still beating down heavily on us. Time stood still, and all this nervousness was making me have to run to the men's room real quick. Our breaths intermingled, and I caught the intoxicating scent of cinnamon mixed in with cigarettes and spice.

Oh sweet Jashin, the scent went straight to my Dan Jr.

"Um," I thickly swallowed back all the random terms of endearment, or sexual comments, that were attempting to come out of my throat, "to keep your smile, you should think of something that makes you happy. Or, um, think of something hilarious! Like Prof in those shiny disco pants in stilettos." Oh jeez, now I was babbling. Someone just shut me up!

Itachi - who was still pretty silent even though I was rambling like a runaway train - fished through his pockets for a handy dandy little mirror. Till this day, if you ever asked Itachi why he had such a thing like that, he'd tell you it was for "checking people out".

If you asked me, Itachi preferred to check himself out rather than others.

"You're the one…" he whispered. Lifting those onyx eyes till they met with my own purple eyes, I saw those tiny sparkles of realization, eagerness – and maybe hunger – flash through them.

"I'm the one what?" the one to save the world? The guy who stole his virginity (I wish)? The guy who won the lottery?

Which one was I?

"Come with me." Well then, thanks for answering my question. Blatantly ignoring my protests – I swear I could see him grinning madly – he grabbed me by the arm and started to drag me by the arm. Hello, I am a fragile human being here and my arm can only withstand so much!

"Itachi, you're hurting my arm, dammit!"

"Stop whining."

"I'm not whining, I'm protesting."

"And there's a difference?"

"Of course there's a differ- gah!" Alright, sure, you can break our sad attempt of a humorous banter to throw me into an art room. It's not like I mind at all! Rubbing my abused tush, I try to give Itachi a glare that could rival my own, but I'm no match for that small little grin that tugs on his lips.

Have I mentioned he was cute? Because he was, I assure you.

"What were you saying?

Oh how I wished I wasn't such a wimp to his sadistic ways.

"Nothing," I grumbled, and happily helped myself from the ground. Itachi made quick work of pulling up a canvas, easel, and a stool and before I had the chance to find my balance, I was already being pulled once again.

"Take a look at this." He folded back a sheet a paper, and leaned back so I could get a better view.

My breath was literally ripped out of my lungs and used as a punching bag when I saw that drawing. It looked like whoever drew it – which was probably Itachi – mercilessly abused it with an eraser and pencil until the outfit was just perfect.

It was a ballerina costume, only darker and sort of suited for males. It was strapless, and ran down to the waist where it fanned out into different layers. On the top half was a gothic cross, and on the bottom half, the tutu was embroidered with thorns.

Accessory-wise the only thing Itachi had so far was a raven mask, black gloves, and a gothic cross necklace.

Was it strange that I had the perfect image of Itachi wearing that outfit in my mind?

"Kawaii!" I gushed, completely awestruck at the beauty of the image. And how much I wanted to see Itachi in that dress…

"Eh?" what does he mean by: "Eh"? Did I stutter? No, I honestly didn't think I did, but by the look I was getting from the raven, it was almost like I was talking in some foreign language.

"Speak English, you buffoon."

"But we live in Japan." I deadpanned, not really fazed by the insult. "Wouldn't it make sense for us to speaking Japanese?"

"…"

No matter what anyone tells you, there is such a thing as a Fourth Wall. Nuff said.

Anyway, after that awkweird moment passed, I pulled up a stool and sat next to Itachi – who looked pretty deep in thought at the moment – still admiring his artwork.

"It's missing something." He finally blurted out after a few moments of awkweird silence.

"Like what?" I leaned in closer, trying to see what in the world Itachi couldn't be happy about with his creation. It was absolutely gorgeous! And it would look so much better on Itachi…

"Something…" he muttered, and pulled out a pencil from his back pocket. Whoa, that pocket of his just never ceases to amaze me.

Now, here's where the fun part comes in. One moment, Itachi would be struck with a stroke of genius, ready to scar the piece of paper with an idea. Only to curse at it, kick a nearby stool – my stool – and go back into thought.

This went on for about three minutes.

"I think you should add a halter to the outfit." I finally suggested after collecting my wrongly abused stool. Itachi raised an eyebrow, but I got the silent notion to continue, so that's what I happily did. "You know, kind of like those tops with the straps that cross like an 'X'." I did the motion for the 'X', "And then all you have to do is connect the straps with like, a chocker or something."

More awkweird silence followed, and before I knew it Itachi was grinning madly putting my idea to action. With a little shading here and there, a couple of erases, and a broken pencil or two, the alterations were finally done.

"Perfect," he happily admired his work.

You know, this may seem random, but I've always wondered what it would be like to be around Itachi all the time. To be the type of person he could trust and smile around freely. I also wondered a lot what it would be like to hug that lithe body of his, or kiss those seductively red-tinted lips.

These thoughts kept me up at nights in more ways than one…

"Sooo," I tipped back and forth on my stool, "what's the sketch of the dress for?" Curiosity finally bit me in the ass cheek, screaming it was time for me to finally drop the question. Itachi merely regarded me with cool and calculating eyes before smirking.

"What do you know about Cosplay?"

+Akatsuki Cosplay Café: HA! Of Course This Isn't the End Either+

Did you ever feel like something was just too good to be true?

Or maybe, that somehow life had taken a hilarious turn and you couldn't keep up?

Well, that's just the way I was feeling – minus my growling stomach – at the moment as I was sprawled against the bed, shirt half opened and black sweatpants hanging lazily on my hips. Who would have thought that Itachi was an avid Cosplayer? Better yet, he didn't even dress up in his favorite anime character; he just liked to use it as an excuse to wear dresses.

My dream of seeing Itachi in that dress could actually come true after all! But that wasn't the only reason why I was overflowing with happiness. Itachi actually trusted me – _me _– the guy, who he didn't even know, with his own ideas for the future!

Even going as far as to ask for my help to obtain them – I can die a happy man now.

RAWR, RAWR, RAWR!

And there goes my stomach, demanding for food. "Hai, hai, I'll feed you already." Grumbling, I tumble out of bed, only to skip towards the door for food. Apparently a hungry stomach doesn't flush the happiness from your system at all.

Alrighty, so I just preheat this mac and cheese for three minutes, and then remove the plastic film. That sounds easy enough. Whistling, I punch in the numbers and do a little twirl.

"You seem happy." Holy crap in a sandbox, I recognized that voice from anywhere. It was the same wonderful voice that sent shivers throughout my body involuntarily. My heart was the soundtrack playing to my surprise as I slowly turned on my heel to meet face to face with the smirking raven.

It was like he was milking me in for all I was worth. And I don't want to sound full of it, but I know for a fact his eyes were skimming along my naked torso as he leaned against the doorframe.

"How'd you get into my apartment?" I asked casually – even though it was failing – just like Itachi never walked in on my twirling, and brought out my warm mac and cheese.

"Landlady," was his simple reply as he walked into my kitchen and sat at the island.

Of course, that woman would give away the deed to her fortune to someone who barely batted an eye of her. Was I really surprised that she handed over the key to my apartment?

"And my address?"

"The school," he shrugged, taking in a great notice of my quaint and homey kitchen.

The same thing could be said about the secretaries at school with their sense of morals.

"Ah," I nodded and sat across from him at the table. "So what brings you here?" was my voice faltering? I hope not. My heart was about to jump out of my chest I was so excited.

Inside my mind: _Itachi came to see me! Itachi came to see me! *dances*_

"Simple: I want sex." What? Mac and cheese flew everywhere as I wiped the back of my hand from my spit take. Did I seriously just here that word come from his mouth? Oh Jashin, please don't let old age be taking its toll on me now!

And, oh my… was Itachi blushing?

Dreams really do come true!

"S-Sex?" Itachi nodded while his blush increased. "You mean when the penis penetrates the-,"

"-Yes!" the raven groaned and shook his head, muttering some things before he glanced up to look at me. "This might sound highly strange," no, really, "but you were the only one I could come to for this."

Me? He would actually favor me over anyone else to come to about sex? To actually have sex and do all the things that sex involved? Oh sweet Jashin… if this is all some messed up figment of my imagination, just leave me strapped to the straight jacket!

"Why me?" I leaned in a little bit closer, trying to steady my voice – but that was ending up to being a fail.

"Must I spell it out for you?" he groaned once more, and I smirked. If this was heading where I thought it was, I'd be making him groan a lot more… "A Cosplay café in Tokyo can't just survive with men in dresses alone. We need something more eye catching and sexyfine to please the masses."

"Sexyfine?" I snorted.

"You're driving away from the subject." He growled out.

"Sorry, sorry," I raised my arms in defense. "Let me see if I'm following. You want us to have sex, so we can practice our skills to please the fantasies of horny men and women alike?"

"Precisely," he grinned, and leaned in closer. "Also, I'm not going to beat around the bush when I say this. You're attractive, and you've caught my interest…" his slender fingers danced along my bare arms, sending shivers up my spine before they landed on my cheek. "And I'm not going to deny that I do have some, ulterior, motives when I came here today."

Our lips were so close… his fingers were burning my skin, and I threw out all forms of sanity right out the window.

Alright, so he didn't know my name – as of yet – but that doesn't mean I wasn't going to make him scream it later on.

+Akatsuki Cosplay Café: Nope, Not Done Yet+

Tongues tangoed, and fingers fumbled with annoying buttons. Our hips grinded shamelessly together, and I couldn't stop the moan that escaped from my lips when Itachi's wonderful lips attached themselves to my lips.

Fuck, he was just so… so beautiful. The sweat glistened on his skin, and his lips were parted slightly – covered in a thin sheen of saliva – as my fingers tweaked and played with a perky little nub. I just wanted to please him so badly. The desire to make things go right, so that hopefully it would happen again, and drive Itachi insane with pleasure.

Pretty soon clothes were flying everywhere and my tongue was lazily strolling along the wonderful deft plains of Itachi's chest. It licked, and lapped, and sucked – leaving bruises and marks wherever it went.

I gazed up occasionally, only to see Itachi's long eyelashes brushing pink cheeks, and eyes half-lidded in lust.

Oh yes, I was most definitely pleasing him.

My tongue flicked in and out of his navel, as my hands gently massaged quivering thighs. I finally reached my destination – his cock – but I felt like being such a tease right now, and merely kissed his throbbing cock and diverted all my attention to his inner thighs.

The groan of disappointed I got in response nearly sent me into spasms of laughter.

A gentle kiss there, and a loving suck there, I took all my time on those wonderful, slender legs of my raven. Reaching to the tips of his toes, I kissed each and every one – nipping at the big toe – before trailing my tongue back up those wonderful legs and to his throbbing cock.

Time for the fun to begin.

Mind you, I never really had sex with a guy – mostly girls – but I have touched a few dicks once or twice in my lifetime. My fingers gently caressed his balls, while my tongue went adventuring and flicked over the head of his shaft.

Nngh, the sound he made when they made contact almost made me cum right there and then.

Feeling more than motivated, I quickly soaked the shaft with my own saliva. I mercilessly licked the leaking manhood until I had Itachi bucking his lips and begging for release.

Not like he had to beg in the first place.

I took him into my mouth slowly – even though I really wanted to speed up the process – but I had no idea if this was Itachi's first blowjob or not. Hell, I didn't even know if this guy was a virgin or not! But I wanted to make him feel… special, to feel the greatest pleasure imaginable.

My head bobbed up and down, experimentally toying with his shaft, happily dancing on the inside when Itachi started to grip at my silver-locks to get more of a feeling. Placing my hands on either side of his hips, I had to hold him down just so I wouldn't get choked.

Itachi was pretty big…

So, to make up for that, I gently stroked his thighs before moving on to his balls once again until I heard that final groan of ecstasy when he came inside my mouth.

I felt so high right now. My ears were a buzz, and the taste of Itachi was so much sweeter than I could ever possibly imagine.

I licked my ways upwards, taking time to bite and suck on a nipple, to kiss his neck, before our lips meant once again in a slow and passionate kiss.

"If you thought that felt great, wait till you feel my cock."

+Akatsuki Cosplay Café: Almost there!+

"Why are we here again?"

"For inspirational purposes, obviously."

"But, Itachi, this is a pet store."

"And your point is?"

Dear Jashin, sometimes Itachi was way too stubborn for his own good. Sighing and shaking my head in defeat, I merely glance up at the sign above us.

_Pets Galore! Come find your new furry friend._

Was it weird that beside the sign was a guy dressed up in a cat costume…?

"Come on now, Hidan." Itachi playfully tugged on our intertwined hands and dragged me through the door. Yes, that's right, he finally learned my name! Took him awhile too, but who am I to complain?

"Aw, Itachi look!" I held up a little weasel in my hand and smiled. "Isn't this the cutest little thing you've ever seen?"

Itachi just gave it a once over before turning his attention elsewhere. "I've seen cuter."

"Oh come on, look at it!" I held the weasel up to his face, only to have him scowl at me in mock anger. Gosh, he was so adorable. "It looks just like you!"

"What's that supposed to mean?" he was even cute when he glared too!

"I mean, you sort of look like a weasel." I nodded in agreement to my own statement after doing a double take on the two. Yes, they both had the same amount of cuteness, along with those intellectual, dark, eyes.

"You know, coming from anyone else I'd take that as an insult." He smiled softly – he was getting much better – and leaned over to kiss me on the cheek.

Dammit, the dude was just too cute!

"So we can buy him then, Weasel-san?"

"Sure – wait, what? No, Hidan, you are not buying that damned vermin. And don't even think about adopting such a ridiculous nickname!"

"Too late~" I sang, running towards the cashier. Itachi would surely come around and love the weasel sooner or later! If not we could always stuff it in some old lady's purse.

"Hi, I'd like to buy this weasel, please!" I greeted the blonde cashier happily, ignoring Itachi's curses and threats as he approached.

"Ah… S-Sari, we have customers – AHHHH!" the blonde cashier threw his head back, blue eyes rolled in ecstasy as he body shook in convulsions of pleasure. I was so fucking shocked I dropped the weasel onto the floor.

"Well then," Itachi said quietly, coming up behind me with a weird smirk on his face.

_And that's when Weasel-san and I adopted two, sex-crazed bunnies_

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Hahahaha, leave it to Deidara and Sasori to have sex in a pet shop.

This chapter is dedicated to all your Itachi and Hidan fans out there - gives you hugs and flowers!-

**Next time on QAF. I kid, this is ACC:**

**Chapter 16: Sasori and Deidara's Sex Daze.**

**Summary: -WORK IN PROGRESS- But basically, probably, mostly smut, and how Sasori and Deidara get tagged along. This chapter will be told in both Sasori and Deidara's POV, because I know you all don't want to be bored with a wonderful backstory 8D.**

Don't forget to review! I really do appreciate the feedback I get (:, it makes the creativity flow! And I'm so freaking pumped for this story, yo!

Till next time (:.

*Oh, BTW, do tell me if you'd like me to break the fourth wall again. I'm all up for destruction of imaginary property ;D.*


	16. Sex Daze

**Thank you to my loyal reviewers and readers who have stuck with me so far! I'm trying to speed through the backstory arc, so bare with me please :D.**

So, I made a deviant art account, and a mediaminer account. Deviant is where I finally get off my lazy ass and draw me own fan art. I'm hoping to upload my picture of Itachi in his tutu tomorrow. But I have one of Naruto Neko from Emo Neko Day :D. Mediaminer is where you'll find the first chapters of new fanfics to come. I have Kick/Start on there, and I'm uploading chapter one of Resuraced (both Naruto) after this.

You can find the links to them on my profile.

**Warning: BLOWJOB! First part is in Deidara's POV, second is in Sasori's. These bunnies drift off and thinking about sex, ALOT, but we do finally get into somewhat of a backstory plot :P. Hahaha.**

I'll be doing replies to reviews next chapter.

Enjoy!

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**Akatsuki Cosplay Café**

**Chapter Sixteen: Sasori and Deidara's Sex Daze**

"Ne, Sari~" I lazily rolled our naked hips together, his name falling of my tongue as a moan, while we laid together on the floor – completely oblivious to the world around us. Not even the groans of complaints from the guys, or the squeals of excitement from the Panties could break us from our hormonal driven world.

That's what sex does to us – drives us crazy, and makes us oblivious.

It's pretty nice.

"Hm?" Sari's eyes were closed tightly in pleasure as his hands were clutched firmly on my hips. He bucked upwards, causing a freaking geyser of pleasure to just _shoot _through out my body! Good God, I loved what this man could do to me.

Bodies still enrapt in some dirty tango, my head falls on his shoulder while my lips tease with the skin below me. "I feel like having a flashback…" don't ask me why that came out of my mouth. I'm still thinking it was because the crazy, hot friction from two dicks rubbing against one another was sending my brain to mush. Or maybe because some higher, outside force was quietly pulling puppet strings, forcing out a flashback.

Then again, it could be the hormones talking. Who knows?

"A flashback?" Sasori calmly grabbed one of my butt cheeks and gave it a tight squeeze before forcing me downwards onto his cock. "Is that some new term for cumming?"

"No-AH!" Damn it, Sasori, of course you just had to shove that sinful finger into my hole and wriggle it around. Panting heavily, my hips unconsciously push back on the little intruder while my brain's slowly melting away from the heat…

"Then why do you want a flashback?" Is it really necessary to shove two fingers in? Fuuuck, it feels so good…

"Hnnaaah," I moaned, completely and utterly swept away into this man's ways. Jesus, if I didn't love Sasori as much as I loved sex I'd shove a stick of dynamite up his ass and then, BOOM, instant gratification.

But, Sasori already has a hardened stick of dynamite for my own personal use – ready to explode on command. So who am I to complain?

Wait… what was I talking about again? Oh, right, a flashback; the one thing that I seem to want right now other than Sasori's cock.

Mmm… Sasori's cock…

**Fourth Wall is DOWN!**

Fallen: One, tracked, mind.

Deidara: What's that supposed to mean, Fallen?

Fallen: Oh nothing, just go back to your sexual activities.

**Aww, the Wall is Up.**

"Yes a flashback," I bite onto a nub and suck slowly. The low, rumble that reverberates from Sari's chest flows straight through my body and right to my groin. Sasori's moan was a drug I'd love to be addicted to…

"Why?"

"Why not?"

"It doesn't seem necessary."

"Like Hell it doesn't seem necessary, un!" I chomped on his nipple – nom nom nom - successfully brining out a grunt from my red-head, before sitting up and looking him square in the eye. Have I ever mentioned that Sari's eyes looked so fucking gorgeous when he was horny? No really, they turn two shades darker – like cinnamon – and I could get lost in them forever…

Wait… where was I going with this? Oh, right, my flashback.

Sasori – who looked pretty pissed that I stopped noming on his nipple – merely sighed and grinded our hips together to keep some of that sexual tension flowing. "Will it make you happy if we leave for a flashback?"

"Hai~!"

"Will I get mind blowing sex, afterwards?" Sari raised that oh-so-sexy eyebrow of his. His fourth finger was already entering me, by the way.

"That's not the only thing I'll be blowing." Winking – I fucking love sexual innuendoes! – I dragged my tongue down his chiseled abs, stopping to make out with his belly button, only to tease him once my warm mouth met with his throbbing cock. "But first I must get my flashback, Sari~"

"Damn it," he moaned and glared at me with lustful eyes – Jesus they were smexy! "Fine, whatever, but I get to tell the flashback."

"No way, I totally called doing that!" and just to make my point very clear, I nommed on his dick so hard Sasori probably felt someone went psycho and threw ninja stars aimed at his crotch.

Don't think that's possible… then you should get out more. It happens all the time.

"Does it look like I care?" actually, it looked like he wanted to fuck the shebang-bang out of me. But I didn't say that out loud… Sasori _hated_ it when I said shebang-bang.

"It looks like you care a lot," I said in-between licks.

"Nnn… Well too bad, I'm telling it anyways." Before I could do anything in protest, I was already pinned underneath Sasori's God-gifted body, with his freaking stick of dynamite ready to enter me… and most likely explode. Wink, wink, nudge, nudge.

I never got my chance to say anything, because Sasori had already shoved his length inside of me, and pretty much made my brain turn into a pile of goo.

+Akatsuki Cosplay Café: Sex Makes You Crazy+

+Sasori's POV+

It was an ordinary day. Full of all the things that makes a day ordinary. Deidara was clamped to my side, drooling on my naked chest – which was sort of sexy – and mind probably off somewhere dreaming of sex, or his next art piece.

On the walls were jizz stains from the times me and the blonde didn't bother using on the bed. And strewn on the floor were leather whips, vibrators, g-strings, and our cat.

We didn't have a name for our cat, but Deidara wanted to name it after Van Gogh. Which, to most people, seemed pretty normal since the blonde was an artist and worshipped all things that were colorful. But if you _really _knew my blonde, you'd know there were _always _some hidden sexual innuendoes involved in whatever he did or said.

I won't tell you the sexual innuendo in Van Gogh, because there's always Google to tell you all your answers.

Anyway, the annoying sun streamed through our curtains, and when I shifted under the sheets Deidara's leg connected right in my groin. It didn't help that I was always perky in the morning, but that one, swift; movement sent all forms of waking up out the window.

So, for the next half hour, I fucked my blonde senseless.

"You, fucking, sex monkey!" Deidara growled at me, trying hopelessly to put on his pants. I didn't dare tell him he was putting them on backwards.

"You didn't exactly stop me," I shrugged, ironically grabbing a banana off of the table along with a bottle of Sunny D.

My blonde spun around on his heel, and stared me down for all I was worth. He placed a finger against my chest and tried to "intimidate me". Yeah, you sort of lose your scariness once you submit to someone in bed, but it was cute how he tried.

"Now lookie here, I am a human being. I would be such an idiot to pass up good sex."

I merely smirked, "That was such a bullcrap response."

The crazy blonde rolled his eyes at me, but he couldn't deny it anyways. That's right Deidara, I see your smile. Don't try to hide it from me. So, he just grabbed me by the hand – by the way, his pants were still on backwards – and pulled me out of our apartment.

Now we were just chilling in the car. And by "chilling" I mean, my hand would grope his crotch every five seconds, and Deidara would try to swerve through traffic without hitting anyone in the process.

"Damn it, what if I hit somebody, Sari?"

I shrugged, "Just say you were to busy climaxing to notice you bumped a tailgate."

He nodded, like that answer would sedate any cop, and entered the downtown district. "And if they don't believe us?"

"We could always give them a show."

My heart thumped against my ribcage at Deidara's smile. It was… beautiful – but don't you dare fucking judge me for saying what I'm about to say. This blonde, sex maniac, of a guy was the only one who could get actual emotions from me. Why? Who the fuck knows, but what _I _know is that I'd never want anyone better.

Now then, if you ever hold that bit of info against me, I'll slaughter you.

Moving on, then.

We arrived at our job, Pets Galore, with only a few minutes to spare. Honestly, I don't see why we were such a rush to leave in the first place. We _owned _the store, and only bought it because we thought it would be such a riot to lace the store with hidden sex objects.

Like the cat nip wasn't really for cats, but an aphrodisiac. And the dog leash wasn't really for dogs either. And the fish bowls… well, those were for the fish, but leave that alone with Deidara and me in a room for five minutes and we'll find _some_way to make it perverted.

"Hurry up, Sari, we gotta feed the fishes!" Deidara attempted to pull me from my seat, only to realize I was still caught in the seat belt. Like I said, I did love this blonde, but sometimes I wonder if he's really all there…

Or, if the mind blowing sex we have finally did blow his mind, after all.

"The fishes can fucking feed themselves." I spat out, turning on the shop lights before making a beeline for the front desk. I was getting slightly horny now. It was probably because my eyes landed on this sparkly, blue leash that would look so fucking sexy on Deidara.

Hmm, I'll see if I can coax him into it, later.

So, for about six hours we've had a few customers flock in and out. Whenever it was a girl customer, Deidara would scream: "You're such a cute little Panty!" and try to show them one of our most popular pets, only to frown in disappointment at the new trademark, hand print etched on his face.

I told him to drop that annoying nickname a long time ago. But he'd just pout and tell me he couldn't even if he tried. Then of course I'd have to ask _why _he couldn't stop, only to hear some ridiculous story about how his older sisters would drag him underwear shopping by the time he hit Kindergarten; completely corrupting the toddler.

Once I heard that lame ass excuse, I'd scoff and roll my eyes in annoyance. Seriously, who would believe such a ridiculous story? Now if he told me that he used to live with a rapist who had one hell of a panty fetish – then I'd be more easygoing about it. But, shit happens, and Deidara never dropped that ridiculous story.

Hence, I get to mock him about it.

"You should start calling guys Boxers."

"Sari…"

"And the gay ones can be G-strings."

"You're pushing it…"

"And elderly people can be Bloomers."

I probably pushed the envelope too far with that last comment, but it was worth it seeing Deidara's cute, angry face. You see, his cheeks turn into this amusing shade of pink, and those light blue eyes of his sparkle with this amazing amount of passion.

The same sort of passion he shows for his artwork or when we're having sex.

He pushed me on the ground, effectively straddling my hips and pinning my hands above my head, face contorted in lust, and anger, and probably sleepiness too. Hmm, he was grinding pretty recklessly against my growing arousal.

"Don't stare at me like that…" Deidara breathed helplessly against my ear. It was these times where I'd get on my knees and admit that Deidara was, by far, the most adorable guy I've ever laid eyes on. Even when I'm the most intolerable bastard in the world, Deidara would always give me a kiss and say "I love you".

Those three words always sent my dormant heart into a spastic, gymnast routine.

And when we'd have sex, he'd make the cutest expressions in the world. Afterwards, once we're all jizzed up and what not, he'd curl up to my side and leave sweet, traces of kisses along my upper torso until he reached my lips for one final kiss.

Jesus, this guy has completely broken me.

"You're just too cute for your own damn good." Letting out an obnoxious sigh, I flip the tables so that _he _was pinned under me. His blue eyes looked up at me eagerly, and I knew what he wanted more than anything at the moment: me buried deep inside his warmth.

God, I was drooling just thinking about it.

Answering his silent plea, I wasted no time stripping us down to our birthday suits and attaching my lips to his bottom lip. I sucked and nibbled, until my tongue came out to play and skittered across the tantalizing flesh until the seductive cavern finally opened; and I went spelunking.

Violent shivers danced through out my body when our tongues touched. And my erection was throbbing painful for the same tongue to play with it as well. But, I'm a gentleman, and I must first please others before getting pleased. Or some shit like that.

Placing one gentle kiss to his lips, I start to trail my tongue down to his jaw, nibbling it slightly before trailing down his neck to nibble on that delicious looking vein. Just think of me as a vampire, only sexier than Edward Cullen and with cooler hair.

He moaned beneath me. His neck was always his favorite spot to be sucked on, other than his nipples or cock. Speaking of nipples… After I had enough fun playing Vampire, I kissed it goodbye and allowed my tongue to explore his chest even more until I landed on a hardened nipple.

Hm, which one to suck on first? Eeenie, meenie, minie – the right one. I could hear Deidara's moan in full stereo once I latched onto his hardened nub. Surprisingly enough, _Deidara_ was the one in our relationship that liked to do all that kinky shit, and fuck the rough way.

I, on the other hand, like sweet, slow, and pleasurable sex. But, as long as Deidara was contented, who was I to complain?

Anyways, I teased his left nub with my tongue until it stood proudly against his rich, tanned skin and it glistened with saliva, before starting to suck on it hungrily. My other hand was also busy tweaking, and pinching the right nub until it was ready for my sinful mouth to torture it.

"Nngh, Sari… please…" Deidara's eyes were shut closed in pleasure, as his hips grinded shamelessly against my arousal.

If I were a virgin, I would have jizzed right there and then.

"Please, what?" I nipped slipped my tongue in his ear before giving it a gently nip. My hand drew lazy circles on his abdomen. Always dipping a little lower than expected, only to be brought up to rub his belly again.

I was such a tease.

"You know what!" he grabbed my hand and placed it on his leaking cock. Dear God, this man was the fucking definition of sexy.

There goes my resolve, right out the freaking window. I carefully scooped the blonde in my arms and backed him against the counter – just incase someone actually decided to enter to store.

He eagerly gripped at my red roots, pulling me face to face with his twitching cock. Hm, I wonder what he could want. Smiling at the pout he gave me from hesitating, I gently kissed the tip of his head, enjoying the cry of pleasure that simple gesture brought him. His moans only encouraged me to lick the tip in circles, lapping up the precum, until moving on to his full shaft.

It was like licking your favorite flavored lollipop. You want to savor that taste forever. And even when you've licked it down to the stick, you can still taste that fruity flavor in your mouth. That was how Deidara was, to me. His essence was my drug that always sent a wonderful buzz through out my body whenever I drank it up.

I stopped being a tease about the same time Deidara started to plead for my full mouth, and gently eased him in. He was pretty fucking huge, but that's how I liked it. I started out slowly, up and down in a manner that would get him really worked up. Then I started to massage his balls – squeezing them and rubbing them while Deidara trashed above me in pleasure.

It's sad that all this time I never noticed the familiar bell ring of the shop door opening. Or the sound of voices indicating there were customers.

My pace sped up as Deidara started to buck his hips into my mouth. I had to hold him down by those slender hips just to keep myself from choking.

"Hey, I'd like to buy this weasel please!"

Aw fuck, there really were customers here after all. Eh, might as well give them something worthwhile to look at…

My naughty finger crept around Deidara's backside, probing his entrance before delving inside and striking his prostrate.

My blonde through his head back, eyes rolling and lips parting in ecstasy, "Ahh… S-Sari we have customers – AHHH!" Thank you for telling me this _now _when you're climaxing in my mouth.

Because that helps things out, a lot.

Five minutes of awkward silence passed. Even though it was more awkward for the couple across from us than it was for Deidara and I. The blonde just plastered a wide grin on his face towards the grinning raven and wide-eyed silver-haired man.

"Welcome to Pets Galore! How may we help you today?"

"Are blowjobs for everyone?" the raven prick looked so amused right now. That freaking eyebrow cocked in the air like he was some special shizz.

"Depends, how much are you willing to pay?" and there goes Deidara, always up to fool around.

"No, Weasel-san, only I can suck your cock!" wide-eyed guy over there finally broke out of his stupor enough to pull the raven into a protective hug and shoot my blonde a glare. Alright, so he didn't believe in sharing. I guess suggesting a foursome would be out of question, now.

His lose.

"Tch, you've only sucked my cock twice," Weasel-san – I'm guessing that's his name – pried himself out of the man's grasp, only to shoot him a glare that would cut the mightiest tree down to size with just a look. "And don't fucking call me that!"

"But Itachi isn't as cute as Weasel-san."

"He's got a point, un." Fun fact for you all: Deidara's hair was down to his shoulders then. And he was always complaining to me about how he wished his hair was longer, so he went hippie on me one day and grew it out – don't ask how. I'm only saying this now because he was currently pasting a bored expression on his face while twirling a piece of his blonde hair.

"Excuse me?" Leave it to Deidara to piss somebody off within the first five minutes of encounter.

"In my opinion, Tachi is a much cuter name. But when I look at you closer, it's so plain to see how much you resemble a weasel, un."

"Is that supposed to be an insult?"

Deidara just shrugged, "Take it as you want." Then he tries to drag me down with him, by casting a gaze in my direction. "What do you think, Sari?"

Damn you, Deidara. If I didn't think that feral grin you were giving me was such a turn on, I'd have beaten you to a pulp by now. The silence was thick with everyone wondering what the hell I was going to do next.

Now, Honesty was always my best policy. Until it got me screwed, that is. Then, I disown all thoughts of telling the truth and lie like a dog.

This was one of those times.

"I think he looks like a raven."

First, it was the overprotective guy giving Itachi a double take, then Deidara. After, like, five minutes of annoying silence, both my blonde, and Itachi's whoever-the hell he was broke out in laughter.

"Are you fucking mad?" No, I don't think I am. But you sure as hell are pushing the wrong buttons. "Where in the world do you get raven from?"

Deidara wiped away stray tears, "Jeez, Sari, I knew giving me a blowjob gave you some sort of high, but I didn't know it was _this _bad."

Itachi just smirked, "I sort of see it." he said glancing into a nearby mirror that hung on the wall. Then, he turned back at us like he just suffered a stroke of genius. "You guys are highly sexual, am I right?"

"Geez, what tipped you off? The fact that I gave Deidara a blow job in the middle of a store?"

"No, the fact that your pet store is laced with so many sexual innuendos it makes me dizzy just to _think _of them."

Oh. Have you noticed that the words 'sexual innuendoes' have been used, a lot?

"It's so funny watching people's reactions once they have the epiphany, un." Deidara laughed, probably reminiscing about all the times people have freaked out because a cat toy wasn't really meant for the cat…

"Interesting," Itachi chuckled and leaned forward on the counter. "It's nice to meet people like you," wow, way to make us feeling alienated, "you're just what I've been looking for." And now seriously freaked out, "I am Itachi, and over there you have my buffoon, Hidan." He grinned madly at us, "And we would like to know if you're interested in Cosplay."

And that was the day we got dragged into the world of Cosplay.

+Akatsuki Cosplay Café: We're Almost Sort of Done+

"Then afterwards we all went out for sushi to discuss Itachi's future plans and how we could help." Deidara was currently lying on top of me, head resting on my chest like a pillow, and hands threaded through my own.

"Aw, Sari, couldn't you have told me that in flashback form?" he whined.

I scoffed, "Of course not. I already got mind blowing sex; I don't see why I have to push myself to tell everyone about our past lives."

"Tch, you're such an ass, un."

And there comes my smirk again, "But you love this ass."

"I'm talking about your personality, not your body part." No you weren't.

"Oi, guys, get the fuck off the floors before Itachi comes here and skins our hides." And there goes Kisame, ruining our blissful after sex moment with his fucking mouth.

Oh how I'd love to stab him with that sword of his.

"Hey Kisa-chan~" Deidara sprung up, not even bothering to cover up his junk, and waggled devious eyebrows towards the blue-skinned freak.

"What?" he growled.

"You should tell a flashback!"

"A what now?"

"Flash. Back."

"Hell no," Kisame deadpanned, face set in stone. Nice try, Blondie.

"Oh c'mon, it'll be fun!" he brought out his ultimate weapon – his puppy dog eyes – and struck Kisame where it hurt the most. "Pleeaaaaseeeeeee~"

"… What's in this for me?" Kisame asked, finally breaking down. He was tough though, I normally lasted three second under that gaze while he held out for an astounding 5.69 seconds.

"Eh," Deidara shrugged, "we'll get to that mountain when the time comes."

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This was an okay chapter, seeming as I didn't feel like writing AT ALL today D:, because I want to hurry up and finish this backstory arc :o!

But anywho, I hoped you enjoy! Reviews are nice, and I hope you check out my deviant and mediaminer accounts. Even though deviant only has one drawing up so far (I ish so lazy T^T)

Have a wonderful day, I LOVE YOU ALL :D -blows rainbow kisses-

Catch them and live longer~

**NEXT TIME ON ACC: Kisame's Krazy.**

**We'll learned what happened at the sushi shop 8D. And how Kisame gets involved, and since I want this to go faster, how Zetsu and Tobi got involved as well. **

**LMFAO! I can't wait to write how Pein got Mr. Snuggles, and how Pein gets involved in all this~**


	17. Kisame's Krazy

The only reason why I'm so speedy is because I love you all!

It's like, not even a day later, and chapter 17 is up!

I'm so excited, I'm already writing 18 for this chapter 8D

So, read, enjoy, and don't forget to review!

I've uploaded drawings of Itachi's dress for chapter 15 - checky, outy, nowy :D.

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**Akatsuki Cosplay Café**

**Chapter Seventeen: Kisame's Krazy**

I can't believe I got fucking dragged into this flashback story thing. Not only that, but I have to pick up the slack for those bloody idiots, Tobi and Zetsu.

And am I getting paid for this shit? Fuck no, I'm not.

Damn the blonde to the nether regions of Hell.

Anyway, I might as well do this flashback and get it over with.

So, back in the day me, Venus trap, and Swirly, had this part sushi shop, part plant shop, part pastry, shit. The funny thing was that none of those things had any sort of relationship with the other, but it was still freaking popular...

It makes sense since most of our customers were either crazy or old.

Anyway, back to the damn flashback. It was an ordinary day and business was so fucking slow.

Zetsu was complaining about how I purposefully fed my piranhas his very rare plant - which I did - and wouldn't 'fess up. He was such a whiny bitch; ready to point fingers at me when shit randomly explodes that's not supposed to.

You know what I do when that happens? I blame it all on Tobi, and it works like a charm.

"KISAME, DON'T YOU FUCKING PULL THAT SHIT ON ME!" jeez, what a whiny bitch he is.

"Maa," I pick some imaginary dirt out of my ears, "I'm telling you Tobi fed your damn plant to the fish."

Ha... He's getting angrier. Just look at his face, its priceless! "You're insufferable!" He screamed like a motherfucking banshee from the deep and stormed off.

"Love you too!" I called after him.

"You just don't know when to stop, do you?" Of course Mr. Swirly has to come in and add in his own two cents. He walked in carrying out his new "chocolate masterpiece", as he called it.

I called it "lunch".

"It's not my fault the hippie can't take a joke." I swiped a quick taste of the chocolate icing on his cake. The move gave me a glare from Swirly, but I flipped him off and things turned out okay in my opinion.

"How Zetsu puts up with your shit, I'll never know." Swirly shook his head and walked off with his cake. I stole it later on when he wasn't looking. But that's another story you'll never get out of me.

Three minutes later and drool starts to pour out of my mouth like a waterfall. Boredom finally was setting in and I didn't like it at all. Someone, anyone, just walk through the damn doors already!

"I'm not kidding! Weasel-san loves it when I play with his balls."

"That's a load of bull, un. I've tried for month to make a grab for his balls, but I'm always getting bit!"

"Does anyone else find this conversation strangely awkward?"

"More like fucking irritating."

Well then. These people most certainly took away my boredom. These guys were either insane or just didn't give a shit about where they were. The blonde with the bang over his eye like an eye patch, was freaking out about how there was no way the silver-haired dude could get a chance at this guys balls. The other two, some pissed off raven and a red-head, were just standing there, more or less excited about the conversation.

It looks like I found my entertainment for the day.

"I do hope ya'll are talking about something way different than what's going through my mind right now." I smirked, flashing my sharpened teeth, and leaned against the counter. Everyone seemed surprised that the pale-blue guy was actually speaking. Or, maybe that I wasn't turned off that they were openly talking about an awkward topic.

Pfft, I'm all about being awkward.

"It all depends," the raven looks me square in the eye, with this cocky eyebrow all raised like he's the shit, or something. "What did our banter make you think of?"

"That I should watch my own pair unless they'll get played with, too." I bluntly stated. No one moved. No one breathed, yada, yada, yada, same ol' shit ya'll have probably heard before. Anyway, just know that it took 'em about five seconds of silence before blondie and the silver-haired bandito broke out in laughter.

"No worries, man, but your balls are totally safe!" Mr. Bandito cracked.

"The only balls I like to play with are Sari's, un." And if that weren't bad enough, Blondie had to make a grab for the red-head's jewels and rub them a little. Yeah, somethin' told me these guys had no sense of morale whatsoever.

Not like I'm complaining, though.

"Nice to know," I yawned, "so are you guys gonna order something, or just feel each other up? Let me tell you that the dirty stuff is gonna cost ya'll extra."

"Can we do both and get half off the price?" oh lookie, red-head thinks he's a funny man, or somethin'.

"Fuck no, but you get this coupon for deep, fried Oreos." I handed everyone a banging, drawn by colored pencil – courtesy of me – and smirked at the scorns of disapproval I managed to wriggle out of everyone.

"These are expired," said Cheeky Blondie.

"They're not even real!" cried Silver-haired Bandito. Hey, I said I give the guys coupons, never said they were authentic.

"The drawings are terrible," commented Funny Man. Oi, we can't all be fucking Picasso, now can we?

"I like the colors, very nice." Well then, at least _somebody _appreciates a good bribe nowadays. Score one for the raven.

I'm guessing that they chose to stay, since neither one of them stomped out of the store in a frenzied rage, so I smirked and led them to our best seats – the one located right next to the window where you can see all the crime going on.

"I'll call the other two out. So ya'll just sit there and act pretty." Flashing them a two-finger salute, I walked back to the counter, past the blasted hippie beads Zetsu was _determined _to put up, and into the back room where Tobi was making another "masterpiece – aka, my dinner – and Zetsu was watching two plants hump.

Even though he yells in my face time and time again that they're going through photosynthesis, I know what sex looks like, and what those plants were doing was _not _making food.

"Oi, Bastard One and Bastard Two, we got four lives ones in the front. Ya'll know what to do." Oops, I guess Tobi didn't like the bastard comment a bit, since he flung the knife he was using at my head – the fucking thing sliced an inch into my cheek, and he wonders why I call him a bastard! And Zetsu, oh little hippie boy, he just sent me a glare that read: "No sex for you tonight."

Guess it's gonna be porno movies and a beer for me, tonight.

"Why don't _you _serve them, you ass?"

"Because, Swirly, I already gave them the fucking coupons, I don't see what more I gotta fucking do."

"Those are expired, Kisame." Zetsu calmly reminded me.

I gave them a toothy, "I know," I hummed and walked back out.

The four of them were all caught up in their own little world. Blondie and Funny Man were trying to see who could shove their tongue deeper into the other's mouth, while Raven and Silver-haired Bandito were in hush-hush conversation.

This was my calling to ruin the moment.

"Swirly and Venus Trap are on their way out," I blurted out, brimming with sick joy at everyone's annoyed faces. It's like they expected me to leave them alone until they were done with their business. Fuck no, that's not how I roll. "So, while they're being lazy asses, what sort of dead fish do you want?"

"You mean sushi, right?" Raven raised an eyebrow, and I shot it down with a nod.

"What the fuck did you think I meant?"

"Nothing whatsoever, Fish Boy," Ah, so Raven was a funny man, too, what joy.

"Ha, you're a riot." I sneered. Just then, Swirly and Zetsu finally made their appearance. I thanked the Lord from head to toe when Venus Trap stood by my side, a pretty looking plant clutched tightly in hi hands. Then, my happiness jumped out of my throat into laughter at all the looks Zetsu and Swirly were getting.

Jeez, it was like they've never seen a guy with a taste for painting his body, and a dude with a fetish for orange masks. That's my life in a fucking nutshell, to be honest.

"It's nice to meet you," there goes Zetsu, voice smooth as silk. The same voice he uses when we're in bed… "I'm Zetsu, and I'll be adding a bit of beauty into your meal today." That took him about half a year to come up with that line – no joke.

Zetsu placed the light-pink plant in the middle of the table, and I could tell Raven was impressed by the smile that was teasing his lips. Tch, the guy seems easily entertained. Then, of course, Swirly next to me has to make me feel inferior by brining out the "masterpiece" – my used-to-be dinner – and slicing up equal slices for the four.

Dammit, I'll have to stop by Ichiraku later on, now.

"Here's my newest creation!" No, that used to be my dinner, asshole! "It's German Chocolate Cake topped with a thin layer of butterscotch frosting, and adorned with fluffy white marshmallows on top." He sounded like such a girl, cooing and all spastic, that I literally had to bite my tongue from lashing out.

Swirly always kept a hidden knife in his apron pocket for when I acted out twice in a day.

"Sound's delicious," Yup, Raven was most _definitely _impressed now. I'll never admit it to Swirly's face – the guy's got enough ego as it is – but his food is to die for. I'd live on his cakes, pastries, vitamin shakes – the whole shebang – for the rest of my life if Swirly didn't have a bounty on my ass.

That's why I swipe a slice everyday after work.

The four dug into their pastries, leaving the three of us to just stand there all awkward and shit. It was a little too late now for any appetizers or a main course, so I just shuffled onto the back to whip up a light snack.

Yes, this shit is ironic, but I'm one hell of a sushi chef. Give me a knife, your dead goldfish, and an apron that says "I slice, and I dice, and I'm a beast on the table" and I'll whip you up a four course meal out of one fish.

You think that's impossible? Well screw you, man, you don't know jackshit.

By the time I was done with their sushi, they were already begging for some more of Swirly's masterpieces. Thankfully, Swirly knew when to step down from his Stool of Ego and allow some of my greatness to show.

Which was a lot of greatness, thank you very much.

"Here yah go," I dropped the platter of my famous California Rolls – the ones people would actually kill yah for – and gave them my toothiest grin. "Eat it up, bitches, because you'll never want the same fish again once you've had my sushi."

"I'm not allowed to eat stuff from strangers." Said Funny Man.

"You've drugged this, haven't you?" and there goes Silver-haired Bandito, too.

"It looks funny," yeah, well so does your haircut, Blondie.

"Itadakimasu," Raven – the only fucking sensible one of the group – clasped his hands in a mini prayer, before reopening his eyes and digging into my California Rolls. After three second of realizing I didn't do anything stupid like lace their food with drugs, the other three followed after.

Yeah, that's right; I see your eyes twinkling in enjoyment. I just rocked your taste bud's world, I did!

"Good job, Kisa." Zetsu whispered in my ear, before giving it a quick peck. On any other day, I would have either pushed him off, or shoved my tongue down his throat, but I let it slide so I could bask in the greatness that was me.

"Damn straight,"

+Akatsuki Cosplay Café: Damn Straight+

"And then afterwards Itachi asked us to join up with his fucking obsession with pink and frilly dresses, and when I denied the first time he bribed me, drugged me, bound and gagged me, than left me in a ball pit full of prepubescent children for five minutes before I caved in." I shuddered at the thought, "There, are you fucking happy with your flashback?"

"Very much, un!"

"Good, because I'll never do it again." I snarled, and headed off for Zetsu, wherever the fuck he was.

"Waaaiiit!" Deidara, who didn't even have the freaking decency to put on some pants, ran after me and grabbed onto my arm in an attempt to make me stop. Obviously he forgot the part about me being twice his fucking size.

"What. Do. You. Want?" seriously; I went over the freaking flashback! I made it long enough to compensate his fucking prick-like attitude, and he can't let me find Venus Trap in peace!

Someone, come shoot me now and filet me to an even crisp.

"You gotta go find Pein." Deidara nodded to himself, and clasped onto my arm even tighter. Dear God he was turning my arm bluer than normal, this was not right.

"Why do I have to look for him?"

"Because I'm naked," he deadpanned like that changed the rules of the game. Which, it probably did, but I'm a sore loser so I gotta fucking retaliate.

"So, you practically walk around here riding Sasori's cock. What the fuck is stopping you from finding Pein?"

"It's tea time…"

Holy, fuck, on a table…

"So you want to sacrifice me instead!" I roared. No way in Hell am I going to interrupt Pein's tea time with Mr. Snuggles! Not this time! Last time I did that, I barely escaped with an inch of my life. And now Deidara wants me to go and do it again!

He's fucking off his bloody rocker.

"It'll be for a noble cause though!"

"Don't even pull that whiny shit with me, Deidara!" I yanked myself free from his gasp and pretty much bolted away from the scene as fast I could.

I hope Pein gets the message from the higher-ups about the flashback, back story arc shit, because there was no way I was going to risk my life interrupting tea time again.


	18. Simple Snuggles

Alright, I'm sorry, I'm sick, and I really don't think this chapter is up to par with the rest. But I'm not making any excuses!

I'm actually really excited, though, because next chapter - since the backstory arc ends here - I'll be having a lot of SasuNaru fluffy and maybe even smutty goodness as a reward for you all being patient :D.

I'll also be breaking the fourth wall because I'm cool like that~

**Warning: Mr. Snuggles has his own POV :O! Then the next part is told by Pein. Also, I watched the Pein Arc, and I do realize that *BLAHBLAH BLAH SPOILERS* Okay, that was confusing, but I know that Nagato (Pein) Always kept his red hair, just that in my fanfic I got him to change his hair ( and name ) for reasons to be explained later. Secondly, there is Shota, but it's like, not even alot o.o. Just like, Pein is so cute Mina-chan can't keep his hands off of him 8D.**

Now then, Read and Enjoy (:

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**Akatsuki Cosplay Cafe**

**Chapter Eighten: Simple Snuggles**

I hate people.

They gnaw on my ears like I'm some chew toy, and they're never completely done until your left ear is a nub, and your right one is following that path shortly after. If that's not worse enough, all the little kids try to sleep with me; and it's not because they're "scared"... That's not even the half of it. I'm now blind in my right eye, but that's mostly because I don't have a right eye anymore. I lost it in a sandbox, I think.

Sigh... I want a new master...

Light shines through the window way too early for my tastes. The floor is giving my fluffy, wittle back issues that would probably never be fully healed. My lazy kid is still sleeping on the bed, body sprawled out in awkward ways, I can only guess that I'm now on this back breaking floor because the monkey up there knocked me off during the night.

Sigh... I really want a new master. Or escape to Tokyo; with either one works for me.

Three, painfully long, hours later and the kids about to pee his pants in excitement because we're on our way to the park. The freaking park! We go there everyday and he acts like he's getting some shiny new play station.

"Mommy, I wanna play on da thwings!" The only cute thing about this kid was the huge gap in his teeth. Other than that he was a complete brat.

"Alright, honey, I'll be sitting on that bench over there." His mom pointed towards the lonely bench only a few feet away from the playground.

"Can I bwing Captain Mike wiff me?"

Oh no, oh sweet heavenly carrots, no! Anything but the bloody swings! These are the many times I wished that I was actually human with my own pair of mobile feet. Then i could hitch a ride with some guys and never see another swing set again.

A bunny could dream...

Five hours straight, and the kid still didn't want to go home! That meant that I couldn't go home and finally wash of the scent of band-aids, kiddy snot, and puke. His mother didn't seem to want to leave, either. It was the same story every time; the single mom meets the single, attractive father, and love just starts to blossom everywhere.

That would be cute if I were a Barbie, but I'm not, thank Peter Cottontail, I'm a bunny. The only thing I'm in love with is carrots.

"Yukiii!" Oh yippie, more friends have come by to play!

Three more, long, hours and Yuki's passed out in his mother's arms. Aww, how cute - wait, they forgot about me!

Just great...

It's cold, dark, and the neighborhood's drunkards, hobos, and horny, teenage couples start to file into the park, ready to do God knows what.

Well... I was always complaining about finding a new master, I just didn't think it would involve me being left to the mercies of the outside world!

Alright, just calm down. I'm a cute bunny for my age - still in my prime - I'll be able to attract someone!

"Poor bunny, some little kid must have left you here, huh?" Out of nowhere, it's like my silent prayers were finally answered. I was left on the right swing, so the man talking took the left. He had golden, yellow hair with piercing deep eyes. I've always wanted blue eyes instead of my endless black ones.

The man was just swinging, back and forth, with this lazy grin on his face. "You're not going to be swinging here all night, are you?" Oh no, I was just going to wait until some rabid dog comes by and rips out my stuffing. "Yeah I didn't think so."

My blonde savior stood up, and I started to rethink that savior part, because it almost looked like he was walking away. Instead, he scooped me up into his arms and held me close.

"You look like you could use a little love. And I know just the person to send you to."

+Akatsuki Cosplay Café: Pein was so cute+

+Pein's POV+

Mina-chan was coming, today. I don't know why but I feel sort of excited. Noriko isn't home, so that's good. She'd probably yell at me anyways. As for Dad, well I don't really give a damn.

I'm sort of hungry...

"Shouldn't you be having waffles or something instead of cookies?"

"Ah, Mina-chan," I swallowed the last clump of cookie before smiling awkwardly. "You're here."

"Obviously," Mina-chan chose to sit across from. From underneath my red bangs, I could see he was up to something. Mina-chan always had some sort of scheme in mind whenever he smirked like that.

It was sort of a turn on. Wait, should an eleven-year-old boy be thinking of such a thing?

"Also, what did I tell you about adding 'chan' for a suffix?" he mocked glared at me. "It's 'kun', Nagato!"

"I find 'chan' to be cuter," I just shrugged. I'm still hungry…

Following my instinct – mostly to annoy Mina-chan – I got up from the dining table and went for the cookie jar. Curse my luck that my stepmom decided to put the jar at the _top _of the refrigerator where I couldn't get it.

Well, screw her; I can use a freaking chair.

"Oi, Nagato, get off the chair before you hurt yourself!"

Must… get… cookies…

I was so close… The jar was almost in my reach. I could smell that mixture of cookies just waiting for me to eat them. There were Oreos and Chocolate Chip and Sugar Cookies. Mmm… Sugar Cookies…

The chair was wobbling slightly, and just that slight tipping movement sent pain through out my little body. I guess last night's punishment hit me harder than I had expected. It's funny how I used the word 'hit' there.

Just then, the chair caved under me, and I never got a chance to taste those cookies because the jar was falling along with me. My eyes closed instinctively, and my body recoiled waiting for the severe pain of connecting to the floor to come; but it never did.

I opened my eyes, only to be stared back with the blue eyes of my savior. At first they twinkled with nervousness and compassion, and then hardened when both his hands came up to pinch my cheeks in a death grip.

"You freaking idiot!" he screamed, "Why did you do something so reckless?"

"For the cookies," I answered, thankful that my hair was long enough to cover my eyes.

I could feel Mina-chan's stare on me. He was probably wondering what the heck to do with such a rambunctious eleven-year-old boy. I say to give me cookies, but just looking at the shattered mess of the jar and broken cookies – along with broken dreams – was too much to bear.

Mina-chan finally let out a sigh, and settled us down on the chair, his arms wrapped tightly around my waist. "You're not even supposed to be having cookies for breakfast. Jeez, Nagato, think of your health!"

"Says the guy who lives off of ramen like some druggie on crack," I scoffed and rolled my ringed eyes. Nagato could be such the hypocrite, and I should know. Have you ever _seen_ that man's house? You don't even have to go out to eat, just top by Mina-chan's and you can have a four course meal out of ten different flavored ramen for only half the price.

"Ramen is highly nutritious, Brat. It's much better than cookies." He ruffled my hair, smiling that idiotic grin of his.

Oh no… he didn't just diss the cookies.

"Nothing. Is better. Than cookies." I growled out and instinctively swatted his hands away. It was one thing to make fun of my hair – that happened frequently. It was another thing to make fun of my freakishly pale skin – that happened a lot too. But when you fucked around with cookies… you just crossed the border, there.

Prepare yourself to get shot by border police.

"Alright, alright," he raised his hands in defeat, but I was still pretty pissed at him. Smiling apologetically, Mina-chan adjusted me on his lap, and wrapped two arms around my waist. Instantly I flinched, and when that happened I mentally cursed.

I was trying to hide the pain… guess that didn't work out as well.

"Don't worry, Mina-chan." I tried to get out of his grasp before he could connect two and two together to call me out, but his grip had tightened and the pain shot through my body once more. Cringing, I bit back a groan before slumping into his chest.

I seriously do not like Mina-chan, sometimes.

"She hit you again…" he whispered darkly.

I would have been an idiot if I tried to deny that.

"Was it because of your eyes?" he slowly ran his thumb over my tummy with light circles. It felt really good…

"No, it was because I was 'sassing her'." I made some bunny ears to make my point stand out that the reason she hit me in the first place was complete crap. "Then she went insane and pushed me down the stairs. That's how I got this injury, here." I lifted up my shirt and showed him the slight indents in my skin and all the bruises I got the night before.

For a minute, I thought Mina-chan was about the flip the table. There was an angry tension in the air – sort of like when you walk in on your parents arguing – and there was a dark shadow covering his eyes. A few seconds later, and Mina-chan put on that fake smile of his I hated so much and kissed my stomach softly.

"I'll take you away from this place, someday." He whispered softly, kissing my belly one more time before he brought his lips to my forehead.

I felt something warm and weird bubble up where he kissed me. And I couldn't stop the squirms and shivers that traveled up and down my spine. Sighing in defeat, I rested my head on his shoulder, and wrapped my full body against his.

"Mina-chan… I don't want to stay here anymore." I whispered against his neck, holding back annoying tears.

"I know," he whispered, and I could feel his fingers treading through my hair.

Silence passed between us, and the clock ticked and ticked above the refrigerator. I just wanted to stay in his arms like this forever, where time meant nothing, and pain was never an issue. With Mina-chan, I felt loved and precious, even if the age difference was ridiculous.

Mina-chan was the escape that I had at my finger tips, but could never really use it. Well, not _now_ anyways.

"Nagato, look at me." I could hear the smile in his voice, and lifted my head upwards. What I was greeted with… wasn't really what I was expected. Mina-chan's face was replaced with a tattered bunny's face – smudged and slightly dirty – that had only one ear, and one eye.

Without much of a thought, I swatted the disgusting thing to the floor with a smack.

"Nagato, come on! You wouldn't do that to a baby would you?" Mina-chan joked lightly, picking up the bunny and wiping off the dirt from its body. Obviously he didn't understand that I had no interest in the thing, hence why I wanted it on the floor.

"It's hideous."

"It needs some love."

"I need some cookies, but obviously I'm not getting any of that."

"Nagato, I went out of my way to get this for you." He used that freaking smile of his and I felt myself melting in his arms. "You see, I have to go away for a while…" he started out slowly, and I felt my heart sink at every word, "But, while I'm away, I wanted to get you something to remind you of me. That's when I stumbled across this bunny. He was all alone, left to the mercy of crazy strangers of a park."

"How do you know it's a boy?" My childlike curiosity was the cutest thing, back then.

"Let's not worry about that," Minato waved his hand at the matter, and just like that I couldn't care less whether the bunny was a boy, a girl, or a transvestite. "Just like you, this bunny needs some love, and I know you'd be the right person to give him that."

He opened up my arms, and rested the bunny gently in my arms. I didn't know it then, but tears were streaming down my face knowing that Mina-chan probably wasn't going to be coming back for a long time.

"Take good care of him while I'm gone. Sleep with it at night, and never forget that I'll always be thinking of you wherever I go." He kissed me on the forehead, and brought both me and the bunny closer to his chest. "This bunny will be our connection. Treat him well, Brat."

+Akatsuki Cosplay Café: HA! That's Not the End+

It was me, and the bunny. Head to head in a battle of wits and sheer endurance. The bunny with no name sat at one end of the table, and I the other. I had to admit, the bunny was pretty tough. We had been into this staring contest for more than three hours and the thing _still_ hadn't blinked yet.

The only reason I was winning was because my bangs were covering my eyes.

"You're pretty good." I found myself talking to this thing like he could actually respond. In reality, I didn't have many friends. The ones I had moved away after the first grade. It was really hard to keep in contact when you're only six years old and you can barely remember your phone number, let alone someone's address.

While talking to this stuffed mess of a bunny, I found myself feeling slightly… happy. On the other side of the table, I pictured Mina-chan sitting with the bunny in his lap, calling me out that we couldn't have a staring contest if I had an obvious advantage.

Then I'd call him out that he had unpaid bills left at home that were probably weeks overdue, and that would shut him up nicely.

And thus we kept on staring until the sunset in the sky, and I finally got bored.

"I'm going to go get something to eat. Don't move, okay?" I called over my shoulder as I hopped down from the chair. The mess from earlier was already cleaned up, so I wouldn't have to deal with Noriko's loud bitching about how I was only messing things up to spite her.

Yeah right, because of course I know what spite means.

I fished through the pantries, easily finding the stack of cookies Noriko tried to hide from me. It would have worked too if she didn't place them in something so obvious – her box of tampons. Yeah, don't ask me why she hid them there…

Humming to myself, I placed the cookies on the plate and went back to the table. Just like I had expected, the bunny was there, almost like he was waiting for me to come back. That thought made me even happier.

"You'll love these cookies," I said, passing the plate over towards him, "they're the best."

Of course, he couldn't eat the cookies. But in my imagination, the bunny and I were having a wonderful cookie party – sort of like in Alice in Wonderland. Only there weren't any mad hatters and psychotic cats. But I could have given the bunny a watch, and that would have worked out such fine.

My world of happiness, though, crashed when I heard the door open, and then slam.

"Crap!" I cried out, hurrying to put back everything in its original place. Just by hearing the muddled footsteps of my stepmom downstairs, and the quiet slurs, I could tell she was drunk and pissed off at the same time. That wasn't a good combination for me. "Come on, we have to hide!"

I grabbed the bunny by the arm, and brought him to my chest, before taking the stairs one by one. I had about three minutes to get to my room and hide in the closet before she would notice I was home.

Crying out in relief, I opened my door, and then closed it quietly – too loudly and she would have noticed – and ran for the hideaway closet I made for occasions such as these. I slammed the door, and hid in the furthermost corner of the closet, clutching the bunny against my chest.

My heartbeat was erratic – like some drunk guy banging his bongos – and I couldn't help but clutch onto my bunny tighter. Somehow, I felt safe knowing the bunny was in my arms, and that he really was some connection to Mina-chan. I felt the same amount of safety and protectiveness as I did when I was with the older blonde.

Hours passed, but I didn't really care. My stepmom was probably passed out on the couch somewhere – not like it mattered to me – and I was happily having a conversation with my new best friend: Mr… Something…

"You need a name," I stated bluntly, the bunny sitting up on my chest while I lay on my back. "Greg is a boring name. Bob is common. Rose is a girl's name. Jorge is for the Spanish. I don't know whether or not you're Native American, so Riding Bull is out of the question." I held onto him tightly, and realized I actually liked snuggling this bunny on top of me.

And that's when it hit me.

"Mr. Snuggles!" I smiled brightly, "That'll be your name and you'll like it, Mister!"

After the closet incident, Mr. Snuggles and I became best friends.

+Akatsuki Cosplay Café: Almost There+

"And then years later we met up with these crazy guys, and somehow got involved with their crazy antics." I placed the tea cup on the table and ruffled Mr. Snuggles head, "Mina-chan called me yesterday, he said he was somewhere in the area, but that we couldn't meet yet… but I'm happy he called anyways."

Smiling softly at Mr. Snuggles always quiet reply, I grabbed for the nearest Sugar Cookie and took a huge bite out of it.

"Don't you just love sugar cookies, Mr. Snuggles?" yet again, another silent reply, but I smiled anyways. "Yeah, I like 'em too."

**FINALLY! End of the Back Story Arc!**

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Sorry, I'm so out of it today :/

**Next time on ACC: It's a date!**

**Summary: It's a THANK YOU FOR STICKING WITH SUCH A LONG BACKSTORY prezzie. We pick up where we left off on chapter 13 where Naruto ran off, and he's brooding like a fish without it's minature diving man. So, of course, Sasuke has to cheer him up with a date...**

**Lots of SasuNaru stuff, my friends.**

Till next time.


	19. It's a Date!

Quick update, right? Right! I typed all of this on my iPod... so many mistakes to fix afterwards T^T. It was such a fucking pain.

GUYS! THanks for your reviews! I love you all as I'm posting this near 10:30 at night xD.

AND IN TWO MORE DAYS POKEMON BLACK COMES OUT! I HAVE JUST ENOUGH MONEY TO BUY IT!

EEEEEEEPPPPAAAAAH -IS PUMPED-

**Warning: SMUT AND SASUNARU! :D. A lot of humor, two cracks in the annoying wall, lame references - i think o.o - and over all you should all just read and find out the warnings yourself 8D. OOPS! ONE MORE THING! I'm sorry for any spelling or grammar mistakes that pop up, i'm too tired to check, but I think I've gotten most of them :D.**

Read and Enjoy!

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**Akatsuki Cosplay Café**

**Chapter Nineteen: It's a Date!**

Our idiotic blonde sat cooped up in the corner, blues eyes downcast, as he finally came to terms with his idiocy. It was about time that happened.

"I fucked up big time." no duh, Blondie.

"I thought I'd find you here, Dobe." oh look, Sasuke's come to save the day in all his mid-drift glory. Wearing a smirk that Naruto - in his state – wanted to damn all the ways to Hell, the raven plopped down next to his brooding blonde and ran his coursed hands through those golden locks.

"Leave me alone, Teme." Naruto grumbled, but the comforting feeling from those fingers was making it really hard to stay mad at the raven for too long.

Damn those pretty little fingers to Hell!

"How long are you going to stay depressed, Naru?" Sasuke, being the type of person he was, had to bluntly ask how long his blonde was going to wallow in his comedic depression.

"Eh, I was hoping to milk it for a few more chapters before I decide to be happy again." did the blonde seriously just get out of character? Baka! Only the author can break the wall!

Sasuke better set that kid straight...

"Make it quick though, I hate it when you're depressed." Sasuke buried his face into those golden yellow locks, completely ignoring the fact that Naruto - our idiot - broke the fourth wall!

Bakas... The whole lot of 'em.

**It's a Crack!**

Sasuke: I was enjoying not having a cracked wall for a while.

Fallen: Yeah, well, I didn't. So stick it in your pants and waddle.

Naruto: What the hell is that even supposed to mean?

Sasuke: It's better if you don't ask questions you probably won't be able to hear the answer to…

Fallen: Smart move, Raven, very smart move.

**Bye Crack~**

"Why are you even here?" by now, Naruto was trying to figure out how he was going to handle the furious older raven that was probably on the other side of the door, scheming his death.

Paranoia made Naruto think of the funniest things.

"Well, I mostly wanted to find the Monopoly board and play a few rounds." Sasuke flashed a sexy smirk, "I'm quite fond of the game now."

"Lying is a sin, Teme."

"So is blowing up on little girls, Dobe."

"You know, you really suck at the whole 'cheering up' thing." Although others would probably find Sasuke's method of comfort pleasant, Naruto found it as Sasuke using this chance to fuck with him even more.

Which, in a way, the Blondie wasn't far from the sex swings...

Sasuke just shrugged, "You know I like you, right?"

"It would be better if you said 'I love you, Naruto." the blond sneered. Aw, he was in the "affection mode" of his five part mini-depression.

The first part of depression is Comedic Tears. They fall down from your eyes like waterfalls, only more humorous and a lot less majestic. Next up we have the ever-so-wonderful fetal position in the corner. You have to do it correctly though, or else you'll end up with some wicked back pains. After that's send and down, you move onto a five second attempt to commit suicide. Normally, the thought wouldn't be so funny, but if you were say, Naruto, you could only imagine what sort of things the blonde could cook up to use to end his life. After that episode, you find the urge to have unlimited affection poured on you like holy water unbearable, and you milk and whine for it as much as you can! Finally, after that whole, five-part, ordeal, you finally come to terms with the fact that you're going to get your ass handed to you by Itachi.

It was a wonderful process, really.

Sasuke was silent for about two seconds. He was caught in-between a funny comment at Naruto's expense, or making a funny comeback and compensating for it by blowing the blonde's mind with a wonderful kiss...

Decisions, decisions, fucking decisions.

"Oi, Dobe," the raven - being the smart one - decided to tackle the problem in a different way. May the Lord be with you, Sasuke.

"What?"

"Remember when we first met?"

Ohh, so Sasuke was going for the flashback that leads into a happy blonde wanting to make out tactic! Smart move!

"Yeah, why?"

"I think this would be the perfect time for a flashback."

"Nah, I'm good."

Ohhh... REJECTED! Sasuke, rejection has just called so you best be answering the phone!

"Why not?"

"Why should I?"

Touché.

"I think a flashback would be appropriate right now." you've got to hand it to the raven; he had one hell of a persistent streak.

"What's the point? You remember as well as I do what happened that day." Naruto rested his head on Sasuke's shoulder, "So why should I have a flashback anyways?"

It was these sorts of moments that reminded the raven that there was such a thing as common sense located somewhere - very deep - inside the world of Naruto Uzumaki.

This was also the time when Sasuke either damned these moments to the deepest parts of the fiery oven in the ground. Or, as fate may have it, today Sasuke found that side of Naruto undeniably cute.

But... he was still persistent. "Are you sure?"

"Positive."

"Positively-"

Finally, some outside assistance was here! Before Sasuke could continue his useless persuading, Deidara knocked down the door with only a pair of genie pants on and an insane smile plastered on his face.

Anyone else would either be freaking out, or passing out. Naruto and Sasuke, on the other hand, had already been corrupted by Deidara's flaunting of sexuality. Hence, they were oblivious to anything the taller blonde could do.

The sad but lucky bastards, they were.

"Did my beautiful ears deceive me?" Beautiful ears, Deidara, really? Alrighty then... "Naruto, why are you denying the flashback? The higher-ups aren't going to be very happy about this."

'Higher-ups?' don't think too much about it, Blondie. "I just don't feel like having a flashback, alright!"

"You're so not fun, Kit-chan, un." Deidara plopped himself on the floor with a befuddled expression on his face. "Hmm... This is more serious than we had listened in on."

"You were listening to our conversation?" should you really be that outraged, Naruto? Really, that angry blush is unbecoming on you.

"That's not the issue here." like hell it is, "The issue is that you won't flashback, un!"

Naruto groaned in utter annoyance. He could see those hungry, glittering eyes waiting just behind the door; wanting a flashback. But one wasn't necessary! Did we not just suffer through a back story arc? Is it really that necessary to have one more backing of a flash?

Apparently that was exactly the case.

At once, Sasuke finally sensed that these mad men might actually force his blonde to do something he really didn't want to do. The only person who could force Naruto was him! He owned that cute little ass that swayed back and forth whenever the blonde walked...

Oops, getting off topic here.

Let's see the raven take some action!

"Aniki!" the raven cried, and his dressed up brother was right by his side, although he looked highly ridiculous! The dress he wore was wrinkled and stained with specks of white splattered here and there. Half his dress was way up above his thighs, proudly showing off his manly underwear – lace – and his nicely shaped bulge.

If you used your imagination, you could have connected those dots of white into a tiny boat with a one-legged captain at the wheel. But you're not using your imagination, so don't think of it like that, sillies.

Besides, the specks were cum anyways.

"What the fuck do you want?" Itachi always was the sort of person to get pissed off when they weren't completely jerked off.

"Find a way to distract them," Sasuke made a notion towered his crazy co-workers, and Itachi merely cocked an eyebrow.

"Why the fuck should I do that?" Itachi's saying fuck a lot. He must be having sex on the brain...

"Remember Naruto this morning, Aniki? Do you really want to deal with another rampaging monster again?" Sasuke could cock the same damn eyebrow, too!

"WHY DO YOU HAVE TO CALL ME THAT?" It's sad when people start to backtrack during the recovery process. It seemed like Naruto was back to the suicidal depression phase. Must be so by the way he thought those fishnets looked more attractive around his neck rather than his legs...

Freaky...

"See what you do?" Sasuke ran up and grabbed Naruto before he could even consider using those sexy fishnets. "Naruto won't be getting anywhere with people badgering him for a flashback. Let us off early, and I'll have him ready for work as his annoying and cute self."

"Its worse enough you think I'm a monster, but now you think I'm cute too?" ew, Naruto, no one wants to see a snotty boy.

"Hurry," Sasuke nearly pleaded. But then again, Uchiha never pleaded.

"Alright, alright, get the fuck out of my closet then." Itachi - being the gentlemen in the dress as he was - personally thrown out his brother and his accomplice out of the closet. "You have the rest of the day off! But don't get arrested, Otouto, with whatever you're trying to do."

The older raven always gave the best pep talks in the world.

Sighing, in a mixture of relief and annoyance, Sasuke ran a hand through his midnight locks, formulating a plan on how to get his bubbly Naruto back.

He turned his head, only to find Naruto sprawled on the ground having a conversation with some weird cat with mix-matched eyes and a crown from King Burger.

"Of course I'll go to candy mountain with you, Charlie!" the blonde scooped the cat in his arms and hugged him to death and beyond as he cried. He was just so happy to be chosen for such a perilous journey!

Sasuke frowned at the site, when in reality he really should have been laughing at Naruto's antics. Apparently there was a whole other step in the recovery process when the person turned insane for a good five minutes.

Good luck with that, Sasuke.

"C'mon, Dobe, you can look for candy mountain later." tried as he may, Blondie wouldn't let go of the damn hybrid cat. Once more, Sasuke could feel those very thin nerves snap one by one. Biting his lip to cool his anger - how that worked is a complete mystery - Sasuke decided to tackle a different way.

He sat down behind the blonde cooing at the cat, and wrapped his arms around Naruto's neck. Next, he buried his face into that delicious smelling neck and took a bite of that seducing flesh. Sasuke inwardly smirked at the response he got out of Naruto without even trying. The blonde dropped the cat, allowing his head to roll back and expose more of that seductive neck, as a moan escaped his throat.

"Teme..." he groaned as the raven sucked especially at his new love bite -predatory mark- on Naruto's neck.

It was funny because you have to realize the cafe was located in the middle of Tokyo's busiest district, meaning that a lot of people were passing by as Sasuke attacked Naruto's neck. So, either you had people freaked out by the display of affection from two hormonal teenagers, and the other half taking pictures and even throwing money at the two thinking it was some sort of a gimmick cooked up by the devious minds of the Cosplay Cafe.

'At least this'll pay for most of what I have planned today.' oh, so Sasuke DID have a plan after all. What a relief that was.

"Teme, get off of me!" Naruto tried to be intimidating, but that never really worked when you were sporting a blush rampaging across your face.

"Dobe," Sasuke wrapped his arms around the blonde's waist and gave it a squeeze, "would you like some ramen?"

"RAMEN?" Leave it to Naruto to get excited at the mere mention of the food. The raven smiled slightly, Naruto was just the cutesy little thing when he smiled like that. It made Sasuke want to do certain…'things'.

"Did I stutter, Naru?" when he was greeted by less-than-happy mumbles, Sasuke smirked and intertwined their hands. "Then let's go already." he kissed the blondes whiskered cheek. "My treat to you."

You'll regret those words, Sasuke.

+Akatsuki Cosplay Cafe: Do you hear that? That's the sound of your wallet crying+

"One more bowl!"

"Idiot, I can't afford another bowl!"

"But my aching heart isn't satisfied yet!"

"Your belt is about to snap from that belly your showing off. One more bowl is going to kill you!"

Naruto slammed his chopsticks down. "Ramen would never do that to me!"

"Guys, guys," the shop owner rubbed the back of his head nervously. Sure, he'd seen his share of bar fights before, but the way those two were glaring at each other gave him the eerie feeling that World War III was slowly approaching... "The last bowl is on the house since you've guys just made me richer!"

Somehow, just hearing the ramen owner speak of being richer made Sasuke's poor wallet cringe. Funny though since the money he was using wasn't even his. But eh, beggars can't be choosers, right?

"YUUUUUS! Thanks Old Man!" Naruto didn't need much of a warning go dive - literally - head first into the lovely bowl of ramen. By the time he came up for air, noodles were dangling from his hair and s lovely little Naruto (fishcake) was stuck to hid cheek.

Sasuke would have found it incredibly cute if his wallet wasn't crying, still.

**Crack Again!**

Fallen: I feel sorry for you, Sasuke.

Naruto: -slurps down another bowl-

Sasuke: Never, again, will I take this idiot out for dinner!

Fallen: You should have seen this coming… You're fault, dude.

**Crack Ends~**

"Ahhh that was fulfilling!" Naruto sighed blissfully, the smells of the ramen shop intoxicating him only slightly. Or maybe that was the mild alcohol content in every bowl that was served.

"For you, maybe..." Not once did the raven eat, because he was so enthralled by how much the blonde could eat, how fast he'd gain weight, and then lose it all in a burp. It was absolutely insane.

"You could have had some if you'd like." Naruto crooned as he licked his fingers one by one.

Now normally, Sasuke would have flipped a table at Naruto's incompetence. However, just seeing that sinful tongue take into thoughtful consideration of each and every finger was driving the raven insane.

Yeah... hormones will do that to you.

Sasuke smirked, "Well that was sort of hard to do since you ate all or your bowls, and then started to attack mine like you were some starved fox." the blonde pouted, he was no where near a starved fox! More like a starved polar bear.

"Your point being, Teme?"

The raven leaned in closer, extending his tongue out to lap at the fishcake before bringing the food into his mouth. He mentally smirked when he saw the same cheek he attacked turn scarlet. So of course he had to milk this in for more.

"You'll have to compensate for that." Sasuke whispered against Naruto's parted lips, and flicked his tongue along the bottom part of the sensitive skin.

Naruto moaned loudly, the feeling of Sasuke's tongue teasing him sent all those crazy butterflies in his stomach into a frenzied Macarena. His lips parted, allowing the raven to access his mouth and completely tongue-rape it. Even though Naruto couldn't call it rape since he was enjoying it just as much as Sasuke was.

The budding hard-on in their pants proved that, as much.

Their wet appendages twined and danced against one another. Every time they touched, sparks flee through out their body, sparkling sensitive areas awake and on fire.

By the time they parted, a thin trail of saliva connected their lips until it snapped with an inaudible pop. Their breaths danced in the same air space, and their hearts were hammering so loudly in their ears, they couldn't hear the awkward coughs coming from the shop owner.

"Umm... Here's your bill."

+Akatsuki Cosplay Cafe: Blondie, you drive me insane+

"For the last time, Uzumaki, I am NOT going up on that thing!"

"Why not? Afraid of heights, you baby?"

Just as Sasuke was about to make one he'll of a comeback, the roller coaster zoomed by, whipping his hair all which way, and sending goose bumps up and down his arms.

Pfft... Sasuke Uchiha was in no way afraid of some kiddy coaster!

"I heard this was one of those suspended coasters," Naruto's grin turned feral. It wasn't everyday he could exploit an Uchiha's fears out in public. He was going to milk this in for all it's worth! No matter what punishment he'd receive later would be.

Sasuke casted a weary glance up at his impending doom above him. Would this be the day the almighty Uchiha dropped his pride and admitted that he was in fact scared of such a monstrous metal beast?

Hell no! He was going to be an idiot and ride the roller coaster anyways!

And this is why Pride is the first of the seven deadly sins. Sasuke, we salute you, you prideful bastard!

As the waiting line gradually started to get smaller and smaller, Sasuke could feel his heart constrict more and more. Roller Coasters and the Uchiha never mixed - it was like trying to combine oil with water, it just doesn't fly. Now, obviously the Uchiha's fear of roller coasters didn't stem from somehow traumatic like: "Little boy almost fell from roller coaster!" or something like that.

In reality, little Sasuke, at the small age of nine years old, was horribly puked on while descending s major hill of a roller coaster. After that day, Sasuke could never look at the same metal contraption the same way again.

It was such sad story.

As they approached Sasuke's impending doom - and highly comical embarrassment - the raven sent a lot of prayers and promises up to God that, if he'd survive, he'd actually put a penny in a hobos cup when asked.

"You ready?" Naruto asked as his straps were lowered and placed on securely. He grinned wickedly when he saw Sasuke's already pale skin considerably blanch as his straps were slowly strapped in place.

Oh this was going to be one hell of a ride!

"Enjoy the ride, folks!"

And they were off.

Never again will Sasuke Uchiha ever be dragged onto a roller coaster, his final shreds of sanity wouldn't allow it.

+Akatsuki Cosplay Café+

"Never, again!"

"Oh c'mon, it wasn't that bad!" the blonde whined, only to he abruptly shut up by the scowl of his boyfriend.

"It wasn't that bad? IT WASN'T THAT BAD?" his voice was escalating, "I nearly felt my heart jump out of my throat and nearly commit suicide! My liver is probably where my pancreas should be and vice versa. And if that wasn't bad enough," Sasuke ripped up his stain shirt to show it to the blonde, "My shirt has puke on it that would make any grown man cry." he threw the shirt over the boardwalk railing and grimaced, "Never again, Ru."

"You're no fun," even with that said, Naruto couldn't help but gaze across the plains of his boyfriend's chest. He had to admit, Sasuke was pretty damn defined in all muscle aspects. Nice abs and muscular arms that did t look too beefy or too scrawny.

'Absolutely fucking perfect.' the blonde thought, licking his chapped lips a few times.

Obviously, Naruto's staring didn't go unnoticed by the raven. His face was flaring a dusty pink on his cheeks, and the fresh, salty breeze coming from the ocean was enough to make his nipples stand on end.

It didn't help that casual bystanders were taking peeks as well.

"I have an idea," Sasuke suddenly blurted out, causing Naruto to jump. "Come with me, Dobe." he grabbed onto the blondes hand and tugged him towards one of the many street vendors along the boardwalk.

Hands intertwined, the two couldn't possibly have noticed the sneaking shadows tailing them...

+Akatsuki Cosplay Café+

"Here you go, sir. Two t-shirts, one small, one medium, right off the machine."

"Thank you, sir." Sasuke nodded his head with approval as he took the two bags. Naruto, who was pretty confused on why the hell Sasuke bought two shirts instead of one, merely tried to sneak peaks inside of the bag, only to get his face swatted away.

"No peeking, Dobe." Sasuke wagged a finger. "Now follow me again." jeez he was such a bossy raven, he was. Dragging Naruto by the hand, Sasuke pulled the protesting blonde towards a nearby bathroom. Once inside, Sasuke rummaged through the bag, pulling out a light blue t-shirt that said "I like d*ck" and an arrow pointing towards his crotch.

"Put this on." he three the shirt to the perplex bomb. The look on Naruto's face was the one that looked like someone told you to diffuse a bomb and you were only in the fifth grade.

"What the hell is this?" well, Naruto, if you're wary about the shirt you shouldn't be putting it on and examining yourself in the bathroom mirror. But, as mentioned a hundred times before, Naruto was a weird...

"There, you don't look too bad." Says the guy who was showing off the black t-shirt that said: "He likes my D!ck" with an arrow pointing towards Naruto's crotch. Really, what possessed the raven to do such a thing?

'Revenge is such a bitch, isn't it, Naruto?' oh, ho, ho, so this was Sasuke's plan after all? What a sneaky little bastard, he was.

"There is no way I'm going out like this!" you have to realize, Naruto wasn't gay. Yes, he found the Uchiha the most attractive thing since Victoria Secret release it's men's' line, Victor's Confessions, but other than that, Naruto wasn't attracted towards anything else with a third leg.

Hmm... You could place the blame for Naruto's impotent nature because of his surroundings, but then again... Do you really care?

"Are you ashamed to be with me...?" Sasuke gripped the blondes hand tightly and looked at him from under quivering eyelashes. Oh, nice one, Uchiha, playing the guilt card flawlessly, there.

Naruto was such a sucker when Sasuke went into "pleading mode" that he finally caved in and wrapped a trembling arm around Sasuke's waist.

"Let's just get this over with." Poor Naruto, having to throw away your pride like that must have hurt, huh?

Once again, though, the two were so freaking oblivious they had failed to notice the few specks of blonde and red hair peering over the bathroom stalls.

"Ne, why don't we have shirts like that?" the blonde whined.

"You pretty much flaunt your sexuality just by walking," the redhead shrugged, "the shirt would have been too excessive.

Red-heads gotta point there.

+Akatsuki Cosplay Café+

"We're going to The House of Mirrors!"

"No, we're going to The Himalaya!"

"No way, Teme, the Himalaya is boring!"

"Oh, and like walking through a house full of fucked up mirrors is so much more thrilling?"

Naruto harrumphed, "You don't even know, Teme."

"Oh really?" Sasuke quirked an eyebrow, in reality, the raven had no idea who he was truly fucking with. For you see, one day the stubborn blonde had purchased a lot of mirrors on Iruka's credit card, and scattered them around the house as if he was really going through a house full of mirrors.

Funny thing was, Iruka came home early, and Naruto was screwed... But that's just another story you'll never hear, so moving on.

"Yeah, really! So come with me!" aw, Naruto was such the cute little whiner, playfully tugging on Sasuke's shirt hem and what not.

'He's too bloody cute for his own damn good...' Sasuke once again had to say Bon voyage to his pride and allowed himself to be dragged towards that dreaded house.

Of course, there was always a price for an abused pride.

"If I to through this ridiculous attraction with you," Sasuke began, linking an arm around Naruto's shoulders while they neared the entrance, "then you have to go on the Ferris wheel with me tonight to watch the fireworks."

"I thought you were afraid of heights, Teme." Naruto slightly sneered, snuggling in a little bit closer.

"Correction: its roller coasters, and I don't have any fear of them whatsoever." it was getting pretty annoying how much Sasuke was holding on to his imaginary pride.

Naruto scoffed, "Sure, that's why you were screaming bloody murder the minute the ride started to go uphill."

"I did no such-"

"-And why you were clutching onto me so tightly like you just got the shit scared out of yah."

"Naruto, I was never-"

"And _also_ why you made a beeline for the nearest trashcan after you kissed the ground you missed so much."

Oh yes, Naruto was most definitely liking the upper hand. Too bad that usually leaded to someone getting the back hand after everything's said and done.

"... You'll regret this, Naruto Uzumaki." those were the last words spoken before Sasuke proceeded to drag Naruto towards HIS impending doom.

And just as always... The shadows were lurking behind...

+Akatsuki Cosplay Cafe+

Footsteps... They led the blonde further into confusion. He scratched the back of his head nervously as he gazed into his distorted reflection of the mirror.

Only one second had passed - one second! - And Sasuke was already gone, leaving Naruto to the wrath of fucked up wall decorations.

"Ha... My nose is humongous!" after awhile, Naruto had given up on the slight possibility that Sasuke had gotten lost based on pure coincidence. 'If I know him as well as I do, sadly, this is probably all revenge.' Well, the blonde didn't seem to care much since he was so busy admiring his hell of a nose.

Suddenly, out of the blue like a telemarketer calling, Naruto's vision of his ghastly nose was obscured, and the only thing he could see was the darkness produced from the black cloth covering his eyes.

Now was the obvious time to panic.

"You better not try anything funny!" but blindfolding an unsuspecting blonde was hilarious! "I know Kung-Fu!"

"You're such a liar, Dobe."

That seductively tinted voice traveled through the blonde's ears, and sent shivers up and down his spine. Apparently, have one part of your senses blocked off and the other ones become stronger; go figure.

"Teme, take this damn thing off me or I swear-!" a warm tongue slid its way into Naruto's opened mouth, and dragged out a throaty moan from the blonde. Oh yes, Sasuke was very good at shutting up the blonde when needed.

Pale and slender fingers danced and tickled along the blonde's sides, before one by one they each ventured underneath his shirt to rub small circles on his tummy.

As their tongues tangoed and slid against one another, the blonde found himself moaning into the kiss - the blindfold was just turning him on even more - and treading his fingers through those silky, midnight locks.

Good God did it feel so good to kiss the raven!

The need for air could be such s pesky bitch. Their lips were forced apart, causing a whiny moan to escape the blonde's lips. Just when Naruto was about to get some more snogging, he was roughly pushed back against the cool reflective glass, his hands instantly pinned above his head.

"What the fuck are you doin-" once again the blonde www interrupted by the feeling of cool hands massaging the crotch of his pants. Naruto threw his head back against the glass and moaned, the sound reverberating around the seemingly empty attraction.

Sasuke steadily kneaded the throbbing organ through the annoying fabric of the blondes jeans, until he felt Naruto give one, very, enthusiastic buck of the hips told him he had teased the blonde enough.

"You want this don't you?" Sasuke licked and nipped at the reddening earlobe as hid hand dipped below the waist band of Naruto's pants.

Each careful and precise stroke felt like Naruto was having his hips jerker forward by marionette strings, he know longer had control of his lower half.

His moans buzzed around Sasuke's ears, sending his blood pumping to all the right places. His was absolutely high from his blonde, and the way he moved so seductively without even trying.

Their hips grinded shamelessly against one another, and sooner or later pants were discarded and strewn somewhere only the good lord knew.

Nimble fingers stroked the balls, while tanned and trembling fingers did their own damage by running a thumb along the throbbing shaft of the raven. Both boys moaned when they felt that special spot being touched and that tingle bolt of electricity spark their blood. Their tongues searched for each other, only to engage in another salty dance.

Naruto's bucks became erratic, fervent, and needy. He wanted that sweet, sweet release that he was so close too! He could feel the pleasure rising, his stomachs turn into Swiss knots, his body temperature rising, and the feeling that he was bringing his partner into release as well just made him even more hornier.

"S-Sasuke!" Naruto moaned loudly as sharp teeth dug into his neck, sucking and biting until there was a fresh, red mark.

The absolute buzz he felt from such sadistic pleasure sent him way over the edge. He bucked his hips hard as his orgasm coursed through him, the sticky substance staining the raven's hands.

The blonde's hands trembled widely as they stroked and stroked until Sasuke was brought over the edge as well. The two stared at each other - or as much staring as Naruto could do through a blindfold - and kissed on final time before they collapsed into a sweaty heap on the floor.

Sasuke, after regaining his breath, brought the blonde into his chest and undid his blindfold. "We should do that more often." he chuckled and placed a chaste kiss on the blondes forehead.

One day, these two were going to get caught in the act, and it's going to be the funniest thing ever.

"Keep a lock on those hormones, Teme." Naruto bit out, the sweat was dampening his bangs to his face, and his blue eyes glistened with slight traces of lust.

This would have been a beautiful moment for the two, if the hilarious turn of fate didn't decide to act as it did, now.

"Sari, you jizzed on the mirrors!"

"I told you to catch it in your mouth."

"Oh good God," Naruto groaned and buried his face deep into the warm chest of his boyfriend. Oh, what an embarrassing moment this was, indeed!

"Sasori and Deidara, get out here." oh no, the raven was growling. Apparently he didn't grasp the concept that you're supposed to feel all hippie-like after an intensive hand job.

The two figures stepped out from behind the mirrors. One grinning blonde and one stoic red-head at your service!

Deidara was the first to react, his face shining brightly as if he didn't just spend his day stalking two teenage boys.

"Oh what a coincidence, un! How are yah, Kit-chan, Raven?"

"Why are you guys even here?" Naruto cried. Wasn't there such a thing as privacy anymore?

"Funny story really, un."

Sasuke furrowed his eyebrows, "Care to share, then?"

Sasori, who decided to use his pair, finally stepped into the conversation.

"About thirty minutes after you guys left, the cafe was bombed pretty badly."

"WHAT?" the blonde and raven exclaimed at the same time. How the hell does the cafe get bombed and they only hearing of this now?

Where was the humor in that?

"Sari, you're being overdramatic!" Deidara punched him in the arm playfully, "It wasn't bombed, it was more of an explosion of sorts!"

Still not seeing the humor here...

"Why didn't you tell us this sooner?" Sasuke growled.

Sasori glanced over at Deidara, and vice versa, before breaking out into a small grin.

"Now where would be the fun in that?"

Ohhhh... There's the humor.

* * *

I'm pretty psyched to start my Naruto fanfic Kick/Start, soon. But that'll probably be posted after STI is done xD. The first chapter is up on mediaminer if you'd all like to read it :D.

**Next time on ACC: COSPLAY WARS!**

**Summary: It is on like Donkey Kong - nuff said.**

Lmfao, that's all you be gettin from my you pirates! ARRGGAAAHHHH-

okay I'm going to bed :L.

NIGHT~ TILLNEXTTIME :D.


	20. Cosplay Wars!

**Warning: I break da wall twice for I am Fallen and I am all powerful-ish-ish! Secondly, my humor has returned, hopefully because I found some parts actually funny! It's a miracle from God! :D. Also, I'm evil at the end, and you'll know why. I would tell you, but honestly the surprise effect would be ruined if I did such a silly thing like that.**

**Special thanks to Deidara Luv3r, Monounoke, Jillkun-ness and Boo I scare you for always being my constant reviewers! I love you guys so much you don't even know :3. You're all the reason why I keep updating this fanfic, haha. Do you feel my love? 8D. Doooo youuuuu? Because if not I'll give you all hugs and pies!**

**The good kind of pies ;D.**

Read and Enjoy everyone!

**

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**Akatsuki Cosplay Café**

**Chapter Twenty: Cosplay Wars!**

Itachi grimaced at the scene before him. It wasn't a total loss, really. Just a few minor tables were dancing alive with flames on one side of the debris. Tobi had broken an arm and would be handicapped for a while. That wasn't too major. A customer was caught underneath a giant rock, but Kisame was being himself and taunting the customer to get out himself. That was okay too.

However, when the older raven's eyes landed on the dismantled door of the Cosplay Closet vandalized with a provocative picture of Sugetsu wearing nothing but a Speedo and a smirk sent Itachi's blood pounding in his ears.

'They did not…' he thought, but his footsteps quickened against the ashy pink floor of his café. The older raven pretty much broke into a sprint after that, his nerves snapping one by one as he ran inside the closet into the unspeakable horrors within.

"Those fucking bastards!" he scowled, eyeing the disaster that was once his wonderful Cosplay costumes. Down the tiniest of hand gloves and up to the sexiest pieces of men undies you would ever lay eyes on, everything was pretty much burnt to an even crisp.

If Itachi wasn't the man he was, he would have cried.

"Weasel-san, Kisame managed to get the customer out of the – Holy shit! What the hell happened here?" Hidan let loose a low whistle as he surveyed the damage. "I _told_ Pein he couldn't roast marshmallows in here. But does he ever listen to me? No, he doesn't." Hidan shook his head slowly, knowing very well he was about get an earful out of his raven. "I'm so sorry, Weasel-san! I'll go rough him up a bit, if you want me too."

Itachi's eyes were casted over by a shadow as his trembling fingers gripped the burnt remains of his favorite dress. As he held onto his last few shreds of dignity and manly hood – they were slowly draining away, you see – a tiny piece of paper with horrible hand writing scrawled on it fell out of the little slit in the dress.

_Dear Itachi,_

_Let me put this bluntly. Screw with me, you get burnt – badly. I hope no one has died._

_Love,_

_Orochimaru._

What the fuck? You don't put 'love' at the end of a letter when you just ripped away someone's pride and joy! What a prick that freaky snake guy was.

The older raven slowly got up, crumpling the paper in his hands and throwing it the ground. After that, he grinned wickedly as he stomped the paper for all it was worth. A low chuckle rumbled from his throat, as his mind was whirring with all the possible ideas of revenge he could cast upon his idiotic competition.

'They may have the upper hand now…' Itachi thought slyly, walking out of the closet with stride, 'But when you fuck with an Uchiha, be prepared to get fucked back.' He turned on his heel, finally shushing the blabbering Hidan who was in the middle of some story involving a rabbit and a piece of licorice.

"Hidan, does it really look like I care right now?"

"If I turn my head sideways it does," Hidan chuckled and placed a kiss on Itachi's cheek, only to have his lips slapped away in a form of rejection.

"Rally up the remaining workers and call back the four buffoons from their date." Itachi's eyes hardened as his plan was finally coming into full bloom. "We're having an emergency meeting and I need them here, yesterday!"

Hidan saluted, "Sir, yes, sir!" he mentally chuckled. Itachi was just so fucking sexy when he turned all demanding and sergeant like. It almost made him want to bend down, spread his legs, and begged to be whipped over and over again like a dog.

But sadly their play whip they used for the S&M Fridays was burned in the fire. Meaning they couldn't have their submissive seme role-playing for the night.

What a bummer…

"Dismissed," Itachi nodded and briskly walked away. In his lovely looking mind, the older raven was already coming up with blue prints upon blue prints of in-depth military machines he could possibly smuggle in through his connections. Not only was that going on in his sexy, little mind but another part of him was formulating a list of the hottest Cosplay designers in Tokyo.

By now he already had at least ten designers on the least and about fifty designs a piece of what he needed to order.

**It's a Break Folks**

Fallen: I love how Itachi has you whipped, Hidan.

Hidan: -scoffs- What happened to your not breaking the wall, Fallen?

Fallen: -double scoff- What happened to your manliness, Dog Boy?

Sasuke: Don't you have a chapter to finish writing?

Fallen: -stares blankly at the computer screen-

Naruto: Oh shit, she's using the wall as a distraction! Quick, someone put up the fucking wall, already!

**Those Cheeky Bastards put up the Wall**

The blonde and the raven officially entered the battle zone.

They never expected it in the least. Honestly, after being stalked for the majority of their date, and then rushing back once they learned that a part of the café was blown up. They never expected the damage to be this... sustained. Sasuke nearly jumped out of his skin. Mostly because Sasori and Deidara had come about with the news in such a passive way that it seemed like the two wouldn't care if the place was nuked and there was no survivors left.

Naruto, on the other hand, was more worried about what type of sick and psychotic person would blow up a café in the first place. Sure, he'd heard of terrorists, his uncle literally _invented _the word – yeah, don't think about that too much – but to blow up a place where gay men could openly wear dresses and please the fantasies of yaoi fans around the world was absolutely inhumane!

Then the blonde berated himself for thinking such thoughts in the first place. Yes, overpriced pastries, fancy teas, and mistaken gender crisises does change a person's way of thinking quite a bit.

Sasori and Deidara followed in shortly after. The two were holding hands and giggling about some perverted sign they had passed on the way to the café. Something about a 69 year old man in need of Viagra to help improve his love life. Oh yes, that sign sent Deidara's stomach into stitches for quite a while.

Deidara was the first to comment on the damage, actually taking the time to skim over the scene now that he had the chance to examine anything. A low whistle escaped his lips as he easily kicked a boulder off to the side.

"This is fucking insane." It's always the blonde ones that love to state the obvious. Would you classify it as mentally insane that Deidara whipped out a big stick up dynamite and started to have a mini-debate on whether or not he wanted to light it a flame?

Yeah, think about it for a while…

Sasori, obviously, was the next to point out an overly blunt statement. Since obviously that was the type of person Sasori was.

"I wonder if anyone died." He asked silently. His mind was completely enrapt at the beautiful dancing flames that used to be the café's priceless tables imported from France. Hm, at least Pein could get the campfire he always wanted. Too bad Itachi was probably having a mental breakdown at the increasing damage.

Sasuke was the next one to make a comment about the damage. His grip on Naruto's hand tightened as thoughts of actual compassion flitted through his mind as he took in the damage.

'Aniki's going to be pissed.' No shit, Sherlock. 'This means he'll probably want to extract revenge on whoever did this.' Oh, the raven was starting to connect dots! What joy! Let's see what shape he connects!

The raven tilted his head to the side, wondering how and when he could get the blonde and himself out of this war zone as fast as possible before Itachi could find them and incorporate them in another scheme that would probably get them more screwed then their last failed mission.

"Naruto-"

"-Sasuke, this is so cool!" Naruto mused, bouncing on the balls of his feet as he surveyed the damage around the area. In the blonde's wonderful world of imagination, he imagined the burning tables as flags of fallen countries being torched, and the big boulders and huge debris were just broken off parts of heavy artillery.

If you hadn't already noticed, Naruto was one hell of a military buff. That, or he just had a few screws unloosed up there in his imagination. Either way, Naruto found this whole situation as cool as finding a new Crayola crayon in your coloring box.

"What in the world do you find cool about this?" Sasuke waved his hand around all of 'this'. He had always thought Naruto was a little short of the crazy stick, but now this was fucking ridiculous. He needed someone sane to smack a whole lot of sense into these idiots!

Too bad he was never going to find that someone anytime soon. In the meanwhile though, Itachi was pretty much the next best thing.

Before Naruto could go into some overrated spiel on how Sasuke just needed to have an open mind and look at the damage in a way that even a five-year old child would awe at, Itachi marched in with black studded combat boots, dark green skinny jeans, and a black military blazer with a badge that said he was certified for unprotected sex.

Yes folks, that means Itachi was well trained in the skills of sex without a condom.

"Oh, you look very nice, Tachi, un!" Deidara nodded as he admired that spiffy looking badge pinned on Itachi's blazer. He wanted a shiny pin too! He was more than qualified to have sex unprotected, but that was another story that you'd never hear on a rainy day.

"Your boots look like they need to be spit on." Well then, Sasori… way to be sanitary in every situation!

Itachi barely regarded the two with a nod before adjusting the visor of his cap over his eyes. The burning flames were suddenly growing higher, but they somehow were tied with the fueling flames in his stomach that was growing brighter as the images of Orochimaru begging for forgiveness flashed through his mind.

First, Orochimaru would be tied to a chair – no, an _electric _chair, and forced to sing the Chinese alphabet backwards without any mistakes!

Then, he'd be dangled above a shark pit, screaming for his life and to hold onto some shred of dignity. But of course, Itachi was never any easily forgiving man.

Lastly, the freaking snake bastard would be put to rest in the most embarrassing and excruciatingly painful way Itachi could think of. And when the bastard was dead and gone, Itachi would happily dance on his grave when no one was around to account his jovial attitude.

Oh yes… Revenge was such a fucking bitch! But it felt so damn good!

"Sasori, Deidara," Itachi's forceful nature brought the two into attention. "Since our outfits have been brutally destroyed, we will be using our back up costumes in the lower storage room. Go find your military uniforms and report to me in thirty seconds. Understood?"

"Haaai~" Deidara sang, skipping away with a grumbling Sasori trudging along behind him.

"Oi, Itachi, what orders do you wanna give me?" awe, Naruto was such the cutie when he begged to be ordered. If the situation wasn't so dire, Sasuke might have found it slightly kinky. And or, allow the feeling of jealousy to consume him alive at the fact that Naruto was begging _Itachi _to be ordered around like some pack mule on a leash.

Oh no, Naruto was _Sasuke's_ pack mule. But as mentioned earlier, the situation at hand was too dire to worry about such trivial things. Now next chapter, then all hell could be broken loose and no one would give two flying shits about it.

**Why Oh Why is there a Crack?**

Naruto: Fallen! Was that a lame attempt of foreshadowing again?

Fallen: I don't know, Blondie. I'm too tired to think straight.

Deidara: Then go to bed, Idiot!

Fallen: Hey! You're supposed to be the nice character! What the fuck, man?

Pein: Mr. Snuggles said you should put up the wall or else.

Fallen: Or else what? –puts hand on hip-

_(You really don't want to know what happens once you defy Mr. Snuggles)_

**Mr. Snuggles Got His Way…Again.**

Itachi smirked. It wasn't everyday that Naruto was willingly throwing himself into the lion's den. He had to admit, he was brimming with energy to use Naruto to the very bone in his own selfish attempts at restoring his pride.

Smiling, Itachi rested a hand on Naruto's shoulder and looked him squarely in the eye. "Naruto, sadly, this mission requires the proper attire if we wish to go on any further."

Naruto felt like he was just kicked in the gut by some temperamental grandmother. He couldn't believe that absolute bull that was parading around his ears at the moment. Naruto Mother Fucking Uzumaki couldn't participate in a military mission because he wasn't properly dressed?

Well fuck that, Naruto was his own man, and there was no way in hell that he was going to bow down the whims of a handsomely dressed man in military clothing.

"Just tell me what I need to wear and I'll do it!" Oh c'mon, Naruto! Where's your dignity?

Itachi chuckled. Oh yes, it felt so _very _good to have a well operating buffoon on his team. Although, he didn't miss the weary glance he was receiving from his dear Otouto. He couldn't have Sasuke interfere with his plans, so he might as well sugar coat things to please his brother to some extent.

"Pein and Mr. Snuggles will take you out shopping for the right clothes. While I handle Sasuke's clothing myself. When you come back, we'll all be waiting for your arrival to start the debriefing."

It takes major skill to lie through your teeth with a smile plastered on your face.

"Itachi," Sasuke's voice was bordering along weary and suspicious as he cocked an eyebrow towards his brother, "why are you pairing Naruto up with Pein? Wouldn't it be easier if the dobe and I went by ourselves?"

Oh Sasuke, obviously you do not understand the ethics of a well formulated plan.

The older raven shook his head at his brother's top notch ability to reason in any situation. He didn't now whether he should be proud of his otouto or if he should simply smack him in the back of the head for speaking out.

It was such a tough decision…

Instead, Itachi decided to go with the former and ruffled his brother's hair. That was enough to satisfy him since the gesture earned him a growl and a few pretty words from Sasuke.

"I am glad to see your ability to reason hasn't failed after adopting the idiot as a boyfriend." Wow Itachi, way to be an asshole when the blonde's beaming at you with such appreciation and wonder. "But, as you see, I can not trust you to get this phase of the mission completed if you are more concerned with stripping Naruto rather than helping him get dressed." Of course, Itachi had to whip out his handy dandy notebook and pretend to scribble some notes onto the pages. "You do see where I am going with this, correct?"

"I understand completely," Sasuke said through hissed teeth before turning on his heels and looking at his blonde. Naruto was still giving those star twinkling eyes towards his older brother, and he had to admit the jealousy bug was biting his ass pretty hard by now. If he was going to be separated from his blonde for a while, he came up with the conclusion that he would blow away Naruto's mind so that the only thing he'd be admiring afterwards was Sasuke's amazing kissing skills.

It was a pretty decent plan, really.

Sasuke smirked and wrapped a loose arm around the blonde's waist, pulling him close to his chest. Naruto's eyes turned half-lidded, and his breath got caught in his throat when he felt those devilish lips pull and suck on his bottom lip. Moaning into the kiss, Naruto allowed Sasuke to ravage his mouth with that delicious tongue until his knees started to buckle from the waves of pleasure that were turning his legs into jelly.

Itachi, feeling less than awkward, cleared his throat to break a part the heated lip lock. They were in a war, dammit! The only time they could suck face was when the war was won. Everyone knew that but obviously Sasuke was damn slow on the uptake.

Reluctantly parting their lips, the two whispered their goodbyes as Naruto was forcibly dragged away by a nonchalant Pein and a emotionless Mr. Snuggles.

"Now then, Otouto, the only pants we have left are light pink and banana yellow." Itachi smirked wickedly as he presented the pieces of clothing to his brother. "I really think the yellow would bring out your eyes quite well."

"Fuck you, Itachi!" With those lovely words, Sasuke stalked off in pursuit for better pants. Too bad he would never find them…

+Akatsuki Cosplay Café+

"Pein, the jeans won't fit over my hips!"

"Then get bigger jeans."

"But the sizes don't go any higher!" Naruto whined as he tried to hike up the extremely tight skinny jeans up his fat hips. Okay, so they weren't really fat, but Pein had decided to be the funny guy for once and give Naruto a pair of girl skinny jeans to wear just so he could fuck with him a little.

Apparently that idea was turning out fairly well.

Pein raised an eyebrow, skimming over the blonde's body for a mere second. Sweat was forming along his muscles from exerting too much energy trying to slip on the pants. And he was wearing his plaid boxer shorts that were easily visible since the pants didn't even cover his ass.

He silently noticed how much of a resemblance the boy shared with Mina-chan. Oh my… maybe he'll even connect the dots soon! Eh, most likely not…

"Alright, get out of the pants." Pein, being the kind and generous person he was, allowed Naruto to save some scrap of his dignity to take off the pants. On the outside he held up an easy poker face, while on the inside he was cackling like a hyena at the face Naruto made when he realized that the tag showed off a brand especially made for juniors.

"You fucking bastard, you gave me girl pants!" Naruto chucked the pants with all his strength, pouting when he realized Pein caught them without even batting an eyelash. A few more sailor words were said that would probably corrupt any small child and make your mother cry before Pein left to find actually guy cargo pants for the boy to wear.

"Bastard…" the blonde muttered, fixing his shirt back so that it fell nicely against his torso. He stared at himself in the mirror, and blushed slightly when he read over the shirt Sasuke bought for him once more. Thoughts of their date, the kisses they shared, and just all the fun times they enjoyed today raced through his mind at lightning speed.

'I sort of miss the teme,' he thought sadly, leaning his forehead against the cool glass. His breath fogged up the mirror and his finger instantly started to draw their initials on the glass with a heart around their names.

Oh my, since when has Naruto been such a sentimental teenager?

"Naruto Uzumaki, I presume?" the voice was smooth like velvet and sweet like honey to the blonde's ears. Now normally, one would think that parent's would beat into their children's brain about stranger danger. But you must understand that Naruto was raised by one father and a crazy ass uncle that grew him up in a totally _different_ environment from what was considered the norm.

So basically, to Naruto strangers were people with weird accents and abnormal behavior and not someone that randomly comes up to you, knowing your name when you never met that person one day in your life.

"Yup, that's me!" Naruto beamed. The dude seemed pretty normal by Naruto's standards. He had long, shoulder-length, brown hair that was tied into a loose ponytail with eyes that were sort of a pale purple-ish color. To anyone else, the man might have come off a little bit weird, and possibly even a transvestite. But, if you recall Deidara's hair that pretty much touched his butt, Naruto wasn't fairly concerned.

And now, this is where the blonde's lack of stranger danger training kicks in.

'Idiot,' the brunette thought and within a few seconds he had the blonde in a choke hold with a crumpled piece of napkin shoved all up in his face. "You're presence has been summoned." He effortlessly recited the lines he was meant to use for this capture scene. Counting down the seconds until the blonde went unconscious and limp in his arms; the brunette pulled out a small walkie talkie from his coat pocket and held down the button.

"Neji reporting back to base, the idiot has been successfully captured."

"Excellent," the voice on the other end of the line crackled to the life. Neji felt his skin crawl at the sickening laugh that followed shortly after. His boss was the biggest creep he had ever met, but he paid well and even rented him out a nice little apartment in the clean area of Tokyo.

So really… he couldn't complain about his boss' behavior just yet.

"I'll be bringing him back, now." Neji shut off the device and shoved it back in his pocket. His eyes ghosted over the limp and drooling body of his target and mentally sighed. How in the hell was he going to manage carrying the blonde out like this?

Well then, Neji, just use your imagination, you'll figure it out somehow.

+Akatsuki Cosplay Café+

Pein returned a few minutes later – completely missing the blonde's kidnapping by a mile – with a bag full of cute little dresses and tuxedos to dress up Mr. Snuggles later tonight. No worries though, he did manage to snag a nice pair of khaki cargo shorts for the blonde to wear.

"Naruto-kun, I brought you some shorts…" his voice dropped off when he realized that no one was in the dressing room at all. He turned his head so he could face Mr. Snuggles who was resting comfortable in his backpack with his head poking out so he wouldn't suffocate in the bag. "Mr. Snuggles, did you see Naruto-kun leave earlier?"

A few moments of understandable silence later…

"Oh, so he was kidnapped you think?"

A few more moments…

"… This is bad."

No shit, Sherlock.

* * *

WHATTTT? Naruto was kidnapped? :O OH NO !

**Next time on ACC: Dirty Tricks**

**Summary: Sasuke receives word that Naruto was captured by the enemy! Oh hellz to the no, the raven will not stand for this one bit! So guess who goes to rescue Naruto?**

Till next time :D. I'm off to write some chapters of Kick/Start and my new, angsty, Naruto oneshot :D.

Peace out~


	21. What a Dirty Trick!

GUYYYYS! OhMiGoodness, I am SO sorry for the delay! I wanted to get this out on Sunday but you know... FF was being a pain in my ass that day :/. Not allowing me to log in and all that bad stuff... v.v.

Anyway! Thank you one and all for your reviews! I love reading them and they make me very happy (:. It makes that warm and fuzzy feeling pool in my stomach at the thought that someone actually took the time to review my chapters! Thank you :D.

Now on to the warning...

**WARNINNNG: Naruto is used as a dirty trick o:! Things get kinda of...kinky, for like, one paragraph xD. Snuggles and FooFoo almost go at it for another round! Anything you read hurr is all coming out of the crazy mind of Fallen! Some drug use... no big deal. And FINALLLYY! Sasuke somes some emotion :o! DUN DUN DUN!**

Enjoy.

* * *

**Akatsuki Cosplay Café**

**Chapter 21: What a Dirty Trick!**

Sasuke was on his very last strands of nerves right now as his banana yellow jeans he was forced into were riding up in all the wrong – all though Itachi would have claimed them to be the _right _– places. But that was only the comical half of Sasuke Uchiha's nervous breakdown.

The _serious _half – which could pertain to some sort of comedic relief if you searched hard enough for it – was the fact that neither Naruto nor Pein had returned yet from their shopping adventure. Now Sasuke knew the blonde's quirks, habits, and things that pissed him off to no end, like the back of his sexily spiked hair. So of course he knew that Naruto wasn't the type of person you'd want to carry around with on a long trip to the mall.

After about an hour or so of playing with the games on display at GameStop and making awkward comments about the people who went in and out of Spencers, Naruto was ready to head on home.

So _obviously_ something struck in the raven's mind as 'not right' when it had already been six hours without a word of contact from neither his blonde or Pein.

"Oi, Lil' Raven," Hidan poked Sasuke's cheeks until his hand was swatted away and pouted, "You look like something crawled up your ass and died." Wow, you've gotta admire Hidan's bluntness, eh? "What's wrong?"

Sasuke was still scowling from the unwanted contact – he was never the type of person who liked to be touch without a reason – but something about the way Hidan's voice held on to that thin strand of concern – it was very, _very _thin mind you – made his features soften slightly along with his eagerness to share his problems.

"It's Naruto…"

"Oh! You mean Blondie?" Hidan's eyes sparkled as the epiphany smacked him upside the head a few good times. "We got word about for hours ago that he disappeared without a trace from Pein." It would have been better if Hidan hadn't said that one sentence with an idiotic smile placed on his face.

Do you hear that? That was the sound of Sasuke's sanity snapping.

+Akatsuki Cosplay Café: It's a Blonde Moment+

Naruto awoke in the most uncomfortable situation you could possibly imagination. Mind still clogged with whatever drug his captor gave him to pass out, the blonde was currently tied to a wooden chair with his legs spread wide open and his shirt and pants completely gone – pretty much leaving him in nothing but his starry sky boxers that he always wore on Wednesdays. This all would have been one big barrel of laughs to Naruto in his drugged state, but of course there was always that small voice of reason in the back of everyone's mind that was screaming at him that this was _not _a funny situation.

Although to some people it really is…

"Ungh…" Naruto groaned, his head rolling to the side every which way. His head throbbed like someone took the courtesy to beat it over and over again with a hammer. He had no idea where he was, absolutely no clue that he was pretty much in his birthday suit, and was in no fucking mood to listen to two people complain about what the hell are they going to do with their bloody menu choices.

But what he _was _in the mood for was a certain raven coming along and making all that pain go away with that magical tongue of his. But that's besides the point, at the moment.

"Kabuto, for the last time, I am not adding that dish onto our appetizers list." The low, scratchy like sandpaper, and creepy to the ears, voice rang through Naruto's own ear drums sending a shudder down his spine. That man had the word "Creep" stenciled all over him and he didn't even know what the guy looked like!

"But Orochimaru-sama," Kabuto pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose and released a heavy sigh. Damn this man and his fucking stubbornness. "I've crunched the numbers, and I've taken the polls – people _want _something fresh and exciting." He was in a mid-pace before, but stopped to sit on Orochimaru's desk and run his fingers through those midnight locks.

"Picture this, you're craving for something sweet – a cake for example – but you have no plate to serve the cake on." He smirked, leaning in closer to an exposed white ear and tickling it with his hot breath. "What are you going to do? You'll borrow a little blonde, and carefully assort the fruits and cream onto every nook and cranny you can find on that lithe body, and then slowly devour your 'cake'." Kabuto gently nibble on Orochimaru's ear, "How does that sound?"

The man couldn't help but shiver at the contact of teeth grazing flesh. Good God, Kabuto could drive him insane without even trying it was that scary – and yet strangely erotic at the same time, eh? If Orochimaru wasn't the sort of person he was… he probably would have labeled himself as whipped…

But Orochimaru isn't that type of man now is he?

"Brilliant idea as always, Kabuto," Orochimaru chuckled and wrapped his fingers around the back of his lover's neck, drawing their lips closer and closer. "Let's try out the dish first… just to make sure it works…" he whispered against those quivering lips before flicking his abnormally long tongue out to lap at the bottom half of the flesh.

Of course, Naruto was still tied to that uncomfortable wooden chair, and it seemed like the two hormonal creeps in the room were too busy going at it to pay him any mind. So, wouldn't it have been the smart thing to do to try and break his chains and somehow escape from where the hell he was trapped in? Although, some part of his mind was telling him that he should wait it out for his knight in sexy, midnight armor to come rescue him, but since Naruto was always the stubborn one, he decided to break out himself.

Because remember... Naruto's not the brightest crayon in the pack of 72 Crayola crayons. And who knows… he might have found being tied up sort of… kinky…

"I work for idiots." like a ninja appearing to save the day, Neji shook his head slowly and started to untie the ropes. "Ignore them, Naruto Uzumaki; they get like this at least six times a day." Once the ropes had dropped to the ground with a silent thud, Naruto got up and flexed his throbbing wrists.

Damn those guys could tie one hell of a knot…

"Here. I'm guess you've still failed to realize that you're lacking any clothing so I picked these up for you." Neji shoved the bag full of Naruto's clothing to him and shrugged his shoulders at the perplexed look he was getting. "Look, _I _wasn't the one to strip you bare and tie you to a chair – that was all Juugo."

"Haa… you said strip!" Naruto giggled and started to sniff the clothes he was given in an attempt to do – well… no one really knew what he was trying to do, but obviously it wasn't normal.

"Right, still drug-induced," Neji incurred, risking his final shreds of sanity to glance at the couple romping on the desk. 'Idiots,' he thought with a scowl on his face. They had hired him in the first place to kidnap the blonde and they weren't even paying attention to Naruto at all. Neji scoffed and glanced back at the blonde who was trying to fit his pants on over his head.

'An even bigger idiot,' he thought with a sigh as he calmly told Naruto that pants go on his legs – not over his head. "I think some tea will knock some sense – whatever sense you had in the first place – back into you." Grabbing the idiot's hand, he dragged Naruto away from the romping couple and into the empty café.

Now normally, Naruto would be thrashing, and screaming, and rebelling against his kidnapper and screaming highly hilarious yet choice and colorful words to let him go. Obviously, since there was still some confusion lingering on his mind, Naruto looked through the world in the perspective of a candy-hyped toddler.

"Drink this." Neji pushed the cup of tea forward, hoping it would bring the blonde from his drug-induced high, only to cock an eyebrow at the blonde's blank response.

"You have pretty eyes," Naruto giggled after about five seconds of staring at his captor's face. He did have a point – in some respect – since Neji's eyes _were _truly different. A pale purple that was still elegant despite its lack of pupils. However, it really wasn't the right time to point that sort of thing out to the person that kidnapped you.

But, as stated before: Naruto is, was, and always shall be, the weird one. Being drugged up just makes his antics all the more funny.

"I know," was Neji's nonchalant reply. Wow, what a humble guy that Neji kid is. "Now drink."

"Haaaaiiii!" Naruto drawled and gulped the tea down in a matter of two minutes and thirty-five seconds – not that Neji was counting or anything. More and more, though, the brunette was becoming shocked – and a little bit crept out – by the blonde's actions. The drug he used to knock out the blonde couldn't have been _that _powerful.

'Although Kabuto had told me to use triple the normal dosage,' Neji thought with a nonchalant shrug. Oh well, he was getting paid by the hour whether or not the choices he had made were right – which they most certainly weren't – so he decided to just live with it and watch the blonde's crazy antics.

A few minutes later and Naruto experienced a reaction.

"It's fucking hot!" haa… what a serious delayed reaction you got there, Blondie. Naruto's tongue felt like someone decided to be a cold hearted bastard and placed hot coals all over the sensitive flesh – leaving that weird, raw, scratchy, feeling you get after a burn.

"Obviously," the brunette scoffed and twirled a strand of hair around his finger, "tea is normally served hot." Unless you're drinking ice tea of course, then you're not really concerned about burning your tongue, now are you?

The blonde – who was fanning his tongue the whole time – stopped his comically delayed reaction to glare at the nonchalant blonde across from him.

"Who the fuck are you?" See, a burn to the tongue is the best way to bring someone down from a high!

Man on man… you've just gotta love that sailor's mouth.

+Akatsuki Cosplay Café: Let's Skip to the Raven+

"Aniki!" Sasuke burst through his brother's office door, anger fueling his maddening stomps as he approached his brother talking to a – very handsome – construction worker.

"Yes, I would like the closet space to be a walk-in. Preferably the size of an average room. And by average, I mean the room a person with social status and wealth would own – estimates are allowed." Itachi explained smoothly as he idly jotted down notes in his glorious notebook. "On the inside I would like a 10 ft x 8 ft catwalk adorned with flashing runway lights and a three-way mirror at the edge of it."

He smirked at the fidgeting man before him. He really did love making people squirm – in fear and in pleasure. "And one more thing… keep the walls and ceilings black with a splash of red splatter paint placed at every forty-five degree corner of this room. Understood?"

The very handsome construction worker had to hold back the insistent urge to puke at the ridiculous request. Okay, so it really wasn't _that _horrendous of a request, but the devilous smirk and demonic – cough, sexyfine – aura that surrounded his client told him loud and clear that if even _one _of his members placed a paint splatter at one degree above or below forty-five they would be absolutely screwed.

In more ways than one…

Sasuke cocked an eyebrow. It wasn't exactly everyday he got to see his older brother harass a stranger with such class. Normally he was much, _much_, worse than how he was treating the poor guy. So you could consider the handsome construction worker very lucky today.

'Must be because of his looks,' or the fact that Itachi didn't want the bill to be determined based on his perverted and sadistic tendencies.

Shrugging of the matter anyways, it really wasn't that important, Sasuke fixed his brother with a cold, hard glare.

"Naruto's missing." Way to get your point across, Sasuke.

"And my closet has been completely destroyed and my clothes burned to a highly expensive crisp." Itachi flipped to a new page in his notebook and raised a casual eyebrow. "What else is new?"

Ohhhh yes… Sasuke has just been pushed off the deep end.

"Don't you even care that he's missing?" Sasuke snapped with absolute fury pumping through his veins. He had never felt this angry before; especially not for someone else. It was completely foreign, and a little bit scary to him. "Naruto's been gone for over six hours and absolutely no one has gotten up their asses to help! I'll be damned if you think I'm going to just sit here and do nothing."

Enjoying watching his little brother seethe with anger and hostility, Itachi settled his notebook of wonders done and cocked another eyebrow Sasuke's way.

"Are you done yet?"

"… Damn you, Itachi."

"Good. Then sit down and shut up."

Itachi motioned to the seat in front of him, but when Sasuke decided to play the stubborn bitch card and refused to move, Itachi had enough. His tone of voice changed from a refined aristocrat to an angered truck driver.

"Look yah little fucker. I told you to sit the fuck down. Now do it!"

Sasuke – who was too stunned to retort with any of his smart wit – chose the smart path and slowly descended into the chair. His anger stayed firmly in place though, but it wasn't as flared up as to not want to listen to whatever his brother had to say.

No matter how insane the words may turn out to be.

"Good," Itachi casually twirled the end of his ponytail as he effortlessly slipped back into his too-refined-for you person. "Now that I have your attention, you're going to listen up and listen well. You're not thinking rationally, Otouto. Do you really think anyone would be this calm if we didn't know who kidnapped Naruto?"

The younger raven just cocked his eyebrow in a silent question. Just where in the world of colors was his brother going with this?

"Think, Otouto, it's really not that hard to figure out who stole your boy toy." The older raven tried to play it off as nonchalantly as possible but Sasuke couldn't miss the certain hard edge that embedded in his brother's voice.

The younger raven didn't have to think all that hard as he connected the pretty little – painstakingly obvious – dots together. Who else would kidnap Naruto rather than some random pedophile with a fetish for cute blondes?

The answer's simple: Orochimaru.

"If you knew he did it… why aren't we over there kicking ass and taking names right now?" Sasuke finally had it with his brother's I-don't-really-give-a-fuck attitude and was just about to borrow Deidara's stick of dynamite (no sexual innuendo involved, lovelies) and blow up Orochimaru's café until he found his blonde.

And who knows… maybe they'll have some amazing rescue sex later on when everything's been blown to wonderful smithereens.

"Before you even think of borrowing Deidara's stick of dynamite for your own twisted use," is Itachi a mind reader, or could he just see Sasuke's whole plan of action written on his face? "Let me remind you that going on that path of destruction will most likely lead to your arrest." He smirked, "Although the customers would get a kick out of seeing you dressed in stripes and handcuffed inside a jail cell."

Do you hear that? That's the sound of gears turning in Itachi's head about a new Cosplay theme. Way to use your brother's unlikely demise to your own advantage, Itachi.

"It would be worth it if it means getting Naruto back." Sasuke's voice held a firm foundation that would not be moved no matter how hard his brother tried to knock him down! Already done and over with this conversation, Sasuke started to make his way for the door – and to hunt for some explosives – when said door flew open and knocked him flat on the ass.

"Weasel-san, Hidan here reporting for duty, sir!" Hidan saluted his commanding officer, completely unaware of the hurt little raven on the floor giving him a death glare that could pretty much freeze Hell over and possibly melt a mountain in Switzerland.

"At ease, soldier." Itachi waved his hand absentmindedly at his buffoon of a lover and spared a glance at his brother rubbing his abused bum. "Apologize to my otouto. It seems as if you caused him a slight annoyance."

Yes, because the searing pain that was spreading through Sasuke's butt cheeks was just a "slight annoyance".

"Oops, sorry Lil' Raven! I didn't see you there." Obviously, but we still love Hidan anyways. Helping the scowling raven up, only to have his hand swatted away in a retort, the silver haired bandito (Ha… remember that name?) turned his attention back to his lover with a serious expression marring his face. "Our troops have lined the outer boundaries of the enemy's base, sir!"

Wow, when they get into a theme… they really get into a theme. It's sort of respectable in its own way, really.

"Excellent," Itachi nodded, a small smile teasing his lips. "Are our weapons ready for the attack?"

"Of course," Hidan replied with a scary smile of his own.

Itachi nodded, "Then what the fuck are we waiting for?" he placed his discarded general's hat back on his head and tilted it over his glimmering eyes as his heart thudded in his ears from all the excitement of his attack. "Let the battle begin!"

+Akatsuki Cosplay Café: What a Dirty Trick+

"I can't believe I agreed to do this…"

Neji was currently in a heated battle of Pokémon with no one other than Naruto Uzumaki and he was having his ass literally handed to him on a silver platter. At first, he thought Naruto was merely bluffing about it being his job to entertain him. But after the first two hours and forty-nine minutes Neji found out he was horribly wrong for thinking that.

After getting past the awkward explanation of how and why he had kidnapped him, Naruto had started to go through the predictable stages of denial, anger, and acceptance. Mind you, Neji had to put on his best poker face to handle Naruto's outrageous behavior, but it was somewhat worth it to end up where they were now.

Even though his humongous pride would definitely be injured with the way he was getting so easily whipped by Naruto.

"Ha! Take that you freaking Charmander! My Pikachu is a beast!"

Alright, so Neji's pride was a sore loser – what else is new? But after that last comment Naruto made, his injured pride had had enough torment to last him a good number of years. Scowling, and muttering colorful words under his breath, Neji flipped of the device and chucked it to the nearest wall. How the hell it managed to survive the impact was beyond him.

Naruto whined as the warning of Network Interruption flashed on his screen and flipped his device off as well. "You're such a sore loser, Neji!"

"And you're an annoying little brat." Neji countered.

"Bullshit, we're probably the same age here!"

"I'm nineteen." Nineteen and you're still getting your ass handed to you at Pokémon? For shame Neji… for shame.

"… You're still a sore loser." Naruto mumbled weekly. Way to stay on top with your insults there, Blondie. You've most definitely won that battle.

"And as I've said before: You're still an annoying brat." Although, Neji had to admit he liked it better when the blonde was drugged and loopy. At least then he had _some _control over the situation. But Neji had to learn that Naruto was _far _from being reasonable and sane in any given situation.

Before their highly undeveloped argument could hit a wall and explode into flames of idiocy, Orochimaru finally stepped out onto the café floor. Neji's eyebrows sky rocketed to the top of his forehead at the sight of his supposed boss. Pieces of his hair were stuck to his forehead from obvious signs of sweat, and his pale face was still a blaze with the afterglow of one good romp.

And his clothes… Oh God, the state of his clothes were in complete chaos. His normally straightened dark green tie was whipped over his shoulder and loose around his neck. His naturally pressed and wrinkle free dress shirt was crumpled with half its buttons torn open. And let's not even _think _about what little Orochimaru's unbuttoned pants left to the imagination…

"Hyuuga-san, I thought I made it clear to keep our captive as calmed as possible." Orochimaru cocked a graceful eyebrow at the blonde who was still flipping shit over his lost argument. Oh yes… that boy was the epitome of 'calm'.

"You did, but as you can see my efforts to calm him have went to waste." The brunette shrugged it off like it didn't really matter; which in some part of his mind it probably really didn't. "Apparently allowing him to best me in a children's game wasn't the right approach to calm him."

"I won fair and square and you know it, you sore loser!" Naruto cried from his fuming position in the booth. He was far too hung up on their earlier lame argument to even notice the devilish smirk on Orochimaru's face.

Be prepared to get screwed, Blondie…

"Congrats on your win, Naruto-kun," His voice was as smooth as the finest silk in the world as he eyed his new pawn up and down. "I see that Neji has failed to dress you as well." He commented on the blonde's lack of clothing, chuckling at the blush that grazed the boy's whiskered cheeks.

"Yeah… about that," Naruto started out slowly, _finally _getting crept out by the fact that the person who ordered his kidnapping had him undressed and trapped against his will. "You see… as much as I _love _being kidnapped by you guys – believe me, it was one hell of an experience I'll never forget – but I think it's time for me to hop the fence and go back over there." He pointed over to the café across the street and flashed them a smile, "It was nice getting kidnapped by you!"

"I knew I picked the right boy to kidnap. Your humor is infectious," Orochimaru's feral smile sent the blonde's blood running cold. "Too bad it won't help you get out of here, boy." The snake freak snapped his fingers and in ran Kabuto – in about the same fashion his lover was – with a cart full of delicious toppings and fruits of every color. "You see, I need you to get what I want. And trust me…" he leaned in closer just to freak the blonde out and whispered in his ear, "I always get what I want."

Naruto swallowed down the biggest gulp of his life.

"I may take my leave now, correct?" Neji blatantly ignored the look Naruto gave him that screamed: 'You fucking traitor, you're just going to leave me like that?' Neji simply sent him a look of his own that said: 'Fuck yes I'm going to leave you like this'.

Orochimaru nodded his head, "Your work here is done. You may help out Sugetsu and Juugo out on the main floor if you wish."

Nodding a goodbye, and passing a bored look towards the somewhat pitiful blonde, Neji flipped his hair over his shoulder in form of a wave and walked off. Leaving Naruto at the mercy of the creepy snake bastard…

"What a bastard…" Naruto mumbled, cursing Neji all the way to Hell and back for his actions. But of course, none of that went on for too long once he was pinned down to the table with said creepy snake bastard breathing down his neck… literally.

"Now, now, Naruto-kun, no need for such language," Orochimaru chuckled – he loved it when his bait struggled. It almost reminded him of when he once tied Kabuto to the bed with leather restraints and teased him until he had him begging for mercy…

Those were some fun times…

"Noooo!" Naruto struggled and struggled, but to no avail. Damn that snake bastard did have one hell of a grip. "Don't rape me, I'm fragile!" it also seems as if the blonde's mind starts to go a little… funny… once caught in a dangerous situation.

The creepy snake bastard cocked an eyebrow and sent a questioning look Kabuto's way. As a response he got a mere shrug and the 'He's crazy' look from his lover before turning his attention to the struggling blonde. In a way, he did find it cute that he thought his intentions were more than PG-13 material, only to laugh it off as the blonde being just stupid.

Besides… there's no such thing as rape in a humor and romance fanfiction.

"I assure you, Naruto-kun, I have no intention of penetrating your asshole with my enlarged penis." Do you see that smirk on Orochimaru's face? He pretty much just mind raped Naruto with his words… good job. "Now then… say 'Ahhh'.

+Akatsuki Cosplay Café: Mind Rape!+

"Is everyone in their positions?"

"Sasori and Deidara ready to go, un!" Deidara responded from their position behind a shrub that was nicely placed in front of their enemy's café.

"Tobi is ready to go!" the swirly-faced man replied from his position a top of a conveniently placed tree.

"I'm ready to kick some ass and take some names." Kisame replied with a snort as he casually lit a cigarette a top of the Orochimaru's café roof.

"… I'm getting paid double for this, right?" at Itachi's annoyed nod, Zetsu smirked, "Then yeah, I'm ready to go." Zetsu was, of course, right next to Kisame on the roof just not smoking the cancer stick like there was no tomorrow.

"Mr. Snuggles says he wants to maul Mr. FooFoo to tiny shreds," Pein answered calmly for his snuggly best friend; standing together in plain sight. To anyone else, saying such a thing in a nonchalant tone would have freaked the living Crayola out of them. It was a good thing that everyone was pretty much immune to Mr. Snuggles violent behavior, ne?

"Excellent," Itachi couldn't hide the slight thrill that seeped through his words as he tossed a glance towards his little brother. He couldn't have been more proud of him than he was now – although he'd never say that to his face. It was Sasuke Uchiha – man of the hour – who helped devise this plan for the sole purpose of rescue his boyfriend. Itachi, of course being the manipulative person he was, also tweaked the plan to make sure he ridiculed Orochimaru as much as possible.

Oh yes… this plan was going to be absolutely fucking brilliant.

"Otouto, whenever you're ready…"

Sasuke didn't even have to be told twice, without a minute's hesitation he was already firing out orders on who needs to do what, where, and when without a blink of an eye. "Charge!"

In the words only a poetic author could compose: "And the flowers of explosion bloomed into the sky."

+Akatsuki Cosplay Café: Let's Rescue Naruto!+

"Yes… right there, Kabuto. Add a little more…"

The cool icing brushed against a sensitive nipple, causing the blonde's back to arch at the sensation. It tingled and tickled and sent a noticeable twitch towards Naruto's manhood. The strawberry that was placed in his mouth held back the low moan that tried to desperately escape.

Seriously… was all this _really _needed to lure out Itachi's attention? It seemed like such a dirty trick to kidnap the blonde, and then use him in such a way, just to capture _one _person's attention.

Apparently, the plan worked rather well as Kabuto's grip on the icing tightened unrepentantly and a mess of white icing splattered against Naruto's stomach as a loud bang erupted around the café.

"Shit…" Kabuto mumbled. He was a little peeve that all his time and energy that went into this masterpiece was pretty much down the crapper now.

"Finally," Orochimaru whispered, that feral grin returning on his face.

'About fucking time they showed!' Naruto thought with a sense of happiness and relief washing through his system. The only people he knew that would blow up a public venue were none other than his workers and stoic boyfriend. Although the thought never crossed him that once they found him tied to a table with icing on his nipples and all assortments of fruit scattered around his body like a plate they would give him complete and utter Hell for the next three months.

And Sasuke might just lick off that icing for the hell of it…

In the murky clouds appeared seven heroes, each with their own personal vendetta for justice and comic violence. But there was one hero in particular standing among the rubble with his face set in a determined scowl and his midnight locks swaying in the breeze. He was a man on the mission, to say the least, and his mission was to save his damsel in distress and kick whoever's ass was responsible for the kidnapping in the first place.

His name… was Sasuke Uchiha. And he was seriously, _seriously_, pissed off.

"Naruto!" He roared, stepping over a huge boulder and ignoring the crazed looks he was getting from he was getting from ordinary customers.

Sugetsu, who was standing the closet to the destruction, stared blankly at the seven intruders. He grinned maniacally at Sasuke and cocked an eyebrow, "Oi, you know you're going to have to pay for all that shit you just blew up, right?"

"Shut the fuck up," Sasuke growled and stomped off in search for his blonde. He wasn't in the mood to deal with Orochimaru's lackeys. But he swore to himself that if even one of them looked at him funny, they were getting a black eye.

"Mr. FooFoo wants to know who let the trash in." although the comment was meant to refer to all the Akatsuki members, it was also directly meant for a certain snuggly bunny we all know and love.

Pein's eyes darkened slightly, "Trash? Trash is the thing you call a dress that you're disgusting excuse for a panda wears. Of course, that is all Mr. Snuggle's opinions." Oohhh… burrrnnnn…

"Pein, I understand that Mr. Snuggles feels threatened by this new competition," Pein silently scoffed. Threatened? Him? Not in the least. This was just mere child's play to the superior bunny. "But allow me to utterly humiliate the snake bastard who started all this, and then you may stomp anyone into the ground as you wish."

At this thought… Pein cracked a smile and happily backed off in the meanwhile.

"Alright, Weasel-san, what shall we do next?" Of course, Hidan the ever-faithful lover is right by Itachi's side, ready to do as he is commanded to do. Itachi smirked; he loved a willing servant ready to be thrown into the belly of the beast at whim.

"You'll be my back-up," Itachi carefully adjusted his visor over his red gleaming eyes and chuckled. "If anything goes wrong, you'll be the first one I expect to step in and save the day." He grabbed Hidan by the collar and pulled him into a rough kiss just for the hell of it. Tongues tangoed and danced and slid against one another like they really were walking into a battlefield.

Which they really weren't, but these sorts of people just had a flair for dramatics.

Cheeks still a blaze from the after effects of that hot kiss, Hidan happily trotted behind Itachi as they both left everyone else pretty much to their own devices and to raise as much Hell as possible.

Which, if you really thought of it, wasn't that much of a hard task to do.

+Akatsuki Cosplay Café: Are We Done Yet?+

Sasuke walked into the other half of the café where his gut feeling was telling him that his blonde was being held somewhere in there. Of course, his gut feeling really had nothing to do it with, but rather the fact that he could hear Naruto's protests and screaming his name echo through out his ears and stab his heart.

Someone was torturing him… and that someone just got put on the raven's hit list.

His footsteps quickened against the expensive tile as his thoughts of holding Naruto in his arms again fueled him on his mission. The path was straight – thank the Lord – so it only took a matter of minutes before he was face to face with Orochimaru grinning, Kabuto scowling, and Naruto on the table being used as a plate.

If this situation was a humorous one… Sasuke would have popped a boner.

The raven's fists clenched in anger, and he really wanted to just walk over there and punch that smirking snake bastard right in the kisser! But he had to be calm, cool, collected – oh to hell with it, let the fists fly, Sasuke!

Just as fist was about to connect with flesh, Orochimaru's freakishly cold hand gripped onto Sasuke's wrist and held him back with great ease. He was never the one for violence – kidnapping and mocking, hell yes – but never violence. It was utterly beneath him. However, he had to admit that seeing the raven get his feathers ruffled over the blonde was a sight so see.

"The boy means that much to you?" his snake-like tongue licked his lips at the interesting development. In all honesty, he had kidnapped Naruto because he seemed like the weakest link. And as the saying goes, a chain is as good as its weakest link. In his mind, Itachi would have been quick to rush over and save his missing worker, in terms of an exchange. What he hadn't considered was the fact that Naruto had a boyfriend who was highly overprotective and got a tad bit crazy when angered.

Oh well, serves as an interesting plot twist, ne?

"I don't have anything to answer to you," the raven spit out bitterly, desperately trying to relieve himself from Orochimaru's clutches, but sadly the attempt ended in vain. He twisted his head around so he could get a good look at Naruto, and despite the situation at hand, he couldn't help but smirk at his boyfriend.

"You look like you're having fun there, Mr. Delicious."

Naruto spat out his strawberry only to send a curse flying the raven's way, "Fuck you, Uchiha!"

We all know he would like that... Sorry, lame joke.

Speeding this chapter up along, Orochimaru chuckled at the witty banter that the two easily fell into. If the customers saw them go at it, they would pay double, maybe even triple, the amount of money they normally would to see some hot and steamy make-up sex afterwards. Thus… a whole new idea began forming in his mind.

"Kabuto, release the boy, I've had my fill of him." Orochimaru easily threw the boy off to the side where his boyfriend was currently being unlatched and cleaned off by the less-than-happy Kabuto. "You two have proven to be fairly interesting."

And just then, before we reach our somewhat cliff hanger ending, Itachi kicked down the door with his heavily glossed, black combat boot with his eyes glistening red from his anger, ambition, and desire to knock Orochimaru off the tiny little pedestal he had propped himself on all those years ago.

"God, Weasel-san, I just love it when you kick down doors like that." You also love it when Itachi sucks you off with nothing but a bow tie on, but that's just needless information that had to be shared as an analogy.

"Orochimaru," Itachi's voice was as cold and sharp as steel as he addressed his former boss and home wrecker dead in the eye, "you're always starting shit with me, aren't you? Well let me show you what exactly happens when you mess with an employee of the Akatsuki Cosplay Café."

"As interesting as that sounds," you don't sound very interested with that bored tone in your voice, Orochimaru, "I'm afraid that we'll have to skip that part of your plan." At the sight of Itachi's slightly cocked eyebrow, Orochimaru continued, "You see, you've broken, destroyed, and forcibly entered into my café for the second time now. The fist time I was lenient, amused by what you would do. The second time though, I shall admit I lured you all here, but if you all don't comply with my demands, I will make see to your arrest."

Itachi's fists clenched in anger and frustration as his eyebrows furrowed together. He would not allow this snake bastard creep show him up again. Calming down considerably, Itachi played off as the nonchalant teenager who pretended they weren't in some form of deep shit at the moment.

"Although you talk like you have the edge, I'm not so sad to say that you missed a very _important _fact to your statement." The raven smirked slightly, seeming to have the edge for the moment, "_You _were the one that issued the kidnapping of that blonde over there. _I _was doing my part as guardian and friend in retrieving him. You had already broken past the boundaries of right and wrong when you went through with your act, we were merely playing along."

Orochimaru, who was fairly impressed – and most likely wanted to get this section finished up as quickly as possible – smirked in a way that could rival the raven's own. "It seems I was wrong in my judgment of you. Alright then… how about we propose a competition of sorts, and the winner gets home free while the other pays the price for their crimes to society."

Itachi, always the one ready to best a man in a challenge, instantly perked up at the idea. "I'm listening…"

"Excellent," Orochimaru smiled deviously as he unfolded his plan, "A Cosplay café's main interest is its customers and how much money they can make off of them, so I'm proposing a bet. Whoever can make the most money in the span of one week is the winner."

"How long do we have to prepare?"

"Three weeks."

"… Done," Itachi turned his head to make eye contact with Hidan, "Hidan, round up the others and tell them to meet us back at the café in five minutes." Then he turned his attention to the pair who were clutching onto each other so desperately, Itachi thought one of them was going to snap a spinal cord. "And you two, Naruto, Sasuke, once you're done hanging all over each other, meet us there as well."

About to leave, Orochimaru threw one more comment towards the raven's way, stopping Itachi in his tracks.

"May the best man win, Itachi."

Itachi smirked, "I intend to." And with the grace that could rival any high self-esteemed king, Itachi left the café with an air of confidence and success.

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Ta Da! Done, Done, and Done :D.

I hope you all enjoyed (:.

**Next Time ON ACCCCC!**

**Chapter 22 - It's On like Donkey Kong! The Akatsuki members plus a blonde and a raven are working like mad bunnies thinking of ideas to raise more money than Orochimaru! I'm still working on it, so if you have any other ideas, do share o:!. Let's see what you all come up with ;D.**

Till next time :D.


	22. It's On Like Donkey Kong!

NARWHALS NARWHALS SWIMMING IN THE OCEAN! CAUSING A COMMOTION BECAUSE THEY ARE SO AWESOME!

Narwhals... the unicorns of the ocean and the Jedi of the sea ;D.

LMFAO. Sorry, I've had that song in my head ALL day after watching the Naruto Spoof Movie by LK... Funny shit o.o.

ANYWAY! Guys, I need some help. I have a few stories in the works, and I'm hoping to post something new since I'm pretty much done with my Save the Innocent Fanfic. So, if you wouldn't mind checking out my profile and voting for which fanfic you'd like to see next. The first chapter of all the choices are on my mediaminer accout (the link's on my profile). Sorry in advance because the paragraphs aren't spaced (I have no idea how to fix that v.v) but it's not that hard on the eyes.

So please check it out and mucho thanks!

Now then, some warnings.

**Warnings: COMEDY! And somewhat of a filler... but it leads into our next chapter, so that's okie dokie. And pretty muuuuch... yeah, enjoy. LMFAO.**

* * *

**Akatsuki Cosplay Café**

**Chapter Twenty-Two: It's On Like Donkey Kong!**

It was one of those rare moments in life when the Akatsuki members got to see the absolute serious side of their raven in command. His face would scrunch up as if he were being devoured of thoughts and fantasies of his victory. His eyebrows would knit together in a way Hidan could only describe as, "Fucking sexy". And his speech patterns, body language, and overall demeanor were that of a man on the mission.

All in all, Itachi was in the zone. And once he was in the zone, there was no getting him out of the zone. The zone was just that powerful.

"As you all know, that horrible excuse for a café down the street has issued a bet with us. If we win, they leave and we get our customers back." Itachi tapped his pencil mindlessly against his notebook of wonders, the gears turning madly in his head. "However, if they were to win – which they're not going to – we get arrested for our criminal actions."

"Oh, jail sounds sort of fun!" Deidara sent a seductive wink towards Sasori's way, "I heard jail sex in the group showers is amazing."

"Ew, that's absolutely disgusting, Deidara." Zetsu shook his head disapprovingly at how warped the blonde's mind could be. Honestly, it was like the only thing that was on his mind was the different ways he and Sasori could have sex. Which, in all honesty, was pretty much _exactly _what went through Deidara's mind but seriously, who's to judge?

"I don't know, Zetsu. It sounds pretty kinky to me." Kisame flashed a feral smile Zetsu's way and wrapped an arm around his shoulders, pulling him close to his body. "We should try it out sometimes. I know a guy who runs his own jail, we could totally get 'arrested' and fuck in the showers."

"Oh, hook us up too, Kisame!"

"Alright, we can even have a foursome if we feel up to it."

"Gentlemen," Itachi snapped, bringing the four's attention back on him where it belonged. He was all up for sexual talk _after _the meeting. But right now there was just too much at risk to get lost in dirty fantasies. Rubbing his temples soothingly, Itachi took deep and calming breaths before tackling the situation again, "We need ideas for our fundraising competition. It has to be something unique, drawing the customers in the minute their eyes land on us."

"Nothing mediocre or tasteless either," Hidan added in, his own pill of seriousness taking its affect. He wanted to win just as badly as his weasel-san did. It wasn't that he didn't find the idea of fucking in jail group showers enticing, but he was never the type of person that could pull off orange jumpsuits. Just looking at those obnoxiously bright clothing sent him into spasms of disgust.

Winning this competition meant that Itachi would be happy for a good three months and twenty days. And when Itachi was happy, Hidan was happy – in more ways then one. So basically, winning this was beneficial for all aspects important to the silver-haired bandito.

"Itachi, as much as winning sounds like a hell of a lot of fun to me, do you even have any ideas to get us started?" Naruto piped up from his spot on Sasuke's lap. The two were in their own world of cuddles and hidden smooches not too long ago until Itachi's authority snapped them out of it.

Itachi scoffed. He was highly insulted that Naruto would downgrade him as someone who wasn't properly prepared for anything. Just watch that unintentional insult show up on your next paycheck, Blondie.

"Of course I have some foundation to build off us." He flipped through his notebook of magical mysteries until he landed on the page titled: 'How I'm going to kick Orochimaru's Ass'. "Firstly, I'm having renovations done to the café's basement effective immediately. It will become a place where customers can try cosplaying for themselves, along with private shows with our workers."

Deidara cocked an eyebrow, raising his hand up in the air waiting to be called upon.

Itachi let out a labored sigh and raised his own eyebrow, "Yes, Deidara?"

"Umm… about the renovations to the basements…" he started out sheepishly; a wild blush started its rampage from the base of his neck to the top half of his cheeks.

Sasori smirked. He already knew where Deidara was going with this, and it was fucking entertaining to watch him stutter over his words.

"… Do I even want to know what the fuck you and Sasori did in there?"

"Well, we can get pretty detailed if you really wanted us to-"

"-No, no… I don't want any details, or pictures, or animated films of any of the shit you and Sasori did in the basement. It ends as of today," Itachi send them a glare challenging them to say anything against his commands. When all he was met with was an indifferent stare from Sasori and a goofy grin, the older raven sighed once more before continuing. "Alright, would anyone else like to shed some light on the things they do in the basement?"

No one had the balls to meet Itachi questioning gaze.

"Moving right along then," Itachi leaned back in his chair, taking the time to sort through his thoughts. The perfect strategy to win was so close within his grasp, but it still needed a few kinks to be sorted out until it was ready to curb stomp the competition. "We're still lacking Cosplay themes. I have come up with a few, but they won't be enough to suffice for the whole week."

"What exactly do you have so far?" Sasuke cocked an amused eyebrow his brother's way. Oh, this should definitely be interesting if these themes were coming from his older brother.

"So far we have six. A circus theme, a Wizard of Oz theme, an Aladdin theme, a Japanese tea ceremony theme, a Vampire theme, and finally a Gay Boy's Fairytale theme."

"Ew, can you _not _do the whole Vampire theme?" Naruto voiced his opinion with obvious disgust in the theme. In his opinion, vampires became overused an annoying after the fist Twilight movie. He'd seen enough vampire fanfics, teen novels, movies, and posters of modern day vampires to last him a life time.

"Do you have something against the creatures of the night that prey on innocent human's blood to quench their thirst?"

"Yeah, I do actually." Naruto deadpanned.

Alrighty then, way to be overly blunt, Blondie.

"Fine, then the vampire theme is out." Itachi made sure to scribble out the idea _extra _hard just to irritate the hell out of the blonde. He rather fancied the idea of sucking on people's necks to elicit both pleasure and pain to the recipient of the attack.

"Oh, oh, Tobi has an idea!" the swirly-faced man waved his hand in the air obnoxiously, waiting for his turn to be called on. Have you ever wondered why Tobi started to talk in the third person? Really you haven't? Hm, alrighty then, be that way.

"Go ahead, Tobi." Itachi waved his hand signaling Tobi to start.

"Two words: Super Heroes."

"Tobi, that's one word."

"Not if you space them out they're not!" Tobi harrumphed and pouted behind his mask. Although the move was ineffective since… well… there was a mask covering his face. No one would fucking see if he had a missing eye or horribly cracked lips.

Wait… maybe _that's _why Tobi wears a mask!

"Alright, fine, Super Heroes," Itachi made sure to break apart the whole word into two. If not only for the fact it would sedate Tobi enough to get the meeting moving straight along. Scribbling the name on the list, he casually asked if anyone else had something to contribute. They still needed about four or five more Cosplay ideas just incase one of them went down the crapper.

"Well, it's not much of a Cosplay theme, but more of a way to draw in customers." Pein patted Mr. Snuggles head a few times as he scratched his nose with his free hand nonchalantly.

"Go on…" now the older raven was highly intrigued. Pein was a competent employee who he got most of his ideas from in the first place. If he was now throwing out ways to gain costumers without using the ploy of hot men in spandex to draw them in – then he was all for it.

"We could have some form of entertainment be going on during the week of the competition." Pein smiled evilly as thoughts of stomping Juugo to the ground flashed through his mind, "We'll use the bet to our advantage. Like a promotional thing. For the whole week there could be carnival games, or some random band playing."

"That's a brilliant idea Pein, as always, but where exactly would we find the space to house a stage for a band? Or space for a carnival?"

"I've got that covered, Raven." Kisame flashes that cocky grin and twirled his own pen in-between his fingers, "You see I used to have this abandoned junk yard of used cars for purposes you guys don't really need to know about. But that's not the point here. The lots been cleared out over the years and it's practically empty now."

"I knew I hired you for a reason, Kisame." Eh, that was pretty much the best compliment Kisame was going to get so he merely shrugged it off and resumed playing with his Zetsu's hair.

"Okay, so we have the space. Now what about finding entertainment?"

And here's where Deidara popped into the sky, "Oi, Tachi! Sasori and I have that covered, un!"

"You guys can sing?" Do you hear the intrigue laced in Itachi's voice? Good, you should.

"Hell no, but we're pretty good at Rock Band, right Sasori?"

"Shouldn't be too difficult to master." Aww… you've gotta love that calm attitude Sasori has… it's very sexy.

"… Better than nothing, I suppose." And with that, Deidara and Sasori's names were added on to the list. "Tobi, I can count on you for supplying the food and refreshments?"

"Haaai, Tobi's got this covered!"

"Alright, then Hidan, it's your turn to be put on the spot." The older raven tossed a cool gaze over his shoulder to his partner in crime. Hidan's eyes were shining with the anticipation of getting a good role in all of this. Itachi's eyes were glazing over with how many ways he could give Hidan a good slap before licking at the wounds later on.

"Whatever you need, Weasel-san, I'm here for yah!"

"Good, then you can handle the games and activities. I want around thirty stands full of games ranging from that annoying dunk game that no one seems to win at all the way to a kissing booth. Can you handle that, Hidan?"

Hidan looked highly offended, but by what Itachi didn't know nor did he really care to find out. Like mentioned before, he could lap at wounds later. Now it was completely serious shit that needed to be sorted out.

"Of course I can handle it, Weasel-san!" Hidan rolled his eyes to the skies above before flashing Itachi a cocky grin, "Oh, but I'm going to need help manning some of the game stands."

"Which means we're going to have to hire help…" the older raven rubbing his throbbing temples. Hiring help meant that he would be losing money instead of gaining money. His employees didn't count because most of them were more into winning against their competition rather than getting money.

That's when an idea struck him over the head…

"Naruto, Sasuke," the blonde and raven perked up at their names being called. Although there was a sick feeling pooling up in their stomachs about what was to come next…

"… Yes…?" Sasuke asked almost warily. And really, who could blame him? That cunning gleam in his brother's eyes was enough to make any grown man who served in the military break down into a whimpering mess it was that scary.

"You two have friends, I presume?"

Naruto didn't know whether to feel offended or let the question slide.

"Um, yes Itachi, I have friends. Teme on the other hand doesn't talk enough to make even acquaintances!" the slap to the head he got from Sasuke was totally worth his input in the blonde's opinion.

Itachi snorted, but kept all comments to himself. He could rip on his otouto's social skills later. Very pleased with how well this side plan could go, Itachi shared a small smile to the world that came and went too quickly for anyone to notice.

"Excellent, so you won't mind hiring your friends to work in our carnival?"

"Itachi, obviously you don't understand our friends," Naruto shook his head sadly at the confused look he got from Itachi. "We're teenagers, in our prime, if we're going to be offering jobs, the first thing they'll want to know is how much they're going to get paid."

"Your point?" Itachi shrugged the matter of carelessly, "We'll pay them with Tobi's pastries. No one can resist free fattening sweets, right?"

"… That'll work." And the mattered was settled.

"Hn. So help is covered, entertainment is covered, theme is covered," Itachi crossed off everything on the list that they had taken care off. As he went down the list, one very important thing was still left unchecked.

"Gaara, Sai," the insomniac and the boy with the fake smile raised an eyebrow in response. This was the first time they've actually been mentioned for something in a while. To Gaara, he could really care less – it just meant more slacking off for him. To Sai though, he was pretty excited… although you couldn't see it behind that creepy fake smile of his.

"Hai, Itachi-san?" Sai replied as cool as a cucumber can be.

"There's still one more matter we need to have taken care of before this meeting is adjourned. You see… while we're handling our affairs, I have no doubt that Orochimaru will send over one of his workers as spies to scope us out and possibly even sabotage us." Itachi smirked when he saw that evil gleam flash in Gaara's eyes. He could tell that Gaara was connecting the dots perfectly, and was possibly even planning ways to fuck up Orochimaru as they speak.

"So you want Sai and I to take care of them so nothing disrupts the flow of business?" Yep, Gaara was definitely connecting the dots to perfection.

"That is correct."

"Then leave it to us," Gaara replied calmly and allowed his head to rest in the palm of his hand. As far as he was concerned his part was needed more in this meeting, so he decided to spent however many minutes left to zone out and plan his violent rampage.

Oh what fun this should be…

Checking off the last crucial element to their victory plan, Itachi smirked as he whipped out his cell phone and started to punch in numbers. "Now that we have everything in order, I will be calling in to make orders among with any necessary arrangements to fuel our success." He casted a glance Naruto and Sasuke's way, his smile directed just for them. "You two, I want you to recruit as many of your friends as possible at school tomorrow. And don't beat around the bush either. If you have to kidnap them, then do it. But make sure you don't get caught. I'm not paying for your bail."

And with that, Itachi calmly stood up and left the room with his cell phone held tightly against his ear. Hidan followed closely after, mostly because he had a few more things to speak with Itachi about that you all would never know.

Naruto blinked a few times, not at all concerned with how risky Itachi was playing his cards. Sighing, he dropped his head on Sasuke's shoulders and linked their fingers together, "I think we should start preparing our jump suit sizes. I'm pretty sure I can work the color orange."

Sasuke smirked, although he was turned off on the thought of wearing such an obscenely color; he knew when Naruto's sense of humor was coming out to play. "I'll have to get mine custom made, I suppose. We'll also have to reserve our own private showers too."

"Kisame could totally hook us up on that!" Naruto grinned madly before bursting out into a fit of laughter.

It's always good to see today's youth so pumped to go to jail.

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**Next time on the Wonderful World of ACC: (Title hasn't come to me yet T^T) So, we finally get a little glimpse of Naruto and Sasuke's school life. They are forced to go around and harass their "friends" to work for them without getting paid... Let's see how well that works out for them.**

Till next time :D. and please, **Vote in my polll :o!**


	23. School can be Such a Pain Sometimes

**Akatsuki Cosplay Café**

**Chapter Twenty-Two: School's a Pain Sometimes**

It was a beautiful morning in the city of Tokyo. The birds were singing. The cars were beeping that annoying musical tune. And the idiotic blonde was being as difficult as he could possibly be with a certain raven...

"Teme, I don't want plain pancakes. I want chocolate chip!" Naruto whined, lazily moving his sorry excuse for a breakfast around with his fork.

Sasuke scowled, debating on whether or not he should use the frying pan in his hand to whack his blonde upside the head rather than flipping the next batch of pancakes. Instead he went with the least troublesome route and shot Naruto a death glare.

"These were the only pancakes I could find in your house on such short notice," he flipped the pancake again, enjoying the pleasant sound of frying batter sizzling on a greased pan. "So stop complaining and eat, Dobe."

"Fine, asshole, but I won't enjoy it!" ignore Naruto, he was just acting like he had a bear trap clamped to his ass because mornings always made him cranky, especially the type of mornings where he actually had to do something productive in school. Growling more to himself then to Sasuke, he slowly dug into his breakfast, chewing the food as lethargically as possible just to get a rise out of Sasuke.

In reality though, he rather enjoyed the pancakes. His raven could be a very good cook when he wanted to be. That's when he stopped in mid-munch... He had just referred to Sasuke as "his", and for the first time he was consciously aware of it. When had he actually placed a claim on Sasuke without even noticing?

'Have I always been placing that claim and now I'm just noticing it for the first time?' this thought made him stop in mid-bite. At first he had just liked the raven, but could never tell if it was a brotherly sense or the word or more. Then they had started dating, and he found it way too early to call what they had 'Love'. And now here they are, four months into their relationship, taking the slow route, and doing things he guessed a normal couple would do.

So why did it feel so weird to him?

"Earth to Naruto, is anyone in that empty head of yours?"

"Huh?"

Sasuke shook his head, eyeing the piece of pancake that fell from Naruto's gaping fish mouth. He knew the blonde could be the definition of absent-minded sometimes, but this was getting sort of ridiculous. What could be on Naruto's mind to make him space out like that?

"Dobe, don't talk with your mouth open." He grabbed Naruto's open jaw and forcibly snapped it shut, ignoring the growl of annoyance Naruto sent his way. He easily shot the growl down with a simple death glare and turned back to making his own breakfast. With two pancakes nicely stacked on the plate, slightly covered with sticky syrup, and topped with a slab of butter, Sasuke took his seat across from Naruto and started to dig into his breakfast.

"What were you thinking about?" Sasuke asked after swallowing a decent amount of pancakes down his throat. He cocked an eyebrow at the blush Naruto gave him in response. Was his mind consumed with perverted thoughts that he was just too embarrassed to say? Sasuke highly doubted it, but he kept that option tucked away for later.

Naruto blinked, trying to rack his brain around a possible answer that wouldn't make him seem like a complete idiot – which was much harder to do than he realized. Sighing, finally coming to terms that he might as well just spit out what was on his mind; he dropped his fork – the utensil clanking onto the empty plate – and stared the raven right in the eyes.

Silent communication passed between the two. Blue eyes spoke of uncertainty and nerves that were still sparking up from nervousness. Onyx eyes quickly retorted with silent words of encouragement and reassurance. Whatever the blonde wanted to say, Sasuke would want to hear no matter how silly Naruto thought he was being. Somehow, knowing that he had Sasuke's full attention made his words flow out a little bit easier.

"Sasuke… do you love me?"

A booming silence followed afterwards. The raven stopped in mid-bite, fork brought up to his mouth ready to chomp into his breakfast. Naruto's question… it wasn't supposed to slap him as hard across the face as it did. Wasn't it obvious how he felt towards the blonde? It definitely was more than your everyday 'like', but was it enough to label it something as deep and passionate as 'Love'?

Placing his fork on the plate, he pushed the pancakes away and grabbed Naruto's hand. Their fingers intertwined as that tangible bond started to form between them. Sasuke refused to gnaw on his bottom lip out of nervous habit – he didn't get nervous habits, damn it! What in the world was so difficult about saying three words to his boyfriend? All he had to do was say, 'Yes, Naruto, I do love you' yet the words just weren't forming.

They were trapped in his throat, afraid to move for fear of taking that extra plunge. The minute the words would escape his throat, the finally barrier in their relationship would finally be broken to tiny little pieces. With the barrier down, Sasuke's mind raced with possibilities that could be unlocked.

Would sex finally be an attainable thing for the two of them?

Naruto – the one in the relationship who didn't mind having nervous habits – chewed on his bottom lip till it turned raw, waiting for an answer. Was Sasuke having doubts about his feelings for him? Mind you, Naruto wasn't so sure if he would go as far as to say he was complete enamored by the raven, but he was getting there. He was just too scared to say anything about it… so decided he might as well get Sasuke to say it first to confirm his own feelings.

They were both too afraid to take the freaking plunge. What a bunch of chickens.

Sighing, Sasuke brought one of their intertwined hands to his lips and kissed it softly, allowing his lips to linger there for a little bit until pulling it back. Their eyes met again, searching for those hidden words beneath the surface.

"I... I don't think I'd be able to answer that question for you right now, Naruto." The blonde's breath caught up in his throat. He wasn't expecting Sasuke to give him a straight answer – hell, he wasn't even expecting a good answer at all due to his slight paranoia, but he still felt the shock of how Sasuke decided to approach the question. "However, I do know that what I feel for you is more than just a simple like or random, sexual, teenage hormones. Whether it's Love, I can't say. But what I can say is that you're the one I've chosen, Naruto. I'm content with you – more than content, happy even – and I wouldn't change that for anything."

Naruto allowed the confession to seep into his mind, his heart, and his soul. Sasuke, the normally stoic, somewhat perverted, painfully blunt Uchiha was showing feelings – actually emotions! Even going so far to sport an adorable blush on his cheeks too! Naruto grinned ferociously and tackled Sasuke on the other side of the table. Their bodies collided and molded into one another as they both crashed onto the floor.

The blonde nuzzled his face into the crook of Sasuke's neck, enjoying the wonderful scent of cinnamon wafting through his nostrils. "I'm happy with your answer as it is, Sasuke. I don't really know if it's Love that I feel for you, or some really intense Like, but I know I want to be with you, and you make me feel like the happiest blonde in the world."

He giggled and cupped Sasuke's face so that he couldn't turn away. Blue clashed with onyx for mere seconds before their lips were magnetically pulled towards one another. The first kiss was tentative, shy almost. Neither of them wanted to ruin the fluffy moment they were granted with. As emotions flared, so did the kiss – but it was slow, deliberately pulling moans from both of their throats.

When they pulled apart, their hearts were thumping in their ears, and their eyes were hazed over with lust mixed in with feelings neither one of them could explain…

"Come on, Dobe, it's time to go to school."

Groaning, Naruto pushed himself off of Sasuke and stuck out his hand, pulling the raven up to his feet. They quickly put away their plates and rushed towards the living room, grabbing their bags and somehow managing to put on their shoes at the same time before bolting out the door.

"Damn it, I forgot my homework on my dresser!"

"You fucking idiot!"

+Akatsuki Cosplay Café+

"About fucking time you made it, Uzumaki!"

"Shut the fuck up, Inuzaka, you're way too fucking loud for a Friday morning!"

Yet Naruto was yelling just as loudly at his canine best friend. How in the world did that even begin to make sense? Ignoring Kiba's immature comments, Naruto threw his bag at his seat and plopped on top of his desk, his feet dangling in mid-air. Yeah, he didn't like school much, but he had some pretty amazing friends that made the school day endurable, so it was all good.

"So what's your excuse today, Naruto?" best friend number two, Shikamaru Nara smirked at his blonde best friend trying to send him his deadliest glare. It wasn't really working… "Does it have something to do with that boyfriend of yours Sasuke?"

"Or maybe it's something original like you got trapped in your bathroom with no way to escape." And here comes best friend number three, Ino Yamanaka, who was standing next to Shikamaru with her hands planted firmly on his hips and her long blonde hair tied into a cute braided ponytail flowing down her shoulder. Her smirk rivaled anything the Uchiha brother's could come up with. Whether Naruto found that really cool or down right scary shit was still to be decided.

"Guys, I'm pretty sure you're both wrong." And there's Sakura Haruno, best friend number four who makes an appearance once again. Today her hair was pulled into too pig tails that actually looked rather cute on her. Her green eyes were sparkling with mischief as she eyed the blonde up and down, a knowing smile happily plastered on her face. "You and Sasuke were fucking on the couch weren't you?"

Only in your fan girl deluded dreams, Sakura. But nice guess…

Naruto scowled at the four people he called best friends and scoffed. Why did they always have to make fun of him for their own bloody entertainment? Maybe it was because the blonde was such an easy target to tease…

"You're all way off! Teme and I were walking out of my house when I forgot that I left my homework on the dresser. Nothing perverted happened, nor criminal, nor anything highly embarrassing that you guys could use as blackmail." He sent a glare towards his friends who obviously weren't buying anything he was saying for a minute. "What? It's true!"

"That was the biggest load of bull I've ever heard you spew, Naruto." Sakura shook her head in shame at her blonde best friend and gave him a good smack to the head. "You know better than to lie to us."

"Especially when the lie it absolute shit," Kiba just had to add in his own two cents too.

"What do you take us for? Fools?" Oh look, Shikamaru has something to say too.

"I honestly feel offended that you think a horrible lie like that would sedate us, Naruto." And, as always, Ino has her own flair of dramatics to stir into the pot.

"God I hate you all…" Naruto folded his arms across his chest and turned his gaze out the window. Maybe the big puffy clouds floating by would somehow distract him long enough that the bell would ring and class would start soon. Sadly, the bell wouldn't ring for another ten minutes.

Ten minutes his friends could use to their advantage…

"Alright, enough about your sexual stuff involving Sasuke," Kiba waved the matter away with his hand, already bored with the topic. Snapping his fingers, he forcibly brought Naruto's attention away from the clouds and back at him. "Tell us how that new job of yours is doing?"

"You never really talk about it." Shikamaru sat in his desk, propping his chin in his hands and casting a bored glance Naruto's way. "There's not something you're hiding from us, is there?"

Naruto let out a nervous laugh. He just _now _remembered two very important things. The first one being that he had to recruit his friends for his job or else risk loosing his hindquarters to the wrath of Itachi. Secondly, he never even _mentioned _what type of job he had, for fear that his three other friends would mock him. Sakura knew, obviously, since she was the one to tell them about it in the first place. But the two had made her swore up and down her mother's flower bed – they couldn't really say grave since she wasn't dead – that she wouldn't tell a single soul about their job.

"Yeah, Naruto, it's not like you're some flaming prostitute living it up in the Red Light District, are you?" Ino waggled her eyebrows, cackling at the sight of Naruto's face turning bright red like a tomato.

Only five more minutes…

"Fuck you, Ino! It's nothing that bad…"

"Then why won't you tell us anything, Naruto?" Shikamaru's question sent all eight pairs of eyes directly towards the blonde.

Naruto fidgeted in his seat, twiddling his thumbs underneath his desk. It seemed like the jig was up. The window seemed like an appealing way to escape from the truth, but either way there truly was no escape if he thought about it. When he went to work today without his friends as hired help, Itachi would murder him.

Sighing, he really hated his life sometimes, Naruto admitted defeat.

"Well… It's a long ass story."

+Akatsuki Cosplay Café+

The blonde snuggled into the raven's warm chest, enjoying the surge of emotions that wrapped around him like a blanket. After a stressful first half of the day, Naruto wanted nothing more than to drag Sasuke out of the cafeteria and too a secluded area where the two could be alone. With Sasuke, he felt a satisfying calm wash over his being. He didn't have to worry about what he said or how he acted – he could just be himself.

"Had a rough day?" nimble fingers danced along golden, spiky tresses, massaging the scalp in hopes that it would ease the blonde's tension if only by a little.

"Like you wouldn't fucking believe." Naruto sighed against the soothing sensation of Sasuke's fingers in his hair. They made him instantly forget what was to come after Lunch was over.

"I'm guessing you told them about what Itachi said?" at Naruto's solemn nod, Sasuke released a sigh and leaned his head back against the tree. Naruto's friends were his friends, in a sense, but he wasn't as close to them as the blonde was, minus the exception of Sakura. So Sasuke guessed that when Naruto let the cat out of the bag, the reaction wasn't all too good based on how depressed he was acting.

"That was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. Once I told them…" Naruto shivered at the memories. He had a clear-cut image of Kiba's snide and mocking face that reminded him just like the Cheshire Cat. "Dude… it was not pretty…"

"Sakura took it okay, right? Did the others respond badly?"

"Depends on your definition of the word 'badly'…"

Sasuke cocked an eyebrow. "Elaboration…?"

"_Well_…" Naruto drawled, recounting everyone of his friends' reaction once the news hit home. "Kiba was the first to react – as usual – he pretty much fell to the floor, clutching his stomach and pretty much on the verge of death because he was laughing so much. After that it was pretty much like a domino affect. Shikamaru chuckled and said he never thought I would turn to the 'dark side'. Ino's eyes started to sparkle and she started to go on and on about the colorful dresses she could finally force on me. And Sakura well… she sort of just stood back and smirked like she had something devious going on in her mind."

The raven scoffed, "Knowing her, she's probably already plotted your devise and how to televise it by now."

"Are you enjoying this, Sasuke? You don't know them like I do. They could pretty much _kill_ me with embarrassment now that they know where I work! Even more so now that I have to do stuff for _them _in order to get them to work for Itachi!" the blonde groaned and buried his face as far as it could go into Sasuke's chest. "Why is it always me that gets put through this shit?"

"Dobe…" Sasuke muttered softly, rubbing soothing circles on the blonde's back. "It's because you're the easiest target out of all of us."

"You don't have to deadpan!"

"Oh, Naruto~!" the blonde flinched at those vile, sing-song words that floated through his ears. He recognized those sing-song words that were horribly pitched and tried to run away as fast as he could. He thought he had more time! He thought he could have avoided his doom altogether.

Wishful thinking, Blondie… But your fate has been sealed.

"Sasuke, quick, pretend I was never here!" Naruto quickly dashed behind the tree, poking only half his face out from behind it. "If Kiba asks, tell him I went to Hokkaido to reconnect with my roots."

The raven merely shot the blonde a 'Is that really the best you can come up with?' look before turning his gaze back on the voice that was coming closer and closer to their spot. He instantly recognized the hyperactive brunette running towards them and debated over the fact if he should rat out Naruto or not.

On the plus side, if he let Naruto slide he'd probably get some love-filled reward in return. On the horribly negative side, his brother had specifically told them to bring in friends as workers. If he went against his brother's wishes to please his blonde…

Sasuke shuddered. He truly was caught in-between a rock and a hard place.

Sighing, he decided to choose a middle ground. Allowing Kiba to discover the blonde himself, yet somehow act heroic enough that he'd get some reward in return. How the hell that was ever going to work out was beyond the raven's comprehension.

"Yo Sasuke, have you seen Naruto anywhere?"

Sasuke shrugged, shifting through his things in an attempt to pack off and walk to class without giving too much away. "I haven't seen him."

"That's strange…" Kiba sighed, scratching the back of his head in thought as he scanned for his blonde best friend. If Naruto freaking ran out on his promise, he swore to God that he was going to kick the blonde's ass all the way to Antarctica and back. "Don't you guys normally eat lunch together? How could you have not seen him?"

The brunette's question gaze caused Sasuke to raise an eyebrow in response. Alright, so the dog-loving brunette was more observant than he had given him credit to be. That didn't necessarily mean that he was suddenly going to rat out Naruto anytime soon. Although with the crappy way said blonde was trying to be inconspicuous and sneak away could make even a blind man point him out.

"I've just haven't seen him." Sasuke left it at that. Nothing to elaborate on, nothing to regret in his mind, and that was just fine with him. Shrugging, he dropped his messenger bag on his shoulder and started to make his way back to the school. If only Inuzaka didn't stop in his path with his eyes trained directly on the creeping form of Naruto Uzumaki.

"Okay, first of all: I'm not as big of a dumbass as you and Naruto think I am. Secondly, Naruto I can fucking see you trying to do that ninja roll over there. Stop being a pansy and get your ass over here!"

Oh… busted…

"Haha… Hiyah, Kiba! Lovely weather we're having today, huh?"

Naruto received a smack to the head for that.

"Stop with the bullshit, Uzumaki!" Kiba scowled and just for the hell of it punched Naruto again. "You _promised _to help me out today after lunch. You're not going to go back on a _promise _you made to me, are you Naruto? After all, that _promise _you made to me was so I would agree to help you out in that girly café you work at." The brunette smirked, "Remember that _promise_?"

"I don't know, Kiba. My memories starting to get pretty fuzzy after being assaulted on the head _twice_, thank you very freaking much!" Naruto snapped right back. Sometimes he wondered why he had to go with the abusive type of best friend rather than the one that gave you gifts and loved you unconditionally.

Then he realized that having a best friend who practically worshipped you wasn't fun to pull pranks at all.

"You have too much lip for a guy who's about to be publically humiliated in front of the school's soccer team." Oh yes, Naruto, you did not just hear that wrong. The complete look of superiority plastered on Kiba's face wasn't a trick of the light either.

The blonde felt his whole world slip underneath his feet.

"Sasuke, do something!" Naruto helplessly gripped onto the front of his boyfriend's shirt. His blue eyes pleaded with those cold pair of onyx eyes for salvation. All he got sadly was a glare in response and a command to get off his shirt before he caused wrinkles to appear.

"If you made a promise, Dobe, then stick to it." The raven brushed off the imaginary wrinkles on his shirt, giving Naruto a bored expression in the process. "Come meet me in the parking lot once you're done fulfilling out your promises. Don't embarrass him too much, Kiba, or else I'll come find you and kick your ass." The bell chimed throughout the air signaling that Lunch was finally over and that it was time for students to return to their classes. "Well, I'm off then."

"Sasuke, you fucking traitor, come back here and save me dammit!"

Poor Naruto… Sasuke just left you to the hands of your maniacal best friend. This should turn out to be a rather… comical experience, indeed.

+Akatsuki Cosplay Café: Naruto Hates Soccer+

"I'm not doing it."

"You have no choice, idiot."

"But this is so embarrassing!"

"Do you want me to work for that perverted boss of yours or not?"

"Damn it all to hell…" Naruto grumbled, swallowing down all the pills of Pride that were trying to force their way back out his mouth. This was so freaking embarrassing! Out of all the things Kiba could have forced him to do, he had to have chosen _this_! Weren't they best friends? Homies till the day they died from some freak accident? Friends don't make other friends publically embarrass themselves in front of the school's soccer team just so they could get what they wanted!

"Oh don't be such a pansy." Kiba threw his arm around Naruto's shoulder and turned him towards the direction of the awaiting soccer team. "All you have to do is run out there and give a little cheer. What's so hard about that?"

"Is that a rhetorical question?"

"Do you even know what rhetorical means?"

"Of course I know what it means, asshole!" Naruto slapped the offending arm away and scowled at his so-called-smirking best friend. Screw this all to Switzerland and back! Naruto was ready to just walk off the freaking field and scrap up whatever dignity he had left. He didn't care anymore if Itachi was going to kill him in cold blood. He wasn't about to throw away his pride just to please his perverted, evil as the devil himself, boss.

Just as he was about to turn away and walk off the field, Naruto felt a pair of cold and empty eyes freeze his body to the spot.

'What was that…?' Naruto didn't even want to turn around. That gaze that had kept him trapped on the spot… It was all too familiar. Slowly, as his neck was forcibly being pulled that way, Naruto's eyes locked on the being who was gazing at him so intently.

It was Mr. Snuggles. The evil little bunny was just sitting on a bench not too far away. Staring at him as if he were waiting for the blonde to make that fatal move that would seal his fate forever; it was then that Naruto realized he had an insane fear for the stuffed bunny.

Swallowing a huge gulp of fear down, Naruto turned back towards the smirking Kiba, ready to take the embarrassment with wide and open arms.

"Let's just get this over with…"

+Akatsuki Cosplay Café: Poor Naruto+

"Alright… Yes, right there. And… we're good."

Naruto released a sigh that he didn't even know he was holding as the final brush stroke scarred the painting. At least Shikamaru was sane enough to not put him through anything excruciatingly painful as cheering in front of the soccer team. Sure, standing still for over thirty minutes in a Victorian outfit wasn't pleasing either, but Shikamaru had promised not to let the painting go viral, so that made it easier to tolerate.

"So we're done here?" Naruto asked, placing the large top hat back on the stool and ripping off his mustache at the same time. "FUCK!" alright, so maybe it wasn't the smartest move in the world to rip off the mustache in one single go.

Shikamaru chuckled, peering next to the easel just so he could see the pained expression on Naruto's face. He was certainly the nicer one in Naruto's group of friends. Sure, he had a lot of ways to use Naruto to convince him to work at the café, but in the way they were all too troublesome to execute. So he merely went along with a much simpler task for the blonde to be his model for his painting.

Besides, the painting was a project he had to turn in for tomorrow anyway. So it was like he just killed too birds with one stone.

"Yeah, you're done. It turned out pretty nicely too." And it had. The colors on the outfit really brought out the bright colors of Naruto's human features. Like his bright blue eyes, and spiky, golden hair. 'Thank God I didn't let him wear the orange tuxedo he was dead set on using…'

"Phew, thank God!" Naruto chucked off the rest of his clothes and quickly ran around the room, grabbing his pants, shirt, and shoes. Once he was fully dressed, he gave Shikamaru a slight hand wave and rushed out the door to his next best friend and person on his list.

Two down, and just two more to go.

+Akatsuki Cosplay Café+

"You're so adorable in that dress, Naruto!" Ino gushed. She couldn't take her hands off of Naruto he was just that irresistible. It was definitely the right choice to force Naruto into that cute little maid's dress as compensation for her working in Itachi's café.

Naruto grumbled. Was it something that he had said or done that made people think that he _wanted _to be dressed up in embarrassing girl outfits? If so, he would take it back in a heartbeat if it meant he'd never have to experience the itchy feeling of stockings rubbing up against his nether regions.

"How many more photos are you going to take, Ino?" Naruto whined. God those stockings were so freaking itchy!

"Oh quit your whining. I'm almost done." After about thirty more flashes from the camera, Ino could finally say she was finished with her impromptu photo shoot. She smiled as she went through the pictures saved on her camera. Naruto was really photogenic. The pictures turned out to be amazing! 'No wonder people take the time to go to Cosplay Café's…'

"Are you done _now_? I kind of have places to be and people to persuade here, Ino." You say that, yet you're already stripping out of the dress as you speak, Naruto.

"Yeah, yeah, you can leave. I'm done with you." Oh, Ino couldn't wait to make these photos viral!

"Ino, I swear to God if you post _any _of those pictures on Facebook I will run to Shikamaru and tell him you're complete in love with him!"

Ino cocked an eyebrow Naruto's way. Her eyes were giving him a look that clearly stated: "I'd like to see you try, Naruto".

"Don't give me that look, Ino! You don't know what I'll do." Naruto smirked devilishly. People didn't give him enough credit for his evil side. He could be highly devious when he wanted to be, and or when he was provoked.

"Fine, whatever, I won't post the pictures on Facebook." Ino conceded, mostly so Naruto would be calmed enough to leave without any yelling involved. 'Although he never said anything about MySpace…'

Ino… you are a truly devious child, you are. But seriously… who still uses MySpace?

+Akatsuki Cosplay Café+

Naruto jumped over student's bodies casually lying on the ground, over the occasional flower bed, and sometimes over a bench when he felt daring enough, racing towards his destination. Sakura was on the other side of the school, probably getting ready for Lacrosse practice at the moment. And Naruto only had a few minutes before practice actually started.

In those few minutes he'd have to allow himself to become completely whipped by Sakura. He couldn't say he was okay with having to do anything Sakura wanted.

"Sakuraaaa!" Naruto screamed.

"Naruto?" Sakura cocked her head to the side. She was in the middle of strapping her shin guards when she heard Naruto call for her across the field. Not even a few minutes later and Naruto was standing above her, panting and sweating from his run.

"Hurry up… Anything you want… Say it and I'll do it."

Sakura giggled, patting her shin guards to make sure they were secured on right, and stood up from her kneeling position. She had no doubt in her mind that the other three must have put Naruto through Hell and back just for a little favor.

'Seriously… those guys are way too sadistic for their own good.'

"Huh, what's so funny, Sakura?" Naruto raised an eyebrow. Wasn't she going to throw him some seemingly impossible task to complete to get her cooperation? 'Honestly I was expecting her to force me to play out a Yaoi scene with Sasuke…'

"It's nothing, Naruto. Look, you don't have to do anything for me. Working at the café will be fun. Besides, I'll get to see hot, gay men free of share." She shrugged like her answer made perfect sense. Which in some way, it really did. "So you're off the hook."

Naruto blinked. It was like someone had just walked up and slapped him across the face for no good reason. A smile broke out on his face when the realization hit in that Sakura wasn't going to force him to do anything just to please her. Grinning his head off like a mad man, Naruto grabbed Sakura by the shoulders and brought her into a bone crushing hug.

"Sakura you give a whole new meaning to the word 'amazing'!" Naruto's eyes beamed with joy as he looked down at his best friend. "If I wouldn't feel so awkward afterwards I would kiss yah!"

Sakura slammed her fist right into Naruto's left cheek, effectively shutting the blonde up from saying anything else stupid. "I get your point, Naruto. Now shut up and go find Sasuke. I'm sure when you kiss him; you won't be feeling awkward at all."

With a simple parting hug, Naruto ran out to the parking lot to find his raven.

+Akatsuki Cosplay Café: Purely Fluff+

"It's finally over, huh?" Sasuke looked over to the passenger seat where his blonde was finally able to relax after a long day at school. He had to admit, what Naruto had to go through was a little over the top, but he gave the blonde props for getting things done. Now neither of them would have to suffer Itachi's wrath for not completing their assignment.

"Thank the Lord," Naruto mumbled. He made himself comfortable in the seat and leaned his face against the cool window. His cheek went from hot, to cold, and instantly back to warm again. The strange sensation felt oddly comforting as the tendrils of slip started to crawl towards him. "I'm going to take a nap…" he yawned slowly, his eyelids fluttering to a close. "Wake me up when we get here, Teme."

Sasuke watched as his blonde instantaneously fell into the hands of sleep. A small smile tugged his lips, his hand coming up to cup Naruto's whiskered cheeks. His blonde was truly beautiful awake or asleep. But while he was sleeping, Naruto look so adorable and at peace that he couldn't resist leaning forward and pressing his lips against Naruto's.

"Nngh… Sasuke… buy me ramen…" Naruto mumbled in his sleep.

The raven chuckled. Even in his dreams all Naruto thought about was ramen. Shaking his head, Sasuke ran his fingers through Naruto's spiky locks one more time before whispering in his ears.

"Daisuki, Naruto. Sweet dreams…"

* * *

**Next time on ACC: Cosplay Wars II**

**Summary: Cosplay wars can bring out the weirdness in people. Let's just say that anything is to be expected.**

So, I need your help. You don't have to vote in my poll, but I would like to know which Naruto Fanfic you'd like me to post next. **Illusion & Roses, Resurfaced, SongBook, Kick/Start, A Painful Reality or Eclipse (Which is NOT a Twilight Spin-off or Vampire fic. It's a secret one that you won't find a first chapter too 8D). **So please tell me which one you'd like to see next. It'll help a bunch with deciding.

Don't forget to review! Till next time (:


	24. Cosplay Wars II

I've **finally** found someone who will draw fanart for my story :D. Thank you Musicgirl1796 for offering! I'll update you guys on any drawings she makes pertaining to this story.

**Warning: I put a crack in the wall once. I had to. Three weeks have passed since the last chapter. And this time I actually got the chapter number right v.v. Could be some spelling mistakes, I'm so tired anything could be fucked up. And a new-ish character appears!**

Enjoy(:

* * *

**Akatsuki Cosplay Café**

**Chapter Twenty-Four: Cosplay Wars II**

"So all I have to do is sit here and look hot, right?"

"Yeah, that's pretty much the gist of it." Naruto popped another piece of cotton candy in his mouth. He inwardly hummed as the fluffy cotton-like substance easily melted into his mouth, leaving a bubblegum aftertaste in its wake.

"Sweet and I'm getting paid for this too! Score!" Kiba pumped his fist in the air a couple of times, the gesture making his seat wobble slightly.

"Careful, Dog Boy we wouldn't want you having any accidents up there." Sasuke smirked; somewhat hoping that Kiba would move enough to fall in himself. That would rouse a couple of laughs and make his day more entertaining.

"Shut up, Sasuke! I'm staying dry the _whole _day." The brunette haughtily stuck his nose in the air. A blanket of arrogance was worn around his shoulders like a cape.

"Would you like to make a bet on that, Kiba-kun?" appearing out of thin air, Sai idly grabbed a fluff of Naruto's cotton candy and plopped it into his mouth. He didn't pay any attention to the glare of death he was getting from the blonde. Instead, he wore that fake smile of his and allowed his eyes to walk across the brunette's exposed, dark, chest.

Mmm…Yummy.

"Yeah, I'd like to see you stay dry the whole day, Kiba." Naruto smirked, "I bet you'll be dunked on the first throw."

"Bring it on, Uzumaki! I'll stay high and dry, just watch!"

"As much as I'd love to see the results of this stupid bet, Dobe and I need to get to our own booth." Sasuke linked his arm through Naruto's and clamed onto it tightly. The gesture seemed innocent enough to most eyes, but hidden underneath the surface was a small hint of possessiveness.

"Wait, at least let me finish my cotton candy, Teme!" Naruto did his best to try and stuff the rest of his cotton candy into his mouth without choking.

"No time, Itachi's going to kill us if we're not at our post." Without really saying much of a goodbye, Sasuke dragged Naruto away against his will to their booth. Leaving Kiba alone to suffer through Sai's lewd stares…

"So… any chance I'll get to see what's below the waist, too?"

Kiba shivered out of disgust and somewhat fear. This was going to be a _long _day.

+Akatsuki Cosplay Café+

"Tachi, give me one good reason why you placed me and Sasuke in the _kissing _booth out of all things!" Naruto groaned, dropping his face into the palm of his hands. For once he was actually looking forward to a Cosplay Café sponsored event. Mostly because he hoped Itachi wouldn't be sadistic and put him in charge of something embarrassing, or surrounding gender bending situations.

Of course, that wasn't the case this time.

"I thought it would be good practice for you too." Itachi replied casually, tapping the end of his pencil against his clipboard. And really, he was doing it with the intentions that he could push them in the right direction. The right direction was sex, of course.

"Practice for _what_? Are you insulting my kissing skills?"

"Of course not, I'm just saying you can refine them as all."

"I'm going to have to agree with Naruto on this, Aniki." Sasuke casually picked up the many leaflets that listed the different degrees of kissing and how much they were worth to see. It ranged from a dollar to ten depending on what it was. "Aren't kissing booths normally promoting the person in the booth to kiss whoever pays them?"

"Are you saying you want some stranger to kiss you?" Itachi popped an eyebrow, chuckling softly at the scowl he was getting from his little brother. "That's what I thought. You need to think like a business man, Otouto. What would fangirls and fanboys want to have more: The chance to kiss a handsome guy or the chance to see two handsome men kissing each other?" the older raven tapped the side of his head with his pencil, "Think outside the box a little."

Naruto merely shook his head in disbelief. Itachi could make the most complicated things seem sensible with just a few words. Sighing, Naruto threw all forms of retorts and comebacks out the window since he knew he wasn't going to win this battle anyway.

"We at least get to have breaks in-between to play some of the games and booths right?" the look of incredulity for asking such a question pierced Naruto's heart. He pointed an accusing finger at the older raven, ignoring how calmly Itachi stared at the appendage. "Don't you give me that fucking look, Itachi! You can't expect me to just sit here all day and kiss the teme without being able to goof off once in a while!"

Itachi scoffed, calmly moving Naruto's opposing finger out of his face. The blonde could be such the headache when he wished to be defiant. Cutting Naruto down with a simple glare, Itachi pinched the bridge of his nose and finally relented – to an extent.

"Fine, you can get your damn break. But I better hear that your performance was beyond excellent if you wish for me to be sympathetic."

"Yes! Thanks, Itachi!" brimming with happiness, Naruto was ready to face the mass of fans alike and even get a few kisses in-between with his raven. Smiling, he turned his happiness towards Sasuke, who shot it down with annoying foot tapping and a glare.

"What?"

"You made it sound like kissing me was a hassle."

Naruto had to strain to hear it, but there was a definite whine in Sasuke's voice. It was barely there, shadowed behind pride, but it was there. It was almost like Naruto had wounded Sasuke with his earlier comments. Naruto loved Sasuke's kisses, more than anything, but something in his gut was telling him it didn't feel right that people would be paying him to kiss Sasuke. Maybe he was just being overdramatic about things. Maybe it was alright to be getting paid for something you loved to do.

The blonde sighed; he could see the flash of hurt pride skim across the raven's eyes. Seriously, Sasuke could be such the child when he wanted to be. Smiling softly, Naruto wrapped his arms around Sasuke's waist. He buried his face into the back of the raven's neck and inhaled deeply, allowing his scent to travel through his air ways.

"Don't take it personally, Teme. I just feel like it's a little too commercial to be getting paid to kiss you."

Sasuke leaned back into the embrace, intertwining their fingers in a silent way of saying he got what Naruto was saying. "Dobe, it's not all that bad." He smirked, turning his face and cupping Naruto's cheek with his hand. "I get to blatantly show the world that you're mine and mine alone. So I don't really mind if I'm getting paid for it…"

Slowly, as if someone was tugging on a piece of string that connected their lips together, their heads titled to the side, their breaths intermingled in the tight space between them, and their lips connected in an opened mouth kiss. Sasuke poured his whole soul into Naruto's body, leaving the blonde breathless. He wriggled around, switching positions so that he was now fully pressed against Sasuke's chest with his arms wrapped securely around his neck.

The raven responded to the action, sliding his arms around Naruto's waist and pulling him as close as possibly. His teeth latched onto Naruto's bottom lip, sucking and nibbling, pulling and biting as he drew out moan after moan from the blonde's sinful lips. Naruto's tongue begged for the same treatment. It skimmed across Sasuke's top lip, prodding for entrance and the feel of the other tongue trapped inside the raven's mouth. Sasuke smirked into the kiss. Naruto was so cute when he silently begged for attention.

Sasuke's tongue slowly slinked out, testing the waters so to speak. It lightly teased Naruto's tongue in, promising things such as pleasure and a mind blowing kiss to follow if it fell into its trap. Naruto's tongue obeyed, allowing itself to be lured in by those sweet promises. Their tongues touched, causing electric sparks to flow through both their bodies. Both boys moaned from the contact.

Hands flew under shirts, massaging and scratching at skin they wanted to devour and claim as theirs. Their minds were completely fogged by the pleasure that was pumping through their veins like a powerful aphrodisiac.

"_Wow_, I'd definitely pay ten dollars to see _that_!"

"Shut up, Ino Pig, you're ruining the moment!"

Naruto groaned for what seemed like the millionth time today, breaking the kiss to drop his forehead against Sasuke's shoulder. Sasuke looked at the two squealing girls from the corner of his eye, giving them a glare that instantly shut them up and turned them sheepish.

"You guys know how to ruin a moment perfectly…" Naruto mumbled lamely. His face was still flushed, cheeks rosy red, his heart hammering loudly in his chest. He felt like his legs were floating in a bowl full of jelly right now from the kiss. If people paid for kisses like that all day, Naruto didn't think he'd have any legs anymore by the end of the day.

"Oh, don't mind us guys." Ino wave her hand at the matter, fishing for her camera to take a couple of shots. "Just act natural and pretend that neither Sakura or I are here." And just for the hell of it, Ino snapped a couple of shots of the flustered couple, snickering at the glares she was getting from both men.

"Don't give us that look. It's not like you haven't kissed in front of people before." Sakura gave them a sideways glance, waggling her eyebrows a little for emphasis. She busted out into a fit of giggles when neither boy willing stepped up to deny a thing. "I rest my case."

"Tch, don't you guys have better things to do _other _then annoy us?" Naruto shot right back. The sexual tension he was feeling wasn't making his irritability any better.

"Actually we _did _have a legit reason as to coming here. It's just that when we walked in we didn't expect to see… well… you having Sasuke's tongue down your throat." Ino shrugged, "So we got a little sidetracked."

Naruto face palmed. Completely bewildered on why woman could have the attention span of a fish when it came to gay relationships. "Well, are you going to tell us or not?"

"We're getting to that," Ino drawled, jumping up to sit on the counter of the booth. She reclined on the palm of her hands, idly playing with her ponytail as she waited things out. "That cute blonde guy with the long ponytail—"

"Deidara," Sasuke added in casually. By now the two had changed their position from their embrace to standing side by side, holding on tightly to the other's hand.

"Right, that guy," Ino nodded, "He wanted me to tell you that you guys are having a meeting or something around eight in the center of the fair grounds."

"Oh, thanks Ino." Wasn't it strange that Deidara couldn't have come up and asked them himself? Or even stranger, Itachi was _just _there yet felt the need to not tell them anything until the last minute – whether that was out of spite or pure sadism, neither raven nor blonde wanted to know. Naruto pulled out his cell phone and slide the lock across the touch screen. The time read seven forty-five. "Damn it, guys, you should have told us this earlier! We only have fifteen minutes to get there!"

"Now fourteen minutes," Sakura snickered as she walked the time change on Naruto's clock. "You might wanna hurry up, though. Deidara said if you guys are late he'd shove a stick of dynamite so far up your ass your brain will explode."

Naruto gulped, fully aware of the fact that Deidara probably would fulfill that threat. "Fine, we're going already! Come on, Teme." Grabbing Sasuke by the hand, Naruto dragged the raven off to the meeting place, mumbling swear words of every color under his breath.

Sakura let out a long sigh, a pleasing smile teased her lips as she watched her friends go. "Those two are so cute together."

"Mhhhm." Ino nodded, the same sort of smile tugged her own lips. To think those two would finally date after so many months of persuasion and annoyance. It was about damn time they got together. "So, do you think they've had sex yet?"

Sakura scoffed, "Oh please. If they did I would have smelt it on them the minute we walked in." she rolled her eyes, waved the matter away, and linked her arm through Ino's. "Now come on, we have funnel cakes to make."

+Akatsuki Cosplay Café+

It was way too early in the morning for this – in Shikamaru's opinion of course. The sun wasn't even up yet, taking its damn time to hide behind the clouds. If the sun didn't want to wake up, then why in the world should Shikamaru be up at such ungodly hours of the day to Cosplay?

"I'm not getting paid enough for this shit." He mumbled, threading his fingers behind his head and staring up at the clouds. They were big and puffy, white and fluffy, like a big marshmallow.

Shikamaru vaguely wondered if he could catch a few hours of sleep before he actually had to work today. Itachi had told everyone that the fair wouldn't officially start till ten. He could waste two, precious, hours on sleep and be somewhat ready for the rest of the day.

"A nap wouldn't hurt." He yawned, rolling on to his side. His booth was located near one of the more grassy areas of the grounds, so he was pretty content with having something soft to lie on rather than hard gravel. He shifted a few times, finding that right spot to be comfortable in before he felt the claws of sleep drag him in…

Shikamaru's eyes were slowly fluttering to a close… when he heard the sound of footsteps crunching upon newly cut grass. He held in the urge to groan loudly at whoever the hell was walking in on his nap time. Reluctantly, he cracked one eye open, staring at the cloaked person before him.

"Is this where the Akatsuki Cosplay Café is holding their fair?"

"You're a little too early for that." Shikamaru yawned again, feigning nonchalance. The feeling of suspicion was stabbing him in the gut right now, and he refused to let it go. He was never one who liked to judge quickly, he waited to analyze the person before making any necessary conclusions though. This man, dressed in all black, though was the exception to that.

The man chuckled slightly, his blonde hair flowing slightly in the breeze. "I suppose I am." He adjusted the brim of his hat so it covered his eyes but left his smirk visible.

"Is there something that you wanted? Or can I go back to sleep?"

"You're a surprisingly blunt man."

"So I've been told…" Shikamaru was already getting bored with this conversation. This man didn't seem to be letting anything worthwhile out, so why should he bother to do the same? They were probably going to stand on middle ground with the rest of their conversation if things ended this way.

"Children… They never learn how to be respectful to their elders." The man clicked his teeth in slight annoyance, "You're just like that boy; always painfully blunt."

Shikamaru – now with his eyes closed – was getting pretty annoyed too. This man had barged in on his nap time and found it necessary to strike actual conversation with him. He held back _another _urge to snap at the man and tell him to leave him the fuck alone. Sadly, Shikamaru was grown up to be a gentleman – sort of – and tried to be civil in any situation.

"Parents are partially to blame for their kid's behavior, right." It wasn't a question, it was a statement; one that made the blonde man chuckle.

"You're a strange one."

"So I've been told." And that was that. Their meaningless conversation was over. Shikamaru had drifted off to sleep, and the mysterious blonde man was wondering where he could find a certain blonde teenager…

+Akatsuki Cosplay Café+

"I'm not going out there!"

"Like hell you're not, Blondie! We didn't have rehearsals four hours before the performance just so you could chicken out." Hidan glared at the blonde dressed in tight fitting shorts completed with a studded belt and a light blue, short sleeve shirt. The outfit was going to be a hit, just like Itachi predicted, but Naruto was being such a bitch about going on stage it was infuriating the hell out of Hidan.

"Why is it always _me_ who has to dress up like a girl or wear skimpy outfits?" Naruto scowled, trying to adjust his pants so they didn't hug so close to his manhood. They were so damn uncomfortable! But no, everyone else got to wear pants, while he was stuck suffering in leather shorts.

"We can stand here all day and argue about this, _or _you can get your ass on stage, wriggle it around a couple of times and get it over with without complaining like a little bitch."

"How about we go with option C? I get out of these ridiculous clothes, change, and then go home with my boyfriend and enjoy the last day of the weekend before school starts." Naruto flashed Hidan his cheekiest smile, enjoying how angered the older man was getting, "Does that sound like a good plan? Because I like it a lot."

"You little son of a–"

"Ignore him, Hidan." Itachi placed a comforting hand on his boyfriend's shoulder, slightly massaging the area with his fingers. He sent a glare Naruto's way that could cut an iceberg in half. "Naruto, I admit some of the attire we put you in is a little exaggerated—"

"Thank you!" the blonde folded his arms across his chest, content that Itachi was finally seeing things his way.

"—But because we put you in those clothes for the satisfaction of the customers, I'm sorry to say that you'll have to build a bridge and get over it if you don't want to see you lose a couple of zeroes off your paycheck."

Naruto cringed slightly. Of course Itachi had to go for the knees – the knees being Naruto's paycheck of course. He sighed, swallowed down the last bit of his pride, and stalked off to find Sasuke for a good, three minute venting before he had to go on stage.

Sasuke saw his blonde approaching, in all his leather clad glory, and couldn't help but let his eyes walk along Naruto's body. The shorts really weren't that short, surprisingly, and came up a couple of inches above the knee. It was supposed to be long enough so Naruto wouldn't complain about wearing it – that worked out perfectly – but short enough so the fans could see equal amounts of leg.

The raven licked his lips, eyes running over the form fitting shirt all the way up to Naruto's face that was decorated for the performance. Swirls were drawn at the outer edge of Naruto's tear duct. Black eye shadow framed his eyes to bring out those sparkling blue jewels. There wasn't much make-up, but to Sasuke, Naruto looked absolutely stunning.

**A Crack!**

Fallen: I bet if Naruto was wearing nothing, you'd still find him attractive. –lewd glance-

Sasuke: Are you trying to call me a pervert?

Fallen: Maybe I am Sasuke…

Sasuke: You know, you can't just use me as an excuse to break the fourth wall.

Fallen: Like hell I can't! Go back to your ogling.

**I Had to Fix It.**

"I like the look." Sasuke nodded approvingly, although he didn't miss the sideways glance Naruto shot him before he stalked off to grab a water bottle. "I mean it, Dobe. You look beautiful."

Naruto guzzled down his water, trying to guzzle down his blush as well. Of course Sasuke was only saying that because he was dressed like some hooker. He didn't actually mean it… did he? He guzzled down some more water, hoping it would wash out all the nervous butterflies that were flying around in his stomach. He really didn't want to go onstage. Let alone sing in front of anyone. He'd never singing for anyone publically one day in his life! It wasn't like he was magically going to gain the power to sing like a pop star.

No, he was going to crash and burn like a golf cart swerving out of control.

"Shut up, Teme. I don't need your empty compliments." The blonde threw out the bottle, heading for the fridge in search of something more satisfying. He was positive he told them to stack the fridge with ramen earlier…

Arms wrapped around his waist, pulling him from out of the fridge and into Sasuke's chest. The raven shut up any and all protests by pressing his lips against Naruto's in a sweet and chaste kiss. Naruto could feel his heart hammering in his chest, ready to burst through his rib cage. It was like this every time they kissed, yet he could never get used to the feeling of his senses crackling alive like fire sparklers, and his mind going blank with nothing but Sasuke filling in the space.

All the nervousness and stubbornness he felt earlier was slowly being pushed out, being replaced with a comforting calm and stillness that only Sasuke could give him. Once they parted, Naruto released a happy sigh and rested his forehead against Sasuke's; their noses brushed together.

"Are you feeling better now?"

Naruto scowled, but there was no malice in it at all. It was a pretty weak gesture, to be honest. Sighing once more, his scowl transformed into a soft smile surrounded by rosy cheeks. "Yeah, I'm better now. You know exactly what to do to calm me down, huh?"

"I suppose it's a gift of mine." Sasuke smirked, kissing Naruto's nose out of playfulness.

"God, you two are so sickeningly sweet it makes my stomach want to jump out of my throat." Of course Kiba has to walk in, towel wrapped securely around his neck while he rubbed the water out of his hair. The brunette was less than happy with how today had turned out. What he thought would be a dry and easy day turned out to be quite the opposite. Forty-eight out of fifty-two throws had been a success. He was shaking from head to toe, and felt the warning signs of a cold coming on as he sneezed, rather loudly, for the thirteenth time today.

"Got dunked, Inuzaka?"

"Get the fuck out, Uzumaki!" Kiba shot back. Although the threat fell on death ears since his sneeze was a lot louder and more forceful.

"I'll be expecting my ten bucks paid in full by Monday morning." Naruto grinned devilishly, "I don't care if you have to come in while you're suffering from pneumonia, I want my money!"

Kiba scoffed, turned on his heel, and went off to find Shikamaru. There was no way in hell he was going to pay Naruto for a crappy bet like that. His pride wouldn't allow it.

"Alright, enough of your PDA, it's time to get this concert on the move." Itachi walked in with Hidan right on his heels, handset placed snuggly on his head and clipboard held firmly in his arms. He stopped to gather all his workers in place; the original members would be the band and the four students would be stage crew. "Let's run over the positions one more time. Naruto's the lead singer, Sasuke's back up. Sasori and Deidara will be our lead guitarists. Pein's our lead guitarist. Tobi's on keyboard. Kisame's on drums. And Zetsu's on lights. Sai and Gaara, you'll be switching in and out with Sasori and Deidara. I'm expecting a kick ass performance today. We are going to win this bet hands down."

"I still don't see why I'm the lead singer…" Naruto mumbled darkly, laying his head on Sasuke's shoulder.

"There's no use whining about it now, Naru. Let's just suck it up and get it over with." That was Sasuke's form of a pep talk and for some strange reason it didn't work at all.

"But I have a strange feeling that something bad is going to happen!"

Shikamaru's ears picked up on the blonde's cry from his spot behind the curtain. There it goes again, that strange gut turning feeling had reappeared and the image of the cloaked man flashed through his mind. He shook his head thoroughly, telling himself that he had nothing to worry about.

"Troublesome..." he muttered, and went back to fixing the curtains.

+Akatsuki Cosplay Café+

"Thank you everybody! You're a great crowd!" Naruto bowed once more to the cheering audience, the adrenaline was pumping double time through his veins. He didn't care that his clothes were caked onto his body due to the sweat from all his dancing. He didn't care that his voice was raw and scratchy from singing. And he didn't care that his shorts were rubbing up on him awkwardly.

All that mattered was the cheers and applauses he was getting.

"Live it up while you still can, you Panties! Akatsuki Cosplay Café will probably never do this again!" Deidara screamed into the microphone, "But it was one hell of a time anyways!"

"Deidara, we're trying to get people like us, not turn the other cheek." Sasori scolded, lightly bopping the blonde on the head.

"I don't know… I sort of liked it." Pein shrugged nonchalantly. He wondered if Mr. Snuggles enjoyed the performance as much as the audience did. He made a mental note to ask him that later.

"This banter is absolutely horrible…" Sasuke muttered, but he too was feeling the buzz from a good performance. He wasn't going to lie; there were better singers out there than Naruto. But Itachi had made the smart move and picked a song that Naruto would be able to sing with no hassle. So to the rest of the audience it seemed like the blonde had a voice of an angel, when in reality it was pure luck.

"Hey, we just say 'em, Itachi's the one who writes them." Kisame sneered, twirling the drumsticks in his hands.

"The crowd is eating it up. So who are we to complain, really?" Zetsu asked calmly, placing his guitar against the amp.

Naruto laughed. He was feeling so giddy he didn't care about the lame conversations being thrown back and forth to rile up the crowd. Right now he was on cloud nine and nothing could throw him off. Walking towards the front of the stage, Naruto was just about to bow to the crowd when he heard the faint sound of a rope snapping in his ears…

Everything that happened next zoomed by like a subway train. It was too fast to keep track off. One minute, Naruto was just standing there, being the adrenaline junkie he was, and the next he was on the floor clutching his leg in pain.

"Fuck!" he hissed as another round of agony shot through his leg.

Sasuke was quickly by his side, scooping his blonde up in his arms and trying to inspect his legs. "What the hell happened…? Aniki!" he screamed out for his brother, who was instantly at his side with a concerned expression on his face.

"What happened?"

"That's what I want to know!" Sasuke snapped. Every groan of pain Naruto made sent another knife lodged in his heart. How in the world could this have happened so fast? How in the world could a freaking light land at the _same _time Naruto was making his way towards the stage? 'I swear if this is Orochimaru's doing I'm going to skin that bastard alive.'

"We triple checked security and the stage before we gave the okay." Itachi frowned. He hated making mistakes, especially ones that injured his workers. He wasn't going to admit that the mistake was his fault, of course, but he was going to start taking matters into his own hands and fix the situation.

"Fuck, Blondie, your leg is totally screwed."

"Shut the fuck up, Hidan – Ah, fuck!" Naruto forced his eyes shot at the stabbing pain erupting from his leg. The agony was becoming too much to bear. He just wanted to pass out and go numb – at least then the pain would simple disappear, or at the most become nonexistent. He leaned into Sasuke's embrace, weakly clutching onto Sasuke's shirt. "Sasuke… it hurts…"

Sasuke swallowed past the lump in his throat. Naruto's eyes shone with tears that he refused to let loose. Nimble fingers found their way into Naruto's spiky locks while sweet, soothing words were whispered into the blonde's ears. "It's going to be okay, Naruto. I'm right here. Don't pass out on me, alright? Can you try to stay awake?" at Naruto's weak head nod, Sasuke whipped his attention back on his brother. "Aniki—"

"I'm already on it, Otouto." Itachi had his phone pressed against his ear; making calls and demands that the ambulance hurry up as quickly as possible.

In the midst of the confused and worried crowd, the cloaked man flashed a wry smile at his partner who had recently showed up. The two had equal, evil, grins on their faces although one was more strained than the other.

"You had to go with the most painful way possible, didn't you?"

The man with the fiery red hair pinned in a pony tail shrugged, "Eh, you said I could do whatever the hell I wanted to get the kit, so I did."

"But it was meant to hit the raven, not Kit!"

"Shit happens," and there goes that shrug again.

The blonde-haired man sighed in annoyance, rubbing his temples soothingly. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see his accomplice tinkering around with a knife. It glittered in the sunlight, giving the dangerous weapon an almost beautiful aura.

"It always surprises me how much you lack compassion." He shook his head, jamming his hands in his pockets, trying to avoid the sight of the blonde in pain on stage. "Now that part one is out of the way, part two can finally be put into action. Come on, our work here is done, Kyuubi."

Kyuubi smirked, following his brother into the belly of the crowd, "Whatever yah say, Minato."

* * *

Minato you evil son of a bitch you! I've never saw it coming... hehe :o. Anywho, I finally came to terms with what new Naruto fanfic I'll be putting up next. But you won't be getting it until I have the first five chapters written up. It's a surprise with what's being released, but here's a hint... It's none of the choices that are on my poll 8D. This fanfic randomly popped in my head, and before I knew it, I totally became engrossed with it. But no worries, I shall not forget ACC.

Speaking of ACC.

**Next time On ACC: Meeting Minato.**

**Summary: It's a stormy day in terms of emotions as Naruto's father steps in. Let's just say... things get messy o.o.**

Till next time. Bed is calling me and I would be rude not to answer it (: Review please! :3.


	25. Meeting Minato

Uberrrrllly short guys, but you'll love it 8D. Minato finally gets involved yo! Also, just so I can rant. Yesterday I had a near death experience. And by that I mean a virus came on my computer from mangafox (damn it D: ) while I was writing chapter 27 for this fanfic. Like the dumbass I am, I forgot to SAVE my work before turning my computer off and using system restore. Hoping and praying that it would auto-save and I could continue my work...

Yeah... that didn't really happen the way I wanted it too :/. On the bright side, the virus is gone ^^.

**Warning: Minato may be a little OOC but there's a reason for that. I don't crack the wall, haha. Aaaand, well, I can't remember what else happens, so be prepared to enter the belly of the beast!**

Read and Enjoy (: . I'll be picking up my habit of replying to reviews. And I'll be updating this story every Thursday afternoon/evening, hopefully. If not Thursday than Friday afternoon.

* * *

**Akatsuki Cosplay Café**

**Chapter Twenty-Five: Meeting Minato**

Naruto threw yet another magazine to the ground in a huff. Two weeks after the light accident and he was _still _chained to the bed like a helpless little child. His leg felt fine – somewhat – and he was ready to go back out and enter the real world. Not this fake one where everything was sterile, white, and orderly.

"Damn it, where's Sasuke?" Picking up the remote on the bedside table, Naruto flipped through the stations, madly pressing at the channel up button until he found something he liked. Actually, the whole channel surfing process entertained the blonde so much that he started to come up with a game of sorts. He'd start from channel one, and choose his destination channel one where he wanted to land. Then, Naruto would rapidly press the channel up button, followed by the channel down button, a couple of times until he was satisfied.

"Ah ha! Yes! I landed right on channel 69!"

"Is this what you do to entertain yourself while I'm not around?" Naruto whipped his head around at the welcoming, though highly annoying, voice near his door. There was his raven, dressed in a pair of black skinny jeans and a long-sleeve white shirt, leaning against the door frame with his hand behind his back. "I thought I would be walking in on something more… entertaining."

"In your sick and perverted dreams, Teme," Naruto stuck out his tongue childish, patting down the space beside him indicating that he wanted Sasuke to sit next to him. When said raven made no signs of moving, Naruto frowned. "What? Do I have to spell it out for you? Get your ass over here!"

"But your leg—"

"Is just fine, Teme!" Naruto cut the raven off. He didn't want to hear the obvious being thrown out of Sasuke's mouth. Yes, his leg was currently suspended after the surgery. No, he didn't want it to come in-between his snuggle time with Sasuke. "Now are you gonna come over here and give me whatever the hell is behind your back or do I have to come over there and drag you myself?"

"No, that won't be necessary, Dobe." Sasuke couldn't help chuckling at how enthusiastic Naruto could be despite being trapped in such a boring place. He wasn't much of a fan of hospitals either, but he'd find some way to distract himself. The boredom wouldn't go so far as to official make channel surfing a sport or game, but he'd certainly do something.

Closing the distance between them, Sasuke happily took his place beside Naruto. He smiled. The sort of smile that spoke words of love, happiness, compassion, and so much more with only a simple twitch of the lips. It was the smile only Naruto was gifted to see, because the smile was for Naruto alone. Their lips met in a kiss that left the two breathless. Simple and sweet, allowing their lips to linger on the other's before reluctantly separating.

"So can I get my gift now?"

"Sometimes I wonder if you're really seventeen and not actually seven." The raven scoffed at how childish Naruto could be sometimes. They had just shared an intimate moment and Naruto was more concerned about his _gift _rather than the _moment_.

"It's called: 'Living life'. Ever heard of it, Teme?"

"Do you want me to give you your gift or not, Dobe?"

"Gimmie the gift!"

"Baka…" Sasuke handed over the colorful array of flowers and placed it in Naruto's hands. He had remembered a few days before about the blonde's love for nature and gardening. Low and behold, now Naruto was staring wide-eyed at the sky blue flowers and bright pink rose buds.

"Sasuke… they're beautiful." Their beauty took Naruto's breath away, almost forgetting that his body operated on oxygen if it wished to function. He took a couple of breaths, only to have them lost again when he saw Sasuke's face tinted with specks of pink. It wasn't everyday that Sasuke went out of his way to do something for the blonde. Cooking breakfast and sleeping over was a rarity, but never had he done something like buying an actual gift.

Naruto's heart hammered against his chest as he leaned in to peck Sasuke on the cheek. His smile was as goofy as all get out watching Sasuke's cheeks turn pink to red in a few seconds.

"I've never noticed how cute you are when you're all flustered." The blonde giggled the slight pain he received every now and then from his leg was numbed by all the fluffiness. "You should blush more often."

"I'd rather not." Sasuke replied curtly. "Make sure to keep those flowers alive. I don't want to come back tomorrow and see half of them brown and wilting."

Naruto pouted, punching Sasuke in the arm out of feigned anger. "I'm insulted! I have two green thumbs, Teme. I'll definitely take care of these flowers… since they're from you after all."

Damn it. Why in the world did Naruto have to go around saying cute things like that? It made Sasuke's resolve and stoic-like attitude melt away from all the heat. Sighing, Sasuke finally came to terms that Naruto's random acts of cuteness would most likely be the death of him and grabbed the blonde by the shirt collar.

"You say some cute things when the time's right, Naru." Sasuke smirked, pressing his lips firmly against Naruto's; effectively shutting out any retorts the blonde was prepared to throw at them. The first few touches were light, playful and impish. Soon, tongues came out to dance sensually against one another, dragging out low moans from both boys.

Naruto lamely tried to move the flowers out of the way for fear they'd get crushed in their passion. Shaking fingers gripped onto the soft fabric, diving underneath the shirt to stroke and tease the soft skin. Strong arms wrapped themselves around a lithe waist, dipping below to tease and tickle above the butt cheek, but never actually grabbing it.

Need for air was slowly becoming apparent to the two, and sadly, they had to drift apart from their kiss. Both shared faces etched with lust, love, and passion. Cheeks were stained with rosy red blushes. And eyes were hazed over with thoughts of sexual desires the two kept under lock and key because they were too scared to take the plunge.

The blonde sighed, feeling all his sexual tension drift out with one single breath. He was happy with their relationship, seriously. All he wanted to know was when they'd finally have sex! Sex isn't the major part of a relationship, Naruto knew that, but sex could also bring them together on an even greater emotional scale then where they already were. Naruto wanted to be in that place of pure bliss; when their bodies were connected, legs and arms were tangled together, and their lips were caught in one, final, kiss before the two drifted off to sleep after a festive romp.

Sasuke rested his head on top of Naruto's, threading their fingers together to form that invisible yet tangible chain that always brought a wave of comfort through him. Getting lost in the fresh scent that was Naruto's hair – was that strawberry? The next few words escaped his lips before his brain caught up to what was happening.

"Naru, remembered when you asked me if I loved you a while back?"

Naruto nodded. His heartbeat was started to pick up again in sweet anticipation. Was this the leap they had been waiting for? Would they finally be able to get those three, wonderful, words out into the open for them to hear?

"Yeah… I remember."

"I've been thinking about it, long and hard. And I think I've finally come up with an answer." He exhaled a deep breath, pushing Naruto back by arm's length so he could get himself lost in those bright, blue irises. A variety of emotions were dancing in Naruto's eyes; anxiety and anticipation with bits of excitement dashed in-between. Sasuke wanted what he was about to say to be right. No stuttering, no hesitation. He wanted to force the love he felt for Naruto out, breaking down that final barrier that was restricting their big step into the next part of their relationship.

Today was the day he'd finally get his true feelings across.

"Naruto… I—"

"I'm sorry, Uzumaki-san, but you have a visitor who refuses to leave without seeing you."

Oh damn it all to Hell and back. Worst, luck, ever!

Naruto groaned into Sasuke's shoulder, holding back the urge to snap at the nurse. She was just doing her job, he couldn't yell at her for that – mostly because that nurse was trained to wield a scalpel and was his personal attendant. Oh no, he'd bite off whoever's head popped into that door next for being a bastard and ruining, probably, the best moment of his life.

"Whoever the hell it is, tell them to fuck off."

"Now Naruto, I don't remember teaching you _that _word growing up." The voice sighed out of faked disappointment. "Have I truly failed as a parent?"

"D-Dad, what the hell…?" whipping his head around, Naruto's mouth gapes open like a fish at the sight of his dad leaning casually against the wall, a gigantic smirk on his face.

Why in the world was _he _here of all places?

"In the flesh, Brat, now come give your old man a hug."

+Akatsuki Cosplay Café: Surprise+

Pein lazily picked up Mr. Snuggles ear, then let it drop down. Picked up, dropped down. Picked up, dropped down. He did this for about five minutes waiting for the other Cosplay members to come back from their trip around the hospital. Honestly, he would bet that everyone got sidetracked along the way and were currently fucking it up in various parts of the hospital.

Tobi, Sai, and Gaara being the exception of course since they didn't have any significant others of their own. Pein wouldn't put it passed him if he suddenly saw Tobi using the hospital knives to either make his own dessert, or operate on a patient himself. Sai was probably out and about flirting with anyone that sported a penis between his legs. And Gaara… well… Pein didn't want to think too hard about what sort of things Gaara could find interesting in a hospital.

"Ne, Mr. Snuggles… I'm getting kind of hungry. Do you want to stop by the café?" Pein smiled softly, scooping the bunny in his arms as he tried to remember which way the café was from the lobby. "I've always wondered if hospital food was as bad as they said they…. Mina-chan?"

A streak of gold hair whirred around the corner, derailing Pein off the track of food and onto the track of his missing… lover? Could he even place that label on him despite the major gap of age difference? Along with the fact that the two hadn't truly spoken face to face in years added onto the confusion. Pein swallowed back a large lump in his throat. Suddenly his legs felt heavy, refusing to move from their spot on the floor.

He wanted to run after that blonde streak and never let go…

"Mr. Snuggles… it can't be Mina-chan… can it? I mean, he never told me he was coming." The man chewed on his lip thoughtfully. Although they hadn't talked face to face, the two were always in constant communication whether it be e-mail or Skype – something Pein resented doing to the fullest, but on behalf of Minato's begging, he finally gave in.

"You're right… I need to go find him." Pein nodded at Mr. Snuggles, the urge to find out of that was truly Mina-chan made his feet able to move again. "Let's go find out."

It didn't take the pair too long to find where Mina-chan was going. He was right outside Naruto's door, making an effort to sway the nurse into letting him inside. Pein watched silently from his spot behind a potted plant. What business did Minato have with Naruto? And that's when the realization hit him…

"Duh," it was obvious to him now why Mina-chan was here. What he wanted to know now was why, out of all the times he could have popped in for a visit, Minato would be _here _to see his son. More so, how in the world did he even know Naruto was hospitalized anyways?

"Oh…duh, again." Pein shook his head out of his own stupidity. The dots were finally connecting and it all made sense now – somewhat! Things revolving around Mina-chan rarely ever made sense. "You've figured it out too, huh Mr. Snuggles? Yeah… Mina-chan is a crazy bastard."

'But I love him anyways.' The words never really traveled outside, but stayed locked in his heart where he could hope and dream that Mina-chan wasn't here just for Naruto…

+Akatsuki Cosplay Café+

"Your leg looks pretty messed up there, son." Minato frowned at the scoff Naruto shot his way, but he was more concerned about his son's bandaged leg than anything else. He explicitly _told _Kyuubi over and over again to aim for the bitch (aka Sasuke). Although he had to take into consideration the durability of the rope into consideration, but he was sure Kyuubi was up there around the time Sasuke would be in the right spot.

Oh, whatever, his plan would still go on either way with or without Sasuke in a hospital bed.

"Yeah, Dad. Thanks for point out the freaking obvious." Naruto growled out in annoyance. Normally he'd be happy to see his father, but the last time they met was on very bitter terms. And the fact that he suddenly appeared in the _exact _hospital where he was currently residing in not looking the least bit surprised seeing his own sun with a messed up leg was… highly suspicious.

'Okay, yeah, Dad definitely had something to do with this.'

"So how'd it happen?" Minato raised an eyebrow, feigning casualty and curiosity with one look. Naruto could be a smart cookie when he wanted to be. Minato was praying that this was one of the, many, times that Naruto was in fact oblivious to anything and went with his own place.

Sadly, this was not one of those times.

"Don't play dumb, Dad. I know you had _some_thing to do with my leg being fucked up. So start talking or I'll tell Mom about this."

The older blonde scoffed and folded his arms across his chest. Petty threats, that's all Naruto could throw at him. "You know your mother is all the way in Egypt right now due to her job. What good would informing her now do?"

"She can still kick your ass all the way to Sunday."

That little comment derailed Minato off of his wonderful track, but only for a moment. He cleared his throat, filling in the awkward silence before he fixed Naruto with a stern glare. "Alright, so maybe I had some part of this—"

"Some part? More like the whole freaking shebang!" Naruto spat out.

"No, it was Kyuubi who cut the rope. Which by the way, the light was meant to hit your boyfriend over there, not you." Minato sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose with his pointer finger and thumb. "Obviously that phase of the plan backfired."

"Naruto, explain to me why your family has a grudge against me." Sasuke was getting pissed off. More than pissed, actually, he was ready to explode with violent anger if answers weren't being spoken. He'd never met this man in his life and now he was on some freaking hit list for God-knows-what!

Things needed to start being explained, now.

"Wouldn't I like to know?" Naruto shot a look at his father who was currently looking as nonchalant as could be by the window. "Tell me, Dad, why so hell bent on attacking us?"

The older blonde stared at his son for a few moments, considering that he might have gone too far this time. He was known for becoming wildly enthusiastic and spontaneous whenever he was passionate about something, but perhaps he had over stepped the boundaries with this one. Naruto was old enough for them to have a man-to-man talk about important family issues. But he was also immature enough to let those important issues bounce off of him like a rubber ball.

"I guess I can't beat around the bush for long." It was about time Minato started to crack down and act like the parental figure he was. "My company has recently made a branch in America. My boss has offered me the job as manager of that company. I'll be transferring in two weeks."

"So this automatically gave you the okay to harm me _and _my boyfriend? Wow Dad, I thought Uncle Kyuubi was the one who let power go to his head." Do you hear the sarcasm dripping off his words? Yeah, it's pretty lethal.

"No, injuring Sasuke was going to be my creative outlet before I came to you." Minato shrugged off the evil glares he was getting from both Naruto and Sasuke at the moment. If his son was going to ask him sarcastic questions, then he'd cut him down to size with the startling truth. That's what parents were supposed to do. "I'll be over there for a year, and I've decided to take you with me."

"W-What?"

For the first time in a while… Naruto felt his whole world slip from underneath his feet.

* * *

Dun, dun, dun! EPICNESS.

I honestly don't know what to say right now, expect (if you don't mind) checking out my new fanfic Eclipse. It's not a vampire fanfic, but something I've been itching to write for the longest time... so ta da! To anyone who wanted to read my other naruto fanfics, I'll be posting some up on narutofic (dot) org. I have Kick/Start and Illusions&Roses up there right now. If you'd like anymore, just tell me.

Reviews would be absolutely amazing! And, once again, if you could check out Eclipse I'd appreciate it - just go take a magical adventure to my profile. (Thought of Dora while typing this...)

**Next time on ACC: Clash of the Blondes. What happens, well, you've gotta wait to see 8D.**

Till next Thursday huh? :o


	26. Clash of the Blondes

**Warning: It's a clash of the blondes! Be ready for almost anything! Nagato (Pein) is a big ol' softie 8D. Cute little guy. And, well,I'm positive there's some humor in here 8D. Dry humor perhaps... eh... :L**

Thanks for all your reviews guys! I freakin' love yah :D. You make me feel like the Energy Bunny! You know, the one on the batteries? ;D. Yeah! Like that guy :D.

Enjoy (:

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**Akatsuki Cosplay Café**

**Chapter Twenty-Six: Clash of the Blondes**

Every cell in Naruto's body seemed to have slow down to a turtle's pace. His heartbeat thrummed slowly; too shock to pump blood any faster than it already was. Unconsciously he went for Sasuke's hand, gripping on to it for all it was worth. Their hands were the tangible connection that would keep them closer; nothing could tear them a part. The harder Naruto gripped on Sasuke's hand – the raven reciprocating the action – made that belief grow even stronger.

"You're not taking me away, Dad!" Naruto's voice trembled, fighting back the onslaught of tears that wanted to streak down his face. "You can't just come back here after leaving me alone for two years and expect me to willingly come with you to another country! No way, Dad, I'm not leaving Sasuke behind!"

Minato seemed more or less unfazed by his son's outburst of disrespect. He anticipated it. Naruto wouldn't give into anything he didn't believe or right, or went against what he wanted to do. He was proud of his son for sticking up to him, but now wasn't the time.

What needed to be done needed to happen _now _and he wasn't going to stand around arguing with his teenage son about it.

"I can see where you're coming from. And honestly, as much as I hate the fact that you're dating the Uchiha, I'm not going to stand around and play this tennis match with you."

"Dad, obviously the fact that I don't give too shits about going to America isn't processing through you. I told you, I'm not going! I'm not going to leave Sasuke behind for a year just so I can live with you in America." The blonde's eyes steeled over in pent up anger and frustration. His voice took on a deep, gravelly tone to it. "You've left me once all by myself just fine. What makes now any different?"

Minato stopped in his tracks; his plan was completely derailed now. Of course Naruto must feel resentment from him, all he's been doing since he was old enough to drive was push him away. He had his reasons mind you, ones he never really wanted to share in the first place, but Naruto was old enough now. He had the ability now to form his opinions and morals after the months of separation that caused such a huge gap between them.

He sighed, dreading that this day would come while he was on his death bed rather than he was still alive and kicking.

"I suppose I owe you some answers—"

"Hell yeah you do."

"Sasuke, I don't really care if you mind or not, but can you please step outside? It'll only take a few minutes." Minato threw a nonchalant gaze towards the raven. It truly seemed that Sasuke's presence barely phased the man one bit.

Sasuke was reluctant, to say the least, on whether or not he could trust this man who blatantly told him that he was hated. For whatever reason, the raven didn't know, but he sure as hell wanted to find out. Turning to Naruto, he waited for that nod giving him the okay to leave him. Naruto looked uncertain, chewing on his bottom lip in thought. They were both uneasy about the fact that Naruto's dad could, and would, do anything once Sasuke stepped out of the room.

After a few moments of eye-to-eye conversation, Naruto finally gave the okay and the two unclasped hands.

"Call for me the minute he tries to do something, alright?" Sasuke gently kissed Naruto on the forehead, the cheek, and finally rested upon his lips.

"I will…" Naruto whispered, watching sadly as Sasuke walked out of the room, leaving the two blondes alone to their own devices. Gathering up his pride, manliness, and musk, Naruto stared head on at the man he dared to call 'Father' and scowled. "So, we're alone. Let's talk."

The older blonde nodded curtly. He searched for a chair only to come up empty. He highly doubted Naruto would be in favor of him sitting on the bed, so he chose to keep a reasonably comfortable distance and leaned against the door with his legs crossed.

"This is probably really late in the whole 'apology, father-to-son talk thing', and don't give me that 'Yeah, right' look Naruto, I know that I've failed as a parent."

"I'm glad you've finally admitted to that."

"Seriously, Naruto now is not time for the sarcasm." But seriously, there was _always _the right time for sarcasm. "Will you at least hear me out?"

"No, I won't." Naruto deadpanned.

Minato sighed out of frustration, "Then we're never going to get anywhere."

"I'm fine with that if it means you'll do what you've been doing for the past year and leave me the hell alone." The blonde's words were bitter, sending Minato into a flinch he hadn't realized occurred. Resentment wafted out of the blonde and stayed around him like a heavy blanket. All these years he thought the separation would be a good thing considering the situation at hand. But maybe he should have stayed and faced the storm with his son and brother like the man he was taught to be…?

"I had my reasons, Naruto!"

"Oh, they must have been some damn good reasons to leave your son alone for the majority of his life!"

"Do you think I actually _liked _the fact that I couldn't see you grow up? That I had to leave you with Iruka until you were old enough to rent your own apartment? It tore me up, damn it! If I could have gotten out sooner, I would have…"

His father's words were finally sinking in. Naruto raised an eyebrow out of confusion. Could have gotten out sooner from what? What in the freaking world could have kept a father away from his own son?

"What do you mean…?"

Minato pursed his lips, refusing to tell his son the secrets he wanted to keep away from him so long. It had to be the cruel hands of fate playing them forcing such things out in the open now.

"Shockingly, your Uncle Kyuubi works for the same company I do. What you don't know is that our company has ties to the Yakuza. I only joined so I can help get my brother out of the system. But you know, once you become a member it's rather hard to get out unless you want to leave in a body bag…"

"Whoa, whoa, wait. So what you're trying to tell me is that you've been helping Uncle Kyuubi get out of the gang all this time and neither one of you wanted to tell me _any_thing about this at all?"

"Furious?"

"Um, yeah, a little." Naruto slumped against his fluffed pillow, eyes scrunched in both anger and slight concentration. Why did his life have to seem like it came out of some horrible dramatic comedy made to please the masses of people wanting to make fun of him? He was trying to connect the pieces of this horribly confusing jigsaw puzzle together but nothing was fitting right. There had to be something missing…

"So why do you hate Sasuke?"

The final piece of the puzzle; the reason why Minato was so adamant on driving them apart was something the blonde needed to know. Naruto could see his father visibly twitch underneath his hard gaze. The man was a tough one to crack, years and years of experience placing a mask to hide his emotions. But against his son he could never maintain composure for long.

Sighing, Minato admitted defeat, figuratively waving the white flag over his head. His plan was burning in the imaginary fireplace right now, along with his hopes of taking Naruto with him to America.

"May I sit on the bed with you?"

"Nothing's stopping you, old man."

Nodding, Minato eased himself onto the bed, his hand reaching out to ruffle Naruto's spiky blonde locks. He stopped himself when he saw Naruto just stare at him, waiting for him to make the next move. Their eyes locked, sharing private conversation only the two could share.

Older, wiser, grayer in age, blue eyes asked if it was alright to form the contact. Newer, somewhat foolish, newer in age, blue eyes answered with a definite yes; that the contact was welcomed. Minato broke past his hesitation, running his fingers through Naruto's locks a couple of times.

'So this is what it's like to have a father-son moment,' Naruto thought, closing his eyes to the warm feeling of having huge hands massage him so tenderly. 'It's sort of nice…'

"Brat, don't go nodding off on me now."

"I wasn't nodding off." Naruto retorted lamely, a faint blush scarring his whiskered cheeks. "Now answer my question: What do you have against Sasuke?"

"Would you believe me if I said your old man was jealous?" at Naruto's look of complete disbelief, Minato frowned, wondering why he thought Naruto would believe such a thing in the first place. He was a grown man, for god's sake, and he was getting envious over a brat years younger than him.

The thought was completely ludicrous, but true in every way. Poor, Minato…

"You can't be serious, can you?" at Minato's serious gaze, Naruto nearly busted up with laughter. "What the hell, old man? How could you be jealous of Sasuke? There's nothing to be jealous of.

"You say that, Naruto, but look at it from my point of view. I've been away from you for years, and now that I'm back I come to see that another person has moved into your heart. Kyuubi's been telling me all about it since I told him to watch over you whenever he can. And of course Iruka has been filling me in on stuff too. I was jealous that Sasuke could have a bigger place in your heart than I could. That's why I wanted to take you to America; not just because of my job but because I wanted to rekindle our family bond that was lost between us."

Minato chuckled humorlessly, berating himself for getting so childish over one kid. He had brought this upon himself when he decided to leave his child behind away from the world he brought himself into to save his brother. There would always be consequences for his actions, and he'd always have to pay heavily for them, but in his mind it was the right thing to do…

Something that surprised the both of them was Naruto's random urge to hug his father for all he was worth. Naruto's dad, the man he would proudly claim was a bastard in his face. The man who wore a mask to cover his emotions he'd rarely let anyone see. The man he laid awake thinking about when he would ever come home, and stay home…

He was finally able to hug that man and lose himself in the pent of tears that had been stored up for years.

"Damn it… why did you have to tell me this now?" Naruto sniffled, wiping his tears on his Dad's shoulder but not releasing his grip around his waist. "I wouldn't have grown up hating you…"

"But you didn't hate me." Minato grinned cheekily, laughing whole heartedly at his son's pout. "Oh come on, Naruto. Don't start playing big and tough on me."

"You don't know a damn thing." And that was that, in Naruto's mind.

It was a bumpy road, but they were able to pave through it with understanding. The two blondes would have a lot of catching up to do, mind you, but they didn't mind it so much as they thought they did. Secretly, both blondes wanted the other in their life so much it was hard to breathe sometimes.

They just hated to admit it at times.

"Is everything alright in here?" Sasuke opened the door slowly and poked his head through the small crack. His eyebrows skyrocketed to his hairline at the sight of the two blondes embracing. 'Didn't I just leave those two bickering?' the raven shook his head, not carrying how it happened but happy that Naruto and his father were able to work things out.

Now came the part where he'd have to get Minato to like him…

"Everything's great, Teme!" Naruto giggled, ushering Sasuke in with a wave of his hand.

The raven entered in almost nervously, refusing to meet Minato's gaze. Of course, Minato had to use this chance to make the raven as uncomfortable as possible, but because Naruto was giving him a glare that promised death – and he didn't want to break the bond that was slowly starting to form between them – he decided against reluctantly.

"Sasuke, you don't have to look at me, but I'd like to say I'm sorry for my earlier behavior. I will admit, the whole light incident was a little… childish. And in all honesty it was Kyuubi's plan in the first place, not mine." Way to place the blame on your brother, Minato! "But I've come to terms now with your relationship with Naruto." When Sasuke finally came to look at him with wavering emotions clouding his eyes, Minato gave him his warmest smile to ease his nerves. "Make Naruto happy, will you?"

Sasuke grunted, a small smile teasing his lips as he gazed at his blonde adorably. "Trust me, I have every intention to."

+Akatsuki Cosplay Café+

"I wonder when Mina-chan will come out."

Pein was utterly bored. Two, freaking, hours and Minato still hadn't come out of that damned hospital room. The rules be screwed over up and down, Pein was ready to reek some havoc if he wasn't able to speak to Minato. Sure, he could have just barged in to the room like the rampaging bull he wanted to let loose, but Sasuke had came out moments earlier saying that Naruto and Minato were having a needed talk.

So, he sucked it up, grabbed his Ziploc bag full of Oreos and started to chow down.

Slowly, the door to Naruto's room opened. Pein could feel his heart trash against his rib cage maddeningly, wishing to escape to the outside world so it could slow-mo run to Minato. This was the moment he'd been waiting years for. To see the man who drastically changed his life for the better. To run up into Minato's arms and never leave them again was a dream he wished would soon become a reality.

"You still have a thing for cookies I take it?"

Pein couldn't form words, syllables, even a sound. All he could do was wordlessly nod as he watched Minato sit down beside him with that warm smile he loved so much plastered on the blonde's face. He could have sworn he was sweating in all sorts of places, and instantly scolded himself for getting so worked up.

'He's going to think I didn't grow up with how I'm acting…'

"I can't believe you've kept that bunny for so long too." Minato let his voice drop of quietly, inspecting the young man before him with awe. It truly had been years since he'd seen Nagato, and he'd grown up to be a wonderful young man. The piercings were to be expected. The sudden bright orange hair color was something he'd have to ask later on. But it was the eyes that still kept their intoxicating beauty over the years.

"You said… that this would be the thing that connected us." Pein refused to make eye contact out of the fear he'd completely embarrass himself if he stared into Minato's deep blue eyes. "So I couldn't just throw it away…"

The orange-haired man could hear Minato's smile through his words. "So you've been keeping it for all this time…" the older man chuckled, bringing the younger man into a hug and just allowing himself to get lost in the embrace.

This was so wrong… everything in his body was screaming to let go. But he told those feelings to fuck off and allow him to enjoy the pleasant sensations of a long-awaited embrace.

"You really are too cute for words, Nagato. You haven't changed a bit."

"Shut up…" Pein mumbled quietly, a faint blush scarring his cheeks. However, he couldn't stop the smile from spreading through out his lips.

That's right… you can't stop the power of Love, so don't fight it and keep on smiling.

* * *

**NEXT TIME: A Filler for Tobi 8D. A chapter that shows Tobi's seductive ways ;D. LMFAO. **

Till next time eh? :D


	27. Filler for Tobi

This is short, I know, but it's only a filler for the next chapter :D. Dedicated to all you crazy Tobi fans out thuuurrr. XD.

**Warning: Now before you flame me on this I know there is no way in HELL that Tobi would be paired up with (insert character's name here). They won't even get together. Tobi's just perverted. **

Enjoooy :D.

* * *

**Akatsuki Cosplay Café**

**Chapter Twenty-Seven: Filler for Tobi**

"Blondie, I'm so glad you're alright!" Deidara grinned like the mad man he was and ran up to the poor little blonde on crutches, tackling him where he stood. Naruto didn't have the chance to run away (you can only get so far while on crutches) and had to suffer a football tackle by none other than Deidara himself.

Itachi watched the scene unfold with a smirk on his face. Sasuke tried to pull Deidara off of Naruto. Naruto tried to kick Deidara off with his crutches. And Deidara tried to hug the life out of Naruto. It seemed like every single thing was just down right comical to Itachi nowadays.

"Deidara, I understand that you're happy to see Naruto safe and healthy but he was just discharged from the hospital. I don't think any one of us would like to see him admitted back into the hospital anytime soon."

"Oh c'mon, Tachi, it's not like we don't have the money in case I break Blondie's leg again!" Deidara pouted. Itachi was just being his usual, bastard self because he was probably half way over the moon and heading to Pluto with his win against Orochimaru.

Turns out people were actually sympathetic towards the injured blonde and had donated penny after penny in hopes it would fund towards his recovery. Little did they know that Itachi had a really fetish for money – and winning – and kept most of the money as bragging rights to rub in the competition's face. All in all, Itachi could say that if all it took for him to win was injuring a Cosplay member… he would have done it in a heart beat.

"That money is for bragging rights and funding the Cosplay only." Itachi crossed his arms over his chest; a wide smirk he didn't bother to wipe off was plastered on his face. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have to recount my money… again."

With that said and done, Itachi turned on his heel and walked back to his office. And of course his silent yet happy companion, Hidan, was right by his side.

"Great, glad to know that my welfare comes last!" finally able to stand up on his good foot, with grateful help from Sasuke, Naruto glared at the office door with all his might. He hoped it would burst into flames, or something of that nature, but obviously the only thing that was going to fry were the circuits to his brain.

"Oi Uzumaki quit your bitching already." Kiba shoved another piece of cake into his mouth. Good God it was absolutely delicious! The frosting was whipped cream, smooth and nice, not scratchy and weird tasting like regular icing. It was a chocolate cake lined with icing and topped with a delicious strawberry on top.

Courtesy of no one other than Tobi himself – the master chef!

"What the hell, Kiba?" Naruto looked highly bewildered seeing his best friend chow down at the table. Honestly, he had thought Kiba would be the first one raring to go home after being forced to "suffer" a day with a group of gay men. Obviously Naruto was dead wrong seeing as Kiba was still here and not complaining…

Sasuke cocked an eyebrow at the brunette licking off the plate. It was supposed to be in question of why Kiba was still here, but now it was leaning towards why Kiba was lapping at the plate like a stray dog.

"Are you going to explain this to us or not?"

Kiba glanced at the two out of the corner of his eye, burped, set his plate down, and released a sigh full of contentment. "Itachi offered me a job here."

"And you said yes?" Oh yeah, Naruto was the book definition of confused right now.

Kiba scoffed. "It's only because he's paying me in kick ass food. If it weren't for that do you _think _I'd be sitting here?" when neither Naruto nor Sasuke spoke up, Kiba rolled his eyes and waved his hand in the air. "Oi, Tobi-san, another one of those cakes right here my man!"

"Coming~" Tobi bumped the door leading to the kitchen open with his hip. He was brimming with energy and excitement as he covered the distance between him and his new prey. Yes, that's right, Tobi thought of Kiba as prey…

"Oh sweet!" the brunette rubbed his hands together, eyes flashing with greed and hunger. Grabbing his fork, he eagerly dug into his meal. Kiba ignored the looks he was getting from both Naruto and Sasuke because honestly he wasn't going to deal with their lost expressions. He had his reasons, he answered their questions, and now it was time to pig out!

"Oh, I absolutely love seeing you enjoy your meal!" Tobi clapped his hands wildly.

"Who wouldn't love your food? Man you're a freaking genius!"

"I'm no genius!" he blushed from the flattery, his visible red eye sparkling with delight as he stepped into his next plan of attack. "But you know… its rather lonely being back in the kitchen with no one around. I'm always back there with cakes ready to be taste tested but no one to eat them." The man sighed, feigning sadness in his voice. "I would love to have some company around… to taste my creations."

"Dude," Kiba swallowed past the thick cake in his throat and smiled with teeth stained with frosting. "I'd totally keep you company back there! As long as you feed me cakes, I'm game for anything."

Oh my… Kiba would surely come to regret those words later on in his life.

Smirking beneath his mask, one that promised perverted foreplay and sadistic tendencies, Tobi grabbed his prey by the hand and pulled him off to the kitchen. Naruto and Sasuke were still highly bewildered while watching the two disappear, only to snap out of their stupor when they heard a scream coming from behind the door…

Naruto winced at the noise and Sasuke barely even flinched. They were torn between going back there to find out what was happening and staying where they were away from the madness.

"Poor kid…" Sasori shook his head and almost sorrowful look in his eyes. "Doesn't know what he just walked in to."

"I thought Tobi was supposed to be the normal one." It wasn't a question; it was merely a lie of a statement Sasuke voiced out. He truly believed that Tobi was the only one that didn't, in any way, have a warped personality.

Obviously, he was dead wrong.

"Do yah really think someone who parades around wearin' an orange mask and bakin' all day is normal?" Kisame scoffed, plucking out a cigarette and shoving it in his mouth. Zetsu was right there, lighter in hand and lit the edge of the cancer stick. "Seriously, out of us all Tobi's the most insane one. He just wears that mask for kicks, yah know."

"So… you mean… Tobi actually has a face?" why do you sound so shocked by that Naruto?

"Mhm," Zetsu nodded, bored out of his mind with the conversation already. "Ever since we've met the man he's been wearing that mask. He's taken it off numerous times though, but only when he's either extremely mad or wildly horny."

Deidara threw his glance back at the kitchen door when he heard the sounds of pots and pans clattering around, screams saying 'Stop' and 'No' emitting from the kitchen. He snickered, wondering how long the brunette was going to go on for until he submitted to Tobi's ways.

"Should we do anything to stop him?" Sasuke asked casually, although he highly doubted any of the Cosplay members were going to say yes.

"Nah," the older blonde waved the matter off with his hand. "Tobi's a beast once he finds someone he wants. Just let him blow off some steam, un. In the meanwhile… we can play a game!"

Somehow… Naruto felt the weird twisting in his stomach was more than just indigestion. Too bad he didn't run away while he still had the chance. But of course, a gimp can only travel so far on crutches…

+Akatsuki Cosplay Café: Poor Kiba+

"You're freaking cheating!" Naruto threw his cards on the table in a huff and crossed his arms over his naked torso. 'I am never playing Strip Poker again!'

"It's not my fault you suck ass at this game." Sasori shrugged his shoulders, throwing a snide grin Gaara's way. The twin sand devils were apparently quite skilled in this game and had made it a challenge to see which one of them could have Naruto stripped first. Gaara mainly wanted to see Naruto naked to poke at Sasuke and to use as blackmail. And Sasori merely wished to see the blonde go totally spastic over an issue that wasn't that big of a deal.

"Fuck this, I'm done!" Naruto puffed out his bottom lip; resting his head on Sasuke's clothed shoulder. Of course everyone was out to get _him _naked just for the hell of it. Even Sasuke had turned on him once or twice. That was something he wasn't going to forget the next time the raven wanted to get intimate.

Just as Sasori was about to make a retort, the kitchen door flew open and out walked a disheveled Kiba. His pants were unzipped, giving everyone a nice view of his boxers, and they were hanging low off his hips. He no longer wore his shirt, and there were slight traces of cream located around his belly button and chest area. Kiba's normally shaggy hair was especially messy; sticking out every which way like it was trying to crawl for the sun.

And his face… his face was a rosy pink color that stained his cheeks and brought out his glossy, brown eyes.

Tobi stepped out next, a victorious smirk on his now revealed face. Naruto's jaw dropped along with Sasuke's grip on his cards at the sight of Tobi's face. The dude was handsome. He had long black hair that reached a little past his shoulders; a few pieces of hair stuck out like spikes that defied the laws of gravity. Scarlet red eyes looked even more dazzling against his pale skin.

All earlier thoughts of how gruesome and grotesque the man most have looked flew out the window. No one else looked surprised, oddly enough. So they turned back around to finish their game without Naruto or Sasuke.

"So I should definitely go with the mangos, right?" Tobi purred, bringing his arm around Kiba's waist.

"Yeah… Yeah mangos are good…Madara-sama." Kiba was in a purple haze, clouded with lust and still high from his core-shattering orgasm. What happened behind those swinging doors would stay behind those swinging doors no matter how much Naruto tried to badger out of him.

"Teme…"

"Hn," Sasuke threaded his fingers with Naruto's. His mind was idly wavering between how weird it was seeing Tobi so intimate with Kiba and how weirder it was to see Kiba call the man by Madara-sama.

"I'm starting to think that there's more to Tobi then meet's the eye."

Sasuke merely cocked an eyebrow. "No really?"

Tobi will always remain a mystery…

* * *

**Next time!: Chapter twenty-eight: I love you .**

**You can guess what's gonna happen huh? 8D?**

Till next time :]


	28. I Love You

Ahahaha, the word count for this was 6,666 words :D. Obviously that's changed but... I found that hilarious o.o.

Thank you one and all for your reviews :]. You guys keep me going and going ;D.

OH! Btw, if you haven't already do you mind checking out my story **Eclipse** and tell me what you think? Highly appreciate it :].

**Warning: FLUFF! And a LEMON, because after 28 chapters I knew you guys would want one o.o. So here you go :]. No cracks in the wall, THIS TIME 8D. **

Enjoy

* * *

**Akatsuki Cosplay Café**

**Chapter Twenty-Eight: I Love You**

"I love you," the blonde smiled crookedly, his lips twitching in a sad attempt at a smile.

"Relax your muscles," the brunette scolded.

He took a deep breath, calming the bundle of nerves that just felt like going haywire today, "I love you." he purred seductively.

The brunette shivered, "Oooh, that was pretty good! Now say it in Japanese."

"Watashi wa anata o aishite," he ran a pale hand through his spiky, blonde, brushing the bang away from his face in a way one might describe as sexy.

"Now in French!"

"Je t'aime."

The brunette snickered. Obviously he was enjoying all the effort the blonde was doing in saying such simple words. "Now say it Mandarin Chinese!"

"Kiba!" Naruto snarled, giving the brunette a good smack to the head.

"Ow! Damn it, Naruto. That freaking hurt, you bastard" Kiba rubbed the back of his abused head, pouting at the slight dull pain that pounded against his skull.

"Ugh, this is so stupid!" Naruto groaned, ignoring Kiba's complaints. His attempts of delivering the perfect _'I love you' _was swirling down the toilet, fast.

"Oh c'mon how hard is it to say three, stinkin' words?" Kiba slurped his slushy, shivering when the coldness traveled from the top of his head to the toes on his feet. Damn that was one hell of a slushy!

Naruto sent a pointed leer Kiba's way, feeling the limits of his imaginary rubber band known as nerves ready to snap. "This is Sasuke we're talking about, remember Kiba? He's normally an ice sculpture when it comes to feelings! It's only when I'm in some death like situation that the ice starts to melt."

For the umpteenth time today Naruto started to fiddle with his tie. It was a death trap to him, tight and claustrophobic around his neck. He hated ties with a burning passion but because of the details of their date he was forced to wear one anyways; which sucked majorly because the only tie Naruto had was bright orange.

"Okay so Sasuke's a bastard, I already knew that." Kiba happily bounced off the glare he was getting from Naruto and took another sip of his slushy before continuing. "But you guys know you love each other right? You just haven't said the words yet. It's there. You guys just have to grow the balls to say them."

"Easier said then done, Kiba." the blonde puffed air to blow away his bangs, readjusting his cufflinks on his black dress shirt until he was moderately satisfied. This conversation was starting to run around in circles, and Naruto didn't need to deal with the headache coming from it. Turning their conversation to a more important topic, Naruto played with his spiky hair.

"So how are you and Maddy-San?" The blonde grinned wildly at the mirror that showed Kiba's rampaging blush taking over his face. It was so freaking funny to see his once straight friend utterly whipped by a man whose lifestyle was literally masked.

"T-There's nothing between us!" he stuttered, avoiding an eye contact with those blue eyes that screamed 'Yeah right'.

"That's the biggest load of bull I've ever heard and you know it." Naruto flopped besides his best friend and stared him down until he was broken enough to talk. "Have you forgotten that all of us heard you screaming in the kitchen? And you can't tell me you've forgotten the way you walked out. Bite marks all over your body, pants ripped and whip cream on your nipples—"

"Okay, alright, I get your point." Kiba groaned into the palms of his hands, trying to rub away the scarily pleasant memories of three days ago. 'I'm still straight, damn it!' or so he'd like to tell himself over and over again every time he was alone at night thinking of a certain someone.

"If it makes you feel better I was just surprised as you are. I thought you'd be able to still be straight after a week or so."

Kiba shot a glare at his best friend. "Are you trying to say that after a week of this job I'd turn gay?" he scowled at Naruto's nonchalant shrug. He really wanted to punch the blonde in the face right about now. "I still like girls you know."

"Of course you do." Naruto patted Kiba's shoulder. "Now you just like boys a little more than usual."

"Thanks, best friend. You're so much help." there was so much sarcasm sprinkled on those words.

"I try." Naruto grinned cheekily. Just then his phone started to ring. Pulling it out of his pocket, Naruto held the cell to his ear. "Naruto speaking. What's up?"

"Did you go on your date yet? You skinny bastard you said you'd call me before you left!"

Naruto winced at the shrill voice screaming in his ear. He was pretty sure an eardrum had ruptured. Kiba, who was sitting beside him sulking, even jumped a little at the loudness. Sometimes he couldn't tell who had the louder voice; Naruto or Sakura.

"Tell her to shut the fuck up! Loudness like that should be criminal."

Naruto shook his head and rolled his eyes. "Kiba says to shut the fuck up or you'll never find yourself a boyfriend. No worries, I already beat the shit out of him for you." ignoring Kiba's protests, Naruto got up and walked down the stairs to the kitchen where it wasn't so loud. He couldn't deal with both Kiba and Sakura screaming at him.

"Kiba's stupid so I don't take him seriously, but thanks." Sakura hummed on the other end of the line, waiting for those magic words to appear so she can go into her little spiel she created for this very conversation.

"No problem. But anyways, I didn't call because obviously the prick is taking forever to pick me up. Seriously, how long does it take a guy to dress up for a date?"

"Trust me. If you're dressing to impress then it takes a good three hours just to get ready. It's a very grueling process."

'Great, now I feel bad because I only took two hours and forty-five minutes to get ready.' Not like fifteen minutes would make or break you, though. Sighing, Naruto began to channel his nervousness into pacing up and down his kitchen. It was just a date. No big deal. Not the end of the world. It was just a date.

What a load of bull. It was a hell of a big deal.

"Lucky for you Naruto, I'm here to help. I've even made a mental checklist to go over with you just for this situation."

Naruto braced himself for what incredulous things his friend could think of.

"I'm ready... I think."

"Alright! Where's your date at?"

"That fancy new restaurant in Shibuya. It's Italian."

"Oh, that's a very nice choice! I'm pleased with Sasuke's decision. An elegant setting with just the right amount of privacy to give you guys all the sneaky kisses you want! Okay, so what are you wearing? Please tell me you've at least attempted to wear something formal."

"What do you take me for anyways, Sakura?" Naruto snapped. Sakura made it sound like he dressed like a hoodlum everyday of his life. That was only partially true! "For your information I'm wearing a black dress shirt—"

"And an orange tie?" Sakura deadpanned. She groaned at Naruto's almost nervous grunt.

"Naruto, you're almost eighteen. Can't you grow out of your fetish for orange already?"

"It's not a fetish, Sakura! The color really brings out my hair color as all." waving his hand on the matter, Naruto continued. "Anyway, I have black slacks on and black high tops."

"With the orange laces...?" Sakura was a little weary but let out a sigh of relief when Naruto said they were white. "Good outfit choice despite your orange fetish shining through. Now then… what else do I have to ask you? Oh yeah! Do you have any condoms packed for tonight?"

"Of course... Not! Sakura, how could you ask something like that?"

"I'm curious! _And _it's for your own benefit. How long are you and Sasuke going to play the scared virgins anyway? Take the freaking plunge and tell him to stick it in you, already!"

Kiba, who had walked in at the moment to get a drink, did a spit take hearing Sakura's suggestion. He shot an incredulous look Naruto's way, who in return blushed a ridiculous shade of red and avoided eye contact.

"S-Sakura you're way too blunt..." Naruto felt weak at the knees and lead against the kitchen counter for support. He looked towards Kiba who mouthed _'You're on your own' _and walked back upstairs. "Bastard…" he muttered.

"Excuse me?"

"Not you Sakura, Kiba. He's being a major asshole today. But back to the whole topic of...sex. Yes, I want it. No, I don't want to rush it. Not until..."

'Not until he says he loves me.' Naruto finished the sentence in his mind. It seemed like a pointless thing to wish for your boyfriend to say _'I love you'_. But to Naruto it would be the key to unlocking the last stage of their relationship. There were obvious signs that the two's feelings progressed more than a simple like, but neither one of them had to balls to step up and say it. 'He was close to saying it in the hospital, though. But dad came in and ruined the moment. Now Sasuke won't say it…'

Naruto was waiting for those three words. He needed to hear them. To see Sasuke says those words to him. It would make everything more complete.

"Not until what? Oh no, you're not waiting till he says I love you are you?" silence was her only answer. "That's so cute, Naruto! Sasuke's definitely going to say it! Wouldn't that be such a wonderful birthday present?"

"Yeah... It would." a goofy smile took over Naruto's lips as his daydreams got the better of him.

"And then you'll have birthday sex until morning! I totally see it coming. If you get nervous you can call me. I know a couple of positions—"

"Bye Sakura!" Naruto snapped his phone shut and jammed it in his pocket. He turned on the kitchen faucet to splash some water on his face. Sakura would be the sole reason for his spike in blood pressure.

Kiba came back downstairs, a crazy grin on his face. "She's freaking insane, dude."

"Tell me about it." he closed his eyes and sighed, taking deep and relaxing breaths. One blue eye crackled open. "So what are you still doing at my house?"

The brunette slid into one of the bar stools surrounding the island and licked his lips. "You owe me dinner, Blondie!"

"That's funny. You act like I'm actually going to make you dinner." his phone vibrated and he knew instantly it was from Sasuke. Grinning, Naruto went to the cupboard and pulled out a bowl of ramen, throwing it to Kiba. "There's dinner. You know how to use the microwave right? I'm off to my date. Peace, don't blow my house up while I'm gone!"

Naruto was out the door before Kiba could process what the hell had just happened. He stared down at the box of ramen and scowled.

"You freaking bastard! I hate miso!"

+Akatsuki Cosplay Café+

Sasuke, for the first time of his life, was nervous; down right knees shaking like jelly, chewing on thumbnails, nervous. And it was all because of Naruto. It was _always _because of Naruto. Butterflies were making havoc out of his stomach. He felt the sudden urge to puke, and for the fifth time tonight he wanted to head back home to change his outfit. Only _Naruto_ could make him feel so unprepared.

Naruto was the first person Sasuke had ever dated seriously. Do anything just to make his boyfriend smile and laugh. To see Naruto flash those sparkling blue eyes that spoke so many emotions was what he lived for. He knew he could be a major prick sometimes, and he was always more serious than not, but the majority of those situations were out of pure jest. Sasuke could tell there was something special between them the moment they met. The raven also knew that his feelings went yeah beyond the realm of 'Like'.

So why in the fucking world couldn't he say '_I love you'_ to Naruto?

'It would make him happy.' why yes, Sasuke, it would. 'I know he'd say I love you too.' of course! 'Then why the hell do I still have cold feet?'

Sasuke sighed, taking another sip of his drink and allowed the fizzy bubbles to settle into his stomach. The boy could hold his liquor, but he didn't want to take the risk that tonight would go horribly wrong because of a drunken blonde. So he had decided to go with soda instead – everyone loved soda. Everything had to be sober so all the emotion he poured into this would make an impact on Naruto.

'Just breathe, Uchiha, deep breaths.'

"Sorry I'm late! Traffic was a bitch to me today." Naruto jogged up to the dinner table seated in one of the more private settings in the restaurant. Slightly out of breath, Naruto plopped down across Sasuke with a goofy grin on his face. The minute he had sat down Sasuke went for his hand, stroking his thumb over the skin lovingly.

"T-Teme, we're in public..." Naruto looked flustered but he was actually rather happen, especially when Sasuke scoffed and didn't make any moves to place their hands underneath the table from sight. It should that he was proud, and comfortable, with their relationship. And that brightened up Naruto's mood and gave him a little hope that those three, fated, words would be spoken tonight.

"And your point is? Let them see. It's not like we're the only one here doing PDA." Sasuke shrugged at the matter and gestured over to the table on the far right. Naruto craned his neck to see what Sasuke was actually pointing out and gasped at the sight.

Two men, probably in their mid-thirties, were gazing at the other with words and emotions that could only be described in one word; Love. They held complete adoration for one another. In their eyes, you could see all the promises the two made for each other, the happiness of just being in their significant other's presence. You had to be blind not to see it – and or incredibly dense.

A soft smile tugged on Naruto's lips as he took a glance at Sasuke. His owns sparked with a hopeful light in those blue hues. 'Will we be like them years later?' A part of him wanted to be like that couple, happy and in love like they were the only two in the world. But another part of him told him to stop being so ridiculous and get real. How could he expect to be in the same gay relationship twenty, thirty, forty, years from now?

Naruto told that part to fuck off.

"They give off a nice feeling, don't they?" Sasuke smiled, one only reserved for

Naruto, and leaned in for a kiss. It was light but still held an enormous passion. The kiss conveyed a rainbow of emotions that literally left the two clinging on for more.

Their lips parted, leaving Naruto with his eyes closed, cheeks flushed, and lips still semi-parted and pink from the kiss. Blue eyes opened slowly, a little hazy, but sparkling with an emotion Naruto wanted to call the 'L' word.

"You have no shame..." Naruto mumbled lamely. But there was a small smile hanging on his lips that he couldn't snuff out even if he tried.

Sasuke just smirked, not bothering to reply. He had to admit that there were times when he really had no shame when it came to Naruto. It seemed like Naruto was always the person that made him act so out of character… The waiter finally came after that and handed the two their menus. He didn't look too flustered seeing two boys holding hands, but that was probably because he was trained to have a poker face in any given situation. That or he was rather comfortable with it. Either way, he nodded respectfully and went to serve another table.

Naruto felt his mouth start to open up like a waterfall as his eyes skimmed over the menu. Everything on the menu looked so good! The blonde normally skipped over the appetizers at fancy restaurants whenever Iruka took him out, but not this time! He'd go through all four courses just so he could eat every single thing that caught his eye on the menu. Naruto peeked over the menu with glittering, hopeful, blue eyes; only to have onyx eyes shoot him down on any hopes of ordering the whole menu.

"One, and I stress _one_, thing from each section, Naruto." Sasuke replied sternly. It was so hard to fight off those dazzling, blue, puppy eyes…

"I'm not a child, Sasuke!" Naruto pouted and folded his arms across his chest rather childishly. The blonde really wasn't fooling anyone. Sasuke merely grunted and went back to his own menu.

After their choices were made, the two spent the rest of the time talking. It seemed like, although they've been friends for awhile, they really didn't know much about each other in aspects of dreams and ambitions. Sasuke wanted to become a doctor ever since he started watching house. He said he would love to do a career where he got to save lives. Naruto was thoroughly surprised. The blonde never expected to hear that from Sasuke. Naruto though Sasuke would want to go into a more corporate profession. Hell, he even thought he might inherit the Cosplay cafe.

"Well, you know what I want to be." Sasuke leaned forward with a small smile tugging his lips. "What about you?"

"Oh you know, I've gone through that childhood phrase where I wanted to be everything I saw on TV. One day I wanted to be a fireman. The next time I wanted to be an astronaut. Oh god, that was a fun week..."

Sasuke chuckled, rolling his eyes playfully at Naruto's childish ways. He absolutely loved seeing Naruto's eyes sparkle every time he talked about something passionate to him. They looked like beautiful, sapphire jewels. He also loved watching Naruto's face whenever he got caught up in telling a story. His whiskers were more relaxed, so they looked thinner than usual, and his eyes were widened in awe as he recounted the various antics he experienced during his astronaut phase.

One of them being that he built a rocket out of the trash can, tied two empty Sprite bottles to the bottom, and waited all day for the contraption to ignite. Needless to say, Naruto gave up on being an astronaut after that.

"Did you finally find the job you wanted to do?"

"Hmm... I think so."

Sasuke raised an eyebrow. "You think so? You mean you're not sure?"

Naruto waved his hand at the question. "Well, it's not very definite, but I've been thinking it'd be cool to do it for awhile now."

"Naruto, just tell me already!"

"You're going to laugh if I tell you." Naruto whined.

"Only if the job is as ridiculous as you're making it to be." Sasuke smirked as he watched Naruto pout but finally submit to his demands.

"Fine... I want to be a model." Naruto mumbled underneath his breath. The seemingly long seconds ticked and ticked as he waited for Sasuke to make some form of response. He was expecting the worst; Sasuke would laugh at him, call him a Dobe, and possible hold that over him for about a month or two. However, a small part of him was still a tad hopeful (and horribly naïve) and hoped that Sasuke would support his decision wholeheartedly.

The raven just stared at his boyfriend for the longest time before he broke out into rounds of laughter. A model, Naruto wanted to be a model? Somehow Sasuke had the strangest idea that the idea had spawned from the Cosplay Cafe. And that probably was the case seeing as Itachi literally forced Naruto into dresses everyday of his life; pretty much conditioning the idea into his head.

"See! I told you that you'd laugh!" Naruto frowned and punched Sasuke in the arm.

"Stop laughing!"

"Sorry, Sorry," Sasuke wiped a few stray imaginary tears from his eyes. Naruto was still pouting like a child who didn't get his way. The raven raised a hand to cup Naruto's cheek and stroked the soft skin in a form of an apology. Naruto instantly leaned into the touch, hoping they could just get through the dinner without connecting his fist to the raven's face.

Sasuke carefully stroked the three whiskers that were imprinted into Naruto's skin. The question of where those scars came from always floated around his mind aimlessly, too afraid to actually be voiced; until today of course. Sasuke didn't want anymore secrets between them. He wanted everything out in the open so their bond could slowly start to form. You can't have a healthy relationship if there's no trust involved.

"Naruto."

"Hm?" Naruto opened his eyes to find onyx ones staring at him intently. He blushed and tried to look away but Sasuke's stare held such a grip on him he couldn't look away.

"These scars," the raven ran his thumb over one of the whiskers, "where did they come from? You never really spoke about your childhood before you enter the Konoha school district."

Naruto rubbed the back of his head nervously as he tried to think of the best way to explain how he got them. 'Is he looking for some tragic back story or something?' he gazed into Sasuke's eyes and found no hesitation about the answer; he looked openly ready to hear whatever Naruto threw at him.

"Well... There's really no back story to it other than they're birthmarks."

"That's all they are?" Sasuke's eyes widened at Naruto's head nod. So much for an angst-filled back story, huh?

"Mhm," now it was Naruto's turn to ask a question since it seemed the two had fallen into a back and forth match with it. He chewed on his bottom lip waiting for the perfect question to hit him. And then bam, it did. Just like that.

"You already know about my family," Naruto started out rather slowly as he tried to figure out a way to tactful ask the question without stepping on any broken glass; figuratively speaking. Sasuke merely raised an eyebrow and silently prodded Naruto to continue. "And my family is pretty crazy. Nothing like your everyday families at all. So I was wondering…"

"You want to know what my family is like?" Sasuke filled in the blanks word for word. Naruto nodded rapidly, appreciating the fact that Sasuke could fill it in for him rather than him having to voice it out. The raven let out a sigh, holding his wine glass by the handle and swirling the contents around. He had figured this question would come sometime. He was just hoping it would come later on in his life – preferably in his late thirties.

"Well… we're _okay_."

"Define 'okay'."

"Okay, as in, my father practically hates Itachi for being involved in the profession that he's in. And now he's taking all the excess energy out on _me _and pushes me to become the 'perfect Uchiha' Itachi failed to be." Sasuke stated rather bluntly, watching as Naruto's eyes widened as wide as saucers before dimming down to a compassionate gaze.

"Dude… that sucks…"

Sasuke couldn't help but smirk at Naruto's blunt way of describing the situation. "Tell me about it."

The two boys chatted animatedly the rest of the night. Laughing, smiling, and enjoying the other's company under the glow of the chandeliers. With every passing moment, both Naruto and Sasuke felt that emotion they wanted to place a name on, but were always too scared to do it, swirl inside of them. It wanted to break free! It wanted to flow out of their lips and dance around the air, free and alive.

Soon the music changed from a slow tempo, to dance music. The couple off to the far right was tapping their feet to the music, while moving their bodies to the tempo in their seats. Naruto was starting to feel the beat flow through him too; it was pretty infectious. He smiled wildly, wiggling his eyebrows in a suggestive manner towards the raven that was finishing off another spaghetti noodle.

Sasuke looked up from his plate of spaghetti, eyeing Naruto curiously until he finally got what Naruto was hedging at. He grabbed the napkin from his lap and dabbed either side of lips in case there was any spaghetti sauce left, completely avoiding any and all eye contact with Naruto. But damn it, that was so hard to do when you had deviously fingers trailing up and down your arm! The blonde was still wiggling his eyebrows and motioning over to the empty spot that was free of any tables with his thumb.

"You're not going to leave me alone unless I dance with you… are you?" Naruto simply nodded and pulled Sasuke up to from the table and on to the dance floor.

The blonde giggled as he watched Sasuke's face turn from a pale white to a rosy pink tint. Oh how he loved seeing Sasuke get so flustered – it was too adorable! Naruto smiled warmly and wrapped his arms around Sasuke's neck. It felt good to have the upper hand in something. Sasuke normally was the dominate one, but not tonight. Oh no, Naruto was going to lead them in the dance as Sasuke just sucked it up and followed his beautiful blonde.

"C'mon, Teme, stop acting like you have two left feet and dance properly with me!" Naruto teased, resting his head on the raven's strong shoulders. He pressed himself against Sasuke's body and slowly started to rub his hips. It was slow, sensual, but not enough to be called 'disgusting and tasteless' in the eyes of others. And that's how the two stayed. Swaying back and forth, their hips melding together, and their eyes locked as silent words flew between the two.

Blue eyes spoke a million words of once. They conveyed happiness, nervousness, and the strong desire to never leave the raven's arms for as long as he lived. Onyx spoke of how he'd never let the blonde go no matter what. Neither Naruto nor Sasuke noticed that all eyes were on them as they danced to the beautiful melody. They were too absorbed, consumed, that everyone else were the furthest things from their minds.

And then… as if their lips were being tugged together by a string, they met in a breathless kiss that accelerated their heartbeats. Naruto felt like he was about to melt into jelly and was thankful Sasuke had such a tight grip around his waist. Sasuke wanted to completely mold his body against Naruto's. He wanted to claim that blonde as _his _and his alone. This was the time to profess his love. It was now or never before another perfect chance like this got washed away and never returned to shore.

The two parted, blue and onyx eyes slowly opened, clashing instantly. Naruto felt his breath catch in his throat as he watched Sasuke form those three, lovely, sweet as honey, words with his lips.

"Naruto Uzumaki, I love you."

Sasuke's smile was dazzling, his eyes were lit with joy as he saw tears stream down Naruto's face – tears of joy of course. The blonde crushed the raven against him for another, more passionate kiss. Their tongues duel, and they felt incredible amounts of heat rush through out different portions of their bodies. A loud holler was thrown from the older couple in the back, and soon everyone in the restaurant was clapping in congrats for the happy couple.

Naruto pulled back, blushing, feeling his mood grow even louder as he was surrounded by Sasuke's warm embrace and the clapping crowd. He smiled lazily. "About time you grew the balls to tell me that. I love you too, Sasuke Uchiha."

+Akatsuki Cosplay Café+

What started off as playful, teasing, touches and kisses soon became more passionate and intimate. And now Naruto found himself pinned underneath Sasuke's half-naked body, hardened erection rubbing wantonly against his own. He groaned at the friction, the amazingly blissful friction, and found his own hips grinding right back.

Sasuke panted harshly, he felt like he was going to release right there and then staring into Naruto's lustful eyes. He wrapped a strong arm around Naruto's naked back and pulled him close, one hand holding the back of his blonde head and his face buried into Naruto's shoulder. He deeply inhaled Naruto's scent, the smell sending warm shivers up and down his spine. He wanted to eat the blonde up; devour him until he was nothing more than a quivering mess beneath his body.

Sasuke pressed down a little harder, groaning as Naruto's clothed erection rubbed shamelessly against his own. He pressed butterfly kisses from Naruto's jaw line, to his neck where he sucked on the steady pulse that thrummed against his lips, and all the way down to his collar bone. He wanted to mark Naruto; claim his entire body as his own. It was a selfish, possessive, thought but Sasuke had waited too damn long for this moment to happen and he wasn't going to waste it by not leaving a love mark!

Naruto groaned as Sasuke's teeth pressed against his flushing skin. He always thought it would hurt having someone purposefully bite into you, but oh no, it felt absolutely amazing having Sasuke bite then lap at the bruised skin after his assault. He wanted Sasuke so badly right now it hurt. Every cell in his body was screaming to have Sasuke buried deep inside of him – although he was a complete noob when it came to gay sex.

The raven pulled back, leaning on his elbows as he peered down at Naruto's face. Those half closed blue eyes filled with lust, those flushed cheeks, those pouty and red lips from abusing kisses. He wanted to take a photograph of this beautiful moment and place it over his bed.

"You're trembling…" he whispered, running a naughty finger down Naruto's side.

The blonde's breath hitched when Sasuke's finger ran right back up to play with a hardening, pink, nub. He bit into his fist to hold back the yelp that want to escape as Sasuke experimentally pinched one of his nipples. It was like someone stabbed him with a taser and a jolt of electricity danced through his spine – only instead of feeling pain he felt his groin harden even more…

"S-Sasuke," he groaned as naughty fingers were replaced with a tantalizingly hot mouth. Sasuke's tongue flicked out, rubbing the nub mercilessly until it was shiny with spit. He smirked, before returning to bite the nub and toy with it with his teeth. Naruto's back arched as he cried out Sasuke's name a little louder; moaning shamelessly underneath Sasuke's body.

"That's it, Naruto." He whispered huskily in Naruto's ears, running a lazy finger across Naruto's abdomen, but never traveling further south just to tease the blonde. "Say my name again."

"S-Sasuke…" Naruto moaned breathlessly as Sasuke's hands traveled from his stomach, down past his boxers to cup his ass. He gasped as the raven adopted a kneading motion, massing the cheeks and bringing Naruto's lower half upwards to meet with his straining, clothed erection.

Sasuke moaned, leaning in to claim Naruto's lips once more before moving on to the next stage. He gulped silently, watching Naruto's chest rise and fall as he tried to catch his breath. Sasuke cupped Naruto's cheek and rubbed it gently, eyes flashing worry and concern all at once.

"Are you sure about this…?" he asked hesitantly. He didn't want to move in their relationship so fast if Naruto was going to stumble along the way. He would take this slowly, one step at a time, if that's what Naruto truly wanted.

To answer Sasuke's question rather bluntly, Naruto wrapped his arms around Sasuke's neck and pulled him into another passionate kiss. Once they pulled away, Naruto grinned rather cheekily at the raven's adorably blush. "I've been waiting for this to happen for _months_. Honestly, I don't have a clue as to how this really works…" he went to thread their hands together in that silent, yet tangible, bond the two shared. "But we'll figure it out together."

Sasuke nodded in agreement and went back to attack Naruto's neck. As Naruto trembled and moaned beneath him, his hands traveled down to the waistband of Naruto's boxers. They hesitated for a little, before finally growing enough nerve to yank the unneeded material down and throw it on the floor. Sasuke was completely captivated by Naruto's throbbing manhood, glistening in the dim room light. He licked his dry lips, feeling the urge to capture that organ in his mouth and drive Naruto into insanity. He gulped again, eyeing Naruto's sex one final time before his hand went down and started to pump it.

Naruto threw his head back into the pillow, not even bothering to hold in his moans as Sasuke's slow strokes threw his hips into wild spasms. He couldn't hold it in anymore. The touches were so soft yet they sent incredible amounts of pleasure through out his system. His hips bucked wildly, speeding up Sasuke's pumps as Naruto felt that build up to his release slowly coming…

Until Sasuke stopped his ministrations all together and left Naruto's sex weeping for release.

"I know you want it, but just give me a minute, okay?" he whispered tenderly, kissing Naruto's cheek before leaning over the side of the bed to the nightstand. He opened the drawer and searched for a while until he found the object that he was looking for: a bottle of lube courtesy of Itachi.

Repositioning himself back on top of Naruto, Sasuke ripped off his boxers and threw them to God-knows-where and then flicked open the cap, squeezing a generous amount of lube on to his fingers. Sadly enough (or in this case, gladly) Itachi had pointed out a few key things to do before actually having sex. One of those key things was preparing your partner.

Sasuke dipped further down, between Naruto's legs, and slowly rubbed the tiny hole that was Naruto's entrance, wondering how in the world he was going to be able to fit in that. But he didn't really care _how _it fit as long as he got to see Naruto's pleasure face over and over again. Then, he slowly slid in a digit…

Naruto arched his back out and let out a scream at the intruder. It freaking hurt, despite the amount of lube Sasuke had poured on to his fingers prior to the plunge. Tears fell down his face as he chewed on his bottom lip hoping it would drown out the pain. Sasuke stopped in his prodding and almost gave up on the idea of continuing. He didn't want to go any further if it meant he was hurting Naruto in the process.

"I-It's okay, Sasuke…" Naruto whispered softly, nodding that Sasuke could continue. "Don't chicken out on me now…"

The raven scoffed, but smiled anyways as he kissed away those crystal tears that streamed down Naruto's face. He slid his slick digit in and out of Naruto's entrance, watching as the blonde's face changed from pain to pleasure in a matter of moments. Soon, he had all three fingers in and Naruto was grinding back on his hand, begging for more.

Sasuke felt his nether regions strain with the need to be inside of Naruto. So he pulled out his fingers, a gesture Naruto whined at, and positioned himself at Naruto's entrance. "I'm going to enter you slowly…" he whispered, crashing their lips together as his shoved himself deep with Naruto's heat.

The blonde screamed into the kiss, new tears streamed down his face. Jesus… it hurt so much. His breathing was rapid, his heartbeat erratic, as he tried to get adjusted to the strange, new feeling. Sasuke felt waves of pleasure rock him to the core. Naruto was just so tight… he thought he was going to release right there and then.

And then… Sasuke slowly pulled out until only the tip was left inside and rammed right back in. He had wanted to control himself, for Naruto's sake, but it was so hard to keep onto that thin strand of control when you had an incredibly tight heat in front of you. Naked bodies slapped against each other, and soon Naruto was moaning and screaming out in pleasure rather than pain. Their bodies molded together, their movements were completely synchronized.

Naruto met Sasuke thrust for thrust, clawing at his back as he moaned the raven's name again and again. Sasuke let himself fall into the pool of pleasure building up and rammed himself deep, hard and fast, into Naruto's body. Moans mingled in the air, sweat stained the room in that pleasant sex smell, and Naruto felt his orgasm slowly approaching.

"F-Faster… Nngh! F-Fuck!"

One, final, thrust pushed Naruto over the edge and his seed splashed against both their stomachs and moaning Sasuke's name. Naruto's inner walls clamped around Sasuke's manhood, pushing him over the edge as well as he moaned out Naruto's name. He collapsed on top of the blonde, out of breath but feeling absolutely amazing that he had finally connected with Naruto.

The blonde lazily wrapped his arms around Sasuke's lower back and moaned softly as Sasuke pulled out of him. The two stayed like that for awhile, bodies sticky with sweat, while they waited for their heartbeats to come down from such an incredible high.

'So that was sex…' Naruto let out a sigh as he snuggled deeper into Sasuke's warm chest; the raven kissed the top of his head lovingly. "Sasuke…"

"Yes?"

"That was amazing…" Naruto replied breathlessly.

Sasuke smirked. "It was, wasn't it?"

Naruto nodded excitedly. "We should do that more often..."

Sasuke rolled over and claimed Naruto's lips in a sweet kiss. He pulled back, brushed a few blonde bangs from Naruto's eyes, and showed him that rare smile that was only reserved for his blonde. "Are you saying you're up for round two?"

Naruto growled playfully and grinded his hips upwards, "Do you even have to ask?"

As the two fell back into the world of their love making, both Naruto's and Sasuke's respected cell phones started to vibrate like mad in their pants pockets. Around five messages, all with the same theme, popped into their inbox.

_Blondie major problem! Tachi's gone missing! – Deidara._

_Lil' Raven, hav u seen Weasel-san? I cant find him anywhere. – Hidan_

_Newbie, your father's throwing a hissy fit in the café and he won't stop. Come down here and tell him to shut up. – Sasori. _

_Ok, so yur dad just walked in screaming that he's goin to take down the café! You guys have to come quickly! – Tobi. _

_Mr. Snuggles says to stop fucking each other and get down here pronto. Love, Pein. _

It seems like the café's perfectly world was slowly starting to burn…

* * *

So, they have sex, but in the end something majorly bad is about to go down!

Now I'm off to listen to more J-ROCK!

**Next time: Well, it's war of the Uchiha's o.o. Will the Cosplay Cafe finally meet their end? **

Till next time :]


	29. Family Differences

Thank you one and all for your reviews :]. I appreicate it.

Guys, I think Akatsuki Cosplay Cafe may be drawing to a close soon. I've moved particuarly fast with my plot (which I don't really mind) and I've hit all the marks I've wanted to so far. I really don't want this to end v.v. I'd say a few more chapters to go...

Read and Enjoy :]

**Special thanks to Youtube's Alice Nine and 12012 playlist for helping me write through this D: I barely know a lick of Japanese but the vocals and beats are absolutely stupendous. -makes heart with hands-**

* * *

**Akatsuki Cosplay Café**

**Chapter Twenty-Nine: Family Differences**

"T-Teme… Get off of me already."

"I don't want to." Sasuke replied huskily, leaning down to nip Naruto's ear.

The blonde shivered at the contact but refused to submit to Sasuke's lustful ways. "S-Seriously, I need to take a shower! We've been at this all night. Give it a break!"

Scoffing, Sasuke tightened his grip around Naruto's waist as the two were sitting on the couch. Well, it was more like Sasuke had the blonde pinned underneath him wanting to have another romp before they had to go to work. After their first time, Sasuke couldn't get enough of Naruto. It was like he was some sort of drug with a powerful addiction the raven couldn't shake off. Every sensation from last night was so vivid – the touches, the sweat, the moans, the pleasure. They rocked Sasuke to the very core. He realized that Naruto truly was the one for him; the only one that had such a powerful effect on him.

Naruto huffed. Sasuke wasn't going to relent so easily. But damn it! His ass was sore and his stomach was rumbling. If he didn't get food soon he was going to collapse before the two could even get started again. Using the last bit of his strength, Naruto grabbed Sasuke by the shoulders and pushed him off. The raven landed on the floor with a subtle thump, scowling up towards the smirking blonde above him.

"I'm glad my point got across to you, Teme." Naruto ignored the heavy death glare he was getting from a less-than-happy raven and bent down to help his fallen love. "Oh don't frown like that. I'll promise to make up for it later," he purred, leaning in to kiss Sasuke on the cheek. He pulled back noticing that a faint blush was staining the raven's cheeks.

Absolutely adorable.

"I'll make sure of it." Sasuke replied rather smugly. Naruto simply scoffed; Sasuke always had to have the upper hand in everything. The two walked into the kitchen after that. Naruto made a beeline for the island while Sasuke went over to the fridge. He was craving a nice omelet filled with small bits of ham and spiced with some pepper. Sasuke was fucking hell bent on deriving Naruto from his unhealthy eating habits. No matter how much the blonde protested, ramen was _not_ a part of the food pyramid.

While Sasuke was working on breakfast, Naruto dug into his pocket and whipped out his cell phone. He had forgotten all about it last night for obvious reasons and checked to make sure he didn't miss anything. As expected, he had gotten a text from Sakura demanding details on their date last night. Naruto would answer that later; just to spite Sakura and keep her in suspense. Sakura's expected reaction flashed through his mind, causing a soft chuckle to escape his lips as he scrolled down his inbox.

The next text popped out at him.

'Since when did Deidara get my number?' very suspicious, but Naruto opened the message anyways. He scanned over the message in disbelief, reading over the words trying to make sense of everything. Since there were four other messages left, each from one of the Cosplay members, Naruto felt his heart lurch in his throat as he went to check each and everyone.

"Holy shit…"

"What?" Sasuke asked, placing the steaming plate of food on the table. He peered around and shot a glance at Naruto's screen. His eyes quickly scanned the message, over and over again; his brain was slow on catching up to reality.

_Blondie major problem! Tachi's gone missing! – Deidara._

'Itachi's missing…?' It didn't make any sense. How in the world could things start taking a turn for the worse when their whole relationship had finally progressed for the better? Why was life such a cruel and evil bitch to the innocent people of the world! Panic rushed through Sasuke's system as he patted his pockets looking for his phone. He felt the familiar bulge in the pocket and dove down, retrieving his phone and unlocking it.

Heading straight for his inbox, Sasuke clicked on Sasori's message.

_Newbie, your father's throwing a hissy fit in the café and he won't stop. Come down here and tell him to shut up. – Sasori. _

"Holy shit…" Sasuke gripped his phone in a death grip. His blood was pumping furiously, anger clouding his vision as he swore colorfully. Naruto was right by his side, rubbing soothing circles on his lover's back. Sasuke outwardly groaned, slapping a hand across his face in disbelief.

Of course his fucking father was the cause of all of this.

"Sasuke, we need to get down there, _now_." Naruto went for Sasuke's arm, grabbing and pulling until Sasuke roughly pulled it out of his grip. "Teme, get the fuck up now! This is not the time be experiencing a breakdown!"

"I'm not going there… If my father's there I'm staying here."

"…Excuse me?" Naruto looked absolutely flabbergasted. Um, hello, where was the cocky, confident, and calm Sasuke he knew and loved? It obviously wasn't this groveling mess sitting at the table before him that was for sure. Sighing, Naruto went for Sasuke's cheeks and tugged on them hard, satisfied to hear the raven yelp in response.

"What the fuck, Uzumaki?" Sasuke growled. He was _not_ in the mood for Naruto's random burst of child-like idiocy right now. He would rather find a ditch and crawl in it until everything blew over he was that scared of his father…

"This isn't the Sasuke I know at all." Naruto said bluntly. "The Sasuke _I _know wouldn't let an authority figure have that much control over him. He would go down there and kick some ass!" Naruto pointed a perfectly tanned finger in Sasuke's face. The raven trained his eyes on that finger before slapping away gruffly. "Sasuke, I will drag you to the café myself if I have to."

"I'd like to see you try." Sasuke's eyes narrowed dangerously. Naruto simply smirked. Sasuke wanted to bet, did he? Well then, Naruto would win this bet hands down, and laugh victoriously when he did.

"Well… if you insist…"

Let's just say, Sasuke never crossed the line with Naruto ever again – with in good reason. The blonde could be very persuasive when he wanted to be.

+Akatsuki Cosplay Café: Fight to the Finish+

Hidan instantly perked up when he saw the familiar orange jeep pull up into the driveway. The only person in the whole world who would buy a jeep was none other than Naruto Uzumaki himself. Hidan waved the blonde over, watching with interest as Naruto jogged around to the back of the jeep and pulled out a hogged tie Sasuke. The blonde flung his boyfriend on to his shoulder and casually walked up to the group of Cosplayers surrounded around the café.

"About time you guys got here, Blondie!" Hidan couldn't hold back the inevitable crack that appeared in his voice. He was an utter train wreck. First Itachi goes missing, without any contact. Then, Itachi's prick of a father randomly appears saying he's going to tear down the café if Itachi doesn't meet his demands. And Hidan seriously needed a hug from his Weasel-san before he snapped!

"Sorry, we didn't get your messages till this morning." Naruto replied rather sheepishly, dropping his tied up boyfriend on the ground.

Raised eyebrows and knowing smirks played across everyone's faces – they all knew why Naruto and Sasuke were… preoccupied. And about time they did it too. But now wasn't the time to poke their faces about it. Now was the time for action! Making fun of Sasuke's and Naruto's intimate actions would come later.

"Its fine, but why is Sasuke tied up?" Gaara couldn't help smirking, watching Sasuke struggle to take off the ropes. It was the only comical thing about today and the fact that it was _Sasuke_ tied up made it all the funnier. And, just for the hell of it, Gaara reached out and poked Sasuke's cheek – chuckling when Sasuke tried to nip at his finger.

Oh yeah, this was definitely _very _comical.

"Sasuke was having his midlife crisis a tad bit earlier than expected." Naruto shrugged and bent down so he could help Sasuke untie the ropes. "No worries, though. I straightened Teme out just fine."

Finally freed, Sasuke rubbed his abused wrists glaring death towards the innocently smiling blonde. He would get his revenge, alright, but now wasn't the time to think of that sadly. Standing up, Sasuke noticed the yellow caution tapes that surrounded the perimeter of the café. Along with that everyone was dressed in black and had war paint on their faces.

Picket signs were grasped in their hands. Albeit Kisame who had a pistol in one of his hands.

"Do I want to know?" Naruto asked wearily, eyeing the gun as well. He didn't want to look, but at the same time he _needed_ to look. It was a very complicated feeling.

"This is a serious situation, Kid." Kisame cocked his gun, a crazy smile sprayed across his lips. "And the gun looked cool so I brought it along."

"_Anyways,_" Zetsu rolled his eyes to the clouds above. He had specifically told Kisame that bringing the gun would bring more trouble than good. But did Kisame ever listen to him? No, of course he didn't. "You guys know what's going on, right?"

"Vaguely," Sasuke admitted.

"I guess I'll fill you in then. You see, last night before we closed up shop your father walked in. He looked pretty arrogant, really. He sauntered up to Itachi, and of course since they were still some lingering costumers your brother tried to be civil, but then your father said things. And Itachi said some things. And everything pretty much went down hill from there."

"It was pretty funny at first." Sasori deadpanned, folding his arms across his chest. "Your father has the funniest expressions I have ever seen on an angry person."

"Not needed, Sasori." Zetsu snapped. Sasori merely shrugged, ignoring Zetsu outright. He could state his damn mind if he wanted to. "After that, your father declared that he was going to tear down the café. To which Itachi replied _'You can't do that. You don't have the rights to tear this place down_'_._"

"And then your father pulled out that damn piece of paper that gave him all the rights in the world to do it!" Hidan cried.

Zetsu felt a vein pop. Did everyone really have to interrupt his story?"Like, Hidan said, your father had the somehow swayed city hall to give him the rights to tear this place down. After that, Itachi stormed out. Things got hectic. And your father walked out rather cockily."

"Until I threw a chair at him," Pein deadpanned.

Sasuke blinked a couple of times, trying to find a hint of a smile or any evidence that Pein was joking. Sadly (or maybe gratefully) Sasuke didn't find any traces that the man was kidding. "Okay then… Do we know when my father's supposedly going to tear down the café?"

"He said Tachi had until tomorrow to do anything." Deidara pushed back a blonde bang from his eyes, they looked grayer compared to their normal bright blue hue. "I can't believe Tachi ran out on us…"

"He didn't abandon us _or _this café, Deidara!" Hidan snapped. His fists were clenched at his sides and he swore to Jashin he was going to lodge the sharp end of the picket side in Deidara's skull if he kept talking down on Itachi.

"If that's the case, then why isn't our leader here _right _now, huh?" Deidara retorted. He felt his anger sparking like a wildfire. Hidan was such the loyal lapdog it was almost sickening to watch sometimes. Was he so blindly in love the he couldn't see the fact that Itachi ditched them?

"This café is Itachi's pride and joy! He wouldn't drop it so quickly just because his father had some hissy fit. We're a family, Deidara. Family sticks together through the worst shit imaginable. So don't sell Itachi short."

Deidara shut up after that, more remorseful than anything else. He hung his head in slight shame and walked back to where Sasori was to silently sulk. Everyone else was stunned silent as well by how serious Hidan took the Cosplay members and their relationships. He truly thought of everyone as his family; all brothers with the same love to dress up and please the masses of fans alike. They had to stick together, lift each other up when all they wanted to do was stay down, because that's what a family does.

A small smile found itself on Naruto's lips as he took his place amongst his family. He had to admit, the members had their crazy quirks, their weird personalities, and outrageous fetishes, but he wouldn't trade any of them for anyone else in the world.

"Oi, someone hand me a picket sign!" he flung an arm around Sai's and Gaara's shoulders with a cheeky grin on his face. "I'm ready to start a riot!"

"That's what I'm talking about, Blondie!" Hidan hollered and threw an already made picket sign towards Naruto. He grabbed another and flashed Sasuke expectant, purple eyes. "You want one too? I made sure yours was black with neon green writing."

"No thanks," Sasuke went for his keys and twirled the key ring around his fingers. A plan was formulating in his head – and a damn good one at that. "I'm off to find Itachi. And then head over to my father's office to settle things once and for all." A cocky smirk danced across his faces, "We're not a complete family if Itachi's not here, right?"

Sniffling, Hidan wiped away the tears that threatened to fall down his cheeks. "Lil' Raven, you really are too good! Call me the minute you find Weasel-san, 'kay? We'll take care of things back here."

"Hn," Sasuke grunted. He walked over to Naruto and pulled him in for a kiss that left both breathless. A small grin tugged at his lips as he kissed Naruto's forehead, whispered _I love you_ and headed for the car. The gesture in itself seemed a little overdramatic. Like a soldier who was kissing their lover passionately goodbye because they didn't know if they would ever see each other again. To Sasuke, he was going to enter a war zone full of deadly booby traps, heavy artillery… and a lot of swearing.

Revving the engine, Sasuke already had the ideal place on where Itachi would go if he wanted to escape the world.

+Akatsuki Cosplay Café+

"I thought I'd find you here. You never really grew up after all."

Itachi didn't acknowledge Sasuke's presence approaching the swing set. He didn't _want _to acknowledge everything. Acknowledging meant that he'd have to accept his world was crashing around him. The world he worked so hard to bring up, grow, water, and watch it bloom into the beautiful, striving, world it was. It was like having to see your puppy get taken away because you couldn't care for it anymore.

The feeling of separation literally tore at your heart until you were nothing more but a bleeding mess.

"I remember a few years ago you would always come to this park to escape father's tirades." Sasuke made his way to the other swing next to his brother's and sat down, kicking his feet back and forth. "I have no idea why you chose the swings of all places to go to but…"

"The jungle gym was taken." Itachi deadpanned.

Sasuke shrugged. "Fine then, but all the time, no matter what the weather was like, you would come here to escape from father…"

"I'm pitiful, aren't I?" a dry, humorless, laugh escaped Itachi's lips as he gazed up at the gray clouds. Gray – just like his life had become, just like how he felt. "I'm a grown man running away like a child because things aren't going my way. I'm truly pathetic…"

"It could have been worse. You could have thrown a temper tantrum."

"Is that supposed to help me feel better, Otouto?"

"Take it as you like, I was just stating point." Sasuke ran a hand through his hand, gathering his thoughts on how to approach his brother. Itachi could be a stubborn mule when he wanted to be; hard to sway and hard to budge. It was a highly annoying habit – to Sasuke anyways – but he could see where it could come in handy. However, it wasn't going to be useful anytime soon so Sasuke had to choose his words very carefully.

"You need to talk to Father." Sasuke shot out. He was never the sort of person to beat around the bush for too long.

"Do you honestly believe Father is going to listen to a word I say?" Itachi scoffed, "He hates me, Sasuke. Hates the ground I walk on. Hates the path I decided to take in life. There's no way he'll consider my opinion."

"So that's it? You're just going to give up and sit on this swing set for the rest of your life?"

"The idea sounded amusing at the time."

"What about our family, Itachi? We're all waiting for you to step up and do what's right."

"What family?" Itachi raised his eyebrows. The idea was slowly starting to dawn on him without Sasuke having to draw it out for him. His family – the Cosplay members, they all looked up to him as a father figure; their leader. And here he was, swinging on a swing set, because he couldn't handle the thought that he could be losing his home, the Cosplay Café.

A small smile tugged at his lips. Itachi looked up towards the sky; head hung back, and let out a laugh that turned in to two more laughs that finally transformed into hysterics. If he was the father, then would that make Hidan the mother? Then Sasori and Gaara would be the crazy set of twins along with Naruto and Deidara…

Itachi let out a shaky sigh. He hadn't laughed like that in years and it felt oddly good to let it all out in the form of laughter. Sasuke sat on the other swing, watching with strange interest as Itachi hoisted himself off of the swing. His brother turned to look at him with those confident and cocky onyx eyes Sasuke was so familiar with.

Now _that _was the Itachi he knew.

"You're going to go over there and kick some ass?"

Itachi smirked, "Of course I am. My house and family are on the line. I'll protect them with my life."

Sasuke nodded, proud to have a sibling like Itachi. The two exchanged parting words before they went off to their respective cars. Itachi revved the engine, hands coming to grip the steering wheel tightly. He was actually going to do it. He was actually going to walk up to his father and _demand_ he stopped be so ridiculously. Deep in his stomach Itachi felt like this meeting was going to crash and burn rather quickly…

But for his family… he'd gladly accept the flames.

+Akatsuki Cosplay Café+

Fugaku leaned back on his leather reclining chair, wincing at the spikes of pain that erupted along his lower back. Damn that orange-haired freak for throwing that chair at him! He didn't even see it coming to make a counter attack. After he tore down that infernal building and brought back some common sense to his two sons, Fugaku was going to sue the pants off of that orange-haired man with the pink bunny.

"Don't frown like that, dear. You really did have that chair coming to you." Mikoto smiled innocently, bringing over another ice pack for her husband. She loved this man, truly and really did. But there were just some moments where she seriously had to sit back and wonder how in the world someone so incredibly thick headed got to where he was today; a powerful CEO charge of the biggest company in Japan.

"You're supposed to be on my side, Mikoto." Fugaku sighed as the cool ice made contact with his burning skin. What a wonderfully pleasant sensation to take his mind off of all the stress that revolved around the business world.

"I don't support narrow minded people, dear."

"I did what was best for our sons, Mikoto!"

"If you _really_ cared about them, then you wouldn't destroy something Itachi worked hard to bring up." Mikoto shrugged off the scowl her husband was giving her. "You don't have to necessarily agree with his or Sasuke's decisions, but you should at least respect them."

"Their business was tarnishing to the Uchiha name! Do you know how many of the family members phoned me about how shameful it was for Itachi to be in that sort of profession? I had to change our number it was getting out of hand."

"Ah, so that's why I haven't been getting any calls from my girlfriends."

"Mikoto!"

"Uchiha-san, you have a visitor." His secretary's voice flooded the room over the intercom, effectively interrupting Fugaku's and Mikoto's argument. Extremely relieved, Fugaku pressed the button on the intercom to reply.

"What is it?" rather curt, but that's how he got his way around the place.

"Your eldest son is here. Would you like me to send him up?"

Fugaku rose a skeptically eyebrow. The stubborn father in him wanted to believe that Itachi was here to meet his demands. But reality was slapping him over the head saying that Itachi had come for a fight. Well, if a fight was what he wanted then a fight would be what he got.

"Send him up."

"He'll be right there, Uchiha-san."

Mikoto shook her head sadly, fiddling with a few things on her husband's desk. "I already can see where this is heading, and you're not going to like the end results."

"You should really have a lot more faith in me, Mikoto." Fugaku rested his chin in the crook of his fingers, tapping at his cheek as he patiently waited for Itachi to enter. "When have I ever been wrong in the moves I make as a father?"

"Would you really like me to answer that honestly?"

Before Fugaku could open his mouth to retort, his office doors briskly flew open and in walked Itachi. His shoulders were high and straight. His face was masked by a placid expression; neither here nor there, never revealing any emotion. It was the perfect business man's face, and that gave Fugaku a little hope that Itachi was going to comply with his wishes.

Well, he could pretty much snuff out that small sliver of hope as quickly as it came.

"Hello, Mother," Itachi bowed respectfully to his mother.

Mikoto giggled and motioned Itachi to come closer. "There's no need to be so civil." She playfully wagged a finger at her son before pulling him into a hug. Itachi felt awkward at first albeit the hug came from his mother, but he soon warmed up enough to the embrace to return the hug.

After they parted, Itachi locked gazes with his father. Older, dimmer, onyx clashed with brighter, deeper onyx in a battle of the ages. Their eyes spoke of differing opinions on what both men wanted for their lives. Fugaku wanted Itachi to grow up learning the best business skills and trades to one day take over his company. Itachi wanted his father to actually _listen _to what his wants and needs were.

He wasn't a child anymore. He was fully capable of taking care of himself and fixing his mistakes.

"I knew you'd see it my way eventually." Fugaku leaned over and outstretched his hand, fully expecting Itachi to grab it with force. Instead, Itachi simply stared at the hand before gently putting it down.

"That's where you're mistaken, Father. You see, I didn't come here to listen to you and take over the business, I came here to save my family."

"E-Excuse me?" Fugaku allowed the childish mistake of cracking his voice slip through. But the family thing really had caught him off guard a lot more than he expected.

Mikoto smiled fondly. "What a heroic thing to say, Itachi."

Fugaku shot his wife an 'I can't believe it look' before turning back to his son. "I don't think I understand what you're trying to say."

"What I'm trying to say is that the café is my home, and the members there are like family to me. I will do anything I have to do maintain what I've worked so hard to build. I will not let anyone come in the way of my passions, Father. You may not believe, but we're very successful despite how much you hate me working there. It may not be the business you prefer, but I hope that as my father you can respect the choices I've made."

"You are a member of the Uchiha Clan, Itachi. I can not have my _son _work in some cross-dressing establishment! It tarnishes our reputation."

"I know that, Father." Itachi replied calmly. "But honestly, I don't really give two flying shits if the rest of the family likes my work or not. You grew me up in a way that I strive for whatever I have a passion for, Father. Cosplay _is _my passion whether you like it or not and I'm not going to change it just to suit your ways."

Their eyes clashed once more. Older onyx eyes tried to push and prod the younger onyx over to his side. But the younger onyx wouldn't budge. Mikoto stood off to the side, watching the silent exchange with a smile on her face. She had raised that boy right, no doubt. He was becoming such a fine man in her eyes.

'Now if only my husband would lower his pride.' One step at a time, he'll get there eventually.

"No matter what I say you won't relinquish that damn cafe?" Fugaku kept his face void of emotion. Although on the inside, he felt like a complete failure.

"Sorry, Father." Itachi smiled softly, "The café is my home. I can't give it up so easily."

"Oh, Fugaku, just listen to the boy," Mikoto walked over to her husband's side and gently kneaded his shoulder. "He's grown up to be a fine boy. And from what I've learned his business is doing rather well for how young he is. Give him a chance, dear."

Fugaku stared up at his wife who was smiling down at him. Then, he turned his gaze to Itachi whose eyes were sparkling with expectation. He hated the position he was in right now. Say no, and his mother would probably kick him out of the house and his two sons would never speak to him again. Say yes, and he'd have to accept what Itachi did for a living and actually… support it.

Was it alright if he crawled in a hole and died alright?

'No, it's not.' He answered his own rhetorical question. Sighing, Fugaku had finally made the toughest decision of his life. "Itachi, I do not like the fact that you're involved in such a… shameful business. But you seem to be prospering well, and you are my son." Fugaku reached into his drawer and pulled out a sheet of paper; the same sheet that gave him the right to tear down the café.

With one single rip down the middle, the paper split in half and fell to the floor lifelessly.

If Itachi was another person, he would have launched himself in his father's arms. Instead he allowed a rare smile to grace his lips as he reached out to shake his father's hand as if they were sealing a business deal.

"Thank you, Father."

Fugaku scoffed, "Don't make me regret this, Itachi."

"What your father means is your welcome, dear." Mikoto smiled brightly. Her husband really was growing up after all. "Now go back to your family, honey. They must be missing you terribly."

Itachi's smile widened a little more. _Your family _had such a nice ring to it.

* * *

We are family! I've got all my sisters with meeee. :]

Lmfao, what a beautifully, sappy moment.

Alright guys, send in those reviews! They energize me up, yo XDD.

**Next time on ACC:**

**Chapter 30: Photo Shoot Mayhem.**

**Summary: WOOT! The family's back together again! So of course, Itachi has to use this to gain more money and orders a photo shoot for their Cosplay Catalogue O: . We also learn about why people love the cafe so much.**

Till next time ^^


	30. Photo Shoot Mayhem

No reviews? D: Well, I shall live. But reviews would have been nice.

Guys! We're almost at the end. Probably two more chapters or so. I wanted to extend this longer... but idk. What do you think? I can see this ending soon, but if you'd all like a few more chapters I'd be happy to oblige.

**Usual Warning: WHAT? IS THAT... OH GOD IT IS! IT'S A CRACK IN THE FOURTH WALL O:! Fallen is back baby! Some minor sexual content that came up in my perverted mind. And this chapter is humorous! SO LAUGH :].**

Read and Enjoy! :D

* * *

**Akatsuki Cosplay Café**

**Chapter Thirty: Photo Shoot Mayhem**

Itachi stood in front of the café's doors, his heartbeat racing a mile a minute. He was excited; over the freaking moon and partying up with the stars, excited. 'I won', he thought with a valiant smirk. It was an amazing victory indeed. His always-has-a-stick-up-his-ass father had finally seen it his way. He was _finally _going to acknowledge his son's passion for Cosplay. Itachi didn't expect to see his father waltz into his café one day wearing a dress and wanting to eat some fancy pastries – Itachi could very well live without the image of seeing his father wearing women's clothing. As long as his father was willingly – or as willingly as Fugaku could be – accepted that the path Itachi had chosen to take… then that was by all means okay with him.

His smooth fingers grasped onto the door handles; a sigh he never realized he was holding flew out his mouth. He was… nervous. No, not nervous. Itachi Uchiha _never _got nervous. He was… excited! But he needed to calm down, play cool – just to get a rise out of the other café members. He loved to be the cause of their random outbursts of insanity. Taking in a deep, calming breath Itachi finally pushed forward…

Talking and laughter were the first things to flood his ears. The smell of paint and freshly baked cookies wafted through his nose; an interesting mixture, but not that unpleasant. Cosplay members and customers alike were running around with picket signs and t-shirts in their hands. Itachi stood there in the throng of it all, completely bewildered. The biggest understatement of the year. The café was in such chaos, and this time he wasn't the one who orchestrated it. Itachi was about to open his mouth to voice his confusion when an outside force knocked into him, stopping the question from coming out of his mouth, and sent him back first onto the floor.

Thank God the café's floors were always kept spotless.

"Weasel-san!" Hidan gushed, a million watt smile plastered on his face. "Did you talk to your dad? Well of course you did! That's why you're here! How did things go? They went bad didn't they…? Or maybe they turned out well! That's why you're back right? Because you have good news!"

Hidan was an adorable person. Slightly insane, but adorable nonetheless. However, when he started to rapid fire questions faster than Itachi could answer them, and then answer those questions for himself without even hearing the answer, made Itachi want to do nothing more than slap a piece of tape on Hidan's mouth to shut him up. The raven could feel a vein threatening to pop. That was never a good sign, and he really didn't want Hidan to be the death of him just yet. His eyebrow was twitching erratically as he was forced to open, and then shut, his mouth every time Hidan asked a question he never got a chance to answer. Alright, slapping a piece of tape over his mouth would be too nice. He was going to send a direct kick to Hidan's crotch if this man didn't shut up.

**Is That A Crack?**

Fallen: That's rude! You can't just go around kicking people in the crotch!

Itachi: But you do it all the time.

Fallen: NO! Correction: I do it all the time when _threatened_. It's not my fault a man's weakness is so… vulnerable.

Itachi: You sound like a hypocrite.

Fallen: Well you know what, Itachi? This hypocrite has your future in her hands! So you better be nice to me.

Itachi: Don't you have a story to get back to?

Fallen: … Shut up.

**Crack Be Gone!**

Those very thin strands of nerves were ready to snap soon. And if Hidan didn't shut up, someone could possibly die by the hands of Itachi Uchiha. Eyebrow still twitching haphazardly, Itachi reached out and forced Hidan's motor mouth shut with his index finger and thumb firmly placed as a clamp. A sigh escaped his lips as he relished the blissful moments of pure silence. Hidan's eyes were blinking in confusion, but Itachi ignored this.

"As much as I love to see you get so excited," was that a sexual innuendo? "How do you expect me to get a word in edgewise when you're running your trap? Ah," Itachi added a little more pressure when he felt Hidan was trying to move his lips. "Don't answer that. To answer your earlier questions, you have nothing to worry about. The café is going to be just fine."

Or as fine as one café staffed with gay, psychotic members could be.

+Akatsuki Cosplay Café+

With Hidan by his side, Itachi walked through the throng of males and females alike running around like children drugged up on candy. He tilted his head to the side and cocked an eyebrow.

"So what exactly is going on here?"

"That's a funny story, really." A girl walked by, wearing a t-shirt that boldly stated "Long Live Cosplay!", and hi fived Hidan as she passed. That gesture sent Itachi deeper into the pool of confusion. "You see, after Lil' Raven left to find you, all our regulars started to come in. Obviously we weren't prepared to open for the day, but we couldn't turn them away! It would be like turning away a lost, wet, puppy – it's a hard thing to do! So Deidara came up with the idea of involving them all in the protest. After they heard the story of the café threatened to be taken down, they all willingly stepped up to help out."

"And that's why everything's gone chaotic?"

"Yep!" Hidan smiled and walked over to one of the many tables turned into a station for making either t-shirts or signs. He casually said hello to one of the regulars and took a finished shirt off the table. "I know the shirts aren't needed anymore, but I made sure to make this especially for you."

Itachi took the shirt and eyed it carefully. It was black – his favorite color – with bold red letters printed on the front that said: _"It takes a real man to wear a dress"_. Blatantly speaking… it was perfect. Itachi found himself chuckling at it all – the regulars helping out, the Cosplayers still protesting, and the shirt Hidan made just for him. It all seemed surreal. But really, what did he expect? This was his home after all. A dysfunctional, wacky, homosexually thriving, home. And he couldn't ask for anything more.

Itachi slipped on his t-shirt, fixing it here and there until it fit snuggly on his torso. His eyes scanned the commotion once more with a smile tugging the corner of his lips. He spotted his Cosplay members and called them over by his side. His family immediately fell in line, one by one, everyone shooting rapid fire questions faster than Itachi could answer them. And this is where the needed for tape became so persistent…

"I'll be able to answer all of your questions if everyone took five minutes to shut up." Once greeted with blissful silence, Itachi smirked and turned his attention to Hidan. "Hidan hand me a megaphone."

"Aye, aye Weasel-san!"

Moments later Itachi was standing on top of a table with the megaphone pressed against his lips. Everyone stopped what they were doing to hear the announce Itachi was about to make. It was at these times that Itachi felt absolutely powerful. Like he was king of the world and could ace everybody with just a killer smile!

"I never expected to see such a big turn out." He said. "Thank you everyone for coming out and helping us today. As owner of this café it pleases me to see such dedication and support from my customers." He could see a few blushes appear on people's faces and smiled. Flattery was his favorite weapon to use. "Now I know you all must be wondering about what will happen to this café."

Itachi paused for dramatic affect – because he was just that sort of person. He even lowered the megaphone a little and turned his head to the side, as if torn on whether or not he should give everyone the dreaded response. Collective gasps and even a few sobs erupted amongst the crowd and it took every ounce of willpower to hold back the teasing smirk that wanted to take over his face.

"Weasel-san, stop being a bastard and tell them the good news already!"

And there Hidan goes. Ruined the dramatic moment Itachi worked so hard to build.

Itachi shot an evil glare towards his boyfriend, who ignored it and blew him a kiss instead. Adorable, yes, but annoying nonetheless. "Well… I'm sure you can all figure out what I'm going to say next." Itachi bent down to pick up one of the many picket signs strewn around the room. He raised it up high and screamed into the megaphone. "Long live Cosplay!"

"Long live Cosplay!"

What a beautiful moment, although it sounded more like a cult group than anything else…

+Akatsuki Cosplay Café+

The next day Naruto and Sasuke entered the café fully bursting at the seams. Everywhere you looked there were gorgeous men giving out fanservice like it was Christmas all over again. Naruto let out a low whistle at all the hustle and bustle. This was the most packed Naruto had seen this place in _months_.

'Great, that means twice as many people looking for fanservice…' Naruto hung his head; an imaginary storm cloud perched above ready to rain on his parade. 'Eff my life.'

"Ah!" Deidara appeared out of nowhere with a humongous smile on his face. He was bouncing on the balls of his feet and Naruto had to remind himself that tiptoeing around didn't mean you had to pee really badly. "Blondie, Lil' Raven, about fucking time you two got here!"

"We were caught up." Sasuke replied slyly. Hm, what exactly could the two have been caught up in…? Don't think too long about it.

Deidara merely waggled his eyebrows. Oh how he loved sexual innuendoes! He flashed a wink Naruto's way and nudged him in the ribs with his elbows. "That's hot! Next time tell me you when you guys are gonna fuck. Sari and I want to be there to watch!"

"Yeah, sure, you can totally watch Sasuke bang my brains out. No problem, Deidara." Naruto replied sarcastically.

"Yes!" Obviously Deidara was oblivious to sarcasm. "But enough about your sex lives. We can talk about that later." Naruto and Sasuke blanched at the statement. They _really _didn't want Deidara corrupting their sexual lives anymore than he had to. "I came to tell you guys that we're closing up shop early today."

"Eh?" Naruto raised an eyebrow. "What for?"

"Photo shoot!" Deidara cheered. Naruto and Sasuke both held fish faces. You know, that wide-eyed, mouth gaping, look that fishes always have. Yeah… that's the look.

"We're doing a photo shoot?" Sasuke asked.

"Did I stutter?" when Deidara got nothing but head shakes he continued. "That's what I thought. It was Tachi's idea. He said since we're probably going to get more costumers now after the whole protest thing that we should start broadening our horizons. Or some shit like that."

"That actually sounds sort of… fun." Images of posing in front of a camera in stylish clothing flooded the blonde's mind. He could see it now! He'd be in the most fashionable clothes with a camera man taking a million and more pictures of him. A dazzling smile and killer blue eyes; he'd be the talk of the town!

You have to love Naruto's delusions. They're so cute.

"Glad to hear it!" the taller blonde grinned insanely and whipped out two sets of costumes. "Now put these on and go entertain some Panties! They're really vicious today."

Sasuke took the costume with a frown on his face. Was that leather he felt hiding in the plastic bag? Sasuke sighed, feeling his very thin strands ready to snap. "Lovely. The vicious types are my favorite."

"Oh what a coinky dink! They're mine too!"

Of course they are, Deidara.

+Akatsuki Cosplay Café+

With the shop finally closed, it gave all the Cosplay members some time to breathe and unwind. Today was a much more pressing day than either of them had anticipated. Day in and day out the café was swarmed with customers trying to grab exclusive one-on-one time with the Cosplay members. Granted, they loved all the business they were getting. But there was only so much of an obsessed fan they could take before one of them snapped.

Kiba was the first one to go.

"Fuck that was horrible!" Kiba wiped off the last bits of cream still left on his body. He felt like a human dessert platter. And, although it was a very small part, he would have to say that he was starting to find cream… a turn on. Yeah, don't ask how that happens. "I think I've been licked clean about thirty times today!"

"Well at least you don't have to worry about a shower." Naruto joked, slipping out of his own costume which wasn't as bad as previous ones. For once he actually had an outfit that matched his gender. A plain, white suit matched with a bright blue dress shirt.

"Very funny, Uzumaki." Kiba spat, throwing on his plain white tee while he searched for his pants.

"Cute boxers, Inuzaka-san," Tobi purred. His eyes took their dandy time dancing along Kiba's body, engraving every detail of that delicious booty into memory. It's always the masked ones that are the real perverts…

"Tobi, please try your best to calm down your hormones until after the photo shoot." Itachi whipped out his cell phone and started to punch in the numbers for the camera man.

"After the shoot I get to attack Inuzaka-san, right?"

"Naturally," Itachi deadpanned, bringing the phone up to his ear. That was the sign that everyone had been effectively blocked out until further notice.

A few minutes later and everyone were rather bored waiting for the mysterious camera man to show up. Naruto and Sasuke were playing an intense game of tic-tac-toe. A game Naruto had absolutely no skill in whatsoever. Gaara and Sai were chatting idly in the corner. A casual sexual innuendo would be thrown here and there, but nothing too serious. Deidara and Sasori were well… you should all know by now the antics they get into when left alone for too long. Hidan was giving Itachi the devilish puppy eyes, and in return Itachi gave him a very hefty blow job. In the privacy of their little corner located in the far back. Kisame was lighting up a cigarette and Zetsu was smacking said cancer stick out of Kisame's mouth. But of course Kisame just lit a new one and ignored Zetsu's warnings. And Tobi was using Kiba as his own personal taste tester.

It couldn't have gotten any more boring than that until the man of the hour kicked down the doors in all his flamboyant glory.

"You no longer have to worry folks! Jiraya-sama is here and I'm ready for action!"

Itachi popped out from his magical corner of sexual escapades and wiped off the traces of Hidan's essence from his lips with the back of his hand. "About time you arrived, Jiraya. I was getting worried that you wouldn't come."

"I'm a tad astonished that you would think I wouldn't keep my appointment!" Jiraya huffed and started to set up his equipment. His beautiful camera was positioned on its throne – a black tripod. However he wasn't in any real position to talk seeing as he was thirty minutes late for his appointment. But really, who's keeping track of such pointless details?

"Well, when you're half an hour late for their scheduled appointment, you start to cause some worry." Itachi replied coolly. Oh, so he's the type of person that kept track of pointless details. Who knew?

"Oh don't glare at me like that!" the elderly photographer laughed wholeheartedly. He even went as far as patting Itachi on the back he was in that much of a good move. Unfortunately for Jiraya, he had no idea how much Itachi hated casual contact from acquaintances.

Itachi glared at the imposing hand, willing it to spontaneously combust. Sadly, no such thing happened. "Can we move along now? I don't want to waste anymore time than absolutely necessary on this photo shoot."

Jiraya pouted. Obviously the hint that Itachi wasn't a big fan of human contact was finally getting to him. He raised his hands in surrender and went for his camera. "Right, I get it. Let's get started!"

About time they started.

+Akatsuki Cosplay Café+

"Alright, so for this next shot I envisioned a whole twin theme." Jiraya talked as he walked, both his fingers pointing out like guns to form a square-like frame around his eye. He was currently examining Itachi, Sasuke, and Sai, Deidara and Naruto, and Sasori and Gaara. It was a bit of a stretch, since he was only grouping them by their hair color or other physical attributes. But this was his vision! He had literally spent a whole hour and forty-five minutes coming up with themes for the photo shoot. And damn it, he was going to make sure everything came out as planned! What wonderful conviction to have!

"Keep going…" Itachi's interest was perked. That was always a good thing.

"I was thinking we'd do a series of ten shots per group in various poses. A few bromance will be sprinkled here and there, but mostly we're trying to centre the theme on twins and the allure of it all."

Itachi nodded. The idea sounded good so far. Or maybe it was because the photographer used the word _bromance _and that got Itachi all the more hooked. _Bromance _was a good word indeed.

"And the other four themes I've talked about will be used, correct?" the magazine was going to be split up in five sections. Each section would have around four to six pages of the groups' best shots from the shoot. They'd be blown up, airbrushed, Photoshopped – the works. Itachi was even willing to throw a mini-section giving details on each outfit and a sixth section with mini bios on each Cosplay member. Of course the fifth section wouldn't come for _free_! Free was a word Itachi didn't like to associate it. Hence, it was forever banned from his immense vocabulary.

Jiraya nodded and stopped to take a swig of his water. Damn he loved that stuff! "No worries, Itachi." He said after he finished sipping his drink. "Leave everything to me. I know what I'm doing." With that, he tipped his imaginary hat and walked back over to his camera to start the shoot. Jiraya was the best in his league, Itachi knew that very well. But he couldn't help that worry that the photo shoot wouldn't go on without _something_ disastrous happening.

"Oi, Aniki!" Sasuke called from his spot on the plush bed sprinkled with rose petals. You could tell the bed cost a fortune!

Itachi gracefully walked over to the photo area and allowed the photographer to work his magic. The first few poses involved Sasuke and Sai holding on to each other intimately – much to Sasuke's displeasure – with Itachi standing close behind as if he had walked in on them. The next few were group shots of the three showing off their sexual prowess. Jiraya truly was a genius with his skills, and Itachi had no doubt in his mind that this photo shoot was going to turn out in to a huge success.

Next up were Deidara and Naruto. Deidara was more than happy to sexually flaunt himself in front of a camera! Naruto was pretty pumped too. Even knowing that he'd have to act kinky with Deidara couldn't damper his mood at the moment!

"Just tell me what to do, Jiraya!" Naruto hollered.

"Loving the enthusiasm, kid," Jiraya threw a lazy thumbs up from behind the camera before turning back into serious mode. "Okay. So I need tall blondie over there to sit on the chair with his legs crossed and his head resting in his palm. Like a mafia boss would if he were sitting through something entertaining. Yeah, that's it! Good. Now Chibi Blonde, go stand over and act like you're about to whisper a secret in his ear." Jiraya smiled from behind the camera as the two instantly fell into position. Naruto was a natural, and the camera loved it. "Now look here… and good! Great shots you guys. Now lets head on to the next pose."

After Deidara and Naruto were finished, it was finally Sasori's and Gaara's turns. Jiraya instantly thought of the words S&M the minute he spotted our lovely redheads. Needless to say, their photo shoot involved a lot of chains and whips.

"Excellent shots so far. If I do say so myself," Jiraya chuckled as he leafed through his photos once more. 'It's no wonder people pay to see these people. Damn good looking.' He looked up from his camera while everyone was idly sitting by chatting or changing and said, "We'll take a break and resume shooting later. We still have four more sections to get through before we can call it a day."

Naruto rubbed his spotted eyes. 'If I see one more camera flash I'm going to go blind!' Sasuke walked up a few seconds later with a bottle in hand and a small smile on his face.

"Here you go."

"Thank you." Naruto gratefully slurped down the water for all it was worth. Maybe he wouldn't pursue to be a model after all. It was way too tiring and all the camera flashes were giving him a headache. 'Nah… I like the spotlight after all.' He thought with a wry smile and continued sipping his drink.

Ten minutes later and Jiraya called everyone off break. The rest of the photo shoot went on without a hitch. Of course that didn't mean people weren't getting groped every chance they got.

First we have Sasori and Deidara.

"Ah! Yes, Sari!" Deidara's face was the poster child for ecstasy as he straddled Sasori's hips with his hands fisted in the redhead's hair. Sasori had one hand groping Deidara's firm buttocks and the other hand snaked up Deidara's shirt – which exposed a lot of delicious skin – fishing for a nipple.

Then there was Kisame and Zetsu.

"Fuck," Zetsu whispered hotly and smashed his lips against Kisame's. He wrapped one leg around the man's hips and ground his hips upward. Moans were eaten and lost as their tongues twirled and danced against each other.

After that we had Itachi and Kisame.

Hidan had his head thrown back against the wall, eyes closed and hands fisted in Itachi's hair as the older raven bent down to play with the zipper of his extremely tights jeans. Itachi was purposefully running a naughty finger up and down the man's noticeable bulge just to tease him. And damn it… he absolutely loved it!

"God, you're such a tease!"

Next were Tobi and Kiba.

Kiba was placed on a dining table, and he was the main dessert! Cakes and various fruits were scattered around his body. Dobs of whip cream were placed on his nipples, and a red bow was tied around his manhood. Needless to say, Tobi wanted to fuck the boy right there and then. Instead, for the sake of the photo shoot he stuck to sensually licking off the whip cream as teasingly as possible.

"Bon appetite."

And of course we have Sai and Gaara!

Gaara had Sai pinned up against a wall, one hand used to trap Sai's hands from moving anywhere, and another hand supposedly in the raven's pants. His eyes were clouded with a predatory need to devour Sai right there. The raven was making the most erotic face he'd ever seen.

But alas, no sex for Gaara until _after _the shoot.

And finally, last but certainly not least, Sasuke and Naruto!

The two were the only ones posing naked for their shots. Naruto was sprawled on the bed, Sasuke hovering over top up him gently easing his leg up to his shoulder. The raven moved his head to place a loving kiss on the tender skin. The loving kiss turned into a loving bite as he sunk his teeth into the flesh, lapping and sucking on it until there was a reasonably sized bruise.

Naruto moaned, feeling his member harden with each caress and kiss. Sasuke was literally driving him insane! And Naruto couldn't deny that he liked every moment of it…

Acting purely on instinct, the blonde wrapped his arms around Sasuke's neck and pulled the raven in. He slid his tongue up from the jaw, all the way to the lips before he plunged his tongue inside of Sasuke's mouth; completely ravaging it.

Needless to say, after the photo shoot was over Jiraya had a very prominent nose bleed and a boner to take care of.

… It happens.

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Hope you all enjoyed! Reviews would be amazing! They give me energy 8D!

**Next time on ACC: Happy Birthday! You'll never guess who's birthday it is ;D. Or perhaps you would like to see your favorite character have a wonderfully hilarious birthday party thrown for them by the Cosplay members! Anything can and will happen :].**

Till next time :D!


	31. Happy Birthday, Mr Snuggles

Thank you to everyone who has reviewed and added this story to their favs and alerts :3. I'm feeling the love people!

Now this chapter is mainly a fluffy filler for PeinxMinato. Before you flame me on this saying "WTH! They would never go together!" I **know** that. But this is my story, and my mind is warped 8D. And so, by some ridiculous stroke of fate, Minato and Pein are paired :D.

OH! Important news! So I've found a way to make this story slightly longer. I was looking at my old plot line for Akatsuki Cosplay Cafe and I realized I was going to have the characters make a movie since their popularity was growing. I couldn't drop the idea! So I'm going to make that into a chapter, or more than one chapter depending on the length. So this is where you guys come in!

**Please, if you have any ideas, send in a plot for a movie the Cosplay Members would be in. It can be sexual, funny, dramatic, thriller, action, whatever you come up with! I'll pick the best idea, or use a mixture of all of them, and give credit to the people who sent in their ideas :]**

**ONE MORE THING! Sorry **Musicgirl1796 **I forgot to mention that you drew fan art for this story D: There's a drawing of Naruto in a Lolita dress and I'll have the link to the picture located on my profile if you'd like to check it out. **Thank you once again, Musicgirl :D. LOTS OF LOVE, MY FRIEND.

Now on to the story :D.

**Minor warning** - there's a crack. :P

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**Akatsuki Cosplay Café**

**Chapter Thirty-One: Happy Birthday, Mr. Snuggles**

Like every other morning, Mr. Snuggles was tucked in the crook of Pein's arm, snuggled up against the older man's chest. As with any morning, Pein awoke to a stomach craving for a plate of cookies and a glass of milk. But today something was different. Not an apocalyptic difference – that would be truly insane for this story. Rather, it was a difference that left Pein smiling and a figurative rainbow to pop over his head.

Now you may be wondering: "What the hell makes today so different from the rest?" Well check out the title of this chapter and you shall know your answers.

Pein looked over to his side, a smile reserved for the two people in his life that truly mattered and rubbed Mr. Snuggles head fondly. "Do you know what today is?" he teased. "Of course you do. It's your birthday. I hope Mina-chan comes to visit…"

Rubbing the sleep out of his eyes, Pein kicked off the covers and made his way over to the bathroom for a quick shower and spruce up. Today was the big day; Mr. Snuggles nineteenth birthday. He was becoming such an old rabbit and you could tell he was rather aged because of the torn ears and scuff marks but Pein loved that bunny like he loved his cookies.

And we all know how much Pein loves his cookies.

**Oh No! A Crack!**

Fallen: HAPPY BIRTHDAY MR. SNUGGLES!

Mr. Snuggles: Thank you. Now get back to the story, she-beast.

Fallen: What the hell! You over stuffed bunny, I was trying to be nice to you!

Mr. Snuggles: No. You were using this as an excuse to break the wall.

Fallen: … I've been find out so easily? Oh shit! – disappears in a cloud of smoke –

Mr. Snuggles: … Idiot.

**Up You Go.**

Fully dressed in a pair of loose jeans and a black t-shirt, Pein went for Mr. Snuggles on the bed and placed him on his shoulders. Then, he covered the bunny's eyes to hide him from the surprise downstairs. Mr. Snuggles loved his surprises just as much as he loved his daily Asian drama. The two made their way down the stairs and into the kitchen. It wasn't too large, fairly sized with necessities. There was fridge, a stove, a kitchen, a dining table, and a window that gave the perfect view of the city outside. Pein smirked devilishly; he had been waiting for this day ever since the beginning of March rolled around. He had planned everything for the bunny. From the beginning of the day all the way until the stars came out in the sky. Mr. Snuggles was, and always will be, his best friend no matter how people viewed him as insane. The bunny had been the life line that connected him to Mina-chan. He also confided all his deep, dark secrets to the stuffed bunny. Mr. Snuggles knew his heart aches and his pleasures, and that made the bunny all the more special.

His favorite carrot cake was sitting on the table with the words "Happy Birthday!" written in orange icing. On top of the cake was an edible bunny figurine. It had taken Pein forever to find one but it was all worth it in the end. He had also taken it upon himself to decorate the table in festive, Easter colors. Mr. Snuggles loved Easter, surprisingly enough.

Now all he needed was for the party guests to arrive.

"And hopefully Mina-chan can come too. Wouldn't that be great?" Pein nodded to the silence Mr. Snuggles answered him with. "He said he'd try to make it, but knowing Mina-chan he'll probably be late… again."

Pein exited the kitchen, since if he stared at the cake any longer he'd be tempted to pounce on it like a sexually driven teenager, and entered the living room where most of the party would be held. He placed Mr. Snuggles on the couch and flipped on the TV for him. There were still some last minute decorations that needed to be placed around the room so Pein went right to it.

Isn't it cute seeing a fully grown man decorate for a stuffed bunny's birthday? Some may claim Pein to be insane – they wouldn't be off the mark – and others find that side of him rather endearing.

As Pein was working on stringing the birthday banner from one end of the room to the next, the door bell rang. He had gotten it modified so every time the buzzer was pressed a nice little chime played around the house. It was soothing, and calm, just like Pein.

The orange-haired man sighed and stepped down from his chair. "I'll be right back." He told the bunny and went for the front door. His heartbeat jumped around and did the Macarena with every step he took towards the door. He wanted Mina-chan to be the person standing at the door, but sadly Fate just wanted to kick him in the shins and laugh as disappointment flooded his system.

It was Itachi and Hidan standing at the door with a less-than-happy Naruto and Sasuke behind them.

"Hola, Pein!" Hidan yelled happily and vaulted himself at the man. Pein, with his ninja-like reflexes, stepped to the side and evaded the attack. Hidan landed painfully on the ground, swearing in a language that was completely foreign to everyone else's ears.

"Hidan, I told you to control yourself today." Itachi shook his head and flashed an apologetic smile towards his worker. "Sorry, I should have brought the leash."

Pein shook his head, a small smile curling on his lips. "It's fine. I don't think a leash could hold him back. Come on in." Hidan stepped aside and allowed the three men to step in. He didn't miss the look of annoyance that was plainly etched on Naruto's face and since he was always curious, he asked what the hell crawled up the blonde's ass and died.

"These freaking assholes woke me up at six in the morning for this shit!" Naruto threw his hands in the air like the whole world was coming to an end. Or perhaps it was just _his _world that was slowly crashing and he had to make a scene about it? "God did not make me to wake up at six a.m. do you hear me? Six a.m. is for the fucking roosters!"

"Stop bitching, Dobe." Sasuke swatted Naruto on the back of the head. He wasn't too happy to have arrived at the party so early, but Itachi had insisted that the four of them go to help Pein set up for the party. At first he was okay with it. He liked Pein and if it was his birthday he'd be happy to help out. That quickly swirled down the crapper once Itachi told him that it wasMr. Snuggles' birthday and not Pein's.

Let's just say that Sasuke said some words that could make a grown sailor blush. Enough said.

Naruto scowled and rubbed the back of his throbbing head. It took every ounce of his willpower not to pounce on Sasuke and beat the living shit out of him. Common sense and the fact that Sasuke would ignore his sexual urges for a weak stopped him from doing something so foolish. Good, Naruto's learning.

"I was not bitching!" Although he still had a back talking issue to handle.

"It sounded a lot like bitching to me." Itachi added in coolly. He had the very important job of littering the floor with silly string. Why was he doing such a job? For Mr. Snuggles of course, for the bunny absolutely loved his silly string.

Hidan was picking up where Pein had left off and hung the banner that proudly read "Happy Birthday Mr. Snuggles!" It was plain, simple, and to the point with the exception of the glamour shot of Mr. Snuggles that was splashed as the background with the pink words on top of the image. Mr. Snuggles was strangely photogenic. Who would have thought?

Pein merely stood on the sidelines watching Naruto and Sasuke go back and forth with their insults. It was like watching a tennis match to him. Naruto would serve and insult and smash it into Sasuke's court, where Sasuke would return the serve with his own powerful shot and own Naruto. Pein had all his money on Sasuke winning this battle of insults and so far he was proving to be very lucky.

The doorbell rung again, the faint sound of chimes dancing in the air, and Pein felt his heartbeat start to go crazy again. This one had to be Mina-chan! Fate couldn't be cruel and deny him a second time.

Pein ran up to the door and flung it open, ready to attack Mina-chan with a hug only to realize it was Sasori and Deidara with a bag of presents in their hands. The orange-haired man sighed and didn't even bother asking what was in the bag. Reasoning told him that if it came from Sasori and Deidara the gift was most likely sexually in some way or form.

"Come on in." Pein's voice was about as bland as tofu as he gestured the two sex bunnies into his home.

Deidara bounded in with a crazy grin on his face. He loved Pein's apartment to the fullest because there were so many places he could imagine Sasori fucking him at! The love seat across from the TV had the right amount of cushioning to give their hip thrusts and extra bounce. The coffee table was obviously the spot they would use when they were too horny to make it to the bed. And don't even get Deidara started on the lush carpet!

"Stop looking at my living room for places to fuck and place Mr. Snuggles present in the kitchen." Pein's voice was as smooth like river and cold as ice.

If Deidara wasn't currently in love with sex bunny number two, the older blonde would have pounced on Pein and fucked his brains out. But Deidara was happily in love with Sasori, and everyone (well, almost) knew that Pein had a childhood crush on Mina-chan. Hence, he placed the present in the kitchen as he was told and pounced on Sasori instead.

No worries though, Sasori and Deidara didn't actually fuck.

Soon everything was decorated and most of the Cosplay members were at the party having a good time. Pein had set up the DDR and Wii systems up for some friendly competition between workers. Surprisingly enough it came down to Kisame and Gaara fighting it up for the glorious title of DDR King.

Despite all the good vibes that were floating around the room, Pein wasn't happy. And he wouldn't be happy until he saw Mina-chan step through his door. He knew he shouldn't be waiting around the entrance, heart beating frantically in his chest, as he waited for the blonde man to appear. It wasn't right to Mr. Snuggles at all. It was his best friend's special day and he was wasting it waiting for a man he didn't even know if he'd see again.

"I shouldn't be doing this." He berated himself as his eyes watched the party unfold before him. Gaara was kicking Kisame's ass badly at DDR and the blue-faced man could only stumble on his feet like the loser he was. Pein couldn't help but chuckle as Gaara held an emotionless mask the whole time. His movements on the dance mat were absolutely flawless like he was a pro dancer while Kisame was heaving and panting, barely hitting the right arrows.

Oh how Pein couldn't _wait _to tease the man about his lack of skills in DDR.

"Winner, Player One!" the game announced and cheers erupted around the room.

"Yah just got lucky, kid." Kisame snorted and whipped out a cigarette, only to have it taken away by a stern-looking Pein.

"No smoking in my apartment." Was all he said before he snubbed out the cancer stick and tossed it in a nearby ashtray.

"Prick," Kisame muttered but Pein heard it loud and clear. He refused to lash out simply because Kisame always had a stick up his ass whenever he lost to someone, especially if that someone was younger than him by years and owned his ass severely at a video game.

"So when are we gonna get cake?" Naruto perked up from his spot on Sasuke's lap. He was easily bested on the first round of their DDR competition and found refuge in dousing half a pack of sprite. His nerves were frying and he could feel wave after wave of a sugar rush crashing through him.

Sasuke shook his head and wrapped both his arms tightly around Naruto's waist. A hyper Naruto was an annoyingly destructive Naruto and he did _not _want to deal with the consequences of his boyfriend's actions. "Behave yourself, Dobe." Sasuke harshly whispered.

"But I'm fucking hungry! Do you hear that, Teme? That's the sound of a deprived stomach! Don't tell me the cake is a lie!"

"Pein please shut this boy up and bring out the cake." Sasuke rarely ever pleaded. But Naruto was pushing the wrong buttons right now and Sasuke didn't know how much of it he could take before his nerves snapped.

"Fine," Pein stepped away from the doorway and headed over to the kitchen. Everyone followed him like baby ducklings would follow their mother. Pein had Mr. Snuggles grasped tightly in his arms before setting him on top of the table. The Cosplay members gathered around the table and started to sing a very loud, very obnoxious, and not even correctly pitched, Happy Birthday. Then out of nowhere Hidan broke out in German and Deidara threw in a little rap that left everyone laughing in the end.

"Hurry up and cut the cake!" Deidara hollered. The cake looked freaking delicious and he couldn't wait to lick the icing sensually off his fork…

Yeah, Naruto was a weird one.

"I'll cut the cake for you." Pein told Mr. Snuggles and went for the knife next to the cake. With a clean, swift cut the first slice of the cake was placed on a plate. "First come first served."

Pein did the smart thing and backed away from the table as the Cosplay members – minus Itachi, Gaara, Sasori, and Sasuke – make a lunge for the cake. He was surprised when the cake came out unharmed and in the hands of no one other than Sai while everyone else looked like they had fought for that cake through Hell and back.

"Mmm," Sai moaned. And just for the hell of it he swirled his tongue around a dollop of icing that was on his finger to add fuel to the fire. "Delicious," he purred.

"Slice the next piece of cake!" Naruto had his sleeves rolled up, determination to win the next piece of cake etched on his face.

Leave it to the Cosplay members to turn something as simple as cutting cake into a war.

+Akatsuki Cosplay Café+

After the members had left it was just Mr. Snuggles and Pein left alone in their apartment. The whole day had passed, the moon coming out to play in the sky with the stars, and not one word from Mina-chan.

"What did I expect?" Pein sighed, slipping further and further down into his seat. "Mina-chan's a busy man. There's no way he'd stop by…" he turned his head to the side and smiled sadly, scooping his loyal friend in his arms and placed a gentle kiss on top of the bunny's head. "I'm sorry I was so out of it today. Forgive me?"

Before Mr. Snuggles to give his normal answer of silence, that familiar chime rang through Pein's ears once again. Pein didn't want to get his hopes and expectations up again only to have them deflated. His heart yearned for that person to be Mina-chan on the other side, not some Cosplay member that left their shit at his house. Should he give into his heart and find out who was standing at the door? Or just sit on the couch and wait for the person to go away?

Option Two flew out the window rather fast since the person at the door wouldn't stop pressing the doorbell.

Sighing, Pein lifted himself off the couch and walked to the door. His hands were shaking as they went to grip on the door knob. He felt like time had slowed down to a turtle's pace as he turned the knob, opening the door crack by crack…

"Stop fooling around and open the damn door already."

"Mina-chan!" Pein screamed and jumped the blonde where he stood. The two were tangled in arms and legs but Pein didn't care. He latched himself onto Minato's waist, never letting go. He wouldn't let go. Not this time. Every time Minato came back, Pein was too scared to hang onto him. What was the point of holding on to something if it always ended up leaving you? But not this time, this time was different. Pein would hold on so tightly, Minato would never think of leaving him again.

"I see I was missed." Minato smiled and rubbed an affectionate hair through Pein's spiky, orange locks. He still wondered why Pein made such a drastic change to his appearance, but he was never the type of man to pry deeply into someone's personal life. Naruto was the only exception since he was his flesh and blood, of course.

With Pein he always approached things delicately but firmly – a contradiction at its best. Minato knew of Pein's troubled past, hell he was there most of the time whenever the kid was on the verge of breaking down. So he knew what subjects to press and what matters to leave alone until Pein felt comfortable talking about it himself.

"I thought you weren't coming…" Pein mumbled, snuggling himself deeply into Minato's chest.

Poor Mr. Snuggles was caught between their chests too…

"Sorry. Traffic was a bitch today. But I'm here now." Minato pushed Pein off of him, only to have the orange-haired man latch onto his waist once both men were upright. Chuckling, Minato leaned forward and placed a sweet kiss on Pein's forehead. "How about we go inside? I hope you saved me a piece of cake left, Mr. Snuggles or else you don't get your present!"

Pein chuckled and led the Minato into the kitchen. Of course they saved a piece for Minato mostly because the blonde would have bitched for hours about not getting a slice.

"Present first. Then you can eat cake." Pein said with a smirk on his face.

Minato pouted, groaning playfully, and reached into his back pocket for his present. "Now before you freak out, I actually got _two _presents. One for Mr. Snuggles… and one for you."

"I told you not to get me anything this time!"

"I couldn't help myself! Besides, I think you'll like it. But first, the bunny's gift." Minato rummaged through the small-sized gift bag and pulled out a collar with a bell on it. Smiling, Minato walked up to the birthday bunny and placed the collar around his neck. He stepped back to admire his work with a whistle. "I have good taste, don't I?"

"It's nice." Pein admitted. "Now what about my gift?"

"Always impatient." Minato chuckled. He was glad to see that that part of Pein hadn't changed. Taking Pein by the hand, Minato led the orange-haired man to the living room and set him on the love seat. "Close your eyes." He commanded and Pein obediently followed.

Pein felt a rush of nervousness attack his heart. What exactly could Mina-chan have given him that he had to close his eyes? The stubborn child in him wanted to open his eyes, but the stern adult told him otherwise. Pein felt a cool sensation touch his finger, and the touch of Minato's fingers sliding that cool sensation downwards. The orange-haired man shivered – he loved it when Minato touched him.

"Alright. Open your eyes now."

Pein gasped as he looked at the metal band wrapped around his fingers. It was a simple, silver ring with the engravings "I love you". Hope surged through Pein of the meaning of his gift, and it reflected in his eyes and he stared up at Mina-chan.

"Does this mean what I think it means?" Pein asked in a whisper.

Minato nodded and cupped Pein's chin in his hand. His thumb gently stroked the man's cheek as he stared adoringly into Pein's abnormal yet beautiful ringed eyes. "I've decided to stay in Japan for a while. I can't stand seeing your face contort in pain every time I have to leave again. So… if you would accept… I'd like us to live together while I stay in Japan." Minato smiled brightly, "Just you, me, and Mr. Snuggles together like we've always wanted."

Pein couldn't believe his ears. He couldn't believe his eyes. And he sure as hell couldn't believe that Minato was actually asking if they could live together. Be together. Like he had always dreamed his about.

"But what about your wife?"

"We've been divorced for a few years now."

"And Naruto? Does he know your staying?"

Minato smiled evilly, "He will soon."

Tears ran down Pein's face as he clutched onto Minato's neck tightly, feeling the man's arms slide around his waist. He pulled back enough for Minato to kiss him – sweet and simple. The sweetness of their kiss didn't last for long as their tongues started to battle for dominance. Minato had pushed Pein back on the couch, easily mounting him, making quick work of the man's clothes until he was naked for Minato's personal enjoyment.

Let's just say that Deidara's theory on the love seat giving an extra bounce to their hip thrusts was totally plausible.

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Minato you devilish charmer you! Where there you have it folks! Don't forget to check out Musicgirl's pic. The link shall be on my profile of wonders :o. Also don't forget to send in plots for their movie next chapter :3.

And never forget to review :]. You guys get me so pumped, yo!

Till next time :']. No need to tell you about next chapter because you all know now xD. Hahahaha... ha.


	32. To The Drawing Board

Okay! So I decided to upload this chapter a tad bit earlier because this is a filler for the next chapter o: That's right everyone! The long awaited movie! Now if you still have ideas, or you want to send in quotes you'd like to see the characters say, do not hesitate to send it in. I'm working on it as we speak o: I should have it done by tomorrow if I kick my ass into gear.

**Oh! **Before I forget to mention this. I had an idea pop up randomly in my head last night. I was thinking of doing a little drabble (or maybe oneshot o.o) for the Akatsuki Universe (HAHA. AU = AKATSUKI UNIVERSE NOW 8D). Because I had these _awesome _situations to place the characters of this story in and I didn't want to just add on and on and on with this story with random fillers... So what do you all think. Would you like A drabbles collection featuring your favorite pairings ;D? Have any ideas you'd like to share? I was thinking of naming it The Cosplay Conspiracy... xD. 

I'm also being attacked by plot bunnies at the moment DX DOWN BUNNIES DOWN! 

So I got a flame from an anonymous viewer 8D. And I must say... You not only pump me up more to write this story, but you give me a wonderful fire pit to roast my marshmellows. So thank you :3.**  
**

**Warning: There should be some humor in this :o. I LOVE YOU RYAN HIGA! Sasuke is just bashing because he is jelly. Lmfao! Ummah. Naruto is abused - not physically, but comically. There's a crack somewhere over the rainbow... way up high. I'm currently babbling in this warning so I should hurry up with the disclaimer.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own nigahiga (I wish) I just mention them. AND I do not own Naruto. I do own the word Teehee BANDamonium though ;D.**

Enjoy!**  
**

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**Akatsuki Cosplay Café**

**Chapter Thirty-Two: To The Drawing Board  
**

Sasuke had a face that could make even the Devil whimper in the corner in absolute _fear_. Okay, maybe it wasn't that intense, but you all get the point. Either way, Sasuke's face was one sight to behold. His normally placid, onyx eyes were gleaming with mischief because he had something behind his back! And his lips… those gorgeous lips that devoured every inch of Naruto were slapped in a silly smirk that looked like the raven had one hell of a surprise for his blonde boyfriend.

'Naruto's going to love this.' It all depends on what's in the bag, though. Smirk intensifying like the sun on a freakishly hot day, Sasuke fished for his keys that he had gotten Naruto to make for him and opened the door to his blonde's apartment. The smell of unwashed clothing, empty ramen cups, and the sorry attempts of a Glade air freshener attacked Sasuke's nostrils. It took all of Sasuke's willpower not to throw up in a random corner of the house. For one, the last time he did that Naruto almost beat his ass. _Almost_. And secondly Sasuke really didn't want to dry heave in a corner that was probably stuffed with dirty laundry and empty cartons of ramen.

He loved Naruto. He really did. But the boy was such a slob it was almost a turn off. Almost…

"Naruto! I hope you finally didn't die in your own filth." Sasuke cried out. "Then I wouldn't be able to give you your present!"

The only sound Sasuke got in return was laughter. The type of laughter that had your sides hurting, your lips set in a grin for the rest of the day, and your mood instantly brightened. Shaking his head, Sasuke trudged through the filth and grime of Naruto's apartment – making a mental note to go Nazi on the blonde's ass to clean up his shit – and trekked up the stairs. On his way up, Sasuke couldn't help to remember that one time both him and Naruto were too horny to reach the bedroom so they fucked on the stairs.

It was quite a rush. And Sasuke made another mental note to do that again sometime.

**Crack!**

Fallen: Sasuke… I never knew you could be so…

Sasuke: So amazingly sexy? –raises eyebrow-

Fallen: No. So freaking kinky. Like seriously? Fucking on the stairs? What the hell man?

Sasuke: -shrugs- It's your story, Fallen. So why are you bitching at me?

… Touché.

**Is Fixed**

"Dobe! Where the fuck are you!" follow the yellow brick road of laughter, Sasuke. You'll find your target. Soon enough, Sasuke found his blonde perched on his bed with his laptop on well… his lap.

Naruto, our current blondie on the spot, was watching his favorite YouTube channel, nigahiga. That Ryan Higa guy was hilarious! He was watching their most recent video on the Teehee bands for about the thirtieth time that day because he couldn't stop buying those amazing bracelets! About ten of them were on each arm and Naruto had already placed in another five orders of the things! To say the blonde was obsessed would have been one, fat, understatement.

Sasuke shook his head, trying to scrounge up reasons _why _he fell in love with such a simple-minded person. Then he smiled softly. It was Naruto's simple-mindedness that made him so utterly… adorable. Smirk proudly back in place – it was his trademark, you know – Sasuke finally decided to make himself known to the laughing blonde.

"Sitting at the laptop all morning can't be healthy."

Naruto didn't even look up from the screen. Instead he was presently abusing the reply button for all it was worth _while _posting yet _another _comment for the video. "I'm laughing, though. And they say that laughter is good for your health."

"You don't actually believe that, do you?" Sasuke raised an eyebrow. Naruto was the type of person that if you told them that there was actually a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow… he'd follow that rainbow until he found said pot. Naïve – yes. But that was another thing Sasuke loved about Naruto. So really, what can you do?

"I've been watching this video for seven days straight." Wow, that's a little sad when you think about it. Hopefully Naruto took breaks for the bathroom… or to eat. "And I haven't got sick once! So I'm pretty sure laughing is working its wonders."

"You're sad." Sasuke deadpanned, plopping himself beside Naruto. His curiosity _was _starting to peak, after all. Along with his jealousy. He wanted to see exactly what sort of video could hold onto Naruto's very short attention span for so long.

"Well. You're a bastard. So it evens out. Now shush, this is the best part!" Naruto started to burst out laughing when Ryan started to rhyme the possible affects of having a Teehee band. Sasuke simply snorted. Yeah, it was funny. But Sasuke was currently jealous at this Asian for stealing his man candy away! No one, and Sasuke meant no one, stole his man candy for one whole week! It just wasn't right.

"Are those the Teehee bands?" Sasuke pointed to the bands on the blonde's arms. And for the hell of it he threw his arm around Naruto's shoulder and pulled him in to nip on his ear. Let's see Naruto fight against that!

"Yeah, it is." Naruto muttered, barely affected by Sasuke's naughty passes and started to like all the comments he found funny. "It's Teehee BANDamonium! Hahaha! I love that. I'm totally going to start using that."

"I can't believe this…" Sasuke muttered and did the smartest thing that had happened all day. He snapped Naruto's laptop shut and tossed it God-knows-where. A satisfied grin found its way unto his face when he heard the laptop smack against a wall. Good. Now he had Naruto's full attention. Or hatred. Whichever worked rather well for the raven at the moment? "I went out of my way to buy you a present. And what do you do? You ignore me."

"You bought me a present?" laptop instantly forgotten, Naruto's eyes gleamed in childlike wonder. Oh how he _loved _getting surprise gifts! It was like Christmas all over again. Except Sasuke wasn't Santa and he didn't have a thing for cookies and milk. "Tell me that earlier, Teme!"

"I did." Sasuke said straight-faced. "You weren't listening to me, though."

"Oh. So it's _my _fault now?"

"Yes." Oh, two deadpans in a row? Sasuke's on a fucking roll here!

"Bastard." Naruto thought he could deadpan too. But it wasn't as sexy as Sasuke's. Sticking his hands out, Naruto gestured for the raven to hand over the present. "C'mon, Sasuke! You know how impatient I get."

"And you know I'm difficult." Sasuke smirked and leaned in closer, his lips were just a breath's away from touching Naruto's. "I came all the way, hoping to get some love from you, and you turned me down for some guy on YouTube." The raven mock pouted, "I'm a tad offended."

Naruto rolled his eyes, though he had to admit he was happy Sasuke was claiming to be jealous. It took a lot of prodding to get the raven to confess to anything. Naruto smiled softly, a blush tainting his cheeks, as he closed the distance between their lips for a soft kiss that left both teens absolutely breathless.

"Love yah, Teme."

"Right back at you, Dobe."

"No! Say it right!"

"I thought I did." Do you hear that? That's the sound of a smirk forming ladies and gentlemen.

"You know what. I think I feel an urge to watch more nigahiga coming on." Naruto smirked devilish – a habit he had picked up from none other than the devil himself. That's right… Itachi Uchiha. A pleasure thrill rushed through him seeing Sasuke frown so openly, although it was a small one. It pleased Naruto, nonetheless.

Sasuke growled, placed his present on the bed, and grabbed Naruto by the collar for an even more passionate kiss where lots of tongues were involved. A few nips were placed here and there, followed by some delightful sucking that left Naruto's heart racing. When they parted, Sasuke's frown had turned into a small smile.

"Love you, Dobe."

Naruto could only nod. That's all he could really manage since he felt like his brain was slowly turning to mush as we speak.

"So about that present…" Sasuke handed the box wrapped in navy blue wrapping paper with a small bow placed on top. The raven was quite proud of his work, to be honest. Wrapping a box with paper was a difficult thing to do when you only have your fingers as scissors and a limited supply of tape!

Naruto, finally shaken out of his brain-turning-into-mush stupor, shook the present wildly. "Oh, it sounds heavy! What is it? Is it a box inside a box that has another box inside of it? Because I swear to God if that's what this is Sasuke I will—"

Sasuke effectively shut the blonde's tirade up by slamming his lips against the blonde's. It worked rather well.

"Will you open the box already? Jeez."

The blonde could only nod as he took a _very _long time to unwrap the present. Only to piss the raven off for the hell of it, because that's how Naruto rolled. After getting numerous death threats, growls, and warnings that there would be no sex for a week, Naruto finally ripped off the wrapping paper and tore into the box. What he saw nearly made the blonde squeal and jump on Sasuke for the biggest hug of his _life_.

"You bought me a camera?" Naruto hugged his boyfriend tighter. "It's amazing! I can't wait to try it out. Thank you so much!"

"It was nothing." There was a smile in Sasuke's voice as he returned the hug. The two didn't really part since Naruto found it more comfortable to sit in-between Sasuke's legs with his back pressing against the boy's chest as he toyed with his new camera. "Think of it as an early birthday present. Although I do have more..."

"Sasuke!" Naruto had rudely interrupted Sasuke as a brilliant idea popped into his head. Sasuke cocked an eyebrow, wondering what the hell could have gotten the blonde excited so fast. Well… other than _him _of course. But we all knew that. "We should make a movie!"

"Excuse me?"

"You know, a movie. Normally an hour or more in length. Features actors and actresses that portray fictional characters that are at the mercy of the screenwriters' devious plots."

"I know what a movie is Naruto. I just want to know why you want to make one."

Naruto scoffed. "Why not make one? We can even put it on YouTube and get famous!"

Sasuke rolled his eyes and wrapped his arms lazily around Naruto's stomach. There his blonde goes again. Once he has an idea popped into his head, he has to roll with it all the way down the hill. It was rather annoying. But he didn't have the heart to shoot Naruto down… yet.

"I'll pass on that."

"Jerk!" Naruto pouted, "You're doing this movie, Teme."

"What makes you think you can get me to do this movie of yours?"

"Because you love me."

Well… you can't really argue with that logic.

+Akatsuki Cosplay Café+

The café was as in its usual state of orchestrated chaos, proudly conducted by Itachi Uchiha himself. With his notebook of wonderful wonders, he went and appeased every female and male customer that entered to the shop. He felt like he was on Cloud 9 at the moment since everything bad in his life was finally settled. Orochimaru had moved out of his district, mortified that he had lost their competition. Fugaku – daddy dearest – finally accepted Itachi's wishes. And lastly, the newest vibrator that not only sent pleasurable vibrations up and down the man's spine, but was capable of growing in length and width as well! Itachi and Hidan had a joyride – literally – using that vibrator since it was so bloody expensive but so totally worth it.

So yeah, no one could really bring down Itachi's mood at the moment. Not even the random gropers that made a pass for his ass could tear him down!

"Oi! Either get your hand off of Weasel-san's ass or start learning how to write with your left hand." Hidan growled out, effectively pushing Itachi's groper out of the way. He spun Itachi around and shot him a pout of complete disbelief. "How could you let him touch you like that? Only _I _can make a grab at that deliciously round… tight… pert… Where was I going with this?"

"Idiot," Itachi muttered, but grinned nonetheless. He supposed if he was dating an idiot, he might as well go for the cute and puppy-like one.

"I'm your idiot! So it works out." Hidan grinned and wrapped two arms around Itachi's waist, pulling him flush against his chest. "By the way Deidara finally let me borrow his leather whip set…"

Itachi instantly perked up – in more ways then one – with the idea of being tied down to a bed, leather restraints tied around his wrists. Hidan whipping him mercilessly with a leather whip… It took all his willpower to _not _start drooling on the Cosplay floor! Smirking, Itachi grabbed Hidan by the arm and dragged him to our wonderful Cosplay Closet! Yes! It has not been forgotten! For a closet with that many kinky stuff can never _truly _disappear.

Just as the door to the Cosplay Closet shut – it didn't take a genius to figure out what Hidan and Itachi were going to get into – Naruto and Sasuke entered in with conflicting emotions. Naruto was practically bouncing up and down the freaking wall that no normal sugar rush could produce unless the candy was laced with drugs. And Sasuke was trying to act like the cold, indifferent bastard he was known and love for. Yeah, that pretty much failed because a smile was attempting to dominate his face. How could he not smile when his boyfriend was basically about to pee his pants in excitement over his gift? It did a lot to boost his ego.

"Kit-chan~" Deidara called over from his suggestive spot on Sasori. He was currently kneeling before the man with his mouth dangerously close to Sasori's zipper. What a turn on, eh? The insane blonde giggled, loving how the teens weren't even phased by their sexual antics anymore. Corruption for the win! "What's got your dick all excited?"

"Nice camera," Sasori pointed out, though you'd think he was rather indifferent since his voice lacked out any enthusiasm. But that's Sasori for you. "Any nude photos on there?"

"Oh my!" Deidara waggled his eyebrows and wagged his finger as if he were scolding his two naughty fingers. "Auntie Deidara does not approve at all! You can't just hide delicious goodies like that from the rest of us! There are no secrets in our family."

"You're the aunt?" Sasuke completely evaded Deidara's earlier comment about sharing any nude photos with skills like a ninja. There weren't even any nude photos to share! Sasuke didn't tell them that, though. Because for one, Naruto would be exploding in about five minutes denying the fact that there were nude photos. And two, the idea seemed rather promising now that Sasuke thought about it. Images of Naruto in different positions, naked, everything exposed…

Hormones drive people crazy.

"Of course!" Deidara seemed rather proud of himself and smiled smugly.

"So that makes Sasori the uncle?" Oh look! Sasuke's finally connecting the branches on their wacky family tree!

"Yep! I was thinking of making Kisa-chan the grandfather… but I don't know how well Zetsu would like being a grandmother…" Deidara pondered on this for a moment. A picture of the two sitting on rocking chairs and hanging out on their front porch randomly popped into his mind. The crazy blonde threw his head back in laughter at the thought. Well… Kisame _was _close to being senile. So perhaps being the grandfather wouldn't be too far off.

"If Kisame heard you say that you're going to get shot." Sasori deadpanned.

"Or worse! He'll try to attack me with the cane!" that sent Deidara into another round of laughter and even Sasori had to snort at that. Sasuke scoffed, not knowing what was worse. Kisame with a gun or Kisame with a cane? And Naruto was still fuming over the naked pictures comment before a brilliant idea popped in his head.

Ding! The light bulb has just gone off.

"I know what we can do the movie on!" Naruto piped up, his face illuminating like a thousand Christmas lights going off at once. A wonderful documentary on his crazy family! That's something totally different. Or even better, Mr. Snuggles as a secret agent! Naruto's mind was in a whir thinking of new plots for his kick ass movie.

Of course Itachi and Hidan chose this time to make their entrance, although there were obvious signs that the sexy duo had got in a few rounds before coming in. Itachi's hair was a tad wild – not well kept like Itachi usually had it. And he wore a smug smile that totally spoke "Yeah, I just got some. Be jealous." Hidan was grinning like a mad man from ear to ear. He had to use that leather whip set more often.

"What's this about a movie?" Itachi cocked an eyebrow as he idly tapped his pen against his notebook of wonders. His curiosity was peaked, that much was obvious. And if this movie could be used as a way to promote the café even further then well… Itachi was all for it.

"Teme bought me a camera! So I thought 'What the hell? Let's make a movie!' But Sasuke was being a bastard about it at first." Naruto answered, sending a pointed glare Sasuke's way. The raven merely shrugged it off. Naruto wasn't _that _intimidating. "I got him to agree, though. And now all of you guys can help out too."

"I don't see why not." Itachi shrugged almost nonchalantly. The gears were spinning madly in his head, though, about how well he could use this movie to his advantage. What a devilish thought indeed.

"Yes!" Naruto fist pumped the air. His dreams of becoming a YouTube celebrity were finally coming true!

"It's settled then." The older raven nodded. "Round up the others. Cosplay meeting in five minutes. Anyone that's more than a _second _late will be forced to wear a cock ring while dealing with an erection." With that said, Itachi gladly glided towards his office. Smirking, our resident "mother" knew that his threat surely struck fear into his workers heart. Or turned them on…

Well… whatever.

+Akatsuki Cosplay Café+

Itachi had the face of a war general going over battle plans on right now. A movie took a lot of planning and money to get together. Something that Itachi both had, but the money he had to use sparingly. He wasn't about to blow his budget on some half-assed money that doesn't make any profits. The man was no fool. Flipping to a crisp, new page and clicking his pen, Itachi was ready to start.

"Rapid fire ideas, go."

"Porn!" Deidara cried out from his spot on Sasori's lap. Sorry folks. Nothing suggestive was going on at the moment.

Kisame rolled his eyes and puffed out a cloud of smoke. "Is _everything _sex with you?"

The blonde actually looked mortified that Kisame would ask such a… a… _stupid _question like that! Deidara clutched his heart and chocked back a dramatic sob that wanted to rip out his mouth. "I can't believe you would ask such a thing! It's like you don't even know me at _all_." The blonde let out a fake wail and buried his head into the crook of Sasori's shoulder.

Sasori sighed. For appearance sake he sent a death glare towards Kisame's way, but the blue-faced man merely scoffed it away. Sometimes he wondered why Deidara didn't go into the acting field instead of Cosplay.

"Are you quite done, Deidara?" Itachi asked, a cold chill dipped his words in ice. This was not the time to be overly dramatic. The blonde should be saving his talent for the big screen.

"Hai~" Deidara replied lazily like he _didn't _just fake a breakdown.

"Good. Now about your suggestion; I admit that people would most likely suspect us to go the porn route. But think logically here. We show live porn basically everyday. If people really wanted to watch us at home, they would bring their own video cameras to tape us. We need something more… out there. Something they wouldn't suspect."

"We could dress up like American Superheroes." Sai raised his hand and, voice rather nonchalant. "You know. Like one of us could dress up as Batman or Superman. Maybe even the Green Arrow and the Flash. Instead of going on a heroic spree we could turn into a gay parody." He smirked lewdly, eyes gleaming with very naughty thoughts. "I've always wanted to be tied down by Wonder Woman's Lasso of Truth…"

"Kinky." Itachi nodded approvingly, writing the idea down for later. He always fancied wearing a pair of tights and a flowing cape. It took a real man to pull of tights, you know. "Anymore ideas?"

"Oh, oh, oh!" Naruto waved his hand madly, desperately wanting Itachi to pick him because – in his opinion – he had the best idea out of everyone.

"Yes, Naruto?" Itachi added a tad bit of exasperation in his voice though Naruto didn't pick up on it.

"Okay, so here's the idea. We're ninjas!"

"… And?" cocking an eyebrow, Itachi wondered if the blonde was going to add on.

"And we fight!"

"… _And?_"

"And um… we're kick ass!"

"Alright. Someone else throw in a suggestion before my brain commits suicide." Itachi's words were like a bullet aimed straight for Naruto's heart. Naruto felt utterly… beaten. If it weren't for Gaara speaking up for him, Naruto might have actually cried… nah.

"The idea doesn't sound too bad if we build on it." Gaara's stoic tone cut through everyone and he had their attention perfectly. "Say we… Cosplay as ninjas. It'll be as if it were a normal day in the café," is anything ever 'normal' in the café? "So we can use our regular customers as extras and save money that way."

Two words struck out to Itachi. Save and money. Nodding, the older raven ushered Gaara to continue.

"Then… let's say we make a twist on things. Maybe a sort of package or item arrives that messes with a specific group of the Cosplay members, making it seem like they were _actual _ninjas that actually _killed_. Then we throw in a plot or two, like maybe Naruto getting kidnapped—"

"Hold on one fucking moment!" two seconds ago he was about to jump on Gaara and ask the red-head to marry him for sticking up for him. Now he wanted to clock that backstabbing bastard right in the left cheek! "Why am _I _the one getting kidnapped here? What about Sai? You could tie him up and he'd be perfectly fine with it!"

Sai scoffed, but made no move to deny the comment. It was true, more or less. So why fight it?

Everyone else exchanged glances with one another. It weren't "I'm panicking on how to explain" glances, but more "Who the hell is going to break the news" glances. Finally, everyone nodded as if the decision was universal.

"Because you're the most gullible" everyone deadpanned.

Naruto pouted, threw some more curse words, attacked a random book, and then plopped done on his seat feeling satisfied.

"Now that Naruto has calmed down from his hissy fit. Gaara, continue with your movie plot please." Itachi was leaning on his hand, a curious spark in his eyes.

"Well, since Naruto gets kidnapped there has to be a reason behind it. But that will be revelead later on in the story. And to spice things up will add in a romance." Gaara turned to face Sasuke, "You'll be saving Naruto by the way since he's your romantic interest."

Sasuke attempted to look bored, but a lazy smirk found its way onto his face. "Will there be a beautiful reunion on the end?"

Gaara found the numerous sexual innuendoes laced in Sasuke's tone and smirked back. "Of course."

"Then sure. I'll save the dobe's ass anytime."

It took all of Naruto's willpower not to smack that silly smirk off of Sasuke's face! So he sat there quietly and plotted Sasuke's demise. Oh yes… there was definitely an electric chair for Sasuke in the near future…

"Good to hear it." Gaara nodded and folded his hands together, lost in thought. "I suppose there'll be some psychological twists as well as thought out back stories for the main characters. Some physical and emotional conflict and perhaps even Naruto in a French maid dress…"

"No! No, I am _not _shaving my legs again!" Naruto screamed but his voice fell on deaf ears. Embrace your smooth and hairless legs, Naruto!

Itachi nodded, the perfect image of his soon-to-be movie was playing through his mind and he had to admit… he loved it. Jotting down a few more notes like budget, possible actors he could hire on a controlled wage, and a few more things they needed for the movie to be realistic. All in all, Itachi could see this becoming a blockbuster hit.

"I like the plot. And I like where this is going. How about everyone else? Are we okay with the ninja idea?" although Itachi was probably going to go ahead with it anyways despite the opinions of others – like a certain blonde haired boy named Naruto we all know and love. Everyone – even Naruto because he was practically forced into it – agreed that the ninja plot sounded like a good idea. And soon enough everyone was throwing in their own suggestions on how they could develop the plot more. Even Deidara managed to get his own little strip scene! Score!

"So what about a title?" Kiba asked. If you'd like to know where he was sitting, Tobi had managed to get the brunette to sit on his lap. It was a big win for our loveable Tobi!

"Hmm…" Itachi scribbled actually scribbles pretending as though he was lost in thought. "Any ideas?"

"The Epic Adventures of The Sexy Cosplayers!" Deidara grinned wildly.

"Too long," Itachi just shot you _down_!

"_The _Movie," Kisame smirked feeling as if he was some brilliant mastermind.

"Too vague," You've just been shot _down_!

"How about… Mission Impossible," Zetsu threw into the fish bowl of ideas.

"Already taken," another one shot _down_!

"Ninjas," Pein stated calmly and then went for a cookie on the cookie platter.

"Ninjas?" Itachi cocked an eyebrow.

Pein simply nodded, "Ninjas."

"Well then…" Itachi leaned back and allowed a please smile to illuminate his face. "Ninjas it is."

* * *

Ta da! So the movie will be named Ninjas, the cake from last chapter was a lie, and I'm looking for your opinions on whether or not you'd like me to do drabbles for the Akatsuki Universe or not :3.

Review please! It'll get me pumped to write up the next chapter. It's going to be a looong one. I see it coming.

Till next time!


	33. Ninjas The Movie

This chapter is very long. Around 20-21 pages if I remembered correctly. I just finished this about five minutes ago, and I worked my ass off to get it done this morning. I would have had it finished yesterday. But I lost power for THREE hours D: THREE. FREAKING. HOURS. I was pissed :L. But now you all have your movie. And my flashdrive died on me! And I freaked because my whole entire LIFE was on that thing. Then I jammed it in, shimmied it around, and got it working long enough to save my folders onto my actual computer...

Hallelujah! The Lord is good to me :3.

Now in the beginning, it's present tense, and that last for like, not that long o.e Then the tense changes :P. Just worked that way.

Thank you all for reviewing last time! And sorry this is a day later than expected :P.

**A very special thanks to MomoTomo for your opening idea (sorry I wasn't able to use your quote v.v I'll make sure to use it in a drabble I write for **The Cosplay Conspiracy!**) And another thanks to XMistressChaosx for your movie plot! I changed it around here and there, but I think you'll like it ;D. Also to Musicgirl1796! I used your idea as well :o. I warped it a little, but it works :3.  
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**Warning: The Akatsuki has made their movie! And the plot is twisted! There will be some OOC but I made that intentional... MWAHAHA. You'll see why 8D. There are twists and turns and humor and slash! That means our main characters will be getting it onnn like Donkey Kong! There could be spelling mistakes here and there... I thought I got them all v.v.  
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**Disclaimer: Guys... you know I don't own Naruto. But it's nice to pretend, right?**

P.S. I indicated the different scenes just because... well... I wanted to :o. LMFAO. Enjoy!**  
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* * *

**Akatsuki Cosplay Café**

**Chapter Thirty-Three: Ninjas (The Movie)**

**(Now with more comedy and a lot more insanity!)**

_Opening_

The dark screen illuminates and in pops an insanely grinning blonde with a bang covering his left eye. You can see that he's a natural because he's continuously looking down at his script. This man is truly a Leonardo DiCaprio in the making.

"Hello everyone! I'm here to give you all the warning for this movie! If you are under the age of seventeen then fucking sweet! You're sneaking in to watch an R-Rated movie. I'm proud of you guys!" don't you just love that overly sweet zest he sprinkled onto his words?

"Deidara!" A voice snapped in the background. Not even one minute into the movie and the blonde was probably scarring a lot of little kids. Whether that is a good thing or a bad thing is still undecided. "Read the bloody script I gave you!"

"Haaai~" he drawled and flipped to the page he was supposed to read off of. "Warning: This movie is not for the viewing of small children, people with no sense of humor; 'cause it contains me and my sex bunny doing _it _and funny shit! Plus…" Deidara started to trail off, boredom finally sinking in. He whined, as if this was the most menial task he ever had to deal with and looked over his shoulder. "Itachi! This is so boring! Why do I have to read this, un?"

The camera switched over to Itachi, who was currently face palming over and over again. "Shut _up_, Deidara and _read!_ Besides, how the hell can it be boring when you added your own lines instead of reading the script…?" This is a battle you can't win, Itachi. So raise a truce! Sighing, the older raven just shook his head. "You know what? Never mind… And get that fucking camera out of my face!"

The camera man – who didn't want his balls chopped off that day – moved the camera to Deidara who was smirking rather evilly. He cleared his throat and continued. "I hope you all enjoy the movie! And for all you hormonal males and Panties out there that either pop boners or get wet, there are condoms located underneath all your seats!"

As the screen started to fade to black, Deidara's voice was heard loud and clear.

"How was that, Sari?"

_Scene One: The Package That Screwed Everything Up_

Cosplay; one man's passion.

Ninjas; one boy's wet dream.

When you mix ninjas in with Cosplay… what do you get?

This movie, that's what.

The Akatsuki Cosplay Café was experiencing yet another busy day. Customers were swarming in ad they were dealing with all of them flawlessly. Well… about as flawlessly as a group of gay men and a stuffed bunny could handle. Their leader, Itachi Uchiha, was happily moving from table to table engaging in random conversations with his favored customers. Some even asked if they could make a grab at his sword. No you perverted children. We're not talking about _that _type of sword that has the ability to help with the reproduction process. The sword they wanted to touch was a _katana_. It was very old, but still deadly.

Itachi – who was very proud of his sword, mind you – was happy to let people touch it. For the right price, of course. But really; who would complain about getting a chance to touch Itachi's sword?

Our lovely little Cosplayers had decided to go with a ninja theme for the week. They formed into little 'tribes' and went around the café performing some action scenes (not only the sexual kind, but fighting as well) to entertain the masses. Everyone spent a lot of time on their costumes, making their personas as realistic as possible. So far, everything was going great! People were laughing. The food was delicious – as always. The Cosplayers not only got to vent their emotions here and there, they also were able to run around in cool costumes and make mischief! Really, what's better than that?

We now turn our attention to our main soon-to-be damsel in distress, Naruto Uzumaki. His persona is the _Hokage. _It's basically a fancy word for the leader of a village. After many years of countless struggles trying to earn the villagers respect, while battling with his inner demon – literally, a demon was locked inside of him. An overgrown fuzz ball too – Naruto had finally risen to the top. Of course, no influential and powerful leader is without his right hand man… and lover.

Sasuke Uchiha stood beside his Hokage with a smile on his face as he watched the blonde recount many over dramatized stories to their customers. His persona was a part of the _ANBU Black Ops. _With a heart covered in ice, Sasuke used to only care about one thing – revenge. Revenge for what his brother did all those years ago! Now you all may be wondering… what did he do that was so bad? Well, it really wasn't _that _bad, but Sasuke liked to over exaggerate things to an extreme. What happened was Sasuke "accused" Itachi for killing his beta fish while he was away at camp. When in reality the fish died by natural causes. However, as stated earlier, Sasuke was over dramatic. It didn't make things any better when Itachi disappeared one day without leaving a note behind!

Needless to say, Sasuke was pissed. And for a while he almost went AWOL until Naruto stepped him and showed him that revenge doesn't make you stronger – friendship and love does! After a mini romping session and a lot of cutesy words, the two were officially a couple.

Everything seemed right in the world of frilly dresses and delicious pastries. Though things rarely every veer on the normal path of life when dealing with the Akatsuki. Around noon a mysterious package dropped off by an even more mysterious man arrived at the front doors of the café. Leaving an anonymous letter among the lines of: 'From me, to you' the man left with a rather sick grin on his face.

Do you feel that? That's the sign of a storm brewing.

"Tachi, there's a package at a door addressed to us!" the members that were already there, Deidara, Sasori, Kisame, Zetsu, Pein, Tobi, Hidan, and Itachi – they're persona as a group was called the _Akatsuki_; very original – stood around a circular table looking at the small package with great interest. It wasn't every day the Cosplay members got such nice gifts that were actually in a box! Normally their gifts were thrown at them by rabid fan girls and boys. This doubled Itachi's suspicions greatly because the gift was so… so… _normal_.

"Should we bring the others?" Pein asked quietly. He had to leave Mr. Snuggles to attend with his customers or else they would get rowdy. Also, if the package was dangers, Pein didn't want his cute little bunny to get hurt. Such a kind person Pein is.

Itachi shook his head, eyeing the package with dangerous intrigue. "We shouldn't risk the others safety if this package really is hazardous. So Hidan," Itachi shot his lover a look, "you open the box."

"What? Why me?" Hidan whined. Life was so unfair sometimes, huh?

"Because I said so." The older raven narrowed his eyes. The simple gesture itself promised one whole month without sex and a whole lot of cock rings…

Heaving a heavy sigh, Hidan – well, no one really – could ever stand up to Itachi and win when it came to getting what he wants. Gulping back his hesitation, his shaky hands reached out and ripped off the tape holding down the two flaps. Praying to his Jashin a million times over that this wasn't going to explode in his face… Hidan opened the box.

A blinding white light engulfed the Cosplay members in its warm, but _evil_, radiance. All of the men groaned in pain, feeling like they had all been smashed by an eighteen-wheeler. When the light subsided, the men were silent, breathing heavily as their senses quickly came back to them. Each of the Akatsuki slowly opened their eyes. One by one their eyes showed that nobody was really home. They were lost in their personas that they had created. Fully believing that they were actually ninjas – bad ninjas too! And they had only one thing on their minds…

Capture Naruto Uzumaki.

_Scene Two: We've got Your Blonde_

Naruto sighed rather happily, glad that he was able to spend some one-on-one time with Sasuke. Not like pleasing the mass of fan boys and fan girls a like wasn't fun. Naruto was starting to get used to it. And, surprisingly, he was learning to love it as well. But now it was just him and Sasuke, cuddling in a corner without a care in the world.

Gaara walked up a while later, face as stoic as ever as he watched the two shove their tongues down each others' throats. It took all of the red-head's willpower to _not _rip out Sasuke's tongue. Though he had a lot of fun imaging how it would go down.

"I'm not sorry to interrupting you two from your make out session, but don't you two notice something _strange _about _them_?" Gaara pointed a finger towards the eight Akatsuki members huddled around the same, circular table.

Sasuke raised an eyebrow; the logical part of his mind was telling him that they should have moved from that spot long ago to attend customers. The more irrational part of his mind, though, was saying that Naruto's cheeks looked so rosy red that he _couldn't _resist the urge to steal another kiss.

Sadly, the more logical part one out in a fierce battle of thumb wars!

"You're right." Sasuke never thought two words could hurt so much to say. Gaara looked rather smug watching how pained the younger raven was in admitting it. "So what should we do about it?"

"I don't know," the red-head acknowledged honestly. His mint green eyes were trained on the eight men surrounding the table, straining to hear the words they were whispering amongst themselves. Itachi looked up from the group, and for a split second Gaara's and his eyes clashed; empty green with an even emptier onyx. The man smiled. It sent shivers up and down Gaara's spine. It seemed like Itachi got his message across, because he went back to the group and the immediately dispersed as if nothing happened.

Alright, yeah, something's weird is going on here.

Naruto watched as each Akatsuki member acted the exact _opposite _of how they normally did. Itachi was more… kind. Like, smiling all the time and extremely bubbly, kind. You know those types of people that are always happy? That was Itachi! Hidan no longer acknowledged Jashin as the one and only God, and instead admitted that he was a Christian to the bone (which is a good thing and all, but hearing that from Hidan was just plain weird). Zetsu was trying to pick a fight with everyone. Kisame was trying to wriggle himself into a dress for a group of girls. Tobi was no where in the group as far as Naruto could see, and that scared him because wherever Tobi was, Kiba normally was forced to be there. And seeing the brunette talking to a group of people by himself set Naruto off. Then, there was Pein. Some girl was tugging at Mr. Snuggles ears, almost ripping them, and Pein sat there and did _nothing_. What was worse was that when the girl tried to give him back the bunny… he rejected it.

Do you all hear that? That was the sound of a stuffed bunny's heart breaking.

But, by far, the worse pair was Sasori and Deidara. They had no sexual innuendoes and jokes; they no longer made grabs for the other's junk. It was like they were trying to be… abstinent.

"Guys… this looks serious." Naruto suddenly felt the strange urge to throw up over take him. Where the hell was the normalcy he was used to in this place? When everyone was acting wacky and over dramatic, that's what made Naruto feel like he fit in; belonged. And now everyone was acting like their polar opposites? Well not on this Hokage's watch! "I'm going to check it out…"

As he was about to get up from Sasuke's lap, a hand shot out and stopped him from moving on any further.

"Teme, I gotta check this out! What if they're all dying from some fucked up disease and this is their way of coping? Or worse! The disease actually _changes_ their personalities?" Naruto yanked his hand out of Sasuke's grasp and shot the teen a look that clearly said if he tried to stop him again, he'd get his ass kicked to the curb. "As the Hokage I have to make sure my people are safe! Rogue ninjas or not."

"Idiot," Sasuke spat out. Naruto was getting a little _too _much into his role. And he had a feeling that was going to get the boy in some serious shit. "That's your persona. You're not actually a Hokage."

"Shut up!" Naruto hissed and turned on his heel, stalking over to the weird acting Cosplay members.

The younger raven rubbed his throbbing temples, wishing he hadn't picked such a stubborn person as his boyfriend. He growled slightly when he heard Gaara chuckling behind him.

"Are you going to follow him?" the red-head raised a non-existent eyebrow.

"I should… But I'm not. Let the dobe learn from his mistakes."

Gaara shrugged his shoulders, though it was rather difficult to do that when you had a giant gourd full of sand strapped on your back. The teen was going to murder the person whose bloody idea was to make him a Sand Ninja. Gaara hated the sand! Hell, he happily lit a sandbox on fire when he was in kindergarten. He was rather proud of himself.

Sai finally made his appearance, wearing a black mid-rift that happily showed off his abs, and black cargo pants. He looked rather concerned, lips set in a frown and eyebrows scrunched together, that Sasuke felt compelled to ask what's wrong.

"It's your brother…" Sai trailed off, eyes trained on Itachi's brother as he wrapped a 'friendly' arm around Naruto's shoulder. "I never knew he was so touchy feely."

"What?" the younger's raven head snapped around to find his brother cuddling the blonde for all he was worth. Sasuke's jaw dropped on the floor. What. The. Hell? No! Itachi was _not _a cuddler. He was the sort of man that gave awkward hugs for a living. And now he was acting all chummy with Naruto? Sasuke felt like reality had snapped in half.

"Oh, looks like your brother has him in a choke hold now." Gaara pointed out.

Naruto was struggling against Itachi's insane grip! He didn't know what was scarier: being trapped in a head lock with Itachi smiling like a clown, or the fact that the arm he was holding captive with held a sharp _kunai _in his hand pointed right at his throat. They both seemed rather scary at the moment.

"Gah!" Naruto chocked out as Itachi's grip tightened around his neck. He gasped for breath and weakly raised a hand out for Sasuke. "S-Sasuke… help me…!"

"Naruto!"

Everything went into slow motion after that. Sasuke's mouth formed the words "Noooooooo~" as he stumbled slowly for his blonde. Itachi's grin widened even more – as impossible as it sounded – and reached into his back pocket with his other hand, retrieving a nice little smoke bomb. With a nod to his comrades, Itachi let the bomb drop. Sasuke's eyes watched the device take its lethargic descent to the ground.

Nothing happened for about three seconds when the smoke bomb hit the ground. For a foolish moment Sasuke thought that nothing would happen. He was wretchedly proven wrong when the bomb exploded and all Hell broke loose.

"Naruto!"

_Scene Three: Reverse Psychology for Dummies_

Naruto awoke with a rather nasty headache that only a repeated attack on the head with a hammer could create. His vision was pretty cloudy, and every time he tried to move he found that his legs and wrists had to be restrained by something because his movement was lacking. And the chair he was strapped to did nothing to ease his throbbing butt cheeks!

"The fuck…?"

"Ah, so you're finally awake."

"FUCK!" Naruto toppled backwards in his chair, the fright of seeing Itachi's maddening smiling face giving him more of a heart attack than he wanted to experience.

Itachi giggled – yes, that's right. Giggled. The world has finally come to an end. "You're a funny one. This will make torturing you all the more fun!"

Naruto blinked, hoping if he batted his eyelashes enough this surreal situation would evaporate into the air. Sadly, Naruto had no such luck. He looked from one Akatsuki member to another, trying to find hints of a smile or stare at them long enough until they cracked. Unfortunately, he couldn't find any traces of this being some very sick joke. So, being the resourceful person Naruto was… he laughed. Loud and obnoxiously until he couldn't even breathe.

"I knew you guys were crazy but this is ridiculous! Alright, joke's up you guys. You can quit acting all freaky and untie me now…" the blonde's nervous laughter started to die out when he realized no one was making a move to help him. "Umm… guys? Seriously! I have to pee and if you don't untie me I'm not responsibly for what happens to your floor! Which, by the way, is really dirty—mmffah. Mmmfah!"

Pein leaned back with a rather smug look on his face, admiring his handiwork. Whoever said carrying a roll of duct tape around was stupid is an idiot! "His voice was annoying me," he said in a monotone voice. It sent very vivid shivers along Naruto's spine.

Itachi whined, a small pout marring his face. "I liked his voice. It was very cute."

"You think _everything_ is cute, Itachi." Deidara scoffed and rolled his eyes. The torturing session was supposed to start the minute the Hokage woke up. How the hell were they supposed to get what they wanted if they were making small talk? Deidara was about to shove a stick of dynamite up someone's ass right now, he was getting too impatient!

"He has a point," Sasori pointed out. "You thought that dead ninja's carcass we stripped of its soul was cute."

'Dead ninja?' Naruto visibly paled although it went unnoticed by everyone else. 'It's like they _actually _think their ninjas… Oh God. Then maybe I should play along a little…'

"It was the hair color." Itachi defended.

"It was completely covered in blood." Sasori shot right back.

Itachi huffed, "Still cute."

Okay. Itachi calling something _cute_? Yeah, the world is screwed as we know it.

"Can we get this fucking thing over with already? I have very important people to beat the shit out of today," Zetsu snarled.

"Don't get your knickers in a knot, Zetsu." Kisame scolded, although no one could really take him seriously with that cherry red lipstick on his lips…

"Enough talking." Hidan snapped and roughly grabbed Naruto by the chin. For the first time in the blonde's life he felt actual _fear _from being so close to this usually cheerful and dense man.

'If I make this out alive, I'll promise to be nicer to him! I'll even convert to Jashin… Nah. I'll pass on that.' Naruto thought.

"As you can see,Hokage, you're currently strapped down to a chair. I wouldn't suggest moving too much or else you'll risk cutting those pretty little wrists off…" Hidan chuckled; the thought was rather amusing to see the self-esteemed Hokage inflict pain on him in attempts to safe himself. "So, if you'd like to leave this rather unscathed… you'll have to listen to us."

Naruto chewed through the tape – God only knows how he was able to pull that off – and spit it on the ground. He narrowed his eyes into daggers hoping it would cut these men down to size! "You will _not _use Kyuubi to take over the world! Do you hear me? That overgrown fuzz ball isn't even potty trained! Letting him run rampant would be a horrible mistake!" Naruto smiled as innocently as a dog who just chewed up your favorite shoes, "How about you guys let me go and we'll call it a day? Obviously you're taking this thing way too—mffah!"

Pein strikes again!

"What?" he asked innocently when he received glares and sighs of exasperation from his teammates. "He was getting annoying again." Pein shrugged.

Hidan rolled his eyes before fixing his face into a cruel grin. "Do you honestly think we would capture you for a stupid reason like releasing that stupid fox of yours onto the world? Please. We have better things to do with our time rather than make destroy the world and reshape it in our image."

Well then, Naruto could proudly admit that he was stumped by these guys. Normally the crazy he had to deal with from these people was a tolerable one. But this? Kidnapping him and then tying him down to a chair? To make matters worse these guys were acting more insane than normal. Naruto shook his head furiously. He seriously hoped this was all some cruel trick these guys were playing and they _weren't _going to kill him.

You can only dream, Naruto. But you must always remember… dreams are not reality!

'Then what in the hell are they going to do with me?'

Hidan snapped his fingers and Kisame was right by his side, a pink and frilly maid's dress complete with an apron, headband, stockings, and platform boots.

The smile Hidan wore could freeze Hell over.

"You're a _very _cute boy, Hokage." He purred into Naruto's ears, enjoying how much he squirmed in his seat. "And it would be a shame if we let your good looks go to waste."

"Mmmf! Mmm!" Translation: I like penguins.

Hidan cocked an amused eyebrow. "What was that, Hokage? I can't really understand you with that tape over your mouth…" without much warning, Hidan ripped the tape off of Naruto's mouth.

Naruto yelped loudly, his skin burning from such a brutal attack! These guys were mean today!

"What the hell was that for, Hidan? Stop screwing around and let me go! You're not actual ninjas!"

The purple-iris man scoffed, along with the rest of the Akatsuki who all murmured amongst themselves how strange this blonde way.

"And then you're going to tell me that we're actually Cosplayers that dressed up like ninjas to please the masses of fan boys and fan girls."

"Well… yeah. You pretty much hit the nail on the head there." Naruto deadpanned.

Really, how could you argue with that?

Hidan narrowed his eyes, "Itachi, strip him. Pein, get the razor. Kisame, put on the dress."

Naruto, once again, started to struggle in his seat. He could see flashes of his bleak future flash by of him wearing a maid's dress and forced to wait hand on foot for these psychopaths. Nuh uh, no way! Naruto Uzumaki dressed up for no one… other than Sasuke Uchiha.

"There is no way in hell I'm going to dress up for you guys!" by now Naruto had learned that these guys were _not _joking and they had every intention of fulfilling their twisted plan.

"Oh, really?" Hidan smiled sweetly, "Is there something you're afraid to show us that wearing a dress would reveal? I never knew you were so self-conscious…"

"I am not self-conscious! I'm forced to wear dresses everyday because of you people! I'm not about to let you all strip me, shave me, and then dress me! I have my pride."

"Ah… I see. Well, it's nothing to be embarrassed of. Not every man can look good wearing a dress…"

"Excuse me? Are you trying to say I can't work a dress?"

"I never said that…"

"You did! You fucking did! Take that back you asshole!"

"Why else would you vehemently refuse to wear the dress if you thought you looked good in it? Obviously you can't work the dress… nothing to get worked about."

"I'll fucking prove it to you! Trust me. Once you see me in that dress you'll want in my boxers!"

Hidan smiled victoriously. Plan Reverse Psychology for Dummies was a success! "Well… if you really insist."

Naruto had to hold back his yell of success because he finally realized what he had gotten himself into.

"Oh shit…"

_Scene Four: The Tattletale Post-It Note_

"Gaara, I swear to _God_ if you don't let me go I'll shove all that sand so far up your ass you'll be sneezing it out for weeks!"

Gaara shook his head in mock shame. Of all the threats Sasuke had ever thrown at him that one was by far the lamest. Violent, yes, but still very lame.

"You're in no position to just leave. Do you even know where Naruto is? Or why in the world the rest of our… 'family' has gone off the deep… well _deeper _end than usual?"

Sasuke's first response would have been 'drugs'. But he knew they were all clean – well, Kisame was still an iffy…

"I can find out…" he mumbled.

The red-head scoffed and simply tightened the hold he had on Sasuke. He had the boy held by the armpits and he wasn't about to let him go until he calmed down. Or at least when he started to think more rationally.

"Alright, Sasuke. Explain to me how exactly you're going to go about finding Ru."

"…"

"That's what I thought." Gaara sighed, "Now if I let you go will you _promise_ to think more critically here?"

"Yeah… whatever…" Sasuke grumbled, happy when Gaara released his hold on him. Rotating his shoulder blades – Gaara had one hell of a grip – Sasuke narrowed his eyes, "Well? What do you suggest we do then?"

Gaara snorted, "About time you finally asked." He folded his arms across his chest and laid down the law. "Firstly we need to figure out what happened to make your brother and the rest act so… loopy. And then we can work from there."

The younger raven nodded. That made sense. "I think they were standing over there by that table… It was like they were all focused on something."

"Then we'll check there."

After a few minutes of investigating, Sasuke finally stumbled along something interesting.

"It's a box." Why yes, an object with that looks like a cube and or rectangle that holds objects inside of it would be considered… a box.

"No shit, Sherlock." Gaara snorted.

"I'm going to ignore that comment." Sasuke hissed and tore into the box. The quicker they went through finding the clues, the quicker Sasuke to go rescue his blonde! "… I wasn't expecting this…"

"What?" Gaara ripped the box from Sasuke's hand and studied the object. Inside the box was a flat, tablet that seemed to be turned off at the moment. He hesitated on whether or not he should turn on the tablet or not, because whatever happened to Itachi and everyone else could happen to him as well. So… he offered up a sacrifice. "Sai, where's Mr. Snuggles?"

"Coping," Sai replied, cradling the rejected, stuffed bunny in his arms. "He's not taking Pein leaving so well…"

"Bring him over here. I think I've just found a lead."

"More like I found the lead and you're taking all the credit." You see. Without Naruto around Sasuke has to act childish to fill in the void.

"Does it really matter? This is all to save _your _blonde, you know." Gaara narrowed his eyes, pleased to see that his words were the slap to the face Sasuke needed.

Sai brought Mr. Snuggles over, as requested, and offered the bunny up as a sacrifice to the mysterious tablet. Pressing the "on" button, the three remaining Cosplay members ducked for cover as the bright light engulfed the bunny.

"_You are no longer Cosplayers, but ninjas. Your mission is to capture Naruto Uzumaki and force him to be your maid. Failure to complete the mission means… well… that you're failures."_

The screen flickered off and the mysterious light disappeared. When they thought it was safe to come out, Gaara, Sai, and Sasuke stepped out and walked over to the box. Sai picked up Mr. Snuggles and examined for anything amiss, and then slapped himself for thinking that whatever happened to Itachi and the others would happen with the bunny. He was stuffed for God's sake!

"Well, it's safe to say that the tablet along with the mysterious white light was what made everyone act so strange." Gaara said and examined the tablet once more.

"I didn't recognize the voice." Sasuke sighed and felt fear start to overtake his sense. They could be doing anything to his Naruto at the moment and he couldn't do anything about it until he found a lead to where he was. Sasuke felt so utterly… helpless. He hated feeling helpless.

"Maybe we've overlooked something," Sai said and went through the box once more, searching every nook and cranny, and then lifting up to check the bottom of the box. As if on cue, a small post-it note fluttered onto the table. The raven cautiously picked up the note and read it aloud. "We've taken your blonde to you'll never think to look of. So don't come searching at the docks where the fifth warehouse for storing the newest Cosplay costumes are located. You have until midnight to come find your blonde… or else. Love, Kisame."

"Not only did that light make them crazy, it made them stupid too." Gaara shook his head, a small chuckle escaping his lips. This just made things ten times easier. "Sasuke—he left already."

Sasuke was nowhere to be found at the moment. Gaara figured he dashed off once he knew where to find his blonde. The red-head sighed. It seemed like when it came to Naruto, Sasuke lost his calm façade and stoic nature, completely turning into someone rash and hot-headed. Fishing for his cell phone, Gaara motioned Kiba over and gave him simple to follow directions.

They were going to need all the back up they could get.

_Scene Five: Operation Rescue Naruto is a Go!_

Sasuke's heart was about to burst out of his chest and do a marathon around the seemingly abandoned warehouse. His adrenaline level was on high, and the only thing that was on his mind was Naruto. Finding Naruto. Holding Naruto in his arms and never letting him go. And after he knew his blonde was safe, he was going to be some sense into his brother and everyone else for acting so stupid in the first place.

"Naruto! Naruto are you here?" the younger raven screamed out into the darkness, wishing he had brought a flashlight. Or at least some back up along with him. Maybe rushing into this without any initial planning wasn't such a good idea after all.

Then, the lights flickered. On and off, on and off, until a consistency was placed. All around him he could hear chuckles, menacing and mocking. Sasuke felt like the world was spinning around him and he was unfortunately strapped along for the ride. Out of nowhere a hand reached out and shoved him onto the ground. Those sneaky bastards! Desperately trying to get up, a foot slammed into his back, forcing him in place.

"Get the fuck off of me!" he roared.

Another chuckle slipped in through the darkness, and Itachi stepped forward into the light. He had a wild grin plastered on his face as he watched his brother squirm on the ground. "You're so cute when you course, Otouto."

"Cute?" Sasuke spat out, eyes narrowed in disbelief. "You think being pinned down by a foot is cute?"

Itachi nodded wordlessly, his grin still happily glued to his face. He bent down until he was at eye level with his brother and poked his cheek. "Don't tell me you're still mad about me killing your beta fish…"

"What?" Sasuke hissed, eyebrows scrunched together in confusion. "What beta fish?"

The older raven shook his head in mock pity. "Now you're in denial…"

"Denial over what? I never had a… Oh. You mean… Itachi! That beta fish wasn't real. It was all a part of the persona _you _created for my character." Sasuke shot his brother a confused glare. "What the hell is wrong with you? And where's Naruto! I don't have time to play any of your sick games." Silently he thought, 'Could this have to do with the bright light from the tablet…?'

Itachi frowned, his head cocked to his side in confusion. He knew his brother was angry at him for killing his beta fish – although he didn't exactly _kill _it with his own two hands – but to adamantly refuse it ever happened and then pin him for it just being a story he created for a fake persona was… well… a little nerve racking and confusing to say the least.

"Poor Otouto…" he sighed and rubbed his brother's cheek fondly.

"Knock it off!" Sasuke snapped and made a move to bite Itachi's hand. It worked, and now the foot that was planted on his back kneaded at his spine painfully, causing him to hiss in discomfort. "W-Where's Naruto…?"

"Ah, you mean Hokage?" Itachi listlessly twirled his ponytail around his fingers. "I don't really remember where we put him…"

"Don't fuck with me, Itachi!"

"Oh! You really are cute when you're angry."

"Itachi!"

"Fine. Don't get your dick caught in your zipper." Itachi sighed in annoyance and ran a hand through his black hair. "He's busy serving tea right now if you really wanted to know."

"You bastards!" Sasuke snarled and made a swipe to grab onto Itachi's clothing, only to have the man easily move out of the way. That did nothing to sedate his anger. "I can't believe you did something as heinous as—wait. You're making him serve tea?" Okay. Now Sasuke was royally confused. "Why would you make him do that? And where is he anyways! Let me see him."

"God, you're so annoying when you're throwing a hissy fit." Itachi folded his arms across his chest and gestured with his head towards the right. Sasuke followed his gaze and found his blonde wearing a pink, frilly maid's dress fully customized with an apron and everything. Naruto was currently grumbling about how unfair the world was while setting another plate and cup on the table.

"Naruto?" Sasuke whispered, his mind was currently going on and on about how cute Naruto looked in that dress. And how cuter he would look with nothing on at all… get your mind back on track, Sasuke! Shaking his head of such pleasant but not needed right now thoughts, Sasuke yelled, "Naruto!" as loudly as possible.

The blonde turned around, his eyes widening and the platter with the remaining cups and plates falling from his hands. They clattered on the floor and smashed into a million pieces as Naruto's brain tried to catch up with his mouth.

"S-Sasuke…?" Naruto asked in complete disbelief. What in the world was Sasuke doing here? Then it clicked in his mind that Sasuke was here to save him… "Sasuke!" Naruto yelled, a smile splitting across his face as he tried to close the distance between him and his boyfriend.

All too soon a hand reached and grabbed Naruto by the arm, firmly holding him in place. Said owner of the hand chuckled darkly, pulling the blonde flush against his chest, much to Sasuke's annoyance.

"Who the hell is that?" Sasuke snarled, his eyes narrowing on the figured cloaked in darkness that was holding Naruto against his will.

"Let me go you, bastard!" Naruto struggled, but the bastard's grip only tightened.

"Ah, that's Master." Itachi nodded like that was the most obvious thing in the world. "He doesn't like when his maids try to run away."

"Did you really just call him 'Master' and _not _add sarcastic remark after it?" Sasuke raised an eyebrow. "What did that bastard do to you…?"

"I can answer that for you, Sasuke-kun." The figure cloaked in the shadows stepped out into the light. Sasuke literally gasped, his eyes widened in shock at the familiar figure holding his blonde captive.

"K-Kakashi…?" he asked stupefied.

The masked man chuckled. "The one and only."

"But… why?" No matter how much Sasuke's brain tried to connect the dots, the figurative pencil just kept break and no dots were connecting!

The man rolled his visible eye and snorted. "Why else? I was bored."

"You were _bored? _Are you fucking serious right now? Let go of Naruto _right _now you freaking bastard!"

"It's rude to use such profanity against the man that has your dear little boyfriend in his clutches." Kakashi smirked underneath his mask. That got Sasuke to calm down. "I'm only a man. I have to find ways to entertain myself every now and again."

"You're sick…" Sasuke hissed.

Kakashi smiled, "Why thank you."

"So that box… it was from you? Ah… the lovely sound of dots finally connecting. "And that tablet and the white light… you're the reason why my brother and everyone else were acting so different," the light bulb went off in Sasuke's head. "That's why my brother thinks everything is cute now!"

The masked man nodded, rather proud that Sasuke figured that out all by himself. Good. Less explaining Kakashi had to do.

"But why make Naruto wear a dress…? I don't get that."

Kakashi simply shrugged. "The last time I saw Naruto in the dress I thought he was rather cute. So…"

Yeah… Kakashi's a pervert.

"You're not going to get away with this! I'll change everyone back _and _get Naruto out of your filthy clutches. Do you hear me? I'm going to kick your sorry ass!"

Kakashi couldn't help but laugh at this. And just to piss Sasuke off even more, he gripped Naruto by the chin started to stroke his cheek. "And what, pray tell, makes you think you could do that."

The explosion that ricocheted around the warehouse spoke volumes.

Sasuke smirked smugly, "That."

_Scene Six: Saved By a Dolphin_

"Kakashi!" the voice roared. And what a familiar voice it was. It made Naruto internally jump for joy and Kakashi internally weep for mercy.

"Shit…" Kakashi mumbled, realizing that he was about to get the biggest ass-whooping of his life for this. "You little brat, you had to call _him _in didn't you."

Sasuke smiled innocently, "I had nothing to do with this."

"Kakashi Hatake! I swear to God if you don't stop this bullshit I will rip you a new one!" Iruka stomped through the warehouse, fists balled out of his sides and eyes slit in daggers. He was going to find Kakashi and beat the living shit out of him for acting so childish. Iruka had seen the way Kakashi had been acting recently. Always aloof with a small, 'I'm-up-to-something-bad' look on his face. He just didn't think that the face meant he was going to kidnap Naruto and mess around with the Akatsuki!

Gaara stepped out along with sigh, a small smirk on his face as he watched everyone in the room visibly pale with the exception of Naruto and Sasuke. "How much do you want to bet that Kakashi is going to have to use a diaper for the rest of his life?"

Sai merely looked at Gaara, then towards the rampaging bull named Iruka, and back to Gaara again. "Ten bucks," he nodded.

And the bet had begun!

"Now Iruka… baby," Kakashi pulled down his mask a little so his lovely little Dolphin could see his gorgeous smile. "Don't you think you're acting a little bit rash?"

"Rash? You think I'm acting rash?" Iruka gripped Kakashi by the collar and pulled him rather close to his face. "Rash doesn't even begin to describe what I'm feeling right now. You are a grown man! Stop acting like a fucking child and grow up already! Now let go of Naruto. Fix everyone else. And apologize! Do you hear me? Or else you'll be fucking sleeping on the streets till you permanently become a part of the sidewalk."

Really… when dealing with a mad Iruka you can't really argue.

Kakashi, who rather valued his life and his sleeping arrangements, let go of Naruto and started the process of reverting everyone back to normal. Naruto, finally free, ran for Sasuke who had his arms opened wide ready to receive. The blonde lunged forward and collapsed into his raven; hugging him for all that he was worth.

"About time you got here…"

"I know…" Sasuke whispered into the crook of Naruto's neck. "Although I didn't get to do much…"

Naruto shook his head slowly, a small smile gracing his lips. "The fact that you were hear at all trying to save me makes me happy."

Sasuke smiled back and pulled Naruto into a much needed kiss.

"Will someone mind telling me why Naruto's in a dress and why I'm still wearing this ridiculous cloak…?" the cloak Itachi was referring too was black with red little clouds floating through the dark sky. He currently had a headache the size of China and wasn't in the mood to screw around. He also couldn't remember anything after he opened the box and the man wanted answers.

"You can ask this idiot right here." Iruka tugged on Kakashi's ears, enjoying the loud 'ouch' he got in return.

"Kakashi…?" Itachi growled out, a perfect eyebrow raised.

Kakashi gulped back his fear for the third time today. "Hello…" he strained a smile and lifted his hand in a wave.

"Explain," Itachi barked. And you can't really defy Itachi when he steeled his voice like that.

"Aw, look at Kit-chan!" Deidara cooed and ran over to pull at the blonde's cheek. "That dress looks absolutely adorable! Where did you get it?"

"You're too loud." Sasori growled and ripped Deidara off of the smaller blonde.

"Someone tell me why the fuck I'm wearin' lipstick!" Kisame roared and furiously rubbed the horrible stuff off his lips. "It doesn't even compliment my skin!"

"Why are my knuckles bloody…?" Zetsu wondered, fascination laced in his voice as he stared at his bruised knuckles.

"Why am I wearing boxers with the words 'Hallelujah' on them? I swear to Jashin I wasn't wearing this before!" Hidan cried out, wondering why the hell the world was playing such a sick joke on him.

"Where's Mr. Snuggles?" there was panic in Pein's voice as he looked left and right for his best friend. He was about to turn the warehouse upside down until Sai appeared with Mr. Snuggles safely tucked in his hands.

Let's just say the reunion between man and bunny was a beautiful one.

"So is it safe to say that everyone's been caught up to date and has taken their fair share of bitching out Kakashi?" Itachi asked, leaning against Hidan for support.

"Hai!" was everyone's universal reply.

"Good." Itachi nodded and with that everyone started to walk out of the warehouse.

"Does anyone know where my clothes are?" Naruto scratched at his legs that were smooth as a baby's bottom once again. He frowned slightly, "I am not going home in this—what the hell?"

The warehouse they had just exited burst into beautiful flames that engulfed the whole building.

"Kakashi!" Iruka hissed, yanking on the man's ear once more.

"Ow! That wasn't me this time!"

"Ah!" Deidara experienced an epiphany! "I vaguely remember rigging the warehouse with explosions…" the blonde laughed nervously as everyone shot glares his way. "What? At least the flames are pretty."

"I suggest we all run." Sasori stated calmly and grabbed Deidara by the hand, already making a head start.

Everyone nodded and mumbled words of agreement before they took off to their own homes as well.

Did anyone even notice where Tobi was?

_Scene Seven: Reunited and It Feels so Good._

Naruto pushed back on those delightful digits that were having their way with his prostrate. Time and time again Sasuke hit his sweet spot and Naruto saw stars. He trashed and moaned, feeling his release slowly climbing…

"S-Sasuke…" he whimpered when those fingers left his entrance. His cock strained and throbbed for release he was so close.

"Shh…" Sasuke whispered and leaned forward, nipping at the blonde's neck. He dragged his tongue along the sensitive flesh until it met Naruto's ear. "Do you want my cock?"

Naruto bucked his hips up to answer, his arms trembling as they wrapped around Sasuke's neck.

The raven grunted when their naked sexes rubbed together, but held Naruto's hips firmly in place so they wouldn't buck. "I can't hear you…" he teased and bit Naruto's ear.

"F-Fuck…" Naruto groaned. He was at the complete mercy of Sasuke's touches and kisses and he loved it… "I-Inside… I want you in—ahhh!" the blonde threw his head back as Sasuke plunged deep within him. Eyes rolling in the back of his head, mouth opened in a silent scream, Naruto panted heavily as he got used to such a thick presence…

Without much warning, Sasuke started to make an even and slow pace as he moved in and out of Naruto. He wanted this to last, to be filled with passion and lust until he felt like he was a part of Naruto – mind, body, and soul. He had already lost Naruto once, and now he was going to make up for the hours they had spent separated.

Their moans mingled together in the air, becoming the music to their erotic dance. Naruto clawed at Sasuke's back, begging him to go harder, deeper, faster. Sasuke couldn't deny the blonde his wishes, and slowly let his control slip as his hips bucked forwards. Flesh slapped against flesh. Pants turned into grunts that turned into animalistic screams. Both boys were so close… they could feel their release rising…

The blonde screamed loudly, his words becoming incoherent as Sasuke started to stroke him in time to their thrusts. Naruto was already lost in the passion, the feel of Sasuke ramming into him until he burst. He moaned Sasuke's name over and over again as he became closer and closer…

"I-I'm going to—"

"Me too…"

Sasuke screwed his eyes shot, a loud groan emitting from his lips as he came inside of Naruto. That naughty, puckered entrance milked him dry, tightening and then relaxing over and over again until the raven was completely spent. Naruto came shortly after, his seed splattering against both their stomachs. No longer able to support himself, Sasuke collapsed onto of Naruto, their breaths mixing with one another as they both started to come down from their high.

The blonde sighed, filled and content as he snuggled in closer to Sasuke's body. He didn't care if they were sticky and sweaty. All he cared about was being with Sasuke, next to Sasuke, _feeling _Sasuke. He felt at ease and happy when he was around the raven and this experience of being kidnapped had only brought them closer.

Sasuke wrapped his arms around the blonde's waist, pulling him against his chest as he buried his face into the blonde's neck. A soft, gentle, kiss was placed on the skin before Sasuke started to drift into sleep.

"I love you." He whispered.

Naruto flushed. There was a small smile on his face as he turned himself around so he could place a kiss on Sasuke's lips. "I love you too."

The two found sleep easy to fall in after that.

_Scene Eight: Wait! Wasn't That The End?_

Mask thrown away, a devious smirk on his face, Tobi stood a far enough distance away from the firemen and police as he watched the flames dance into the night sky. His plan had worked, for the most part. Kakashi was his scapegoat, and he played the role rather well. It was a shame that he had lost a very willing ally, but that's life. And the show must go on.

Digging into his back pocket, Tobi whipped out a cell phone and pressed the number seven. The phone only rung once until he got an answer.

"_Hello?"_

"Yes… Phase One is complete. Now let's move on to Phase Two…" he snapped the phone shut, his smirk turning into a full out smile as he went back into the shadows of the night.

Whatever Phase Two was… we will never know. And really… we might now want to know.

_Ninjas (The Movie) The End!_

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Yes... this is sadly the end. OF THE MOVIE :D. Not Akatsuki Cosplay Cafe. Although I do think there are two... three more chapters left to go. I'm so sad that this is ending sooner than I had expected D:. Well, I'll always have the Cosplay Conspiracy if I go through with it... so it's not really the end :D.

I hope you all enjoyed! And next chapter we shall see just how well the movie turned out for our Akatsuki members 8D. Till next time! _  
_


	34. Decisions To Make

Short A/N for you all. Just make sure to check out the bottom. Very important stuff, yo.

**Warning: The usual. A drunk blonde. And insane humor. No cracks. Saving that for the last chapter.**

**Disclaimer: Sigh... must I really say it? FINE! I do not own Naruto... -cries- v.v**

* * *

**Akatsuki Cosplay Café**

**Chapter Thirty-Four: Decisions To Make**

The Akatsuki Cosplay Café didn't know it yet, but their lives were about to change for the better. Or it could change for the comically worse. It's all about how you look at it, though. When you're dealing with the Akatsuki, it's pretty much comical either way.

Here's why:

A man, around the age thirty-four – though he would be quick to lip you off saying he was twenty-four – was glued to his seat destroying the replay button on YouTube. What was he watching, you want to know? Well, it was none other than _Ninjas (The Movie)_! It was a hit! The plot was exceptional. The acting was immaculate. The actors were not only handsome, they had their own sets of quirks and their homosexuality was at just the right angle to hit it off with the teenage girl community. But the action and humorous mind games appealed greatly with the teenage boy community as well. Housewives could sit at home and watch hot men in Cosplay, and working men could sit at work and watch a warehouse exploding into smithereens. If that's not a great stress reliever, then nothing was.

The man snorted once more as he read over the credits for the fiftieth time. _No stuffed bunnies were harmed in the making of this movie, but a few stuffed pandas might have been. All sex that you seen on screen has been censored – damn! – only because Tachi would have skinned my ass if I didn't otherwise. _

This man _had _to meet these people – these… geniuses! They would be a hit in America. Especially in the hustle and bustle of New York where just about every damn thing in the world melted together in one, huge mixing pot. He could see it now. The lines of women and men alike standing outside a moderately sized café. Oh, perhaps it should be a sky blue lined in white, or maybe a nice pink that would stand out in the city of New York. Oh yeah, this man's imagination was definitely going haywire. And he _loved _it.

"That's it. I'm contacting these people right now." Nodding to himself at yet another brilliant idea, he dragged his cursor over to the glittering blue link to the Akatsuki Cosplay Café's homepage. Praise the Lord the site was translated in English because although the man was well spoken in many languages, Japanese wasn't his strongest. Sure, he could carry on a conversation rather well, it was the reading of letters that got him all jumbled up. Anyway, the man found the e-mail icon and quickly started to click away on his keyboard. Once he was satisfied, he dragged his cursor over to the SEND button… and clicked.

+Akatsuki Cosplay Café+

"Oi, Weasel-san! We've got another e-mail. That's the twentieth one today!" Though the massive amounts of emails and notifications the Cosplayers were receiving had become an everyday thing now. Ever since they posted their movie online, the hits kept on coming and coming. Not only that, there were so many visitors on their homepage that the site had crashed a few times. Praise the Lord Mr. Snuggles knew his way around computers… with Pein's help of course. Among the e-mails and comments were some lewd photos, questions on when the group were going to start their world-wide tour of Cosplay Domination, resumes, and job offers. Itachi had ignored a few, laughed at a few, completed snorted at some, and then others he saved for later – especially the business offers. Some of them were just too good to refuse, you know.

Itachi nodded and ushered Hidan over so he could get to the computer. Oh no. Hidan would have none of the brush off! Smirking, Hidan grabbed his love by the waist and dragged him down to his lap. On any other day Itachi would have probably smacked him over the head. Or worse! He might have even banned him from the bedroom for a week among other horrible threats. Thankfully, all the positive feedback – though there were some negative feedback too, the Cosplayers took them all on like men – had raised Itachi's spirits. So much so that almost every naughty, cute, or downright silly pass Hidan made at him, Itachi allowed it.

It was such a thrilling experience!

"Hidan, just so you know, once my Happy High is over I'll personally shoved my high hell pumps right up your cute little asshole." Itachi replied calmly as he started to sift through letters. They were the usual, as always, though one stood out amongst the rest.

"Mr. Sparks, huh?" Hidan rested his chin on top of Itachi's shoulder and held him close. "What does he want? Oh! Maybe he's another fashion designer like Vera Wang. Damn that girl had a flair for chic…"

"If you've stopped drooling on my shoulder, I'll read the e-mail now." Itachi clicked open the e-mail and scrolled down, voicing out the most important words that jumped out at him. "Wonderful movie… You're all geniuses" – Itachi had to snort at that, most of his workers were idiots… sometimes. – "Offer to work with me in America… Will make your wildest dreams come true… The money will be worth it. Money, huh? How much is he… Oh holy shit."

"What? Is he offering too little?" Hidan wanted to know and craned his neck to see. "If he is we can just – Oh holy shit is right…"

Damn those were a lot of zeroes… Is that even humanely possible?

Itachi's hands flew over the keyboard at lightning pace, typing in his reply. And damn it… his mind never forgot the sight of those zeroes.

+Akatsuki Cosplay Café+

Naruto sat lazily in-between Sasuke's legs, playing with his fingers as the raven played with his hair. He never realized how good it could feel just to sit next to the person you loved. It was even better since they were both watching their movie for the sixtieth time and Sasuke was adamant on only watching the sex scene over and over again for their… viewing pleasure.

"See? Right there." Sasuke paused the uncensored version one more time on a scene where you got the perfect glimpse of Naruto 'I like Being Fucked' face as Deidara liked to call it. Thankfully Sasuke had toned it down to 'Pleasure Face', which was a lot milder and a hell of a lot less embarrassing. "You looked _soo _hot right there." Sasuke purred.

The blonde shivered vividly as Sasuke blew hot air against his earlobe and then nipped it. Damn him and his seductive mouth! Damn it all to Switzerland! "Y-You think I look hot in _every _scene, Teme…"

Sasuke chuckled. He really couldn't deny that comment because it was true. He simply shrugged his shoulders in a 'what can you do?' kind of way and started to rub circles along Naruto's stomach.

"I only speak the truth."

"Yeah? Well, the truth hurts."

"Not this type of truth…" and then those naughty little hands just _had _to pinch a nipple.

Naruto gasped and a blush stained his cheeks. His nipples were very sensitive and Sasuke just _loved _to tease him about it. The sexy bastard. Sadly, the two couldn't get far in their teasing since Itachi and Hidan had walked in and demanded everyone to meet in the office in five minutes or get smacked by a paddle. When Naruto first learned about the paddle he thought it was a joke and laughed about it for a good ten minutes.

After that, Naruto learned to take the paddle seriously. His aching butt cheeks were a perfect reminder.

"Let's get down to business." Itachi has his general hat on and was standing near a screen with a pointer in his hands. His eyes were narrowed and gleaming, alerting everyone that Itachi was about to dish some serious news and that they should shut up and sit for it. He motioned to Hidan who was manning the projector, and the man hit a button. A picture of Mr. Sparks himself appeared on the screen. He was standing in front of the Statue of Liberty waving the peace sign at the camera. It was a common picture, so everyone thought for a brief second that the man was comment. That thought was instantly erased to oblivion. Itachi would never cut their work time to talk about someone _normal_.

"This," he slapped the screen with the pointer, "Is Mr. Sparks. He's a mix of American and German. Thirty-four years old and divorced. He is currently one of the top producers in the American entertainment business. Now, you all may be wondering: 'What the hell does this have to do with us?' Shut up and listen. You'll find out soon. Next slide, Hidan." The next slide popped up, showing a screen shot of the e-mail Mr. Sparks had sent them prior to the meeting. On cue Hidan shuffled around and handed everyone their own copy of the e-mail, just to be professional. "This is the e-mail Mr. Sparks sent us regarding how much he liked the movie, and how interested he is in sponsoring us. If you check out the highlighted areas, you will find that he has asked us to take our business to America, and slowly start to grow from there until we have a total Akatsuki take-over. I have already sent the man a reply stating that I will have to talk it over with my team before we make a move. Soo…" Itachi rested his palms against the table and leaned forward, "What do you say about moving to America?"

The first time in Akatsuki Cosplay history the room was silent.

No one moved. They barely breathed. And Deidara had nearly passed out on the floor. Nearly. Everyone was taking the news differently. Some were overjoyed about the new experience in another country. Some were about to attack Itachi for thinking it was a smart idea to accept such an offer and that Japan was just as nice as America. The rest were sad that they'd have to leave their lives behind to pursue a life of Cosplay and pastries…

Sasori was the first to speak up.

"How long would we be staying overseas if we accept?"

"Mr. Sparks said for about a year or two. Only until we're able to get that branch of the Akatsuki Cosplay Café up and running. You see," another slide appeared, a tree diagram with their café at the top and smaller cafes branching out from underneath it, "right here we are at the top. The main branch of the new corporation. We would have other cafés over the world, where we'd train newcomers in the ways of Cosplay and other business-oriented details. Of course we'd still have our café, and we'd work in it too, but we could make it bigger, larger, then it was before."

Sasori seemed contented enough. It would only be a year, and afterwards they'd still have their café to come back to that was bigger and larger as Itachi said… but something _still _didn't feel right.

Zetsu was the next to speak up.

"Who would look over this Cosplay Kingdom anyway? And how many countries do we plan to spread to?"

Very good questions! Now let's see Itachi's response.

"I will, naturally, take the King role in the kingdom. And we'll only spread to the major countries. America, England, France, Italy, perhaps even Greece. Believe me, Zetsu. There are a lot of people in the world who would _kill _to see hot men dress up and look _good_ in it."

Zetsu was somewhat eased, though something was _still _gnawing at his mind.

Pein stepped up to the bat next.

"What about the competition?" his eyes narrowed as a image of one, stuffed, panda we all know and love fluttered into his mind.

"There most likely will be some popping up here and there once people notice how profitable of a business we have, but that's nothing a few sabotages here and there couldn't fix…" Itachi grinned like the Cheshire Cat on its birthday.

Pein mirrored the grin, though it lacked any real spirit.

Finally, Naruto voiced what was on everyone's mind.

"What about us?"

The older raven cocked an eyebrow, and then narrowed his eyes at the blonde. It wasn't in anger at the question more like… confusion.

"What do you mean?"

"Welll…" Naruto drawled, scratching the back of his head nervously. "This café was built so we could all let loose, you know? Be ourselves. And actually be _liked _for it. Now we get this opportunity to grow but… isn't what drew customers here in the first place was the café's uniqueness? I mean, we're one of a kind! You can't just go down the street and find another café that operates as well as we do. If we start this world domination crap… I think the feeling could be… lost."

"Naruto has a point," Sasuke continued. "I'm not saying the idea isn't good. Because it is. And I can see the benefits as well. But if we say yes to the idea we don't know how well other places will accept 'us'. There are a lot of narrow-minded people in the world and not everyone is going to rush in with open arms."

Naruto nodded feverishly, feeling the adrenaline of a wonderful argument pumping through their veins. "This café is our _home_. The one _you _brought up. If we change it… won't that be changing everything you worked so hard for? All I'm saying is, if we make the move, we shouldn't think about ourselves. At least get the customers involved and say what they think about Akatsuki going worldwide."

Once again the room fell in silence as they allowed the blonde and raven's words to seep in. It was a valid argument. Even Itachi had hard time putting on his prick mask and tearing them down with his words. The café was his home. They were his family. And the customers… well… they were like the aunts, uncles, nieces, and nephews that were twice or thrice removed. He took a great pride in what he had accomplished on his own – no, it wasn't on his own. Everyone here had contributed their personality, ideas, and dreams into this café and now look at turn out. It was great! The themes were a hit. The customers were happy. And Itachi could have his weekly money baths now and not worry about running out of natural resources.

Life was good as it is.

_But it could be better_.

Damn that provocative voice in Itachi's head!

Gaara – about time – simply snorted and said, "Wow. I think that was the most common sense I've ever heard come out of Ru's mouth. It was rather cute."

"Bastard!" Naruto snarled and rose up his dukes! "I thought you liked me! Where the hell did that come from?"

"Oh. I do like you. But I'm also blunt. So…" he shrugged carelessly and let the rest of the sentence hang in the air. _Shut up and suck it up. _

Itachi sighed, though a small smile was forming on his lips as he watched his team explode into their more, vibrant selves. A quite Akatsuki was one to be feared, but only because they were acting serious and not… well… insane.

After the vibrancy toned down a little, everyone turned back to Itachi expectantly. They all wanted an answer, and although it could be the one they least wanted to hear, they would support Itachi no matter what because he was their boss, their 'Father', the leader, and their friend, lover, and older brother. Family stuck together. And really, if they thought about it, they could think of the café expanding as renovating a house, making it bigger and better so it not only made the family living inside happy, but gave them something to show off to their friends.

_Sooo…?_

The silent question hung in the air before Itachi finally admitted defeat… reluctantly.

"Fine. We won't move—" cheers broke out amongst the Akatsuki members before Itachi's pointer loudly snapped in half and they all had to face the expression of a _true _demon. Good. Be scared. Pee in your skimpy little pants and skirts and or shorts. Itachi loved to see them squirm. "—Listen to me before you whip out the champagne bottle, _Deidara_. Good. Now where was I? Right. Moving. We won't move _unless _we get a positive feedback from the customers. We have to think on a bigger scale, gentlemen. As much as I love this café with my heart and soul, I'm also a businessman. My goal is to make everyone happy with Cosplay. And if that means we have to take a boat every once in a while, or fly a plane, to build a new café from the ground up then fine. If that's what it takes. I won't force you all to come with me. You can stay here if you wish and man the fort. But I'm telling you now… nothing stops me from getting what I want." After exhaling a breath from his long speech of determination and power, Itachi flashed a grin that would have left normal people squirming in pleasure, but sent the Cosplay members rigid for another assault. "So… who's ready for the Red Carpet and After Party?"

+Akatsuki Cosplay Café+

"Who gave Naruto fucking _alcohol? _Tell me! I will personally rip out their vocal chords." Sasuke snarled, but Deidara and Kisame kept on laughing and laughing. And you can't possibly answer a question when you're laughing your ass off now can you? Sasuke thought he could maim these men right now and put their skins as rugs for his fireplace. Those _idiots _probably thought it was funny to spike Naruto's drink. Funny was _not _the right word to describe it. More like a horny, whiny, pheromone-producing blonde with no shame whatsoever. Just before Sasuke was prying Naruto off someone _again _before a hand delved into his pants or Naruto started to stip. It was annoying. It was obnoxious. It was slightly a turn on… hehe, but more so annoying!

"Bahaha… D-Did you see? Kit-chan nearly had that dude coming!" Deidara cackled with laughter as he clutched his sides. They were about to explode from all his cackling!

"Kekeke! That dude never saw it _coming _when Naruto vaulted on him!" What is with these people and the coming puns? Really! Grow up guys.

"I'm. Going. To. . Both." Sasuke was about to go kamikaze on their asses when Naruto tugged him by the tie and pulled him for a sloppy kiss. He fell for it, at first, even letting Naruto nibble on his bottom lip. Then the nibble turned into an all out chomp that threatened to rip Sasuke's bottom lip from his face and common sense finally returned. Damn…

"Sasuuu! Let's fuuuckah." Naruto purred and started to grope Sasuke's ass.

Sasuke swatted the hand away – almost reluctantly – and shot another death glare and the cackling duo. "Fix him. _Now!_"

"Well I'm not very fond of neutering but if you really want me to…" Kisame grinned like the devil on a good day and Sasuke hit upside the head.

"I didn't mean it like _that_!"

"You could always fuck him." Ah, Deidara. Always the voice of reason. "Whaaat?" he shrugged off the glare he was getting and jammed a finger in his ear. "Is it my fault that Kit-chan drank the punch? I never _told _him to do it. So can you really hold me responsible?"

"You _spiked _his drink!" Sasuke shot back. He should learn that there's no arguing against Deidara's form of logic.

Deidara snorted. "And you act like that makes me the perpetrator." Rolling his eyes, Deidara hastily pulled himself up from the floor and brushed off the dust over his dress suit. After all it was their Red Carpet night and shortly after would be the After Party (Yeah, who would have guessed?). So they had to dress up and look spiffy. Though Deidara and Kisame had took it upon themselves to spike Naruto's drink just so they could see what would happen. They were not disappointed.

"Is your ass jealous of the shit that comes out of your mouth?" the raven spat out and Deidara tossed a bored look over his shoulder.

"No. But I've heard a few people say that they were jealous of the moans that came out of my mouth. So who knows?" he shrugged, flipped his hair over his shoulder, and walked off to find Sasori.

It was a miracle how Sasuke didn't go insane just standing _next _to the taller blonde.

"Oiiii! Sasssuuu! Lemme give yah a butt massage, kay?" Naruto winked and wiggled his fingers around to get the 'magic' flowing.

"Don't you _dare _make a grab at my ass, Naruto or I swear—" the raven was cut off by the loud thump that emitted from Naruto. Oh great. The idiot had passed out on him randomly… again.

"Is Naruto dead?" Pein asked calmly, bending down to poke the limp body on the ground.

"Not _yet_." Sasuke hissed and yanked Naruto up in his arms. This Red Carpet thingy was supposed to be fun, right? So where the hell was all the fun? Sighing, Sasuke was over the moon hearing his brother's voice come over the installed speakers saying that after the movie showing – with extended scenes, uncensored sex, and much, much more! – that they'd roll right into the after party. The raven took that as his cue to plop down on a nearby loveseat and take a much needed break. Who would have thought that babysitting a drunk blonde was so much trouble?

"Nngh… F-Fuck…" Naruto groaned. He felt like he was about to have another helping of lunch… though it would be going out then in.

"No. I will not fuck you, Naruto." Sasuke still thought the blonde was drunk.

"W-What? Hell no… I'm don't wanna fuck." He replied miserably and snuggled into Sasuke's chest for comfort. "I hate alcohol…"

Sasuke snorted and placed a soft kiss on the blonde's throbbing temple. "Tell me about it."

+Akatsuki Cosplay Café+

The after party was a hit, obviously. And everyone was having a good time. After Naruto came down from his hangover, the Cosplay members started to have one-on-one dances with some very lucky customers. Deidara always went after the 'Panties' as he so lewdly called the girls because some of the men that approached him were… big. Very big. Like, they would curb stomp you to the ground with their pinky toe, big. Likewise Sasori only stuck with dancing to boys because the girls that came up to him had all but tried cunningly to have their way with him. Yeah. Sasori would have none of that!

Everyone else accepted invitations from everyone else until they all seemingly found their lovers to share a dance. Granted Gaara and Sai were paired together, though their relationship was strictly platonic. And Tobi and Kiba… well… let's just say Tobi wouldn't have let Kiba escape this one even if he tried.

After the sweet and carefree part of the party was done, Itachi got down to business. Hidan had handed him a microphone and he was now self-preparing himself for his big speech. Tonight would either make or break his decision. Thinking realistically, he guessed that most wouldn't really care if they decided to go abroad since they'd be coming back anyways. But he knew his customers better than that. His family and his customers had a bond that went beyond that of a normal business relationship. No. They would not start sharing beauty tips and secrets, but Itachi had come to rather like a few of them. Though most were just down right crazy in his mind.

"Everyone… I have an announcement to make." He began, and captivated everyone with his voice as he went into detail about Mr. Sparks' proposition, what it would mean for the Akatsuki and the café, and that they would love to have their opinions on it since it would determine whether they stayed or whether they went. It was nerve-wracking, really, hearing the whispers float around the crowd yet no one had truly spoken up yet. Itachi was about to break the microphone in half when one teenage girl stepped out from the crowd.

"I think it's a great idea." She gushed, though her smile was proud and strong. "I have a cousin over in France who would _die _to have a café like this in Paris." She giggled, "She absolutely hates it when I brag about you guys."

Murmurs of agreements swooped around the room once more until a boy, probably a little older than eighteen, stepped up to the plate.

"I can't really say I agree on this. I mean like, you guys are so… _different_! Something only we have! This place has become my escape, my secret, and I would love to keep it like that, you know? Not everyone in the world has something like this… and I don't want to sound rude but I'm really not that into sharing."

A few chuckles flew here and there, but Itachi was taking everyone's opinions into account. By the end of the night, he had gotten mixed reviews on their decision. Everyone had brought up valid points and views, though that made the choice even harder to make. As the last customers exited the café, giving their thanks and support for whatever decision they made, Itachi found himself seeking the support of no one other than Hidan.

"You know what ever voice you make I'll support you no matter what, right?" Hidan dropped his broom to hold Itachi close in his arms. He hated seeing his weasel so stressed and at a crossroads.

"I know." Itachi whispered and leaned his head on Hidan's shoulder. "I just wish the decision wasn't so damn hard."

"Flip a coin?"

"I might actually take you up on that…"

"It was a joke, Weasel-san! Seriously, though. Sleep on it. And if you can't decide _then _you can flip a coin."

Itachi nodded, though he had to hold back a snort. He knew very well he would be losing sleep over this, spending hours upon hours thinking of the pros and cons of both sides. Most likely flipping a coin would be his last an only option…

* * *

You've all heard about the heart of the cards, right? Well now it's the heart of the coin! HAAA! Okay, that wasn't funny. Two things and then you may all review! And yes, I allow anonymous reviewers as well ;D. So I would like to hear your opinions on this.

One: I'll be going to Jamaica for two weeks to visit family. I'll try to write as much as I can while I'm gone, but you most likely won't get any updates. I shall make it up to you when I return! Pinky promise ;).

Two: Would you all like me to write **The Cosplay Conspiracy**? I was thinking of just doing short drabbles of funny, fluffy, lemon-y, or maybe even dark for the Cosplay members to be involved in. I have a few ideas so far, and you could call it a sequel but it's more or less likely a spin-off. So. If you have any drabble ideas or suggestions, or just comments. Please do share!

Well. That's all. Now all of you must review! Because you know you want too ;D. Thoughts and comments will do. Should they go to America or not... ;D. They can head over on the Mayflower ;o! Hahaha... Okay. I'll stop.

Till two weeks next time :3. I LOVE YOU ALL. Don't forget me for I will not forget you D:


	35. An Ending to End With

I'M BACCCCKKK FROM VACATION! -throws confetti- It was such a good trip. I really needed it.

Guys, this is the end. D: I am SO sad to see this story end, it was so much fun to write despite what bad things I heard about it! But you know what? It's their opinions, and really I write for myself AND to please the readers that actually do enjoy my stories. I understand my writing style may be a little weird, I have constant spelling mistakes and simply stupid mistakes in general, but I'm growing as a writer. And mistakes help you grow!

I personally enjoyed this story. But I'm probably saying that because I wrote this and I'm in love with most of my stories... hehe.

ANYWHO! Two more things before I send you off to read. For my little drabbles collections for this universe, the more ideas and plots I get the better. I have a few so far, but I'd really like to hear what you guys want as well. It can be freestanding too, if you wish. But anything works.

And secondly, if I don't get the drabbles out early enough, I do have other Naruto fics in the work. If you'd like to see one posted here (or any other fic not related to Naruto) just check out my mediaminer account & tell me which one you'd like to see. The link's on my profile page. Sorry, they paragraphs are not spaced out D: idk how to fix that...

Alright. Very long A/N. I'm sorry! Now go read. You don't really need a warning and disclaimer, right? ;D

* * *

**Akatsuki Cosplay Café**

**Chapter Thirty-Five: An Ending to End With**

Itachi was serious. No. Scratch that and start over. Itachi was _dead _serious. No. Not even that. Itachi was sexy… uh, seriously serious! Yeah. That's what he was. Onyx eyes were narrowed at his fist. It was shaking violently; for today was the day the decision would be made! Dun, dun, dun!

"Soo…" Naruto leaned back and forth on his heels, an expectant look gleaming in his eyes. "Do we stay or do we go?"

There was a brief minute of silence before Itachi opened his mouth and said, "I don't know."

Another moment of brief silence ensued, more out of shock than anything else. Some had their jaws dangling near the floor. Others were cursing the man where he stood for being so indecisive – a trait that was totally unlike their leader. And people, like Gaara for example, wanted answers.

"What do you mean you don't know?"

"Exactly what I said."

"I'm not playing here."

Itachi narrowed his eyes at his unruly servant. How dare he speak out of line to the king? Off with your head! "I'm not playing, either. I really don't know what to do. Leaving for America has its benefits, obviously, but staying here could also benefit us as well. But with the many advantages, there are serious drawbacks as well. And if you haven't noticed by now—" Itachi paused to point at the bags under his eyes, "—the lack of sleep isn't improving the situation."

"So what are you going to do?" Sasuke cocked an eyebrow. He wanted Itachi to make a decision as quickly as possible, just like everyone else. What the hell were they supposed to do if their somewhat beloved leader and father-figure was having a mini-breakdown?

"After many grueling answers, I've finally come up with a solution." Rummaging through his pocket, the older raven fished out a quarter and held it up for everyone to see. "Heads we stay. Tails we leave. Sound good?"

"Weasel-san, I was joking about the coin toss!" Hidan whined. He knew Itachi could blow things out of proportion in a comically serious way (if that makes sense). And take things to the extreme on more than one occasion. But this? Actually taking his coin toss idea seriously? Hidan didn't even want to wrap his mind around what went around in his lover's mind.

"I told you I'd think about doing it." He did, actually. Obviously Hidan didn't feel like zoning in on that aspect. Lazily examining the coin in his hand, he raised his eyes to glance at his Cosplay members. "Well? Opinions, anyone?"

The Cosplay members looked amongst themselves, wondering who would be the first one to step up to the plate. Surprising most of them, Pein stepped up and simply shrugged his shoulders.

"It's better than standing here and arguing on what to do. I say go for it." Then he turned to Mr. Snuggles, because his opinion mattered too. "Mr. Snuggles agrees with me."

Kisame was next, lighting up his third cigarette today. Only to have it slapped out of his hands by a rather sour-looking Zetsu. Scowling, Kisame said, "I can't believe the fate of our business lies on a _fucking _coin." He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "Well, whatever. As long as we make a decision."

Nods and mummers of agreements floated around the room and Itachi was seemingly pleased. See? The coin was the solution to everything! Long live the quarter!

"Alright then. So like I said before: Heads we stay. Tails we go." There was a brief pause. The whole world felt like it was placed on Itachi's shoulders to carry the burden. Their fate would literally be decided by a flip of a cone. Well… two out of three flips of a coin, but you get the point. Time seemed to stop moving all together as Itachi positioned the quarter over his thumb, ready to flick it in the air.

"What are you waiting for?" Sasori asked impatiently. "Flip the fucking coin already."

+Akatsuki Cosplay Café: One Week Later+

"There… all finished." Naruto released a sigh and plopped down on top of his suitcase. Itachi had said to pack only the necessities: a change of clothes, shoes, sunscreen, twelve condoms (Deidara's idea, not his) and the other things people need when they go away. It had been one hell of a day spent on packing, but Naruto could say with proud confidence that everything was packed and he was ready to leave Tokyo!

A knock on the door signaled Sasuke's arrival, and without much of a hello he walked in.

"What happened to a greeting?" Naruto asked innocently.

Sasuke scoffed, walking over to sit beside Naruto on the bed. With the extra leverage, Naruto was about a head and a half taller than Sasuke. The raven could have none of this, though! Most likely his superiority complex kicking into overdrive. So, with the grace of a prince, Sasuke shoved his love off the suitcase and chuckled at the _oof _Naruto made when he landed on the bed.

"Hello," Sasuke you are such a bastard, but your smirk is very sexy.

Naruto huffed, sat himself upwards, and not-so-nicely shoved Sasuke on the shoulder. "Hello to you too."

Then of course, Sasuke shoved Naruto right back in a 'friendly' manner. "Everything packed?"

Naruto snorted and shoved in retaliation. "Yup. And you?"

A shove, "Just got finished."

There was a moment of silence. A war at a standstill waiting to see who would make the next – and probably the finishing – move. Blue eyes clashed with onyx eyes, a skilled eyebrow raised mightily in the air watching his adversary closely. Judging by personality, Naruto would be the first to make the move. However, if we went by the unpredictability of one's nature, Sasuke would be the one to take the plunge. As it seems, Sasuke really was the first one to make the move. Though he didn't really _shove_. It was more of a push that lead to him leaning on top of Naruto with his lips pressed to the blonde's.

Yeah, funny how things happen like that.

"Why are you always horny…?" Naruto panted, cheeks flushed and eyes half-lidded as Sasuke gently attacked his neck. He left small bruises and electric tingles in his wake.

"Because I'm always around you." There was a damned smirk on Sasuke's face. Naruto could very well _hear _it.

"That doesn't justify any—mmm," gotta love that pesky little tongue. It's very skilled in the art of cutting people off.

Their tongues played with each other in a sensual game of tag. They slipped and slide in and out of the other's mouth, being sucked on once they entered the cave of the monster lurking inside, waiting to ravish its prey. Things were slowly starting to heat up, too. Hands were taking the time to explore every piece of skin as if it were unmapped territory. Mouths nibbled and sucked on plump, red lips. And hips were grinding wantonly against hips. The two would have gotten rather far too – Naruto's pants _were _unzipped and Sasuke's hands _were _getting dangerously close to his dick – but the door was rudely ripped off its hinges and a mass of fiery inferno stood at the door with a smirking Itachi standing behind him.

"Kit, I thought I told yah to dump the bitch! He ain't doing no good for yah."

"Fuuuuck," Naruto drawled. His head landed on Sasuke's shoulder, a sigh of complete annoyance escaped his lips. Just when he was getting in to the mood too, his freaking bastard of an Uncle had to walk in and ruin it! Who the hell invited him anyways? Naruto looked over the shoulder and glared at the raven who was responsible for this. 'Damn you, Itachi! Damn you to freaking Switzerland!'

"I thought I told you two to start packing, not fucking." Itachi shook his head in mock shame, reveling in the growl that came from both his brother's and Naruto's lips. Score one for Itachi! It was always a good day when he could interrupt his little brother's fun.

"We already _finished_ packing." Sasuke grounded out. Being interrupted before his sexual desires could be realized was _not _helping the younger raven one bit. Reluctantly, Sasuke pulled himself off of Naruto to lean back against the headboard. Naruto followed his movements and positioned himself between Sasuke's legs, resting his head on the boy's shoulder while Sasuke wrapped his arms around his waist. Whether it was all for show, or a true declaration of Love, Kyuubi and Itachi didn't know – nor did they care to an extent.

"So you decided it was okay to start fucking?"

"Naturally."

"Hormonal teenagers…" Itachi muttered.

Naruto scoffed. "Like you're one to talk. And Uncle Kyuubi, why the hell are you here? You know Dad already gave up on taking me to America. Sasuke and I aren't going to break up anytime soon. So why do you find the _need _to interrupt us?"

Kyuubi unkindly whacked his ungrateful nephew on the head and went on a _very _long lecture on how kids should respect their elders. The lecture actually lasted for five minutes until Kyuubi quickly changed topics to more, pressing matters.

"You know, Kit. I didn't _have _to come here and walk in on you sucking face. But I _did_. Because that's what family _does_. And if you start to turn your back on family, boy—"

"Get on with it, Uncle!"

Kyuubi snorted and stomped into the room, jabbing a reprimanding finger at the boy's face. "Your father's getting married."

Naruto blinked. Once, twice, three times before he let out a very intelligent, "Huh?"

"Yeah." Kyuubi snorted and folded his arms across his chest, "That's what I said too! I swear my family is littered with homosexuals! Am I the only straight man left?"

"Don't worry. It's probably all in the genes. You'll realize you're gay sooner or later." You gotta love Itachi's pep talks, especially when their original intentions were to make the person feel _worse _not better.

"I hate you all. So much." Kyuubi spat out, slapping the offending arm that was squeezing his shoulder.

"Can we get back to the main issue here?" Naruto snapped. He wiggled out of Sasuke's grasp and stalked over to his uncle to glare at him. "Since when is Dad getting married?"

"Since he told me this morning. He said he asked his fiancé a few days ago, and the dude said yes." Kyuubi shrugged, "Your pops said he wanted you to be the flower girl, by the way."

"No way in _hell _am I going to walk up an aisle spreading _flowers_!"

"I don't know, Dobe. I think you'd look rather cute as a flower girl." Sasuke brushed off the blonde's death glare with a chuckle.

Itachi already had his trusted pen in his right hand, and his omnipotent notebook in the other. A wedding? How in the world had he not thought of such a brilliant idea sooner? The members were already paired and in love. It was only a matter of time until one of them decided to put the ring on. Everyone even had a part to play somehow. Mr. Snuggles would be the ring bearer. Deidara was definitely the flower girl. Kisame would be the wedding planner. Zetsu would be Kisame's assistant. Itachi would, of course, be the best man. Hidan would be the pianist because of his kick ass skills on the instrument. Pein would be the priest. Tobi would be the father of the groom, leaving Kiba, Gaara, and Sai to act as friends and family.

So where did that leave Naruto and Sasuke? Well, duh! Obviously they would be the bride and groom silly people! Couldn't you just see Naruto in a lovely bride's dress?

"Itachi don't you _dare _think about planning a wedding!" Sasuke hissed. The only reply he got was the sound of a pen clicking and a smug smile painting Itachi's face. He _really _wanted to wipe that look off.

"Too late." And that was that.

Kyuubi mumbled something under his breath about fairies and how they have no shame then turned to Naruto and motioned to his suitcase. "You packed yer whole closet in there?"

"No! Just the essentials like I was told." Naruto huffed.

"Yah could have fooled me." Kyuubi walked over to the closet and yanked it open, surprised to see that more than half of the clothes were still there. Also there were some unused game boxes littering the top self. And ohhhh… was that what Kyuubi _thought _it was? "Really, Kit? You keep your porn _here_?" he scoffed and pulled one of the DVD's and read the title. _'The Many Expressions of Sasuke Uchiha'_. Oh… My… God…

"Don't look at that!" Naruto vaulted towards the man he begrudgingly called his uncle and grabbed for the DVD, only to have it moved higher from his grasp.

"I can't believe this shit…" Kyuubi shook his head and made a repulsed sound. The DVD felt like it was literally burning his fingers so he chucked it as far as possible. Which meant that the DVD hit the wall and slid down to the floor. "And to think I was actually considering letting you go to the beach with this Fairy Queen." The Fairy Queen being Itachi, obviously. The comment made the Fairy Queen twitch slightly. "That's it. I'm coming with yah."

"What? No! You are _not!_ Do you hear me? Read my lips old man! You. Are. Not. Coming!"

"And what makes you think you can stop me, Kit?" Kyuubi asked, leaning down so he was face to face with Naruto. A wry smile tugged at his lips when all he got was a growl, a few choice words in his face, and a huffing Naruto. Oh yeah. He was definitely crashing this trip.

"As interesting as it would be having you come along with us, I must say that this trip is _employee _only." Itachi squeezed the man's shoulder a little _too _tightly, secretly enjoying how the man let out a small yelp and cringed under his grip. Overpowering for the win! He smiled like a pure gentleman and said, "I'll make sure to post the pictures of our trip on the café website if you're truly interested."

"Y-Yeah… I think I'll do that…" Kyuubi muttered weakly. He let out a huge sigh of relief when Itachi released his shoulder out of that death grip. Rotating his shoulder to make sure his shoulder wasn't dislocated, Kyuubi shot a glare towards the younger Uchiha and jabbed his finger in his direction. "If I see _any _pictures of yah screwing my nephew I will rip off yer balls and feed them to my Toy Poodle. Are we clear?"

Sasuke snorted, a devilish grin taking over his face. "You have a Toy Poodle?"

"Not the point here!"

"That Toy Poodle is a monster from Hell…" Naruto shivered, recounting the many, horrible, encounters he had with the demon puppy.

"A demon Toy Poodle?" Itachi asked with a smirk. Well, the man had simply heard _everything _by now, so a demonic Toy Poodle wouldn't be that much of a surprise.

Since the conversation was starting to go on a path Kyuubi did not like, the man excused himself, slamming the door on the way out. Naruto could have sworn he heard the man mutter something about fairies having very short attention spans…

"So…" Naruto plopped back on his suitcase, crossed his legs, and flashed his favorite ravens a brilliant smile. "Is the carpool here yet?"

"They've been here for the past ten minutes now." Itachi nodded. Walking over to the window, he opened it and stuck his head out to stare down at the ground below. Sitting at the front of Naruto's apartment were two black and green mini-vans both trying to out honk each other. So far, it seemed like the black mini-van was winning. Itachi shook his head and pulled out of the window. His employees were idiots. But he supposed since he was the person to hire them that he was at fault for it, barely.

"They're going to get themselves arrested." Sasuke covered his ears with a frown. Didn't they know that they were disturbing the peace? Where was their shame?

"I always thought a Jail theme for the café would be hot…" Itachi pondered on the thought for quite awhile as he made his way downstairs to confront his idiot employees.

With a sigh, Naruto jumped up and grabbed his way too heavy suitcase. The stairs looked like they were mocking him at the moment. They promised a horrible boo-boo if he tripped down the stairs carrying his suitcase. Thankfully, Sasuke saw his boyfriend struggling and gently eased the suitcase out of his grasp.

"Thought you could use some help." He said with a smile.

Naruto frowned, though it couldn't stay on his face for long. His smile was small, but spoke many volumes as Naruto linked his arm with Sasuke's. "What a gentleman. I do hope you'll also be opening the car door for me and offer a foot massage."

Sasuke chuckled, leading his blonde down the flight of stairs. Naruto had a horrible British accent but it was always entertaining to see him try. "I'll offer to massage something else." He purred seductively in the blonde's ear.

Naruto shivered vividly. And it took all his willpower to not drop his house keys as he locked the front door. "My uncle was serious about ripping your balls off and feeding it to his dog."

The raven shrugged as they made their way to the two mini-vans. They were going to be driving in the green one so he simply got the key from Deidara, the driver (oh boy), and opened the trunk. Once he had thrown the luggage inside, he slid into the back where Naruto was sitting and wrapped a loving arm around him. Naruto instantly snuggled as close as the seatbelt would allow and Sasuke rested his head on the blonde's hair.

"You know…" he said after the car started to move, the scenery rapidly changing behind the glass. "I think I'd risk the loss of my male parts if it meant I'd get to touch you as much as I pleased."

Naruto chuckled and played with Sasuke's fingers. "Sasuke Uchiha. You are _truly _insane."

+Akatsuki Cosplay Café: Beach Time!+

"Have you ever heard of the song that goes: _We made love by the ocean, as the waves crashed around you. Sunsets never looked so bright, and the skies never so blue._"

How could Naruto _not _know that song? He practically raped the replay button over and over again when he listened to _Jamie all Over _by _Mayday Parade. _Most people called that sort of music angsty and the chicken soup for the misguided teenage soul. But to Naruto and Sasuke, many of their favorite songs came from that band.

The two were walking on the beach; both wanting to get away from the craziness that always seemed to envelop the Cosplay members no matter where they were. If it wasn't Itachi going down on Hidan, then it was Deidara and Sasori finding new ways to fuck one another on the pearly sand. Everyone else was just being their psychotic selves. Sure, Sasuke and Naruto normally loved the turbulent atmosphere because anything and everything could happen, but today it all seemed… annoying. It had been so long since the two had some quality time together. Sure, they met up every time they were free from work and school, but that was very rare nowadays. Thankfully it was finally summer vacation. And their high school career was finally done! This was the perfect time to celebrate, right?

That's why, when Itachi did he coin toss and ended up with tails, the first thing to fly out of everyone's mouth was: "Vacation!" Of course Itachi was bummed watching his fantasy empire crumble before it could even stand, but with some serious comfort sex from Hidan he was able to overcome his disappoint and enjoy his beach vacation! It was the middle of the day when they arrived, so the beach was pretty crowded. Itachi had found that as his opportunity to put on the show, and Sasuke and Naruto had found themselves more than once put on the spot by an impromptu performance. Not that they _minded _being put on the spot of course… It was pretty fun for a while, but soon they both were getting rather annoyed with having to please other before themselves, so that's why when things finally quieted down and the beach was left to the Cosplay members, Naruto and Sasuke made their escape.

Now our favorite raven and blonde were walking hand in hand down the beach chatting idly and simply enjoying one another's company. The sun was setting over the ocean, and its rays of gold scattered over top of the ocean, leaving it glittering. Waves crashed against their feet, sand got stuck in their toes, and every once in awhile Naruto would bend down to pick up a seashell and put it up to his ear. He swore he could hear the ocean, but Sasuke told him that the only thing he was hearing was the air blowing through his empty skull. Score one for the raven!

"You're such an asshole." Naruto muttered, though he didn't throw away the seashell. Despite Sasuke's cutting words, the shell was _very _pretty and Naruto was going to take it as a memento of his trip.

Sasuke snorted. "Yet you chose to go out with me, the asshole? Does that make you the dumbass?"

"Okay. So you're in a really good mood right now. Or else you wouldn't be making all these jabs towards my pride."

"So you noticed?" Sasuke asked with a smile, though it was easily shot down when he was faced with Naruto's too-cute-for-words pout. Sometimes Sasuke vaguely wondered if Naruto was aware of his powerful trump card and used it whenever it was convenient for him. Sighing, he really was no match for Naruto; he leaned forward and placed a kiss on Naruto's inviting lips. The kiss started out innocent enough. Until Naruto got the crazy notion to wrap his arms around Sasuke's neck and run his tongue along his bottom lip. After that their lip lock turned a little more… intense.

Someway or another, they ended up on the sand. Legs and arms entangled, hands clasped, and Sasuke slowly rocking back and forth inside of Naruto, devouring those seductive lips and eating those delicious moans. The waves crashed around them, and the sunset never looked so bright as the boys got lost in their passionate romp. Their body moved in perfect harmony, and soon they were both coming, screaming out their partner's name. Sasuke threw his head back, hips slowly snapping back and forth as he rode out his pleasure. He collapsed on top of Naruto. The sweat clung to their bodies. Their breaths were shallow as they tried to calm down from their high. They had missed this. The feeling of being connected, experiencing pleasure together. It had been _way _too long since they've done this. And it felt _way _too good to finally have sex again.

Naruto chuckled weakly as he felt a small wave hit the shore and tickle his toes. He wrapped his arms around Sasuke's lower back and held him close, resting his head in the crook of his neck to inhale his lover's scent. Daaamn he smelled amazing… The scent was so intoxicating Naruto's cock twitched. Sasuke smiled lazily, leaning back so he could get a good look at the lustful face of his lover. He was so close to taking another taste of those delicious lips when a huge wave crashed over them and drenched them both.

"What the fuck!" Naruto screamed, shaking the water out of his hair, eyes, and ears. Way to go Mother Nature! You ruined a perfect yaoi moment!

Sasuke sputtered, glaring daggers at the ocean that was once his friend, but now a formidable enemy. With a sigh, Sasuke reluctantly pulled himself up and stuck out a hand for Naruto, one the blonde didn't refuse to take. Once they were fully standing, Sasuke went in search for their clothes. When they were both dressed, and the afterglow of their sex was sadly diminished, their fingers found their way and interlocked.

"I guess we better go back."

Naruto nodded slowly, not really wanting to go back to the others. He would have been fine staying here for the rest of the night as long as Sasuke was by his side. "I guess so… Last one there's a rotten egg!" he screamed, before running off into the distance.

Sasuke growled low in his throat. Firstly, they were having a beautiful sappy moment! One that was ruined by Naruto's child-like ways, mind you. And secondly… Naruto cheated!

"Cheater!"

Needless to say, Naruto won and Sasuke was a very rotten egg.

+Akatsuki Cosplay Café+

The stars had finally come out to play, and they painted the night sky in their celestial glow. The moon was in crescent shape tonight, but it was still beautiful nonetheless. A huge campfire was lit in the middle of their sleeping grounds and everyone took their place around the pit. Itachi had opted for them to stay in a nice hotel close to the beach, but Deidara and Sasori had adamantly stated that they wanted their first night on vacation to be held outdoors. Itachi was against it at first, of course, but Deidara could be one hell of a persuader when the time arose. With promises of glamorous night shots and scenery for the Cosplay site, the older raven had relented. Now everyone was laughing and joking about, each swiping a marshmallow off of someone's stick when the other wasn't looking. Itachi had to admit – to himself – that it had been a long time since he and his employees had gone out and done anything fun, as 'family' he loosely called it. The past couple of months had all been focused on making his café grow, snuffing out the competition, and beating down whatever comical conflict came their way. Now that everything was said and done, and since they weren't going to be moving to America anytime soon, Itachi felt like they could finally get the break they deserved.

"Hidan if I see you even _look _at my marshmallow I will gut you like a fish." Itachi warned.

Hidan merely pouted and flashed Itachi the big puppy dog eyes. "You're so mean, Weasel-san! Sharing is caring you know!"

"My parents never taught me such a philosophy."

"There's still hope!"

"No, Hidan, there's not. Now go back to roasting your weenie."

Deidara giggled, watching Hidan's shoulders slumped as he bent to Itachi's will. Poor guy still thought he could steal Itachi's marshmallows… silly boy. He turned to his partner and opened his mouth wide saying, "Ahhh". A gooey, nicely roasted, marshmallow entered his lips and he savored the taste of the rough exterior hiding the gooey texture on the inside. And to make matters even more fun Sasori had slipped his tongue inside and devoured Deidara's mouth. Needless to say both males felt _very _stick afterwards.

"So there was this group of teenagers camping out in the woods. One of them goes out to use the bathroom, but he never returns. The group gets all scared and shit and in a game of rock, paper, scissors the scrawny boy was sent to check what happened to their fallen comrade. Minutes turned into hours, and time just seemed to slither like a snail. Then, all of a sudden, they heard a scream. You know the girlish one that boys make when they get kicked in the balls. Smart little bastards they were, they decided that since there were only two of them left, that going out to search for their friends would be the smarter choice. Little did they know they were being followed…"

Kiba gulped and unconsciously huddled closer to Tobi. Not that Tobi minded of course. Oh no, he was milking the closeness for all it was worth. Sneaky little bastard.

"T-Then what happened…?" Kiba asked apprehensively.

Kisame chuckled darkly before reclining back on his log and gazed up at the sky, seemingly lost in thought. "Hmm… what _did _happen?"

"You better not hold out on me!"

"I don't know if you have the balls to listen to the rest of my story, kid. You'll be having nightmares for _weeks_."

"Lay it on me! I _love _scary stories." Lying doesn't make you any more of a man than you already are, Kiba. But it was really enjoyable to see Kiba's body shake and his voice squeak despite how brave he tried to be.

"Welll, if you insist." Kisame flashed him a toothy grin before continuing. "It was dark. Like, 'Oh shit! I can't see my own hands!' dark. And you know that all the creatures that go bump in the night _love _their prey scared and defenseless. The two boys traveled for what seemed like hours, but were actually only a few minutes. The older boy tried to be plucky in the face of danger while the younger one was trying to not shit his pants. Then, a twig snapped, and the older boy darted for the arms of the younger one. The shadows looked like beasts with horrible fangs and terrible snarls. Trees seemed to look more menacing then they already were. And the sounds of the dying filled their ears…" Can you tell that Kisame's enjoying himself right now? It's quite obvious by the way he smirked every few minutes because Kiba was trying his hardest to _not _squeal like a little girl. "Another twig snapped, and by then the two boys was so immobilized that their legs just wouldn't move. A growl echoed through out the night. The will to survive kicked in next, and the older boy was dragging the younger boy through the overgrowth. They couldn't escape their attacker though… and suddenly they found themselves pinned to the ground by the very beast that was stalking them…"

By then, Zetsu had taken his spot behind an unsuspecting Kiba. A wicked grin scarred his face as he wiggled his fingers in anticipation of a good scare. Normally he hated the crazy shenanigans Kisame got into, but tonight just screamed for him to unwind and cut loose. And what better way to do that than scare the living daylights out of a teenage boy?

"D-Did they die…?" Kiba's eyes were wide as saucers as he gripped onto Tobi's shirt like it was the very lifeline keeping his soul on Earth. Of course, Tobi was enjoying every minute of it if his occasional hip thrusts were any indication.

"Did they? I don't remember. Why not ask not ask the beast yourself?"

"The what—AAAHH! Son of a bitch!"

Zetsu was clutching his sides that were about to explode from all his laughter. The plan had worked brilliantly! All he had to do was put on a mask and a pair of gloves and Kiba nearly jumped ten feet in the air from the shock. Score one for them! Kisame was chuckling like a madman, and Tobi was doing his job as overprotective pervert trying to calm his little Kiba down. Needless to say, Kiba never again listened to Kisame's stories. His little heart couldn't take another scare.

The night went on with many awkward kisses, sweet kisses, playful touches, and not so playful touches, until everyone seemed to conjoin together around the huge campfire and enjoy one another's company. It was like one, big, family reunion. Everyone laughed and poked fun at each other. Embarrassing stories were thrown like daggers, and witty retorts were the bitch slaps. After the many months the Cosplay members had been together, it seemed as if this was the first time they really got to spend time together. As a family…

"Okay. Okay. So then Itachi turned into ChiChi, right? And he was all like: 'I ran out of cigarettes!' And I was all like: 'Well what do you want me to about it?' And then he went: 'Let me smoke you!' I swear to Jashin I was about to come right there and then!" Hidan reeled with laughter at the memory of his lovely ChiChi plainly telling him that he wanted to blow him. Sure, Itachi could be rather blunt with his sexual advances. But there was always that teasing undertone and just the right amount of sneakiness hiding beneath the surface. When ChiChi came out it was like all elegance was lost and all that was left was one, very horny, raven. Not that Hidan minded of course…

"I can't believe you have an alter ego…" Sasuke shook his head, though a smile was threatening to crack through.

"It's not an alter ego, Otouto. Think of it as… an escape route. It's not like I can freely adorn a frilly blue dress, a pair of heels, and a matching headband and parade around the café like I own the place."

Kisame scoffed and tore off another marshmallow from the stick. "You pretty much already do that."

Itachi smirked. "Yes. But I don't wear a dress when I do." Touché.

Naruto giggled at the easy banter everyone seemed to slip into. He thought back to the first day he worked in the café, and how he was resenting the idea of working in a place were men wearing frilly dresses was deemed normal and pastries were your breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Then he thought to the many times he was forced into a dress and _hated _it. Especially when someone like Iruka had come in and spotted him in one, that was rather embarrassing… But now he had to admit he rather liked the freedom of wearing a dress. Sure, he couldn't spread his legs as wide as he wanted. And yes, his manhood was dangling in a pair of girly underwear Itachi had slipped on him while unconscious. Dresses could be very comfy.

It amazed him how much he had grown from then till now. He had always dreamed of having a real family, not the ones that run out on you and leave you with a guardian until they randomly decide to take you to America one day. No. He always wanted the family that you could turn to when you cry, ask personal questions, turn for guidance, and just have one hell of a good time. Finally he had found that family in the Cosplay members. Sure, they weren't the most normal family around, but he loved them and their crazy quirks. They reminded him of the Brady Bunch… sort of.

"I've just realized something…" Itachi turned to our favorite blonde and raven and flashed them an award winning smile. "It's been exactly 365 days since you've two joined our café."

"Couldn't you have said one year like a regular person?" Sasuke asked in exasperation.

Now where would the fun be in that, Sasuke?

Itachi brushed off that comment like a ball of lint was on his shoulder and said, "Over the past 365 days since you've joined, a lot of things have happened."

"Tell me about it!" Deidara joined in. His head was resting on Sasori's shoulder and his hand was well… let your imaginations drift a little on that. "I mean. I never dreamed of getting the amount of customers we have now. Let alone such popularity. And then that snake bastard appears out of nowhere for a showdown and we thoroughly whoop his ass like nobody's business!"

"And then Naruto's demented father popped in, injured Naruto's leg, and demanded to take him to America." Sasori added in.

"Yep! Oh, and we can't forget that flashback montage! That was really fun, by the way. We should do it again sometime."

"No way!" Kisame barked out and nearly threw his stick right into Deidara's visible eye. "You were willing to feed me to the lion's pit after my flashback was done! Pein is one fucking madman when you interrupt his tea time!" and he had the scars to prove it too…

Pein innocently played with Mr. Snuggles 'Out to the Beach' play set.

"Pffft. You can't dictate when the flashbacks come!" Deidara wagged his fingers. "The higher powers laugh at you!"

"_Anyways_," Sasori stressed. "Then Itachi's and Sasuke's father had to make an appearance as well and nearly tear apart our family, though we came back stronger as ever after that. And then we had that movie." By the way, the movie also had a sequel, videogames, manga, and a movie premiere after its release on YouTube.

"We should do another movie too! I'm thinking of a spin-off of the Power Rangers, but this time with better dialogue and loin cloths! _Only _loin cloths." Deidara wiggled his eyebrows and nearly drooled at the sight of his lover dressed in only a loin cloth that left nothing to the imagination. Hmm… sexy.

Itachi chuckled and rested his head on Hidan's shoulder. He had noticed it – though he wouldn't say it out loud – but he had become more open with affection towards his lover than before. Back then, he would have threatened to stab Hidan in the eyeball if the man even _looked _his way. But now it seemed only natural to touch him so intimately and in public as well. He didn't know when the change occurred, or how it happened in the first place, but he couldn't say he was against it entirely. Itachi kind of liked being able to touch Hidan when he pleased…

"Power Rangers in loin cloths? That's certainly territory we must venture into someday." You could already hear the sound of a pen clicking and a new page being flipped to as the gears turned in Itachi's head.

"Ohhh no you don't! You are not turning my favorite childhood show into some perverse strip tease!" Naruto shouted, jabbing a finger in Itachi's general direction. He _dared _the man to oppose him, and he did.

"It wouldn't be a strip tease, Naruto. Maybe a little foreplay here and there to spice things up. A few scenes of you handcuffed and at the mercy of the villain…"

"I hate you." Naruto muttered darkly.

Itachi simply smiled.

"Mr. Snuggles says it's about time we brought out the cake." Pein said quietly, though you could see the not-so-innocent gleam in the man's eyes. He was quite happy, actually. Minato had proposed to him three days earlier and gave him another ring. This one had the first letter of their names intertwined on the band. It was simple and Pein loved it.

"We didn't bring any cake along…" Itachi had to shake his head at the statement. Leave it to Pein to already have the cake packed, probably made by Tobi, and ready to eat. "Well then, I'd say let's bring out the cake. After all we have to celebrate my otouto's and Naruto's 365 days working here."

"Wooot! I hope its chocolate cake. I _love _chocolate cake!" Naruto's mouth started to water at the blissful fantasies of being fed a wonderful slice of cake by Sasuke.

Pein grinned from ear to ear and pulled out the cake he had placed behind the log just in case. The cake was cut, and everyone got their own slice. Fortunately for Naruto, it was a chocolate cake, layered with butter cream icing and topped with strawberries. Of course, Tobi couldn't resist putting some of the icing on Kiba's nipples and licking it off seductively. And obviously Deidara and Sasori had to use the strawberries in very, naughty, ways.

Naruto found himself sitting in Sasuke's lap being fed small bits of cake. Every once in a while though, Sasuke managed to slip a little kiss that left Naruto's taste buds wanting more. They shared a smile, a laugh, and went back to eating the rest of their cake. Once they were finished, they were graced with the lovely image of Deidara riding Sasori and Tobi mercilessly attacking Kiba's chest. Really, it was just like any other day in the café.

"When did this start to become normal for us?" Sasuke asked in an amused tone.

"I think about the same time I accepted the freedom of wearing a dress." Naruto replied, equally amused.

"Oh. So that would mean since the beginning."

"I _hated _wearing dresses, Teme!"

"Suuure you did. That's why I found you gawking at yourself in the mirror one night. I must say, the dress you had on was very cute."

"Take that back! I was not gawking… I was simply… admiring how nice the dress looked."

"Yes. How nice it looked on _you_."

"Damn you to Switzerland."

"I still don't see why you find that a plausible comeback."

"Shut up and kiss me?" Another plausible comeback Naruto had come up with. It worked out rather well.

Once their lips parted, Naruto was finally aware of the hoots and hollers they were assaulted with. He had the decency to blush, a little, but then forced it down. It's not like this was the first time the others have seen them kissed. They just liked to be immature children about it. Yeah, that was it. Immature little children dominated by hormones…

"I think this calls for a toast." Itachi raised his stick adorned with a nicely roasted marshmallow in the air. Other sticks followed suit, converging to make a teepee-like thing over top the fire. "You know. I never thought I'd get something so… irreplaceable when I opened this café. Honestly I only wanted this for the money."

"No really? You could have fooled us." Hidan sneered playfully. The punch to the shoulder was well worth it, though.

"Now that I look back on it, I was seriously blind. Yeah, the money is great. Really great. Extremely wonderful…" he cleared his throat at the leers and glares he was getting from everyone and quickly went back on topic. "But now I found something that's way better than money."

The silent question of _what _floated around the air. And Itachi, being the drama queen that he was, had to hold onto the silence for a little while until a devilish grin captured his face.

"You guys."

"Awww, Tachi! You're such a charmer!" Deidara gushed.

Heartfelt smiles and soft awes floated around the campfire at the admission. It was sweet, cute, and caring. It wasn't half-assed either. Everyone felt pretty much the same way. Their little family was growing closer, tighter knit, and no one would trade such a feeling for anything else in the air.

Itachi pumped his stick in the air and threw his head back yelling, "Long live Cosplay!"

"Long live Cosplay!" everyone roared back before chomping into their marshmallows.

**The End**

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**READ THIS TOO :D.**

Sigh... the end ): I find this an appropriate ending, you know? Nothing too mushy but juts right for our lovely Cosplay Members. Of course they didn't go to America ;D But that'll probably be a "What if?" drabble one day...

Holds onto Naruto and Sasuke tightly- I'M GOING TO MISS YOU ALL SO MUCH! It was too much fun writing Naruto in dresses and making the Akatsuki completely... insane-ish... o.o. This chapter REALLY took on a mind of its own... -coughs-. I hope you all enjoyed Akatsuki Cosplay Cafe! If you miss me too much, you can always send me drabble requests and tell me which stories you'd like to see next ;D. OH! And go read **Eclipse **too! Tell me what you think :]. Mwahaha, I'm going to miss you guys! I hope we can become better friends, you know?

Till next time! Don't forget our wonderful times in the Cosplay Cafe!

LONG LIVE COSPLAY!


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